Chapter 1: Emotional Guilt
Jay's POV
I sat at the sushi bar when Brianna approached me.
"Hey, Jay."
I set my chopsticks down and smiled.
"Hey, Brie."
Brianna began discussing the drug purchase, and just then, Terry and Lisa joined us.
Lisa proudly displayed a sonogram of their baby boy.
"We're having a baby boy!"
I stood up and hugged Terry, while Brianna embraced Lisa.
"Congrats, man!" I grinned.
Brianna smiled and explained, "Sorry, y'all! These handsome guys and I have to handle a drug bust."
Lisa nodded and kissed Terry. "Be safe, babe!"
Terry playfully jumped onto my back, and I chuckled as we walked out of the restaurant.
"So, how's married life treating you?" Terry asked.
I smirked. "It's alright."
Terry took a guess. "What's your girl's name? Emma, right?"
I corrected him, laughing. "Erin!"
As we settled into the car, Sam noticed an Illinois license plate.
"Illinois tags—must be lost?" he commented.
I leaned forward, sensing something was off. "What's this guy doing?"
Before Sam could respond, a flaming car dropped in front of us. Terry and I pushed back into our seats, catching our breath.
"REVERSE! SAM! REVERSE!" I urgently shouted.
Sam nodded and reversed the car. I grabbed my gun and stepped out.
Terry followed suit.
The goons loaded their guns and aimed at us. "Get 'em!"
Bullets flew, and I fired back. But then, Terry ran into the open fire and got shot down.
"TERRY! NO!" I cried out, but it was too late. He was already down.
Sam, that bastard, ducked under a car instead of helping me.
I rushed over to Terry, dragging him out of the crossfire. "Terry, stay with me!"
I removed my gloves and applied pressure to his neck.
"This is Detective Jay Halstead. Badge Number 51163. I'm taking heavy fire at 2000 Washington. My partner's down. Gunshot wound to the neck. Send an ambulance now!"
In the dim light of the alley, Terry's labored breathing echoed. I knelt beside him, panic rising. "Terry, hold on!" I pleaded.
His eyes fluttered, and he whispered, "Tell Lisa… I love her."
I nodded, my voice breaking. "I promise." But then I grinned. "You know, you can keep annoying her with that forever."
Terry chuckled weakly, and his eyelids drooped. "Worth it." His breaths grew shallower.
I fumbled for my phone, dialing frantically. "WHERE'S THAT AMBULANCE?" I shouted into the receiver.
And then I saw Sam, still crouched under the car, eyes wide.
Coward.
As they carried Terry out on a stretcher, I follow closely. "He still has a pulse! Just get him to Med!"
The medics rushed Terry into the ambulance and sped away.
Sam was discussing the shooting with Burgess. "Did you get any partial license plates?"
Sam let out a sigh. "No! I already informed your other officers!"
Al approached Jay, his face showing concern. "Are you all right?"
Jay glanced up and saw Sam. "WHERE WERE YOU?"
Sam remained neutral, and Kim attempted to pull me away.
"I was held down!"
I knew that was a lie, and I threw a punch.
"Jay! Man, come on!" Al shouted, pulling me away from the chaos.
I yelled something at Sam. "I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!"
Al dragged me toward the wall, and I leaned against it, catching my breath.
"He dodged, man! Ducking while Terry was bleeding!" Alvin said, gripping my shoulder.
"I don't care about him," I muttered. "Are you okay?"
I nodded, exhaling slowly. "Yeah, just need a moment."
Roman approached. "We found a gun!"
I wiped my nose and sighed. "I shot one of them. Maybe he dropped it?"
Roman nodded, and we all headed toward the discarded weapon.
Erin's POV:
Leaning against the wall, I noticed my husband and Al. The tension hung heavy in the air.
He doesn't look okay.
Al gives Jay's shoulder a reassuring pat. "I'll get Hank up to speed," Al suggests.
Jay nods, and Al heads upstairs.
I step over and pull Jay into my arms. "My heart sank when I heard your voice on the radio."
Jay pulls away, looking beaten. "I'm fine, Er."
He really wasn't.
Jay only used "Er" when he was tired or sick, but now he was in pain. I was determined to get him through it, no matter what.
"Any word from Med on Terry?" Jay whispers.
I glance at Jay's bloodied shoes and sigh. "Not yet…" The thought of what the news might be terrified me.
"Come on, let's clean you up." I gently place a hand on the small of his back and lead him upstairs.
LOCKER ROOM
Jay and I enter the locker room, and I guide him to the cool bench. I carefully undo his bulletproof vest, revealing Terry's blood staining Jay's shirt.
hI grab a washcloth and gently wipe the blood off Jay's neck, back, shoulders, and face. As I work, I hum softly, knowing that's what he needs in this moment.
Once the blood is wiped off Jay, I retrieve his shirt and vest, folding them inward to hide the stains. "Here," I say, handing the clean ones over. "You left these in my trunk the other night."
