Yamazaki hadn't told this to Rock but he found ways of caring for himself whenever he was alone. He awoke shortly after Rock had left, and the abode was quiet. Even outside. Yamazaki stared into the ceiling, licking his wound and listening to the quiet before he used his good arm to pull the blanket away. He had been testing this every now and then whenever he had the chance and by now, he could hobble to the bathroom without too much pain.

Didn't change the fact that this healing process had been a slow affair, and he was left with the feeling that he probably should have asked Geese for help and be in debt to the man after all. He didn't like how his body didn't heal faster because it left him with the worry that he might not recover at all. He could stand but not move without limping and his arm wouldn't lift any higher than his shoulder. Still, the wounds had stopped bleeding and so they were easy to clean once Yamazaki slid his bare ass into the shower.

It was a quick but efficient bath, less strenuous than the effort of lifting himself out of the cabin to dry himself with one arm. His hair was plastered over his forehead but he had other things to worry about, including the battle of getting dressed. Bracing himself, he limped out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen, catching himself against the dinner table and sitting down to let the aching pass. Either his physical fitness had taken a hit from being bedridden or it was due to the severity of the injuries, but even small stretches of movement were enough to wind him.

Yamazaki took a deep breath and tried again, leaning against the table to stand when the door to the abode opened. There was a moment of fight or flight in him when he caught large frames moving around outside the windows and Rock entering the abode.

Rock who had been crying with the redness around his eyes, his blotchy face, and the listless way he moved. His face was blank with exhaustion. There was a blue binder on his hand that landed on the table before he came over and offered his shoulder for Yamazaki to lean on, dragging him to the bedroom again, and leaving him alone for a moment.

"What happened?" he asked once Rock came back with a bowl of soup, trying not to stare at the moons of dried blood under his nails. Of course, Rock didn't answer him with anything other than popping up the pillows and helping him sit. Yamazaki, with difficulty turning the left side of his body, leaned into the pillows and used his good hand to reach for the two pills and then the bowl.

"Rock," he tried again and watched the young man flinch and very slowly look back. "What's the deal? Did they hurt you?"

"No…I wish they had because that'd be easier to explain," Rock lowered his head. The fact that he opened his mouth was half assuring, half alarming. Bit by bit, Yamazaki sipped on his soup and thought how to press further, prefacing this by putting one hand on Rock's knee.

This brought some life into him and he said; "I went to the tower. I just needed to know for certain that they weren't behind this. They were not."

That wasn't the whole scope of the problem though it wasn't immediately obvious to just everyone. Getting proven wrong by someone, who wasn't the devil you wanted him to be, could be world-altering. But not with this amount of hurt attached.

Finishing his soup, Yamazaki shut his eyes lightly, giving a gentle squeeze to the knee under his palm.

"Gotta hand it to you, wolfy. You got brass balls," he said just softly and relaxed a bit at the smile that ever so slightly broke through across Rock's face. Only to hear; "I feel like I'm an anomaly to the world around me. Like nothing I know is true anymore and my identity is circling the drain."

And there it was.

Such reactions could only come from facing Geese or his wife. One or both of them had said something that hand rattled Rock fiercely to the point where his mental state took a hit and he scratched himself bloody. The shame in his eyes was apparent. As was the hurt.

"Yeah, well," Yamazaki said, sliding his hand to Rock's wrist and giving it a fond squeeze. "You're you as you are. If the world doesn't want it, I'll take you. The world has shit taste."

The scratches were pretty bad this time if they had been dressed up with bandages. He stroked the bandages gently, ears sharpening at noises outside; Kim having a loud, confused conversation with someone, the door to the abode opening. Instantly, Rock flinched, his expression going dead as he stood up and swallowed hard. He sighed and headed out of the bedroom while Yamazaki cocooned himself to hide the wounds, listening to shuffling feet and voices, familiar ones talking. Two of them; a woman and a man.

Then, the penny dropped.

And that was how Geese and Mai came upon Yamazaki; rolled up in a blanket, grimacing, and in discomfort. For some reason, Rock had allowed them to come here with their posse so Yamazaki didn't bite their heads off – tempting as it was.

"What the goddamn hell happened to him?" Mai stormed towards the bed, sparks almost shooting out of her eyes. She clenched her fists so hard they were shaking. "Why is Rock like this?! He wasn't so battered! He wouldn't hurt himself like that! What have you done?!"

