AN: Hello! I'm alive! It was a super ridiculously busy spring and I just kind of had a hard time getting started writing again. I decided to write a silly one shot to wake the muse back up.
Janice jumped right in to beta, naturally. I did change quite a few things after she worked her magic, so there may be some errors.
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The buzzing of Sam's phone sounded loud in the near-stillness. He and Dean were hanging out in the bunker library, Sam reading a (mostly incorrect) treatise on aquatic cryptids written by one Walter Greenlee of Stanwick (Yorkshire, U.K., not New Jersey). His thought had been to translate it into more modern language for ease of use, but it had turned into just laughing at all the mistakes. He wondered why the Men of Letters had kept the book.
Dean had showed up with food at one point and demanded to know what Sam was laughing at. Hearing kelpie is merely another word for nuggle, a benign water spirit of the north that appears as a beautiful horse, Dean had laughed right along with him and sat down. (Given their experiences with kelpies, they knew they were very different from diminutive nuggles and were about as far from "benign" and "beautiful" as you could imagine.) They'd shared laughter over similar passages until Dean had nodded off in his chair. Enjoying the peace afforded by the safety of their home – Dean didn't feel the need to stay alert all the time – Sam had resumed his reading accompanied only by his brother's soft snores.
The buzzing of the phone changed that. Dean's feet fell from the chair they'd been propped up on and he sat up with a snort that Sam would absolutely be mocking him for later.
Seeing the name on the screen, Sam answered the phone on speaker. "Hey, Donna! Good to hear from you. You're on speaker and Dean's here too."
There was a bit of a pause, then Donna's voice piped up, sounding a bit rushed and not like herself at all. "Cheese," she said, or at least, that's what Sam thought it was. "It's such an underrated pleasure, you know, one you don't realize how much you enjoy it until you don't have it any longer."
"Cheese?" asked Dean, looking and sounding like he wasn't very awake.
"Are you alright, Donna?" Sam asked.
"Right as rain, right as rain," she chanted with a strange laugh that alarmed Sam more than the non sequiturs of the rest of the conversation so far. "I'm rich, ya know!" She laughed again.
"Where are you?" Sam asked calmly, while exchanging what the hell? looks with Dean.
Dean mimed drinking, silently asking if Sam thought she was drunk. She didn't sound drunk but her words made absolutely no sense so Sam shrugged.
"Donna?" Sam tried again. Across from him, Dean pretended to smoke a joint.
"I'm...I need..." she said in a more normal voice. Then abruptly she switched back to the strange-sounding, laughing voice from earlier. "My cutlass! Where might it be?!"
Dean mouthed either I'm calling Jody or a small lingo tee and left the room at a decent clip.
"I was on The Walrus, don'tcha ya know. Now I'd like noothin' better than ta' hop aboard the Hispaniola."
The Walrus and the Hispaniola were ships in...oh. The case they had heard about... Puzzle pieces clicked into place in Sam's mind. "Donna –"
"Apples in a barrel," she chuckled. "You never know what you'll hear!" The line went dead.
Sam tried three times to call her back, but it just rang and rang. As he stood up to find his brother, Dean walked back into the room.
"I know where Donna is," they said in accidental unison.
"Checking out that library in California?" Sam asked.
Dean nodded, apparently unsurprised that Sam had figured it out. "Yeah." He waggled his phone. "Jody said Donna overheard her talking about finding someone to make sure it wasn't actually a haunting and insisted that she would take care of it. Jody really didn't want her going alone, but I guess Donna was way excited, said she wanted to get some hunts under her belt." The corners of his mouth tipped down. "We should've gone."
The sheriff had been the one to hear about the potential hunt – which honestly sounded like it was made up to increase tourism – but was laid up, injured. When she'd told the Winchesters about it, they'd hemmed and hawed at traveling so far on a case that was so thin and had no actual deaths. Jody had promised to find someone to check it out. Sam knew Dean was feeling guilty as he was feeling pretty bad himself. They hadn't even had a good reason not to go.
"We're going now," Sam answered.
Though it hadn't been a question, Dean nodded. "If we don't, Jody's gonna."
Sam winced, picturing their friend trying to chase down a monster while on crutches. "Yeah. Uh...why don't you keep trying to call Donna back and I'll find us a flight out there."
They caught a flight that same day, and Dean gratefully took the Xanax they kept on hand so he could sleep through the majority of their time in the air. "You gotta wake me up if something bad happens, though," he insisted. "If I'm gonna die, I'm not sleeping through it."
It went as well as could be expected and Sam promised himself never to tell Dean how the flight attendants cooed over him drooling on Sam's shoulder and praised Sam for being "such a good boyfriend."
