Up in her room, watching from her window as some doctors were walking around the garden frantically, princess Azula knew that one of two things had happened. Either some patient was having a serious crisis and the entire hospital staff was exchanging notes, running around double checking if everything was fine now, and letting the others know they should stay alert in case the disaster had not been fully averted yet...
Or they would be getting a special visitor that day.
It was unlikely. Zuko rarely came to the hospital in the morning, preferring instead to show up during the afternoon or evening if he found the time to do so in his busy schedule. On a few rare occasions, he had come late in the night or even right before dawn, but only if there was an emergency.
With the inevitable celebration of his victory in the war and subsequent coronation only a month away, Azula doubted Zuko would have much free time to have a vacant morning to spend with the clinically insane, and she was doing better than ever so there was no need for him to come see her.
Still, she remained by the window, waiting and waiting, and to her surprise, he eventually walked into the garden and greeted the doctors, talking with them for a bit.
Alone, as usual. No guards protecting him, no subjects tending to his every need, and it seemed he had walked all the way from the front gate to the garden gate instead of being carried in a palanquin. It was difficult to judge properly from afar, but he also didn't seem to have on any of the clothes and accessories one would typically expect a Fire Lord to wear. Perhaps spending so much time amongst people that couldn't afford such luxuries had made him forget some of the things his royal blood assured were his by right.
During all of his previous visits, he had, at the very least, looked like a proper prince. Still beneath his current status, but at least good enough that no one could mistake him for an ordinary man, or even very high nobility. Not ideal, but not insulting.
Sometimes, during these visits, Azula asked herself if her brother's appearance was the only thing that was adequate, but slightly off about his reign. Were his choices as a ruler acceptable? Disastrous? A bit of both? Had he become a puppet of their uncle, or the Avatar, or someone else? Was he anywhere close to seeing the horrible mistake he had made when he turned his back on their nation? She wondered and wondered and wondered.
And each time she did so, she could practically hear Ozai's voice telling her that Zuko would be a disgrace, a complete failure, as usual. Too weak and emotional to handle the absolute power he now held. He'd inevitably neglect the image of dominance and full control that a proper Fire Lord should project towards all others, all because he just had to convince himself that he didn't need to conquer and then rule the rest of the world with an iron fist to make sure no one else would threaten him, or his people.
He simply didn't understand that, if the Fire Nation had not set to take over everything, it would have only been a matter of time before one of the other nations did it, and if they were smart about it, they could do some damage, maybe even keep some Fire Nation territory under the rule for a long time. Perhaps until the end of time. It was an unacceptable, revolting thought, and that required preventive, drastic measures to assure their nation's autonomy, and inherent superiority, would never be threatened or tarnished by a few lucky savages.
No Fire Lord in the last one hundred years had been as dedicated to that cause as her father had been, and no Fire Lord in the history of their nation has been as eager as Zuko to throw their nation's glory away. The princess knew that better than anyone. She should hate him, she should be disgusted and ashamed, and simply accept that he was a lost cause.
Yet despite her better judgment, Azula continued to find herself fascinated by the possibilities of what exactly Zuko would be like as a ruler. He wasn't the most brilliant mind in the world, but he was still pretty bright. He could be reckless and impulsive, but at least he wasn't passive and cowardly like uncle Iroh. He didn't have father's ruthlessness and charisma, but he wasn't impossible to admire like grandpa Azulon.
Could he succeed, against all odds, at being a good leader for their nation? Perhaps he could, if he had the right people by his side, advising him, guiding him. But what were the odds of him listening to anyone except uncle fatso or one of the pathetic children that ran around with the Avatar?
Some of those children are older than you, a voice that sounded an awful-lot like Ursa's did the disservice of reminding the princess.
Even when she wasn't in the room telling her sob stories in the vain hope of erasing the past, mother was still nagging at her. It was almost unbearable.
You can't hide forever, dear. Sooner or later, you and I are going to have to talk about everything that happened. Truly talk about it. It's why I came back, you know it.
"I didn't ask you to!" Azula argued, then covered her mouth with her hand while gritting her teeth, as if trying to make sure no more words would come out. Nothing made her feel quite as pathetic and out of control than when she couldn't help but respond to people she knew weren't real.
Thankfully, Zuko's conversation with the doctor seemed to be finally over, and he left the garden, walking right up to the door of the main building. He'd come visit, and Azula would have a real, tangible target to direct her anger at, instead of wasting time with creepy visions and eerie voices.
Can't you just admit you like that he still cares enough to check on you?
Mother, for once in your miserable life, be quiet!
After five minutes that felt more like an eternity, Zuko finally entered the room to spare her from further humiliation. He had brought a bag, and Azula wondered, with a bit more hope than she'd care to admit, if he had decided to bring even half a dozen of the hundreds of things she had constant access to in the palace, yet was completely deprived of now.