With a poised expression, Geese stepped up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder to pull her back out from whatever high of fury she was drugged on. He guided her to look at him, the steely composure melting a little at the heartbreak on her face, and rested a hand on her cheek.

"I'll handle the viper. Keep Rock company. He might need it."

Swallowing. Mai nodded and trotted out of the room, closing the door after herself. It made the oppressive atmosphere a notch more bearable. Still, the room felt like it'd be freezing over. Even more so as Geese's expression tightened. "You look awful."

"Yeah well, thank the motherfuckers who tried to kill me."

"I brought Matilda," Geeze explained like he had been asked and drew his gaze away. He appeared overall downtrodden because he didn't care to hide it today. Said quite a bit of their history, didn't it? "But I have some questions."

"Uh-huh?" Yamazaki quirked a brow, not loving where this was going. "About what?"

"About Rock," Geese let his mask slip a bit, biting out his words in frustrated helplessness. "My bond with him is perilous but I know he's strong and confident. I know he picked up Terry's vigor but tempered it with his mother's gentleness. I know he's deeply wounded. But It's not like him to be this fraught and I refuse to believe that it happened only because Terry left or Andy died. Or because you got hurt. It's a compound of the issues but there has to be more."

Yamazaki's heartbeat skipped. The old man wasn't bullshitting. "…That's not my place to tell. I found him in a bad state – much worse than that."

Geese's composure ebbed further. "Spare me the gory details if you must but I believed Terry brought him along when leaving South Town. As it turns out, he's been here the entire time but under what circumstances did he end up in this bad state?"

The silence that draped the room was thick and heavy, almost nauseating. For the first time in a while, Yamazaki felt honest to God nervous in Geese's presence. Still, he tried to answer as calmly as he could, even with the discomfort scraping against the insides of his body.

"Kain Heinlein."

The name sunk into Geese like one of Rock's knives when he chopped onions. Horrible things morphed and turned and twisted inside his head, taking the shape of conclusions and assumptions. He wasn't a complete moron though in the moment, he looked as if he wished to be. He shook his head, lifting it in such a Howard-esque way, his method to regain control. And he found it – with the added consequence of visible misery.

Suppose putting in the effort of hiding one's emotions didn't matter too much when you stood in front of someone keeping your only son company.

Yamazaki on the other hand felt lead pour into his chest so quickly, it was like it'd collapse in on itself and sink to the bottom of his stomach. He hated this thick feeling in his throat so fucking much. He hated the miserable silence that began to stretch.

Geese folded his arms over his chest, eyes falling to a close. "And he hired you."

"To bash skulls. To make sure Rock didn't die from whatever bullshit, Kain threw him into. Until I had enough," Yamazaki chose to mold his words carefully. Linguistics had never been his strong suit. He could tell it like it was but now he just felt like he handled himself like a razor slicing into skin and the sting was his guilt.

Geese stared at him, visibly upset, disgusted, distraught. If Ryuji Yamazaki of all people had enough of something pertaining to the wellbeing of another person, that could only speak horrible things about the circumstances leading up to this point.

"…I'll find out who else was behind the ambush. We already pinpointed some schmuck called Xanadu so it shouldn't be long before we have the full picture," Geese swallowed his emotions for the nth time before they came welling up like acid reflux.

"In exchange for that?" Yamazaki narrowed his eyes, pinching himself to stay awake once the drugs kicked in.

"…The fact that you're anything other than a bloodthirsty snake will never not be a shock to me. I won't pry about your relationship with Rock. It's none of my business – so long as you continue to keep him happy as I assume you're already doing," Geese said, opening his eyes. "So in exchange, I want you to keep his spirits up. If there comes a day where he leaves you, make sure he's in a better place when he does."

Ugh, Yamazaki couldn't bear the thought of that happening. As things were now, there probably wasn't a chance for that happening – willingly in the foreseeable future. But that Geese had mentioned it probably meant he didn't know – or wanted to allude to that there was more going on than what met the eye.

Yamazaki did his due diligence regardless.

"Don't badger him about Kain," he managed to say before Geese opened the door to the common room, almost shaking with tension. "Do not say a fuckin' word about him. You have no idea what that bastard did to Rock."

