Garfield League of America 3 Episode Final Part Two - The Final Chapter: The Dancers at the End of Hypertime
"And that is how I slayed the Anti-Monitor and escaped from The Dark Place." Said Garfield with conclusion of flashback that began in previous chapter. He then cleared his throat and continued addressing Darkseid and Odie, the tyrannical evildoers who had been doing battle over who had the right to enslave all of existence. "Now to send you two loverbirds to the hell where he burns."
Darkseid scoffed. "You think telling me you killed the Anti-Monitor will make my wicked heart skip a beat? Wrong, Garfield. I will thank you instead for getting that louse out of my hair at last. Now accept your thanks!"
Darkseid glowed with Omega Energy and he began levitating. "Simmer down Darkseid the spot light is mine!" But Odie interrupted him by throwing a fishing net infused with Chaos energy on him.
"Aaaaargh! You'll pay for this!" Darkseid swore as he got all tangled up in the net and tstruglging to escape. While he was occupied with this Odie flourished his Chaos Sword as he and Garfield circled each other like boxers in the ring waiting for opening to strike.
"You know Garfield I had doubts you were really dead after all! I had expected I'd have to hunt you down eventually! But instead you just walk up to me foolishly! Like a half-hearted dieter at an all you can eat buffet!" Odie taunted Garfield. "Now suffer as I feast upon your demise!"Odie charged at Garfield with pointing of sword.
"Careful now I cause indigestion." Said Garfield as he blocked the sword with his bare wrists making it shatter and the fragments got stuck in Odie causing bleeding and infections.
"Grrrrrr! Do not be so smug Garfield you haven't seen anything yet! Behold my new super form!" Odie revealed as he charged up his Chaos Powers and summoned a Large Chaos Mirror before him. "Gaze upon my beauty." Odie sneered to Garfield as he bathed in the sight of his own reflection. Through the pure unfiltered power of his own narcissism, Odie held out his accursed dingle ball before the mirror and he materialized a Kamen Rider Belt on his reflection which then appeared on him in reality.
"HENSHIN!" Odie cackled evilly as he fitted his dingle ball into a slot on the belt buckle. There was the shattering of glass and what stood before Garfield now was no longer just Odie but KAMEN RIDER ODIE!
Kamen Rider Odie had wings of a seraphim and wielded a Gloaming Darkness Runestaff embedded with Chaos Gems. After transforming Odie did an intimidating neck crack before he began teleported around blasting psycho energy balls at Garfield who did flips and cartwheels to dodge them.
"Odie! How did you get the power of a Kamen Rider? That power belongs only to the just and heroic!" Garfield asked to know.
"Ha ha hoo ho Garfield is it not clear enough that all this time I am the hero of the Universe's Saga? Well to answer your curiosity before it kills you when I was in the Underworld after our last battle I made a contract with the top dog monster of the Mirror Dimension! And I shall annihilate you with its power! You won't survive my… FINAL VENT!" Odie bragged with finishing move as he summoned his contract monster, a frothing Black Hound with red eyes and bloodstained minotaur horns made of steel. Odie leapt onto the Black Hound as it charged at Garfield as its horns lit up with abyssal lightning. Odie then dismounted the Black Hound with a flip as he shifted his body into position for a "RIDER KICK!"
Garfield scoffed. "You are always barking up the wrong tree!"
Garfield wound up his arm and intercepted the Black Hound with an uppercut to the jaw. The Black Hound went flying into the air with a big moo and and its lighting went haywire electrocuting itself making it explode. Stray sparks of lightning spread out from the explosion and hit Odie with impalements.
"GZZZZPTLTTATMKPZZZZZ!" Odie went wild with frothiness and convulsions as electricity coursed through his veins directly into his heart involuntarily knocking him out of his Kamen Rider form and he landed with a great big thud in front of Garfield. The blackened char-broiled Odie looked up to see Garfield towering over him with a mighty epic-quality battle-axe in hand that he had looted from the corpse of Darkseid's lieutenant Steppenwolf and hadj just equipped from his inventory (Garfield killed Steppenwolf offscreen in between chapters in a part that wasn't covered by the big flashback)
"Farewell, Odie. Just remember while you're burning in hell it didn't have to end like this but you paved the road that led you here." Said Garfield with finality as he prepared to finish Odie.
