I'm Here You're Safe

by Queen Nitiqret

Draco's breathing quickened, his heart was thumping so rapidly in his chest that he felt sure everyone in the hall must be able to hear, must be looking at him. The world around him faded out. Everything seemed to be a spinning blur. He felt sick.

Title: I'm Here. You're Safe

The Houses Competition
Round: 3
House: Ravenclaw
Class: History of Magic
Category: Standard
Prompts: [location] Ministry of Magic; Anxiety

Build Your Own Adventure: Earth, present day
Prompt: [setting] London

Flower Power: list 3, buttercup
Prompt: [word] stalwart

Honeydukes Hoarder: hard candy, number 3
Prompt: proud

Writing Club: quotations, number 8; here for the year, number 7; fight club, number 2; pair em up, pair 3, prompt 2
Prompt: "I'm not weird. I'm limited edition."; write about showing someone that they're cared for; [genre] hurt/comfort; HarryDraco, [emotion] anticipation

Gather Your Party: warlock, number 7
Prompt: [plot point] holding hands

Scamander's Case: niffler, female
Prompt: [action] holding hands

Word count: 2037
Betas: Dora, Hadrian, Bea

Warnings/Trigger warnings: Panic attack

Summary Draco's breathing quickened, his heart was thumping so rapidly in his chest that he felt sure everyone in the hall must be able to hear, must be looking at him. The world around him faded out. Everything seemed to be a spinning blur. He felt sick.

---

Harry was sitting on the bed watching Draco fuss with his hair. Draco felt slightly nauseous. The thought of attending the Ministry function with Harry filled him with dread; he was now regretting his agreement to attend with Harry.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. It would be a grand event with fine food and champagne, both of which Draco loved, and of course, many of their friends would be in attendance, including Ron, Hermione, Pansy and Blaise. He did enjoy spending some time in their company, but he would much rather do that in the comfort of his own home or theirs, preferably theirs so he could leave when he had reached his fill of socialisation. He wished now that he hadn't felt the need to agree to attend. He wished that he didn't feel the pressure of society to attend events to support his husband. Why could he not just quietly support his husband from the wings? Why did the press have to stick their nose in and speculate something must be wrong in their marriage if Draco was not seen at these events with Harry?

"You don't have to come with me if it's too much for you," Harry said quietly from the bed.

Harry, who was so often naïve to many things in the Magical World, was never naïve of Draco's feelings. He could read Draco as easily as Hermione could read a book from the Hogwarts library. His stalwart support of Draco's anxiety for social situations never failed to warm Draco's heart. Harry showed his love for Draco every day, not just with his words but, most importantly, with his actions. Draco often felt like he could not love Harry any more than he did, but each and every time Harry supported him and understood him, Draco's love for Harry grew.

Draco looked up at Harry's reflection in the mirror and smiled at him.

"I said I would come and I mean to," Draco replied with more determination in his voice than he felt. He loved Harry and he would support him the way Harry supported Draco.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked, seeing through Draco's bravado. "There will be many people there that you don't know. In fact, the majority of people there will be people you don't know. Are you sure you're up for it? I won't be able to spend a lot of time with you because I'll be expected to interact with the foreign Ministry Officials."

"I know." Draco nodded, turning round to face Harry. "I can do this. Besides, Ron and Pansy will be there and Hermione and Blaise won't have much time for them either. It'll be fine."

Harry stood up from the bed and held out his hand to Draco, who smiled and took the proffered hand. Harry gave Draco's hand a tight squeeze before they made their way to their living room to take the Floo to the Ministry of Magic. Harry threw a handful of Floo powder into the fire, stepped into the roaring green flames and disappeared with a whoosh. With a shaking hand, Draco took his own handful of Floo powder and threw it into the flames. He took a deep, steadying breath and stepped into the flames. The roaring sound of the flames filled his ears and he could barely hear his own voice stating his destination above the thudding of his own heart. The roaring of the flames grew louder, almost drowning out the sound of the blood thundering in his ears as Draco whizzed past fireplace after fireplace. He closed his eyes and his mouth tightly. He never enjoyed travelling by Floo; the spinning sensation always made him feel nauseous and combined with his nerves he was afraid he might vomit. After what seemed like forever and yet, was simultaneously too soon, Draco felt the spinning sensation slow and he opened his eyes in time to step out of the fireplace in the lobby of the Ministry of Magic. Harry was right in front of him and after dusting himself off and straightening his hair, Draco took hold of Harry's warm, firm hand once more.

Harry's fingers closed around Draco's in a tight grip. Draco closed his eyes and took another deep, steadying breath. He opened his eyes and looked into Harry's brilliant emerald green eyes; eyes that were filled with love and concern.

"Ready?" Harry asked.

Draco swallowed, nodded and whispered, "Ready."

He allowed Harry to lead them through the lobby. Harry greeted the security guard cheerfully as they passed him and called the lift. Draco was barely aware of his surroundings as he followed Harry into the lift. The voice of the witch announcing the floor sounded faint and distant to Draco's ears. Draco's heart was beating so fast he thought it might actually burst from his chest. He concentrated hard on keeping his breathing steady. Everything was a blur and if it hadn't been for Harry's steadying hand Draco's steps would have faltered.

Draco was only vaguely aware that they had stopped walking and he looked up. They were standing outside the double doors of the large Ministry function room and Harry was looking at Draco, worry etched into his features.

"Draco, are you sure you're okay? It's not too late for me to take you home." Harry's voice was full of concern.