"…Duly noted," Geese nodded, accepting the chance that he might never get the colors to paint a full picture. He opened the door and Mai stood on the other side, peering into the bedroom with a frown. Just barely, she moved aside so Geese could leave, and Rock could enter, shuffling his feet across the floor until he stood in front of the bed. His eyes were red, his face wet again.

Fuck this day. Seriously.

He sat on the bed and reached for Yamazaki's hand. His fingers were cold. Touching his skin, showed his entire body to be frigid. And he was trembling. Yamazaki wasn't a romantic, but he went beyond his comfort zone and laced their fingers firmly, telling him carefully; "They are gonna dig for names. Find out the truth about this."

"And then what?" Rock asked, tone low and exhausted.

"Those responsible? I take their fuckin' lives. If they tried it once, they'll try it again."

Sighing deeply, Rock leaned forward and nuzzled Yamazaki's hair in hesitant relief.

"In exchange for what?" he asked, numb yet the faintest hint of panic edging his words.

"In exchange for keeping my pet wolf stimulated."

Rock sat up, confusion and amusement written all over his face, then let out a weak, pained laugh as he dropped his head, visibly overwhelmed with everything. "This is what I meant. I can't figure out anything about what I know anymore. I feel like a failure."

Yamazaki put a hand on his head, mussing the mop of blonde hair there. "The thing is that people change and so do their perspectives, Rock. Shit, I'll go ahead and say you fucked me up and fucked me well so much that I'm not me anymore. I'm not Yamazaki, I'm Ryuji. What the fuck is up with that?"

"That's not it," Rock forced out, voice brittle and quivering. "I hated Geese for leaving my mom to die but there was nothing anyone could do. She was doomed before I even knew it. No matter what I did, there was never a chance of me saving her. I fucking hate myself."

"Come on, kid. That wasn't on you. You're a wolf, aren't you? You're stronger than you thank you are," Yamazaki swept some of the blonde back, then moved it again because Rock looked a hell of a lot like Geese otherwise. He slid his hand to the younger man's cheek, felt hot drops gather, and felt the utter heartbreak in the quiet sobs that followed, splintering and aching. Shrapnel lodged into flesh.

Rock continued to disintegrate, sniffling into the blanket over Yamazaki's chest, seething with self-loathing anguish. His voice turned thick with despair as he continued to protest. "Terminally ill. I couldn't do anything. And now he's starting over. Mai's pregnant with his child. Making up for the fuck-up that I am. I'm not strong. I'm not normal. I'm filth. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing. If you didn't matter, he wouldn't have come here. He wouldn't ask me about you. He's a stupid cunt and I hate him, and he can go fuck himself until the heat death of the universe - but he cares about you in his own cupcake goose way. You're not filth, you're his fuckin' semen sprout and I got a feeling he'd split the earth in half if he knew what you had endured. Just so he could get his mitts on every single person who lay hands on you and strangle them with his bare hands," Yamazaki stroked a hand over the back of Rock's head. "Look at it this way. You're getting a sibling."

"He's not my father and yet…I feel like an imposter," Rock gripped tighter into the blanket. "I hate this. It hurts."

"I know, wolfy," Yamazaki held onto him, unsure of what else to do than just sit here and be supported. Wishing his body wasn't such a fucking mess so he could do something else. Trying to process the objectivity of Geese starting a new family while his only son shuddered with something breaking inside his heart, unraveling due to a constant barrage of tragedies.

Within a couple of minutes of uncontrolled tears, Rock pushed himself back up and wiped at his face slowly. "Sorry…"

"Don't say that word, kid. You're good. It's just been a long irritating day. Wanna get wasted tonight?"

"Huh?" Rock raised his brow a bit. "Is that a good idea?"

"Fuck yeah, it is," Yamazaki smirked like an imp and watched the young man unspool his own anxiety with one look. "Too much reality today."

The suggestion sunk in pretty fast and it caused bit of a smile to spread over Rock's tired face as he nodded. Now would be perfect for the day to just slow down and let wounds heal for a time, if not for the sudden knock on the door. Matilda stood there with her wide and energetic smile that contrasted all the fucking misery today.

"Greetings and salutations, young men. I hear someone needed a doctor?" she moved away from the door as if to cue the two of them to follow her.

