Izuku's P.O.V

His mum had repeatedly asked him if he was okay, if Katsuki had done something. Which okay he had but she clearly meant something bad.

"Why would he do anything?" He asked

"Well, your history... he has-"

"That's not what you think" he defended and the car screeched to a halt as she whipped her head to look at him.

"Not what I think?" She asked incredously "he abandoned you, tormented you and drove you to try to kill yourself"

"That wasn't it!" He yelled before leaning back and trying to calm himself "I mean... sure it was a part of it but he didn't do anything wrong. He didn't know... how could he?"

"Then he is an idiot! It was clear as day how you felt"

"He's not- he had his own issues to deal with. He couldn't see" he sighed heavily "I remember the day Mum, I remember the reasons running through my head even if the bit with him makes no sense now. But it was my life, I was just... a burden-"

"Because he made you feel that way" she snapped

"I felt like a burden long before Katsuki walked away" he finally admitted "dad left because of me... I didn't have a quirk, you're in debt because of me, I was failing All Might and I wouldn't take no for an answer with Katsuki..." he trailed off and looked at her with blurry eyes "you were so sad, because of me and I just-" he wiped at his eyes "there was a lot to factor in mum. And it's nobodies fault but my own. If I just spoke up... let someone help me. But I was too ashamed"

"Nothi-"

"Don't" he shook his head eyes pleading as he fought to control the tears "I understand now, that I wasn't helping myself by shutting you and my friends out. But I'm learning. And so is Katsuki" he finally said

"Is he?"

"He is" he was so certain of it. At the very least he was certain he was learning with Izuku. No matter how confused he was making him feel.

"I hope you're right" she said voice tight and trying to hold in her anger and tears.

"Me too. Otherwise I think I broke him" he whispered as she pulled away.

-

He lay in bed, staring at his open message tab to Shoto. His stomach was in knots and he felt sick, how was he supposed to tell the guy he is dating he gave his first kiss to the guy he gave up his feelings for? What did that mean he felt for Shoto? He had wanted to kiss Shoto a lot over the week, but it didn't seem Shoto was ready either. He didn't think he was ready! Why did he just so brazenly allow Katsuki to... he groaned jumping at the notification sound at full volume, and the bubble of Katsuki appear.

'I'm sorry for tonight' it read and he bit his lip.

He wasn't completely able to bring himself to regret it. He'd never- he'd never felt like that before. So overheated and excited to feel something. Even the way the heat below his belly ignited as the sounds forced their way out of him. Then he went and said that ridiculous line. His face heated up in embarrassment as he remembered his mouth speaking before he could collect himself. Did he even want that?

'It's okay. It was... enlightening' he replied and chewed his inner cheek nervously

'Good or bad?'

'Confusing' he admitted

'I don't want to confuse you. Or cause you more pain. I shouldn't have.'

'It was me too'

'Which confuses me'

Izuku sighed and got off his bed before pacing his room. He wanted to tell Shoto immediately, but over the phone felt wrong. And he didn't want to ruin their date on Sunday.

'And I am sorry for that too' the moment the message sent his phone began ringing. Shoto's awkward smiling face took up his screen. Taking a deep breath he answered it.

"Why are you so nervous?" He asked smoothly causing him to freeze in the middle of his room "pacing means you're anxious" he elaborated causing Izuku to spin to face his door and see an empty doorway.

"Can you see me?" He asked

"Well, sort of. Look outside" he chuckled and Izuku dove for his curtains and opened them, sure enough there was his almost boyfriend. And he wanted to hide away. Smiling tightly he waved and hung up leaving his phone on his bed.

Shoto sat on the picnic table, feet on the benches.

"Hey" he shrugged

"Hi" he smiled awkwardly "what are you doing here?" He asked

"Wanted to check on how tonight went" he said honestly "I was concerned with you and Katsuki being..." he trailed off frowning at his hands "I think its jealousy, actually. From what Ochako said anyway"

"Jealousy?" He would ask why if it clearly wasn't justified

"You two will always be... you two" he shrugged "and I don't know, I just had a feeling that..."

