Billy Butcher buying a pregnancy test. I almost wished I could witness it, almost. If I could leave the bed without the room spinning and making me think that I was going to end up revisiting everything I thought of eating in both our lifetimes, I might have chanced it.

Instead I lay in our bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering just how Billy's trip to the nearest pharmacy or generic buy anything store was going. Did he even know which one to buy? Did I know which one to buy? Fuck - did I just send Billy on an errand that was going to end in a national incident of epic proportions? Shit.

Terror was trying to get up on the bed with me, but I was in no shape to help him and he was less than excited by my lack of aid and enthusiasm.

"I'm sorry, baby," groaning, I rolled over and let one of my arms flop off the bed so he could nuzzle my clammy hand. "See, I feel like rancid shit." He licked my palm and the slobber didn't exactly help my current predicament, but it was nice to know he still loved me a little bit. "Thanks, I think." Moving my hand so I could wipe the slobber off on his head - pat him on the head, I smiled as he snorted. "Yeah, well it's YOUR slime, asshole."

"Ya wiping snot all over 'em are ya?" I chuckled as Billy's voice broke through Terror's indignation at me returning his slobber to the rightful owner. "Come on, Terror, let's let ya out, eh?"

Listening as he opened the balcony doors, which led to a set of stairs to the backyard, I waited for him to come back and tell me the tale of his trials to get the test. He was back after a few minutes along with a sniffling dog who was panting and snorting.

"Did you have any trouble?" I hadn't moved. No energy coupled with the fear that the motion would enact my gag reflex made the idea repugnant. The bed dipped with his weight and I heard the tell tale sound of a plastic bag. "Guess that's a no."

"No faith," one huge hand landed on the small of my back and was rubbing soothingly. "I tell ya, Ronnie, that stings." My chuckle was muffled against my pillow. "Alright, it was touch and go for a second, there's a wall of the damn things."

"Yeah, sorry about that," turning my head, I peeked at him and saw his dimple. "Did you ask for help or did you just wing it?"

"I'll have you know, Dr. Taylor, I'm a renaissance man." Biting my lip, I was barely holding back my laughter. "Got no problems admitting when I need some help, so I asked the first person I saw -" I waited. "Clyde didn't know shite." I snorted and he rolled his eyes. "Was wearing the bloody vest that all those cunts wear, why wear the damn thing if ya ain't got a clue?" He shook his head. "Gets out this walkie talkie, but it blasts the question across the damn store like a bullhorn and now the entire fucking world is lookin' at me and Clyde like we're expecting a newborn -" Dear fucking GOD. "Finally Jonah comes prancin' over and nice as ya please, grabs this test and hands it to me." He sighed and smiled at me. "Whole lotta bloody embarrassment for nothin' if ya ask me."

A flutter of fear and worry stirred to life inside of me again. What if it wasn't NOTHING? What if - what if I WAS? And this time there was NO DOUBT that this little person was 100% Billy Butcher's.

"Ronnie?" I swallowed so damn hard and loud that his hand went still on my back. "Fuck, I done it again, didn't I?" I couldn't answer him, not yet. "Look, if it comes out a plus sign or if it blinks and blares out something that says we're -" he stopped and slid off the bed so his face was in front of mine. "I love you, and we will figure it out. Together."

He reached out and brushed my hair out of my face, his fingertips brushing across my skin. "I know you say that, Billy." I had to get him to understand where I was versus where he was. "I love you too, but we barely agree about Ryan - this, this is completely different."

"We're putting the cart way before the horse," he was so damn stubborn I wanted to scream or slap something - maybe him. "You think you can get up and -" I nodded as best I could. "Let me help ya."

I was shaky - I had been in bed all damn day - but with Billy helping me I made it to our bathroom. He'd brought the bag that held the test and once he made sure I was safely on the toilet, he opened the test and read the instructions - TWICE.