As it turned out, one of the massive black blobs moving outside was a small truck with medical supplies in its cargo. The same one that came to Rock's aid on the night of Freeman's attack. A shudder ran down Yamazaki's spine upon seeing it but Rock had no reaction, because he didn't remember, passed out by the time he had been loaded into the vehicle. He was lighter to carry as well. As opposed to now where he had to help Yamazaki's outside, into the back and loaded on a bench. He had to step away so Matilda could pull her trolley across the floor, eventually pressed into the corner and just watching.

"Oh wow. You really got busted. You're lucky that your arm wasn't rendered completely paralyzed. Don't worry, we'll fix it," she concluded, and the smile faded from her face while she slipped on a mask and gloves before preparing her tools. Yamazaki said nothing, turning his attention to Rock in the corner. How small and haggard he looked. Matilda muttering something about anesthesia and something about a syringe brought the attention back to her.

"I'm giving you the anesthesia now," she announced once she was certain she'd be heard, then looked over her shoulder. "And you might wanna look away because it's gonna be bloody."

Stubbornly, Rock remained as he was. Matilda shrugged and injected the anesthetics with a needle into Yamazaki's arm. It took a minute before he really felt it dull his mind and body to the point of a hazy slumber.

Churches, Orochi, blood, sacrifice. Dead fathers, sinning sons. Ryuji floated somewhere between two worlds. Sharp memories of his past, blurs of an unknown future. He saw the corpses of his parents, gunned down in front of him, he saw himself as a child, selling the only thing he had for food and shelter; his body. He saw Sorimachi's mutilated, rotting corpse. Maggots eating the flesh where eyeballs used to be. Worms nibbling at discolored skin. He could smell the blood stagnating the air.

He felt it all again, on his knees, bathed in sunlight through stained glass, his face wet for the first time with salty tears and metallic blood. His heart had been ripped open and laid bare for all to see. To inspect. To scrutinize. To nitpick. To invalidate.

"Humans are vile. Humanity is a mistake. Don't concern yourself with frivolous human creations as pain. It doesn't matter. Your humanity doesn't matter. Your pain is a waste," Goenitz said and put his hand on the head of the man kneeling in front of him. "Rise, Yamazaki. Rise, Hakkeshu of Death. Rise for Orochi."

Rise.

Rise.

Rise.

No. Not like this. Not when it was his fault. His fault for failing. His fault for being weak. Not ever. Not as-

"Hey, you're okay."

It was a voice that stood as little more than distant white noise yet it caused Yamazaki to flinch, still stuck in the dreamlike memory of a knife slicing across his skin but instead of the sting to draw his blood for Orochi, he felt a warm hand in his that he squeezed liberally. It was the reality, he slowly resurfaced to, blinking sleep out of his eyes. The stained glass and Goenitz's silhouette dissolved into the real image of Rock leaning over him, holding his hand firmly. He wanted to hide, feeling so in pain from all the shit that hurt in life. That STD in his soul was like a tumor, growing and throbbing with agony.

"You were dreaming," Rock said gently. "You're okay. I'm here."

Yamazaki's throat ached from the mosaic of satanic reds and stained glass of his dream. He looked down and saw his hand tightly clenching Rock's again, letting once he noted the younger man wince. Looking at his shaking palm, he began to understand why handholding had been necessary; bloody crescents had been dug into his skin.

"Ryuji," Rock called, his voice soft. "Stay put for a while."

The urge to run and hide, to leave, to close up came flooding, smacking Yamazaki across the face and chastising him for not shielding himself. His eyes pricked in a way it hadn't done in years. His body grew tense, but he was still dazed by the drugs. Before his fist could close again, Rock slipped a hand over it and held it. The dream had been there before, just as potent, just as disturbing. Yamazaki never understood why it rattled him so much. He didn't understand why now, of all times, his eyes decided to sting. He sure as hell understood the feeling of shame that broke through it all.

What the hell?

Anxious and bothered, he let himself be helped to sit upright, the world swimming around him for a moment as he breathed out slowly. He heard Matilda say something somewhere, felt a breeze by the entrance to the medic van but didn't answer the questions she tried to pose. A hand rested on his knee, and he looked down at the numerous fresh bandages over his wounds. His ribs were still furiously bruised though but the angry purple and reds had faded into a watercolor splotch of green and yellow. Still aching to the touch.

