The house was too quiet.
It's not like Russel was often particularly loud, but there was a certain presence, a gravitas, that made a space feel all the more occupied. 6 weeks ago, barely an hour could go by without a yell or a crash or occasionally a small fire, including hours that were meant for rest. The first departure had taken away the biggest part of home for Noodle, but each subsequent member of her family leaving hollowed it even further. Now the building felt as far from home as possible, but still she felt trapped by the few happy memories she could hold onto, like soil rotting around a tree root.
She saw herself applying mascara.
At some point, the crack in her phone screen had gotten worse. She only just noticed as she took it out to check her messages. The last message had been from Russel, forwarding the names and numbers of various therapists. She wondered if she could invite them all round at once. Though perhaps interventions were less effective when it populated solely by people you'd never met before.
The pills were existing. She saw them move around the house, but never being hidden. In one less lucid moment, she checked to see if it had been opened. It had. She dared not open further to investigate how many had been taken. It wasn't for her to know. It was for her to do.
But she needed people. She wanted people. It was people she was trying to help, who could help her. And as she lost herself on the dance floor of the 4th club that night, a lucid adrenaline keeping her upright, a detached thought occurred that she might just be stumbling into her new normal. Her new home.
Noodle didn't know how Murdoc and 2D did it.
She looked over at the gentlemen sleeping soundly in her bed. Whatshisname, she had assigned him, any memory of an actual name escaping her. The W did ring a bell actually, she thought. Walter, perhaps.
Caught between the irritation of sleeping next to a stranger and a bare-bones politeness of not waking him up to throw him out, Noodle swung out of bed and stood, feeling an immediate chill.
Tiptoeing as to not wake up Whatshisname, maybe Waylon, she threw on a vest and underwear and headed to her bathroom to inspect herself.
The fluorescent light hit her judgementally as she turned the light on. There was no hangover feeling yet, indicating she hadn't slept long. Noodle interrogated herself in the mirror, getting close enough so she was just inches away from her own nose. Her makeup from the night before remained, somewhat more smudged and unkept now.
"Thought you were real particular at getting makeup off before going sleep."
Noodle yelped in shock and spun round to face 2D.
"Jesus, D!" She yelled, then stopped as she heard a cough from the bedroom.
They both looked at the door as Whatshisname gave a sigh. Then a snore.
Noodle returned her attention to 2D, half hunched over in an attempt at modesty. "Do you mind? Now of all times?" She whispered irritably.
"Calm down, Sigourney Weaver" He said, making no effort to quieten his own speaking, "We've all seen everything there is to see of each other. Like that time I got back from that night out in Cardiff and passed out in the bath completely starkers? You and Russ was in there brushing your teeth when I came to."
"Yes, but the difference is that those times weren't…post…shag." She hissed, annoyed at herself for her own embarrassment.
"Oh, nice one! Bloke or bird?" He chirped, heading to the door to indicate he'd find the answer out for himself.
"No no no no" she tried, but 2D weaved out of her outstretched arms and opened a crack. He peered through voyeuristically at Whatshisname, who had returned to sleeping soundly. Sighing, Noodle opened the door a bit wider to join in the leering.
"Seems alright." 2D stated, slightly underwhelmed by the man's regularity. "What's his name?"
"W…" Noodle started, then trailed off.
2D looked at her. Her frown gave away her unsureness and he grinned in delight, letting a few dumb giggles emerge as accompaniment.
"That's bad, Noods."
"Wuuuhhhh-Will. It's Will."
"Mhmm."
"No, Wayne! Wayne, definitely."
"Wayne?" 2D pulled a face and looked back out to him. "Don't stop, Wayne." He muttered.
"I am genuinely begging you to shut up."
"Well as long as he's nice to ya." 2D said with a shrug.
"I think he said he's engaged." Noodle replied, rubbing her arm trepidatiously. 2D snapped his head back in her direction, eyes wide. "Don't, ok?" She warned, trying to prevent any parental life-lessons at this time of night and in this state of half-dress.
Instead, he thought for a moment. "Did I ever tell you about the time I brought two married girls home? Married to each other, like."
"You didn't, which is shocking frankly, because it sounds like the kind of thing I'd love hearing about." It was often a risk using sarcasm when talking to 2D, and in her annoyance she had forgotten to avoid using it.
"You would, actually. Turns out they'd been fighting over what to use their spare room for. The scary one wanted an aquarium and the ginger one wanted a library."
"What did the sporty one want?"
