Chapter 22
Uijeongbu Korea; February 21st,1952
"Last call for coffee before it hardens." Colonel Potter said tiredly, bringing the pot over to where they were all slumped in exhaustion.
"Thank you Geeves. Just pour it on a hot towel and apply it directly to my face." Hawkeye groaned from his spot half lying on the table.
"How long were we in there Radar?" Colonel Potter asked, taking a seat on the bench next to Charles.
"Seven hours and 41 men sir." Radar answered.
"12 of whom I will operate on again and again in my dreams…." Charles murmured.
"You think we got troubles?" B.J. said, "Peg burned a batch of strawberry jam, ruined the stove. Rotten war…." He was deep in a letter from home.
"You know I never got the appeal of strawberry jam." Ellie Marie said, "it gets all the good press but raspberry is far superior."
"I was always an apple butter man myself." Hawkeye said.
"My mom makes jam all the time." Radar said, "she puts stuff in it so it won't burn."
"Find out what she does. I'll write Peg."
"Please phone….I cannot bear the suspense." Charles said sarcastically, and Ellie Marie gave him an elbow in the ribs.
"Mildred's a whiz at preserves." The Colonel added, "She puts up a kumquat-huckleberry combo that's so delicious it makes you wish you were a slice of bread."
"Now that's an unholy union you don't see everyday." Ellie Marie muttered, and Charles chuckled appreciatively.
"Maybe you could get Mrs. Potter to send me the recipe." B.J. said, "Peg could use all the help she can get."
"Here make it simple." Colonel Potter said, grabbing a napkin and scribbling on it, "Have Peg write Mildred direct."
"She can write my Mom too." Radar offered.
"Now we're cooking!" B.J. said excitedly.
———-
"You know, I know Lois Lane fancies herself the most go getter reporter at the Daily Planet, but she'd save Superman a whole lot of trouble if she'd just think things through every once in awhile." Ellie Marie said, as she flipped the page of the comic book.
"Yeah, but then they wouldn't have stuff to write about." Radar pointed out.
She was sitting next to him on his bed reading the newest shipment of comics he'd gotten from home. It was something they'd done often together when she'd first gotten to camp, but lately with how crazy things had gotten, they'd done it less and less. Now especially, with the change in their dynamic with her and Klinger's relationship, she wanted to make sure Radar still knew how much he meant to her.
"Kinda crazy to think about B.J.'s wife writing letters to your Mom, huh?" Ellie Marie said.
"Yeah." He replied, "It's nice though, ya know. Like all you guys kinda feel like my family too now, so thinking about my at home family talking to my here family's at home family feels special."
"Yeah. I totally get that." Ellie Marie said with a smile. He went back to his comic book.
"Hey Radar you know we're definitely going to come visit you once we're all home right?" She asked, "Max and I, I mean. I can't wait to meet your Mom and your Uncle Ed, and see everything on your farm."
"You will?" He said, "Oh gosh that'd be really swell. I know you're gonna love it. Well I mean you will, can you imagine Klinger on a farm? He probably won't know which end of a cow is up!" Ellie Marie laughed.
"Radar I will pay you to make him milk one." She said giggling.
"I mean…can you imagine?" Radar said, laughing along with her.
Suddenly the doors to the office burst open, and B.J came running in excitedly.
"Guys! I just had the most amazing idea!" He said, sitting down next to them, "you remember how this morning we were talking about Peg writing Mildred and your Mom Radar? Well the idea of it got me so all fire excited. Thinking about them being in contact. So I thought, why not do it with all our families? Let's plan a big dinner, somewhere like New York! We'll rent out a fancy banquet hall. Have pictures of all of us, and let them all dance the night away and swap stories! All we have to do is write them letters and see if they're interested and we can get this thing off the ground!"
The phone rang.
"Hold that thought Captain sir," Radar said, he answered the phone, "Hello, 4077th. What?" His eyes got huge, "Oh geez. Right! I'm on it. Thanks!" He hung up the phone and turned back to them.
"Gonna have to wait on your plan sir. That was H.Q. the Chinese are ten miles from here mounting a counter offensive. We're buggin out!" He gripped the microphone and clicked on the P.A.