Dean didn't really wake up fully until they picked up their rental car. "What kind of crap pile is this?" he grumbled but still tried to convince Sam he should drive.
"I know you don't want to drive a minivan," Sam deflected, not sure Dean was really awake enough to handle California traffic without causing mayhem. He'd chosen the nondescript vehicle for the fact that it was so common and because it had plenty of room and dark back windows. They had no idea what they'd find or how much discretion they'd have to exercise.
"Fine," Dean groused. "You look more like a soccer mom anyway." He was mostly quiet as for the first part of the drive other than a few insults about other drivers and a comment about how his baby deserved better than 'this stop-and-go crap' so he was glad she was back at the bunker.
After a coffee that cost more than a 'Lois' 3-egg breakfast special' in Lebanon, Kansas, Dean began to perk up a little more. "How did you know Donna was looking into this?" he asked.
Sam glanced over for a second. "The haunted library is right next to the Robert Louis Stevenson Museum and Donna was talking like she was in his book Treasure Island."
Dean squinted one eye shut in thought. "Is that the story where scuba diving rats find the treasure at the end?"
Sam sputtered a laugh. "Well, that was the Muppets' version."
Dean took a drink of his coffee. "Oh, yeah. Tim Curry had a fling with Miss Piggy."
Sam shook his head fondly. "Yeah, well, Donna seemed to think she was a character from the book."
Dean was quiet as he finished off his coffee, though he frowned when at least four cars cut Sam off as he took the exit toward Saint Helena. "Is that the same story where people raced on an ostrich and a zebra and a pirate got eaten by a tiger?"
"Uh…" That one took Sam a minute. "Oh, no. That's Swiss Family Robinson, based on a book by Daniel Defoe."
Dean muttered something along the lines of nerd, then asked, "So you think it really is the ghost of this Stevenson? Pissed off when they started messing with the old library?" The building was in the middle of a massive renovation and they assumed that was what had disturbed whatever seemed to be haunting the spot now.
"No, I doubt it," Sam answered, having pondered the question on the flight. "His only connection to the area was that he honeymooned nearby. He was born in Scotland and died of natural causes on a Samoan island."
"You have an idea though, right?"
"Maybe. In my satchel there's some information on some guy who actually died in the library. I didn't get a chance to look it over yet." Sam nodded toward the bag on the seat behind him.
"I'm allowed to look in the man purse?" Dean asked predictably. He never stopped teasing Sam about the bag, refusing to call it anything except a man purse. "Aren't you afraid I'll see your Midol?"
Sam ignored the quip but took an unnecessarily sharp turn when Dean was twisted to reach in the back, making him smack into the door with his shoulder. They bickered a bit, then Dean took a look at the papers Sam had referenced, reading some of the details out loud.
"Jasper Murray, author and college professor...age 77...heart attack where he spent most of his time, at the library – what a loser – survived by wife of over 50 years. If the missus is still kicking, maybe we should chat with her before we check out the library? We won't get very far with all the construction workers around." Dean set down the papers and pulled out his phone. "And Imma try to call Donna."
Sam had tried at the airport and gotten voicemail, which is the same result Dean got. "Yeah, let's get settled somewhere, pick up our stuff –" A local hunters' specialty store had set aside some weapons for them to cover for the ones they couldn't smuggle onto the plane. "– and I'll call the local cops to see if they have any sign of Donna."
The motel they found was kind of a dump, but it had the benefit of the truly terrible name of Handy Estates. The comic relief was welcome, as was its location less than a block from the library where all the supposed haunted had occurred. "Well, that is handy," Dean commented. "Think they offer happy endings?"
(Supposed haunting, because nothing had been reported except innocuous and ambiguous claims of strange noises and items moving by themselves and one guy claiming to have passed out and woke up in an entirely different room.) Local PD didn't have anything of interest until the guy on the phone told Sam that library construction had been temporarily halted.
"Those construction guys believe all the hype about a haunting, I guess," he said derisively. "They want us to clear the building before they go back, but we have better things to do."
It was good news for the Winchesters, who would find a search much easier knowing that the construction workers were off-site and the cops were uninterested. Still, they decided to visit the widow before looking through the library since it was still better to do that after dark. They were tired but neither was willing to put off looking until the next day, having no idea what was happening with their friend.
After changing into their (slightly rumpled) suits and eating a quick meal of McDonald's, they knocked at the door of a small condo where Greta, the widow of Jasper Murray, still lived. She was bent and wrinkled but readily invited in the "reporters" who were interested in her late husband's life story.
