Unknown to the squad, the Shadow Hunters are watching their progress. Elemental was intrigued. "Well, gotta hand it to that X-Squad. They're savages, but they are determined."
"And tough!" Dourmind growled as she glared at Magnifico. "You sang while they grabbed the Shard?! Are you kidding me?!"
"Well, that song was good." Magnifico retorted, sheepishly.
"Alrighty then! Frank. What is the progress?" Kinga asked.
"Well, they have to land right here in Japan, where it turns out Duriel's shard is." Frank explained as he summoned a map, noting where the group will be landing. The sidekick points at the map as he explained. "Then, they have to go through the cave area..."
"Hmmm, I think it's time we give another distraction." Kronos said with a gleeful look.
Kronos snapped his fingers as some shark-like giant car appeared in the junkyard.
"Huh. I don't recognize that from any bad film that we sent the robots." Frank said, blinking his eyes. This is a new one right here.
Malicia looked confused, before smirking. "This may not be from any of the movies you had those Bots of yours see, but going after the squad ourselves IS a good diversion."
"Anyway, it happened in the previous area, why not here?" Dr. Erhardt asked with a smirk as he hopped in the car. "Oh, this is going to be fun!"
Just then, two other people appeared, one clad in green and yellow, the other in orange and black.
"Look at that dragon boy's face." the girl in orange and black chuckled.
"Let me be clear. This is a necessary means for our meeting to take place. Now he faces us!" The girl in green and yellow said. "The Fatal Fang Duo!"
"Really, Fatal Fang Duo? Only one of you looks like she's a snake!" Kronos snapped.
The girl in orange and black laughed. "DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME!"
"Us, you mean?" The girl in green and yellow remarked.
"Yeah, whatever. But we're gonna take the dragon kid down 'cause he pissed off a very rich man named Takashi Kaneko-" The girl in black and orange blabbed.
"LEOPARD!!" The girl in green and yellow snapped, desperately trying to cover her mouth. "Not now! We aren't supposed to disclose our client's identity at all, we're supposed to be professional! Sides, that guy got arrested after he put the hit out, mostly cause of some Yoshimaizer group."
"Wait, I wasn't gonna say anything, Viper!" Leopard remarked.
"We both know you get a little too excited, Leopard." Viper remarked.
"Seriously, I get too excited? I'm not the one FANGIRLING over our target before we got here, giggling like a school girl!" Leopard snapped.
"Leopard, THAT is a low blow, don't say that in front of people!" Viper snapped, blushing furiously. "How dare you bring that up, you...YOU LITTLE KITTY?!"
"HAH! HURTS, DOESN'T IT, LITTLE MISS SCALEY SKIN?!" Leopard snapped.
"Catnip addict!"
"Fork tongue!"
"LITTER BOX GIRL!"
"MISS DEEP THROAT!"
"FLEA RIDDEN PEST!"
"LAWN MOWER STATISTIC!"
"TUNA BREATH!"
"RAT EATER!"
"YOU EAT RATS TOO! IDIOT!"
"FANG FACE!"
"TIGER ENVY!"
"YOU GARDEN SNAKE!!"
"Calm down you two, let's not end this with blood." Megafin said, soothing the two down. "Besides, save your bloodlust for when we face the X-Squad."
"Now, for our own Angel to level the playing field." Kronos said. "My servant that exists somewhere in this vast universe, my divine, beautiful, wise, powerful servant, heed my call! I wish from the very bottom of my heart - add to my guidance and appear!" He chanted.
With a flash of light that seemed almost sickly and blue, a swirling green portal appeared before him, warping and unstable before it erupted into a burst of light and left an eminently familiar shape on the ground before him- a shock of red hair, a crimson plugsuit with a fairly questionable design in the chest area, and, strangely enough, an eyepatch of all things.
Watts stared at the unconscious form of Asuka before him and sighed, rubbing his forehead with a heavy groan of anguish. "Onos. I thought you said this would summon an Angel. This is a young girl. And I am not kissing a fourteen year old girl."
"Why? Not cute?" Birch remarked.
Watts facepalmed. "No. It's because of a host of other reasons related to suitable age, personal feelings, professionalism, not taking advantage of a comatose woman, and a desire not to be strung up by my entrails."
Wordlessly, Chance stepped forward and lifted the eyepatch. "We found it," she remarked.
The eye underneath was open, aware, and faintly glowing. The surrounding facial tissue was also infected with the same faintly glowing fungal matter.
Kronos made a face. "I suppose I'll kiss the goo, then, mostly cause I'm at least old enough not to get considered a creep." He sighed. "Pentagon of the Five Powers, yadda yadda yadda, Familiar."
He placed his lips on the eye.
With an ungodly shriek of agony, the blue goo rippled and erupted, Asuka herself writhing and shrieking herself as the barriers between souls twisted and warped, a core growing and replacing Asuka's eye entirely while fungal veins tore through her body and grew, wrapping around her body until she was engulfed in a mass of organic tissue that warped and shifted until it became a nearly two meter tall, fleshy, kind of disgusting looking approximation of a mix between Evangelion Unit-02 and Evangelion Unit-03 in that it mostly looked like Unit-02, but also had four arms and a sort of dark blue and white complexion.
"What… the FUCK is going on!?" came the voice of a young girl, possibly German-Japanese by the sound of it, made guttural and strange as the newly formed angelic… thing clutched its head and sank to its knees.
...
"No I don't want to be merged with a fucking Angel! This is disgusting!"
...
"... What do you mean I'd fucking die if you left!?"
...
"ARE YOU PARASITIZING ME YOU HORRIBLE OOZE BLOB!?"
...
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS BLOB! I THOUGHT ANGELS HAD INFINITE ENERGY! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED ME TO POWER YOUR CORE!?"
…
"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE AN ENTIRE SET OF ORGANS!?"
"..." Watts sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, watching as the fungal monstrosity receded back into itself until all that was left was the girl herself, yelling at her now blue fungus covered arm and almost on the verge of tearing her hair out.
"Bardiel, I presume?" Kronos asked lightly, torn between surprise at the former EVA pilot and amusement at the situation. "How are you enjoying your newfound free will from the Progenitor?"
"She says she hates it, and the name's Asuka Langley-Soryu, thank you very much!" Asuka deadpanned, then smacked herself in the face with her blue arm. "Ow! Fuck! Goddamn loser piece of shit angel! I'll kill you myself!"
"I can fucking talk on my own you know!" Bardiel erupted from Asuka's shoulder, taking on the shape of Evangelion Unit-03's head and speaking with an almost shrill, screeching voice. "...I just…had to figure out how, first."
"... Interesting," Watts murmured, staring unblinkingly as the core replacing Asuka's eye pulsed and the fungal mass shifted slightly. "... You are the strangest being I have seen, an interdimensional abomination capable of using mathematics I couldn't comprehend and resorts to plain vocalizations rather than high density data packets transmitted through your AT-Field."
Then, the Shadow Hunters heard Asuka laugh.
"Something funny?" Watts asked.
"Just that after all the mistakes Gendo made, the one that caused my whole world to fall apart was his wife dying," Asuka answered. "It's absurd the level of depravity that guy would sink to just to get his wife back."
"I'm guessing he can't handle grief well," Watts said with a smirk.
A loud rumble in the distance confirmed that an Atlas was nearly finished with its descent into the Junkheap Caverns. A few more seconds and the great crash would come.
"So... is this the afterlife?" Asuka asked.
"No, trust us, some parts of the Underworld don't get this much sunlight," Kronos remarked. "I guess fate saw it fit that you're not done getting tormented yet."
"Very well," Asuka said. "I have nothing left to live for. Do whatever you want to me."
"Well there's no sense in torturing the willing," Watts remarked, though he truly had no intentions of torturing a young girl in the first place. "I suppose we'll just have to make use of you for some extra muscle."
The Deadly Six were with them, planning their next stage of attack. One of them was ready to take the squad down.
"It would seem the peaceful days of tending my garden will have to wait while I take care of these matters the rest of you cannot." The small blue salamander-like dragon demon said.
"Please, Master Zik; this is not something you should trouble yourself with. It's beneath you." Zavok said, fearing for his master's life.
"Oh, now. Don't be concerned."
Master Zik threw his stick at Zazz and took the sandwich out of Zomom's hand before shoving it into Zazz's mouth.
"It will be good to stretch these old bones."
Meanwhile, back at Tristram, Deckard sighed as he put the Shard of Belial and Andariel next to the Shard of Diablo, "I think they should be safe here for now..."
