I closed my eyes and tipped my head up slightly. The wind was powerful up here, and even though it was cold, it was refreshing.

"I've never been up here before. Never even been to the bottom of it," I mused to Dimitri. I felt his chest against my back, his arms wrapping around my waist as he kissed my cold cheek.

"You've lived here for your whole life and have never been to the Space Needle?"

I shook my head. "No. Never. It didn't appeal to either of my parents. When my high school came here for a trip, I had the flu," I explained, opening my eyes. The sky was as grey as I felt, but the coldness was like a poke in the shoulder.

"I think we might get some snow soon," I whispered.

"It smells like it," Dimitri said, his warm breath tickling my ear. I smirked and looked at him.

"Okay, Russian dog. Can you smell the snow?"

Dimitri just smirked at me and kissed my ear before nuzzling my neck. I hummed quietly and leaned into him, enjoying the feeling of his embrace. For a few minutes, I didn't feel the guilt and ache in my chest.

"When the time comes, do you want to try for children?" Dimitri asked softly, pressing his lips to the soft spot just below my ear.

I took a slow breath and nodded.

"I don't think right now, but I do. I just want to spend a bit more time married to you, and travel a little more," I said, "Is that okay?"

Dimitri laughed and rested his forehead against mine.

"Roza, we go at your pace. It's your body that will change and grow a child. I just needed to know if this was something in the cards for us. That way I know if I need to take extra precautions," he explained. I nodded and sighed.

"We probably should have had this conversation before we got married," I pointed out.

Dimitir tsked. "I guess we're having it now. After what happened, it needed to be said."

I nodded and looked back out over the skyline. "I've never been on a ferry either," I pointed out as I watched the ferry cross the bay. I could almost feel Dimitri roll his eyes before pulling us away from the railing.

"Then I guess we have another adventure today," he said, tickling my side teasingly.

I kept trying to tell myself that meeting Dimitri's mother and Babushka would go perfectly, but it was delusional.

I was stupid enough to wear white too. All it took was for someone to rush through the airport and knock my hot chocolate onto me to ruin the cashmere dress Dimitri had bought me.

"Sweetheart; I don't think it's going to come out," Olena soothed as she lingered in the doorway of the laundry room. Any other time I might have been mortified that my mother-in-law saw me standing in nothing but my bra and underwear, but I was more concerned about getting the stain out.

"It'll come out," I said as I filled the laundry sink with cold water and a little bit of detergent.

"But the stain has set," Olena pointed out. I blew a breath from between my lips and pursed my lips.

"Well, if I can't get it out, it's a lost cause. But I have to at least try," I mused before submerging the dress in the water, swirling it around before grabbing my robe and putting it on.

"How do you like married life?" Olena asked with a smile, gently untucking my hair from the collar of my robe.

"I love it so far," I said with a smile, "I have a really great husband, who was raised by a very good woman."

Olena smiled and cupped my cheek for a moment before we left the room, her going into the living room and me into my bedroom. I got dressed and frowned at the burn mark on my chest. It was a piping hot cup of chocolate when it dumped on me.

Once I was dressed, I went out to the living room, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed, just watching the three of them converse.

"We really should be speaking in English; it's rude that Rose doesn't understand what we're saying," Olena said after a moment. Dimitri's babushka, Yeva, grunted but continued to speak in Russian. Dimitri had warned me that Yeva was stubborn, and would frequently refuse to speak English in front of people. I didn't mind though. I liked the way it sounded. There was something about the roughness of the words that appealed to me.

That and I understood a few words every now and again. Dimitri talked in his sleep sometimes.

"It's alright, really. I like the way it sounds," I mused, glancing out the window. The snow had started to fall earlier in the day. I was surprised that it was sticking to the ground, but it looked pretty. Meeko had been pacing the balcony door, wanting to go outside so he could lay in the snow.

"What all do you have planned for the week?" I asked as I let Meeko outside, sitting down in the chair closest to the door. I knew that Meeko was going to either lay out there for hours, or want back in in ten minutes.

