Episode 41:

One Grew Over the Kuno's Nest

If you're wondering why this isn't being put up as a movie like the others, it's because this was just an episode with a larger budget.

FEATURING THE VOICE TALENTS OF:

TED COLE as Tatewaki Kuno
TERYL ROTHERY as Kodachi Kuno
TERRY KLASSEN as Toramasa
ROBERT O. SMITH as Sasuke Sarugakure, Genma Saotome
SARAH STRANGE as Ranma (male)
MICHAEL DOBSON [listed as MIKEY DOBSON] as Kenma Saotome
KOZO SHIOYA as Legendary Phoenix
MYRIAM SIROIS as Akane Tendo
TERRY MACGOVERN as Jinn
LISA BUNTING as Nodoka Saotome
WILLOW JOHNSON as Kasumi Tendo
DAVID KAYE as Soun Tendo
MICHAEL DONOVAN as Ryoga Hibiki (Wilbur, human)
ANGELA COSTAIN as Nabiki Tendo
VENUS TERZO as Ranma Saotome (female)
KELLY SHERIDAN as Ukyo Kuonji
CATHY WESELUCK as Shampoo, Atsuko

"The legendary egg of the Phoenix…?" mused Kuno.

"Impressive, isn't it?" asked Mr. Toramasa (we met him in an offscreen adventure, btw). "It's said to be a sort of magic charm for martial artists. Apparently the owner of the egg can master the arcane sword technique, Ho'oken!"

Kodachi rubbed her chin skeptically. "It looks like an ostrich egg with a big sticker on it," she mused. "How exactly can you be sure you aren't getting ripped off, brother dear?"

"Do not be ridiculous, twisted sister of mine," Kuno retorted. "Were I to claim that egg for myself, I would finally be able to defeat my hated enemy, Ranma Saotome!"

"Sorry, bub, no sale," remarked Mr. Toramasa.

"What?!" Kuno exclaimed. "Don't be daft, man! Surely we can agree on SOME price!"

"No can do." the elderly shopkeeper insisted. "Not that I believe in that mystic mumbo-jumbo, but I wouldn't sell this to ya if you slapped me with a wad of bills-"

Kuno then drew out a wad of bills, and slapped the man across the face like a pimp who'd just made a withdrawal from his bank account.

"S-sold…sold…" Mr. Toramasa groaned.

SOME TIME LATER…

The Kunos and Sasuke had left the store with the freshly purchased egg.

"Gaze upon it, Sasuke…it says shining light, as in MY invincible glory." Tatewaki gushed.

"But Master Kuno, you remember what he said before, right?" asked Sasuke.

A FEW MINUTES AGO…

"Listen, if you're so intent on having it, I'll sell it to ya," said Toramasa. "But never, ever, under ANY circumstances, put the fool thing on your head!"

Turns out it wasn't a few minutes ago, he was just standing on Kuno's head.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Kuno shouted as he knocked the merchant off his head and into the sky. "As if I would EVER do something so imbecilic…"

"Heads up!" called a voice. Kuno turned a split second before…

SMACK!

A baseball hit him, straight in the face, making him drop his egg.

"Master Kuno!" Sasuke gasped.

Luckily, Ranma caught the egg. "Whoa! You ok there, buddy?"

Kuno immediately rounded on him. "GIVE ME THAT EGG, YOU BOORISH BRUTE!" he roared, wielding his bokken, before getting a sandal to the face.

"Don't blow a blood vessel, your egg ain't scrambled yet," Ranma insisted as he placed the egg right on Kuno's head. "See? Not even a hairline fracture!"

Sasuke gasped. "M-master Kuno!" he exclaimed.

"I told you not to do that!" Mr. Toramasa said, backing off before breaking into a run. "YOU CAN'T PIN THIS ON ME!"

"What have you done…" Kuno muttered.

"What's with you?" asked Ranma.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU STUPID FOOL?!" Kuno screamed, before the egg started to crack, light seeping from between the cracks.