"Wait, Garfield. Stay your hand. How about a truce?" Odie offered as he raised his scorched hands in surrender. "Let us team up like the old days and destroy Darkseid together! Then we can divide the world between us. Good and Evil perfectly balanced like a dogbone on a point as all things should be!"
"You know better than to "axe" for things you know you won't get." Unmoved by Odie's plea to his better nature, Garfield raised the axe with determined contemplation.
"Come on, Garfield. Thin kabout it! We have been doing this waltz for so long, have you even stopped to think what you would be without me?" Odie said with continued stalling as he sneakily reached for his back-up piece.
"Time to find out." Said Garfield sternly as he swung the axe right as Odie whipped out his spare six-shooter taking off Odie's hand with a great blood spurt. Garfield grabbed Odie's dismembered hand that was still holding onto the firearm as it fell.
"I am handyman it is time to make repairs." Garfield quipped as he pulled on Odie's finger making it pull the trigger shooting Odie with his own bullets. Odie howled in pain before Garfield swung again and cleaved off his head with decapitations. But before Garfield could celebrate defeating Odie once again he heard the sounds of Omega Beams charging up.
"Oof!" Said Garfield as he barely got his axe in place for blocking in time as Darkseid having freed himself blasted Omega Beams at him shattering the axe into pieces.
"Short-sighted as ever Garfield. Without combining your might with Odie what chance do you have against me?" Darkseid taunted Garfield as he began levitating with his arms held behind his back. Darkseid thought he head Garfield dead to rights point blank and then fired another blast of Omega Beams to finish Garfield.
"I'll take those odds." Said Garfield as he parried the Omega Beams, slapping them aside with such sheer force Darkseid went flying the to side.
"Absurdities! I defeated you Garfield you should stand no chance against me!" Darkseid said rising with ranting.
"You forget that I am a Proud Red White and Blue American! Knock me down and I'll just get right back up and knock you down even harder!" Said Garfield as he landed a devastating cross-uppercut on Darkseid's jaw sending him flying across the distance of multiple fly-over states until he landed in the ruins of Chicago.
Darkseid looked up from the crater he made when he landed and in horror saw Garfield standing on the tip of the damaged Sears Tower.
"Like property development in Detroit you are over Darkseid!" Garfield cried out as he jumped and did a flip, grabbing onto Sears Tower as he did. Garfields' centrifugal motion tore the skyscraper out of its foundations and he prepared to use it to stake Darkseid.
"You think you've won Garfield?" Think again!" Darkseid Suddenly yelled and without warning with a gust of super-breath Garfield was sent spiraling off course ruining his finishing attack.
"What? Superman? Have you lost all your senses?" Garfield yelled out incensed as he crawled out of a hole in the ground after landing.
"Superman? Wrong. Supergirl." Said Supergirl as she flew into view. But this was not the Supergirl Garfield had gotten to know intimately inside and out these past few days. Her voice was all distorted, her eyes were glowing red, and her entire body seemed wrapped in a shifting veil of darkness.
"Sooner or later no matter how fine she is a woman's gonna need some sense knocked into her." Garfield sighed as he raised his fist but a Glowing Lasso wrapped around Garfield's arm and yanked him up into the air. Garfield found himself face to face with Wonder Woman, who had the same distortions Supergirl did.
"The Lasso of Hestia reveals the truth. That you are impotent blank-shooter compared to Darkseid's Majestic Granduer." Said Wonder Woman as she swung Garfield around in the air towards a bolt of lighting.
"Your Lasso of Truth is in need of warranty check. Here let me make you feel like a woman!" Garfield said as he grabbed the lightning and flung it into Wonder Woman making her body quiver and shake all over as she screamed quite orgasmically. Wonder Woman shrieked. "NO I MUST NOT DEFY GREAT DARKSEID! HIS LOVE LIVES IN ME THERE'S NO ROOM FOR YOU!"