Little did Deckard know that as soon as he turned his back, another portal opened up as a demonic shadowy hand grabbed the Shards, and replaced them with similar lookalikes. A demonic chuckle was heard as the portal closed up.
Meanwhile, the X-Squad were driving in Japan, rather recklessly.
"Pardon! Sorry! I recommend the chicken! The woman you're dating is already married and using you to two-time her husband!" Drakus said, as they crashed through numerous buildings before they crashed in a cathedral.
"So, what now?" Bangray asked.
Kaine took a smoking pipe out and blew bubbles from it. Bubble then flew up to him.
"Want some?" Kaine asked, offering the pipe to Bubble.
"Nah, thanks. I'm trying to quit." Bubble said.
"Ummmm, I think I'm going to see God again." Micha groaned as her head spun slowly before ragdolling onto the ground. Garie, meanwhile, was in the fetal position. "Is it over?"
"Huh...?" The bride in the cathedral asked, confused as this group literally crashed through the doors in an ice cream van unannounced.
Just then, the cathedral started to shake. A big spiked ball made of rock rolled in through the door. Upon uncurling itself, it revealed itself as a blue armadillo with yellow eyes and red sclerae.
Boulder Armadillo
Rollodillo
Mystle quickly dodged the charge from Rollodillo as he screeched to a halt and turned around, tackling Mystle as she had her arms out in front of her, where she slid a few feet while holding on to him.
"Come on… it's not us who dragged you here!" Roman said but Rollodillo pushed him hard enough that knocked him on his butt as it raised its entire body to attempt to trample the squad, but he quickly rolled out of the way, narrowly avoiding getting squished by him, as Mr. Puzzles tossed the bride onto Rollodillo's back.
"Huuuuuuuuh?!" The bride exclaimed, confused as the squad kept trying to avoid getting flattened.
"Look, if we can just talk this out and act like civilized people, we wouldn't have to fight each other!" Neo said, but Rollodillo didn't want to hear it. "Come on, communication saves lives! Work with me here!" She pleaded as Rollodillo charged at her, forcing Neo to dodge.
"That's my bride! Daddy!" The groom yelled, trying to get on top of the armadillo, only for it to curl up and roll away from the extremely suspect man.
"Papa will handle this! Give her back, you fiend!" The groom's father yelled, as some of the attendees chased after the armadillo, as it flattened the attendees, the groom, and his father.
It was clear to her that Rollodillo wasn't wanting to hear things, or be an accessory to an extremely suspicious marriage, where Neo let out a small sigh. "Alright, if I have to knock you out just so you can listen to me… so be it." Mystle said, summoning her Terror Claws. "Sorry about this, big guy." Rollodillo charged at her and tackled her, but Mystle rolled out of the way and looked at his furry butt as she rushed ahead and slashed at him from behind before Yang shot a fiery blast at him, as Rollodillo was sent flying onto his back, as the bride fell into Furina's hands, bridal style.
"Aww, it's so cute when not trying to squish us." Hibiki giggled, as Rollodillo glared at her, annoyed. "I guess we have a new pet."
"How interesting…it's adorable, fluffy and tough." Krell muttered.
"See, you're learning." Hibiki said, grinning.
"It horrifies me." Tamson remarked.
Eruka rolled her eyes. "Oh, lighten up, fish breath… assuming you know what "lighten up" means in your vocabulary."
"We can't have this abomination rolling around in the universe." Tamson said, as he aimed his blaster at it.
"Oh, don't be so harsh on the big guy," Kanade chastised. "He's probably nothing more than a big kid out here. Scared, in a new and terrifying environment, and hungry."
"You are not actually defending the thing that tried to turn us into mush." Tamson growled.
"He's just a little hangry. We all get like that." Kanade remarked.
Rollodillo angled its head to face Aria, a cheeky smirk on her lips. "You're not exactly the cutest monster in the world. I usually like my pets with fluffy tails, cute little cheeks, or nice fur that doesn't resemble rocks." She took a few paces, looking the beast up and down. "But I also like them strong. Strong enough to tear apart forests or leap across mountains or smash through an army. That's cute in its own way, don't you think?"
The beast cocked its head even further. It kind of understood… kind of.
"Now, we both did a little bit of meanness towards the other just now," Aria continued. "You tried to squish us, Yang burned your ass."
"Is this your way of negotiating?" Ruler blurted out, sweating like mad.
"But I think you and us, we can be friends, Rollodillo." Aria paused. "That… IS your name, right?"
The beast wiggled along the ground, its head swaying from side to side. A squeak escaped its mouths – an expression of surprise. They had managed to guess its name just fine, and without the need of some ancient, outdated occult manuscript.
"It's a very, very big omniverse out there, big fella," Aria said, tapping the creature's nose twice – she kind of regretted it. It was still pointy. It took all her willpower not to wince, instead feigning a smile. "I'm sure you want to explore it, just as much as we want to. See the sights, see people – presumably eat them. And I get that… sort of. It's nice to be free, isn't it? No one wants to be shackled or hunted or hurt."
"So, we'll be taking this bride with us onto the rock armadillo. Please don't ask any questions." Ruler said to the dazed attendees, dragging the bride into the van and lodging the van onto the rock armadillo, as it delicately shuffled out of there.
As the X-Squad kept holding onto Rollodillo, as the armadillo delicately walked across the streets, with Zack having taken the wheel, the bride looked at Ramiel confused. "Who're you?!"
"Okay so. To be completely blunt, we're idiots with some of us having a penchant for higher order mathematics, all of us having a penchant for mass destruction, and we all play off each other like a house on fire because apparently every time one of us does something stupid, half the rest of us join in because we think it'd be fun," Ramiel started, tenting her fingers. "We're also adding new members to it every now and then so if you wanna to join the family we're totally cool with that. Just so you know."
"Um, guys, someone's beside Rollodillo." Drakus said, looking at a man with a cow skull for a head clad in purple and black in a purple supercar slowly driving beside the armadillo. "So, who are you?"
"A deliveryman." The strange being said, grinning cheekily as he talked to a stopwatch-like device. "Serif here, with the bride on board, somewhat."
"Copy that. That Aori Family's on your tail." A chipper female voice said, as the X-Squad looked confused.
"As expected." Serif said, chuckling as the X-Squad quickly looked confused. "You've got quite the trouble falling for you. There's no need for you to be forced into marriage." the delivery man mused.
"Um, explain, please?" Kanade asked.
"My client is Mira's actual boyfriend." Serif explained, showing a photo of the man who hired Serif to do this job. "Today's job is to deliver her to the airport where he'll be waiting."
"Before you ask, this thing's name is Rollodillo. And he's on our side," said Aria, matter-of-factly. She cupped her hands around her mouth. "Say hi, big guy!"
Rollodillo's head creaked as it trained on the delivery man– even the hardened and stone-faced Krell, Tamson, and Banno recoiled at the creature's odd movements. The beast quite liked being called "big guy," so used and tired of being referred to as an 'it' – or, more often, nothing at all, as its victims merely screamed in terror, as he squeaked. Afterwards, he belched, and a mangled paw flopped out of his mouth, as he delicately threw it into the van.
Exzom looked at Mira, seeing that the girl seemed sad. "You don't seem happy about this, like, at all."
"Where'd you get that idea?" Mira said, still trying to process the fact that she probably got kidnapped.
"You don't like someone else taking the wheel, I bet." Serif added.
"Hey! I'm the one comforting her here, not you!" Exzom snapped.
"Mira, baby!" The squad heard the groom yell. "There's no escaping my love, honeybuns!"
Before anything else happened, the squad saw that the Aori family's cars were getting attacked by a giant watermelon, followed by a bunch of oranges, apples, and pineapples.
"Who's throwing fruit at them?!" Micha shouted.
"Hold on one moment, I'm taking out the trash, and no, I'm not talking about taking Micha on a date." Garie said, throwing a bomb out the window, as the doll quickly closed the door, as the squad heard an explosion, along with screams of people being burnt to death. "There, now, let's see about finding Duriel. And yes, you're both being forced to help us."
"I will make sure what is entrusted to me gets to its destination." Serif said, surprised at the fact that Garie probably murdered some people. "That's the kinda deliveryman I am. Lav!"
"I'll handle it. You'll get the shortest possible route." a girl clad in a black and white reaper outfit said, as she suddenly saw something on the screen in the underground garage.
"Whassup?" The robot clad in white red and blue, Bundorio, asked.
"This is..." Lavender said, realizing that this is going to be weird.
