Sometimes, life comes at you like an explosion. Life also ties you down and injects you with illegal drugs to create the next evolution of humanity- wait, why is my shirt too tight?' Field Agent Femwin reporting for duty. WARNING: Read up to Ch10 of 'Field Agent' by Johnny Wycliffe first!

Coming out of anesthesia isn't fun.

Things come back in bits and pieces and I hardly recognize where I am at first. I don't even know how long I sat there looking at my hand in wonder before realizing that I'm actually in a really bad position here. I mean, the fact that I can look at my hand is good. Last I remember, it was tied up. Oh, and I'm sitting up.

Not quite sure when that happened. Things seem to be moving around when I'm not looking at them like ghosts are pushing things around and dropping rocks around.

My chest burns oddly, as do my stomach and pelvis. Hot, like there's a liquid fire in my body. It's supremely uncomfortable, but it's not debilitating, at least.

I climb off the bed, only to trip over something in my way. My foot hurts for a few seconds before heating up, then suddenly returning to what I guess normal feels like.

I guess the drug isn't out of my body yet. At least, not the healing one.

Though, if the healing drug is causing the heat, what's it doing to my body? Pretty much my entire torso feels uncomfortable in one way or another.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I know there's something wrong with me, but the majority of my functioning faculties are focused on not getting crushed, and not doing a very good job of it to boot. It's only once another chunk of debris crushes the bed that my addled brain realizes I really should get moving.

As carefully as I can with everything swimming and my muscles feeling like jello, I navigate the tiny corridors formed by the debris, trying to get around it and to the door to the room. The old concrete is continuing to crumble down and pile up. I scramble through before the doorway has the chance to collapse entirely.

It's only once I'm in the corridor, which seems to be a lot sturdier than the adjacent room structurally, that I realize something important. I don't need the crutches. I didn't even think to try to use them to escape the room, although they're probably buried under some concrete back in the room.

Checking my leg, I find it's healed nicely. No weird bumps or contusions, and the skin looks pristine.

A little… too pristine, actually. No leg hair.

What was it that Anisim had been talking about? Something about his ideal human form? It's all a haze, and I can't quite recall what the fuck he'd been talking about. He went on a massive rant before he started stabbing me with needles and I can't recall most of it. It hurts to think.

Blearily, I think back and remember that I can follow the red line back to the entrance of the building. I stumble in that direction, leaning on the wall for support.

The entrance is thankfully unblocked and I manage to make it to the entrance without falling over. I don't make it past the entrance before I can catch sight of the battle before me.

There's a pitched battle between Paradeus and Sangvis forces… I can't bring myself to care. Instead of watching them, I move back into the building, pressing myself into the cold metal wall to try to calm down the raging inferno inside of me.

Fuck.

I look down at myself again, my shirt sticking to my skin with sweat. It's a plain gray t-shirt, though with the sweat stains it's starting to look more like it's black.

Also, it looks like my pecs are growing. I'm certainly not in any kind of shape, so it's kinda noticeable.

Maybe Anisim's wonder drug increases muscle mass? That'd be nice.

The explosions and death outside end, and two people walk inside. I force myself to look up at the Sangvis dolls, sweat dripping down my face.

"Holy shit, you look like someone dunked you in water." Architect tilts her head. "Are you undergoing thermal runaway?"

"I don't think humans can enter thermal runaway." Beak frowns. "Maybe he ate some peppers?"

Architect looks to her companion. "Peppers?"

"Apparently, they cause humans to sweat."

"Huh." Architect turns back to me. "How many peppers did you eat?"

I stare back at them. "...I didn't eat any peppers."

Hmm? Is my voice a bit higher? I clear it a few times to try to loosen my throat.

"Huh. Well, we should probably go." Beak turns to the entrance of the building. "We should really get back before-"

"Before?" M16 and Gager enter the building, freezing the idiot duo in place.

M16 glances at me and recoils, but Gager's eyes just sweep past me.

"We've got a mission." Gager informs the two other dolls. "Are you both ready to go?"

