Chapter Nine: Totality

The end of September was fair weathered, and the evenings were pleasant.

Three months had come and gone like clockwork, and Maura was still no closer to hiring on any additional staff that she felt could run the place in her stead. Understanding that her expectations were set a bit high at first, the applicants had eventually thinned and now Maura was stuck.

Jane continued to make the trip west each weekend, appointing herself a regular and welcome face among mourners who visited either the funeral home or the cemetery nearby. Wherever the woman went she seemed to instill a sense of security within others. Maura thought that maybe it was her steadfast demeanor and intensely focused gaze… or the deep husk of her voice, or perhaps the way she used her hands… Whatever it was, she certainly felt safer whenever Jane was around. Ever since her last encounter with her father's "business partner", Maura had been frequently looking over her shoulder and looking for him in shadows. Half of her hoped that the problem had simply disappeared since months had gone by without another appearance… but deep down Maura feared that maybe she wasn't so lucky. Having Jane with her for at least two days out of every week seemed to ease her anxiety immensely.

Jo Friday would make a beeline for the courtyard cobblestones, skittering her paws to a clumsy halt at the full paned back doors. Her excited yaps were always Maura's indication that Jane had arrived, and soon it was a welcome sound to her ears. Maura's heart would always leap a little bit on every Friday night that Jane would appear under the amber glow of her terrace lanterns.

After that, Saturdays were typically a slow pace of long morning coffees and last-minute arrangements for grieving families. Jane and Maura spent their time elsewhere on occasions where the funeral home was occupied, usually in town or traipsing around the bouldered plain barrens in search of bone and flint arrowheads. Jane would usually insist upon a nice place to rest with a beer before long, and they would sit and enjoy the breeze until it was time to trek back towards the house. Happy just to be out of the city, Jane suggested they picnic upon her next visit. Maura thought this a novel idea since the afternoons of late had been so inviting with clear skies and acceptable temperatures. When Jane arrived that next weekend, Maura collected a picnic's worth of blankets, pillows, snack foods and wine bottles to take with them to the small rocky outcropping just beyond the cemetery. Jane offered to tote most of it, making herself a happy pack mule of sorts. They also thought to bring along the sleek brass telescope which stood on a mahogany tripod in Maura's office, which had more than likely only been used once or twice in its lifetime. One of her father's, ever the collector. That evening they climbed until Maura was satisfied and they each sat upon their blankets and pillows to wait until the sky grew dark. Maura paced herself with her glasses of wine, wanting to not be inebriated to the point where she could not squint down the barrel of the telescope. They had meant to use it, of course, but were quickly preoccupied with the sheer massiveness of the sight growing in luminosity above them.

It didn't take long for Jane to become awestruck at how clearly the stars shone in the sky, being unobscured by city smog or lights upon the ground. It was as if someone had pulled a shade over the horizon and perforated it with tiny holes where the brightest heavenly light filtered through. They appeared so close that one need only reach up with a hand to pluck them out from the bespangled blanket above their heads. Jane went on for several minutes about how many there were, and about how she missed her younger days where the night's sky had looked so similar. Maura's questions about Jane's childhood had grown in number over the past few months, and while the dark-haired woman was rather tight-lipped and unintentionally vague at best, Maura had come to discover the adorably innocent parts of her. The parts that had wanted a "My Pretty Pony" birthday party when she was nine, and a bunk bed to build a fort inside of instead of a flowery canopy bed. Maura still didn't know the reason for Jane's reserved nature when it came to talking about her youth, but she figured that if there was anyone in the world that Jane Rizzoli was this open and honest with, about any of it at all, it was her.

The fact that Jane continuously made her work so hard for it stung a little. Maura couldn't help but to feel that way.

"Okay, I see it now. The pail is there, and the water is there—" Jane said, pointing towards the sky from where she lay against her pillow.

"Hmm…" Maura hummed in retrospect, "It's often depicted as more of an amphora…"

"A who?"

Maura chuckled. "An amphora, a distinctly Mediterranean clay vessel that carried water and other items such as grapes, olives, fish—"

"I get the idea." Jane gave a flourished wave of her hand in the air and pointed above the constellation which she had spent the better part of fifteen minutes figuring out. "Are they still constellations if they're really far apart? These—" She mapped with her fingertip, drawing a line from one bright star to another in a wide path, "These all kinda look like a horse."

"Pegasus."

"I knew it." Jane curled her hand into a fist and gave it a small, victorious pump.

Maura laughed beneath her breath and rolled her eyes. "The winged son of Medusa and Poseidon. It's said that the Greek hero Bellerophon attempted to ride Pegasus toward Olympus to join the gods but fell back down to earth. He shares a star with the constellation Andromeda here—" Maura covered Jane's hand in the air with her own then and moved it to point at another smattering of bright, twinkling stars.