She spoke with fondness of her bookish husband. They'd never had children, and it seemed he'd devoted his life to studying and teaching literature. "His true obsession was Robert Louis Stevenson, of course," she said right when Sam was about to elbow his nearly-sleeping brother.
"He – what?" Dean asked baldly.
"I thought it fitting that he was working on his final book when he passed, right there at his favorite table." She smiled sadly in memory. "The table is the only piece of furniture they're keeping in the library, though it's just going to be used for book displays. Isn't that a kind gesture? Jasper wasn't really famous or anything, but everyone at the library knew him." She dabbed at her eyes and Dean tilted his head toward a picture on a small bookshelf. It showed a white-haired man smiling up from a table covered with books.
"Is that his table?" Dean asked when the widow had regained her composure.
"It certainly is," she answered proudly. "You should put a copy of it in your article. Jasper would have been so pleased to know someone wrote about him!"
Sam felt a stab of guilt that there wouldn't be any such article. "Yeah, that's a good idea," he answered. "Um...did Mr. Murray have a favorite book or story of Stevenson's?"
The woman couldn't narrow it down for them, nor had she experienced any of the signs of a haunting that they could work into the conversation. They left with a promise to come back if they had more questions.
Sam was getting itchy to investigate the library and could tell Dean was too. Every minute they didn't know what was up with Donna was hard. He fielded a quick call from Jody (their third in as many hours) and they decided to check out the new building.
They geared up and Sam knew Dean was feeling the lack of their normal weapons which were like old friends by now. Sam felt the same thing, but he was hopeful that they were adequately prepared. They'd had to spend way too much money on the new guns and knives, but at least they could ship them back to Kansas.
They walked from the motel and easily slipped inside though the building was nearly complete. Sam had read about the rebuilding. They'd gutted the existing building but kept the main structure and added a second floor on top. They had the main floor a long ways toward finished before the first problems were reported.
"Cold spots, shit moved, lights turning on and off, and weird laughter that sounded like a little kid," Dean recited, not really reminding them as getting into hunt mode. "No disappearances until – " He stopped before saying Donna's name. Sam got it. They didn't have a lot of confidants, and fewer still for whom there was real affection, but Donna had made it into that exclusive group very quickly.
Breaking in was laughably easy and hardly any cars went by while Sam was picking the lock. Maybe that's why Dean started hollering for Donna as soon as the door clicked shut behind them. "I see we're taking the stealth approach," Sam muttered, irritated that he'd jumped at Dean's sudden shout.
"Avast!" cried a familiar voice in response and Dean gave Sam a triumphant (if slightly confused) look.
"Donna?" he called again as both brothers made their way into the center of the large room.
"Hang the treasure! It's the glory of the sea that has turned my head!" cried Donna back. Sam still couldn't see her though he and Dean were making a circuit of the room with their flashlight beams. "Dead men don't bite, so I'll have to run ya' through!"
Sam and Dean simultaneously turned their flashlights upward, where it was now clear the voice was coming from.
There was a balcony three quarters of the way around the extra-tall first floor full of nooks for reading, one of the charms of the existing building design that locals had been unwilling to alter. Sam only had a chance to catch a glimpse of Donna and note that she was holding something long in one hand before she whooped like a cheerleader, grabbed a rope attached to a pulley the appeared to be set up to bring bricks up to the balcony, and swung toward them like Errol Flynn's stunt double.
Sam and Dean both moved to intercept her and luckily (for Sam, anyway), Dean was closer. Dean and Donna smashed into a row of cabinets covered by a heavy drop cloth, Dean taking the brunt of it with his back. The cabinets, apparently empty, dominoed over and Dean went with them while Donna rolled free. Since Dean was swearing like a fishwife (and therefore probably fine), Sam headed for Donna.
He nearly got himself skewered for his trouble as Donna turned his way with a – breaker bar? – held rapier-style. Sam had to half throw himself sideways to dodge the attempted stabbing, but Donna followed with surprising agility, forcing him to stay back on his heels, trying to figure out a way to disarm her without hurting either of them.
His foot slipped in the heavy layer of drywall dust and only managed to deflect Donna's next blow by grabbing some kind of tile off a nearby pile and holding it in front of himself. It was smashed to pieces, giving its life to protect Sam's guts.
But Sam couldn't quite keep his balance. He fell onto his back and rolled away, jumping back to his feet.
Donna laughed and tossed the breaker bar so it flipped before she caught it again. "Yer a slippery one, Jim! I should make you walk the plank!"
Just then, Dean grabbed Donna from behind and pinned her arms to her sides. Sam took immediate advantage and disarmed her.
"How dare you?!" she howled. "Do you know who I be?" She was kicking and squirming ineffectually.
"Yeah, Jasper Murray," Dean answered, grunting as she tried to smash her head into his face.
