Who Are You, Really? by Mikky Ekko
So you feel entitled to a sense of control,
And make decisions that you think are your own,
You are a stranger here, why have you come?
BOOK TWO: Awake, Tethered, and Utterly Catastrophic
CHAPTER 54: New Proposals
February 27th, 1980
Knelt in front of the last display case needing a wipe down, Regulus flexed his tired wrists in the dark. Borgin had left him and Longbottom to close up the shop and they'd turned out the lights some time ago. Dimly lit as Knockturn Alley was, it still provided enough light through the swath of glass in the front of the shop to see.
It'd become their preference to finish the night off in the dark, as it kept the occasional late night swindler for stopping in. It also kept Borgin from watching them; they'd recently discovered that the shopkeeper fancied keeping an eye on them through the masks on the wall.
"What do you think the Merlin artefact is?" Using one of the famously unwashed washcloths to clean the glass, Regulus peered in on the oversized black chess bishop.
"Dunno," Longbottom called from across the store. "Excalibur?"
"How would Borgin, of all people, have gotten ahold of that sword?" Unenthusiastically finishing his task, he got to his feet, knees groaning in protest.
"He doesn't have hold of anything," Longbottom reminded him. "The acquisition is almost complete."
"Still, how would he even hear about such a thing?" Regulus walked between the dark display cases to the counter, where he dumped the filthy rag. "Much less acquire it?"
"The man's as greasy as they come," Longbottom leaned his forearms on the counter. Almost instantly, he reversed the action and wiped his forearms on his apron with a look of disgust. "But startlingly well connected."
"Sure, but Excalibur's a bit far-fetched, don't you think? Sounds like a load of bollocks to me."
"It probably is. But many of Merlin's possessions were never recovered - the more notable ones were in his portrait at Hogwarts, if you recall. There was a staff and a book of enchantments… For all we know, Borgin could be referring to Merlin's pisspot."
Regulus snickered. "The relic is supposed to have magical properties, isn't it?"
"Maybe Merlin's pisspot is self-cleaning," Longbottom smiled wryly.
He laughed heartily. "Probably the only thing that Borgin could get his hands on… Really, though, he plans to resell the artefact to the highest bidder, yeah? You'd think he'd tell us what it is so we could help strategise. The man is ridiculous - this job is ridiculous."
"Then why work it?" Longbottom shook a hand through his brown hair and shifted to lean against the wall.
Because some mystical version of my wife said it's beneficial, Regulus nearly laughed at the absurdity of the truth. Thus far, he'd seen no benefit to the occupation whatsoever. He just hoped it wouldn't take years for its true purpose to come to fruition, the way the jar of Nundu breath did. The idea of working at Borgin and Burke's for years was… unsettling.
"I was set to receive my inheritance," Regulus eventually lied. "Shortly after marrying Ivy, but my father's death complicated things. I still plan to quit once the coin comes through. Until then, its nice to have some extra pocket change."
"Is that why you purebloods marry straight out of Hogwarts?" Longbottom snorted. "To receive your inheritance?"
"Didn't you propose to Alice, while still at Hogwarts?"
"Touché. But surely, Mummy could provide you with some measly pocket change in the meantime. Your entire family is filthy fucking rich, are they not?"
"Yes, but Mummy isn't too fond of me." Regulus was startled at the ease with which he'd revealed that fact.
"And here I thought you were the Golden Child compared to Sirius."
"Let me rephrase," he folded his arms. "Mummy isn't too fond of having had children."
Longbottom stared at him.
Uncomfortable under his gaze, Regulus countered: "Why are you working here?"
The wizard hesitated for a moment. "Alice and I are trying to start a family. Being Aurors doesn't pay so well as they advertise. I found work here and Alice is working at her family's ice cream shop. Actually," he cleared his throat. "I believe our wives had a run-in there the other day."
"I'm aware," Regulus said stiffly. "That's a topic you'd best drop."
"Don't you think," Longbottom lowered his voice. "We should talk at some point? I'll admit, I'm terribly curious."
"If I was going to talk about it," he replied sharply. "It certainly wouldn't be here. Or are you too thick to understand why?"
He sighed and held up his hands in surrender.
Regulus went on brusquely. "I believe you were telling me why you work here."
"The hours are flexible."
"You're an Auror. This shop is ridden with Dark objects."
"Believe me, this was a last resort. I tried everything before coming here. Quality Quidditch Supplies offered me a job, but the pay was abysmal. Honeydukes offered me even less. This was the best I could do on short notice."