Maura loved the way touching Jane's hands made her feel. Much to her joy, Jane seemed to share the same sentiment, making absolutely zero effort to withdraw from her. Her generous and tactile nature often took the place of her words and did well enough to get her point across in most cases, but Maura seldom wondered if it would one day cease to be enough. They laid there quietly for a moment in peaceful reverie of the way their hands intertwined so easily; Maura running her fingers down Jane's wrist and Jane smoothing the pad of her thumb into Maura's palm. Those quiet moments always seemed the loudest…The way they silently explored one another. It wasn't until Maura felt the urge to pull Jane's hand to her mouth and to lay kisses upon it that she sat back up and shook her shoulders to rid herself of the thought.

"I have something for you." She said.

"Yeah?"

Maura dug in the zippered pocket of her picnic case and revealed a small, polished stone which hung on a leather cord.

"Here. It's a bit heavier than it looks." She said as she dropped it into the palm of Jane's open hand.

"Wow, it is. But it's so small… What is it?"

"A meteorite fragment."

"A meteori- are you serious?" Jane guffawed.

"I had it made special and have just been forgetting to give it to you lately… Careful not to wear it in the shower though. It can still rust."

Jane smiled from ear to ear. "Probably the coolest piece of jewelry I own now."

"And definitely the oldest." Maura said proudly and watched as Jane looked up at her with a confused expression. "That small piece of cosmic rock is the oldest thing you will ever hold in your entire life."

"How old are we talkin'?" Jane asked with an unbelieving huff.

"This piece in particular, with the expert mathematical equations used by examining these patterned etchings here," She pointed precisely near the small lines on its surface, "…about twenty million years old."

"Holy shit- Maura, this doesn't need to be around my neck. This needs to be in a museum."

"No…" Maura pushed Jane's hand back when she offered it towards her, insisting that she keep it. "It's a gift."

My love for you spans tens of millions of years…

"Well…" Jane propped herself up onto her elbows to speak a bit more closely, "Thank you, Maura."

Maura smiled, unsure of what to say if she couldn't bring herself to expose those idle and sometimes agonizing words in her head.

You are a fallen star in the palm of my hand,

…burning, ethereal and forever.

I will never let your light go out.

Jane shifted on her hips for a moment, fiddling with some of the loose threads from the patterned blanket beneath her. "Can I ask you a question?"

"That in itself is a question, so yes. You can." Maura teased.

Jane rolled her eyes with a wide smile and sat up to loop the meteorite necklace around her neck. "I dunno…" She began, "I just wonder sometimes if you don't feel a bit weird living right above a funeral home… I know you're not really bothered by death, obviously, but isn't it strange to live where you work?"

"I don't suppose it is, no."

"So, you're not bothered by the dead people under your bed?"

Maura gave a playfully admonishing -tsk- with her tongue and brushed some of her coppery blonde hair over her shoulder. "Well, when you say it like that…"

Jane laughed through her smile and swayed closer to Maura, leaning heavily where her hand was perched between them. "You're still havin' trouble finding people who wanna work in a funeral home, aren't you?"

Maura frowned, deflating a bit. "I'm afraid I've run off all of the potentials by now. It's a small town, and I can't seem to get anyone from the city to pay me a second glance."

"You'll find someone." Jane moved to place her hand upon Maura's knee, giving her a slight squeeze there. "You're a good judge of character."

"Is that so?"

"Well, you seem to wanna be friends with me, so then again I ain't so sure—" Jane cackled a laugh whenever Maura swatted at her hip. Then, as if a runaway thought had made its way back, Jane swallowed sheepishly and ran her fingers through her hair to pull it from her face, "I um… I broke things off with Casey."

Maura's head nearly spun around like a top at the sudden change in conversation. "Wow, okay. Can I ask why…?"

Jane dusted her hands together and then pulled her legs up to hug her knees, apparently wanting to make herself as small as possible. "He kept pushing me for an answer," She shrugged and then clarified further, "…whether to marry him or not."

"And you said no because you don't want to be an army wife?" Maura tried.

Jane shook her head.

"Or because you don't want to follow him around the world?"

Jane shook her head again.

"Weren't those the biggest reasons why you were so conflicted?" Maura asked, nearing the limit of her patience for the way Jane always shrank away from her every time something heavy made its way into one of their conversations.

Jane's head shook a third time, but her eyes stayed locked steadily on Maura's.

"Why do you do that?" Maura asked, unable to mask her sense of exasperation now.

"Do what?"

Maura turned a palm up into the air as if to display her vexation, "Run away from things whenever we talk?"

"I do not."

"Do you think I'm going to judge you?"

"No, of course not—"

"Jane…" Maura massaged her temples for a moment, wanting nothing more than to turn away and take back the fact that she had even brought it up in the first place. She felt helpless to stop now, because it was coming out of her whether she liked it or not. "I didn't even know that you could ride a horse until a few months ago, and even then, you would barely talk about it."