A huge shark car appeared behind the Rollodillo, an evil grin plastered on the front. The squad gasped in terror, as Rollodillo ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him.
"SHIT! IT'S A CAR VERSION OF FANG!!!!" Kenny screamed in terror, remembering the shark mutant from Total Drama: Revenge of the Island.
"Who?" Carmen, the VILE operatives and the robots asked, confused.
"Fang also appeared in JusSonic and Orange Ratchet's big hit, Total Drama Equestria. But this has nothing to do with Total Drama!" Jinkz added, somehow appearing out of thin air, before disappearing again.
"Try telling that other car that!" Riddler yelped in alarm, seeing a giant yellow sports car, with a face on it, beside the shark car, somehow gaining speed on Rollodillo.
"Yeah yeah yeah! Woo-hoo!" The riders, one resembling a decorated truck fused with a street punk, and the other resembling an Italian supercar mixed with a cat, were laughing maniacally at the carnage happening around them, as if they were enjoying the anarchy. "Let's get 'em! Wooo!"
"Hello, X-Squad." To the squad's surprise, they saw an old, short dragon demon holding a long stick standing on top of the car.
"So you must be part of the Deadly Six?" Krell asked him.
"Yes, and I am here to test you."
Strangling Growth
Master Zik
"Oh, so you want to test us, old man? Sorry to break it to you, but you're too fragile for us to take down." Mystle laughed.
"Don't underestimate your elders!"
"Also." Viper said patiently, as she stared at the yellow car beside them. "If you're done..."
"Blammo!" The car said, crashing into the Shadow Hunters' shark car with the intent to run them off the road.
"We're riding high on this planet!" The street punk/decorated truck monster said, his voice deep and bombastic. "So shove off!"
"First come, first serve!" The cat/Italian supercar monster added, her voice cheery and high pitched.
"They're gonna get served!" The car added.
"Wh-Wh-What the heck are they?!" Mira exclaimed.
"Those guys're chill once you get to know them." Drakus said. "Not sure about the other three though."
"Boonboom, are you seeing this?" Serif said.
"Yeah. No doubt about it." Bundorio said. "We've got Hashiriyans!"
"Hashiriyans..." Serif said. "Well, then...I guess they've made their way to Earth."
"Wait, Hashiriyans? What kinda crack you smoking, those car aliens are trying to kill us!" Drakus snapped.
"That veil. I want to get it moving! Decotorade!" the cat/Italian supercar monster exclaimed.
Handsome Sanseater
Decotorade
"You got it, Itasha. Since it's our first time on a new planet, let's fix it up real nice with a momentous piece of art!!" the street punk/decorated truck monster, Decotorade, said.
Peppy Sanseater
Itasha
"Hey, Yalcar?!"
"Oh, I'm gonna!" The sports car, Yaiyai Yalcar said.
Speedy Sanseater
Yaiyai Yalcar
"Hashiriyans?" Silver Banshee asked, staring at the sports car driving beside the Shadow Hunters. "Hey, is the planet you're from called Roadrage, and...is your species really called Hashiriyan?"
"You don't know anything about how we work, do you?" Itasha asked.
"A Hashiriyan is not a race in and of itself," Decotorade explained. "We are a type of Roadragian, but not a breed that is born or bred."
"A Hashiriyan is a Roadragian who drank Gyahsoline, the essence of Angels, beings from beyond the stars that comprehend things we don't understand fully, with Gyahsoline being their blood, and became corrupted as a result." Yalcar added. "Though corrupted is such an ugly word. We prefer to think of it as us being the ones who were brave and bold enough to embrace the power Gyahsoline gave us!"
"Ah, then that's you're here," Zik said with a grin. "The magic, or rather, blood, that made you three machines into these...Hashiriyans...might be connected to Blight Magic."
"Exactly!" Yalcar said.
Suddenly, Zik got out a gear-like device and Adaru's hologram appeared. "Lord Adaru, or, if you prefer your true name of Vanitas, we have some new recruits here."
Adaru chuckled, as his body flickered out, revealing a boy in red and black body armor and a rather youthful face, with jet black hair and bright amber eyes. As Drakus blushed as he saw how pretty Vanitas was, from his amber eyes, to his dark hair, to his confident smile.
"PRETTY BOY! PRETTY BOY! PRETTY BOY! THERE'S A PRETTY BOY, YOU GUYS!" Drakus yelled.
"Apollo, god of the Sun with his chiseled physique has nothing on him." Hera added.
"TAKE ME, SHADY MAN!" Taeko exclaimed.
David was biting his lips. "Write me songs like you do for one of your French girls."
Mera was just screaming.
"Holy mother of God, he's gorgeous!" Ryuko yelled.
"AAAH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" Lyre yelled, blushing deeply at how cute Vanitas was.
"Fuuuuuuck, where has this guy been all my life?" Ariel said, as Nushi facepalmed.
"Sorry, but call me sometime, dude!" Drakus said, pressing a button as Rollodillo flew off on tiny wings, as Serif pressed a button as his car flew after Rollodillo, with Mira screaming as she held onto Rollodillo for dear life, as the Shadow Hunters skidded to a halt as the Sanseaters tumbled around.
"Oh look, it's flying." A girl with green hair clad in pink, teal and blue said, seeing the car and Rollodillo flying across the city while eating a lollipop. "Must be Serif's customizations."
Back on the ground, an old man with a big beard was drinking from a bottle of scotch as he looked up to the sky. "Well, kid, looks like we're lost again..."
"Hey, Zapp! What's that in the distance," A teenage kid said, pointing towards some mysterious figures flying down...
The man, known as Zapp Rowsdower, squinted a bit as he said, "Seems to be a colorful cast of characters. Better get my gun, kid. This could be messy..."
Rollodillo soon landed safely beside Serif's car, as everyone tumbled out.
"Ugh!" Crow groaned as everyone got out of the van. "I felt like the Creature from the John Agar film!"
"We need a nap." William groaned.
Drakus soon took a look at his hair, which became an Afro due to the high speed. "Christ, now I feel like singing something from the 70s." Drakus said, humiliated.
Drakus soon sensed he was getting laughed at, and took out BlueBlaze, before opening fire. A familiar man came out, yelping, "Hey, what the hell?!"
"Hey, we come in speech!" A familiar boy exclaimed as he came out, waving his hands like an idiot (which he looks like).
"Oh, just a bearded guy and a kid." Drakus said with a shrug, putting his sword gun away.
"No, worse. It's Zapp Rowsdower and that kid whose name I don't know or care about." Crow sighed in annoyance.
"My name is Troy McGreggor." The boy said in concern.
"And we care why?" Krell asked
"Great, we're on our way across Japan and got blasted by some dragon boy." Zapp said in irritation, getting the group's notice.
"Say, you're going to the lost city?" Michael asked the duo, curiously. "What a coincidence. We're finding something here ourselves."
"We're making a little side trip." Serif said, as the group soon walked into a store, dazed and confused.
"I've bought out this store." Serif said, pulling out a credit card, as everyone looked at him shocked as to how he bought this entire store. "Change into whatever you'd like. The Hashiriyan have eyes for that dress."
"Dude, are you rich or something?!" Drakus asked, as he saw Mira shaking her head no.
"It'll be fine all the same." Serif said. "I'll be waiting outside."
"What's this side mission? Hurry with the delivery, we need to fund your plan to get Bundorio back to space, somehow!" Lavender said.
"I'm just enjoying the ride." Serif said.
Inside the store, the X-Squad was waiting for Mira to get dressed, when they heard Mira say something.
"I agree with you!" Mira yelled, as she saw the X-Squad was still waiting outside the door, when suddenly, a portal appeared and sucked the dress in.
Watts observed Japan from the top floor of a newly abandoned building and smirked. All in all, things were going according to plan, the Hashiriyans invading notwithstanding.
"This floor is secure," Asuka said as she approached Watts, her eyepatch back on her to cover the Core. "That evacuation order of yours seems to have worked in clearing the building."
"Perfect," Watts said with a grin. "And with the chaos happening, no one is going to think twice about what's going on over here."
Watts turned and gestured for the Shadow Hunters and Asuka to follow him as he walked over to the large fountain on the far side of the room. Watts tapped his rings, and the fountain shut off, a small dry walkway extended to the back of the fountain, and the sliding doors at the back of the fountain parted.
"You're doing to this place what Gendo did to my world," Asuka remarked.