"Not much. I'm hoping to do a little Christmas shopping, maybe go out for the day with you?" Olena said, looking at me leadingly.

I smiled at her. "I'll have to check what's on the calendar for the week and see what day I can take off," I said. Olena furrowed her brows and looked at Dimitri, but he just held his hands up.

"We can't both be out of the office right now. We're getting ready to launch another book. I was able to get the week, but Rose will need to be there at least twice," he explained, "And then it doesn't look like favouritism."

"And I had to take some unexpected time off last week," I explained, biting my lip as I glanced at Dimitri. He gave me a sympathetic smile and I cleared my throat, getting more comfortable in my chair.

"I do hope that you would help me pick out a baby shower gift for my best friend. I know next to nothing about babies," I continued on, tucking my hair behind my ear. Olena's face lit up like I had told her that I was the one having the baby.

"Oh, I would love to," she enthused. I smiled and looked towards Yeva, "You too, babushka?"

Yeva simply grunted, not looking up from the knitting needles between her hands. She hadn't put them down since they got here.

I crept quietly from the bedroom the next morning, hoping that I wouldn't wake Dimitri. He was exhausted from staying up late with his mother, and he didn't have to go into the office, so he got the opportunity to sleep in.

As I tiptoed to the kitchen, I could smell the coffee already brewed. I turned the corner and smiled softly.

"I'm surprised you're awake," I said gently as I moved further into the kitchen.

"Jet lag," Olena said with a shrug, sipping her coffee, "I hope you don't mind. I packed you a lunch. You went to bed early last night."

I smiled and went to get myself a cup of coffee.

"That's really sweet of you," I said as fixed my mug. Olena smiled with a shrug, taking another sip of her coffee.

"You look like you need a nice hearty lunch. Not don't I don't think my son is feeding you. But after seeing your appetite last night, I thought you might like some of our family's soup," Olena explained and I smiled before shifting on my feet.

"I've been told my appetite is entertaining," I said.

"I find it healthy," she said, "My girls barely eat. It's nice to see you enjoy your meal."

I smiled and ran my hands through my hair, knowing that I was musing the curls but figured it wouldn't cause too much harm. Olena watched me with a smile and I raised my brows.

"What?"

She shook her head in good nature. "Just admiring my new daughter. My son has himself a beautiful and smart wife. And one that isn't afraid to be herself. That's the most a mother could wish for," she said as she took another drink of my coffee.

I smiled at her, but I felt a small pang of jealousy. I wish I had that kind of relationship with my mother. One where we could stand in the kitchen and drink coffee and chat. We didn't have that, and a part of me wished we did.

I glanced at my watch and groaned, noticing the time. I had woken up late this morning, and I thought I had more time to chat. I heard the sound of paws on the floor and I set my mug down in time to have a snout push against the back of my knee.

"Your boy is a bed hog," Olena teased and I balked.

"Oh no. He climbed into bed with you?"

"It's alright. I didn't mind. He's a hog, but a good cuddler. His fur is surprisingly soft for a Huskey," Olena said with a smile. I grinned and crouched down, rubbing Meeko's face before kissing between his eyes.

"You be good today. No sprinkling in the house, and no socks," I cooed. He made a noise that I always thought sounded like a mix of a pig snort and a howl, but I knew it was just his noise for communicating. I kissed his snout as I stood up and went around the island to give Olena a hug goodbye. She smiled and gave me a tight hug before Meeko fought for her attention, trying to wiggle between our legs. I snorted a laugh and quietly crept back to our bedroom, easing the door. Dimitri was still asleep. I tiptoed to the bed and tucked my hair behind my ears as I leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

Despite the cup I had at home, I was still in dire need of coffee. I was slightly irritated when I came in and the coffee machine in our office was broken, so I found myself making myself a tea. I wasn't desperate enough to drink the coffee in the lunchroom.

I had just poured the water into my mug as Kirova walked into the kitchen and spotted me, tapping her finger against the handle of her mug.

"Good morning," she greeted as she breezed towards the coffee pot.

"Morning," I mumbled into my mug.