Jane's demeanor suddenly shifted, and hard. She clenched her jaw with a dull -click- and said with a voice that masked her hurt, "Coming from the woman who couldn't even tell me that she had a dad."

Maura felt her face grow hot. "That's not fair. That's different."

"Is it?" Jane matched her ire inch for inch. Her cheeks began to flush, and her eyes darted all over the features of Maura's face.

"I just want to know you, Jane. Is that too much to ask?" Maura shook her head, "Everything we talk about most of the time is so much on the surface level, like you're keeping me out when all I want to do is climb inside. The things you do and the things you say, they don't always carry the same weight and every time I try to get close to one or the other- you just slink back into your shell."

"Okay," Jane scooted all the way around on her hips and sat facing Maura now, throwing her hands into the air, "What d'you wanna know?"

"I don't know—"

"What do you want to know, Maura?" Jane asked again, this time a bit louder and enunciating each of her words clearly, indicating that she was agitated past the point of return.

"Everything." Maura shot back, unable to stop herself again.

"Everything, huh?" Jane smacked the tops of her thighs, "Alright. So, you wanna know about how every time I wake up in the morning and all I can see is your face, but then I remember that you're not actually there, because you're here...?"

Maura stopped, rearing her head back in surprise.

"Or about how every night I lay down in my bed and I wish to God that you could be there, but I know that you can't, because you're too busy being here."

"Why does it feel like you're holding it against me that I left Dallas? I told you that I couldn't do both—"

"I know that!" Jane climbed to her feet and stood then, setting her hands upon her hips.

"You're shouting, Jane—"

"I know that too, Maura."

Maura stood as well whenever she saw Jane begin to pace a little too close to the boulder's edge. They weren't extremely high up along the exposed bedrock, but if she were to fall over, the rocks below no doubt would injure her severely. "Jane, come away from there—"

"For heaven's sake," Jane whirled around, her arms still waving about angrily, "…you're the first and last thought in my head every single day. What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to step away from the edge."

Jane took three to four great strides directly toward Maura then, stopping just a few inches away from her face. "Fine. What else?"

Maura saw how dark her eyes were even in the starlight. Jane breathed heavily through her nose like a bull and furled her hands into fists, tucking them beneath each of her arms. The terrifying contrapasso of Jane's reticent nature was now on full display, and though she seemed bursting with it, the crossing of her arms and hiding of her hands indicated that she felt more vulnerable than anything. Maura withered. Why did everything look like anger to her? She could feel the heat radiating off of Jane like a bonfire and found herself pulled towards it like a moth to flame.

"I- it's…" Maura sputtered for a moment, amazed at how quickly their evening had turned sour. "I just want to know you."

"Okay." Jane clenched her teeth again, "You mean you wanna know what makes me tick?"

Maura nodded.

Jane paused for a moment and then leaned closer. "You do."

That right there was not anywhere near the realm of possibility of what Maura thought Jane would say to her. She half-expected it to be some sort of dormant rage that had to do with Jane's father, whom Jane rarely ever mentioned, but Maura merely stood there in shock, aghast at the accusation.

Jane's beautifully cleft chin began to quiver. "You have no idea how I feel about you, do you?"

"I would if you would just tell me," Maura swallowed. "Please…"

"Why does it have to be me?"

"Because you're stronger than I am."

"I'm not, Maura." Jane shook her head, her eyes rimmed red with tears now. "I'm not." Then she looked up at the sky for a moment, desperate to blink away her frustration.

It was here that Maura stood again upon the vast and stellary expanse of her true feelings. It mirrored up at her as if she were breaking the surface of still waters, readying herself for the plunge. Maura's chest grew heavy as if she were trying to breathe underwater.

Jane moved closer, "I'm not strong enough to tell you that I didn't marry Casey because I was already in love with someone else."

Maura blinked, "Jane…"

"I'm not strong enough to tell you that I cry all the way back to Dallas every Monday- and that all I do during the week is think about you and worry… sometimes so much that it feels like I can't even breathe." Jane quickly reached down and took one of Maura's hands, "I'm not strong enough to tell you about what's in here," She tapped over her own heart with her other hand, "…because I am so scared that the minute I do, I'll realize that I had just made it all up in my head and it will ruin everything."

Maura was trembling. "Jane..." She whispered again.

Jane shook her head "no" once her face screwed together with anguish, her last line of defense slowly fading. The blood that rushed behind Maura's ears was deafening, but she leaned up onto her toes to perch her forehead upon Jane's and tugged at the meteorite dangling from around her neck.

Maura closed her eyes and surrendered. "I love you…"

All of the sudden, Jane's throat broke open with a sob that bared her teeth and her cheeks streamed with tears at once.