"Fuck," he breathed out again, sharply this time, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He remained like that even as two hands landed on his knee.

Rock sighed just a bit. "Matilda says you're gonna be good in a month or two for the bullets in your arm. Your ribs are just bruised so that should be gone in a month. Although your leg might take longer. You were lucky that the calibers were small."

He sure looked like someone repeating information given to him rather than actually understanding it. Spoke good things about the path of life he had chosen.

Yamazaki couldn't help but laugh at his ignorant innocence. "Felt like a razor blade slicing my body up with the speed of a bullet train. Like…"

Turning a bit dour, Rock added; "Like being stabbed?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," Matilda came closer with her bright smile. "You're good to go. I stocked up your pain meds by the way. If you have any questions or if something happens, you call!"

Yamazaki simply nodded and allowed himself to be picked up by her and carried out of the medic van and back into the abode. Momentarily, he looked up at the sun and saw how much it had moved. It was probably afternoon. Before long, he sat on the bed and watched the black mass drive away, listening to the world quieting down for once. A door opening, a door closing. Voices talking.

"Sorry, Kim," Rock said, out of view. "I know it was a little…I don't know, suspect? Awkward? Illicit? I…I didn't intend for it to happen this way and then things moved so fast after I bluescreened."

"It was a shock, to say the least. I mean Geese Howard showing up on my doorstep? Mai Shinarui married to him? At least she's dressed like a proper lady now but goodness too much evil in one day," Kim groaned. "But that they came here to help you and Yamazaki is nothing short of promising."

"Rehabilitation?" Rock asked and from the sound of Kim's voice, he was beaming at the suggestion.

"Comes in all kinds of forms!" he exclaimed, then cooled down a bit. "So what does it make you think of him now? I mean…Geese."

There came a long and miserable pause afterward before a hesitant response from Rock. "Good question. I'm still trying to figure that out. Been bombarded with too many revelations today. My head hurts."

Kim hummed ponderously. "I understand. You've been through a whole lot. But you're strong, Rock. You're stronger than you think you are. And there's strength in accepting weakness. There's strength in having your friends around too."

"Yeah…I hope so."

"Of course!" Kim livened right up again. "Oh and by the by, Myeng Swuk is cooking for us all tonight. You should bring Yamazaki over."

"Is she okay with that?" Rock wasn't entirely able to hide his elation. "I've been trying to steer him clear of her and the kids given how he can be uhm colorful to put it eloquently."

"She has been okay with it since she saw how happy he makes you."

A strange sound came from Rock, courtesy of him being flustered. His face was probably beet-red. "A-and the kids?"

"So long as he doesn't cuss in front of them. They're curious about him too. The strange man in black who sticks to Cousin Rock like a schnauzer with a mean look."

Yamazaki almost snorted at that. It was tempting to reveal that he heard everything, but he kept quiet until Kim had left and Rock stood at the bedroom door. Sure enough, his cheeks were a little pink.

"Did you hear everything?" he asked.

"Including the part of me being a mean-looking schnauzer to the cousin," Yamazaki quirked a brow and got the joy of Rock blushing harder.

"About that…" he began, slowly, hesitantly, as it became apparent that there were some things on his mind. And then, more steadily; "Are you okay with going tonight?"

Yamazaki nodded with the feeling that there was still more. "As long as we get wasted afterward."

Rock smiled a bit. "I asked Matilda about it and she said alcohol impairs the healing process. Plus booze and painkillers don't mix. So we'll have to wait a bit. We can watch movies instead. Kim has a projector in the dojang which he uses to show motivational videos to his pupils."

Yamazaki scoffed with disgust. That sure sounded like Kim. He sighed a bit while he felt a warm body sit next to his. Then Rock said; "I think with you being here in my life, with everything that's been going on…I think that would constitute us as family."

For a while, Yamazaki stared at him while the words sank into his brain, bringing forth olden conversations of change and futures. And he said, rather bluntly; "Why? I mean, you can't fix me if that's what you're saying. You're not supposed to fix people. They are supposed to fix themselves. And you know that…other part of me."

He didn't like the slightly wounded look he got in return while he gestured to his injuries, continuing. "And this shit has been a fuckin' nightmare for you. I'm supposed to be an outlier, right? One you like having around when he's around."