The hospital clothes weren't worthy of a princess, and she had none of her jewelry or make up with her - and while they weren't really necessary, it would help her feel more like her old self instead of this pathetic girl locked up with a bunch of other lunatics. All she had were a few scrolls and books to help her pass the time, and a little bit of childhood memorabilia to decorate the dull, grey-ish room. Even the bed and sheets weren't fully to her liking.
And for obvious reasons, she wasn't allowed to have weapons anywhere near her.
As if I would use a knife instead of my own flames.
Zuko placed the bag with god-knew-what inside on the bed and bowed to her respectfully.
It was already completely wrong for a Fire Lord to bow to anyone, but the fact that Zuko did it first made it even more absurd. The confirmation that he truly was dressed like a commoner didn't help. Practical pants, old boots, and a simple shirt with short sleeves. And to top it all off, he wasn't wearing his crown. How did anyone allow him to leave the palace in such a state?
He opens his mouth to say something, but Azula interrupts.
"Why are you here and why in Agni's name are you dressed like that?"
"Like what?" he asks innocently, and the princess can barely believe her ears.
"You're the Fire Lord. You should be dressed in royal regalia, not like a peasant going on a camping trip!"
"I didn't know being Fire Lord meant I couldn't ever wear anything comfortable" he says, dismissing her concerns.
"You can be comfortable, but you gotta prioritize looking presentable."
A lunatic that ended up chained like a wild beast trying to say whether someone looks presentable or not. What a joke, a mean voice taunts and Azula does her best to ignore it - though Zuko noticed anyway.
"How have you been?" his tone is gentle and soothing, but not condescending. That's the one thing she can genuinely thank him for.
"Better, and there's no need for small-talk, just say why you're here"
"Checking on my sister is small-talk?"
"It's just for courtesy, so yes"
"Says who?"
"Common sense, dum-dum"
He doesn't respond, and at first Azula thinks she won that petty argument.
At least, until she notices he is staring at something on her table.
It's one of the few decoration items she has in her hospital room. An old painting of her and Zuko as children, in a pretty, golden frame. They're wearing matching clothes, both have their hair up in a ponytail, and Zuko has both arms around her, hugging her from behind. Azula's little hands are grabbing onto his wrists, her cheeks are red, and her hair is a mess because of all the times Zuko ruffled or kissed it. They're both smiling, looking happy and relaxed instead of having to look like a proper prince and princess.
Mother had kept that one for years, but since her return she had gifted it to Azula, likely in the hopes that it'd tame her fury, remind her of happy days that were long gone, to the point that they sometimes felt like someone else's life.
"Don't read too much into it, Zuko" she says, crossing her arms "You know as well as I do that these two kids are gone"
"Why keep their memory alive in your head then?"
"Oh please" she scoffs "It's simply one of the few things I still own. If I had more options to choose from, this wouldn't be here"
"If you say so"
Azula's expression hardens "Now tell me what is it you need from me"
"I told you, I just wanted to check on you"
"I assure you I haven't lost my mind again. Is that all?"
"Why are you so determined to kick me out?"
"Because we have nothing to say to each other, my Lord" the words sound like an insult coming from her "And I'm not interested in pretending we still have any kind of personal relationship. What was it you said when you locked me here? 'Soon you'll understand that our nation just can't be what it once was'? Well, I took it to heart. I understand you wish me to have no part in anything in any way connected to your life or your reign, and clearly your doctors figured out how to keep me in check. No need for you throw away your precious time"
She can see that her bitterness and resentment bother him, but, to his credit, he is trying not to let her words get to him.
"Things have changed and will continue to change. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You could still be a part of it, Azula. Of an era of mercy, peace and kindness"
It is very clear he has been spending a lot of time with uncle Iroh and the Avatar, listening to all of their nonsense. It was a pity really. Zuko was never the brightest or most talented, but he was never fully stupid or useless. And above anything, he had his pride - even during banishment, he still held onto it, even when he was stuck waiting tables at Iroh's pathetic tea-shop.
"You still don't get it, do you? As Fire Lord, you are the most powerful man in the whole world, and that makes you a target for all of those that want to be in your position. You can't afford to be too trusting, too kind, too quick to forgive any treason, no matter how small. If you don't keep people in their place, if you don't remind them constantly that you could easily destroy them they'll see you as weak and plot against you"
She doesn't know why she's giving him advice. It's not like a traitor like him could ever deserve it.
"You have to be ruthless. You have to be in control at all times. It's the only way to make sure no one will ever stand against you"
Zuko listens to her, but there's a spark of defiance burning in his eyes all the while, and it makes Azula uneasy.