"I do, I love you." Maura repeated. She felt Jane nod against her brow with affirmation, and then Maura closed the gap between them to kiss her.

Kissing Jane Rizzoli was like embracing the sun. The intense explosion of it rivaled that of pinwheel galaxies bursting into formation and of dwarf stars collapsing in on themselves. The macrocosm that was the infinite void of space, time, galaxies, solar systems, and planets… all of it at its furthest reaches and most inhospitable, even bare upon the contemptible and unforgiving frozen tundras of asteroid faces… here it was: Sparking new life between the sweet press of her lips.

Jane hummed with relief and slanted her mouth to take more of Maura in, hungry and yearning for her as if swimming in zero-gravity. Instantly, Maura felt as if the bedrock had fallen out from beneath her feet. She lunged with her hands to grip at the tops of Jane's shoulders, and then her shirt was suddenly above her head. Spots from behind her eyelids began to perforate her swirling, starry vision and then Maura gasped, breaking away from Jane's lips. Maura began to breathe so hard that she felt lightheaded as Jane kissed into the warm space of her neck.

"I've missed you so much, even when you're here—" She gasped again, cut off by the feel of Jane's deft fingers working at the button of her tight, bejeweled denim blue jeans. It was unlike anything she had ever imagined before— which she had more times than she could count, if she were being honest. Maura cupped Jane's face and kissed her again as she worked to step out of her jeans, nodding her head up and down with quiet, affirmative murmurs, "Mhm… mhmm…"

Jane was a superheated meteor hurtling fast towards her atmosphere, and it was all Maura could do to brace herself for the inevitable impact. She pawed clumsily at Jane's shirt as it came off and then fumbled her hands around the back of her neck with a short, surprised -yelp-. Jane had lifted Maura up from the rock and then took to her knees a few steps away upon the blanket. Sat straddling her lap, Maura reached around behind and unclasped her own bra, which Jane took by the straps smoothly down the length of her arms. Jane muttered beneath her breath once Maura's breasts were bare to the gentle wind, making the stiff and sensitive peaks of her nipples pierce into the palms that covered them. Maura moaned and dropped her head back, the fall of her hair waving in the warm breeze.

"You're so soft—"

Maura purred, gripping Jane hard and fast with a fist in her dark and wavy locks. "I want you so badly…"

In one fell swoop, Maura was on her back just as two slender fingers traveled down the wet space of her cunt and pushed inside. She cried out and dug her nails into the backs of Jane's arms, cutting half-moons there in a straight line. The stars swarmed together in her eyes as she looked up at them, and for the first time in Maura's life she felt more seen than anything she could dare describe.

"Maura—" Jane's voice dripped with bliss, "God…"

Jane drove inside of her again, bottoming out at her knuckles this time. The weight from behind it as she rolled her hips forward felt glorious in the way that they seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces, and Maura hiked her knees higher. She knew that her mouth was held agape up towards the blurry blue firmament, but she cared little with Jane's fingers rocking back and forth inside of her, throttling her closer and closer towards oblivion. She would orgasm soon if they weren't careful, but what was the point in waiting?

Maura had already waited for so long.

Desperate for it, Maura pushed with her hips to roll them over and righted herself on top of Jane, keeping the fingers buried inside of her perfectly in place.

"Fuck…" Jane muttered as she tried to sit up and kiss Maura again but was shoved back down almost immediately. Jane landed against the blanket with a small "oof" and resolved to grip Maura's hip as she rutted away on top of her.

Maura needed this. She pressed both of her hands against Jane's firmly cut abdomen, keeping her pinned down. Maura would ride her like Pegasus clear into the nocturnal canopy above them, higher and higher until the pressure from the tightly wound coil from between her legs grew too great…

…and eventually snapped.

Down she fell.

Thrust forward and back arched with a glorious curve, Maura bowed back and forth, moaning unreservedly against Jane's cheek as she came. Her hips juddered and jerked helplessly until her limbs went liquid, and finally she laid flat against Jane's chest with heaved breaths.

Everything had culminated in such a way that left her truly speechless. Maura rolled blithely to lay on her hip upon the blanket, one leg still adorning Jane's waist like a fine porcelain drape. She heard the sound of sniffles in between her labored breaths, and soon Maura realized that Jane had begun to cry. Before she could remark, Jane turned into the space of Maura's chest and began to sob. Her pitiful puling and weeping sought to unhinge her, and Maura held onto her tightly until she was finally done. Jane had cried and cried until she couldn't anymore, and Maura thought for sure they might both fall asleep naked there under the starry night's sky.

"Come home…" Jane said with a broken voice from somewhere near Maura's neck.

Maura squeezed her eyes shut, feeling that wretched ache deep in her chest again. The weight of her answer was soul crushing.

"I can't, Jane."