Some days, the sunshine is easier to see than others. There are no clouds to shield the warmth of the sun from your skin. No obstacles to keep the dopamine from settling deep in your bones and allowing you peace.
Other days, the bad voices crawl into your head and shackle you with their lies, telling you that you should have never come to UA. Today, it seems like your only enemy is yourself.
"Good afternoon, (Name)." Tamaki beams at you as he meets you at the sakura tree outside of school. Self-doubt makes the security of his arms seem pale and fake today. You feel like he only tolerates you. "How was your day?"
"I lost a fight in a battle where I had the upper hand." You state in a flat tone. "I'm not feeling like a hero today. What's wrong with me?"
When Tamaki abruptly lifts you into the air, you gasp and throw your arms around his neck. He grips you firmly as he manifests some vines to pull you both up into the branches of the trees. Soon enough, a sea of pink petals forms an umbrella around you both.
"Nothing is wrong with you, love." He whispers in your ear, trailing his hand into your hair and twirling a lock between his fingers.
Logically, you know his words have some merit. But the loud, intrusive thoughts convince you not to accept such reassurance wholesale. If you were a real hero, shouldn't you have been able to win that mock battle against Mineta? Especially when you had the advantage?
"I just want to feel like a hero." You choke out, wrapping your arms around him and tucking your face in his neck. "I feel like I don't know why I'm here anymore…"
It was a dilemma you'd been facing for a while now. A dilemma that, if you really thought about it, you knew was because you didn't want to be a pro hero anyway. Sure, it would be nice to prove to your parents that you weren't the worthless scum they thought you were, but in reality? You'd much rather find a job doing something you enjoyed. And while you enjoyed helping others, you'd figured out since your first year at UA that you just weren't cut out for being a pro.
But how could you tell that to Tamaki? What would become of the two of you if you transferred to another course? Would he still love you? More importantly, wouldn't that just prove to him and everyone else that you were never hero material to begin with?
Quitting seemed to cause more hassle than just forcing yourself to finish your final year with him. Not to mention, you'd convinced yourself if you did quit, everyone would glower at you every day thereafter.
Tamaki cradles you for a bit as the sound of students filing out of the school echoes through the courtyard. He kisses your cheek.
"Do you mean you don't know why you're here because you don't want to be here anymore? Or because you're not feeling confident as a hero?" He asks.
"I…I don't…" Your jaw tightens as you take a deep breath. "I don't think I want to be here anymore. I want to be a hero but…I don't want to do this. I guess I was never meant to be a hero."
You wait for the disappointment to color his face. You wait for apologies and the suggestion that both of you should break up because it'll be harder to keep contact when you choose another course. So, you're utterly surprised when he does none of those things.
Instead, Tamaki takes your face in both of his hands, looking at you with those dazzling eyes of his.
"(Name)," He begins. "I'm so proud of you for having the courage to tell me that."
How does he know you so well? Those words sink deep into your skin, drawing fresh tears and making you plant your face in his chest. An anchor in your turbulent sea of emotions, he grounds you and lets you ride the waves.
Once your tears subside, you sniff and ask the question burning in your chest.
"You aren't disappointed in me, Maki-kun?"
"Why would I be disappointed in you?" He smiles, and tilts his head. "You just saved yourself years of misery for the future. Being a pro isn't for everyone."
"But…I can't be a hero anymore. I've proven that I'm incapable of being worth anything to anyone."
Tamaki shakes his head and taps your nose.
"Just because you don't want to be a pro hero, doesn't mean you're incapable of being a hero. It just means you have different honorable pursuits that you're better suited for." He hums for a moment and then continues. "Remember when you told me you'd like to travel the world and start a blog about your journeys? You can be a hero for other people who don't have the ability to make those trips themselves. There's an endless amount of opportunities to be heroic in other capacities."
His words hit you in a way you haven't considered before. You turn them over in your mind and squeeze him as tight as you can, like it might help squeeze the broken pieces of you back together.
"And…and you won't leave me?"
"Of course not. I didn't fall in love with you just because you were a hero. I fell in love with you because you're heroic."
As you both sit under the falling cherry blossom petals, his lips find yours and remind you that you both belong together. And even though you still worry about the disappointed looks of your peers once you put in for a course change, it feels far more endurable knowing that Tamaki will still be by your side through it all.