She felt a hand grip her bicep, just above the elbow. If she hadn't recognised both the grip and the scent of its owner, she might have been alarmed. He pulled her down the hallway several steps then into a rarely used meeting room.
"Tell me that you're not going to do anything foolish, Beverly."
"Hello to you too, Will."
"Beverly, this is serious."
"I know that, Will. Deadly serious. And no one else on this ship seems to give a damn that two people have been murdered, including the ship's Captain." She wasn't even attempting to hide her disgust and disappointment.
"If you do anything else Beverly…. If you make the situation worse…. It's not going to look too good for you. As it stands, if you let it go…"
"William Riker… When have I ever let anything go?"
"Then let me help you, Beverly" he said earnestly.
"No!" she almost shouted before she regained control of herself. "And risk your career? Your life? Absolutely not. The less you know about it the better."
"Then please, Beverly, as your friend, I'm telling you that the best thing that you can do right now is go to your quarters. Read a good book." She was shaking her head at him.
"I can't, Will."
"I'm trying to save you here, Beverly. Work with me on this," he pleaded.
"I don't need saving, Will. I don't want to be saved."
"What are you going to do if it all goes wrong? If you lose your commission?"
"What I always do, I suppose. One foot in front of the other and soldier on. I make my own decisions and I'll accept the repercussions of those decisions.
I can practise medicine anywhere, Will, and it's not as if I have anything keeping me here." She gifted him a small cheeky smile and placed a soft kiss on his lips before adding, "Present company excluded, of course."
"Of course."
As he watched her exit the meeting room, he reached for his comm badge to call Deanna. His hand was hovering over the insignia, his mind turning over what Beverly had said. Finally, he let his hand drop. He sure as hell hoped she knew what she was doing.
Later that day, as Will Riker sat terrified in his seat on the bridge watching Beverly Crusher fly a shuttle of unproven technology into a sun's corona, he thought that perhaps he'd never regretted anything more in his life than letting her walk out of that room…
—-
Once the shock had passed and the seriousness of the situation aboard the Justman had sunk in for the officers on the bridge, each turned his full attention to the orders being delivered rapid-fire by their commanding officers.
Deanna Troi was no exception. Beverly was beyond the reach of her empathic abilities, but Deanna had scanned her body language and facial expressions with a professional eye as soon as she'd seen just who was aboard the commandeered shuttle. She knew immediately that there would be no convincing the Doctor to turn the shuttle around and return to the ship.
Beverly's downcast eyes when she'd answered the Captain expressed a certain remorse, but remorse for being forced to disobey a direct order given by her Commanding Officer in front of the entire bridge crew, remorse for disappointing Jean-Luc Picard the man and her friend. Deanna could detect no remorse whatsoever regarding her plans nor her current course of action.
As far as the Counsellor could tell, Beverly had no doubts about what she was doing, and what she was doing certainly explained why she'd stonewalled Troi not a half ago. Deanna had of course been concerned, more than concerned. Concerned enough to bring Beverly's resistance to her attempts to engage with her to the Captain's immediate attention. That's how she had ended up on the bridge to witness Crusher's brush with death in person.
When she'd seen Beverly earlier, she'd felt a sense of recklessness and determination, but Deanna had honestly had no idea that she'd been hiding this. Strangely enough, as she'd been reporting to Picard, she'd felt a wave of guilt coming off of Will. He'd somehow known that Beverly had been planning something and had neglected to report it to either Deanna as Beverly's counsellor, or Picard as her CO.
Quickly determining that she'd gleaned all that she possibly could from Beverly and that it would be of no help whatsoever in forcing her to return to the ship, Deanna finally opened herself up to the Captain and First Officer.
Luckily, she could skip a mental and psychological eval of Data completely. The android would perform well under pressure no matter the circumstances. Unlike Data, however, the two men to her right were not immune to the emotional impact of what was taking place on the screen in front of their eyes as they helplessly looked on.
She'd thought she'd been adequately prepared, fortified herself mentally for the onslaught from Picard as he'd watched Beverly disappear into the sun's corona. She'd only once felt something similar from the Captain, when Nella Daren had been thought lost to the firestorms of Bersallis III. She'd been able to feel the man's anguish from the opposite side of the ship.
She remembered at the time having to block him completely from her mind as she'd been busy dealing with the grief and devastation of the friends and family of the crewmen that had been lost that day.