"Not hardly," Watts answered as he stepped forward. "Gendo thought he was powering a delicate process involving multiple people juggling complex moving parts. When in reality, I would simply be preying upon some select people's myriad of demons until they took an entire world down with them through that Instrumentality process."
A firm fungal hand grabbed Watts by the shoulder and forcefully spun him around. Asuka's eye was practically burning with rage, and that both terrified Watts and reminded him of a smaller, female Ironwood, with more of a temper.
"DON'T blame me for what happened!" Asuka growled. "It wasn't MY FUCKING FAULT!"
Watts grabbed Asuka's wrist and removed the girl's hand from his shoulder.
"Well, technically it was," Watts replied. "You let the darkness in your heart consume you and turn you into one of the most deranged loons this NERV group of yours has ever seen. And you can't even admit that you enjoyed it. What an absolute waste."
"I'm not a sadist like all of you," Asuka replied. "I... tried SO hard to be the hero, and NO ONE was grateful!"
"Oh Asuka, ordinary people are meaningless," Kronos said. "In the long term, their gratitude is a valueless coin, yeah, useful in manipulation, but if we're going long-term, the common man's just junk. They don't appreciate greatness, and they're easily misled by the most obvious manipulation, I mean, look at the Alchemist Association, they only got so far because of that memory wipe spell. NERV never deserved your strength or your decisive tactics, just as that Ironwood dude never deserved Wattsy's genius. On some level, I know you realize that to be true, considering you probably have mommy issues and probably drove some Shinji dude to commit seppuku."
Asuka hung her head in shame as she realized that Kronos was right. But then she stopped herself. Why did she feel ashamed for what she'd done? She was only doing what was necessary for the good of the world. It wasn't her fault her mother couldn't figure that the doll she babbled to wasn't the real Asuka. Perhaps, at the end of the day, Kronos had the right to it. NERV was the ones who didn't deserve her and all her hard work. Who needed the ordinary masses? What the fuck did they matter? Maybe, just maybe, her strength had value for a purpose greater than simply being their shield.
"Now, enough of this chatter," Watts said as he proceeded into the lab. "We have an errand to run."
The Shadow Hunters entered a room where a portal generator laid, and the lights and computer systems came on automatically. Asuka, Decotorade, Itasha and Yalcar gave the room a cursory glance around, the Shadow Hunters were raiding what they could, while Watts simply went straight for the computer panel. Watts placed a thumb drive in the USB port and began to download a single file into the computer.
"What are you doing?" Asuka asked.
"This portal is a technological marvel," Watts answered. "With these specs, Lord Vanitas will be able to help his master rattle even more worlds singlehandedly. And... Ooh! This has an aesthetic that matches my aura. With a few modifications to integrate my Paladin protocol, it'll do nicely."
"If you'd presented this project to Gendo back in the day, he might've actually chosen it to be a way to fight back against Angels that didn't require EVAs," Asuka remarked.
Watts gasped at that remark and whirled around to glare at Asuka, only to find that she was...smiling?
"Was... was that supposed to be a JOKE?" Watts asked, not fully believing what he was hearing or seeing.
"You're too easy," Asuka teased.
Watts simply blinked, utterly in disbelief that this child, who was apparently a war vet (seriously, Huntsmen and Huntresses are literally in their early 20s when they graduate and head out to keep the peace, so why the hell is NERV literally dragging high schoolers into a war against interdimensional beings that break reality through sheer force of their soul?!), had made a joke. Watts was at least partially sure that Ironwood's only funny bone had been amputated long ago, and yet here his apparent reincarnation was, pushing Watts' buttons for fun. As a man who prided himself on his ability to verbally tear down any and everyone, Watts almost had to respect that. Almost.
"Well then," Watts huffed. "I had thought to take you out for ice cream after we got done here, but now I don't think you deserve any mint chocolate today."
Now it was Asuka's chance to be surprised. "You... you know my favorite ice cream flavor?"
"The man's a genius, young Soryu, he doesn't exactly forget things," Megafin argued. "It doesn't mean anything."
"Then what was Pietro's favorite flavor?" Cinder remarked.
"Whatever it was, he certainly had to have eaten an exorbitant amount given his waistline," Watts said with a sneer.
"See, you don't know it," Asuka said, grinning with a smug expression that was a little too close to being a mirror of his own for Watts' comfort.
Watts sighed and turned back to the computer. "I swear this kid's James, back from the dead to terrorize me." Watts muttered.
Asuka reached out a hand but pulled back timidly. "Dr. Watts... I..."
"You what, Soryu?" Watts asked without turning around.
Asuka sighed and glanced down at the floor. "I'm guessing your favorite is green apple shaved ice."
"So it is," Watts nodded and removed the thumb drive from the computer. "Now, I have a portal to switch on, and the X-Squad will come running."
Watts then pressed a final button. "Now, Charlotte, time for your desert."
Just then, a massive, serpent-like creature appeared, looming over them, before dashing out the store and deep into the city, with a robot resembling a wedding dress following it into the streets as Mira screamed in shock.
"Crap, the robot apocalypse has begun." Kanade said with a shrug, getting to the point. "How about a ride after him, Mr. Zapp Blower?"
"Rowsdower, and I don't pick up hitchhikers!" Zapp snaps in irritation to the group.
"You pick me up." Troy points out to Zapp, reminding his friend as to how he's helping him out.
Most of the group looks a bit awkward before saying, "That's sus."
"Not like that!"
"You mean 'not like that, eh?'" Tom joked, getting a laugh from Crow.
"Come on, pleeeease." Hibiki said, batting her eyelashes at Zapp, making him yelp. She is so cute...
"I...ugh...no...I..." Zapp said, groaning. He is trying to resist but the cuteness is breaking down his defenses.
"Pleeeeeease?"
"Oooooh. Okay."
"Yeah, alright!" Most of the group cheered, with Hibiki grinning in triumph.
"How did you do that?" Gypsy asked in amazement.
"Well, I am cute, it helps." Hibiki said, giving out a happy squee.
"Thanks for giving them a ride, Zapp." Troy said to his friend who sighed as he prepared to head off to his truck.
"Mind you, we got little room in the truck, so the freakshow will have to sit in the back." Zapp said sternly to the new riders, then groaned. "Damn it, I am getting soft..."
"Uh, he said "sit", right?" Kanade asked the others in concern, hoping that she heard right.
"Wedding... dress." the robot said, before proceeding to cause chaos and putting everyone in wedding dresses regardless of age or gender, as the serpent made the surrounding area into sweets. "Time for everyone to get married!"
On a ledge, the Shadow Hunters, Asuka and Sanseaters were laughing at the chaos, as they saw orange smoke be absorbed into the wedding dress bot and the serpent monster.
"Oh man! Here I thought you guys were a bunch of stiffs, turns out I was wrong!" Decotorade laughed. "Hey, Wedinlock! Make these folks keep on squealing. The cries of fear of these humans are just what we need, to fuel our turbo, as Gyahsoline!"
"Wait, why?" Asuka asked. "I thought this Gyahsoline stuff was the blood of Angels."
"You know how Lillith made mankind, well, their screams bleed the Gyahsoline, and we'll need a lot if we're gonna flush out this Duriel you speak of." Yalcar said.
"Starting today, this planet is Hashiriyan turf." Itasha said, smirking as she dropped a bunch of screws down as they turned into screw-themed monsters, as Fanglars, Feargulls, Clurkrahnnas, Elfwolves, Stooges, Wildclaws, Medicinals, Smashers, Scopers, Dough-Goos, Uchuhages, Soldier Heartless, Dragoon Nobodies, Scrapper Unversed, Beowolves, Zakennas, Uzainas, Kowainas, Hoshiinas, Nakewamekes, Desertrians, Negatones, Buffoons, Distains, Saiarks, Zetsuborgs, Yokubaaru, Nendos, Oshimaidas, Nottoreis, Epidems, Yaraneedas, Ubauzos, Ranborgs, Garugarus, Scorpbots, Zolders, Crimers, Cutmen, Dustlers, Machinemen, Spotmen, Tail Soldiers, Mechaclones, Hidrer Soldiers, Zolohs, Ungler Soldiers, Jimmers, Ular Soldiers, Batzler Soldiers, Grinam Soldiers, Putties, Tenga Warriors, Cotpotros, Dorodoros, Cogs, Chromites, Pirahnatrons, Craterites, Quantrons, Stingwingers, Swabbies, Tyrannodrones, Triptoids, Batlings, Cyclobots, Putrids, Kelzaks, Krybots, Hidiacs, Chillers, Lava Lizards, Rinshis, Marauders, Spitfangs, Zombatants, Treshers, Trenters, Vivix, Vigorx, Kudabots, Tronics, Hengemen, Valaks, Groonies, Indavers, Viroids, Marskmins, Plugins, Anonis, Sanagims, Droans, Ohneeders, Stormtroopers, B1-series battle droids, Tactical droids, Droidekas, Moth Drones, Hanbungers, Cyber Raptors, Links, Formica Pedes, Raydragoons, Rat Imagin, Fanghouls, Riotroopers, Darkroachis, Salis Worms, Byakkos, Masquerade Dopants, Kuzu Yummies, Ghouls, Plain Roidmudes, Leo Dustards, Gamma Commandos, Kurokage Troopers, Bugster Viruses, Elementary Inves, Guardian Bots, Kasshines, Dodo Magia Chicks, Shimis, Phistoids, Jyamaoto Riders and Bikrows appeared. "Here we go, Nutbolters!"
