The car was so incredibly awesome that Percy didn't even notice Hermes' eye until Annabeth commented on it. To be fair, when Hermes had offered them a ride, Percy had vaguely thought it would be in his usual delivery van. Or if not a van, a taxi. He was not expecting a bright red, super classy sports car. So he might have glanced at Hermes, vaguely noted he had on sunglasses, then gave all his attention over to the ride. As it should be.
So it wasn't until Annabeth asked, "What happened to your eye?!" that Percy stopped admiring the car long enough to pay attention to its driver.
Hermes was, as Percy had noted, wearing sunglasses with green frames. The sunglasses in turn were somewhat covering, but not really hiding, the fact that the left side of his face was an oddly yellow.
"What was that?" Hermes asked, tone at once innocent and slightly admonishing, "Did you mean to say thank you, Lord Hermes, for the offer of instantly transporting you to the other side of the country?"
"Does it have to be instant?" Percy blurted out, because who wouldn't want a proper trip in a car like that?
"Thank you, Lord Hermes," Annabeth said, and it said a lot about how comfortable they had both become around Hermes that her tone was entirely sarcastic and not the slightest bit reverential. "Now, tell me why you decided to hold onto a black eye when I know gods can heal themselves."
"It's not a black eye," Hermes protested. Then, when even Percy stopped admiring his car to give him an incredulous look, the god sighed and finally removed his sunglasses. It wasn't a black eye, but only because ichor doesn't really bruise black, and because the bruise was alongside his eye not over it. The left side of his face, from his cheek bone to the start of his eyebrow was swollen and orange, yellow at the edges.
"Hermes…" Percy said, frowning, "We've talked about this…you have to drink some nectar or…"
"Already had some," Hermes answered quickly, then winced at the way both his cousins' eyes widened in alarm. If the god had actually taken care of himself and helped himself heal and still looked like that…how bad was he originally?
"Hermes…" Percy started to ask, but he could see from the way Hermes was no longer looking at them, now scowling defensively down at the wheel, that pushing wouldn't help, so he quickly switched to, "What happened to the van?"
That got Hermes smiling again, at least. "I am the god of cars," he said, sitting back and patting the door of the car through its open window. "You think I'm only going to ever go around in a van?"
"I never really…Annabeth!" Percy cried, betrayal and heartbreak clear in his voice. While he had been busy admiring the car and avoiding discussing the eye with Hermes, Annabeth had sneakily wandered around the car and let herself into the front passenger seat.
"Don't forget the rolls," she called to him, unrepentant. Hermes, Percy's favorite of all his cousins and close friend, openly laughed at the expression on Percy's face. Betrayal, all around. Grumbling, Percy picked up the basket of rolls and clambered awkwardly past Annabeth, trying to console himself that he was still in the sports car. And if he squished Annabeth a bit while climbing over her seat to get in, well, served her right.
"Really?" Annabeth asked, unimpressed at how much of a show Percy made in getting in, taking his time, juggling the basket.
"Not my fault Hermes chose such a stupid car for three people," Percy grumbled, finally settling himself and allowing her to readjust her seat.
"That so?" Hermes asked. "I suppose you're right. For the return trip I'll change it back to a van. Plenty of space."
"No!" Percy said quickly. "I take it back. Hermes made the most awesome choice. Hermes is the god of awesome choices!"
Hermes laughed, revved the car, and took off so ridiculously fast that, had it been a normal car holding normal people, they would soon have crashed horrifically at the end of the street. It was not a normal car holding normal people, and the road obliged by giving them a long empty stretch for the car to show off its capabilities.
Having actually driven Hermes' delivery van, Percy and Annabeth were somewhat familiar with the way it seemed to seamlessly cut ways across the map that had nothing to do with real world geography. They also knew well enough to know that Hermes was, in fact, taking them the 'long' way. If he hadn't been, they'd probably have reached their destination in the amount of time it would normally take for a normal car to reach the end of their street. And it was a short street. Neither complained. Percy whooped, enjoying the ride even from the back seat. Annabeth was more reserved, but she did put her hand at her window, feeling the flow of air.