Izuku looked to his hands picking at his nails nervously, trying to compose himself before revealing how disgusting of a human being he was

"I see" Shoto spoke evenly "I am not surprised"

"It's- I didn't..." he sighed before he made some stupid excuse.

"We aren't officially together Izuku, don't make yourself feel so bad" he reassured him taking his hand to stop him picking at his nails more.

"No but it was still a horrible thing to do. I didn't plan it or anything but..."

"You still have feelings for him" he nodded

Did he? Did he have feelings for Katsuki? Or was he just swept up in the hot and unapproachable guy being interested? Or was he feeling guilty for hurting him so much? He didn't know.

"Honestly I'm not sure what it is" he told Shoto. But he liked Shoto, he liked his presence and the gestures of his care even if they're small, everyday things. He liked his eagerness to learn everything no matter how boring, his loyalty and dedication.

"I am so sorry Shoto" he whispered

"You've done nothing wrong Izuku, I'm dissapointed it wasn't me but..." his fingers came under Izuku's chin making him look up to him. Those dual eyes hard and determined "I'm not done if you still want to try, see if your feelings can develope for me"

"This isn't fair on you" he spoke quietly as the corner of his lips pulled down with the lump in his throat, the stinging in his eyes.

"That's for me to decide" he shrugged "and I decide I don't care"

Izuku felt his heart against his ribs and felt the corners of his mouth turn up before he nodded. He looked back to the house and contemplated how it would go with his Mum if he brought Shoto in.

"How are you here?" He asked turning quickly "you never go home, Aizawa..."

"He knows I can handle myself" he shrugged "plus your Mum kinda already told him I'd be here" he smirked

"Of course she did" Izuku sighed leaning against him.

"I don't have to stay" he said putting his arm over Izuku's shoulder

"I'd like it if you did" he admitted. Shoto had been spending nights in Izuku's room at the dorms anyway. He hadn't ever remembered feeling so at ease next to someone before. Or so warm. He put his arms slowly around Shoto's waist and smiled softly. He always moved slowly when touching him, it didnt matter that Shoto was comfortable touching him. He was still cautious about people touching him.

"You're incredible Shoto" he whispered

"I'm selfish" he argued "I want you to choose me"

Izuku frowned as he absorbed the words. Because if anyone was selfish here it was him. He was the one who kissed someone, he was the one who couldn't make a decision on his feelings. But he didn't want to lose Shoto either.

"I think you have us mixed up" he admitted

"I think after everything you've been through, you should be selfish and choose what you want. No matter how much it hurts someone else's feelings" he said running his hands through the green curls and it had Katsuki's words ringing through his head. He had basically said the same thing. He looked up to Shoto, and was amazed how different yet how alike they were.

"What?" He asked halting his movements in his hair.

"Nothing" he smiled imagining Shoto would appreciate the comparison as much as Kastsuki would. He sat up and lead Shoto into the house.

Waking up with Shoto was as nice as always and Izuku very gently snuggled in closer. It was warm and he felt safe, the first day it happened he hadn't realised he was still so tense. Compared to the way he felt waking up before the wipe, after he was still so anxious, and confused, unsure how he was supposed to act now. Then he woke up with Shoto and it was... just waking up rested and comforted with someone he trusted.

"Your phone has been going off" Shoto spoke softly and Izuku wasn't surprised he was already awake. He was always up before everyone else, and Izuku understood why. In fact as odd as it seemed only Izuku and Katsuki knew why. The fact it didn't change Katsuki's behaviour toward Shoto was either impressive or cruel. But Shoto appreciated it, he didn't want to be treated differently because of his trauma.

"One day I'll wake up before you" he whispered ignoring the comment about his phone, before lightly brushing his fingers over the scar

"When it's just us" he shrugged "maybe"

"You trust us, class 1A, right?" Izuku asked

"I do. Well a few of us. But that doesn't seem to matter. I even trust Bakugo" he added and that surprised Izuku

"Really?" He asked

"He would never attack someone unconcious. He'd never pretend to like you" he shrugged "does that make sense?"