"No," Rock protested, a notch irritated.

"Why?"

"Because I love you," he answered, his face reddening again. Dammit, shit. The words really sank in and saturated everything in warm fuzziness, flipping on all defense mechanisms except aggression and hostility. "I love all of you. Even if I don't feel like I have a right to say it."

"You're being…" Yamazaki argued, not sure why his mood was turning at the mention of family. "You're you, Rock and you're dealing with me and this and your piece of shit dad and your cocksucker uncle and blood and murder and everything. Shit's corroding you."

"Yamazaki," Rock snapped out, biting but not unkind in a way that hadn't been seen before. Looking at him, his eyes weren't wet, they weren't glistening. He was fully in control but he was wounded. "I want you. Family takes care of each other. I took care of you, and you took care of me. I'm not leaving. If I'm flying, I'm taking you with me."

Determination filled his eyes, unifying every word he said. Yamazaki chewed the inside of his cheek and looked away, heart full of lingering, alien inadequacies, and warmth. "Damn, fuck. Got it. A wolf with wings, huh?"

Rock sighed. "I'm not blaming you for reacting like that. You didn't have a family before, right? And Sorimachi is dead. I know it's like a lot to drop onto you and it sucks ass but I love you and I really mean it. And if I'm going anywhere, I won't leave before you're with me. Viper and everything."

It stung.

Fucking Rock had been two and two together over the course of hearing that name, huh? Yamazaki felt his body trembling when he looked up at the younger man. "Okay. I guess I just expected you to ditch once this whole thing cleared up. You know with Geese and shit. He said I should keep you happy until the day you left."

"He can go sit on a spiked bat and spin for all I care with that. You have more going for you than you think," Rock laughed, sweet and affectionate as Yamazaki lowered his gaze a bit.

"Not much, wolfy," he uttered, yet a little flustered. Surprised that he even had the ability to be flustered.

"I beg to differ," Rock deadpanned. "I'm not going anywhere and that's the end of it. Got it? Because if not, I'll have to shut you up with duct tape. Family does that to each other too."

Right. Family. Yamazaki let that sink in and thought, for a moment, about the only times that he had people who fit that label. Both times had ended in tragedy. It had almost the same way with this third attempt, and he sometimes wondered if that dream from the hotel had been prognostic. That didn't stop him from catching strong feelings. Didn't stop him from denying them for the longest time.

But family for a third time. It was a beacon of light, promising good honest things and he liked how it made him feel. Yeah. Okay. He could live with that. But something had to give. There needed to be a change. He just didn't know what that was yet.

"Maybe if you suck me off, I'll consider," he smirked just a bit, completely facetious. Though the flush on Rock's cheeks was a treat. "Just kidding, wolfy."

"Not until you can walk without me having to carry you everywhere," Rock mumbled a bit. He was still a pup at heart, wasn't he?

Yamazaki looked away, finding his emotions a jumble of various, unfamiliar things with no end, or beginning. Maybe. Maybe he was beginning to see through the haze of uncertainty, he had put over the trajectory of his life, trudging through its path with the shards and shrapnel still lodged in his back. Pieces falling out, bit by bit? The blood around him lessening? As of late, the world he lived in felt just a bit brighter.

"…Thanks, Rock," he said after a long pause, not entirely sure why. "Thanks for being absolutely batshit fuckin' insane. But the good kind of it."

Rock scratched the back of his neck, face turning redder. "Thank you for saving me…back then in the warehouse."

A strange feeling settled over Yamazaki, and he tensed all over. He breathed into it, breathed into the sensation, and reminded himself that he had feelings and he had a fucking heart. It just needed to retract its spikes a little. Horrified and awkward little spikes shooting out in defense. The bed lifted a bit and Rock stood up, stepping in front of him to cup his face and kiss him briefly.

"I love you. It feels crazy nice to finally say it and not feel guilt," he said with a little laugh. Trembling but happy. "Need anything?"

"Sure," Yamazaki answered by leaning forward to kiss him. "Aside from that, I need to be in charge of picking the film. Gotta pick something family-friendly for you, kid."

For the first time in a while, Rock bubbled with laughter. He ran a hand through his hair and scoffed. "Fuck you."

"Fuck you too."