"Wow! You got them too?!" Arya asked, grinning eagerly as she summoned Numa Seika. "Alrighty Numa…you know what to do, find Duriel's shard, even if it means turning this city upside down!"
"As you wish…" Numa brought out his spear as the foot soldiers and Numa lunged at the civilians, causing mass destruction and chaos. "Soldiers, do not let up til we find the shard, and kill any who oppose!"
"Anyway, crushing them under the Fang Machine failed big time." Forester said sternly. "If this fails, send in the big guy."
"No, not the big guy, not the big guy!" Professor Bobo cries, whimpering like a little child. "Just one question."
"Who is the big guy?" The new recruits to Deadlight asked, a bit irritated, at the same time as Bobo.
"Well, lucky for us, before we went here, Brain Guy brought him into existence." Kinga remarked with laughter. "Oh yeah, if Manos was bad enough, this one is worse."
"That's my dress!" Mira yelled, as the X-Squad immediately got to work fighting off the mooks and Numa, as Serif stepped in.
"That thing's an Automonster, not sure about the other one." Serif said. "Is the dress that important?"
"Isn't it obvious?! It's an important keepsake from my grandmother!" Mira snapped.
"I see. I guess you didn't completely take your hands off the wheel, did you?" Serif realized. "Boonboom!"
"Got it! Defeat the Automonster and the dress should go back to normal!" Bundorio said. "I think."
"Then it's settled then. I'm taking him down, and getting your dress back." Serif said. "And don't worry, it's all on the house."
"Huh? On the what now?" Mira asked.
"I want to do this because I can." Serif said. "That's what it means to be the one behind the wheel."
Serif got out his stopwatch device, and pressed the pedal once.
BUN!
He then pressed it again.
BUNBOON!
He then pressed it again
BUNBOONBOOM!
"It's Morphin Time!" Serif said, as he then rolled the changer's wheel down their left arm. The device then lodged itself onto the brace. "Hit the gas!"
FLOOR THE TIRES! GO! GO! GO!
Then, the Bakuage Tire is attached to Serif's, completing the transformation of a man clad in purple and white with a cowboy theme.
[YOOOOOOOOO]
[My man Serif got the drip!]
[That's how you know he gonna do it to em]
[is this when we pog?]
"Seriously, chat?" Kanade asked, exasperated.
"Wait, what do you mean by...chat?" Starscream asked.
GenieVizier: [ah yes let the madness commence]
[what the fuck]
MistressofAllEvil: [Not actually a bad idea, Jafar.]
[how the fuck]
"Yeah, we got this in Blossom City, and it's been stuck with us ever since." Drakus said.
Serif sped in, and started slashing and whacking at every foot soldier he saw, as the X-Squad and Zapp joined in, shooting, slashing and whacking every foot soldier they saw, as one magical girl shot bullets at the clown serpent and foot soldiers while another sword fought the foot soldiers, as the X-Squad huddled around a young girl.
"What the heck's that?!" Asuka exclaimed, shocked at Serif's speed.
Soon, Wedinlock saw Serif and aimed his blaster arm at the man.
"Time to cut this cake, down the middle!" Wedinlock laughed.
[Serif]
[serif move!]
[get out of the way!]
[WEDDING DRESS ROBOT ABOUT TO BANISH YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS]
Serif then pressed the pedal on his stopwatch device.
BU-BU-BU-BOOM!
And just like that, tires popped out his back and crushed Wedinlock between them, sending him flying.
"Lav, take care of the cargo." Serif said, casually fencing Wedinlock while Kanade rode on the serpent thing.
"Okay, missy, let's go." Lavender said, seeming stoic as she grabbed Mira's hand, before Mira pried herself free.
"Enough! I've made up my mind!" Mira exclaimed. "I'm gonna take the wheel for myself, like you! I'll deliver myself to where I think I belong!"
"The best way to put the pedal to the metal!" Serif laughed. "You sound cranked-up and ready to go, to me!"
Lavender facepalmed, grinning. "Here we go again..."
"You'll need this." Serif said, tossing her the same stopwatch device as him and Lavender.
BOONBOOM MORPHER!
The two pressed the pedal three times, and rolled it along their left hands, before their suits appeared, Lavender's suit being black and white, and Mira's being pink and white.
"It's all three! Put the pedal to the metal!" Bundorio cheered. "Serif, do the thing!"
"But of course, let's do it." Serif said.
"Is he really going to do it?" Lavender groaned.
"Nitro Purple!" Serif said.
"Nitro Black!" Lavender yelled.
"What?! This is so cool!!" Mira cheered. "Nitro Pink!"
"I'm feeling revved up! Kick it to high gear!" Serif decreed. "Power Rangers..."
"Nitro Boost!" Serif, Lavender and Mira cheered, as they soon charged into battle, sword fighting, shooting or whacking the foot soldiers and Wedinlock.
"Boom! Bunboonboom!" Bundorio cheered.
"Oh, you are kidding me!" Matarael spat. "Heads up, Homura, our friends have somehow gotten tangled into the Witch's barrier, and my sister's here, so we have that to look out for, too!"
"...That… is not good," Homura stated, chewing her lip as she followed Matarael, the two of them bursting into the barrier at a hurried pace, just in time to see the massive, serpent-like creature looming over Mami with the intention of biting down and-
"NOPE!" Matarael and Mr. Puzzles both screamed, Matarael lashing out with her AT Field harder than she'd ever gone before, filling it with all the desperation in her soul as she slammed the world's metaphorical stop button and everything went gray.
Time had stopped. Just inches left before Mami's head could be severed from her neck.
Matarael breathed a sigh of relief and moved, blurring through the shadows as she carefully extricated Mami's head from between the thing's teeth- shuddering the whole time due to the sheer depths of insanity and despair the creature held- and left a shining, shimmering Core in its place, as Mr. Puzzles put Wedinlock near the Core.
Her fingers twitched lightly as the orb left her hands, clicking against the orb as the universe itself seemed to nudge her actions and press the Core in a certain way.
Reality took hold moments later, the creature continuing its lunge and whooshing past the two girls with a rush of wind and a shriek of surprise as it swallowed the core and robot.
"Left at the altar!" Wedinlock yelled as he was swallowed, the Gyahsoline flowing into a vial Xanatos had on him.
"Oh yeah." Drakus said, clearing his throat. "Hand over the Shard. We are willing to fight if you refuse."
The squad prepared to fight anyway...then nothing happened.
"Uh, shouldn't a bad guy appear by now?" Gypsy asked, blinking her only eye. "Hey, what gives?"
"We'll be doing new things this round. Each time you all confront a bad guy of the day or something recently, the bad guy gets taken out way too easily." Brain Guy explains bored. "Like our Fang Machine, Fu Manchu, Manos, need we go on?"
"So what are you going to do?" Crow asked Brain Guy, being cautious.
"Simple! I issue you a duel against our monster: beat it and you will be able to get the Shard. That way, we get something interesting."
"Okay, so what are you planning on doing?" Mystle asked.
"This." Brain Guy said with a devilish smirk as he uses his brain powers...to make something appear, as the group heard a roar. "TRY TO GET RID OF THIS!"
"Get down!" Drakus yelled.
Zapp yelped as he ducked in time to dodge a flying boulder. That was a close one!
"What was that?!" Troy asked in shock.
"It's...the Rock." Kenny said, speaking in a voice that Sean Connery can be proud of.
"I know that! Where did it come from?"
"Wow, no wonder you're annoying." Mystle said to Troy, dryly.
"Hey, I think I see the guy doing it." Gypsy said as she looked ahead.