"Now this is driving!" Percy said, as the car swerved at breakneck speeds around the side of a mountain before plunging down into a tunnel and then up again to cross a river. If Percy's water sense was correct (and it was), they had gone halfway across the country in minutes. Obviously, Hermes was going slow to show off his car. And Percy highly approved. "Why do you drive that delivery van everywhere when you could be driving this?"
"Who says I don't?" Hermes asked, glancing back to give Percy a wink. Then he hit his breaks, spun the car twice, and slammed to a stop. A moment before they'd been in the middle of nowhere. And in a sports car. Now, without any obvious transition, as if Hermes had just reached out and grabbed the scenery and dragged it to him, rather than going to it, they were neatly parked right outside an apartment in New York. And sitting in a delivery van. Somehow, Percy was up front, crowded on a seat next to Annabeth, his basket of rolls in his lap even though a moment before it had been on the seat next to him.
"The car can do that?" Percy demanded. "Could I have done that?"
"With Martha and George's help, maybe," Hermes said with a shrug, then winked again and the car shifted back to a sports car, Percy again in the back, rolls on the seat.
"Will you hold it still long enough for us to get out?" Annabeth asked, decidedly unimpressed. "They're waiting on us."
With a grin, Hermes turned off the ignition.
"Where is Martha and George," Percy asked while he waited for Annabeth to get out so he could get out, too. Hermes slid his sunglasses back on his face, not answering, and for one horrible moment Percy stared at the edges of Hermes' bruise and wondered if something had happened to them when that had happened to Hermes. But surely Hermes wouldn't be so calm if that were the case? He'd probably be freaked out and would have cancelled.
'Hello, Percy,' said Martha's voice, and a tiny head uncurled itself from where it wrapped along the glasses' frame. No, two heads; the frames were the snakes, curled around each other across the center, their tails wrapped behind Hermes' ears.
'Hermes said we are going to a feast,' George's voice put in. 'I assume that means many rats?'
"Er…we were just responsible for the rolls," Percy said, then, "Really? You're wearing them on your face as glasses?"
"Not just any glasses," Hermes objected. "Smart glasses! And hey, it's way harder to lose them if I'm wearing them, right?"
"Has he lost you as glasses?" Percy asked the snakes, doubtfully.
"Of course I haven't," Hermes answered.
'Three times, so far,' Martha said dryly.
"I've taken them off three times," Hermes corrected quickly.
'Yes,' George agreed. 'And then panicked and shouted our names over and over until we answered.'
"I wish my stuff answered me when I lose it," Annabeth muttered. Then, "Why are we just standing here? Thanksgiving is inside, isn't it? Do you still have the rolls?"
Percy held up his basket as confirmation.
"Oh, that reminds me," Hermes said, and, having hopped out of the car, he turned and pulled out a bottle from under his seat. "My contribution to the festivities." It looked like a wine bottle, the top corked and wrapped in gold. Knowing Hermes, it was either proper, vintage stuff or it would turn out to be something ridiculous like root beer masquerading as wine.
They had only just started to the door of the building when a flash of light preceded an impressively loud engine as a second red car squealed to a stop behind Hermes' car. Which was a minor miracle in and of itself, that both cars found parking spaces right outside the complex.
"You invited Apollo?" Hermes demanded, sounding oddly alarmed considering he usually seemed to like his brother, and then darted through the door without waiting to greet said brother. The fact that the door normally required a passcode before it unlocked, which had not yet been entered, did not seem to bother him in the slightest.
Annabeth and Percy were slower to follow, seeing as it was considered polite to not slam doors in the face of one's guests. Apollo smiled at them, then hauled a giant golden pot out of his passenger seat.
"Thank you for inviting me to this festival, Cousins," he said as he went into the building while Annabeth held the door for him. "I brought the traditional bean stew for Pyanopsia."
"Thanksgiving!" Hermes' voice called from the elevator just before the door closed, "We are celebrating Thanksgiving, not your stupid Theseus cult day!"
"I know," Apollo started to explain, while Annabeth and Percy both shouted, "Hold the door!"
Hermes did not hold the door. They had to wait some five minutes before the elevator came back down. It was just the slightest bit awkward. Percy had not spent nearly as much time with Apollo as he had with Hermes and wasn't entirely sure how to talk to him.
"Sooo…what is Pyro-sia?" he asked into the awkward silence. And then regretted it. At length.