Jay takes the clean clothes, his hands trembling, and begins to put them on.
I press my lips to his forehead, and his arms encircle my waist.
"Babe, do you want to head home? I can inform Voight," I offer.
Jay shakes his head. I understand he needs to stay occupied, but I also want him to rest.
"Alright…"
Together, Jay and I walk up to our desks in the bullpen.
Hank emerges from his office and spots Jay.
"Jay?" he calls out.
Jay glances up, determination in his eyes. "Hank, with all due respect, you're not taking me off this case. I wore Terry's blood. You need me."
Hank sighs. "Kiddo, I'll keep you on, but if I sense even a hint of revenge or if you need to be sidelined, I'm stepping in."
Jay nods, and I watch him closely.
I stand up and stride into Hank's office, my frustration evident.
"What the hell, Hank?" I demand.
Hank looks up from his desk and then sits back down, a puzzled expression on his face.
"What?" he asks.
I take a seat across from him, leaning forward to emphasise my point.
"You can't seriously be considering keeping Jay on this case, can you?" I challenge.
Hank crosses his arms and gives me that familiar, scrutinising look.
"Erin, Jay is lucid enough to handle this case," Hank says, his tone firm. "When I feel like he's going off the rails, I'll bench him."
I let out a long sigh, my gaze dropping to the floor.
"Is that all?" Hank asks, his voice carrying a hint of impatience.
I rise from my seat, frustration boiling over, and slam the door shut behind me.
Jay's POV
I observe Erin as she storms out of Hank's office, her face a clear canvas of frustration and irritation. It's evident to me that her mood is somehow connected to me.
Erin then drops heavily into her chair at her desk, releasing a deep, exasperated sigh before she reluctantly returns to her paperwork. Her movements are tense and distracted, each action reflecting her inner pain.
Erin's POV
Jay had been sent home after a heated outburst on a suspect, and he subsequently ignored all attempts to reach him by phone. Consequently, I decided to head back to my apartment and wait for him to show up.
Upon arriving at my apartment, I eventually fall asleep, only to be abruptly awakened by the ringing of my phone.
Hank Voight
I answer the call, my voice tinged with annoyance.
"Hank, it's 11:30. What's up?"
"I'm aware of the time, Erin, but this is about Halstead."
I immediately sit up, a sense of worry washing over me.
"What's going on?"
Without wasting any time, I jump into my GMC and drive straight to the precinct.
I arrive at the precinct and rush upstairs, my mind racing with concern. Bursting into Hank's office, I immediately confront him.
"What did you say to him?" I demand, my voice edged with urgency.
Hank looks at me calmly. "Just that I'm lucky to have him in my unit," he replies.
Although I'm not entirely convinced, I know deep down that Hank doesn't lie about the truth. His words, though simple, carry the weight of his honesty.
I nod and quickly make my way to the locker room, my heart pounding with urgency. As I reach the locker room, I push open the door with a sense of determination.
Inside, I find Jay sitting against the wall, tears streaming down his face, his body wracked with sobs. The sight of him in such pain and shock breaks my heart.
I walk over to him and crouch down, trying to offer some comfort. Jay looks up at me, then scoots back, attempting to put on a brave face.
"I-I'm fine, Er…" he stammers.
But I know he's not.
"You're not, baby," I whisper softly.
It takes a moment, but eventually, Jay crumbles into my chest, his defenses falling away. I wrap my arms around his waist and gently shush him, trying to soothe his anguish.
"I've got you," I murmur, hoping to provide some reassurance.
Those three words seem to reach him, and he pulls away slightly.
"Come on, let's get you home…" I say, helping Jay to his feet. His legs are shaky, but I support him as we walk out together.
Later, I managed to help Jay take a shower and get him dressed in some comfortable sweats. Once he was settled, we lay down together and gradually drifted off to sleep.
Jay found his usual resting place on my chest, and I began to gently stroke his head, hoping to provide him with some comfort and reassurance.
As we lay there in the quiet of the night, Jay's breathing begins to even out, and I continue to gently stroke his head. Suddenly, he mumbles something, his voice barely audible.
"I killed Terry," he whispers, his words filled with anguish and guilt.
My heart aches for him. I tighten my embrace, pulling him closer. "Jay, listen to me," I say softly, my voice steady and reassuring. "It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could in that situation."
Jay's body trembles slightly, and I can feel the weight of his sorrow. "But I… I couldn't save him," he chokes out, tears starting to flow again.
I gently lift his chin, making him look into my eyes. "You did your best, Jay. Sometimes, things are beyond our control. You have to forgive yourself."
He buries his face in my chest, and I hold him tighter, my fingers running through his hair. "I'm here for you, always," I whisper. "We'll get through this together."
Gradually, his sobs begin to subside, and I continue to comfort him, letting him know that he's not alone in his pain. We stay like that for a long time, until, we both fall asleep.