Tears of the Mind (Redux)

by Firestorm808

Sometimes, we must do what is absolutely necessary to survive—even things we aren't proud of. Jaune Arc had been taken against his will to a world he wished never existed and was forced to do things he wished he never had to do, including taking lives to spare his own. When he returns, though, will he truly be there? Or is he just a fragment of who he used to be?

5. The Unwelcomed Sense of Belonging

Chapter 05: The Unwelcomed Sense of Belonging

The room was silent as all eyes were on Jaune. He looked at Nora, who was now in front of him, and the one thing he could see in her eyes was hurt. He could safely assume that most were hurt or angry at this news.

"While Ren and Pyrrha are heavy sleepers, I'm not. A downside of living on my own when I was little." Nora said, breaking the silence. "I woke up hearing you grunting in your sleep. It sounded like you were having a nightmare. I was about to wake you up when you woke up on your own. I could see you sweating and gasping. I didn't know what to think when you left, so I followed. That's when I saw you steal a bottle from the pantry." She noticed that Jaune's hands tightened, and she stepped toward him, all while having an intense glare. "You've only been back for a day, and I can already tell something's wrong." As soon as she said this, she turned on her heel and headed to Rens's side, who looked shocked at both his leader's actions and Nora's upfront behavior.

"Mr. Arc, is this true?" Ozpin asked as he leaned slightly forward, propping his elbows on the desk.

Jaune stood there. His hands tightened, and they could hear his teeth grind against one another. "Yes."

The headmaster sent him a stern look. "May I ask why you thought that was a wise decision?"

Jaune sighed. "Why else do people drink? To forget."

For a moment, the image of Qrow overlapped Jaune in Ozpin's mind. 'Oh, dear.'

"W-What?!" his mother screamed. Her eyes were wide with a mix of anguish.

Jaune looked over her shoulder and saw that his team and Ruby had the same expression. However, his stern expression didn't falter.

"The things I saw. The things I did. They linger in my mind. To forget the painful memories, I drown myself in alcohol. Is that so hard to understand?" he relented.

His mother put her hands to her mouth, unsure what to say.

"I've had my suspicions, but was your experience there truly that severe?" Ozpin asked, causing the attention to be aimed at his question. Everyone in the room grew surprised that Jaune scoffed at this.

"It was life or death. It was one of the few things that kept me sane." Jaune's eyes narrowed. "Even after coming back, I still needed it. Is that too much to ask?" Jaune's hands tightened.

Nora's expression was frustrated. She understood why Jaune didn't immediately contact them, but it didn't help her feel better. "We get that you were drugged and kidnapped." Jaune's family grew visibly shocked when they heard this coming from the bomber. "But we can't help solve your problem if we don't know the problem."

"And why wouldn't we believe you?" Ren then interjected as he walked to Nora's side. "Yesterday, you said we wouldn't believe you if you told us."

Jaune looked back at his friend with melancholy eyes. "Even now, I want to lie to myself in the mirror. I wanted to think it was all a nightmare, but it wasn't."

"For what it's worth, Mr. Arc, perhaps you could help us better understand the situation?" Ozpin breathed slowly. "Beacon was built to help support our students with the right resources. I have my guesses, but I'd rather not assume the worst."

Jaune looked around the room. He noticed that everyone besides his father was giving him nothing but concern. He wanted to refuse. He wanted to just leave, head back to his motel room, and get wasted. The only problem with that scenario was that it was time to man up and get some semblance of help. "Let me just start by saying that it was the worst."

The room frowned deeply at the implication.

Jaune let out a breath to reassure himself. "About a month ago, I went into Vale to deal with personal issues. At some point, it became a blur. I wasn't in Vale anymore. Suffice to say, I was drugged and kidnapped."

His mother gasped.

"I don't know where on Remnant they took me, but I only know that the place was called Columbia."

#

Jaune walked up the stairs of the lighthouse to find a corpse with a bag on its head. "Shit..." Atop the lighthouse, he solved the bell puzzle. The sky glowed red as a foghorn blew into the night. "What in the world...?" The noise finally subsides, and the door opens. "Alright. Looks like they expect me to sit in their fancy chair." He proceeded to do so. "So now what-" Then the chair activated hand restraints. "The hell?"

The loudspeakers activated. "Make yourself ready, pilgrim. The bindings are there as a safeguard."

"This can't be good...aah!" Metal sections rose from the floor and locked him into a small rocket. "No, no...dammit!" He was already airsick on a Bullhead. How much more on a damn rocket?!