"Is that so? Is that why you followed our father blindly? Out of fear of being at the mercy of a man that had none to offer?"
Angered by Zuko's words, Azula's flames appear at her hands immediately. She wants nothing more than to lash out at him, ask how dare he presume to know how she did or did not feel about Ozai, to reduce all her ambition and loyalty to the actions of a foolish, scared little girl - but catches herself at the last second.
Worthy of it or not, he's still Fire Lord. He can punish her severely if she displeases him. She's playing a dangerous game here, and losing control is not something she can afford in this situation. The flames flicker and die down almost as quickly as they appear.
"I followed him because he is our father, and was the greatest leader our nation had ever had. You could use some of that kindness and mercy you talk so much about towards your own family, not a bunch of irrelevant strangers, Zuko"
"He's alive, isn't he?" he can't help but say, anger burning hot right beneath the surface, and Azula feels that old spark of excitement again, as well as the certainty that she can make this facade of wise, calm and collected young man crumble and reveal the reckless prince that could be both pathetic and worth bothering with.
"Alive, yes. Without his bending and locked away in a cage, like an animal, stripped of all royal titles, deprived of every luxury a man of his birth should always be entitled to. When you were exiled, you were still allowed to call yourself a prince. You had a ship and crew, not to mention weapons and far more gold than any of your peasant friends could ever hope to obtain in their lives. You're so quick to label our father a monster, yet he was kinder to you than you are to him"
"Different crime, different sentence" he says, matter of factly, and Azula is genuinely impressed. It would have been the perfect way to shut her up, and the fact that her brother nearly achieved it was honestly intriguing.
But Zuko's issue was always shutting himself up. He just had to ramble and over-explain.
"He's being given anything and everything a person needs to survive, and not being harmed in any way by anyone. After everything he has done to the world, to his own family, he deserves no kindness, no forgiveness, no nothing! Yet he still gets to live, to grow old, to be forgoten after all the horrors he caused!"
And as easy as that, the confident ruler that is oh so clever with his words is once again just an arrogant prince unable to control his temper, complaining like any child throwing a fit after being told no for the first time. Azula can see it practically written on her brother's face that he feels as pathetic as he looks.
So, so close, yet still so far.
"Is that so? How terrible" she mocks "Then perhaps I was wrong and your problem is not that you're too harsh, but too soft. You don't have what it takes to truly give our father the punishment you think he deserves. You're too scared to do it"
His golden eyes grow dark with the anger that burns in them "You think I haven't imagined giving him a scar to match the one he gave me? Or banish him like he did to me and to our mother? Or let him be mistreated in prison like uncle was?" the words themselves are cruel, but they lack the pure vitriol she had expected, and she can't decide if she finds it frustrating or admirable "Trust me, Azula, I have ruthlessness to spare. I am simply choosing a different path. A better path"
"And what is this 'better path', Zuko? Making friends with nations that spent an entire century hating us for our superiority? Do you genuinely think these people care about you and aren't only supporting you because it's convenient for them at the moment? You think the world will show you the same kindness when it recognizes your weakness and you're no longer as useful? They will crush you and take everything you have if you don't watch your back. Your own advisors might want you gone too, otherwise they would have warned you against visiting your insane sister"
"I'm not weak. You know that better than anyone" his voice sounds far more confident again. He really should avoid the doctors because he could easily fit the criteria for those patients with extreme mood swings.
Without any regard for his safety, and whether by foolishness or to prove a point, he grabs Azula's hand and places it on his chest, above his heart - above the scar her lightning left on his body after her nearly fatal blow against him.
"I fought against you and lived to tell the tale. Because I had people who cared about me, who saved me. You however, were alone in your defeat, because even after all your loyalty, our father abandoned you. You would be wasting away in a cell just like him if it wasn't for me"
She tries to pull away, but he doesn't let her, tightening his grip on her wrist, eyes locked on hers and she just can't look away. He is a bit too close to her, yet for some reason it doesn't bother her as it should, and she can feel her cheeks burning slightly as they turn pink.
Foolish little girl, a deep, cruel voice taunts, you worry so much about his weaknesses that you forget your own.
"What do you expect, Zuko? For me to fall to my knees and worship the ground you walk on?"
It's what would be expected of an honorable princess, a different voice, much more simmilar to her own, argues, and Azula can't stand it.
"I expect you to understand that my mercy is why you're still a princess and not a prisoner like Ozai. Don't be so quick to mock and dismiss it. It may hurt your pride to admit it, but I am all you have right now"
"And what is it that you have to offer me?" she asks still struggling to free herself from his grasp, hating how vulnerable she sounds "A brother that abandoned me, our family and our nation to join the enemy? A Fire Lord that somehow manages to be both too arrogant and too insecure? You say you've changed, yet here you are, more interested in proving yourself superior to me than doing anything useful for the nation"
"I already told you, I'm here because you could still be part of our nation's future, even if not in the way you wanted"
"What in the world are you talking about?"