The gang looked to see a tough cave man-like person with tubes pumping Gyahsoline into his veins, growling at them.
"Eegah." Gypsy said, recognizing the cave man from another movie that the group had seen. Eegah roared as he grabbed the concrete. "Look out!"
The Name Only Written In Blood
Eegah
Mami gulped as Drakus dragged her down, trembling from the shock of almost dying twice.
"Okay, how do we beat...this thing?" Kanade said.
"Looks like you're having some trouble." A voice said, as a girl with green hair walked up.
"Um, who's she?" Seryu asked.
"She's my supplier, Morticia." Serif said. "So, got anything that can beat a juiced up caveman?"
Morticia simply grinned. "Oh, I got something, alright, some fresh meat." She said, pulling a giant wagon filled with ham.
The Witch's barrier glowed brightly, as if a new sun was being formed…
Right before the entire barrier shattered into nonexistence, flinging itself into shards of fading reality as the clown-like serpent screamed, glowing brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter and exploded, erasing Eegah from existence.
The oppressive field of despair died away moments before the light faded, leaving behind an unconscious girl clad in something resembling a wedding dress and biker outfit lying on the ground, curled up in the fetal position.
"What the fuck," Homura decided, staring over at the scene with an incredulous expression. "Did... Did you just steal my schtick?" She looked down. "...What the fuck is that."
"What used to be the Witch," Matarael panted. "I told you. My way."
"That's a little girl. You turned a Witch..."
"And an Automonster, and I think Mira's dress fused with it..." Serif added.
"...into an eight year old child," Homura deadpanned, completely unable to believe that this tiny, white haired, cat ear hood wearing girl lying unconscious on the ground was previously a Witch and Automonster that was about to eat one of her friends.
Well, Matarael's friend. Mami didn't much like Homura in the latter half of the loops, which was…
A little sad. Homura used to like Mami.
"No, I turned the Witch back into the eight year old child it used to be," Matarael corrected. "I'm correcting that horrendous Cycle, keep up, Homura."
"Witches... were Magical Girls?"
"Oh god," Drakus sighed, walking over to Mami and smacking her gently across the head. "No. Bad girl. No murder."
"Ow!" Mami yelped, holding her head and pouting up at Drakus with a quiet huff. "What do you mean murder!? Why would I murder anyone!?"
"...Let's just leave that conversation for later," Ramiel answered after staring at Mami for a few seconds, coughing awkwardly into her hand as she walked back to the still unconscious girl and picking her up in a princess carry. "Hey, Roman, feel like adopting an eight year old girl that used to be a clown Unagi eel? I mean, she's technically already my new sister but I just wanna know if anyone here happens to need an emotional support baby, cuz lil Nagisa here definitely needs an emotional support mommy."
"You're handling it well," Homura drawled, before looking towards the other pair. "Madoka. Sayaka. Are you two okay? I came as fast as I could."
"I'll bet," Matarael snickered from over there.
"Shut up," Homura sighed, raising her middle finger in the general direction of Matarael, only to immediately retract it the moment the little girl in Ramiel's arms started stirring.
"...Mommy…?" said girl asked, blinking sleepily as she opened her eyes and stared up at Matarael. "...where's…my mommy? Who….who are you? I… a-are you my…my sister…?"
Matarael looked at the little girl in an expression resembling horror. "..You know what, sure, me and Ramiel are your sisters," she decided. The Angel looked around, from the pitying gaze of Madoka to the amusement of Homura to the...longing...face of Mami...
"Here," she decided, thrusting little Nagisa to Mami's arms. "She can be your mommy."
"... I… erm-?" Mami stared down at the child in her arms, chewing her lip before immediately hugging her tight, almost sobbing as Nagisa returned the hug.
Both of them started sobbing moments later, though. Matarael didn't pay too much mind to it, though, since they seemed to be happy tears instead of sad. Which was…kind of a welcome relief, since Mami usually went completely fucking nuts if she didn't have someone to care about.
"Right," Matarael muttered. "There's that crisis averted... What else is left..."
She shrugged, as the Shadow Hunters looked on in shock at the fact that the caveman was killed by an exploding serpent they sent to kill the X-Squad.
Little did the Shadow Hunters realize that a portal opened up next to them as the Shard of Duriel was randomly switched by a hand as the Shard he was holding was replaced with a look alike...
"Oh..." Brain Guy frowned as the others came back. "Okay, you passed our caveman, here's the Shard, now if you'll excuse us; we're off..."
Brain Guy then did his brain thing to teleport the group as Iris smiled. "Abyss Yokai shard, get! Let's teleport this back to Tristram!"
Tyrael smiled as she used her magic to teleport the Shard of Duriel right into the castle, as a girl clad in jet black and silver appeared.
"My magic should be safe for now..." Duriel said.
All of a sudden, Cambot started to ring as Drakus sighed, pushing the button. "Okay, let's see what they want..."
Cambot then showed an image of the Shadow Hunters back at the Junkheap Caverns, "So that didn't quite get you down...disappointing..."
"But..." Clayton smirked. "Good news. We have found two MORE elements... in the same place! Can you believe it? We're finally gonna get... the Shard of Mephisto AND the Shard of Azmodan!"
"And where are they?" Cheri asked.
"Both are located within the Greek Times... the times of Hercules!" Kinga smiled... then blinked. "I... probably shouldn't have said that..."
"Afraid that's all we have to say..." Megafin chuckled as he pushed the button, causing the screen to go off...
"All right!" Crow said. "The Hercules movies, seem simple enough..."
"So... by Hercules, they don't mean the... Disney Movie, right?" Scarlet asked.
"Oh, THIS Hercules is way different!" Tom said. "Zapp, Troy, think you can help us?"
"We'll try our best." Troy said.
"What the Hell was that?" Homura asked, looking extremely disturbed as she somehow was in the van with the X-Squad, as Zapp's car fused with the ice cream van. "What the fuck just happened- where did everybody- Matarael, what did you do?"
"... Huh. I guess the fact that we were stuck in the same time loop for so long made it so you stayed with me across scene breaks," Matarael blinked slowly, looking around at the still night time city, humming to herself as she idly grabbed Homura by the collar (ignoring her yelp of surprise) and skittered to the nearby corner to talk with Hibiki and Drakus while Madoka mostly just looked around awkwardly and tried to pretend that she fit in with a group of magical girls, two interdimensional abominations, and an omniversal band of misfits and criminals when she was just a normal girl.
"So lemme get this straight, you're saying you caused a time loop, are currently working on a way to shut down some Kyubey thing, who's been making these Magical Girls into Witches since the dawn of time, and are working with Ramiel's sister... because you have a crush on Madoka and Matarael's a simp for Sayaka?" Hibiki summarized.
"The problem with Sayaka is probably because Matarael's been forcing herself on her like a particularly pushy stranger," Homura sighed, smirking at Matarael and sticking out her tongue. Beneath the immediate indignation of being teased, Matarael was actually secretly a bit glad that Homura could at least still be childish after all they'd been through.
Not that she let it show.
"Fuck you," Matarael huffed, shoveling more ice cream down her gullet and groaning. "We hit it off so well all those other times! And this time she's… she's… she's still stuck on that rat bastard Kyousuke, who doesn't even appreciate her! All he ever did was yell at her for all the times she tried to make him feel better anyway!"
"Those other times you didn't immediately tell her you were from a time loop and in love with her," Homura groaned. "How am I somehow better at social interaction than you are? I started a time loop because I was gay! What the hell is your excuse?"
"It probably worked out fine when you did it." Drakus remarked, chucking a spoon at Homura, who snatched it out of the air and threw it back, making Drakus yelp as it bonked him in the forehead and bounced back into Matarael's tub of ice cream.
"It worked out fine when I did it because I respected Madoka's boundaries in that first loop and didn't immediately push her into a romance!" Homura responded, visibly fed up with all this idiocy. "How are you more of a disaster lesbian than I am!? I've been FOURTEEN for TWENTY YEARS and somehow you, you absolutely idiotic Angel who's apparently not even fourteen but have been alive TWICE as long as I have, are still so much dumber than me!"
"I'm TRYING, OKAY!? " Matarael yelled back. "You lot are literally my first social interaction with normal humans! What the fuck are you expecting, competence!?"
"... Well, when you put it like that," Homura sighed, sipping a cup of tea and shaking her head. "I suppose the situation is still salvageable. Possibly. If you restrain yourself and take it slowly and try to be her friend first. And, side note, I cannot believe I'm the one telling you this."