"Ascension...ascension in the count of five... Count of four... Three..."

"No, no, no..."

"Two... One..."

"No...!"

"Ascension...ascension..."

The rocket shot off. He could see the clouds passing by his window.

Jaune took a breath. "Just stay calm..." He could feel the bile churn in his stomach.

"Five thousand feet...ten thousand feed...fifteen thousand feet..." The rocket broke through the clouds to reveal a cityscape. "Hallelujah."

When I first saw Columbia, I thought the city looked so beautiful.

"Wha...?"

The rocket came to rest in a chapel, landed on a platform, and was taken underground. Religious verses were visible on the way down.

'Why would he send his savior unto us,'

'If we will not raise a finger for our own salvation?'

'And though we deserved not his mercy,'

'He has led us to this New Eden.'

'A last chance for redemption.'

When he was finally released from the rocket, Jaune saw a stained glass mural of a bearded man surrounded by people pointing towards a city in the sky.

'And the Prophet shall lead the people to the New Eden.'

As he stepped out, he felt ankle-deep water around his feet. At one of the pews, he found coins and a book titled The Word of the Prophet. Further down the hall, he came across more murals and signs.

'The seed of the prophet shall sit the throne and drown in flame the mountains of man.'

"From what I could tell, this place was devout to their religion."

In another room was another stained glass window, but this one was of a regal-looking woman in a stunning blue outfit. 'And In My Womb Shall Grow The Seed of the Prophet'

He made his way forward, looking around, and saw a small altar on the raised stone steps. To the right was an inlet with her portrait hanging above more candles as if for prayer. There, he found a strange recording device. "Love the Prophet because he loves the sinner. Love the sinner because he is you. Without the sinner, what need is there for a redeemer? Without sin, what grace has forgiveness?"

Another large stained glass window, but this one had a man, a woman, and a baby in his arms. 'The Lamb. The future of our city.'

"Gotta find the exit out of this place."

He saw a man dressed in white robes waiting at the top of some stairs that led down to somewhere unknown. "Excuse me? Where am I?"

The Male Pilgrim bowed. "Heaven, friend. Or as close as we'll see till Judgment Day."

"Right..."

Downstairs, he found a massive cathedral room with angelic statues and columns everywhere and more white-robed worshipers all around praying in knee-high water.

Preacher Witting stood in a pool of water surrounded by followers at the entrance to the city. "And every year on this day of days, we recommit ourselves to our city, to our Prophet, Father Comstock. We recommit through sacrifice and the giving of thanks and by submerging ourselves in the sweet water of baptism. And lo, if the Prophet had struck down our enemies at Wounded Knee and not railed against the Sodom beneath us, it would have been enough. If the Prophet had just railed against the Sodom beneath us but not accepted the three golden gifts of the Founders, it would have been enough. If the Prophet had just accepted the three golden gifts of the Founders and not prayed for our deliverance, it would have been enough. If the Prophet had only prayed for our deliverance and not led us to this New Eden, it would have been enough. If the Prophet had just led us to this New Eden and not purged the vipers of the Orient, it would have been enough. If the Prophet had just purged the vipers of the Orient but not suffered the sacrifice of his beloved, it would have been enough. If the Prophet had just suffered the sacrifice of his beloved but not expelled the Vox Populi, it would have been enough!"

Jaune slowly made my way towards the circle, listening to the preacher. Above him was another verse that gave him pause: 'The Path of Forgiveness is the Only Way to the City.'

With nothing to lose, Jaune entered the prayer circle with the others.

Witting took note of Jaune. "Is it someone new? Someone from the Sodom below? Newly come to Columbia to be washed clean before our Prophet, our Founders, our Lord?"

Jaune sighed and followed what the twin asked of him. "I just need passage into the city."

Witting raised a brow. "Passage to the city? Haha. Brother, the only way to Columbia is through rebirth in the sweet waters of baptism. Will you be cleansed, brother?"

Jaune blanched. He wanted no part in their ceremony. "Hey, I'm just looking to pass through."

The Pilgrim Crowd only pushed for him to do it.

"Go on, brother."

"Glory be!"

"Reach out, brother!"

"Praise be to the Founders!"

"Cleanse yourself, brother!"

"Hallelujah!"

"Praise the Lord!"

"Take his hand."

"Praise be to the Founders! Praise be the Lord!"

There was no turning back. I had no choice but to take part in their customs. I needed to be washed of my sins to enter the city.

Jaune reluctantly accepted, and the preacher took his hand. "...hey!"