In a sudden, blinding flash of light, the egg was completely engulfed!

"The Phoenix…. it's hatching!" Sasuke cried.

Ranma looked at him, confused. "...phoenix?"

"You know, bro," said Kenma as he came over. "...I feel we are missing a lot of context."

"Mm-hm! I really need to stop rushing into things," said Ranma.

"Yup," his brother agreed.

Soon, the light faded, and revealed the dreaded Phoenix, in all its terrifying glory.

"It's awake! IT'S A MONSTER!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"It's…a bird." Ranma said in sheer disbelief.

Kodachi took another look. "And a very ugly one, to boot…" she noted.

Sitting where the Phoenix Egg had once been was a fuzzy, fat yellow bird with massive eyes. It looked less like a phoenix and more like an overfed canary.

Ranma looked at it curiously, while its eyes focused right on his face.

And once it had gotten a good look at him, it drew back…and it started pecking him on the head. Over, and over, and over.

"Hey, cut it out, ya gooney bird!" Kenma shouted, winding up to punch the 'phoenix'...before its eyes flashed with a blinding light, making Kenma stumble backwards as he clutched his eyes in pain. "Rats! I can't see!"

"Ahh! Turn it off!" the ponytailed boy said as he shielded his eyes.

"An opening!" exclaimed Kuno as he grabbed his bokken and smacked Ranma right on the head.

KRAK!

The resulting impact left a teacup-sized lump on the ponytailed boy's head.

"Ugh! I'm a little teapot, short and stout…" Ranma babbled before plopping to the ground.

Tatewaki glanced at his fallen opponent in awe. "So…I have beaten Ranma Saotome!" he exclaimed. "Truly, the power of the Phoenix is something to behold!"

"All it did was peck and blind him, then you smacked his head…" Kodachi stated. "Even I could see that, brother dear."

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: We decided to have Kodachi start being the more grounded/down-to-earth of the Kuno siblings, because we decided that having them BOTH be delusional boneheads would just be two flavors of crazy. Plus, it would get bothersome fast—especially if they're going to be paired up more often from now on]

"Hold your tongue, my twisted sister; it was my cunning and skill that defeated Ranma Saotome," insisted Kuno. "For all it took was a fierce swing and a deft jerk!"

Kodachi rolled her eyes. "Alright, you deft jerk. Are we done now?" she asked.

"Yes, let us leave this depressing scene." the arrogant swordsman answered.

"Huh? What'd he say?" asked Ranma, awakening from his daze.

"Are you deaf, Saotome? I said I'm taking my leave," responded Kuno, while the bird kept on pecking at Ranma, squawking furiously.

"Well, by all means…DON'T LET US STOP YOU!" Kenma retorted.

"Take!" Ranma started.

"Your bird!" Kenma continued.

"AND GO!" they both exclaimed, as they booted Kuno over the horizon, bird, bokken and all.

"Well, I suppose that means me too." Kodachi said as she leapt into the air and bounded from rooftop to rooftop. "See you around, I guess."

"Hopefully, that's the end of it," mused Kenma.

SPOILER ALERT: But it wasn't the end of it.

…because the bird came right back down to continue pecking at Ranma.

AND SO, BACK AT HOME…

"So it is real, then?" asked Akane. "Here I thought it was just a myth."

Everyone was sitting at the table, and the Phoenix was pecking away at Ranma's head while he tried to eat.

"Oh, goodness; how cute!" Kasumi smiled.

"Believe me, the novelty wears off fast," Kodachi groused as she ate her rice.

"My sister is right." said Kuno. "I would welcome any chance to rid myself of this insufferable creature."

"For the first time ever, Kuno and I are on the same page," Ranma stated.

"What really confuses me is, why is it so attached to young Saotome?" Sasuke asked.

Nabiki smirked. "Maybe it's in love with him," she joked. "And trying to drill a hole in his skull is just how it attracts mates."