"It does. But I'd really like it if you could get a full night's sleep for once. Waiting for everyone else to be asleep and waking up before anyone else isn't good for you"

He went to respond but Izuku's mother called

"Boys, breakfast!"

They both sighed and Izuku untangled himself from Shoto to get out the bed.

"You go wash up first" he smiled to Shoto who nodded and silently walked out the room. His phone went off again and looking at the screen he sighed.

"About time! Have you just woke up?" Katsuki growled down the phone

"Yes, are you okay?" He asked standing up

"Well, I was just checking you were okay. You stopped responding and I didn't want you spiralling or some shit"

"I'm okay. I was talking to Shoto... explaining" he almost whispered the end.

"You told him? Nevermind of course you did" he huffed "he take it okay?" He asked

"He was far more gracious about it than I deserved" Izuku admitted

"Izuku, is there any spare toothbrushes?" Shoto called walking back in

"Oh yes, in the cabinet under the sink"

"Thank you. Good morning Bakugo" he called softly and Izuku smirked at his retreating back.

"Fucker" Katsuki hissed "whats he doing there?" He asked

"My mum. Pulled some strings with Aizawa and he turned up after I got home"

"Right" Katsuki sounded tense as if he was speaking through clenched teeth "should we... talk?" He asked

"I think we said enough, I have plans today anyway" he figured he could have his date today after all.

"We didn't say anything" Katsuki argued

"Izuku! Breakfast!" His mum yelled with clear annoyance.

"I better go. See you soon Kacchan" he hung up and quickly went to wash up.

-

They walked hand in hand from the restaurant. Shoto didn't agree given it was one of those pub/restaurants but he had admitted it was fun. Izuku pulled him to the left chuckling lightly at the confused frown.

"There's a park here" he explained and tried to ignore the twinge of sadness at Shoto's deepening frown. The very idea he never knew the joy of a park was upsetting, not that he believed he could show him now. But he didn't want to go home yet, he knew his mum was taking Shoto back to U.A. And the sun not long set, it was still early.

"Aren't we too old for parks?" He asked

"Pretend we're those 'pesky delinquents loitering' where we shouldn't" he smiled walking backwards not letting go of Shoto's hands.

"Some heroes in training we are" Shoto replied flatly. Izuku let the laugh burst from him and still loved how Shoto jokes with a straight face. He'd smiled more than when they first met, and he picked up on sarcasm and responded fast with his own. If people from the outside saw they'd never understand he was trying to be funny.

"We're on a break" Izuku grinned letting his right hand reach behind him to push the gate open "besides, were civilians tonight, normal teenagers"

He made his way to the roundabout and lead them to sit on it. Shoto moved to lean back against the bar pulling Izuku onto his lap. He did that a lot, and Izuku found he liked being there.

"I don't think we will ever be normal" he answered putting his foot on the ground. Only to tense as the metal wheel moved. He didn't like that thought, but he was right. He may have OFA but he was quirkless, an anomaly in the world he was born into, and if it wasn't for a chance encounter... well he hates to think where he would be now. And Shoto was never going to be like anyone else, his father made sure of that and not just for him, but all of his family. But Izuku liked to think they were both healing.

"Maybe not in our youth. But when we're older and managed to distance ourselves from our trauma" Izuku supplied turning to face Shoto. Not caring he was straddling the older teen, and pleased it didn't seem to make him uncomfortable. He lifted his hand to cup Shoto's cheek running his hand over the uneven, warmer skin of his scar. "And i'll find someone who can take this away if you want" he offered gently. He didn't want to assume Shoto wanted it gone, he didn't want his scar taken away. Even now when he wasn't in love with the one who gave it him. He couldn't explain why.

