Another beautiful day. Whether this is a virtual reality, it doesn't change the pretty scenery. Me and Alice have already checked out and are outside in front of the inn. She's clearly cranky. She hasn't said a word to me since we woke up. Sorry hon. I ain't no masochist. The only way you can get away with that, is if I can retaliate ten fold.
The owner approaches us before leaving. "Seems you both had fun last night." She laughs, but soon stops when she sees our stone face. "I was just teasing."
"It's no problem. I wanted to thank you again for letting us stay." I say.
"The pleasure is all mine! You can always stop by whenever you're both in town!" I wave goodbye and we head to the plaza.
It's full of citizens doing their everyday lives. Merchants selling their wares, kids playing around, people gossiping with one another, it is truly marvelous. A world living seperate from my perception. However, time is ticking from the inevitable invasion. Heh. Ilias won't know what's coming once I get the four spirits. First thing, I should get some potions. Unlike Luka, I ain't got angel powers to heal myself during fights.
We head inside a shop where they sell herbs and shit. I grab a red potion bottle. "Hey Alice, think you can pitch in for these?"
"Why do I have to cover your expenses? Get your own money." She says coldly. She really is cranky. Should've looted my defeated foes when I had the chance.
We excuse ourselves and leave. Back to square one. Now how do I get money?...Hmm. I got an idea! I grab a mug lying on the floor and set it in front of me.
"What are you doing?" Alice asks. I answer by winking at her.
I begin singing. "She wakes up early every morning. Just to do her hair, now. Because she cares, y'all. Her day, oh, wouldn't be right without her makeup. She's never out of makeup." I get people's attention, so I start dancing. "She's just like you and me, but she's homeless. She's homeless. As she stands there singing for money. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow." A crowd is gathering around me. I don't want to disappoint my acquired audience and breakdance! Singing and dancing at the same time really takes a lot of effort, but it's working. They are throwing coins at the mug.
"La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow. La-da dee, la-da dow." Now they're singing for me. I can finally dance crazy! I backflip and handstand while doing an interpretive dance with my legs. They are going wild! I finish by doing the split. They applaud my performance. The mug is overflowing. I quickly grab it and bow. Ugh! Without a cardboard, it really fucks your back.
"Wow! I've never seen anything like it!"
"I didn't think you could do that with your legs!"
"A hero and a performer! Truly a man of many talents!" They keep praising me. If only there were people like these back home.
I face Alice, who has her jaw open in shock. "Seems I got us covered." I couldn't help grinning like a child.
She composes herself. "You're definitely full of surprises. Maybe I'll consider you to become my jester."
"Haha. Very funny." I pocket my newly gained wealth.
We do the necessary shopping. Potions, rations and water. All the while the citizens come up to me for compliments. Feels good being a mini celebrity. Now for the important part. We head inside the smiting shop. It's full of weapons and armor. But that doesn't interest me. I look over the plain looking shirt over the counter.
"You have a good eye." The older smith comments. "That shirt is woven in a special way for maximum protection."
"Really?" I act surprised.
"Yup. Even though it is good quality, most heroes care about looks, though. This shirt had been hand woven by Enrika. An isolated village from the southwest." That's where Micaela is located. No point in going there now. It's only to set up for the future event. I buy the armor and put it on. Interesting. Despite having two shirts, it's light enough to not deter my movement.
We leave back to the plaza. "I think we've done everything we needed to do here. Time to go to Iliasport." She nods and we start heading out.
"Fufufu…I've found you! My only He-!" Oh shit! I completely forgot that this is the first time my favorite character makes her first appearance! The reverse lamia herself, Amira. We stare at one another for a moment. "You're not my love! Where's Luka!?"
Right. I gotta be careful around her fourth wall breaking ass. "He's back at the village. I'm his distant cousin."
"...You think I would fall for such an obvious lie?" No. But you were designed to be this self aware. "Wait a minute…I can't see my CG! Where's Torotoro and who is UncleJimbo95? AAAAH!! I'm in a fanfiction! He will make us have an H-scene together! NOOOOOOOOOO!!"