Wonder Woman flung Garfield back eastward, landing in the remains of the ruins of Metropolis.
Garfield shook dust off, looking up to see Darkseid levitating above him flanked by Supergirl and Wonder Woman.
"What have you done, Darkseid! Give me back my women!" Garfield demanded.
Darkseid laughed. "Garfield through all this did you never stop to wonder what happened to all those who The Flash sacrificed as write-offs to The Big Zasz? They were Taken to my Dark Place. Where they became mine, as all things do in the end."
"Arrrgh." Garfield grunted as from out of nowhere as several batarangs lodged into his back. Garfield turned around as he ripped them out to see the possessed Batgirl, the one whom all this write-off shenanigans had started with. And all around him, from the shadows, they were emerging. Everyone Garfield knew who had been used for Write Offs in the name of The Big Zasz were now shadowy minions of Darkseid. Even the coyote Garfield had roomed with in Freshman Year at Harvard, whom he had not thought about in decades, was here. The flock of Darkseid's Taken Ones grew and grew exponentially until Garfield was completely surrounded. It was as if after Darkseid had remolded the entire world in his image he had left a little sliver of himself in every sentient being and now all of life on Earth did not just belong to Darkseid it was Darkseid.
"At least The Flash had the decency to kill Jon Arbuckle to spare him from this mockery of a fate." Garfield muttered, chilled at the prospect that in another timeline his oldest friend would be amongst Darkseid's numbers.
"Are you so certain of that, Garfield?" Darkseid said as the sea of Taken parted and Darkseid walked through them. "Gaze upon my visage deeply and behold the all-damning possibilities of Anti-Life."
"Jon Arbuckle. My oldest friend. No." Said Garfield in horror as he realized that Darkseid's body was in fact Jon Arbuckle's - Darkseid's spirit had taken command of Jon Arbuckle's corpse somehow and was using it as his vessel!
"I knew it was time to do some body-swapping while my Female Furies kept you busy. Oh there were other options, those who mattered to you, but they all would've resisted longer than I wished. But Jon Arbuckle oh what little of his spirit was left in his corpse after I brought it back with Anti-Life resisted just long enough to satisfy my appetites before he became mine!" Darkseid mocked Garfield. "Will you kill me and with me your Oldest Friend? In fact…" Suddenly Darkseid clenched his fist and all of his horde clenched their fists and spoke in unison as black lighting streaked across the blood-red skies. "KILL ME AND YOU KILL EVERYTHING!"
"The night of anguish that lasts forever is here. And I am the Night." Darkseid ranted as all of his Taken followers jumped on Garfield and began beating him like a gang initiation. "I am the New God. All is one in Darkseid. My body is the world, the Church of the Final Religion! Seven billion fists shall crush all resistance, seven billion voices will shall rejoice at the End! Garfield when I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams and break your heart… it is with fourteen billion eyes that I do it with!"
"Ugh you will not win Darkseid I have defeated you before I'll do it again!" Garfield said with determination, even he caught lefts and rights from all over. Garfield tried to fight back, but his fists were stuck at half-power - lest he permanently kill the bodies playing host to Darkseid's diabolism.
"Foolish Garfield! You have previously only encounter fleeting fragments and echoes! But now behold the fullness of Darkseid. You have faced nothing like me before and you never will again. The mark of Darkseid shall scar thy DNA." Darkseid snapped his fingers, seven billion fingers snappers in unison with him, and then the possessed Green Lantern Corps (they had been turned into Black Lanterns by Darkseid's corruption) impaled Garfield with several claymore constructs.
"Ouch." Said Garfield as he stood with blood dripping from where the claymore constructs were sticking out of him.
"I will take you to a hell without exit or end, Garfield. There I shall murder your soul. Over and over again! You shall crawl before me and beg to die! And die and die again! Die for Darkseid!" Said Darkseid as he opened a portal with his hellish magics and began to summon the Black Racer, the New God incarnation of Death. A black-armor clad demon on skis emerged from the portal, looking at Garfield like a bull seeing red. "GARFIELD I AM DEATH AND I HAVE COME FOR YOU!" The Balck Racer declared.