Matarael groaned. "But that suuuuuucks," she complained, flopping onto the floor.
Homura rolled her eyes.
The fate of Prehistoric Park lies on edge in the next few days, although, the X-Squad are not in the park but rather wading knee high in a lake…
Maya held a large net out and scooped it through some reeds where Shalltear stood with a white bucket. The cool water went up to their knees and although the sun was high in the sky she was shivering. Winds from the nearby hills swept down across Kunming Lake which sent shivers down her spine. Maya cried with happiness as when he lifted up his net it was visibly shaking with something crawling inside. She poured the contents of the net into Shalltear's white bucket and beckoned the camera over to look at what was inside. The bucket was full of pondweed but seventy-five, (now joined by two more), newts were swimming in the bucket. They were an average size and were black. All of them had dabbles of orange on them though the females had stripes whereas the males had spots.
"I used to love catching newts when I was a toddler," Kanade beamed with nostalgia. "I would go down to the nearby river during the summer and catch as many as I could before lunch and then throw them back in."
"These are Yunnan Water Newts," Maya said suddenly, to break Kanade from his nostalgic distraction. "These little guys went extinct during the seventies thanks to pollution in the lake during Mao's Great Leap Forward. Little creatures like these are just as important to the environment as a tiger or gazelle."
"Okay, gotta ask, how did you get so good at history?" Homura asked, curious.
"You'd be surprised to learn how much you can learn from the library if you're persistent enough and down so much caffeine that a normal man can have a stroke, some of my favorite highlights of historical antics included almost getting tried as witches at Salem, and yes, Drakus sent Samuel Parrish to Hell, and there was the time we almost got captured by the SS."
The portal was opened and they walked through. A short jeep ride later and they arrived in a special section on Isla Nublar nicknamed Pleasant Park.
Pleasant Park got its name thanks to it being the area where the dodos, moas and extinct tortoises and amphibians live on Isla Nublar instead of giant carnivores like Tyrannosaurus or Allosaurus.
Mary was there sitting on a bench reading a book. It was one of Cicada's and on the cover was We Shall Overcome. Nagisa glanced at the blurb and saw that it was about the civil rights movement. Mary put her book down and helped them pour the bucket into a nearby pond and the newts quickly swam away into the reeds that she had made for them. However, Pleasant Park had a few extra exhibits, largely glass tanks full of invertebrates. One had two funnel web spiders in it and said Cascade Funnel-Web Spider, Tasmania, another was full of moths whose sign said Levuna Moth, Fiji, another had earthworms saying Lake Pedder Earthworm, Tasmania, a fourth with some white butterflies saying Madeiran Large White, Madeira, a fifth with some small snails saying Polynesian Tree Snail, Samoa and the final had some locusts munching on some grass with a sign saying Rocky Mountain Locust, USA.
"I wanted to save some smaller, less likely to eat our flesh in a moment's notice, creatures, but unfortunately, Drakus said it wouldn't have been interesting," Krell explained. "We decided to save them off camera and rescue some larger animals today."
Mary rolled her eyes. "Rob is still chasing your Borealosaurus, never mind new animals!"
Last time, the X-Squad brought back some titanosaurs called Borealosaurus. When they laid their eggs, they knocked down a few trees, taking down the fence and giving them full reign over Sorna and a very exasperated Rob.
Maya shook her head, laughing. "I don't intend to bring anything sauropod size back this time, but my first stop will be for the squad and me to rescue this."
She showed Mary a file of a little red fox. It seemed to be an average fox except where it was from. A photo showed a picture of the Falkland Islands and the top of the page said Falkland Islands Wolf/Warrah. Mary nodded her head with approval.
The team's first journey will take them to the Falkland Islands, off the coast of Argentina. Here the Falklands Island Wolf, (or its other name the Warrah), lived. It was actually a fox and lived in isolation until human hunting made the inquisitive little fox go extinct.
The portal threw them into a hilly land with the wind sweeping across it like a blanket. If not for the big coats that they were wearing, the wind would have cut right through them thanks to the cold, but it only ended up stinging their faces.
"What did the little guys eat before settlers brought rats?" Mami shouted over the wind.
"Ground birds, although we have to act fast. When Charles Darwin visited here last year he commented how he thought that the warrah would go the same way as the dodo because of humans. How right he was!"
They decided to follow a small dirt path through a field in search of the wily fox. With it coming close to autumn, the wind was always blowing, casting a chill over the land. Every now and then they would pass a fence where inside a herd of cows were grazing; the largest mammal to live on the islands but only thanks to human interference. Isolation from the continent meant that the small islands did not have any natural large wildlife. Although sometimes the cows were replaced by sheep in the fields. One ewe baaed angrily at the squad.
"I'm assuming that farmers shot the little guys thinking they would hurt the sheep," Mystle sighed.
Maya then noticed some paw tracks. They were too small to be domesticated dogs so that left only one culprit. She put down her rucksack and pulled out two bottles full of yellow liquid and threw the contents over the trees.
"Those bottles contained fox urine from a male and a female fox," Shan Yu explained, sitting down on a tree stump. "So with the wind blowing at such ferocity we should get the foxes to come here."
"Where are we going to wait?" Neo asked, looking around at the lack of cover.
"Warrahs were reported to be very trusting because they evolved in isolation. Farmers would lure them over with a chunk of meat with one hand and a knife in the other. We're going to do the same but minus the knife."
With the autumn winds, the scent of fox urine can easily be spread over miles around and soon, the X-Squad have their first bite.
In the distance running over the green grass a little red shape could be seen. As it got closer it became more canine shape. A red fox darted quickly to the tree that Maya had sprayed the female urine on indicating its gender. As the canine started to sniff around the tree, Homura pulled out some meat from her bag which caught the attention of the fox. It darted to Homura and started to eat quickly from her hands. The fox was so at ease with them that Neo managed to stroke him.
"So this is why you went extinct so quickly. You're just a big softie!" she cooed.
"Be careful though, they have been known to attack if remotely threatened."
Luckily the warrah, nicknamed Warden, chose not to bite and soon a female joined him. Both started to bite each other until Homura intervened by handing out more meat. Now it would just be a case of sending them through the portal. They picked up the meat and the inquisitive foxes soon followed them, even through a giant swirling light to the 21st Century! Quickly they were shipped to Isla Sorna and into their new pen. Mary had done an excellent job on it with it having a wide plain for them to run in, a fallen tree which served as a den and a puddle of water for them to drink from. However…CRASH!
It seems that the Borealosaurus are still ruling the roost on Isla Sorna.
"Come here you big lug!" Bob yelled.
They ran to the sound of the crash. A Borealosaurus had smashed a tree outside an exhibit but thankfully hadn't toppled onto the fence again. Using her long neck the guilty sauropod was grazing over the top of a nearby tree. The exhibit in question happened to be Paraentelodon Pen.
The squad saved a small group of Paraentelodon from Oligocene Mongolia. Although they were going extinct thanks to new competition, they still pack quite a punch with their giant incisors.
A Paraentelodon arrived on the scene and snarled until it saw the giant sauropod. It snarled again, making the Borealosaurus give a low rumble, which made the pig from hell squeal and ran off. Rob laughed as Nigel and Chiyo arrived.
"When you rescued that, I thought you were takin' the mickey bringing back a pig that could eat me. Looks like he's been put in his place. Now you come over here!"
Whether the Borealosaurus actually took notice of Rob or just tired of the tree that she was eating, she turned around and placed her head near Rob. She gave him an affectionate nudge which would have knocked him over unless any of the squad had caught him. Back up soon arrived with a wheelbarrow full of stones which caught the attention of the sauropod. Soon, they arrived at the exhibit. It seems that Rob had managed to wrangle two of them who were drinking out of a stream as they opened the gate to the exhibit. In the adjoining enclosure, Michael the Crichtonsaurus was sleeping in the shade by a waterfall.
"Why couldn't you have rescued the Holocene animals last week?" Bob asked panting "Mary gets to deal with tarantulas and foxes, while I sort the beasts of burden out."
"Well this one will be more tricky. We're going to the North Africa to rescue the Atlas Bear, the only bear in modern times to live in Africa, and the Atlas Elephant."
"Aren't they the elephants that Hannibal used?" Bob asked.
Maya then started to jump up and down in excitement before running off. Half an hour later she returned with one of the history books that Cicada wrote with big letters on the front reading SPQR and a photo of some ruins. She opened the book to show a picture of some elephants in the mountains with a caption underneath saying: Hannibal crossed the Alps with war elephants during the Second Punic War (218-201 BCE). This was a daring move that cost most of his army and elephants before he had even set foot in Italy.