He lets go of her at last "I want you to come home with me. I'll have you be my advisor, I already prepared everything for it"
All the anger and resentment seem to leave her body at once. She couldn't possibly have heard him right. There was no way he actually wanted her to be free again - and to constantly have access to the palace, to have influence over him. He couldn't be this stupid, this naive, this...
Sweet?
She pushes the thought away.
"Why me?" she struggles to get the words out "Why me of all people?"
"You're the smartest person I know, you're more familiar with politics, and you genuinely care about our country"
"I almost killed you" she argues "You and I fought for the throne"
"You think I don't remember?"
"Apparently you don't! Zuko, how is it possible that you don't see you and I simply can't ever be on the same side?"
"For most of our lives, we were"
"Yes, before you were banished, before you returned, before you left. Too much has happened, we are not who we used to be"
"Things could have been different. We could have been different. We didn't always hate each other, you remember it as well as I do. You miss it as much as I do"
"Don't you dare assume you know what I feel. If you can't handle the responsibility of being Fire Lord just say so, there's no need to pretend to be all worried about me"
"I'm not asking you to take over for me. I'm offering you a way back home, like you did to me in Ba Sing Se"
"Oh yes, I'm sure that meant so much to you"
"It did. You might not understand it, but if I had never gone back home I never would have found my path in life. Is it really so difficult for you to understand I want to do the same for you? You could have been as lost as I was back then, as happy as I am now. If things had been different maybe you would have never ended up here, and you don't have to stay here" she can see the raw emotion in his eyes "We could have been a family. A true family"
She scoffs, trying to pretend his words aren't causing a strange turmoil within her "You speak too much of what could have been. What about what is? You might have a pretty picture of the future in your head, but how can you be so sure it will actually come true?"
"I'm not" he admits, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder "But I have to try. For your sake and mine"
"I don't need your help" she says stubbornly one last time, but she doesn't fully believe it and neither does her brother.
"I don't care. I'll offer it anyway"
She turns to face him, asking in a far less aggressive tone "And if I refuse to leave with you anyway?"
"I'd throw you over my shoulder and carry you home" his tone is almost playful and he tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear, then lets his hand slip down her arm "I'd drag you kicking and screaming if I had to"
"Somehow I doubt you could actually do that"
"Want to find out?" he smirks as he gives her hand a gentle squeeze, and Azula has to supress the urge to laugh - she can't remember the last time Zuko managed to disarm her like that, or allow himself to joke around with her.
"And if I refuse to be your advisor?"
"You won't. You'd never let someone you deem incompetent be in charge of our nation" he entwines his fingers with her own "We can make this work, we just have to try. I took care fo everything you'd need to come back."
She turns away, making him let go of her hand, then walks towards the window. She isn't really looking at anything outside, she just needed so create some space between herself and Zuko in the hopes of no longer having to hear her heartbeat in her ears.
"Seems I don't really have a choice then" her hands shake a bit "When should I prepare to go?"
"Right now" he answers, and she looks back at him in surprise "What? I told you I took care of everything already" he finally opens that bag he had brought, taking a red dress and red shoes out of it so she could change out of the hospital clothes "You just need to pack your things"
"Shouldn't take long" she deadpans and starts to tie her hair up in a ponytail. It's still a bit difficult for her to do so without the help of a mirror, but she doesn't dare looking at one, not after the last time.
But even though she can't see him, she can hear his footsteps as he gets closer to her, then feels his hand on her hair, fingers gently running through it almost like a comb as he makes it cascate down on her face and shoulders again.
"You look better with your hair down" he says as she turns to face him with a questioning look. His hand gently lifts up her chin to make her look into his eyes again - though the slight blush on his cheeks distracts her a little "The Fire Lord isn't the only one that must always look his best"
"A princess shouldn't wear her hair in such a commonly fashion"
"She should if her older brother says so" he kisses the top of her head and Azula feels like there's an electric current hitting every single one of her nerves. She blinks and stares at him in confusion, but he just smiles and, absurdly, ruffs up her hair, leaving her shocked and speechless as he walks away "I'll be waiting for you in the garden"
She spent at least five minutes there, practically frozen in place, unable to fully process what had just happened. One moment she's toying with her brother, testing him, trying find out if he'll crack under pressure. The next they are... they are... she didn't even know what they were doing, but they sure did something.
Those smiles, the gentle touches, the teasing - it was all on that weird grey area of their relationship. Not hostile, yet still a challenge. Not something two people with no history could ever experience, yet seemingly out of place considering their history. Innocent, yet a bit too intimate for two siblings.