"Huh." Said Garfield with blinking. "I much preferred it when Death was a hot goth chick. I didn't mind her coming for me." Garfield added with a suave wink.
"It is over Garfield. It was over for you before it even started." Said Darkseid as he aimed the Black Racer straight at Garfield's heart. "The sun has set forever. Lasagna shall never be baked again. America is now but a forgotten memory buried beneath sand and dust. Stop resisting the despair, Garfield."
Darkseid's eyes flared with Omega Beams and he blasted the Black Racer to infuse him with Omega Power to give Garfield Omega Death. "There is a black hole where my heart should be. Let me show you how it feels Garfield, in the oblivion of Omega Sanction. And at last you shall understand your insignificance in loneliness."
Darkseid threw the Black Racer at Garfield but before The Balck Racer could impale Garfield with his deadly ski poles there was a flash of golden light and something stopped the The Black Racer dead in his tracks. It was a force greater than even pure personified Death. "NOEEAAAYAHGH." The Black Racer screamed as it coursed through the entirety of his being. The Black Racer tried to escaped but his body destabilized and it felt apart in a clatter of empty armor pieces.
"Darkseid you are wrong like ketchup on a hot dog. I am not alone. I never was. And now we shall so you the superpower that is friendship and teamwork!" Garfield stood with confident warrior's spirit.
"Impossible!" Darkseid spat out his tea. "Who can bring Death itself to heel?"
But the answer was clear in the form of a shining hopeful symbol that looked like an S as the dust cleared. Superman stood very triumphantly, all powered up in his golden form of Superman Prime One Million.
"Hi Darkseid. Longtime no beat." Said Superman with a smile as he cracked his knuckles."
"Oh did I forget to mention that Superman escaped with me?" Garfield said cheekily.
"Damned cat, your accursed Kryptonian companion changes nothign1" Darkseid declared. "This world is still mine!"
"Correction." Said Superman as he raised his hand. "This world was yours."
Superman then snapped his fingers and on cue there was sounds of explosions and firecrackers going off all over the world. There was a flash of light and the red skies became blue once more before rain clouds shaped like Superman's symbol formed. A liberating storm of rain fell upon the masses, and Darkseid's Taken shrieked as the Magical Kryptonian Rains liberated the corrupting taint of Darkseid from their bodies. All over, people began collapsing into unconsciousness, the trauma of the ordeal too much to bear. Only Darkseid was able to get to cover in time, where he then got a phone call.
"Desaad, what is it? Don't you know I'm busy?" Darkseid snapped over the phone with annoyed irritation. "Oh, you're telling me Superman just cleared all of my outposts and reactivated all the radio towers to liberate the world? He even collected all 1000 New Genesis Relics? WHERE WAS THIS INFO WHEN IT WOULD'VE BEEN USEFUL THIRTY MINUTES AGO?"
Darkseid angrily fired his Omega Beams, not as Superman or Garfield as the Omega Beams ignored them as they flew by and then over the cell phone Garfield and Superman heard on the other ned of the line a screaming Desaad being disintegrated. Darkseid then squeezed the cell phone to destroy with crushing.
"It's over, Darkseid! You presented me with a boring repetitive checklist of content that insulted my time and my intelligence but I successfully cleared the world map with 100% completion while Garfield kept you busy!" Superman informed Darkseid. "Surrender and we may put in a word of leniency for painless execution at Galactic Law Court instead of painful execution!"
"Blast! I knew I should not have outsourced such an important task to former Ubisoft developers!" Said Darkseid with regrets of hindsight. But his moodiness past and he punched Superman sending him flying back. "But it's not over, Superman! It will never be over so long as a single shred of evil exists in the beating heart of the beast you call Man! AND THE BEAT GOES ON! I WILL ERECT AN EVIL EMPIRE OF EVERLASTING ANTI-LIFE!"
Darkseid fired his Omega Beams at Superman and Garfield but Superman used his heat vision and Garfield did a chi blast to intercept and have a beam battle with Darkseid.