"Attention! All personnel! The Chinese are pushing back the front line. We're buggin out folks!"
——
"Ginger, make sure all the patients have at least one extra blanket! We're going to be on the road for a few hours!" Ellie Marie called as she hopped off the bus headed back toward the lab. As she got to the main building she saw Klinger rounding the corner grumbling to himself.
"Everything alright love?" She asked.
"Yeah…I just gotta go find enough ice to keep the blood cold. I swear the Colonel just expects me to come up with this stuff from thin air."
"It's hard work being the camp genie isn't it?" She teased.
"You know…that's a little racist. But it's also complimentary, so I'll allow it." He replied. "Hey did you hear about this crazy plan of B.J.s?"
"The family dinner thing? Yeah. I think it's sweet. I don't know how practical it is to pull together from all the way over here but the idea is nice."
"It is." Klinger agreed, "I tried to tell him I don't think my folks will be into it. But he's too excited to listen."
"You don't think they'd want to meet everyone?" She asked.
"It's just they don't speak English you know? So they'd be kinda lost."
"Couldn't your sister or your uncle come too?"
"Ivette is so pregnant she's about to pop, so she ain't traveling anywhere. I thought about Uncle Abdul….but I dunno…"
"Captain Lennox, we need help with the Post Op supplies!" Margaret called.
"We'll talk about it later." Ellie Marie said, "see you at base camp. Love you."
"Love you too gorgeous."
"You need to keep his spine immobile." B.J. was saying as they loaded one of his patients onto the bus, "One good bump on the road and it's bye bye backbone."
"Beej what if you strap him to the backboard and then sling it like a hammock with those ropes." Ellie Marie suggested. "He'll sway but at least he won't bounce."
"Yeah….nice thinking Ellie. With any luck he'll only get car sick."
It took them almost four hours to reach their new camp location, which was barely more than a mud track in the middle of a canyon. When they got there they were all exhausted, but they had to go about the task of getting the camp re-set up.
"Radar get some more lanterns on this path!" The Colonel barked, "we've got enough broken bones around here!"
"Ok take him inside." B.J. said to the corpsmen as they unhooked his spinal patient from his rig, B.J. Sighed, "No leg reflex. His cord may have been damaged."
"You had to move him Beej, there was no choice." Hawkeye said gently.
"At least he's still alive." Ellie Marie pointed out, "if it weren't for you, he'd be dead."
"Yeah some good I did him." B.J. muttered, stepping out of the bus.
———-
"Can we circle back to the family party thing?" Ellie Marie asked.
It was several hours later and once they'd gotten the wounded settled and the camp set up she and Klinger had retreated to their new supply tent for some much needed alone time.
"Why don't you want to ask your parents? The worst thing they could say is that they don't want to, and have you considered the fact that if my parents go, and so do yours, it will be the first time our families get to meet. It'd be kinda nice for them to get to know each other a little before we come back all ready to make them one big happy family." Klinger sighed and wrapped his arms more tightly around her, kissing the top of her head.
"You know you make me feel like a real bum for not being more excited about it." He said. She lifted her head from where it was resting against his chest to look at him.
"I don't mean to." She said, "I just wanna understand where your heads at love."
He gave her a lingering look, and she could tell he was wrestling with something.
"So…there's something I never told you. Never told anybody actually." He said, "My Mom doesn't know I'm in Korea. I told her the Army stationed me at Fort Dix. I didn't want her to worry."
"And nobody ever told her any different?" Ellie Marie asked in surprise.
"I got the rest of my family in on it. She doesn't speak English, remember? I was stationed at Fort Dix for a month before I shipped out so I took a whole bunch of pictures that I send to her every month. If she were to go to some dinner and see pictures of me in Korea? It would break her heart."
"Max…." She sat up and kissed him, "That is the craziest sweetest thing I have ever heard. You're a good son."
"So now you know why I can't invite them." He said, "I would love for my folks to meet yours baby, but I can't risk it at something like that."