She'd thought, afterwards, that that moment would probably be the worst instance of loss of emotional control she would ever feel from Jean-Luc Picard. Sitting to his left and watching Beverly's image abruptly cut off on the view screen, she realised she'd been wrong.
Unlike the situation with Commander Daren, this time Picard was in no position to retreat to his quarters or even to his Ready Room. He had an ongoing development here with a rogue member of his senior staff unfolding in real time.
Deanna felt him physically wrestle with the panic inside himself. Hands grappled to contain a flood of torrential runoff which tumbled over barriers and barricades as quickly as Picard's mind could erect them. The mindless waves and relentless currents of panic and anguish cared absolutely nothing for his rudimentary defences.
For a split-second Deanna's gaze caught his and then she felt his mind snap shut, a watertight foolproof containment door had been brutally bullied into place and she felt the raging current inside him replaced by the cool, calm and soothing control that Picard usually radiated in such situations.
He broke eye contact with her and stood up to give Mr. Data further instructions. The only strong emotion she could sense from him now was a deadly calm and flat anger; anger at Beverly and for some reason at himself. He was firmly in control, but it hadn't been a sure thing at all, and just for a moment Deanna had feared that she would have to do the unthinkable and remove him from the bridge.
Confident now that the Captain did not require her services for the moment, she turned her attention to Will. His emotions, unsurprisingly, were completely open and accessible to her.
Also of no surprise was the fact that the First Officer's most prevalent reactions mirrored Picard's almost exactly. Beverly and Will had become very close after Picard had begun a relationship with his former head of Stellar Cartography. Will's anxiety and gut-rending fear were to be expected. Unlike Picard, however, the First Officer had maintained a tight control over both.
During the interminable minutes before Beverly reappeared, dishevelled but whole and alive, Deanna had mentally bounced from officer to officer on the bridge assessing the crew's reaction and psychological state.
By the time it was all over she was so physically drained that it was all that she could do to take a turbolift to her quarters where she immediately collapsed onto the sofa. It was an hour before she could even consider going to check on Beverly, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
She assumed that Picard would have gotten there first and that the Doctor would need some time to recover from that encounter. Finally heaving herself off the sofa she reached out to her friend and detected exactly what she'd expected to find: anger, frustration, disappointment and still that sliver of almost defiant recklessness. Maybe some fortifying tea before visiting Beverly was in order…
—
The dark look on Will's face when the shuttle door hissed open, made her instantly contrite. Data and Worf were standing silently behind him and for a moment she truly believed that he'd come to haul her down to the brig. Instead, he gripped her elbow and guided her away from the shuttle allowing Data to enter.
"Doctor." Worf stopped in front of her, and she suddenly realised that she was still gripping the phaser tightly. Turning it around she handed it to Worf who turned and entered the shuttle behind Data, leaving her alone with Will.
He'd not released her elbow, but she was now more certain that she wasn't going to be summarily tossed into a holding cell on the Captain's orders. Wordlessly he led her out of the bay and into a turbolift. She finally couldn't take it any longer.
"Will…". His fingers tightened on her arm, but he just shook his head at her.
When they reached her quarters, she was surprised when he followed her inside. She turned around to look at him nervously. As soon as the doors slid shut behind them, he tugged her against him, hugging her fiercely. She returned his embrace, swallowing hard at the unexpected emotion that overcame her.
"What the hell were you thinking? God Beverly, you could have been killed! Why didn't you come to me?!" All of this was whispered against her temple as his hands moved through her hair.
"Will, I'm…"
"Don't say fine! You don't get to say fine right now."
"But…"
"He's so angry…. Well, more upset than angry really…"
At first, she wasn't tracking, couldn't figure out who in the world he was talking about, then…
"God, Beverly… watching that… being unable to do anything to bring you back. I thought he was going to collapse… Then afterwards, I have rarely seen him so angry, although most people wouldn't have ever guessed. I…"
"Will, I don't want to talk about the Captain." She snapped at him irritably.
"Well, he'll certainly want to talk to you, and this time you just might just need the head's up…. I've never seen him like that, Beverly."
She pulled away from him and flopped down on the sofa. He sat down next to her, grabbing her hand and twining their fingers together almost as though to anchor himself to her, to convince himself that she was there, beside him, alive and whole.
"And I'll deal with it…". She turned her head to look at him. "It was worth it."
"I hope you still think so once he's been to see you. Speaking of, I'd better go. I just wanted to…". His voice trailed off as he stood up from the sofa and pulled her up with him and into another rib crushing hug. Before he released her, he gave her a kiss on the forehead, his lips lingering there as he tucked her hair behind her ears.