"Rrrrrgh!" Darkseid grunted as the two heroes forced his Omega Beams back into his eyes, causing a bursting pop and Darkseid was blinded. As Darkseid stumbled back with reeling Garfield leapt to him with claws out and forced his hand directly into the rotting chest of Darkseid's flesh suit.
"I'm afraid, Darkseid, that you haven't been marching to your beat. You've been marching to mine and guess what you've stepped out of line one time too many!" Said Garfield like an anvil smashing a metronome as he tore out the blackened heart that had once been his friend Jon Arbuckle's. "Darkseid - YOU'RE OUT OF THE BAND!
"Now that's what I call a tough break!" Superman said with joking as Garfield crushed the heart of Darkseid and Darkseid's body collapsed. But any celebrations were premature, for rising from the corpse was none other than the undiluted essence of Darkseid. And the essence was spreading in search of a new host.
"Did I not tell you Garfield? With Anti-Life my reach is boundless. And there are corpses aplenty to serve as hosts anew." Said Darkseid with mockery as his spirit utilized the Anti-Life Equation to bring him prospective several vessels to rebirth Darkseid which included the freshly departed Odie - using the Anti-Life Equation to stitch Odie's head back onto his body.
Garfield scoffed. "In life that canine corpse was never a match for me. You think that will be any different now that you are puppeteering them like a divorced one-armed alcoholic?"
"Perhaps not." Said Darkseid with reluctant admittance. "But let's see how you fare against a World. Not just any world but DARKSEID'S WORLD!"
Suddenly Parademons with nuked strapped to their backs swooped down and clustered then the nukes went off. Superman and Garfield were able to tank the nukes and Garfield was also able to cast a protection spell to protect the unconscious population of the world from the blast, but the Parademons were successfully able to nuke a whole tunnel to the core of the Earth.
"Can you save the world if the only way is to kill the World?" Darkseid laughed with mockery as his spirit traveled towards the beating heart of Earth in order to possess the entire planet and turn Earth into Planet Darkseid. "Oh Cat of Lasagna squirm as you contemplate your dilemma!"
"I don't squirm, I slay." Garfield declared as he jumped in after Darkseid.
"I'll make sure it's just you and him!" Said Superman as he cracked his knuckles and flexed in warming-up as the remainder of Darkseid's invasion fleet arrived via Boom Tubes, flanked by a sky-blackening horde of Parademons. Recognizing Superman, the Fleet and Parademons began firing laser guns at Superman. Superman smiled as he took off in flight to intercept them.
While Superman held Darkseid's forces off singlehandedly, Garfield arrived in Hollow Earth, the subterranean world within the world that made up the Core of Earth. Garfield knew it was urgent that he stop Darkseid before he succeeded in possessing the entire Earth otherwise he might very well be forced to Destroy the Entire World to save it. However, before Garfield could take another step, he was suddenly swarmed by the incorporeal essence of Darkseid. Garfield tried to shake Darkseid off but because Darkseid was a ghost Garfield's furious fists merely passed through.
"Ha ha Garfield you have fallen for my trap! Now that you are all alone there is nothing to stop me from turning you into my Final Form!" Said Darkseid with gleeful victory and he then possessed Garfield. "CHOKE UPON FEAR AND PAIN! EMBRACE ANTI-LIFE AS YOUR ONLY SALVATION!"
But Darkseid's gloating was short-lived when almost instantly he was expelled like gases from the body after too much Taco Bell and before Darkseid could get his bearings suddenly Garfield grabbed ahold of his ghostly form and Darkseid felt Lasagna Power flowing into him transforming his incorporeal form into a solid state.
"I think I'll stick with lasagna." Garfield quipped before Garfield throttled Darkseid's spirit.
"Impossible! How can you resist a Direct Darkseid Possession? Not even Superman is powerful enough to resist!" Darkseid demanded to know as he slipped out of Garfield's grasp. "FEAR AND PAIN SHOULD'VE OVERWHELMED YOU!"
"You clearly did not foresee that to protect the people and world I care I would surpass the very bounds of reality to transcend fear and pain." Said Garfield as he concentrated his chi to mentally cross the many dimensional planes and bring their mysteries into his light. "I have ascended to a new level of existence in Lasagna. An existence with no fear, no pain."
