She knew it was coming. That one day Dexter would leave but still it always felt like a distant future type thing. But with the college booklets laid out in front of them, a sense of dread begins to build within her. Dexter is looking at colleges. To see where he is going to take the next step in his education. She's heard him and her dad talking about whether he wants to join the police force as a CSI or become a doctor.

And she was proud of him for that. For being so smart and hard working that he gets those options. But the thought of Dexter moving cities never mind moving states makes her want to be sick.

Currently Dexter is overlooking the University of Southern California. A college on the other side of the country. A very good college but one that is so far away. If Dexter moves to California, then she will hardly see him. Only on holidays. Months away from each other. And who's to say he will come back. What if he meets somewhere over there. What if he never comes back. The mere idea makes her sick.

Her dad had to leave because of work leaving the two of them alone overlooking different colleges and she should be happy for him. Dexter looks so excited reading through every prospectus making little notes to the side on which colleges and courses he likes the look of. He keeps looking at her asking her opinion on the different choices helping him to narrow down his ideas.

She should be happy for him. She should be over the moon for him. Yet all she feels is fear and a desperation to beg him not to go. To not leave her here alone. And it's selfish. She knows it's selfish, but she can't help how she feels. How she wants to grab every piece of paper on the table and burn it all. Wants to destroy every hint of Dexter leaving.

But she can't. That wouldn't be fair to Dexter. Dex who has always tried to put her first. Who missed his own sporting events to attend her just so she had someone there supporting her. How he ditched a few of his dates because she was ill or upset over something. If she ever needed him no matter how big or small Dexter would be there for her in a heartbeat. He even got into a fight once with some stupid football player because the prick was saying shit about her.

Dexter always came through for her. So why can't she just be happy for him and help him for once.

"What do you think about this medical course," Dexter asks handing her one of the booklets. "I know Harry wanted me to do more forensic science but I'm thinking about becoming a doctor more. In both jobs, I get to help people, but I think I would prefer to help save lives rather then hunt them down. That's Dad's area. And yours if you still want to join the police force. The course looks good and is only two states over I was thinkin-"

"Don't go." Debra interrupts as Dexter's beaming smile and joyful features slip off his face at her words. "Please don't go." The pleading desperation in her voice shocks Dexter who is looking at her as if he has no idea what is going on.

And to be fair maybe he doesn't. She's just springing this on him with no context or understanding. She's just begging him to not go.

Not completely understanding her he swallows thickly and slowly pries the booklet out of her grip. "Ok... Ok, I won't go to this college. I'm sure there are better ones out there." And Debra can't tell if she wants to laugh or cry at Dexter completely missing what she was asking.

"Dexter." She pleads fighting back tears. "Please don't leave me here alone. I... I can't do this without you." Guilt and despair flood her system as she recognises the words she's saying. The weakness forces her to curl herself up into a ball in front of Dexter who is looking at her with a horrified expression. Her insecurities are on full display in front of him and it's too much.

She can't do this. She can't hurt him or pull him down to her level of misery. She's done enough damage as it is.

She watches as Dexter tries to move closer to her. To comfort her and reassure her that she won't lose him. That him moving isn't the end of the world. To him might not be. But to her it is. And she can't listen to his soft words of love and assurance in his affection and devotion towards her.

Instead, she pushes herself off the sofa and runs to her room slamming the door shut behind and locking it before collapsing on her bed and letting all the feelings of embarrassment and abandonment out. She vaguely heard Dexter outside of her room knocking on the door begging her to open the door and let him in. To talk to her. But she ignores him and remains trapped in her own agony.

Why did she do that. Why did she ruin something so important for him just to save herself some future pain. Why does she ruin everything she touches.

After a while, she manages to calm herself down. The pain is still there but the thought of hurting Dexter like she no doubt has hurts more. She hates herself for asking him to stay. To give up on his dreams so she doesn't have to be without him. It's stupid and selfish and she hates herself for demanding that of Dexter who would never dream of doing something similar.

Hearing her dad call her down for dinner she wipes away any traces of tears not wanting to start an argument with him over trying to hold Dexter back from his success. Once she's looking somewhat presentable she heads down taking her seat across from Dexter who offers her a small but dim smile.

And just like that the pain is back. Earlier Dexter was smiling so brightly it put the sun to shame. Now it's dim and deplorable. Because of her. Why did she have to open her mouth and destroy everything. Why can't she do anything right.

"So, Dexter." Her dad starts unaware of any tension in the room. "Have you got any close ideas on what colleges you might want to go to." It's an innocent question. One you would expect from a proud father. But all it does is remind of what a fuck up she is.

Dexter looks towards her with a determined gleam in his eyes and she doesn't know how to take that. Is that a threat or encouragement. She has no idea. Dexter turns to Dad with a timid smile but nods. "I think I know which college I want to go to."

Debra's heart drops in her chest. Of course, Dexter wouldn't give up on his dreams of becoming a doctor. She knew he wouldn't, and she couldn't stop him. She didn't want to stop him. She just didn't want to lose him.

Her dad smiles surprised but glad that Dexter has already figured out his life. More pride shining towards Dexter then he has ever shown her. "Oh really. And what college has taken your fancy so much."

"The University of Miami," Dexter answers back his sole focus on her rather than Dad. Miami. He's going to stay in Miami. He's picking the closest college to them, so he doesn't have to leave her. At the idea she wants to jump out of her chair rush him and pull him into the tightest hug she can manage thanking him over and over again. Another part of her is filled with guilt. He didn't want to stay in Miami. He was so excited to leave the state and explore life outside of their city, but he has given all that up to appraise her.

Her dad narrows his eyes in confusion towards Dexter. "I thought you were looking at colleges outside of the state."

Dexter nods but is quick to offer up an explanation. "I was but I think I would miss both of you too much to be gone for any length of time." It's for her. He's doing this for her. Giving up a large part of himself to accommodate her.

"Leaving home is a part of growing up." Her dad argues and she wants to tell him to shut up but can't because he's right to do this. To tell Dexter it's ok to leave. "It's not like you wouldn't see us again. Are you sure this is what you want."

Dexter nods again. "I'm sure. I don't want to leave Miami." He looks at her when saying this. I don't want to leave you is what he really means.

"Well ok then." Her dad pats him on the back. "Guess we better see when the college is doing tours." They all fall into silence again as they finish their dinner and as soon as her dad leaves the room, she all but jumps out of her chair and hugs Dexter who holds her as tightly as she is holding him.

She does feel awful for making him do this. But she's too happy that he's staying. "Thank you." She mutters into his chest feeling like she is on the verge of crying again.

"I couldn't leave you. Not now and not ever." He replies softly. "It would feel wrong to be away from you Deb."

"Are you sure. Don't stay because of me." She wants him to stay but she can't do this to him. to take this away from him. She asked him to stay and he is willing to do that. She should be willing to let him go. The words may taste like acid in her mouth but she says them nonetheless.

Dex presses a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sure. I would miss you like crazy. And I don't want to put both of us through that."

"I love you." She tells him meaning every word. She loves Dexter more than she loves anyone or anything.

"I love you too Deb."