The remaining people in the kitchen cleared out. I started to leave but Kirova cleared her throat, indicating that she wanted me to stay. I waited until everyone was gone before I spoke.

"Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," she said quietly.

"Oh," I said and cleared my throat, "I'm okay. I saw the doctor and he reassured me it wasn't my fault."

Kirova nodded and looked at me as she filled her mug.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that," she said quietly, "My door is open if you need it."

I nodded and watched her leave, shaking my head to myself. I never expected her to be nice to me. But I guess in a way, I was her, just younger. We both had been in marriages with our bosses, and she understood my loss in a sense.

I left the kitchen and stopped short of spilling my coffee all over Sydney.

"Jesus. I swear, I'm going to put a bell on you."

"What's wrong?" Sydney asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Kirova asking if you were okay? Is it some kind of complication from the pneumonia?" Sydney asked, her blonde brows raising.

"No…it's not that," I said quietly. I sighed and gripped her wrist, gently pulling her into my office. I shut the door behind me and set my coffee on my desk.

"I was pregnant…and then I wasn't. Kirova knows because I went into her office and just cried for a bit," I explained quietly. Sydney frowned and reached for my hand, squeezing it firmly.

"You never said…"

"I didn't know that I was pregnant for long. A week. I wasn't sure about it until the morning of the interview with A. Vash. I took a test on my way into work," I explained, "I never even had a chance to tell Dimitri before I miscarried."

Sydney nodded and tsked quietly.

"Well, I'm glad that Kirova was understanding," she said.

I nodded. "Yeah. I was shocked too. But, I'm coping," I said softly. Sydney nodded and whispered that she should get to her desk, but said she wanted to have lunch outside later. I nodded and went back to my office, settling in for the day.

I was starting to love my mother-in-law. She was a refreshing breath of air. I had come home twice this week to supper on the table, and she had even managed to get the stain out of my dress. I had told her that she didn't need to cook us dinner, but she insisted on it. She said it made her feel good and that she was enjoying cooking in a large kitchen. But I wasn't going to reject the delicious dinner.

I was able to get off work early today so we went and did a little bit of shopping. We did a bit of regular shopping after Dimitri forced his mother to take his credit card, and that I wasn't to use mine. But near the end of our outing, I had to do the one thing I had been putting off doing. Shopping for Lissa's baby shower. It was this weekend, and I hadn't bought anything.

We had found a lot of things that Lissa had on her registry, and it was nice to have someone with me who knew more about babies. Olena pointed out things that may not be the best for the baby, and which products were better quality over the hyped products.

When we got to the clothes section, I felt a little bit of a pang in my chest. I had planned on telling Dimitri I was pregnant by gifting him a onesie, but as I looked at the one in my hand, I wasn't sure how to feel.

Olena had picked a few different things, stating that getting them in larger sizes so that Lissa would be able to keep it longer. Babies grew too quickly in the first few months to buy them a lot of clothes.

"I don't want to be that mother, but have you thought about if you may want any children? I just ask because Dimitri's sisters had the idea that you got married so quickly because you were already pregnant," Olena asked. Her tone was casual and not interrogative. It was different than how my mother asked. She almost demanded to know.

I pressed my lips together to try and stop the quiver, but Olena saw it.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Olena started but I shook my head.

"No, it's not you. Um, I miscarried two weeks ago. It was some kind of thing where the egg never took? And my body was telling me I was pregnant, but the baby wasn't growing?"

"Blighted ovum?"

I nodded and wiped the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I was surprised that she knew exactly what it was called, but I didn't dwell on it.

"I'm sorry, dear. That's hard. And now your surrounded by baby things," she whispered, "You didn't want to do this alone?"

I shook my head. "I haven't told anyone really. I thought Dimitri would have told you. Our office manager knows and a coworker, but that's about it. I haven't even told Lissa."

Olena tsked and brushed her thumb against my cheek. I smiled tightly at her and she pulled me towards her, tucking me into her arms as she stroked the back of my head. I didn't know what else to say, and I didn't think she did either, so she just held me tight in the aisle at the baby store.

"Are you still having any symptoms?"