A new Kamen Rider Belt materialized around Garfield's waist. "SUPER HENSHIN!" Garfield yelled as his Insert Song "Burning Justice God of Lasagna" kicked in. Garfield then leapt at Darkseid, landing a full impact punch to his jaw. While Darkseid was reeling from Garfield's punch Garfield began beating him all over and with every hit red armor formed around Garfield until he became a brand new Kamen Rider.
"I have become a Kamen Rider to surpass even the Lasagna Sun. A best match between the values of America and Lasagna. I am KAMEN RIDER GARFIELD!" Garfield proclaimed as he struck an action pose.
Garfield then uppercutted Darkseid in the throat which sent him flying back up the tunnel to the surface of Earth where by now Superman had completely demolished his army. Darkseid looked down as he continued to fly upwards and in horror saw Garfield riding off a ramp on his shining new Lasagnachaser 2K motorbike.
"COSMIC METEOR RIDER KICK!" Garfield cried out as he did a backflip off his motorbike all the way past the stratosphere and into outer space. Meanwhile the motorbike hit Darkseid in the stomach and the tire lodged deep ripping out Darkseid's insides with a spin while the force sent him flying the length of several flyover states before landing making a big mushroom cloud. Garfield then reached zero gravity and positioned himself for orbital reentry via a Garfield Rider Kick. As Garfield reentered the atmosphere he caught on fire like a blazing phoenix, descending towards the crater where Darkseid was like a fateful missile.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Darkseid screamed as Garfield impacted him and turned him into bloody mess. Garfield did a stylish superhero landing pose as the remains of Darkseid exploded behind him - the intergalactic conqueror had at last been destroyed.
"Good job Garfield you've just destroyed Darkseid! Perhaps for good this time!" Said Superman with optimism but before a liberated Earth could celebrate there was suddenly shaking and destruction of Earthquakes and tsunamis and volcanoes. "Oh no what is going on?" Superman asked with concern.
"It is as I feared!" Said Garfield with scientific theory. "When Darkseid reshaped the Earth in his image, he must have used Anti-Life Equation to rewrote the code of existence to make it all dependent on his! Now that I have just made his life nil, reality must be destabilizing and about to collapse into a pure void of nothingness!"
"Oh no Garfield what can we do? Shall I set my Fortress of Solitude to Spaceship Mode and evacuate the planet?" Superman said with helpful suggestions.
"No Superman there is nowhere in the Universe that isn't about to implode. We have only one option… and that is go nuclear ourselves. Hand me the typewriter that alters reality, I saved a few pages just in case things came this far." Said Garfield as he beckoned to Superman.
"I don't like to play marbles upon the tapestry of reality but we have no choice." Said Superman as he took out the reality-altering typewriter from the last chapter, as the walls of reality itself began to crumble around them. "Quickly Garfield before its too late set things back to the way they were before."
"No. If we just return things to the way they were, there's no guarantee that this just won't happen again. No, I must change things to be better. I must make this a Garfield World." Said Garfield with hard decisions as he began typing away.
"But Garfield!" Superman pointed out with alarms and warnings. "Isn't messing with reality to make the world the way you want it what our enemies have been doing?"
"Of course not. It's wrong when the bad guys do it cause they're bad, but it's okay when I do it because I'm the good guy." Said Garfield with facts and logic.
"I can't argue with that." Superman admitted. Garfield then finished typing, right as the collapse of reality reached them. But before they could be disintegrated into final nothingness, there was a bright flash of red lights and a scent in the air that smelled like a lasagna fresh out of the oven.
When the light faded, the scene had transitioned to the Batcave. Just like at the start of this narrative, Batman had been restored to his original appearance and was sitting at the Batcomputer waiting for something to happen.
"Alfred, something is off. Gotham is quiet… too quiet." Batman commented as he took a sip of his all-black no-sugar-no-cream Bat-Coffee from his Bat-Mug. "I don't even hear Damien's incessant chatter and pathetic yearning for my affections?"