Since her breakdown, Azula had rarely allowed herself to imagine what could happen if the two of them were to ever be on good, or at least neutral, terms again. But she had been sure that this strange part of their bond, this tension, was dead and buried six feet under the day Zuko left to join the Avatar.
The way her heart skipped a beat when she looked at that old childhood portrait and imagined what it'd be like to have Zuko shower her with that much affection again told her otherwise.
The carriage ride home was... awkward. They didn't talk, and while Zuko didn't seem to find the silence between them uncomfortable, Azula wasn't fully at ease.
Zuko was being very generous, far more generous than she deserved, and she was happy about it - but she was practically waiting to suddenly wake up in her hospital bed on in a prison cell, realizing that the borderline miraculous events of that morning had, indeed, been too good to be true, and were just her optimistic delusions, her broken mind trying to comfort itself.
The hospital wasn't evne that far from the palace, yet the road seemed to be getting larger and large with each passing minute, the long wait practically taunting her worsening anxiety that, at any moment, something would go horribly wrong and Zuko would send her back.
That's why she didn't even try to hold back the tears as they reached the capital, the familiar streets and buldings looking more beautiful than ever, the sunlight and the breeze itself seeming to basically welcome her home like a warm, loving embrace. As comforting as her brother's gentle hand on her shoulder.
Once they reached the palace, she wipped the tears away, not wanting anyone else to see her in such an openly emotional, vulnerable way. Zuko offered her his hand as she was getting off the carriage, and continued holding it as they made their way past the gates, through the garden - and past their mother and her new family.
Azula responded to their respectful bows with nothing more than a glance. The husband looked like an idiot, the daughter seemed annoying, and Ursa had on the same somber expression and sad eyes that she often wore when she was still allowed to visit her at the hospital.
She was probably happy to not have to see you again. That's why she's upset now, a cruel voice said, and even though Azula tried her best not to pay it any mind, it still cut deep.
As they wandered through the halls, Azula noticed that all the mirrors had been either removed or covered. She appreciated the gesture, but it also made her frustration at not knowing how she looked grow. She had spent so many moments without any kind of beauty treatement, the wind had likely made her hair look a bit messy, and it was completely possible that she was still red in the face after crying.
"Am I allowed in the royal spa? I'll need more than a pretty dress to look like royalty again"
"You look perfect, but yes, you are. You have full access to everything in the palace. But you'll need my permission to leave, and someone should always be acompaning you" she nodded in understandment and he went on "Is there anything in particular you want to do after it, or would you just rather stay in your room and rest? Do you want some time alone or-"
"We should get to work"
"Already?!"
"Of course" she couldn't believe he was genuinely surprised.
"Azula, you just got home. Don't you want to at least take a day off to relax?"
"I've had more than enough meditation and solitude and conversations about my feelings for three lifetimes, Zuko. I want to do something. Anything"
He sighed "Fine. I'll have the documents we should go over first ready in about an hour"
With that, she went to the royal spa and was immediately relieved to see that even in that room there were no mirrors around - though she supposed that would be irritating to everyone else.
She didn't ask for anything too extravagant, just a hot bath, a through washing of her hair, and a bit of exfoliation, mainly on her face, and for a bit of make-up once it was all done. She put the dress Zuko had given back on, even though she would have prefered wearing more practical clothes. It'd be rude to disregard such a kind gesture.
After they were done tying her hair up, one of the girls asked Azula if she wanted them to grab her a mirror, and she was tempted both to yell at her and to just accept, to force herself not to be afraid of something as simple as her own reflection anymore.
Instead, she politely declined and went to her brother's office. She had barely walked into the room when she felt him removing the pin that kept her top-knot in place, letting her hair down, like he had done in the hospital. All she could do was stare at him in disbelief.
"Told you, it looks better that way"
"You have strange priorities, brother. And you have to get better at organizing your documents"
"That's why I have you"
"So I'm yout secretary as well? You should pay me double then" she joked.
"I'm not paying you at all"
"Which is absurd. You really do need someone with all the common sense you lack. Anyways, where are your other advisors?"
He remained quiet for a long, long time.
"Zuko, please don't tell me yo-"
"I fired all of them"
"Why?" Azula was completely incredulous "Didn't our uncle hand-pick them for you?"
"They did a good job at first" he admitted "But after a while, I felt like they were holding me back. Like they were giving me strict rules to follow instead of simply offering guidance"
"What exactly did they ask of you?"
"For starters, they wanted to reduce our army way too much"
"You shouldn't reduce it at all" she interjected, then let him continue.
"One of them suggested I should marry a woman from the Earth Kingdom's nobility"
"I'm assuming he only voiced that opinion after you and Mai had already broken up?"
"He did it long before it, actually"
"I'm surprised she let him live then" she said, only half joking "What else?"