"Well….now hear me out. Maybe we could make it work. We'd just have to get everyone in on it. Make sure none of the pictures we send have anything in them that would indicate where exactly we are, and warn our relatives not to say the word Korea around your Mom. We live on an army compound right? I'm betting your Mom has never been to Fort Dix, so how's she going to know the difference?"
"Hey…." Klinger said, sitting up and smiling at her, "Hey! That might actually work! Let's talk with B.J.!"
"Tomorrow." Ellie Marie said, kissing him again, "Tonight you're all mine."
———-
The next morning Ellie Marie made her way down to where the mess tent area was set up, currently still outside. She took a seat next to Hawkeye.
"Lovely weather for a picnic isn't it?" She said, pulling her coat tighter around her shoulders.
"Oh yes, a good solid milk popsicle is exactly how I like to start my day." Hawkeye replied.
Father Mulcahy came and sat down opposite them.
"Father, what do you think of purgatory so far?" Hawkeye asked.
"I don't know about us….but these eggs have certainly been through hell…" He muttered. "Ah….good Morning Majors, Colonel." Margaret, Charles, and Colonel Potter had joined them taking open seats around the table.
"Morning Father." Margaret said.
"The wounded doing alright this morning Margaret?" Colonel Potter asked.
"Yes they're fine Colonel, except for Captain Hunnicutt's patient." Margaret responded.
"Yeah I had Radar call Tokyo." He responded, "The neurosurgeon will be waiting for him at the 121st as soon as we can get him there."
"Alright pilgrims." Hawkeye said, leaning in "I was wondering if we might have a brief town meeting."
"What kind of meeting?" Colonel Potter asked.
"I'll handle this. you just take the minutes." Hawkeye said, "Uh care to join us Captain Standoffish?" He called over his shoulder to where Klinger was working over an open air grill.
"Ok but make it fast sir." He said, sliding onto the bench next to Ellie Marie, " I'm working on a barbecue for lunch; rack of spam."
"With fly à la mode for dessert." Charles muttered.
"Don't listen to him you beautiful man…." Ellie Marie said, "it sounds delicious."
"You two were made for each other…." Charles said with an eye roll.
"Alright back to the topic at hand." Hawkeye said, "B.J. Is sitting in his spacious new quarters with a depression that goes right through to the floor."
"We'll ship his spinal case out tomorrow. That's the best we can do." Margaret said.
"That's only half his problem."
"Oh not that ridiculous party again." Charles said.
"Spoken like a true weak link Charles." Hawkeye snapped back.
"Now look folks. This party is very important to B.J. He's already got a patient who can't feel anything. He doesn't need friends who can't feel either! Look, I brought pencils and papers for everyone." He pulled them out of his bag.
"It's very easy. Let me show you." Hawkeye said, "Dear, Dad." He began to write.
————
Ch'ungch'ōng Korea; March 7th, 1952
"You know this place is really starting to take shape." Ellie said, as she walked down the path between the tents with Kelly. "It's not as convenient as our old camp to be sure, but it is kinda beautiful in its own way."
"Yeah…but you'd think after two weeks I'd stop getting turned around at night on my way to the latrine and ending up in the creek!" They both laughed.
"Hey Radar!" Ellie Marie said, as he scurried past, "Has the mail found us yet?"
"Yes actually! It just got here but Colonel Potter says we gotta wait and read it on the road." He answered.
"On the road? What's that mean?" Kelly asked.
"Oh no…..Radar please don't say it…." Ellie Marie groaned.
"Orders just came through! We're bugging out again! Time to head home!" He said.
Two hours later Ellie Marie was squished in the cab of one of the trucks between Klinger and Colonel Potter holding on for dear life. The ride back without critical patients was going much more quickly and treacherously than the ride there."
"Whoo hoo! Ride 'um cowboy!" The Colonel yelled as they hit a bump that lifted them from their seats.
"So what did Mildred say Colonel?" Ellie Marie asked, grabbing Klinger's shoulder as they hit a sharp turn.
"She couldn't be more tickled if she swallowed a feather duster. 'Ellie Whitsett's even making me a new dress, Sherm." He read, "I'm trading her banjo lessons for it.' Mildred picks a hell of a banjo."
"Oh yeah?" Klinger said with a grin.
