Love Rehabilitation
WARNING: This was not beta read; I only proofread this! (Sorry for errors you may find)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does.
She may be crushing hard.
Which, in hindsight, is a terrible idea. It was comparable to a zodiac key shattering in exchange for aid equal to that of the spirit king. Not only is he one of her precious friends and teammates – one who has been with her through thick and thin – he is also the love interest of a certain rain woman, and she would sooner battle against Zeref than face the wrath of a woman deep in the throes of obsession (or love).
But Lucy finds that she can't help it.
It's not as if she's tried not to—she's been in denial for so long that it's basically fried her brain at this point. Yet she notices, to her dismay, that her eyes can find him the moment he enters the room. That she trails his silhouette from the edges of her vision while her mind drones out the excited chatter of her bookworm friend. And when said friend notices the lack of reciprocated enthusiasm, the sigh she breathes is what grounds her back to reality.
She tries not to let it get to her. So, she smiles at Levy and apologizes sheepishly for not paying attention. Explains that she's got her mind on the book that she's working on and hasn't been able to stop thinking about what happens next. It usually works, and Levy doesn't believe her this time, but she also doesn't push the topic.
A sly smile is all she receives, and Lucy is grateful that she can continue to ignore these feelings. She refuses to acknowledge any spark of something other than friendship toward a friend she treasures because if she does, she fears what may happen next.
She does not even remember when it all began. She'd always seen him as a friend. Even encouraged him to go out, to try going on one date with a certain blue-haired woman and see if it works out. Looking back, she had probably suggested such a thing if only to avoid facing certain truths—like how she was beginning to discern his voice amongst an energetic night at Fairy Tail, or that she liked it whenever he paid her attention as soon as he saw her.
It's embarrassing even admitting it to herself. But he's like a vice at this point. No matter how hard she tries to stop, she just can't get him off her mind. It's like she's addicted.
Since then, she's been doing some soul-searching. Therapy, perhaps. What rehabilitation could she undertake to cure herself of this… affliction? She'd nonchalantly asked Levy what to do about addictions, masking it with a lie that it was for one of the characters in her book. Her friend was none the wiser and simply said that the source of addiction must be cut off.
Lucy doesn't like the idea of avoiding a friend, especially when they're on the same team and are bound to go on a mission soon. But she figures that he probably doesn't consider her as close of a friend as she does to him. He wouldn't notice. And if by the time – or chance – that he does, she'll have moved on and pretend to be clueless.
The guild is quieter than usual today when Lucy decides to visit.
She's been holed up in her apartment for the past few days under the guise of "working on her novel". It isn't a lie per se – she has pushed out three chapters in her haze of distracting herself – but she can't deny that she's simply been avoiding a certain someone.
A little bird had whispered in her ear that Natsu had gone on a short mission with the rest of their members, one of whom was the source of her sleepless nights.
"Ara, Lucy! Long time no see," comes the melodic voice of Mirajane.
The spirit mage has the gall to appear sheepish. "Hi, Mira," she says with a weak wave. With a precautionary glance at the surroundings, she takes a seat by the bar, immediately slumping forward.
Mira smiles at her kindly. "How's your novel going? Levy has been bored lately with your absence," she tells her, winking afterward.
Lucy shudders with fear at the thought of an angry bookworm. "Well… the novel is fine. I got writer's block though, so I thought of visiting the guild today."
"Oh?" Mira hums, her smile widening—almost suspiciously. "Is your rent not due yet, then? I thought you'd join Team Natsu for that mission since you rarely miss out."
The demon earned her name well with how terrifying that smile was. Lucy almost wishes she'd never left her apartment. "Mira-saaan," she whines, sniffling. "I don't always struggle to pay my rent!"
Mira giggles in return and slides a chocolate smoothie over to the tortured girl. "I'm sorry, it's just so fun to tease you!" She pats the blonde's hand apologetically. "There, there. They left yesterday, so you shouldn't see Gray until the day after tomorrow!"
Lucy shoots up like a spring freed from its confines, her back ramrod straight as she snaps her attention to the barmaid. Her eyes are wide with fear.
"W-What makes you say that?" she asks, laughing nervously.
Mira clicks her tongue and waves a finger tauntingly. The glint in her eye tells Lucy that she knows what she's hiding, and the spirit mage has no choice but to sigh in defeat. That doesn't mean she'll allow Mira to bully her into talking. Still, she's not surprised. Mira had always been able to see through her, even when she was still fairly new to the guild. She only wishes she didn't have to be so obvious about her… crush.
"I see what others don't Lucy-chan," Mira giggles, slapping her hands together. "Besides…"
Lucy raises a brow. "What?"
"Oh, nothing," Mira replies smoothly, eyes drifting to glance at the spirit mage. Her face betrays nothing of what occurs inside the mind of a gossiping barmaid, and Lucy is uneasy. "But what's wrong with that, Lucy?"
"With what?" Said woman asks, feigning ignorance.
"My, having a little crush, of course~" Mira sings in response, once again winking at the blonde who was now red in the face. "I won't tell a soul, so don't worry!"
Lucy breathes out a heavy sigh. "I know you won't, Mira-chan," she pouts. She is thoughtful. "…Is it really that obvious?"
"Only because I've been observing you and Gray for a long time now," Mira chirps with a big grin. "After all, I've always shipped you with him!"