"And of course my sister, in her own way, is the olive branch that the boys carry…" Apollo was still explaining as the small group finally found their way to the correct apartment. Percy's mom was waiting at the door to greet all three of them with hugs. Estell was there too, hopping with excitement while grasping her mom's pant's leg. At least this neatly distracted Apollo who, Percy had discovered, had a great fondness for children. Hermes, Percy noticed, was nowhere in sight.
"Thank you for the invitation to this family feast," Apollo said, offering a smile to both ladies, "A blessing on this house and all its occupants."
"Oh…thank you," said Percy's mom, and Sally's magical ability seemed to be making everything seem normal and not awkward at all because she just smiled and directed Apollo to where the food was being laid out, buffet style in the kitchen while calling, "Percy, did you remember the rolls?"
Percy's basket soon joined the table. Hermes' wine bottle was nowhere to be seen but they did finally find the god himself, talking to Paul about, of all things, high school sports.
"Everyone always makes such a deal about cutting the arts," Hermes was saying, "But I don't think they realize just how important athletics can be…"
"The school just spent thousands to update the gym," Paul tried to protest, but Hermes waved his hands and said, "Oh, sure they make a big deal about one or two games, but I'm talking real athletics. You explain, 'Pollo; we need to exercise our bodies to exercise our brains…"
"Well, of course for a well-rounded education one must include the body," Apollo agreed, leaping eagerly into the conversation, "But I think music..." And Hermes abandoned Paul to his brother so he could slip away to insert himself next to Percy and Annabeth.
"Sooo…just how many of our relatives are coming?" he asked.
"Well," said Percy thoughtfully, "I sent invitations to Dad, of course, and Aunt Hestia…Lady Artemis, and, well, if you invite her you have to invite her hunters, otherwise that's just rude…and then I remembered how fond Mr. D was of me and he is a cousin so I thought I might send him an invite…and of course Grover because he's basically family at this point…Lady Athena since she is Annabeth's mom, and then Dad pointed out that not inviting Lord Zeus or Lady Hera to a family gathering could be a dire insult so I had to invite them…"
Hermes' face, which had been hilarious throughout, actually went a bit white at the end.
"Do you know…I think I might be double parked…" he said and started for the door so quickly that Percy, who had no longer been able to contain his laughter, would never have been able to stop him. Annabeth wasn't much better. Luckily, his mom did not find it funny and intervened.
"Almost none of them are coming," Sally explained, neatly stepping in Hermes' way, before giving her son a look that somewhat sobered him up from his mirth. "Lady Hera claimed she was already attending a festival with her sisters, though I hadn't known the gods celebrated Thanksgiving…"
"Thesmorphia," Hermes corrected, still sounding a bit out of it from his previous horror. "Harvest festival, but only women are allowed to participate. I'm guessing my sisters won't be here either, then?"
"We are only expecting one more arrival," Percy answered for his mom.
"And…who would that be?" Hermes prompted, actually sounding nervous. As if the universe was in on the plot, the doorbell rang at that exact moment. With a mischievous grin that wouldn't have looked out of place on one of Hermes' children, Percy quickly ran over to open the door while Hermes was still frozen in place.
"Dad!" Percy exclaimed, offering his dad a hug. It was weird, but they were almost the same size. In fact, they could almost pass for brothers considering how the gods didn't really age the same way as mortals. Gods could be pretty much any age at any given moment, though according to Poseidon, gods didn't get to completely control how they appeared. They had a set 'look'. Poseidon preferred a more mature age when around Percy, but he hadn't really changed his own age as Percy grew, and Percy was old enough now that people didn't automatically assume 'father and son' when they saw them together.
Hermes, of course, liked to imply gods were all powerful and could be anything they wanted to be and that he was shorter than Percy by choice. Percy now knew better. Just like he knew Hermes well enough to tell he was both relieved and slightly nervous that it had turned out to be Poseidon at the door even though Hermes' only obvious reaction was to offer a welcoming smile.
"Uncle," he said, by way of greeting.
"Hermes," Poseidon said back, and Percy was glad to note no particular animosity from his dad; it seemed he was right in thinking the two were not at odds like half of their relatives. Though Poseidon did follow that up by frowning and saying, "What happened to your eye?"