"Say! She and Father Mulcahy's sister with the saxophone could get together and—of course I don't think Mildred knows any popular stuff. She plays mostly classical banjo. How bout you Klinger? You want me to read yours to you?"
"Nah…You wouldn't be able to, it's in Arabic. Let the pretty lady down front have a crack at it."
"Oh are you learning his native tongue Ellie?" The Colonel said, pulling out the letter, "Gotta say it sure is a pretty looking language."
"Yes sir I am, but I'm a lot better at speaking it than reading it." She replied.
"Go on baby, I believe in you." Klinger said, not taking his eyes from the road. "I'll read the details later, just tell me what their answer was."
"Well…." She said scanning the letter, "Oh my god….Max…..they said yes! THEY SAID YES! They're going!"
"Holy Toledo! Are you kidding me?" Klinger said, hitting a particularly bad bump as he took his eyes off the road to look at her.
"I'm not!" She said excitedly, "We…are so happy…no wait so thrilled." She struggled to read, "to meet….the ones who…have become so close….nope hang on…so….dear! dear to your heart my darling boy. Especially the family of the……..what's that word?" She held the paper in front of him.
"Treasured." He said.
"Right, Especially the family of the treasured one…you have….told us so much about." She finished, grinning at him. "Max they're going!"
l
"I can't believe it….." He said, shaking his head and beaming with excitement.
"Alright! Your turn Ellie!" The Colonel said, shoving her letter into her hands, "Klinger's folks have a treasured family they're waiting to meet, let's see if they're gonna show!" She ripped open the letter.
"It's from my Mom." She told them, and then began to read. "Hello sweet girl. As always, seeing your handwriting when I open the mailbox is the highlight of my day, and this letter is even more thrilling than most. Of course we would never miss a chance to meet the families of the people who are your whole world while you are so far away from us, and after reading all your stories about the zany, loveable, one of a kind young man who has actively stolen your heart we feel like we know him already. So it should come as no surprise to you that we are counting the days until we get to meet the wonderful people who made him the man he is today."
Ellie stopped reading and quickly brushed the tears from her eyes.
"Sorry…" She said sniffing slightly.
"Don't be, I'm right there with ya." Klinger said. She looked over and he was tearing up as well. "I'd kiss ya if I didn't think it might put us in a ditch."
"Eh…we can risk it." Colonel Potter said with a smirk, "Go ahead and kiss 'er son."
Klinger leaned over and kissed her quickly and they all gasped and laughed as the truck gave a wobble.
When they reached the camp an hour later they launched themselves out of the truck and met up with everyone else in the middle of the compound.
"Well?" B.J. said, looking around at them. Everyone smiled back at him excitedly. He spun around looking at each face and his grin grew wider and wider… "No….." He said, "All of them??" Everyone around the group nodded and they gave a huge whoop of excitement and piled into a group hug, laughing and shouting.
———-
"Alright we have a plan!" B.J. said the next day, as they all sat around in the mess tent. "Everyone included the date we decided on, right?" April 8th?"
"Hey sorry I'm late!" Radar said running through the door, "But Captain Hunnicutt sir the 121st evac just called! Dr. Monroe up there just operated on your patient!" B.J. jumped up.
"Is he alright??"
"He's better than alright, he's terrific!! Dr. Monroe said in a couple months he should be able to feel the fuzz on the picture of a peach!"
'"Wha-hoo!!!" B.J. yelled, scooping him up and swinging him in a circle. They all cheered.
"So back to the issue at hand." He said still grinning from ear to ear, "April 8th are we all in?"
"As impossible as it seems, yes." Charles said, "my father wrote that he has informed the Board of Overseers at Harvard that he will not be in attendance at the monthly review due to a family matter. An act that has not happened thus far in my lifetime."
"Yeah, same with me! My mom has a cow entered in the county fair and she said she's gonna let my Aunt Annabelle take her so she and my Uncle Ed can come!" Radar said.
"My sister is skipping her convent basketball teams semi finals!" Father Mulcahy said.
"Wow….these people must really love us." Hawkeye said, and his voice was slightly quavering.