"I'm usually against killing monsters, but she's too far gone. We need to put her down." Alice says.
"Now now. I still believe in coexistence. Even to individuals like her." I hope Amira is wrong about being in a fanfiction. Although my situation is pretty typical to one. Hey Writer! You better not fuck me over and make me do weird shit! "Anyways, do you need something?"
"Oh yes! Since you're on your way to Iliasport, there is trouble afoot around the area. Like the Four Heavenly Knight stealing supplies nearby." Ugh. I know what she's talking about. The fucking lolis, man. It was 'fine' with Luka since he looks like a kid. Although that doesn't mean it's any better. Besides, I just remembered the Happiness Village. So it's definitely worth checking out.
I face Alice. "We should stop by. I highly doubt they're the actual ones, but we still need to take a look."
She nods. "While I usually wouldn't care, no one can falsely use the title without consequences."
"Then it's settled. Thank you, Am-" Huh? Where'd she go?
"MY HERO! WHERE ARE YOU!?" I sigh. She didn't go through her usual dialogue. I really hope this doesn't bite my ass later.
We head out from the north exit. "Hold on." Alice stops me. "I know I gave you the Angel Halo, but you haven't seen its effect in action." Oh yeah. I only used it against Granberia, but I never hit her with it. She was too good. For now. The earth shakes around us. "Perfect timing. I'll go hide right now. And I won't be saving you this time." She leaves me yet again.
The ground violently shakes and an Earthworm Girl emerges. "Hmm. A traveler. Interesting." Eugh. She is so…I don't want to be speciest, but I ain't letting this chick touch me. "Mind sparing some semen for me?"
Yakuza 1 - Funk Goes On
Earthworm Girl
She flings her mucus at me, which I easily sidestep out of the way. Seriously, that's like the third opponent that does this shit. It's getting old! Huh!? I was distracted by my inner thoughts, that she already closes the gap and coils tightly around me! EEEEEEEW!! I can feel her slime seeping through my clothes! I struggle free and slash her chest.
"Huh? I feel weak for some reason." She says. Despite a direct attack, there is no visible wound. While she's processing, I punch her face, impale her chest and kick her with great force on her abdomen. "N-Ngh! Uaghh…" her body disintegrates and becomes a regular earthworm.
K.O!
"YOSHA!!" I can't believe I got to see the sealing for myself! I also noticed that no blood was spilled when the blade went in her. Although, I can actually kill them if that's my intention. But that shouldn't be necessary and I would like to keep my hands from being stained in blood.
"You seem a bit excited." Alice finally shows up.
"Of course. That was my first time seeing something like that. Means I can go all out." I sheath the sword. The earthworm wriggles around, before burrowing to the ground.
She sighs. "Is fighting all you ever think about?"
"Is food all you ever think about?" I retort.
Her response is a glare, before slithering ahead. I swear, this is going to be a mentally exhausting journey.
Irina Mountain
We are nearing the location at the base of the mountain range.
"This mountain range is pretty vast and will take a long time. Are you sure you want to do this?" Alice asks.
"We're already here. Would be a waste of time to turn back now." The question is where exactly the cave is located. Visual novels aren't exactly good at conveying distance. I walk around a bit and…nothing happened. That's weird. The Goblin Girl should appear by now. I scan the area and spot her peeking from a rock. She quickly hides once I notice her. "I know you're there." No answer. Maybe I can bait her out. "I'm looking for some bandits causing trouble. Do you know where they are?"
A moment passes and she finally steps out. "H-Hah! I'm the G-Goblin Bandit of the F-Four Bandits! Now g-give me all y-your money!" she says while quaking in fear. Am I really that intimidating?
"So a kid is stealing from people?" Man. There's no point in conflict when I know I'll win. Hmm. "Hey. Let's make this interesting. For one minute, I will dodge your attacks. If you fail, you will tell me the hideout. And if you win, I will give you all my money."
"Huh? No way! I'll take the money and toy with you!"
"Sure. You could do that. But the only thing stuffed in your mouth, will be the hammer shoved down your throat." I crack my knuckles. She flinches from the sound. "I suggest you take what you can get."