"Billy, it's not rocket science." Staring up at him, he stared back with a look that told me he wanted NO mistakes. "I pee on that end, we cap it, then we wait." He didn't think my snark warranted a rebuttal, he just handed me the test and leaned against the counter. "Oh, you're planning on WATCHING me."

"Takin' a piss is a private matter after I've bent you over that tub, and after you were on your knees in the shower there with my -" I rolled my eyes and put the stick between my legs and under my stream in the toilet. "See? Not so private." His arms were crossed over his shirt and his smile was easy, which made me sigh. I finished and removed the stick, holding it out for him to take. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Cap it while I wipe?" I shook it at him gently and it was his turn to roll his eyes. "I mean, it's not about privacy, are you grossed out by a little tinkle? Shall we discuss all our shared bodily fluids?" He took the test from me while I wiped and flushed, but didn't stand - still a little too shaky without help. "How long?"

He told me the time for this test and asked if I wanted to go back to the bedroom. "Can't be too comfortable sitting on the porcelain throne, love." He helped me up so I could wash my hands and then, instead of helping me walk back just scooped me up and carried me back. "Don't argue, Ronnie, you're ill."

Billy laid down with me on our bed and I cuddled against him, wanting to ignore the elephant in the room, but knowing we couldn't. Even if the test was negative, which I highly doubted - Ryan was still waiting in the wings.

"If we are," he sighed and I shook my head. "I know you want to push that aside until the buzzer goes off, Billy, but we have to talk about it."

"Why?" He looked into my eyes and I swear it felt like he was seeing all the way to my soul. "Why do we have to if there's a possibility you aren't?"

"I think you and I both know that I probably AM." My fingers slid into his hair and I wished that I could see through him as easily as normal. "Do you really hate the idea so much that it's an automatic no?"

"I did," he nodded. "You wrote the book on me, Ronnie," my eyes shut at the reminder. "You know better than most what my past was like. What my upbringing was like. Why would I think I could do better?"

My eyes snapped open. "Is THAT why you don't want to?" He nodded. "Oh for fuck's sake, Billy Butcher." Sighing, I rolled my eyes. "Why could you do better?" He waited. "Let me think -" I took a beat and started the list. "Look at how you are the hugest overprotective bear of a human, you idiotic shithead." His eyes went wide. "Hughie would have been a smear on the pavement a dozen times by now, not to mention the others. I'm sure they've been in the bullseye thanks to you, too, but you don't give up on them either, Butcher. My God, having a shit set of parents doesn't automatically make YOU a shit future parent, in fact, it's the opposite in most cases."

"Ronnie, I think you're -" I slapped his shoulder - hard and he blinked at me.

"Stop it, right fucking now, Billy." He was staring at me like I'd gone bonkers. "I never wanted to be a mom, ever. Or it wasn't something I thought about - but if I am going to be one, I sure as fuck want the daddy to be you. You asshole."

He was blinking at me when I asked how long we'd been waiting. The time had come - since I was useless for mobility it was on him. Still staring at me as if he'd just seen me for the first time, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom where he left the test. And then everything got very quiet.

"Billy?" Nothing. No slamming or screaming. No crying or gasping. Just silence. "Billy?"

I waited, and waited. I finally heard a sound. Quiet, but it was a sound. He was breathing at least. And the waiting game continued until I finally heard him coming back. The bed dipped and then he was curling around my back. His face was pressing into my neck and he was breathing me in, his arms wrapping around me.

"Are you alright?" My hands covered his, our fingers linking. "Billy, please say something?"

"Will you -" He took a deep breath and the heat of it when he let it out felt like it burned my skin. "Ronnie, I need you to promise to tell me if I start being like him - my dad." My heart stopped, or so it felt like. "I want this, with you, but I won't if -"

Turning so we were face to face, my hands moved to cup his face - he looked so scared, so unlike the Billy Butcher that everyone thought they knew. "You won't," I promised him. "You aren't him, Billy -" and then I sealed it with a kiss.