Witting smiled. "I baptize you, in the name of our Prophet, in the name of our Founders, in the name of our Lord! And make him born again, in the bosom of Columbia!" He dunked Jaune in the water and held him under for several seconds. When he allowed Jaune back up to breathe, he was skeptical of his cleans and put Jaune under once more.

"I don't know, brothers and sisters! But this one doesn't look clean to me..."

Against his will, Jaune was dunked again until his vision went black.

"I nearly drowned."

Sometime later, Jaune woke up in a reflection pool of sorts. He continued walking toward the city; he heard the pilgrims repeating mantras.

"And how do we know this was the new Eden? Are we to rely upon our own pride to make it so?"

"No, because our pride cannot make it so."

"We know because the Angel Columbia favored our Founders with three gifts of gold."

"To Father Washington, she granted a sword of gold so that Eden would have strength that set her above all other nations."

"To Father Franklin: a key of gold, so that Eden might have industry that set her above all other nations."

"To Father Jefferson: a scroll, so that Eden might have laws that set her above all other nations."

"And so each year, we recommit ourselves to our Founders and our Prophet."

"…and recommit to our Prophet."

"So that we may follow in the Prophet's path."

"AMEN."

'What is Columbia, if not another Ark for another time?' read a sign.

"Our Prophet fills our lungs with water, so they may better love the air."

"He who crossed the Delaware, with flaming sword and wings of angels… watch over me and lend me strength. Shield my mind from fear and doubt so that I may hold fast against all invaders. Father Washington, hear my prayer."

"…a paragon of virtue, a rebel against ignorance and tyranny. Share with me your wisdom, and let the light of your good judgment shine like a beacon through the darkness. Father Jefferson, hear my prayer."

"…that there is no chance or luck, only providence, and that you see its divine hand at work, you discern the transmundane. Your inspiration and imagination transcend mere science and open our eyes to the mystery. Father Franklin, hear my prayer."

"By the Sword… And the Scroll… And the Key. Amen."

"This place had a few religious zealots, but the rest seemed okay. I just had to make sure not to piss any of them off, right?"

Jaune entered New Eden Square and saw a parade float by.

Parade Director shouted. "After the victory at Wounded Knee, the angel of Columbia did present herself to Father Comstock and show him a vision of the future. And so our Prophet led the people away from the Sodom Below, up, up into the city, where they created an even more perfect union. But it was the miracle child, the lamb, that is the future of our city. For the Prophet has said that she in the tower will lead the Sodom Below into righteousness."

"It seemed that I arrived during Columbia's Raffle and Fair."

Jaune made his way up some steps, where he saw more people chatting about and a grocery store on my right with what appeared to be a florist shop. On the side of a building just in front was another large billboard, only this time with a grim reaper, the representation of death, leading a young lamb away from the angelic statue from before. 'The False Shepherd Seeks Only to Lead Our Lamb Astray.'

Through an archway, he saw a gigantic floating angel statue on the horizon. "Yeah, that's where they said I'd find her."

"Telegram, Mr. Arc."

Jaune looked down to see a young boy with a yellow telegram for me. "Huh..."

"Telegram for you, sir."

He took it from the boy and handed him a silver piece to thank him.

"Wow! Thanks," he said with a wide grin, then skipped off.

The hunter in training looked at the telegram."Jaune STOP. Do not alert your presence. STOP. Whatever you do, do not pick #77 STOP. Lutece. What the...?"

After more walking due to a detour, Jaune tried out all of the booths at the fair. After several tries, he managed to collect the top prizes.

"The city was different from Vale in many aspects. I was surprised to see mechanical horses and cigarettes available to kids." Jaune refrained from mentioning his own smoking habit there.

A game of heads or tails left the Letuce Twins with a happy little grin across Rosalind's face before it vanished like it was never there.

"Things seemed alright at first. The city was in the middle of a fair. The people seemed nice, and the area was pleasant, to say the least. It was when I won a raffle that everything went to shit."

Jaune went to the lottery drawing's stage, where Jeremiah Fink spoke to the crowd. "Splendid, haha! And now, the 1912 Raffle has officially begun!"

"Hey, mister! Mister!" Jaune found a girl with many lottery balls in a basket. "Wouldn't you like a ball?"

Jaune shook his head and felt the few coins in his pocket. "Sorry, I don't have little money."

The girl giggled. "Silly, there's never a charge for the raffle. You been sleeping under a rock?"

He shrugged, picked a ball, and drew. "Seventy-seven..."

"Seventy-seven? That's a lucky number. I'll be rooting for you."