"Well…" Architect's eyes avoid looking in Gager's direction. "I might be a little low on ammo."

"My motorcycle's a bit damaged." Beak admits.

"Well, you're not gonna need it." M16 crouches down in front of me. "What the hell happened to you, kid?"

I try to smile, but everything just hurts so much… "The… guy that owns this place injected me with something. I don't know what."

"...Okay." She looks back at the others. "I'm going to take him back to base. You three can handle a smash and grab, yeah?"

"Of course." Gager nods. "You two, come along."

"But-"

Gager's blade snaps to life, abruptly ending both Beak and Architect's arguments.

M16 gets me to my feet, and helps me over to the motorbike. "Looks like your leg is okay, at least."

"Yeah." I comment. "The serum Anisim pumped me with was…" I struggle to remember. "Healing and something else."

"Well, let's get you back to our base. I'll give you some of my precious Jack, and you can sleep it off." She grins. "Don't worry, I won't let them murder you in your sleep."

"Thanks."

She swings herself onto the battered bike, and I attempt to sit behind her on the bike.

I say attempt because I land flat on my back staring up at the sky through the leaves of the trees.

"Uh… you doin' okay?"

"...No." I manage to haul myself to my feet and place a hand on the bike. "I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to hold onto you."

"Yep."

I grab her shoulder and unsteadily move onto the bike, wrapping my arms around her.

"T-thanks." I mutter. "I'm sorry for-"

"Shhh." M16 starts up the bike. "It's okay. I'm not in the business of killing sick people for the sake of it."

I find I don't have the energy to speak, so I just nod against her back and try to hang on to the sturdy doll that's my only remaining lifeline.

Once back at Sangvis HQ, or… wherever this is, I drank way more Jack than I should for my relatively scrawny ass, fell down a few more times, and had M16 help me to bed. She elected not to sleep beside me since I was "Covered in disgusting human juices" and "I have things I need to do, but just shout if you need me."

So, I went back to sleep.

My dreams were fitful, full of laughing old men and angry flat-chested dolls yelling at me.

Why must I be tormented even in my sleep?

My eyes open eventually, seeing the sunlight once more peering through the unmaintained concrete.

The heat's still there. It's not as bad as before, now feeling like I had just worked out for a while. Still, it's focused on my chest and pelvis, which is a strange place to have strained no matter how I exercised.

I glance down at my shirt to see that it's still plastered to my chest which-

What the fuck?

I sit up straight, and a small hail of small hairs falls around me, though I focus on the first oddity.

My pecs are now about… well, I suppose I would say that they're clearly a bit larger than your average high schooler's. If I compare them to the resident muscle freak, I'd still lose… but he was jacked. It's enough to make my shirt uncomfortably tight, and I almost start removing it before remembering the hairs.

I look around and there are small hairs, all less than a centimeter long, scattered around. It looks like they were on my head given where they landed…

What are they?

I swipe my finger along the sheets, my sweat sticking the small hairs to my fingers and allowing me to examine them up close. Small, black… it's not insects or insect larva, thank god, but what the hell? I scratch my chin, only to realize what had happened.

My beard is gone.

I don't know how, but my beard hairs had all fallen out. I run my chin and a few more hairs fall away, confirming my guess. I'll need to wait until I see myself in a mirror, but it feels like I'm back to before I started to grow significant facial hair.

It's really smooth.

…Is there a bathroom around here? I don't expect it to be functioning, but my bladder and bowels are not having a good time so it'd be nice. Body's probably working overtime with all that crap in my system.

Probably need to talk to a doctor back at Griffin HQ too…

"Hey, M16?"

I don't get a response, so I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand up.

"M16?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on my… way." M16 arrives, her yellow eye widening in surprise as she spots me. "You look like death."

"Feel like it too. Is there a bathroom around here?"

"Yeah." M16 points back into the building. "Water's not working, but it's not like anyone else is gonna be in there. Just do your business."

"Thanks."