"Hardee-friggin'-har, a boatload o' laughs," Ranma responded as the phoenix just kept on pecking.

"Well, I did see a documentary on TV the other day," mused Soun. "Have any of you heard of imprinting?"

The others glanced at him, confusedly. "Imprinting?" they asked.

Soun took a big bowl and an implement, and began grinding it around. "Like so!"

"Father, that's impasting, with an implement," corrected Kasumi.

Panda-Genma slapped down a mahjong tile, and Soun adjusted his. "Bingo! It's an all-pong hand!" he exclaimed.

"Very good, father!" Kasumi said into a microphone. "Your win is impending!"

"Would you look at that," Nabiki remarked. "Kasumi's improvising, while imparting knowledge."

"So what does 'imprinting' mean…?" asked Akane.

"Now, now, Akane…" Nodoka chided her. "No need to be so…*giggle*...imp-atient!"

"You were really waiting to use that, weren't you?" mused Nabiki.

Kasumi nodded before she explained. "Imprinting is a long-lasting behavioral response to a person or object, formed during the receptive postnatal period," she said.

"Like how when a baby bird sees something, it imprints on this as being its mother!" Nodoka added.

Soun nodded. "But in the case of the phoenix, the first thing IT sees it considers an enemy," he continued. "And will perpetually attack."

"Say WHAT?!" Ranma blurted out.

"I see," nodded Sasuke. "So the bird and Master Kuno are on the same page—they both consider Ranma an enemy!"

"So, the Phoenix has imprinted on my most hated enemy," mused Kuno. "Thus, the course is now clear." And then he scooped Akane up in his arms. "His hold on you is broken! Now we are free to date!"

"SHE'S TAKEN, STUPID!" Aki shouted as he smacked him on the back of his head with a hockey stick.

"Well, how about that," Nabiki smirked as they saw Kuno knocked out from the blow as the bird did nothing to Aki. "How come it didn't attack Aki?"

"Perhaps the Phoenix only recognizes Ranma as the one and only enemy it should focus on?" Kasuki pondered out loud.

"You got that right," Jinn nodded at the theory. "Phoenix are notorious for not just their immortality, they're also stubborn as hell."

And at that, everyone else turned towards Jinn, curious.

"...well, so I've read!" Jinn exclaimed, his forehead sweaty. "Before I came here, I did a lot of research on mythological creatures!"

Nabiki said nothing else, but she just squinted for a few seconds.

"That is what Jinn was im-plying!" Kasumi spoke up.

"...please stop," said Nabiki, her left eye twitching.

"Alright, that's the last one," her older sister said with a light chuckle.

"OK, looks like I'm gonna have to use my ace in the hole." Ranma declared as he transformed into Ranko.

When Kuno saw Ranko, as usual, his eyes lit up. "Ah, the pigtailed girl!" he exclaimed.

"Yoo-Hoo! Kuno!" Ranko called in a flirty manner, while resisting the urge to vomit.

"Come to me, my pigtailed goddess!" he said as he eagerly ran towards her.

"Time for the deep-fat fryer, you poor excuse for a picnic!" the redheaded girl exclaimed as she readied herself for another round with the phoenix.

Alas, once again, the bird's eyes shot open, and Ranko found herself blinded by its light beams. Caught off-guard once more, she received a nasty peck to the skull that knocked her on her ass.

"OWW!" Ranko groaned while rubbing the sore spot on her head.

"Oh, pigtailed girl!" Kuno exclaimed, not really understanding the problem here.

"So that's it then…" Kodachi mused. "Well, I'll be."

[For those of you wondering just HOW Kodachi and Mousse ended up together…we'll do something covering that eventually.]

"Damn, that phoenix wasn't fooled when Ranma turned into Ranko!" Akane observed.

"So a bird is smarter than my brother?" Kodachi responded. "...not the strangest sentence I've uttered in my life, really."