"His eye?" Apollo asked, the room slowly growing more crowded as Percy's mom herded them towards the table. Then, "Would this happen to have something to do with a particular group of nymphs offering a reward for your head?"
Just about everyone turned to look at Hermes. Poseidon frowned and said in a tone of immense exasperation, "What did you steal this time?"
"I've got it handled," Hermes protested. "It's fine."
'Fine?' said a female voice from the vicinity of Hermes' face, 'We've been attacked three times today alone!'
"Hey, we're all here!" Hermes shouted, rather overly loud, "Shouldn't we be arranging ourselves for the feast? I see Uncle Poseidon brought us some lovely…what is that, actually? Did you bring us seaweed?"
"It's a kelp salad," Poseidon explained, and somehow Hermes' misdirection seemed to work and they all settled into the tradition of Thanksgiving. Or as much of a tradition as they could cobble together when the idea of coming together to share a meal with their loving family was a rather new concept to most of them.
The small apartment didn't really have a table big enough for all of them, but with three gods in residence it very soon did. Percy's mom sat between Paul and Poseidon, a fact that none of the three seemed to be uncomfortable with despite one being Sally's current husband and the other her ex. Estelle was placed at the end by her dad and Percy had snagged a seat on his sister's other side, across from Paul. Hermes had tried to get the next seat, but Annabeth had stared him down, so he had to sit on her other side, next to Apollo and across from Poseidon. And then, against all expectations, everything went spectacularly well. No one was fighting, though Hermes and Apollo did trade friendly quips. Everyone seemed at ease in each other's company, even Hermes now that the initial meetings with his brother and uncle were over. Everyone talked, and ate, and laughed and enjoyed their meal.
Hermes did finally bring out his bottle, presenting it with a flourish after they'd finished a round of 'I'm grateful for' that Paul had started.
"Well, I'm grateful for having family members I actually like being around," Hermes said as he pulled it out, seemingly from nowhere. "Here's to many more years together." And he'd started pouring out glasses for everyone. Well, everyone except for Estelle, who he skipped over saying, "None for you, you're far too young as yet."
Percy eyed his own drink when it was handed to him with deep suspicion. Hermes sounded sincere and he wasn't giving off 'this is a prank' vibes…which for Hermes was highly suspicious. If this wasn't some kind of prank, then Hermes would probably be pretending it was just to mess with them. Unless…Hermes knew that they were on to that and it was a double bluff and…
Maybe Percy was overthinking it. Whatever the drink was, it seemed pretty normal, though it wasn't wine like he'd first assumed. As soon as the cork was popped, they had all smelled a strong scent of apples, and the drink that was poured forth was golden and clear and bubbly like champagne. Probably apple cider, then, and alcoholic or Estelle would have gotten some. Or maybe Percy wasn't overthinking it. Both Poseidon and Apollo were staring intently at their drinks and Hermes' expression in response was far too innocent.
"Hermes…" Poseidon said, staring at his glass, then at his nephew, then around the table. Percy waited, wondering what his dad was thinking. But all his dad did was shrug and lift his glass and say, "To family."
"To family," everyone repeated. Percy still watched to see that Hermes, Poseidon, and Apollo all took a sip of their drinks before he took a sip of his own, just in case. It tasted…like apple cider. Sweet, bubbly, but with the slightly bitter tang of alcohol. Okay, so it was just a normal drink and Percy was overthinking things.
"Speaking of family," Poseidon said, once he'd finished his drink and set his glass on the table, oddly not looking towards Hermes but at Percy even though it was soon clear he was talking to his nephew, "Do not worry about the nymphs. I'll take care of it."
"I…that's…thank you?" Hermes fumbled through his response.
And they ate their meal, and enjoyed their visit and nothing, absolutely nothing, went wrong. For once, it seemed it really wasn't a prank. It was, perhaps, the best Thanksgiving Percy had ever experienced. And, when they finally all left, everyone laden with leftovers, it was Percy's turn to sit up front in Hermes' car. Best. Day. Ever.
Note: If you are thinking 'wait, but what did Hermes steal from Percy', I never said the 'five times and one time' would be in that order. This is the 'one'. And one more chapter to go!