"Don't you remember, Master Bruce?" Said Alfred with catch-up exposition. "Garfield changed reality in his most recent great adventure. He took care of most of your rogues' gallery. They're dead and buried till the next big timeline alteration I suppose. And as for your son…"
In walked a teenager, who instead of being a Teenage Boy who looked like Bruce Wayne but Teenage Boy, was now a Teenage Girl Who looked like Bruce Wayne but Teenage Girl. "Hello Father, I am Helena Wayne. Remember the night you were drunk and on ecstasy while tweaking and passed out in Talia Al Ghul's house? Garfield changed the timeline so you ended up Catwoman's house instead in order to replace Damien Wayne in the timeline with me. Unlike my brother I pledge to be dutiful and obedient offspring who will never question your authority. I will always do the dishes without being asked and will cower in tearful fear when you yell at me for getting my math homework wrong." Helena Wayne promised in monotone voice as she stared into the distance blankly with hollow eyes.
"Ah, looks like I owe Garfield a big one." Said Batman as he laughed in good riddance at the erasure of his son from the timeline.
"You can start by giving him your thanks in person." Said Alfred as he handed Batman an invite to Garfield's Big Rock and Roll Pool Bash. "May I recommend you bring along a Lasagna Basket for gifting?"
"That's. a great idea Alfred. Do you want to come to?" Batman asked as he picked up a Lasagna Basket.
"I'm sorry Master Bruce but my shows are about to come on." Said Alfred as he turned on the TV for watching. "Kamen Rider Build is the best and I cannot miss an episode of the Build Boys and their Adventures."
"Very well Alfred I'll bring back some take-out." Batman nodded to Alfred as Alfred began dancing along to the opening of Kamen Rider Build. Batman the hopped in the Batmobile and drove off to Garfield's pad.
Meanwhile at Garfield's pad, the party was already in full-swing. Garfield accompanied by his bandmate Superman was shredding heavy metal hard rock guitars on the floating stage in the middle of his olympic-size swimming pool as schools of scantily-clad or naked superheroine babes frolicked about. Garfield performed all his most famous hits and debut several new singles from his next EP to great cheering.
"Stay dry Supes I'm about to make a big splash." Announced Garfield as he smashed his guitar on stage and then did a sideways jump into the crowded pool as Superman took center stage. Oohing and aahing the crowd carried Garfield all the way to the poolside edge where his oldest friend Jon Arbuckle was waiting while drinking a Jack and Coke.
"Well done Garfield you have saved the Universe once again and even better brought me back to life!" Said Jon Arbuckle with congratulations as he handed Garfield a Lasagna and Tonic. Jon Arbuckle and Garfield clinked glasses then downed their drinks in one gulp. "So what's next, Garfield?"
"I'm sure in time, evils new and old will rear their ugly heads. This ain't my first reboot rodeo." Said Garfield like the seasoned cowpoke rancher. "It's inevitable that all things return to the shapes we know. And the eternal shape of the world is Good vs. Evil. But for now…"
Supergirl, Wonder Woman, and Batgirl were clustered together and in a synchronized swimming motion they ripped off their bra tops and shook their large wet breasts at Garfield.
"…look for for the shape of things to come." Said Garfield with a wink. Everyone hooted and gave thumbs ups to Garfield as he swam towards the trinity of Funtime, ready to wrap around them like the many-tentacled kraken and drag them to his deep-sea lair of love where he would bring them to infinite pleasure like prying apart a clamshell to get to the shiny pearl within.
But back in Central City, Garfield's prediction that evil would return was already coming to fruition.
"Aaaaaah! What the? Where am I?" Said Barry Allen The Flash as he woke up in his bed soaked in sweat. He tried to remember but his mind was a swirling black vortex and his whole body felt like he'd eaten too much Domino's Pizza the night before. The Flash decided he would get dressed and go to Justice League headquarters after breakfast for ansers. The Flash went to his bathroom to brush his teeth. At first The Flash put the toothpaste on his toothbrush like normal but then absentmindedly he began wasting the toothpaste as he squeezed gobs of it into the sink.