"They wanted us to return the colonies to their original nations immediately"
"Outrageous. We conquered those places, they're ours by right"
"Azula, I fully intend to at least consider giving them the colonies back. I only want to make sure it is the choice of the people that live there. I want them to decide if they want to be part of the Fire Nation, or the Earth Kingdom, or neither or whatever it is they want before I make that decision, and I want to make sure no one is gonna be made into an outcast because of their origins"
"Zuko, don't be so naive. If you want to make sure your people are taken care of, you need to make sure they, and everyone around them, are under your rule. You've already freed cities that had been recently conquered, and vowed to not invade any more of their territory. Keep the ones that have been ours for literal decades. You can't give up that much control"
"My decision is final" his tone was very stern "If they wish to remain in the Fire Nation, I'll accept it. If they want to return to the nation they were originally part of, I'll accept it as well, as long as firebenders have the right to remain there with their families, without becoming targets"
She shook head in disapproval, but moved on to the next topic "Anything else?"
"They wanted to go way too easy on our father's former supporters"
"Once again, aren't you the one talking about mercy and second chances?" she challenged, eager to find out if he'd stand his ground - and if he'd do it in a reasonable way "Opposing our father was against the law, Zuko, as was disobeying all the Fire Lords that came before him. You can't punish your people for doing what was expected of them, and you can't arrest everyone."
"I know" he snarled "But some of those men were monsters, and they would not have hesitated to stand against me as soon as they found a new tyrant to rally behind. And even if they didn't do that, all the evil they've caused in the world... I can't just ignore it and let them get away with just a slap on the wrist."
"Good to know you have some survival instinct" she looked down at the floor, struggling to force the next words out "What was their advice on what you should do to me?"
"They... they didn't say anything about that. They thought it was pointless since you were too unwell to pose any threat"
"You really should learn to be at least a little convincing when you lie"
He sighed "They told me to have Aang remove your bending. They thought it'd force you to see things differently, even though the doctors disagreed"
A chill ran down her spine. She knew that was possibility, and ever since she found out about what happened to her father, she had been dreading the moment in which the one thing she still had left would be taken away from her, leaving her empty and without any reason to go on.
"And what did the Avatar say?" she needed to know how much of a treat that boy could pose to her if something were to happen to her brother and she was left with no one to protect her.
"He refused"
Azula raised an eyebrow "Immediately?"
"Yes. What he did to our father was one last desperate attempt to avoid killing him. And he can't just do it as casually as he bends the elements. It always offers him a risk as well"
"Risk of what exactly?"
"Of having his spirit completely destroyed"
"Did uncle's friends know that before they suggested him to remove my bending?"
"No. Practically no one knows. We felt it'd be a way to assure father's supporters didn't get any ideas. It had to seem easy"
"And you're telling me that crucial information because?"
"Because you're asking. And because you don't support our father anymore"
"I've been on your side for less than four hours, Zuko"
"And you'll remain on my side" he said in a somewhat cocky tone "My mind is made up and so is yours. What's the point of making you my advisor if I won't trust you with important things?"
"And when our uncle and your friends inevitably come bursting through the gates, saying you've lost your mind?"
"They'll be very disappointed that it won't change anything"
Fool. Utter fool.
Perhaps. But he was her fool now, and she liked the idea a bit too much.
"Can't sleep?" he asked, entering his sister's room, seeing her tossing and turning in bed.
It wasn't too late in the night, but Azula had always been the type to sleep early unless there was some kind of emergency, thus seeing her awake at this time could be a sign that something wasn't right. He promised himself he wouldn't be the smuthering type, but he'd rather over-step a bit than be neglectful.
"I can have some calming tea prepared"
"Don't worry about it, I'm just a bit aggitated. Too much happened today"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"You know you can turn to me if you need anything, right?"
"Yes, Zuko, I know. Go to sleep" Azula threw the covers over her head, as if that would make her unable to hear him.
He walked up to her bed, sat down, and pulled the covers away so he could see her - and more importantly, so he could see him.
"Sorry. I'm just trying to take care of you" he stroked her hair gently and while she tensed up a bit at first, she let him "You had your meals in your room after I forced you to take a break from work, you haven't practiced your firebending all day, you said you still hear voices every now and then, and-"
"And you're paranoid that the reason I can't sleep is because seeing things again and won't tell you?"
"Or that you can't sleep because of nightmares"
"I'm fine" Azula grabs the hand that had been stroking her hair and holds it close to herself, with both hands, squeezing it every now and again as she talks "I just wanted to make sure I was up to date with everything you're doing. I'm not depressed, or anxious, or trying to prove myself, or seeing anyone that isn't actually here. I'm just doing my job. And I know you don't like it, but I'm simply not going to have a meal with our mother and her new perfect little family."