I walk in the indicated direction, stumbling as I walk. Every step feels wrong, like I'm about to trip, or like each step is just a hair too quick. I chalk it up to the crappy serum and continue until I see the bathroom signs.

I push in and find a few broken cubicles, a bar of sinks, and a slightly shattered mirror.

I push into one of the stalls and drop trou, evacuating my body of some really nasty stuff. Whatever those chemicals Anisim used were, they made everything smell awful.

Still, it's better than shitting myself. I clean myself up the best I can without running water and walk back out to the sink area, a force of habit driving me to try to wash my hands.

The water still isn't running, but I do see myself in the mirror. Or… well, it should be myself, right?

My jaw looks wrong, narrower than it should be. I pull on my lip and my teeth are still okay, and it's not like they hurt at all. My hair is noticeably longer on my head like I hadn't gotten it cut in a few months. My face is indeed devoid of hair.

"Man, what the fuck was that stupid drug?" I grumble.

In the bathroom, the echo of my voice seems higher than usual. Is that also an effect of the serum?

I stare at myself in the mirror, trying my damndest to think of what he had said.

Okay… there was two drugs he shoved into my body. One was that crazy healing serum, and the other…

Some sort of 'idealized human' drug? He said it would twist me into an ideal form, but not what that meant.

I rub my chin once more. Does an ideal human have no beard hair? I guess he's clean-shaven as well. Still, I'd think that I'd keep my squarish jaw.

My chest is certainly getting tighter and tighter, though I'm starting to wonder about the rest of my muscles. Hopefully, the serum isn't going out of control only there and the rest of me will catch up eventually.

Whatever.

I walk back to where M16 is staring at me, frown deep. "Are… are you okay?"

"I feel alright." I roll my shoulders, which strains the shirt uncomfortably. I'll need to change into looser clothes soon. "Are you really worried about your hostage?"

"Normally, I wouldn't, but since you've been hanging with my sisters…" She looks me up and down. "Say, is your shirt feeling a bit…"

"Yeah." I look down at myself. "Looks like whatever it was is increasing my muscle mass."

M16's eye flicks up to meet mine with her jaw hanging open for a few seconds. "M… Muscle?"

"My pecs are getting bigger." I flex my still scrawny arms into a classic muscle man pose. "Soon, I'm gonna be swole."

"...Yyyyeah, that's totally what's happening to you." M16 looks away. "Let me get you one of my shirts."

"Huh? Why?"

She gestures to her own chest. "At the rate those are growing your… uh, pecs aren't going to fit into your shirt for long. They'll fit into mine."

"...I see." I blush and look away. She's brazen with her boobs, isn't she? "Thanks."

She walks back into her room and rummages around in the mess for a clean shirt. Or, clean-er, as the case is. She draws it out of the pile of clothing in the corner of the room, presenting the rumpled shirt like a prize won at a casino.

"Here you go!" She presses it towards me.

I take it, setting it on the bed before starting to peel the currently worn shirt from my skin and pulling it off.

M16 has left the room before I manage to get it off.

Huh.

I kinda wanted to see what she thought of my new muscles, but…

I guess maybe she's shy?

No, that doesn't track.

Whatever.

I finish shrugging the shirt off and toss it aside.

Looking down at my chest, I can't help but frown. Muscles aren't supposed to be this shapeless, are they? I try to flex them, but they don't move much. I press my hand into one and I can feel it, so it's not like there's just no nerves inside of it-

"You done changing, Grif-chan?"

"...Not yet." I grab the other shirt and start buttoning it up. "And what's with the 'chan'?"

"Oh, well… It's a Japanese diminutive. You're my cute junior, so you get the name."

"Oh, ha ha."

"I thought it was quite funny myself."

I step back into the hallway and M16 gives me another once over. "It's… well, it's better. Lets go sit by the fire."

I follow her down the hallway to see that the rest of the Sangvis units are back, Beak and Architect looking up at my arrival.