The Flash then looked into the mirror. And instead of his own reflection, he saw a shifting morass of others. Wally West, Reverse Flash, The Dark Flash. The Flash drew back, before violently slamming his forehead into the mirror. As the glass cracked making cuts of blood on his forehead, memories of everything in the past timelines began flooding back to The Flash and he began laughing insanely.
"How's Iris? How's Iris? How Iris?" The Flash repeated like a broken record as he giggled.
"Flash Fact, Garfield! You've already lost and you don't even know it!" The Flash proclaimed. "In resetting the timeline you brought me back but the Speed Force preserved my mind! But I bet that you and all the world have forgotten when your memories have acclimated to this New Earth! Thus I shall use my foreknowledge to at last vanquish you and become the Greatest Hero this universe deserves! Yeah baby, it's Miller Time so cue the music Alexa - play Get Him Back by Olivia Rodrigo!"
But before The Flash could embark on a new reign of terror, Alexa began playing "The Day You Went Away" by early 2000s Norwegian pop act M2M instead and there was a sudden creaking of the door. The Flash looked back into the cracked mirror. And his jaw dropped in horror as sweat began to build. For there in the reflection was the Mystery Man, the large-girthed Mexican he had kept seeing in his nightmares.
"Heh heh heh..." The Mystery Man giggled.
"Wh… what are you?" The Flash tried to tap into the Speed Force and move to pulverize the intruder. But the fear made his legs like lead welded in place. He was helpless as the Mystery Man embraced him like a hog at the slaughterhouse. And he was about to learn firsthand from a rather peculiar superhero that when an outlaw escapes justice, sometimes their crimes are so heinous that justice will transcend the very boundaries of time and reality to get what it's due. Justice is forever, and it will never die.
"Bueno." The Mystery Man whispered in The Flash's ear as he moved his hands downwards. The Flash suddenly felt that the Mystery Man was very happy to see him. The word Bueno! rang over and over again in The Flash's ear as justice bent him over and forced its way into his body. The Flash squealed like a pig as justice hammered him like a nail and soon burning hot justice was flowing freely through him. The Flash prayed for the salvation of oblivion, but there was no numbness coming his way. Everything that had transpired and would transpire, he felt full force. Alexa began playing My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" The screaming from The Flash's bathroom soon woke up his lousy roommates and not long after the entire complex. It took them a long time to open the locked door. Only after The Flash's screaming had finally ceased, capped off with a triumphant cry of EXCELLENTE!, did a man in a football suit and pads break it down with charging. In quick succession, after seeing what was behind the door, someone called the cops. When the cops arrived at the apartment ten hours later Alexa was now playing a loop of distorted static. The Flash's lousy roommates and his neighbors were sitting clutching their knees and mumbling nonsense as they rocked back-and-forth, covered in their own dried vomit.
"I wouldn't go in there if I was you." Said the Building Superintendent as he stood guard at the bathroom door. He smelt like he had done number one and two to himself in sheer terror.
"It's our job." Said Retiring Veteran Police Officer with duties.
"Your funeral then." Said the Building Superintendent with grim nodding. Veteran Police Officer took a look inside the bathroom. He then promptly turned around and walked out of the entire building without looking back or saying a word his face shellshocked. Overcome by morbid curiosity, his partner Hotheaded Reckless Police Officer took a look inside the bathroom and promptly lost his lunch seeing what state The Flash had been left in before he instinctively ripped out his pistol and began shooting. Amidst the mess that had enveloped the entire bathroom, there was no sign of anyone else.
Absentmindedly, as The Flash felt his consciousness fading and returning to the loveless abyss that was the Speed Force for good, he muttered four words that reverberated non-linear across time. "Eobard Thawne is dead." But before the words had finished forming on lips he had already forgotten their meaning.
Elsewhere underneath a spinning disco ball in a packed dance hall, Garfield danced away as everyone surrounded him and cheered. Someone threw Garfield a new guitar and he caught it, shredding away as pyrotechnics went off behind him. Garfield danced many days and nights, light and shadow bouncing off his body in equal measure. And as he danced Garfield knew that as long as this world needed a hero, Garfield was forever. Garfield would never die.
The End.