EPOV
"I saw some of your pics with Jane and Leah on their Insta... You look very cute with them!" She said.
"Did you stalk their Insta accounts?" I chuckled.
"Well, yours was locked..." she shrugged her shoulders.
"You know... When I'm with them... Sometimes it's on the back of my mind that if we had that baby, she would have been four years younger than them..." I said.
Wait... Didn't I say we were not going to bring up the past and focus on the future?
But... It was impossible to ignore it!
We didn't just lose a baby... It changed so many things... It changed the way we looked at things... It kind of defined the way we were today... How could we just ignore it? It was impossible!
"And?" She said.
"And?" I asked. I wasn't sure what exactly she meant by that.
"How does that make you feel?" She asked, "Did that ever... even for once make you regret losing the baby?"
"When I was young, that thought just scared me... I could see how demanding it was to be a parent... Emmett was settled in life and more than capable of providing them everything, and yet he complained about how difficult it is sometimes..." I said, "Yes, he mentioned lots of positive things too... Like, how they completely changed his life, and how they had become the center of his universe... But I wasn't really able to understand it at that time... My mind focused on the negative aspects, and I kept convincing myself that whatever happened, it was for good..."
"Hmmm..." she said.
"But... Very recently, we were all out on a picnic, and yes, it did cross my mind once... What if we could have made it work? Yes, it would have been extremely difficult at first, but maybe we might have figured it out a few years down the road..." I said.
"Really?" She said, "Then?"
"Then..." I sighed, "That thought brought so many regrets and I didn't really know what to do about it... So I convinced myself again that whatever happened, it was for good..."