"And the firebending? Didn't you say you wanted to practice it everyday to compensate for the months you lost?"
"Oh, it'd be rather rude to show off my superior skills to the entire palace staff right after you brought me back, wouldn't it?"
"Please, feel free to show off. How am I supposed to stay motivated to be the best if I don't have a worthy rival?" he teased, the same smirked that appeared on his face being reflected in Azula's.
"You've changed, dum-dum" she let go of his hand "I'm almost impressed"
"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me"
"I said almost"
"That's good enough"
"If you say so" she rolled her eyes "Now go to bed, I'll never get any sleep with you here"
"Promise you'll come to me if you need anything?"
"Yes" she sat up and kissed his cheek, immediately turning his face redder than anything in the entire palace. She was giggling as he got up and turned away fast "A blushing Fire Lord? What a lovely sight."
"Shut up"
"Consider this payback for earlier"
"Consider yourself warned that I'll do worse tomorrow"
"Can't wait"
Reluctant and embarrassed, he went to his room and stay there until morning. He didn't sleep all the way through, waking up several times, even after a guard had confirmed to him, twice, that Azula had finally fallen asleep. He had to kept telling himself not to go bother her, that if he got too paranoid it might have the opposite effect and not turn to him for help if she ever needed it.
When the morning finally came, Azula knocked at his door. She was already dressed, wearing black pants and a red shirt, with a facefull of make up and, much to his chagrin, hair up in a ponytail. She looked far more well-rested than Zuko, who hadn't even gotten out of his sleeping robe yet, and had bed-hair. She did not waste the opportunity to mock him for it.
"If you feel too restless, I can have someone prepare you some calming tea at night, my Lord"
"Your sense of humor is truly delightful, sis. Have I ever told you how much I missed it?" he retorted sarcastically.
"I should know better than expect you not to be in a foul mood before your first meal"
"Will we be having breakfast together? I can tell mother, Ikem and Kiyi we'd like to be alone"
"As tempting of an offer as that is, I think I'll just eat in my room. Try to look presentable before you let anyone else see you though"
"It's not like I walk around like this, I just got up" he complained.
"All the more reason for us to fix your sleeping schedule."
"Go annoy someone else, please. I don't want to snap at you with less than a full day of us getting along again"
"You intend to wait a whole week then? How considerate of you"
"Get out" he said, already pushing her out the door, then slamming it shut. He had to surpress his laugh when he heard her giggle.
He took a bath and got dressed, then went on to have breakfast with his mother. Ikem and Kiyi were still sleeping.
"How is Azula doing?" Ursa had asked after a long while.
"Good, I think. She seems happy to be back"
They didn't say anything else to each other after it.
Talking about Azula with his mom was... difficult. Zuko loved them both, and he knew that their mother had never, ever meant to hurt his sister, but it was still what had happened, and he could understand why Azula resented her for it, and he wouldn't interfere and force her to forgive or even interact with her if she didn't want to.
But he also couldn't stand to see the sorrow in his mother's eyes each time Azula pushed her away, or on the day the doctors told her it'd be best for her to stop visiting because just seeing her made Azula's condition worsen.
And now he had brought her daughter back to their home - yet to Ursa, she was still far, far away, completely out of reach.
He pushed those thoughts aside, continued eating, then gave his mother a comforting hug when she got up, which she seemed to appreciate.
When he went outside, a giant wave of conflicting emotions came crashing down on him at the sight of Azula training outside. Fierce, determined, ambitious, frightening, powerful, gracious and beautiful. Moving like a force of nature, unstoppable, creating huge blue flames and bolts of lightning that seemed too strong to truly be controled by a human. She hadn't simply recovered and gone back to the level she had been before, she had clearly surpassed it. Even for a prodigy like her, this sheer raw display of seemingly effortless skill was mindblowing.
He wanted to step away and run to safety. He wanted to get as close to her as possible. He wanted to stare in awe of her, like a human faced with the divine. He wanted to surpass her and make this look insignificant.
It was an oddly nostalgic feeling for Zuko, even though it hadn't even been that long since he had last seen her firebending - and even though the day of Sozin's comet now represented hope for the people, a reminder that even the biggest horrors imaginable were not eternal, it was not a day Zuko could see himself thinking fondly of.
He had won the battle, the war, the crown, the throne, the title - but he lost his sister.
It didn't matter that she was here now. Those months he had spent completely unsure if she'd even survive the torment her own mind was putting her throught felt like such a large gap in his life, even more impactful than the three years he spent banished.
When he was chasing the Avatar, even before Aang actually returned, there was always something to do, a new place to search him at, a new strategy to try, and even just simply practicing his firebending a bit more so he'd be ready for a confrontation.