Ranko got to her feet. "Oh, that cruel beast which keeps me away from my one true love~!" she sobbed. "Such a shame…here I was, ready to give myself to you utterly!...so either the bird goes, or I do!"

Tatewaki stumbled back in shock. "G-get rid of it?" he asked, bewildered. "But you MUST understand, pigtailed girl! Without its power, I could not have defeated my longtime enemy Ranma Saotome!"

"Oh, I see…all you care about is power!" Ranko sniffled. "Then I guess this is goodbye. Unless you choose—you can't have us BOTH!"

Inside, Soun and the others were eating sandwiches and drinking juice cans. Soun, of course, was wearing a business suit.

"A stakeout, Father?" asked Kasumi. "How im-posing!"

Nabiki slammed her face into the table, groaning.

Kuno was beyond conflicted at this point. "I…I shall have you BOTH!" he exclaimed as he leapt at him, but Ranko slapped him away.

"THE HELL WITH THAT!" she shouted. "YOU GOTTA DECIDE, DAMNIT!"

Kenma watched as he tucked into the sandwiches. "It's disturbing how often this sort of thing happens…" he mused.

"But I've already made my decision, my love." the swordsman firmly stated. "I will have both you and the phoenix."

"NO!" Ranko shouted, jabbing a finger in his chest. "You can only have one or the other! You don't like it? Tough shit!"

"Akane, you know what to do." Nabiki said as she handed her sister a mallet.

"Yep!" Akane agreed before whacking Kuno over the head with it, knocking him out cold.

SOME TIME LATER…

"Honestly!" Ranko fumed as she pulled the door open and entered the bathroom. "I wish I never put the stupid egg on his damn head to begin with!"

She then sighed as she undressed herself, then squeezed some shampoo onto her head to lather up. Alas, this was suddenly interrupted by Kuno bursting into the restroom.

"What the hell's wrong with you?!" Ranko shouted. "Just because the principal's your dad doesn't give you the right to ignore common fuckin' courtesy!"

"Please, pigtailed girl, you must forgive my intrusion!" Kuno exclaimed. "This misbegotten bird atop my head has forced me in here against my will!"

"I DIDN'T SEE THAT BIRD OPENIN' THE DOOR!" snapped Ranko, before Kuno grabbed her wrists.

"Why rail against fate?" he asked. "Even if we wish to be parted, destiny brings us together…and that is why, in spite of my Phoenix, let us enter the bath together!"

"That's it!" Ranko bellowed; she then wrapped the showerhead cord around Kuno's neck, and proceeded to wring it like a wet sponge.

Surprisingly, the phoenix started writhing around in pain while on top of Kuno's head.

OK, that's weird… Ranko thought to herself as she took notice of this little detail. It could be useful later.

Just then, Kenma opened the door. "I heard a shout, what happened?" he asked.

"Nothin' to report, Ken. Just taking care of an uninvited guest." Ranko explained as Kuno and the phoenix fell limply to the floor.

"So you took one out, and both were KO'd?" mused Kenma. "...that's new. You don't suppose…"

"...that the phoenix has found a new host and is latching onto him?" asked Mr. Toramasa, poking his head in through the window. "Not that I believe in such things, mind you…but supposedly this happened the last time a Phoenix egg hatched."

"Host? You make it sound like this thing's a parasite or somethin'." Ranko said with a raised eyebrow.

"Or like some sort of symbiote," mused Kenma. "Something that feeds off of Kuno's over-competitive nature and twists him to its will, using his body as a puppet so as to accomplish its desires."

"Of course…there is a way to get rid of the problem," continued Mr. Toramasa.

"Yeah?!" the brothers asked. "OUT WITH IT!"

"Once the Phoenix matures, it will leave its perch behind," explained Toramasa. "And it should only take about a century."

The bathroom was silent for about two minutes.

"WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME!" bellowed both brothers.