"I don't think you have to worry too much about the inquiry. There may be a reprimand placed in your file." He trailed off, his face becoming sombre. "Don't you ever do anything like that again, Beverly. Do you understand? Even if you think it's worth it."
—
Will pulled up abruptly just outside Beverly's door. He'd almost run into Picard, literally.
"I've talked to her, Captain." He was so startled by Picard's sudden appearance as he exited Beverly's quarters, that he didn't quite know what else to say. He felt somewhat like an interloper even though he'd spent far more time with Beverly than Picard had in the last several months.
"Thank you, Will."
He nodded at the younger man who returned the gesture and set off towards the lift at the end of the hall. Picard was about to depress the door chime to Beverly's cabin when the doors slid open.
"If you're here to read me the riot act or to make me feel guilty then you're too late I'm afraid, Captain." She'd obviously heard them in the hallway as Riker was exiting.
"Yes… I saw Commander Riker in the hallway…". He was suddenly unsure of his role here, despite having known exactly what he was going to say to her just a few moments ago. Meeting Riker like that outside her door had unsettled him.
Since when was "handling Beverly" Will Riker's purview…. Thinking about it now, however, each hiccough or soothing of Beverly's ruffled feathers had been quietly done by Riker for several months now.
While Nella had been on board he'd been relieved to offload that responsibility, but he hadn't understood, until this moment, that they'd never reverted to the status quo. The realisation made him completely forget why he was here in her quarters at all. Confusion marked his features before he could hide it from her.
"What were you thinking, Beverly? You could have been killed." She simply shrugged her shoulders, as if shrugging off his words, shrugging him off.
"I've been over this with Will…. All of the details will be in my report."
"Beverly…". What was going on here? "You scared the hell out of me today."
He searched her eyes trying to find the reaction he'd been expecting. Just what that was he didn't know exactly, except this wasn't it. She wrapped her arms around her midriff, and he watched as her professional mask slipped into place.
"I apologise, Captain. Commander Riker has already indicated that I will be facing disciplinary action, but that it is unlikely that I will be removed from my post. However, I am sorry to have let you down." She thought he was here in his official capacity only, then.
Perhaps he should have Deanna attend her quarters. She'd been reckless today, no matter how she justified or rationalised it and that was most unlike the Beverly that he knew.
Perhaps she needed to talk to someone else about what had brought about her recent… impulsivity… Things had been awkward between them since Nella had been on board, but he'd thought that they were finally moving past it. Perhaps not.
He was starting to understand that he might have irreparably damaged his friendship with Beverly. Not necessarily because of the relationship with Nella itself, but because of how he'd reacted to Beverly, how cavalierly he'd set her aside and then expected her to simply take him back and resume where they'd left off.
"Beverly…"
"Jean-Luc, I had no choice. I am sorry if I frightened all of you. I didn't see any other way…"
She knew that he would be made uncomfortable, not only by her actions but the danger she had, in his eyes, so recklessly courted. While he didn't love her, she knew that he cared for her as a friend. She'd seen what had happened when he'd thought Nella lost to him….
She was, in her way, attempting to allow him to separate the two. The effort of keeping up the charade of their relationship, however, was starting to wear on her. She couldn't continue to protect him while she was still so raw and vulnerable where he was concerned.
Honestly for the last little while she'd been toying with the idea of a transfer. Perhaps she just needed to get away from all of this, him, them, his inability to separate personal from professional, his affair with Nella. She was just so very tired.
He moved to stand immediately in front of her, placing his hands on her biceps, needing to touch her, to verify for himself that she was, indeed, alive and well. He felt her stiffen and immediately let his hands drop. Damn it. He'd overstepped.
Why was this suddenly so difficult? Before Nella had come aboard, before his romance with her, their relationship had been predictable, stable. Now, it was as if everywhere he stepped, he risked drowning in hidden pockets of quicksand.
He only now realised just how easy it had been between them before, how easy she had made it between them despite all that had happened in the past. It had been months, and they still hadn't found their way back to one another.
They no longer shared simple things that he now realised had been an integral part of his life. He felt hesitant to try and reinstate something as simple as an evening meal together. He'd not dined with Beverly in the evenings while he'd been with Nella, even after she'd left the ship. He'd thought it inappropriate.