"Thanks."

On the stage, Fink spoke out. "Bring me the bowl! Is that not the prettiest young white girl in all of Columbia? Haha!"

Jaune raised a brow and the compliment.

Fink picked the winning ball. "All right then...the winner is...number seventy-seven!"

"Well, what do you know?

The girl from earlier pointed him out. "Over here! Over here! He's the winner!"

"In such a place, there was no Grimm. There were only humans. There shouldn't have been anything to divide the people, but I was sorely wrong."

Fink smiled. "Number seventy-seven, come and claim your prize!"

"First throw," Fink said as his voice changed from excited to downright menacing. Jaune noticed some props on stage made to look like tall grass moving out of the way, along with some large props that looked like caricatured monkeys at a wedding. However, the tied-up couple being moved in front of the crowd made his blood stop cold. He could hear that chants of 'first throw' fade into background noise. The man was blonde with a ragged-looking tuxedo jacket, bruises on his bare chest, and ripped slacks. The woman tied next to him was in a similar state, although she was only dressed in an old potato sack that contrasted terribly with her dark skin.

The bride pleaded. "Please...please don't do this."

The groom tried to spare her. "It was me. It was all me! Please, please! No... Please, what are you doing?!"

Fink looked at Jaune with the ball in hand. "Come on, are you gonna throw it...or are you taking your coffee black these days? Hahahahahaha!"

The groom cried. "Let her go, please! I'm the one you want!"

"My prize was to throw a ball at a couple whose only crime was being of a different skin color. I had never seen anything like it. Neither of them had any Faunus traits. It was just their skin color, and they wanted me to beat them for it. They both pleaded for mercy to the crowd, which fell on deaf ears. Just... Why?"

Jaune stared at the ball with the number 77. At that moment, Jaune started to make the connection to the earlier telegram. He had fucked up already. He felt rage rise like nothing ever felt before as he glared at Fink, who was riling up the crowd.

Fink raised a brow at his silence. "Oh, looks like we've got a shy one here! Hahaha... We've gotta do something about that! Time's a-wasting, my boy! Why don't you give her a throw!"

The shock and anger within slowly built until Jaune couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I reared my arm back with the ball in hand, fully intent on putting it right at Fink's head. Unfortunately, my arm was grabbed, stopping the throw. An officer had caught my arm on the backswing, and another slipped up to my other side and roughly grabbed my other arm."

The policeman sneered. "The False Shepherd!"

Fink scoffed. "And we ain't lettin' no False Shepherd into our flock, haha! Show him we got planned, boys!"

One cop held Jaune still while the other raised a rotating device on his wrist, some grappling gadget. They revved the weapon like a chainsaw, and the cop aimed it straight for Jaune's face. On instinct, he dodged the spinning blades and pushed the other cop forward. Jaune didn't know what he was expecting, but I didn't expect the hook to cut through the guy's face like a hot blade through butter.

Jaune's eyes hardened as he looked down at his sword and skyhook. "Unfortunately, they were expecting me. They called me the False Shepherd."

Jaune's father raised a brow skeptically until his wife glared at him.

Jaune sighed. "Needless to say, things went to hell. One minute, everyone was smiling; the next, they were trying to kill me." He looked over to Pyrrha, whose eyes couldn't get wider. "And that was my life there, trying by any means necessary to escape. As soon as I got back, I needed to be alone. I honestly tried to call you all, but I was kind of not all right in the head." He fell silent, indicating that he was done with his story.

Ozpin softened his expression. "You had to kill to survive, didn't you?"

Maria Arc didn't take this question too well. "No..."

Alexander held up his hands. "Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that my son had the heart to start killing people."

Ozpin shook his head. "Alex, we both know how desperate people can be when pushed into a corner."

Blake thought about the rhetoric used by the White Fang's rebellion. "Back a mouse into a corner, and he'll attack a lion."

Ren recalled a book he had read. "If an army is completely surrounded with no option to retreat and must either fight or die, then they will fight with triple the spirit of a normal warrior."

Slowly, the possibility dawned on the room. Jaune decided to settle the matter. Pulling out Crocea Mors, he showed everyone the flat of the blade. That surprise turned to confusion as Jaune took a red cloth from his back pocket and rubbed at the blade.

It took a few seconds for Ozpin's eyes to widen at the familiar scent.

Jaune showed them what the Arc heirloom looked like without the metallic paint Jaune had applied to it a few days prior.

Alexander's mouth gaped as he saw the fresh bloodstains coating the entire sword. Some areas were darker than others, indicating that he had been using this sword for a while.