Donna froze at the name. "No, I'm not," she said petulantly. "I'm Cap'n Flint!"
"No, you're Jasper," Sam insisted gently, dropping the breaker bar to the floor. "You died, Jasper, and didn't move on, probably because the library is the place you felt most comfortable. I understand." He didn't have to see Dean's eyeroll to know it was happening. (Dean had never really understood Sam's need to sympathize with the spirits they were just going to gank anyway.) "But when they started up with construction, it probably disturbed you.
"And I'm sure it's fun to pretend you're Captain Flint or a lamplighter or...or Squire Trelawney." Sam spared a moment to be grateful that the ghost hadn't tried to reenact Kidnapped. "But you are using somebody else's body to do it."
"Yeah; look at your boo – er, look at yourself, dude," Dean added. Though Donna/Jasper/the pirate wasn't fighting anymore, he didn't let go.
Donna looked down with obvious reluctance. "I...I…that's ludicrous!"
"I'm sure it's weird and all to figure out you're dead," Dean said. "But if you don't move on, we'll burn your favorite table and your bones and the whole damn library until we figure out what you're attached to. You are not hitching a ride in our friend anymore."
Sam glared at Dean then turned a kinder gaze to Donna. "You need to move on. I know you'd never want books destroyed. And if you keep haunting the library, how can you be with Greta again?"
Donna deflated completely. "Greta," she said sadly. "What do I do? I am...I am sorry about your friend. Tell her that, please."
"We will," Sam answered. "I think you just need to try to let go. And I know it wasn't Stevenson who wrote it, but I'm sure you've heard 'to die would be an awfully big adventure.'"
Donna gave an impish smile that made her look more like herself than she had so far. "He might not have been Stevenson, but at least he was a Scotsman. Well, then, since you should 'never say goodbye' I will give you my thanks instead, for helping me remember who I am." Her voice conveyed an old-fashioned formality to the words.
Sam held his breath, but it was surprisingly anticlimactic. There was the familiar sparkle in the air, then Donna trembled sharply.
"Donna?" Sam asked.
"What the cuss? Sam? Dean?" she asked. Dean carefully released her, and she reached up and pulled off the bandanna she'd been wearing. "Was I roofied or something?"
"Kinda," Dean answered with a wince as he stretched his back. "Ghost roofie. You were possessed by a guy so nerdy he haunted his favorite library table...which sounds like something Sam would do."
From high above came an indignant, disembodied voice. "I haunted my favorite book! Not the table!" With that, the last of the purple sparkles disappeared through the ceiling.
"Holy cannoli!" Donna's eyes went big. "Geez Louise, I didn't know ghosts could do that. How'd you get rid of it?"
"I aimed another nerd at him," Dean smirked but Sam ignored him. "Let's get outta here. You hurt?"
They walked out together and Sam relocked the door.
"Nope; but you look kinda sore there," Donna answered. She wasn't wrong. Dean was walking stiffly and Sam wondered just how bruised up he was. "I've got some Tiger Balm in my motel room if you want any." She was remarkably calm for a hunting newbie who had just learned they'd been possessed by a spirit.
"I don't need any old people cream!" Dean argued sounding affronted as Sam snickered.
"Oh, I don't know, Dean. You aren't as young as you used to be," he said, risking life and limb.
Sore or not, Dean chased him all the way back to the motel.
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AN: There are like a zillion references to Treasure Island in this story. The marooned and probably insane Ben Gunn talks about cheese a lot, which is why Donna/Jasper talks about it. The Walrus was the name of the pirate ship of Captain Flint, who hid the eponymous treasure. The Hispanola is the ship taken by the main characters in search of that same treasure. The boy Jim Hawkins, the narrator of the book, hid in an apple barrel and heard the crew discussing mutiny.
There really is a Robert Louis Stevenson museum right next to a library in St. Helena, CA, though I haven't been to either. He really did honeymoon in the area too.
The Muppets made a movie with their interpretation of TI and it did have scuba-diving rats. And Tim Curry's Long John Silver was an ex of Miss Piggy's Benjamina Gunn.
"Hang the treasure! Tis the glory of the sea that has turned my head," is a direct quote from TI, said by Squire Trelawney. "Dead men don't bite" is also a quote, said by Billy Bones.
I meant to work in The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde but it didn't happen.
Sam briefly references Stevenson's short story The Lamplighter.
Errol Flynn was an action star in the 1930's, 40's, and 50's known for playing characters like Robin Hood.
Long before Dumbledore said something similar, Peter Pan had the quote about death being an adventure. His story was written by J. M. Barrie. Peter also said, "Never say good-bye."