"...ugh. Fine."
"Good girl." We get into our battle stance.
Yakuza 0 - Parry Addiction
Goblin Girl
She rushes towards me and does a predictable downward swing and I just step aside. She tries to sweep my legs with her hammer, but I hop over the attack. She swings wildly, which I weave through them.
"Thirty seconds." I say. I'm not actually keeping count, but hopefully she will do better. Mngh! She threw sand at my face! It got in my eyes! I wipe it off in time to see the hammer coming at me! I jerk my torso to the side, barely missing me. I face her to notice she is lunging towards me! Shit! I don't have time to dodge! Out of desperation, I arch my back as low as I can Matrix style. She grazes my shirt, as she flies past me and crashes to the ground. Ungh! My fucking back. I'm definitely gonna feel that in the morning.
"Iugh…WAAAAAAAH!!!" She starts crying. Guess I won.
Victory!
Ariel's evasion has increased!
I stand straight. Ooof. Need a little work on my flexibility, but I feel lighter. I approach the girl. "Time's up. Better hold the end of your bargain."
She whimpers. "T-The cave is over there." She points to a nearby location. "But be warned! There's a powerful lamia, vampire and dragon waiting! You won't stand a chance!" Aaaand she runs away. Smart move using the secret Joestar technique.
"Now we know where the hideout is…" Alice says.
"Yup. Did you really need to hide for that one? I doubt she would have recognized you."
"Of course. I can't risk any monster seeing me. And I've already said I'm an observer." Riiiiight. "Still. Those are three powerful monsters. Why don't you just give up?"
"I appreciate your concern, but this path we're following is going to inevitably lead me to our final battle. I need to push myself to the limits for that day. Besides, a hero helps the plea of the common man. No matter how big or small."
She sighs. "You're such an idiotic brute." Such a total tsundere. We head towards the cave. We finally arrive at the entrance. "Hmm. I don't sense any strong presence." She sniffs the air. "Ah. So that explains it."
"Didn't take you as part dog too." I smirk.
"Very funny. I'll just wait here while you do your 'heroic' deeds." She really is a useless party member. Had I not have knowledge of future events, I would've fucked her off since the beginning.
I enter the cave. You know, I've never been inside one before. Thankfully it's very spacious here. I've heard horror stories of people being stuck inside tight spaces. My body shivers at the thought. I may not have claustrophobia, but I'm smart enough to not enter a space that limits my movement.
"Fufufu~! You wander in our domain distracted? What a fool!" Hmm? I'm suddenly being coiled by the lamia kid. Although, a gust of wind would pry me free, with how tight it is. "You're mine now! Prepare for y-" I grasp her tiny head with one head. "Eh?"
I give the meanest look. "If you're adult enough to commit the crime, then you better be ready for the consequences about to unfold."
"Ieh! AAAAAAAAAAH!!" She runs away, leaving behind a trail of tears. Now I feel bad. But these kids gotta learn the harshness of society and that they can do better.
I keep moving forward. "Kukuku~! A foolish man dares to come to our hideout alone." Ugh. My least favorite one appears. The vampire kid. Would it kill her to wear some goddamn pants? "Look into my eyes and I'll make you my personal slave!" Should I do something about this? It'll be risky, but this'll be good training against Alma Elma who has hypnotizing properties. We make eye contact. "Here goes!" Her eyes flash…but I don't feel anything. "Huh? Why didn't it work?" Good question. Maybe because I'm not into children? I take a step and she backs away. "G-Get away from me, monster!"
"If you know what's good for you, then you will stop stealing from people. Do you understand?" I imagine the menacing text floating around me. She cries before running away. Seriously, these are the challenges before me? I know this is supposed to be the beginner level, but I guess it goes to show I'm stronger. At least I know that hypnosis is not that effective from weaker monsters. Time to keep on moving to the final encounter.
"Wahaha! Congratulations on making it this far." The dragon pup finally appears. "I, one of the Four Bandits, shall be your ultimate demise!" The Four Bandits? Oh. I completely forgot about that. The other ones used to declared themselves as one. I guess my presence changed the dialogues. "Hyaaagh!" Woah! She spews fire which I narrowly dodge.