"Then again, I do have a recipe for pills that'll help speed up the growing process." the elderly shopkeeper said as he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a scroll. "Not that I personally believe—"

"Yeah, yeah, you don't believe it!" Kenma cut him off. "Just give us the cocka-doody scroll already!"

"Sure, I'll give it to ya. For a measly sum of ¥1,000,000 ." Torimasa tried to bargain.

"Hmm…how does a broken arm sound to you?" Ranma asked, cracking his knuckles.

"Sounds like this is on sale for ¥150." Torimasa replied back.

"Sold!" Nabiki said as she paid the man and took a look at the scroll.

"Pleasure doin' business with ya!" Ranma added. "...by the way, when did you get in here, Nabiki?"

"I heard the sound of a cheap price and came runnin'!" Nabiki responded.

"That sounds just like you," smirked Kenma. "Anyways, we'll definitely need to get started on these pills. And the sooner, the better!"

"By all means, allow me to pass the message along," said Sasuke as he was writing down the instructions and ingredients on a notepad.

"Sure, go for it." Ranma urged.

"After all, many hands make light work," Kenma responded. "Or something like that."

"Look, we should be fine…" said Ranma. "Just as long as Akane doesn't try to help with the recipe or anything."

SHORTLY…

Alright, we have good news and bad news.

"Good news first," said Kenma.

OK, for starters, Nodoka and Kasumi have gotten to work on those gro-pills.

"All right!" Ranma exclaimed.

Which brings us to the bad news: Akane wanted to help, and now half of those pills are liquid.

"...there's that other shoe," Kenma sighed.

While Kuno was still unconscious, Akane tried to feed the liquified pills to the phoenix.

"Come on! Open up!" she urged as she held the spoon in front of the bird's beak. But that bird was stubborn. It clenched its beak shut, refusing to open up.

"I said, OPEN UP!" Akane growled, reaching over and plucking a few feathers off the phoenix's hide, making it squawk in agony, and she seized the moment to pour the liquid into its mouth and make it swallow.

"See? It's not so bad, now is it?" the tomboy said before being engulfed in flames. "Oh, right… Phoenix. In that case…" She immediately proceeded to scream as she dropped to the floor and rolled around to douse the smoldering flames.

"Hang on, I gotcha!" Jinn called before summoning a big bucket of water and throwing it all over Akane.

Splash!

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT…

Both boys were kicked out of the dojo, along with Kuno.

"Oh, come on! Let us back inside!" said Ranma while banging on the gates with his fists.

"Nothing doing, boy!" Genma snapped. "You don't GET to come back until that bird leaves the nest!"

"WE HAVEN'T GOT A HUNDRED YEARS!" Kenma shouted.

"Great! Now we're stuck out in the cold with birdbrain and featherhead." the older Saotome brother complained.

"You DARE address me in such a manner?!" Kuno bellowed in a voice that sounded like it was two people talking at once. "My ancestors have never tolerated such disrespect, and I shall not start!"

"What the hell happened to your voice?" Ranma asked in sheer bewilderment.

Kuno blinked. "What do you mean?" he asked, his tone normal.

"How could you forget what just happened?" asked Kenma.

"The last thing I remember was being in the bathroom," Kuno responded. "And then everything went dark. Now I find myself out here with you two!"

"...alright, now I'm a little concerned," Kenma muttered.

"You think the phoenix is slowly taking control of Kuno's mind?" Ranma asked his brother.

"Kuno had a mind to begin with?" Kenma retorted back.

"You do know I can hear you two, right?" Kuno deadpanned.

Both boys glanced back at Kuno and just shot him grins in response, before resuming their huddle.

"You think Ukyo might be willing to put you up?" Kenma suggested. "Lum, perhaps? She's been wanting something to do these past few episodes…"

"Hey, yeah!" Ranma nodded. "But how are we gonna signal her?"

Kenma rubbed his chin. "We're gonna need a LOT of root beer."

TO BE CONTINUED!