The rest of the evening is relatively boring, just me making small talk and a rather embarrassing moment where Gager insisted that M16 and I pretend to be dating for a few minutes before M16 puts her foot down.

The real excitement starts when I try to get to sleep.

"Wake up, dummkopf."

Once more, I regret drinking that much Jack. My eyes can barely focus, but I can make out two glowing green orbs.

"...HK 416?"

"Ja, your rescue has arrived." 9 sits on the end of the bed. "Might wanna wake up, Schlafende Beute. Looks like this is gonna get hairy."

I sit up, once more feeling like I've been toasting inside my clothes. How long does this shit last?

My eyes unconsciously seek out 45's, not wanting to see the current bain of my existence. She's not in the room, and neither is G11. With my luck, it's not just these two here, so… "Where's the other two?"

"Currently negotiating our release." 9 shrugs. "It's safer than trying to shoot our way out."

"Should've left you behind." 416 grumbles. "M16 seems to be taking good care of you."

"Well, I was."

I glance around. That was M16's voice, but where-

I peer over the side of the bed to see the white-haired doll is bound up.

She grins up at me. "Heya. Nice nap?"

"...Yeah." I run my eyes, hands oddly bonier than I expected them to be. What, is the serum cannibalizing my arms now? "So-"

"Well." 45 strides in, taking in the scene. "Looks like we struck a deal. We walk out with Hadwin, They get M16 back."

"...Aren't we getting shafted in that trade?" 9 asks.

"It's what I could get." Her eyes flick to meet mine and I have to look away. "Anyway, let's get going before they change their minds."

Slowly, with weapons drawn, the members of 404 escort me out of the base, various members of Sangvis watching us go hawkishly. Architect, in particular, seems disgruntled, apparently still keen on keeping me as her personal explosion magnet.

It's only once we're out in the forest surrounding the base that I feel like we might actually be allowed to leave. I don't have my backpack or any of my stuff, but I'll be grateful to get out of here alive.

"Well, 404, it's been fun." M16 walks out of the front entrance. "We're gonna be hitting the road soon, and I wanted to give you all a small warning. Seems like my friends back there might have accidentally angered the local KCCO detachment. Might wanna be careful about traversing through the forest."

"Oh, ja. We'll be plenty careful." 45 smiles innocently at M16. "Make sure not to follow us too closely, hmm?"

M16's grin turns feral, and a shiver goes down my spine.

416 wraps her arm around my shoulder and guides me into the forest, her other hand on her pistol and eyes on the swivel.

"O-oh, I didn't get a chance to say, but there's mines out here." My eyes meet 9's, which are locked onto me for some reason. "We should probably be watching for them."

"Yes." 416's tone is sharp, but I can feel her hand guiding me around. "I can see them."

We walk for a while, 416 guiding me this way and that. I can't see in the dark, and without my NVGs I'm basically blind at night. No moon either.

"Man… I'm tired."

I glance to the side to see G11 is holding her rifle like a pillow… and she has my backpack and tac vest! I haven't lost my stuff!

I am just about to ask for it when I'm suddenly pushed into the ground. 416 is lying on top of me, drawing out her namesake rifle and aiming at… something.

It's too hard to see in the dark, so the only thing I can focus on is that there's currently a pretty girl lying on top of me.

Man, I really hope I can remain calm. I don't want to embarrass myself on top of everything else that's happened.

"What's going-"

UMP 9 drops beside me and claps a hand over my mouth. "Shhhhh." She whispers. "The KCCO are here."

I nod against her hand, and sit in abject terror as some… things start moving around us.

Big, heavy things that I can barely make out from the lights on them.

The only object I outright recognize are a few buggies like the one I had driven here on driving slowly over the uneven ground.

9 stands up, both her and her sister moving after the trailing vehicle in the convoy.

They both move up to the sides of the buggy, easily keeping pace with it, before reaching in and silently killing both of the men inside. A buggy secured, 416 hauls me to my feet and we all pile into the vehicle.