But those first two months his sister spent in the hospital? He had never felt so powerless, so useless, so hopeless. There was simply nothing to do except be there, by her side, watching in despair as she either pushed him away or just stared at him like she didn't even recognize him, completely lost inside her own mind, repeatedly being hurt and consumed by a kind of evil that practically taunted Zuko with how untangible it was.
The sheer joy and relief he felt when she finally started to recover was unlike anything he had ever experienced before - and that's why he made a vow to himself, to never let another day with her in his life go to waste. It wouldn't matter how uncooperative she got, how frustrated and angry it made him, how many people advised him to just keep his distance, or how many times it felt like a pointless endeavor.
He wouldn't make the same mistake again. If he felt like seeing her, he'd go see her. If he wanted to praise or show her any sign of affection, he'd do it. If he had something to say, he'd say it regardless of whether she was willing to listen to him. As long as she was still around, he'd continue acting like the older brother that he had not allowed himself to be in a long time.
And considering how she had reacted to it all yesterday, Azula was starting to warm up to the idea of having him in her life again, not as her enemy, but as that same Zuko she had known all those years before.
She wouldn't regret it.
He ordered the servants to bring her something to eat after her training was done, then joined her in the garden, the two of them sitting under a tree, a small table quickly being placed there for them, a plate filled with fruit that had been cut in cubes. Azula wasted no time enjoying it.
"You look happier today" he said, stealing one of those cubes, making Azula narrow her eyes at him.
"I am. The Fire Lord himself is pampering me after all, even if he's a bit greedy. If you ever grow tired of being a ruler, I'm sure you'd make a fine palanquin man or guard. Better yet: a lady in waiting for your princess"
Instead of responding to her teasing, he tried to pull at the hair tie keeping her ponytail in place, but Azula was faster this time, probably because she had been waiting for it, slapping his hand away.
"Stop that"
"What, aren't ladies in waiting supposed to do things like help you with your hair?"
"Yes, help with hair trouble, not cause it"
"Fine, I'll stop" he said, knowing full well he'd try again as soon as he thought she was distracted enough. The shock and embarassement on her face when he had done it twice before had been priceless, and he doubted he'd ever get sick of it And to think he had always been completely exasperated each time his younger sister messed with him, yet never realized that all he had to do was mess with her right back. Such a waste. So much drama over something that could have been resolved quickly and easily.
Doesnt matter, at least I'm doing it now.
"And I'll get you a personal servant since you like having someone waiting on you that much"
"So you can take a hint. I've always wondered" she said, letting him steal another cube off her plate "Make sure you pick someone who is up to my standards"
"Only if you make sure not to be unreasonable with what you ask" he warned, knowing full well that Azula's obsession with perfectionism didn't begin and end with herself.
"You offend me, brother, I am never unreasonable."
He tried to steal another bit of fruit, but she made sure to pick up the plate and hold it away from him so she could eat all the cubes left.
"Not unreasonable, but childish for sure"
"I'm the younger sibling, it's my birthright right"
"And what do I get as the older brother?"
"You have the crown, what else could you want?" her tone sounded a bit too bitter for it to be a joke, but not resenful enough that Zuko felt the need to explain himself, or apologize, or demand an apology for how she spoke to him.
"I want to enjoy my sister's company"
"Aren't you already?"
"Yes, and I want it to last longer"
She chuckles "You're all opmistic now, but it won't be long before we're sick of each other and I ask for my room to be in a different wing of the palace"
"You're not getting rid of me that easily this time"
"Is that a challenge?"
"A promise"
She rolled her eyes and shoved him away - but she didn't look away fast enough for him not to see her smile.
"Come on, dum-dum. We've got work to do" she said, getting up and heading back inside.
Zuko followed her without saying a word, but made sure to playfully push her to the side when they reached his office.
"Do you have to behave in such an undignified way, my Lord?" she asked, walking into the room right after him.
"Look who's speaking"
"My, my, you really do need help. Lesson number one: don't copy your unhinged sister"
"Rule number one: don't argue with the Fire Lord"
"I'm not arguing, I'm giving advice. Very different" she poked his cheek then flicked his forehead, to which he grabbed her hand.
"Rule number two: no irritating the Fire Lord during work."
She pouted "Fine, but only because we have important matters to adress"
They both then took a seat and got back to their boring duties - well, boring for him at least. Azula seemed weirdly excited to deal with all the bureaucracy and paperwork, like it was more thrilling than any kind of entertainment or battle. That was very good considering Zuko always had to spend at least half an hour convincing himself to go through it all, his impatience constantly coming dangerously close to threaten his resolve to be a good, responsible, attentive ruler that was always aware of everything that was going on.
It was good that Azula could help him with that, and it confirmed to him that he had really had made the right choice. He had found his perfect match.
In more ways than he was fully ready to admit.