"This cloth used to be white, you know. At some point, I stopped caring about keeping the blade clean." Jaune looked at his mother, whose hands were clasped around her mouth. His older sisters were all shocked to see that the sword that had shone through the darkness for generations now stained blood.

"It was hard," Jaune broke the silence. "It was really hard the first time. I still can't unsee that man getting his head split in two." Jaune eyed his father, not knowing what emotions he had seen in the man. "I'd rather not have the reminder on my person anymore. I guess you can have what you want, Dad. You can have the sword back."

Alexander said nothing as he gave his son a tense nod, accepting the sheathing Crocea Mors.

Jaune turned to the headmaster and folded his arms. "So, what now?"

Ozpin looked at Jaune before sighing. "Your story has been enlightening in some aspects, but I see no reason to retract your enrollment. " Ozpin leaned forward. "You passed the entrance exams. I don't see why you must leave Mr. Arc."

Jaune's shoulders slumped a bit with relief.

"However, there are still other items to address. You will serve two weeks of detention for breaking into the staff kitchen. While I have no control over what you do off-campus, I must remind everyone that drinking and intoxication are not allowed on campus."

Jaune mentally groaned at this but decided to keep calm and listen to what else Ozpin had to say.

"In light of your recent experiences, I advise that you take an hour out of Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for counseling with Doctor Oobleck."

Jaune raised an eyebrow at this, along with his team.

"Besides his teaching license, Doctor Oobleck is also a licensed therapist. You are not the first huntsman to experience such trauma in the field, and you won't be the last. We at Beacon care for our students' and alumni's mental health. Will that suffice, Maria?"

Jaune's mother steps forward with a forced but gentle smile. "I can trust Oobleck," she said. "He was a good friend, after all."

Jaune gawked at this last remark.

His mother nodded. Maria saw that her husband was about to interject but grew silent at the deadly glare Maria gave him. When making decisions involving her kids, especially her son, her word was law. "I also want a monthly check-up call to ensure things are okay. I don't want to lose contact with him again."

Jaune accepted it calmly.

"Alright then. I hope you all have a good day." Ozpin saw the troubled look in Alexander's eyes. Ozpin responded with a harsh glare, which seemed to help the huntsman leave much more quickly. As the Arcs were leaving, Jaune's older sisters passed by him, giving him sympathetic looks and hugs, hoping he would be okay. His mother was the last one in the elevator before she stopped before him.

"If you do anything stupid, I will come here full force." She glared at him before softening her expression.

"I believe you." Jaune hugged her and saw her go to the elevator with the rest of his family. As the doors closed, his eyes softened as he saw the blood-stained blade one last time. Jaune took a few moments to look at the doors before returning to the headmaster.

"Now that that's over, it is time to review some new rules for you and your team, Mr. Arc."

Jaune silently gulped at this, and his team felt a little weary of what Ozpin had to say.

"At this time, I cannot, in good faith, allow you to go off-campus without supervision. Ms. Nikos will accompany you."

Jaune sighed at this while his partner mentally cheered.

"You will be able to walk freely around Beacon." Ozpin then glared at the blonde in front of him. "If you receive more infractions, you can kiss your independence goodbye. Should things escalate, I will have to enforce inspections of your belongings."

Jaune quickly nodded.

Ozpin sighed. "Mr. Arc. I know that you went through something traumatic, and I can't imagine what else you've experienced. No one will force you to do anything. Processing events like this take time. We will all be patient with you. Your team and friends care for your well-being. Remember that, Mr. Arc."

Jaune nodded one last time before he and his friends headed to the elevator.

As the doors closed, Ozpin let out a sigh.

"I have a bad feeling Alexander Arc isn't taking the situation well," Goodwitch told the headmaster, who massaged his temple.

"I agree. We will do what we can to help Jaune in this dilemma. He is a legal adult, so his parents have no control over him."

Goodwitch looked at Ozpin with confusion, and his gaze softened on the file in front of him that contained a copy of Jaune's birth certificate.

"He turned eighteen last month. What worries me is that I don't think he's realized it yet. You saw it in his eyes when he looked at his father, Glynda."

Goodwitch's eyes widened a bit at this. "What are you saying, Ozpin?"

Ozpin sighed. "Either Jaune doesn't care about the matter, or he was so busy fighting that he didn't even realize it. And judging by the condition his sword was in, I will safely assume it was the latter."

#

AN: Special thanks to Jebest4781, Charles, and Seana!

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