"Alright that settles it!" B.J. said, "In 15 minutes we meet out in front of the signpost. We'll take a picture that they can blow up as big as life. Everyone with a big cheesy grin, pointing towards home. Then on April 8th the people we love will get together for one gigantic hug!" They all whistled and cheered in agreement!
Klinger shot a look in Ellie Marie's direction and she nodded in understanding. As they all got up to leave she grabbed B.J. by the arm and pulled him back.
"Hey Beej, we gotta talk to you about something quick." She said.
"Sure what's up?" He asked.
"Captain, we gotta take that picture somewhere else. Anywhere but the sign post." Klinger said.
"What do you mean Klinger? The sign post shows our families how much we miss them, how far we are from where we really want to be." B.J. said.
"The problem is B.J." Ellie Marie explained, "His Mom doesn't know he's in Korea."
"What? How is that possible?"
"I told her I was stationed in Fort Dix." Klinger explained, "like I said she doesn't speak English. She only knows what the family tells her. I didn't want her to worry, she was waking up everyday thinking I was gonna die. So when I was at Fort Dix before I shipped out I took a whole bunch of pictures. You know….me at the Fort Dix motor pool, me peeling Fort Dix potatoes….and I send them to her every month."
"We were hoping to keep picture locations vague." Ellie Marie explained, "I know it's extra work for everyone else, but we really wanted Klinger's Mom to be there."
"Klinger…..I think we can figure this out." B.J. said with a smile.
"Ok new plan!" B.J. called as they walked outside, "We're gonna do individual shots of each person next to their city on the sign post as a personal gift for their loved ones and then we're going to our group picture under a sign that says Fort Dix!" B.J. explained.
"And…..why on God's green earth would we do that?" Charles asked.
"Cuz it's where my Mom thinks I am." Klinger said.
"Of course it is…." Charles muttered.
Hawkeye walked up beside Ellie Marie wearing an all white tuxedo with a red bow tie.
"That's what you're wearing for the picture?" She asked.
"Of course! You think I came all the way to Korea just to get my picture taken in an Army suit?"
———-
Uijeongbu Korea; April 15th, 1952
"Ellie, rib spreader." Hawkeye said, "Got a chest full of shrapnel here. How's that for a present from the Easter Bunny?"
"Sirs? Sirs…and everybody?" Radar said, walking into the O.R. with a mask over his face and a stack of letters in his hands, "I got a whole stack of letters and they're all on stationary from the Pierre Hotel!" They all cheered.
"Read one out loud!" Hawkeye said.
"Who first?" Radar asked.
"We owe this moment to B.J. why don't you read Peg's first?" Maragret said, "If that's ok with you B.J."
"That is so okay you wouldn't believe." B.J. replied.
"My darling." Radar began.
"We know you like him Radar, but read the letter." Hawkeye quipped.
"Oh come on…." Radar grumbled. before going back to the letter, "It's 4 in the morning and the party just broke up a few minutes ago. No one wanted it to end. We hugged and hung on to each other by the elevator for hours before we finally said goodnight. We love and miss you so much it felt as if we'd known one another all our lives. Everyone had the most wonderful time. You should have seen it darling it was so sweet. When Mr. and Mrs. Lennox arrived Mrs. Lennox was so excited to tell everyone she had been practicing how to say, "I'm so happy to finally meet you" in Arabic, for when she met Mrs. Klinger and when they did meet, she found out Mrs. Klinger had been doing the same in English!"
Everyone in the room laughed.
"That's my Mom for you." Ellie Marie said with a grin, and she winked at Klinger.
"From that point on the two of them were practically inseparable. It's beautiful to see that when two people love their children that much, no other language is needed. Tell Max and Ellie Marie they'd better be serious, because their mothers have already planned the wedding!"
More appreciative chuckling and a few cat calls.
"You hear that G? Sounds like you're stuck with me." Klinger teased.
"Wouldn't have it any other way Freddie." She responded.
"Mr. And Mrs Winchester were the hit of the party!" Radar read on, "We all cleared the dance floor when they danced the Charleston with Radar's mother and Uncle Ed! In fact the Winchesters were so taken with the O'Reily's that they invited Radar and his family to visit them at their house on the Cape the first summer he gets home from Korea. Holy cow!!"