"No" Shoto answered softly putting his hand over Izuku's "it's... it reminds me I am not him. And I know it causes my Mother pain and guilt when she sees me, but it kept her with us, with everything going on we needed her and I won't throw away the reason she didn't flee" he explained

Izuku felt his heart squeeze, Shoto had never talked about how it happened and Izuku had assumed it was his father.

"She immediately tried to fix it" he explained quickly "she'd had to deal with him for years... unable to help her children. She said I looked too much like him and she couldn't take it"

Izuku pressed his lips together trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"It wasn't her fault" Shoto finally said eyes hard and pleading with Izuku to understand. It hurt, and he felt the unfamiliar heat of rage and maybe even hate lash out inside him, he'd never hated anyone, but he hoped he was never, ever in the presence of Endeavour. But he couldn't understand how anyone, no matter how far pushed could hurt a child, let alone their own. So he lifted up on his knees slowly, very slowly pressed a soft, lingering kiss on Shoto's head, on the scar. Frowning at the way his body coiled underneath him.

"I believe you" he whispered because he did, he didn't have to understand to believe him. He didn't have to agree either. "Is she okay now?" He asked gently sitting back down

"She will never be okay. She won't leave him" Shoto scowled and Izuku nodded, that made sense. If what he understood about his Father, he probably would never let her. It would marr his perfect image.

"Maybe one day..." Izuku whispered, hopeful. But he wasn't sure, twenty plus years of abuse with a man striving for perfection at any cost was... a lot to try to pull free from.

Shoto didn't seem very convinced either.

"I wish I could do more" he added and was surprised by the way Shoto leant forward to bury his head in Izuku's neck, arms wrapping around his waist pulling him right up to him, making his back arch slightly.

"You're enough" Shoto whispered his breath causing Izuku to shiver "just being around you and your strength has... opened my eyes. I've felt so much, wanted so much more than I'd ever wanted before" he admitted

Izuku had to breathe slowly, trying to remain calm at the admission as his heart pounded in his ears. "I'd never wanted to be around people, to get involved... to hold someone" he added and slowly Izuku wrapped his arms around Shoto's shoulders. He was pleased to realise he didn't tense momentarily. Shoto had always initiated the contact, and even then for a moment when Izuku returned it he would tense before relaxing. It wasn't surprising and its why they taken things so slow. And the fact he only held him tighter made him feel honoured. Shoto trusted him more, believed he was in no danger from his contact, especially after such a vulnerable conversation.

"I think that's more to do with your own strength than mine" Izuku breathed out, keeping his voice a whisper in fear of breaking the moment "You're amazing, Shoto. After everything it would be perfectly understandable for you to cast everyone aside, to believe all people useless after so many failed you and your siblings. But you're so very compassionate, dispite your outward appearance. You genuinely want to be there for others, learn and listen to everything they have to tell you, no matter how little interest you have on the topic. It takes something special to have the strength to be around people after all you lived with" he was looking at him his usual stoic face soft "you charge through the confusion of 'normalcy' and its the bravest thing I've ever been blessed to witness"

He moved to brush his thumb along the scar again smiling up at the beautiful face. He'd never seen Shoto look dazed before, and it made him look so much younger, less burdened. Shoto leant forward placing his lips on Izuku's, who's eyes widened in surprise before leaning into it smiling against the warm, chapped lips. He didn't push, he'd let Shoto decide how far this would go. He pulled back to look down at Izuku, wary and measuring his reaction. Izuku remained relaxed, smiling softly.

"I..." Shoto trailed off looking confused

"Thank you" it was enough, and likely a big step for Shoto too. He looked dazed and likely didn't mean to do it, but that was fine with Izuku. Even if that was to have been his first kiss he would have been honoured, as he was right now, because it was Shoto's, and he was clearly in a lot of emotional turmoil, Izuku wasn't sure he was ever given the opportunity to work through things like this. So he was going to give it him.

"Can we stay a while?" He asked falling forward into Izuku's neck again, seeming a little drained.

"As long as you want" he nodded wrapping his arms around him again.