2D frowned at her, not understanding the joke in the slightest. "Never mind, keep going."
"I think they were wanting me to help blow off steam or something, but they kept arguing and I just ended up being a… what's it called… a diplomat, finding the middle ground and all that. When I said it should be a library of only books about fish they kicked me out! Of my room!"
A grin began to emerge through Noodle's irritation.
"I had to sleep in the hallway on the floor cuz it was around the time Russ had auctioned off half our stuff for Children in Need."
"That was a little mean of them."
"Think it was what they needed. I still get cards from them at Christmas."
The bathroom vent hummed idly as 2D looked back at Wayne.
"Guess you're heading back then." He said.
Noodle began to nod, then stopped, thinking.
"I don't want you to get hit by a car tonight." She told him firmly.
"With lines like that, can see how you snagged him."
"Will you stay with me until I wake up?"
He smiled at her.
"That's been the plan since the start."
They crept back into Noodle's room, 2D getting a closer look at Wayne while Noodle found less glamorous, but far more comfortable sleepwear.
"You first" She said, gesturing for him to get in.
"What, next to him?" 2D pondered, an eyebrow raised.
"Calm down, Freddie Mercury" She said in a mockingly dopey tone, "This isn't even real and I don't want to be next to him."
"Alright, crikey." He shuffled next to Wayne and lay down on his back. Wayne hummed dreamily and put his head on 2D's shoulder.
"He smells alright, to be fair." He whispered to her.
Now donned in shorts and one of his comically oversized t-shirts, Noodle slinked into 2D's other side, a hand resting on his free shoulder.
They lay for a while, three sets of breathing struggling to keep a beat.
"So Russ left." 2D threw out, as if it was small talk.
She propped herself up to look properly at him. Had he seen the whole thing and not been able to intervene, like in Deborah's office, and the night on the street? He'd been visiting her for almost a month, and he still seemed none the wiser to the extent of his ability to communicate. Never mind how little she knew about it either.
Another explanation was she told him at some point and forgotten. It had been at least a couple days for sure since Russel had gone, maybe longer. And when he was her only company, deciphering what was a waking world and what was a dreaming world all felt like an unnecessary expenditure.
She wondered if he'd mention the sleeping pills. That, in particular, he'd be in no position to judge her on. Not that he's let that stop him before.
"Yeah. He did." She chose to say simply.
"Can't say I was stoked about it." 2D huffed. "But he's gotta do what's best for him, I suppose. He cares about you a lot."
"I know." She gasped softly as she was reminded of something. "He says he loves and misses you, by the way. Dunno if you heard it."
"He's the best. He's just not great at not knowing the answers to things. Freaks him out."
"You're good at that." She said, settling down and kneading her head into his arm, finding a comfortable spot.
"I love not knowing things. You get left out of all the difficult decisions, people feel helpful when they tell you stuff, and it leaves room in the brain for all the creative bits."
"Makes a lot of sense." Noodle mumbled absently. It was becoming difficult to maintain attention as a content sleepiness began to roll over her.
"The downside is when you do know things, nobody believes it. Or if you don't know something, but nobody else does either. It's annoying then."
"Mhmm."
"So," He said with a yawn, "'till someone that knows better tells me I shouldn't be here no more, I'll just stay. You never know, eh?"
A long, warm exhale that settled on his arm was the chosen response.
Moments passed and 2D began to feel his eyes giving way, until he heard one more mumble by his side.
"Say more things, Toochi. Tell dumb stories. I like them."
He hummed thoughtfully. "Think I've said a lot of the good ones. Let me think."
"2 minutes, Noodle."
Noodle nodded brightly at the young runner, who trotted off to speak with one of the grips as he hoisted lights via a pully system onto the floating island. Out of curiosity, Noodle had checked with the grip beforehand whether he knew it was unlikely he was getting those lights back. He informed her that nothing uninsured was going on the island.
"Even me?" She had joked. He'd missed it and told her to check with the AD on that. Film crews were far too busy to entertain the mildly bored talent.
On either side of her, 2D and Russel stood and watched Murdoc in the distance as he frantically discussed something with Jamie. The two had been practically joined at the hip for weeks, conceiving much of the video's narrative between themselves, deeming it the most appropriate ending for the album's themes and motif's. The others hadn't necessarily disagreed, plus it was the hardest Murdoc had worked in a productive sense, so they had been mostly left to it. That wasn't to say hadn't been any reservations.
"I just don't think sequels are ever as good as the original." 2D muttered, free enough from Mudroc's earshot to bring his main point back up safely.