Afterwards, when his affair with Nella had finally run its course, he'd idly wondered if an evening meal between them was so inappropriate while he was involved with someone, then just what had all of those late nights spent together dining and talking and sharing a bottle of wine when they were both single, actually meant. He never did come up with an adequate answer and in the meantime, he missed her.
"Beverly, you know how important you are to me, how much I care about…" She stepped back from him, out of his reach and pasted on a smile that even he, as oblivious as he was to these things, could see didn't reach her eyes.
"I know, Jean-Luc… I am sorry. I allowed my enthusiasm and… fervour to overrule my good judgement. I am sorry that I frightened everyone."
He'd touched her a lot over the last two days, and she'd allowed it, mainly because he'd done so in public spaces, but she'd had enough. She was just so tired of the mixed messages of the past months. She'd set boundaries and she wanted them respected, as she'd always respected his.
She just wanted this conversation over with before she said something personal that she couldn't take back. Her emotions were running very high, and her control was tenuous at best.
She could defend herself professionally, present rational points and justifications, but in the end, she'd been reckless not only because she'd been right but because the potential consequences carried very little weight for her.
Like she'd told Will earlier that day, she could practise medicine anywhere, and with a hell of a lot less red tape and fewer restrictions, outside of Starfleet. She couldn't very well tell him that, though, so she needed some space.
Sensing her troubled mood and not knowing what else to do or say, Picard tugged on his tunic. "There will be a full investigation into the matter. Not that I don't expect you to be fully vindicated and exonerated, but…"
"I understand, Captain." She understood only too well. She understood that he hadn't supported her, trusted her judgement and it hurt. But she'd get over it. She always did.
"I will let you know when Starfleet sends any more information." He made his way to the door but turned back as if to say something more. She cut him off, unable to deal with anymore.
"Thank you, Jean-Luc."
—-
She spotted Will immediately. He was sitting alone at a table closest to the viewports. Catching the eye of one of Guinan's bartenders she ordered a tea and as she made her way to his table opened herself up to him fully.
He smiled softly as she took a seat beside him.
"Deanna, it's not that I don't enjoy your company, but if you want to know how Beverly is, you should ask her…."
"I already have."
"Stonewalled you, did she?"
"Not completely, no" she said somewhat defensively.
"Well, then…" He was obviously confused.
The scene on the bridge yesterday had been one of tightly controlled tension. Given all that had happened, however, it was reasonable that he would expect that her focus would now be on Beverly. And it was, but she also had a few questions for him.
"I just wanted to make sure that you were alright."
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, yesterday was hard on all of us. I know that you and Beverly have grown close."
"We have."
"So close that you would keep things from her Counsellor and Commanding Officer in order to protect her? Things that we should have known?"
"Deanna… I had no idea what she was going to do."
"But you knew that she was going to do something." He simply looked at her stony faced. "Didn't you, Will?" His silence was, in itself, his answer.
"Will…"
"Deanna, I had no idea she was going to do that. Do you honestly think I would have allowed it if I had?" She regarded him steadily, sensing that he believed what he was saying, but that he understood her point as well.
"No, I don't. I just want to make sure that in future, you will bring any similar concerns to me." His face was transformed by a sudden grin.
"I swear to you, Deanna, that if I get even a whiff that that crazy woman is planning anything remotely similar, not only will I tell you about it immediately, I will toss her ass in the brig myself. Guaranteed." Despite herself she returned his smile as he tipped his glass against her teacup to seal their pact.
After Deanna left, he finished up the incident report on the previous day's excitement, not feeling even a hint of guilt that he'd couched the entire thing in terms and analyses that heavily justified Beverly's actions. He had no doubt that Picard would simply sign off on his version of things.
Yesterday he'd arranged to meet the Doctor for a drink this evening when he'd commed her to inquire how she'd made out with the Captain. Picard had been…. silently brooding for the duration of Alpha shift that day. He hadn't come straight out and asked Deanna if the Captain's foul mood was attributable to Beverly's little joyride the day before, but it wasn't exactly a mystery.
He'd exchanged several glances with the Counsellor over the course of an hour as she'd sat beside him on the bridge, her posture uncomfortably stiff. Giving him a final look that seemed to ask if she absolutely had to go in there, she'd heaved a long-suffering sigh before making her way to the Captain's personal sanctuary.
Both of them knew that it was an exercise in futility. If Beverly was behind the Captain closeting himself in his Ready Room all shift, and clearly she was, then it wouldn't matter what approach Deanna took. He supposed she'd had to try though.