"It's fine. I'm fine," Draco croaked, his voice barely louder than a whisper as he fought hard to keep back the tears that he could already feel stinging his eyes. His husband was brave; he could be too and he was too proud to admit, even to Harry, that he may have seriously overestimated his ability to make it through this night. Harry gave Draco a look of suspicion. "I'll be alright, Harry."

"Draco, you promise me, you'll tell me if it gets too much for you?"

Draco nodded. Harry pressed a quick kiss to Draco's lips before he gave Draco's hand a tight squeeze and led the way into the hall.

The hall was already half full and people naturally glanced up at them as Harry led Draco towards the table where they would be having dinner. But to Draco, it felt as though every eye in the room was fixed upon him. The walk to their table suddenly seemed longer and harder than trekking to Everest base camp. He could feel his heart thudding in his ears again, could feel the colour rising in his cheeks and the horrible nauseous feeling returned to his stomach. As though he knew exactly how Draco was feeling, Harry's grip on Draco's hand tightened slightly. His firm grip grounded Draco. Reminded him that he was not alone.

He needed only to tell Harry it was too much and he would remove Draco to safety. But the thought of turning around and walking back down the hall again when he had just arrived was also unbearable. If people had stared before, then this time their stares would include whispers. His breathing quickened and at long last they reached their table, and Harry was pulling out a chair next to Pansy, then Harry was sitting on the other side of him and Draco was safely ensconced between the two safest people in the world. The two people who knew him best. The two people with whom he could easily make conversation that would not be too emotionally draining.

As soon as he had seated himself, Harry slipped his hand back into Draco's. On Draco's other side, Pansy gave his other hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I thought tonight would be too much for you," Pansy said quietly. "Are you sure it's not, Draco? You don't look too good."

Seated between his two favourite people in the whole world, Draco could feel his heart rate and breathing return to normal. He didn't feel quite as exposed sitting at the table where he was safe from trying to make small talk with people.

"I'm okay, Pans," Draco reassured her. "I promised myself I would be here to support Harry."

"You don't have to prove anything to Harry," Pansy told him. "Harry knows he has your full support at all times."

"Yes, I do," Harry said, agreeing with Pansy. "Nor do I give a rat's ass about anything that Rita Skeeter prints."

By the time the starters were served, Draco was feeling much calmer. Harry was having to make small talk with the foreign Ministry Official he was seated next to for most of the dinner but that was okay because he had Pansy to talk to, while Blaise on Pansy's other side made small talk with another foreign official. Hermione sidled up to Harry and urgently whispered something in his ear as the desserts were being served. Draco watched the frown appear on Harry's face.

"There's no way, 'Mione," Harry replied, shaking his head. "Even dancing with me might be too much, in front of everyone."

"Look, Ron's not happy about it either," Hermione snapped. "But you knew what this would involve."

"No actually, 'Mione, I didn't or I would never have brought him."

"Ron's not–"

"Ron isn't likely to have an anxiety attack in the middle of the dance floor though."

"Oh, not this nonsense again. Being antisocial isn't an excuse."

"He's not antisocial," Pansy snapped.

"What is it, Harry?" Draco asked, trying to keep his voice even, but knew that, at the least, Pansy and Harry caught the anxiety in his tone.

"The Minister wants us and our partners to have the first dance with our foreign counterparts and their partners," Harry said.

"Harry. I can't, I just can't," Draco said, as he started to shake. "I can't. I can't. You know I can't. In front of people. Making small talk-"

Draco's breathing quickened, his heart was thumping so rapidly in his chest that he felt sure everyone in the hall must be able to hear, must be looking at him. The world around him faded out. Everything seemed to be a spinning blur. He felt sick. He couldn't breathe. His face felt wet. He was drowning. He tried to draw a breath but he couldn't. There were voices talking nearby but everything sounded distorted, muffled.

He couldn't distinguish any words. Just noise. Louder and softer. Louder and softer. There was no tone to anything. Just noise. And the thumping. The THUD THUD THUD of his heart and the blood pounding in his ears. And the pain. The pain in his chest. His heart beat like a drum in a pipe band. And the burning pain in his lungs as he couldn't catch a breath.

He was lost.

Drowning in a sea of pain and noise.

And then a touch.

A rough, calloused touch.

A hand.

Harry's hand.

Just his hand.

His fingers closed around Draco's. Something solid.

An anchor.

The world slowly stopped spinning. Came back into focus.

And he gasped. Drew a shuddering, breath of air.

And another. And the burning sensation in his lungs started to ebb away.

And just as slowly his heart rate began to slow down. Still rapid but slower. And sound began to filter in.

Not all sounds. There was still a muffled confusion in the background. But one sound.

One sound was clear. Low and steady. Cutting through the confusion of noise.

Harry. His voice. Repeating over and over.

"I'm here. You're safe."

Draco looked at the hand holding his. Warm, safe, loving. He looked up and his eyes found Harry's. Draco felt Harry's other hand take his.

"Look at me. Only at me. You're with me. You're safe."

Harry stood up and pulled Draco to his feet.

"Keep looking at me," Harry said. "Only at me."

Draco nodded. He allowed Harry to lead him. There was a loud CRACK nearby. And then another and Draco was engulfed in a suffocating blackness once more… and then he was free.

They were back in their bedroom. And Draco was exhausted. He was vaguely aware of Harry's wand swishing through the air and being guided to their bed. He was lying down and being engulfed in Harry's strong arms. But it didn't feel suffocating. It felt–

Safe.