"Blimey," Regulus said in disbelief. "You're telling me that Borgin is really paying you more than Honeydukes would have?"
"Yeah."
"He doesn't pay us shit!"
"He'll pay us nothing if you don't pipe down," Longbottom frowned.
"Borgin's not even here."
"Those masks on the wall have ears, don't they?"
Regulus looked over at the masks, which indeed had ears. Recalling the number of fireable offences he regularly voiced when Borgin wasn't around, he looked to Longbottom in horror. Breathing out slowly, he said: "Fuuuuck."
"Relax," Longbottom chuckled. "I'm just taking the piss. If the ears worked, we'd both be sacked by now, don't you think?"
"Prick," Regulus glared.
"You did say the spineless niceties were boring you to tears."
March 11th, 1980
"I'm thinking of transferring to the Portkey Office." Doe slurped her spoonful of yoghurt, leaning back in her chair. She had her own office at the Apparition Test Centre, small and utterly bland as it was. There was little within aside from her desk and chair - the only decoration she'd placed was a calendar.
"That position is still open?" Ivy crossed her legs from her perch atop the desk. "Figured they would've filled it by now. Pettigrew was sacked from there, what, six months ago?"
"See, the pay is alright, but no one wants to work with Yaxley. He's conducting the interviews and it sounds like he's run off most every candidate."
"And you want to work with Yaxley?"
"'Course not," Doe scoffed. "The man's a wanker."
"But…?"
"The pay's slightly better than what I'm currently getting."
"Slightly better is worth answering to that tosspot?" Ivy raised a brow.
"Funny, Lily said exactly the same thing."
"Evans?"
"Potter."
"Whatever," Ivy waved a hand.
"Perhaps Regulus could take my job here," Doe said around another spoonful of yoghurt. "If I leave. If I don't, he could probably get that job at the Portkey Office fairly easily, considering who his employer would be."
"I think he secretly likes working at Borgin and Burke's."
"Is that so?" Doe laughed. "He tells me the opposite every chance he gets."
"Well," Ivy lowered her voice, despite the pair being enclosed in the tiny office. "I'm sure you're aware who his coworker is."
"I can't say I am."
Perhaps Longbottom's part-time job wasn't common knowledge. Had she been speaking to any other Order member, she wouldn't have considered divulging the information, but Doe could be trusted. Truthfully, Ivy trusted her almost as much as Regulus, Theya, and Severus.
"He works with Frank Longbottom," she finally said.
"Ah." Doe's face reflected understanding.
"You know what happened then," Ivy quirked a brow.
"I know everything," she said mischievously. "Dumbledore's got nothing on me."
"Can't say I'm surprised. You two do have the same auras."
"Do we really?"
"I don't see auras often. But some, like yours and Dumbledore's, are too prominent to go unnoticed. They're white like freshly fallen snow. Hazy at times, glowing at others."
"White symbolises purity, doesn't it?" Doe asked. "I'm afraid I've grown a tad rusty on my Divination knowledge."
"It can symbolise purity," Ivy leaned her hands back on the polished wooden surface of the desk. "For you two, however, I believe it signifies power and clarity. I've never met more discerning people."
Doe nodded in a way that suggested hesitant acceptance, before she looked the white-haired witch up and down. "Want to know what I've discerned recently?"
"I suspect you're going to tell me regardless of my answer," she replied easily.
"I've discerned that you and Theya are rowing."
"I give credit where credit is due," Ivy snickered. "But that is clear to anyone with eyes."
Doe set aside her yoghurt to fix Ivy with those piercing blue eyes. "Theya hasn't joined us for lunch in months. She and I still have it on our own, but she refuses to invite you when we do."
"What's she told you about it?" Ivy asked carefully.
"Only that she did something she shouldn't have."
"Oh," she laughed scornfully. "She'll admit it to you, but not to me. That's just wonderful."
"What did she do?" Doe prompted.
"She…" Ivy played with the Thestral pin in her half-up, half-down hairdo. She then drew her wand and cast a Muffliato for good measure.
She raised a brow, but didn't comment.
"She told a secret to someone she shouldn't have," Ivy finished.
"That really susses out the situation, thank you," Doe rolled her eyes.
"Look, it's complicated. Do you remember the conversation we had on my wedding day?"
"Of course," she pushed a strand of reddish-brown hair behind an ear.
Ivy hesitated, struggling to tell the naked truth. They were safe from prying ears, but blatant lies had always been more of her strong suit; speaking plainly was the difficult task. "Theya… told the wrong person that we're outliers, as you put it."