I shook my head. "I did for a few days after, but not much."

She nodded and pulled back, squeezing my shoulders tightly for a moment. She looked at the things in our cart before looking back at me.

"IS there anything else you want to get her that we didn't grab? I can always come back and grab it for you."

I nodded and wiped my cheeks. "I'd appreciate that."

Olena smiled and started pushing the car towards the checkout.

I tapped my wine glass nervously as I mingled with everyone at the party. I was surprised that alcohol was at the baby shower, but I guess Christian's sister was going all out for the party. I had surprisingly never met his sister, and I had no idea what she looked like. But I could admit that she knew how to throw a party.

And a part of me was grateful for the alcohol. I needed it. I felt on edge and on the verge of tears the whole time. Sydney kept giving me encouraging looks, and when I saw an old high school friend, Mia Rinaldi, I was able to force a real smile.

"Oh no," Syndey whispered as the three of us conversed. I turned and followed her line of sight before groaning.

"What is it?" Mia asked in a hushed voice.

"Natasha is here," Syndey said, "She caused a problem at work. Almost blew up a contract deal. I don't understand why she's here though."

"That's Christian's sister," Mia said and I choked on my mimosa, covering my nose and mouth with my hand to prevent spraying either of them as it came out of my nose. I shivered at the uncomfortable sensation of the acidic liquid dripped from my nose. Mia grimaced but handed me the napkin she had in her hand.

"Get out! That's his sister?!" Sydney exclaimed.

Mia nodded. "She's a type A bitch too."

"Yeah, I know. She showed up at my house with a bottle of champagne to celebrate with my husband."

Mia gaped at me. "Um. Excuse me?!"

"I know," I said dryly and Mia gripped my wrist.

"Um. No. I mean the husband part! The fuck!"

I narrowed my brows at her. "I told you about it!" I exclaimed, "Remember, we went out and had a drink a few days before? You had those Jell-o shots made with rum? Puked in your purse while pissing your pants in the Uber?"

Mia looked at me before it dawned on her.

"Oh! Yeah I don't remember that night at all. It's a blimp," she said sheepishly, letting go of my wrist. Sydney shook her head and giggled.

"Good job."

Mia rolled her eyes but made a face.

"At least Christian is decent-looking. If that baby had her genes, the baby would have a fucked up face too."

I sputtered on my drink again. It was cruel to laugh at such a horrible joke. I wasn't sure where the large scar on Tasha's cheek came from, and I didn't think it was a birth defect.

"Mia!"

Mia shrugged and excused herself when Lissa entered the room. I looked at Sydney again and she made the motion of taking a deep breath. I followed and closed my eyes for a minute. She linked her arm through mine and we walked towards Lissa. As we passed the table of gifts, Sydney asked me which one was mine.

"The ones wrapped in purple," I said after a moment. Sydney's jaw dropped.

"That is so much! There's eight boxes!"

I scrunched up my face. "I think I was guilt shopping."

"What do you mean?"

I pulled her to a stop. "For feeling jealous that Lissa is having a healthy baby. And that I couldn't talk to her about this because I didn't want to upset her, so then I was angry at her. And then I felt guilty for being mad at her over something she doesn't know happened."

"You still haven't told her?" Sydney whispered.

I shook my head. "No. So if I cry, it's because I am overwhelmed with joy of my upcoming godchild," I said draining the last of my drink and setting the empty glass on the closest table. I took another breath and smiled at Lissa as she came closer, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"Hi!" I said.

Her grip on me was bone tight.

"I'm going to fucking strangle my sister-in-law before the end of this party," Lissa bit out in a whisper. I couldn't help the laugh and squeezed her shoulders.

"Yeah. I can understand that," I whispered. She sighed and looked at me with a tired smile. She looked like she was going to explode. And not just because she was frustrated. Her belly was getting so large that she was more belly than a person these days.

"Just think of all the things Christian will have to carry into the house later," I said with a laugh, directing her to a chair and getting her a glass of orange juice.

Hope you guys are having a good weekend! Pray for me that we get out of this atrocious heatwave. I can't sleep because it gets so hot!