"I'm happy to see that you took my advice, Commander." Will snorted into his tankard as the bartender's voice broke into his reverie, startling him.
"Does anyone dare not take your advice, Madam Guinan? But just so we're clear, what advice are we talking about?"
He thought he could detect a faint smile, but those fathomless eyes just regarded him seriously, giving nothing away.
"Being there for a friend when she needs someone. You know Commander, when we're lonely, we can make choices we later come to regret. And sometimes those choices can have serious consequences." His eyebrows rose as he realised who she was talking about.
"And… Beverly needs a friend to avoid those… pitfalls." He mused slowly, knowing that the mysterious bartender wasn't given to idle chit chat. If she'd engaged him in conversation, then there were more complex motivations that he could only guess at.
"She is needed here. And you've played an important part in her choice to stay. She still needs a friend though…. Those pitfalls, they could still have consequences."
Beverly had mentioned a transfer while Commander Daren had been on board, but not since. Had she really been seriously considering leaving the Enterprise? According to Guinan she still was….
He looked back up, but Guinan was nowhere to be found. Just then the doors to 10-Forward hissed open and he felt a warm feeling of real pleasure when he recognised Beverly's distinctive features moving in his direction.
Despite Guinan's cryptic and somewhat ominous pronouncements, he couldn't say he was at all sorry that he'd heeded her advice that night. No, he thought as he watched her wind her way through the tables towards him, not sorry at all.
—
Three Weeks Later…
Beverly had eventually told him all about Guinan's role in her unsanctioned field trip on the Justman. He hadn't been able to figure out exactly why the mysterious hostess had developed such a keen interest either in Beverly, or in some obscure theoretical shielding technology but, she apparently had.
In the back of his mind, it had continued to bother him, especially the El-Aurian's sudden intense interest in his friend. Because it wasn't the first time that she'd interfered in Beverly's life.
Once he really thought about it, how she'd subtly encouraged him to invest more in his friendship with Beverly, the more he became convinced that something was going on. He was certain it wasn't nefarious, but nor did it seem benign. Will was no empath, but something wasn't quite adding up.
So, a month after her unauthorised spin in Reyga's shuttle, after Beverly had beamed them back on board from the planet where Lore had been creating havoc, after the reports had been written and filed and things had calmed down somewhat, Riker decided a drink in 10-Forward was in order.
And if a conversation with a certain behatted barkeep ensued, so much the better. Commander Riker didn't like unsolved mysteries, and Will Riker liked them even less, especially when he and a friend had unwittingly been placed at the centre of one.
"What can I do for you this evening, Commander?" 10-Forward was fairly quiet. It was still early and only a handful of patrons dotted the tables here and there eating an early dinner or catching up with a friend over a pre-dinner drink.
Guinan's caftan and matching hat were a deep shade of purple tonight giving her, in Will's mind, an even stronger otherworldly appearance than usual. It made her seem almost like royalty. She set a tankard of ale in front of Riker without him asking. After taking a sip, he looked up at her, eyebrows now raised in surprise.
"Not synthehol?"
"Consider it compensation or a reward for a job well done, Commander." He didn't think she was referring to what had happened down on the planet yesterday.
He studied the woman before him. William Riker certainly did not lack courage, but this wasn't about fear exactly. There were some things, especially things related to figures like Q or Guinan, that he felt he was better off not knowing. He simply, however, could not resist. Curiosity had forever been a personal weakness.
"You talked to Beverly about Reyga's technology…. Convinced her to investigate further, even though her career was on the line" he said mildly.
"I did. Like the Doctor, I care about seeing the truth brought to light, justice being served."
"And Beverly just happened to be acting Captain yesterday…. Reyga's technology, she used it to save the ship…. Destroyed a Borg cube… Then beamed us all back on board…"
Unlike their last conversation, this time he didn't have to guess whether or not she was smiling. Her teeth flashed brilliantly white, and her eyes shone with satisfaction and mischief. He couldn't bring himself to look away.
"Just so, Commander. Drink up." With that, she wandered to the other end of the bar.
He'd gotten his answer. He wasn't sure how he felt about being used as a tool by a being so powerful she foresaw and manipulated events that would change destinies. That he personally would be noticed by such an influential heavyweight, no matter how benevolent, left him slightly unsettled.
Best not think about it maybe. He didn't know how Picard dealt with it, but it seemed that those in the Captain's orbit were destined to be drawn into matters of universal importance by association alone. Yes, definitely better to not think about it too much after all…