Hawkeye had to lean on Ellie Marie for support because he was laughing so hard.
"Hunnicutt…..you are to blame for this….." Charles growled, glaring at B.J.
"Father Mulcahy's sister Angelica had the joint jumping with her saxophone." Radar continued, "Margaret Houlihan's mother and father had a wonderful time. They danced the whole evening together. Hawkeye's father took a real liking to Mrs. Potter. They danced all the waltzes together and even had a go at the Lindy once or twice!"
"Pierce….if your father is anything like you…we're gonna have to have a long, long, talk." Colonel Potter said, giving him a pointed look.
" I guess the most touching moment was when I saw Mrs. Klinger looking at the picture of all of you under the Fort Dix sign. There were tears in her eyes when she told me through her brother Abdul that you didn't have to bother. She'd known all along her son was in Korea."
Ellie Marie looked up sharply to where Klinger was standing. He was frozen in the middle of the room staring at Radar, who hadn't realized it yet.
"She said she didn't let on because she didn't want him to worry about her. So you'd better not tell Klinger." He looked up sharply, suddenly realizing what he'd done.
"Ooh gee I'm sorry! I guess I shouldn't have read that part!"
"It's ok kid…" Klinger said roughly, "Boy….I never could fool her on anything." He sniffed deeply.
"Corporal?" Ellie Marie said, swallowing hard around the lump in her throat.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"Love you too gorgeous."
"Hey Klinger." Hawkeye said, and Klinger looked up at him, "Welcome to Korea." He said with a wink, and Klinger grinned.
"Tomorrow we're all going to have lunch at the Automat. Oh wow! I always wanted to do that!" Radar read on, "And then to a Broadway musical and then Hey! Listen to this! The Hotel is treating us to a good-bye dinner! The matre d' says they'll be flowers on every table!"
——
"I gotta hand it to me. That was some idea I had." B.J. said happily the next morning at breakfast.
"I wonder if they'll give you the nobel prize for parties." Hawkeye quipped.
"I still can't get over how well everyone got along." Klinger said, "I read my letter last night, it was from my Dad. He told me Ellie's parents already invited them to Pennsylvania this summer! And that my Mom kept staring at me and Ellie in the group picture and calling her Kansas, which he figured out means she thinks she looks like Judy Garland. She told him if I mess this up I got a beating waiting for me when I get home."
"I like her already." Ellie Marie said with a smile.
"Umm excuse me sirs….and Ma'am." Radar said walking up to their table, "I just need to, uh talk to Major Winchester for a minute."
Charles looked up in surprise from where he had been quietly picking at a bowl of oatmeal at the end of their table.
"Is that ok with you Major?" Radar asked.
"Be brief and be gone." Charles answered flatly.
"Well um…I was just thinking." Radar said, sliding onto the bench across from him, "You know there's a lot of talk now about the peace talks, and you know.. if they should declare peace around May or June well, um that'd be my first summer after the war."
"And….?" Charles said nonplussed.
"Well, uh…maybe we should start planning about you and me and our families getting together at the Cape of Cod."
Ellie Marie was unable to contain her burst of laughter and buried her face in Klinger's shoulder to muffle it, but he was laughing as well.
"What?" Charles snapped.
"Absolutely!" Hawkeye said enthusiastically,"Radar, how many rooms will you need?"
"Oh well…" He looked uncertainly between Charles and Hawkeye before addressing the latter, "I think my mother should have her own room, but me and my Uncle Ed could share, or I could sleep on the couch or somethin'."
"Is there anything they could bring Charles?" B.J. asked.
"Extra blankets?" said Ellie Marie.
"Pots and pans?" Klinger added.
"Bathing suits of course." said B.J.
"Oh and towels. Do you have enough towels Charles?" Hawkeye asked.
"Oh sure! We could bring extra towels, that's no problem!" Radar said eagerly. Charles closed his eyes and sighed deeply.
"Bring…anything…you want." He said slowly, "Bring your goat if you like! It makes no difference to me because I shan't be there! I'm turning myself over to the Chinese!"