"What about Terminator 2?" Russel challenged.
2D shrugged. "Eh."
"You're just annoyed you're not doing anything in this one." Noodle grinned.
He looked at her and stuck out a tongue. "They just couldn't meet my pay demands."
She snorted.
"Oi, Russ!" Murdoc called across the clearing. "Come be the deciding vote for this copter shot, yeah? Hewlett's thinking he's the next John Landis or something."
"Who's that?" Noodle asked. 2D shook his head.
"I'll be right back." Russel sighed and headed to the pair.
Noodle followed 2D's gaze up to the windmill. His arms were folded and she instinctively did the same.
"You nervous?" He asked casually.
"Not really. You?"
There were little details in the way he nibbled at the corner of his bottom lip, the way his thumb scratched at his folded arm, that suggested he was.
"Nah. You're not daft. If I was going up there, alright, maybe we'd be saying a proper goodbye, just in case."
"Good thing that's not necessary." She agreed.
And it wasn't. A proper goodbye implied forever. She was probably only going to be gone a year or so, and the plan was to break the news to 2D and Russel much sooner than that. There was still part of her that wanted to tell them now. Noodle had understood Murdoc's reasoning that they couldn't know before the big day; 2D had a habit of letting unwanted details slip out in interviews, and Russel would unintentionally make her feel guilty for tricking the public, if only for a little while. Now everything was in motion, there was no going back. And the only reason she was hesitant to tell them is the worry they'd succeed in convincing her to stay.
"I'm thinking we all hit the arcades after this, Clacton's got some wicked ones. I still need to show you the trick to winning the claw machine."
"Is the trick, 'being willing to spend 30 pounds on it'?"
"I'll have you know, you can start appealing to the manager's better nature around the 10 quid mark."
He was distracting himself. There was anxious bobbing in his feet as he eyed the windmill warily.
Noodle had no intention of leaving on a sour note. But causing him to believe she was dead, AND dashing his rather sweet plans for the evening felt a step too far. She'd have to nip it in the bud beforehand.
"I think Murdoc and Russel will think it a little childish." She reasoned. "Plus, we've been going non-stop for almost two years, we'll be too exhausted to be any fun."
"Russ likes it when we all get on. Remember when we saw Son of the Mask and spent the whole time yelling at the screen? Russ spent half the time telling us to shut up and the other half giggling like a schoolgirl."
Calm enough to release his grip around his arms, 2D took out and lit a cigarette.
"And, the one I got in mind has an offy across the road, so Muds will be too off his nut to resist joining in." He smiled devilishly at her, exhaling smoke through his missing tooth.
Noodle waved away the smoke and looked at him. It wasn't this she was trying to get away from, she had to remind herself. She wasn't getting away from anything. She was getting away to somewhere. She'd had enough of telling people to be afraid of the world, especially when she hadn't seen enough of it for herself. She still had no idea if the band was as close as she was going to get to fitting in. Who were the people she would fit in with? She had a power, for sure, but still so little control. Her entire life up to this point had consisted of being thrown in various directions, some working out, some not. Russel, 2D, Murdoc especially, had entire lives and made choices for themselves, not just the band, every day. And she couldn't return until she was sure she had made choices as well.
"Noodle?"
The runner had returned with a bottle of water, quite out of breath.
"They're ready for you."
Noodle took the water and looked back up at the windmill. The crew were lowering themselves down via the same pulley. Across the land, Russel was nodding as Murdoc and Jamie seemed locked in an evenly matched battle of who could slap the others back the hardest.
2D bowed slightly and held a hand out in the direction of the island. "Time for your close-up." He said, battling through his usual squark to put on the poshest voice he could muster.
The urge to back out was growing stronger by the second. It was quite literally now or never.
Checking quickly to see Russel wasn't looking, Noodle snatched the cigarette from his mouth and took a long drag. Before he could respond, she tucked it between his fingers and jogged to a nearby rope tethering the island to the ground.
She looked back at him. His over-the-top face of shock and outrage was decidedly unserious.
"I hear all the famous teens are doing it these days!" She called to him, hooking her arms and legs around the rope and beginning to shimmy up it.
"Hang on, so are we doing Clacton?"
She looked away to sigh privately. When she turned back, his hands were together, thumb-wrestling each other as he looked up, concerned.
His eyes looked enormous from this angle.
"Ok." She said with a forced enthusiasm she hoped would be enough to last a year. "Sounds good."