"Are you in danger of being found out?" Doe leaned forward in her chair, blue eyes soft with concern. "I can provide you with a safe house if you need."
"We already have one," Ivy said tentatively. "It's not that I think the person will reveal us on purpose… Theya's choice was just very unwise. It may cost us someone we hold dear."
Without missing a beat, Doe said: "She told Snape."
Ivy stared. "How did you-"
"Because I'm me and you're you," Doe's tone was ripe with confidence. "Regulus is Regulus, Theya is Theya, and Snape is Snape."
"What kind of an answer is that?" Ivy scowled irritably. "You sound like Could, with that bloody riddle."
"What?" Doe blinked.
"Nothing. Nevermind," Ivy said quickly. "Go on."
She squinted slightly. "What I meant, is that I know you all. Snape less so, but I always assumed there was a reason for that. I assumed correct, didn't I? He's an outlier, but not involved. Right?"
"Right," Ivy grumbled, a bit put out by how easily Doe seemed to figure things out. Perhaps it was because Ivy thought herself awfully clever -she was- but in all likelihood, she probably just felt a tinge jealous.
She thought to remind Doe not to tell anyone, but that was their unspoken caveat; they wouldn't tell each others' secrets. It was mutually understood and there was no need for reminders. Above all, it made their friendship simple.
Ivy liked simple.
"I understand why she did what she did," Doe clasped her fingers atop the desk.
She looked altogether like Dumbledore, with her penetrating gaze and shrewd eyes. The witch also happened to be wearing robes that were a flamboyant shade of purple. Give the woman a beard and half-crescent shaped spectacles, and she was their Headmaster.
It was rare that Ivy felt intimidated, but the faint haze of her white aura was present, meaning that Doe was not to be taken lightly at the moment.
"As do I," Ivy agreed. "But with all due respect, you don't know what it is that we do."
"Then tell me," she said gently.
"I can't," she rubbed her temples. "I really, really can't. What we deal with is… unheard of. We do more than your lot does and we are in ten times the peril because of it."
"All the more reason to tell me. Perhaps I could help."
"You probably could, but what we're doing… Even by magical standards, it's mad. What I will say, is that there's a possibility of us working together in the future."
Doe nodded, as though she had an inkling as to what this meant.
"Dumbledore knows what we're doing," Ivy elaborated anyway. "When I left Hogwarts, he asked me to join the Order."
If Doe was surprised, she didn't show it. All she did was arch a brow inquiringly.
"I declined," she went on. "For a number of reasons. But I did give him information in exchange for him leaving the offer open. I, technically, could join right now if I wanted to."
"Why don't you?"
"It's complicated, our situation. Precarious on the best of days, utterly immoral on the worst. Our methods are lawless and we make strides because of it. Meanwhile, your lot is losing the war; the Order would be nothing but a hinderance. Joining your cause is a last resort."
Doe was silent, watching her keenly. Her expression was unreadable as she assessed Ivy. Head to toe, the witch looked at her, through her, into her.
Ivy had rarely felt so exposed. Doe's aura probably had a hand in making her feel that way; the faint haze had grown bright, glowing around her as though to indicate she was some kind of Muggle saint.
Doe finally broke the silence. "What if I said that I wanted to join you?"
Ivy's silver eyes went wide and she choked on her words momentarily. "You want to join us? Why the hell would you want to do that?"
"I would be an asset." She spoke confidently, shoulders squared. "And I won't lie, I've often thought the Order's methods were too tame. I wholeheartedly agree with you, that we are losing the war because of said methods."
"You don't even know what we're up to," Ivy pointed out. "Besides, I doubt the others would trust you with this kind of information."
"Do you trust me?"
"I do," she responded without hesitation.
"And you call the shots, right?"
"Well, yes, generally."
Doe spread her hands.
"It's not that simple," Ivy sighed. "If it were just me, I'd induct you in a heartbeat. You're right, you could be a huge asset. But I'm no hypocrite; I won't spill my guts without the others' permission, the way Theya did with Severus."
In all actuality, she'd been wanting to confide in Doe for years. The witch always had their backs, even when it came to her own mates. She was a force to be reckoned with, that much was clear. They could really use someone like that on their side.
"Not to mention," Ivy went on. "There are about a thousand details we would need to agree upon before letting you in on things. There would be stipulations to your joining - hell, now that Severus is involved, he'd probably insist that you be questioned under the influence of Veritaserum."
"I would respect nothing less," Doe chuckled as though Ivy had spoken of a tea party instead of truth serum. "Look, just think on it. That's all I ask.
"Alright," Ivy conceded. "That I can do."