"Next stop, Griffin Temporary Base." 45 states, and I settle into the back seat of the vehicle, trying to ignore the still present heat and just let the time pass until I'm in friendlier arms.

"We're here." 45 calls, and I'm startled out of my stupor.

It's been daytime for a while now, but I hadn't moved from the backseat of the buggy for the few hours it took to get here. Glancing around, it looks like we've drawn quite a crowd.

Great, exactly what I wanted right now.

I scratch my chest, kinda having to really dig in to get at the itchy bits. I hope the muscles start to firm up soon, it's starting to get worrying. Well, more worrying. I have no idea what this dumb serum is doing anymore.

I climb out of the buggy only to find a flying SOPMOD attempting to tackle me.

"HADDY!" She cries. "I missed y-urk!"

RO snags her collar and stops her from slamming into me, keeping the adorable murder doggo off the ground as she turns to me. "Welcome back, Haaaaaa…" She trails off as she stares at me. "Um… what happened to you?"

"Looks like I was part of some science experiment." I scratch my head and grin, but none of the gathered dolls are smiling.

Sop in particular is frowning, her nose twitching. "Hey… he smells like M16."

"That's because she's the one that kidnapped him." 416 growls.

The four Anti-Rain dolls stiffen, and RO sets Sop down. "Hadwin… we need to get you to a doctor."

"Y-yeah, I know." I take a step back as RO marches up to me and grabs my wrist. "You don't have to force me, I'll go-"

"No! You're coming with me right now!" RO's face is scary, and I shut up and let her drag me.

As we move, I can see lots of people staring. Dolls, humans, I think I even see Ricardo, eye twitching like he'd just been pepper sprayed.

Before long though, we're at the doctor. He takes one look at me, turns to RO and says. "Miss, you really need to leave."

RO does as she's told, though for a minute there she seems like she's going to ignore that order.

The doctor sits down on the bed next to mine, clearly pensive. "So, there's several things I think I need to ask you. I was handed a file by Commander Gentiane, but… it's clearly a bit out of date." He chuckles nervously. "So, I'm going to ask you first, would you like me to get you a female doctor?"

"..." I stare back at him. "Nnnno? Why would I want a woman doctor?"

"W-well…" He scratches his head. "I've never had a transitioning patient before, and I just wanted to make sure you're comfortable."

…Transitioning? "What do you mean?"

"Your documents list you as a male, here. Male from birth, obviously, that's changed since then-"

I don't hear the rest of his words as my head spins. What the hell is he talking about?

Maybe I'm hallucinating due to the chemicals. Yeah, that's it.

I raise my hand to interrupt. "Uh, doc? I had a needle jammed into me full of crazy Paradeus concoctions. I don't know what he did, but it at least gave me bigger pecs." I poke myself.

The doctor stares right at me. "So, you don't know what's happening to your body?"

"Not… entirely." I admit.

"...I'm getting another doctor. I need a second opinion."

He gets up and leaves before I can respond, leaving me alone in this hospital ward.

I look down at myself, once more checking out my chest. It hasn't grown much more since I woke up, but it's still a bit warm. My lower body is still pretty hot though.

A thought crosses my mind, and I get up and head to the bathroom attached to the ward. There, I unbutton my shirt and open it up in front of a mirror.

I dunno what it was. Denial? Perspective? Sheer dumbassness?

Whatever it was, I must have been not paying attention. Pecs, when well developed, increase the mass between the shoulder and about down to the nipple, pointing it downwards. This is due to increased muscle mass, or something.

Go ask Lucas, he's the doctor.

What I have… it's like two sacks of flesh, with something thick inside, almost like fat. Their weight drags the internals down to pool at the bottom, pointing the nipples up slightly.

The nipples have also expanded.

I look back at the new me in the mirror, and my eye starts to twitch. Eyes attached to a narrow face, with hair growing incredibly fast, facial hair magically gone, and the most damning evidence, growing breasts.

Anisim had said something about turning me into an ideal human.

"He didn't say anything about gender, though." I groan. "...fuck my life."