"Careful! I don't want my precious clothes to burn!" I yell.
"Hiyaaa!" She rushes towards me, ready for a swipe attack. I'm getting tired of this shit. Since I have to get lower to attack, I try to do the Komaki Tiger Drop to her forehead, sending her flying some distance.
"Fuck!" I rub my hand from the pain. Is her skull made out of steel or something? Fighting Granberia will prove to be tough without the endurance of Gnome.
"Eung." The dragon pup is sniffling. I don't feel good making kids cry. But if I didn't stop them…I would literally end my life after they were done with me.
"So the brute finally took down the little dragon." Alice appears holding the other three, who are still crying. "So what are you going to do to them? I heard people like you drink the blood of your defeated foes to gain their strength."
"Don't drink our blood! WAAAAAH!!!" All of them start wailing.
"They're kids, Alice. I'm sure they did it to survive. I can empathize." I face the kids. "You should return the stolen goods and apologize for your crime."
"Are you sure? What if they want to lynch them?" Alice says. They start freaking out.
"If Amira can be accepted, I'm sure they'll be fine. And if they try anything, I'll protect y'all." I promise to them.
"You're…such a good man." The dragon pup says. I respond with a thumbs up before heading back to the city.
Iliasburgh
"We're sorry. Very sorry." The girls profusely apologize to the villagers.
"These are the bandits? They're just kids."
"Poor souls. They must've had it hard."
"Hey dragon, you can breathe fire, right? You can help me with the smithing."
"You look strong, goblin. I got a job for you at the warehouse." The villagers welcome them with open arms.
"Didn't expect them to be forgiving." Alice says with a baffled expression.
"That's not surprising. Statistically speaking, cities tend to be more progressive." I say.
The dragon pup comes up to me. "Thank you so much, kind sir!" She says happily. Nothing warms my heart more than the smile of a child. "Let me give you this." She hands a Red Orb. It's warm to the touch.
"Is this a ruby?" I ask.
"I don't know. Some rich people ran away when they saw me and this dropped from their luggage. I think it's a really valuable treasure!"
"I see. I'm sure they don't miss it, if they haven't come back for it." I pocket the item.
"...It had to be here of all places. I don't want any human to misuse it. As long as the yellow and silver are apart, then it shouldn't be an issue." Alice says to herself.
"So you know what it is?" I ask, fully knowing its true purpose. It's to summon the Garuda Girl down the line, once I collect them all.
"Don't worry about it. It's something you don't need to know. Unless, you have a guess on what it does?" Alice eyes me suspiciously.
"If I did, I wouldn't have asked. I was going to pawn it, but it seems it has a true value. So I'ma keep it." Gotta play it cool. "All right. You guys take care."
"We will!" The girls wave goodbye as me and Alice head to the plaza.
"So, how does it feel to do a good deed?" I sneer.
"Idiotic brute. What would you have done if she was an adult dragon? Do you have a death wish?" There she goes again. I think being positive might actually kill her.
"Trust me, I'm not here to die. I told you before that I need to become stronger. And that's facing any powerful adversaries in my way." Just hold on a little longer, pops. I'll find my way back.
"...Idiotic brute." At this point, I might coin that title for myself. IB. Has a nice ring to it.
"I found you, Faker!" Huh? A wild Amira has appeared! "How dare you take credit from my beloved hero!? Now my role as the heroine has been soiled!"
"Who said that you were the heroine!?" I have no clue why Alice is getting worked up about this. This isn't Shin Megami Tensei, ladies.
"Silence, wench! I have trained a new spell from a blonde man who wishes to live in peace in his bizarre town. Behold! Sheer Heart Attack!" A flash of the Demon Decapitation CG flashes before my eyes. Or maybe I'm finally developing schizophrenia. Either way, she hits herself. "Ack! How was CG used in a fanfiction!? Damn you, Jimbo! IEEEEEH!!!" Her body disintegrates.
"Let's go." Alice says, clearly being done with everything. Personally, I find this entertaining. We head out the city and onto our next destination.