"Wait, my notes said the Atlas Elephant went extinct shortly after Rome conquered North Africa and the time it gave was much later than that," Homura said, puzzled.
"I looked on ahead. It turns out the Romans took over this place called Carthage after the Third Punic War years later."
The squad now must go to North Africa during the climax of the Third Punic War. When the Romans took over, they tried to use the Atlas Elephants for war, but ended up wiping them out. They also trapped the Atlas Bear to use in bloodsports where bears fought humans to the death. Although, they would last until 1870 when the last was shot by hunters. This slippery slope started with the Romans who made them become very rare.
The portal took them to a mountainous land crisscrossed by dirt pavements. It seemed that merchants had traversed this land often with marks from wheels being engraved into the earth. With it being the perfect habitat for bears they decided to look for a bear or two. They went off the narrow road and into the more rugged mountains. The stones beneath their feet were ragged and if they had not been wearing hiking boots it would have been likely that they would have fallen over. Soon Nigel found a sign that bears were in the area. A solitary tree stood in the middle of the rocky outcrop which had characteristic scratch marks.
"Animals always use trees as scratching posts," he commented "Lions and leopards live here as well and luckily they aren't extinct in the 21st Century but they are very rare. Look some fur. Its brown so it can only be an Atlas Bear."
ROAR! They turned around slowly to see two giant bears standing on their hind legs. Behind it were six cubs who were trying to hide behind the adults.
Bears are highly protective of their cubs and will fight anything that they deem to be a threat, whether it is a wild cat, or a human.
The bears roared again. It was the perfect opportunity. They could easily save a family for Prehistoric Park. Although, this would mean squaring up to 2 1,000 pound bears. After the parents made another roar, they decided to attack. Running on all fours at the two, the parents opened their mouths wide. Mystle quickly opened the portal and the bears ran through. The cubs, dazed by their parents disappearing, ran through the shimmering portal to find them.
"Well, we have a bear family," Mystle panted. "Let's set up camp and look for a male and some elephants tomorrow. I need a rest anyhow my heart is in my mouth!"
Back in Prehistoric Park, the bear family has to wait as Rob faces a major problem with the escaped Borealosaurus. One that could be deadly.
Rob was in the jeep and was driving as fast as he could. "I've been dreading this. Has to be the last one as well. On Isla Sorna, we have many different carnivores such as hyeanodons, cave hyenas, dire wolves, and the dimetrodons. We even have two of the largest carnivorous dinosaurs: Spinosaurus and Carcharodontosaurus. The Borealosaurus is heading straight for the Fukuiraptor!"
The squad rescued a pack of the allosaurid Fukuiraptor from Cretaceous Japan. Although not the size of the Tyrannosaurus, they are still very dangerous.
The giant titanosaurus started to drink from the moat surrounding the Fukuiraptor exhibit. She then started to brush against a tree just as Rob arrived. If she toppled the tree, it could take out the fence allowing a pack of very dangerous therapods out.
"No over here! Over here!" Bob yelled.
"Ayo! What's going on?! Why's there a forest demon outside the fence?!"
There was a sudden hiss. Argos, the talking Fukuiraptor, emerged from the shadows and stared at the sauropod.
"Um, wanna share a drink?" Argos asked, as the Borealosaurus made a rumble of disinterest. It came from a time when therapods the same size would not go near it.
"I did my research and Fukuiraptor will not be afraid!" Rob cried. "They hunted Fukuititan, which was a close relative to Borealosaurus."
The female Fukuiraptor soon joined the first. Despite its low intelligence, the sauropod realised that the allosaurs were not afraid and soon started to back off.
"Good grief!" Rob sighed. "We almost had a disaster then."
In North Africa, the squad have come across the city of Carthage, although now they regret finding it.
They stood at the top of an outcrop looking down on what remained of the city of Carthage. Flames billowed from the settlement sending black soot and ash into the atmosphere. No building remained untouched from fire whether it be a temple or peasant's home. All that could be heard was the screams of the Carthaginians. Legions of Roman Centurions marched survivors of the onslaught in chains as one singular consul looked down upon the spectacle. Homura burst into tears and hugged Madoka, burying her face in her neck to try and force out the smoke and screams, as Drakus discreetly walked downward, and lured some of the centurions into the portal. Ardyn couldn't take it any longer and looked away in disgust. However, he heard weeping from the consul. Curious, he turned to the history book and found a bust. The bust had the same shaped nose, small eyes and curly hair that the consul had. A caption read: The bust of Scipio Aemilianus, who ordered the sack of Carthage after two and a half years of battle. He looked at the text itself: It is reported that Scipio wept as the city of Carthage burned, although, only a few of those tears were over the atrocity before him. Unlike many politicians, not only in Rome but throughout history, from Hitler in Russia to the USSR and USA in Afghanistan, he realized that history repeats itself. Carthage was once a great empire that ruled half the known world until crushed under the Roman boot before him. He knew that Rome would suffer the same fate in years to come, and that is why he wept.
Suddenly, they heard the trumpet of an elephant. Pushing back tears they crept down the mountain path to see a group of Roman Centurions wrestling with ropes strung over a male and female elephant. In two cages close by was a leopard and male bear. It was the perfect time to act. They crept up to the cages and opened them but as they did so the portals were opened allowing the leopard and bear to go through. Drakus, though, was angry. He was many things, but an animal abuser wasn't one of them, and he knew the fate of the elephants, leopard and bear.
The Romans often captured wild animals to be used as entertainment in coliseums. They would use hippos, rhinos, lions and other animals to kill unarmed people for entertainment or would get the animals to fight to the death.
Drakus pulled out a flare and fired. The Romans instantly ran into a nearby portal, scared of the blast that the flare caused. However, the elephants ran straight towards them. Quickly, Mami opened the portal, sending them through. In an hour, the two elephants were in an exhibit.
Mary had done a good job with it. It resembled a Tunisian plain which perfectly suited the elephants. Suzanne had quickly cleaned up the elephants and sealed their open wounds, as the male soon began t-posing, well, as much as an elephant could t-pose.
"The female, Kalin, is doing fine," she said. "But the male, Augustine, though, we can't go near unless sedated. The Romans made him very mistrustful of humans, and I think the elephant became a memelord."
Homura nodded, tears still on her cheek. Luckily, Maya had a plan to rescue the last animal and cheer her up at the same time, which was to rescue the Huia.
The Huia was a species of wattlebird that was venerated by the Maori of New Zealand. That is, until getting hunted for their long feathers and deforestation made them go extinct by 1907.
They emerged at a small outpost where the British flag was flying over a building. Surrounding them was a forest, and Homura gasped as a group of Maori with black feathers in their hair walked up to them. The lead one nodded to Maya.
"Let's just say, Green Stripe made a quick trip and swapped him medicine that will last for twenty years for something else. First though, we'll catch some Huia."
The Maori led them to a fallen tree trunk where visibly worms were crawling all over it. Maya explained: "The Huia have long beaks specialised in eating grubs like these. They also are largely flightless and travel in pairs so we can quickly rescue a breeding colony. Although, this is why they went extinct so rapidly."
Quickly, some Huia arrived. They were pure black with an orange wattle. The males had a long, curved beak while the females had a much shorter one. Mystle quickly fired the net gun she had brought, and put them in a cage. They repeated this until they caught another twenty four pairs. When this happened, the Maori waved a hand and a young man walked into the forest. Homura heard a bark, and three white dogs with a curled tail ram up and started licking her.
"Aren't you beautiful!" she laughed.
"Meet Robuck, Huston and Bamba," Maya smiled. "They're an extinct dog breed called Kuri. I thought you would like them."
Quickly, they bring the Kuri and Huia back to the park just as the fate of Prehistoric Park is about to be revealed.
They had erected a few chairs and a table in the Kuri pen so they could have the dogs with them. Hammond sat stroking Bamba's head, while Chiyo sat on the floor with the two others. The Board Executives holding an envelope stepped into the pen and Ludlow comically fell over as Huston jumped up to lick him.
"Get his ass, Huston!" Mystle laughed.
The Board Executive holding the envelope opened it and read: "The best course for Prehistoric Park has been decided. It has been unanimously decided to let the OVDF own and operate Prehistoric Park to the public, if it remains an educational park that does not interrupt the animals' lives!"
Ludlow's face dropped. Prehistoric Park would become the greatest educational biological preserve with the public knowing about it.