Ah, right. Lucy almost forgot how much the take-over mage teased the two of them a long time ago. But back then, Lucy hadn't cared about romances or certain ice mages. She was a struggling mage who had run away from home. Her place in Team Natsu still hadn't felt solidified, as if she were merely a placeholder for someone in the future. Despite her bubbly demeanor, she'd always protected her heart, ensuring it was safe if they ever decided to replace her with someone more capable.
She recalls a memory from when Gray got the scar on his forehead. It was the first time she had ever seen him act so calm and collected, and she could admit that she felt a spark of attraction then. But they had just become friends. Lucy wasn't going to ruin that over some infatuation.
"I'd still like to know why you're avoiding him, Lucy-chan," Mira presses once more, brows creasing as she regards the younger woman with a worried look. "It will only make it more obvious if you continue."
Lucy folds her arms on the counter and lays her chin on top, gazing upwards at the barmaid. "Well…" she trails off, deep in thought. "I figured that the only way to get rid of these feelings is to cut him out of my system—like cigarettes to a smoker's rehabilitation."
Mira makes a small noise of understanding. "Ah. Then are you saying he's bad for you?"
That is what it looks like, huh? Lucy smiles self-consciously. "I—Well, it's more of my problem than his…"
Mira says nothing in return as she dries beer mugs with a cloth.
"A-Anyway, I also don't want to be considered as another—" Lucy pauses, eyes darting around once more to confirm something before whispering, "—love rival."
A laugh erupts from the white-haired mage. Indeed, Juvia's wrath is something that should not be trifled with. It seems that even Mira can confirm how terrifying it would be to become Juvia's next enemy, no matter how unserious it seemed. They both know how much she loves Gray and would probably think Lucy betrayed her.
It is exactly how she feels about this whole ordeal though.
"Oh, Lucy," Mira says out of pity, reaching over to smother her with an embrace. "I'm always here for you!"
"I-It's not like I'm heartbroken or anything! But thank you, Mira-chan."
The other woman simply nods against her hair in return, cooing, as if she's a baby in need of coddling. Lucy isn't too bothered by it. The comfort that Mira brings is one like that of an older sister—if she ever had one. She is thankful and somewhat relieved that the secret she carries is now shared with another.
When they finally pull apart, Lucy feels much better, and Mira is beaming at her. The blonde can't help but smile back in return and she allows the latter to resume working while she finally sips her smoothie.
Left alone with her thoughts, she can't resist the temptation of thinking. Her mind runs its course, of deep-voiced laughter and chilly nights, her eyelids lowering as she allows herself the rare luxury of indulging in daydreams.
She tells herself that it's okay—that it's only for today. Juvia isn't around and her friends are away on a mission. She hasn't thought of him in days, so today should be fine. It's like dieting—today's a cheat day, she justifies.
She buries her head in her arms, and she thinks.
His laughter is the first that comes to mind. People always talked about how infectious Natsu's laugh was, but they never noticed how feverish Gray's was. His deep-toned laughter uncovered a shyness in her she wasn't aware existed, and the smirk on his face after submerged her to an all-time high if she dared to stare for too long. Then she recalls the way he eyes her afterward like he's making sure she's also laughing. She's always wondered why he does that.
It disarms her how easily he brings a smile to her face. It unnerves her, to know that someone can hold her heart like how he is grasping onto hers—a heart she's protected since her mother had left her.
Like her heart, she was protective of other things, like her dreams of being an author. Out of all her friends, Gray was the only person who ever read her drafts. It had been out of line when it first happened, and it definitely pissed her off, yet he'd been the first to show interest in her writing. He always tried to break into her apartment to read the newest chapter and she always kicked him out once she caught him. However, he was honest with his curiosity and simply wanted to know more. It reached the point where she would purposefully leave her drafts on the table so he wouldn't struggle to find the next installment.
She hates that she likes it. She's always been somewhat insecure about her writing, even though it's one of the few things she prides herself in. Yet whenever Gray would read her story and ask for the next part, as if he couldn't wait for an update, she always found herself brimming with motivation to write after. She'd begun to look forward to his validation.
A shaky breath escapes her lips.
Lucy sees the way his chest looks when his shirt is off. She doesn't understand how sweat could glide down his skin like that when he's an ice mage. Sometimes, when he isn't looking, she sneaks in glances and admires the way he looks under the sun. She discovered that she likes it best when he's in the middle of a fight, with that crease of concentration between his brows and his jaw clenched while he recites his attacks.
An uncomfortable heat settles between her thighs. Lucy squirms, gasping, as she snaps upright at the realization of where her thoughts are leading.
Mira glances at her in surprise. "Lucy? What's wrong?"
A lovely hue of pink dusts the top of her cheeks. If the barmaid noticed, she doesn't say.
"I—I just remembered something very important!" she exclaims hurriedly, pushing herself away from the counter and jumping onto her feet. "I'll see you next time, Mira!"
Mira protests, "But—"
"Bye!"
The spirit mage is furious with herself, both hands covering her flushed face. She can't believe herself. How can she even rid herself of these feelings if she can't even stop herself from indulging in such indecent thoughts? He's her friend, for Kami's sake. She shouldn't be thinking about him any more than what he already is.
Depressed and disappointed with herself, Lucy kicks a stray pebble on the road on the way home. She feels as if she's made zero progress with what she did today.
She vows to herself that from now on, she will simply just go on a vacation. Far away from the guild, where not even a whisper of his name can reach her.
"…You didn't even empty your drink," Mira finishes, watching the dust settle after Lucy's rushed exit.
She shifts her weight onto one leg and props her chin on her knuckles, humming in amusement as something in the corner of her eye catches her attention.
"Back already?" she asks kindly, smiling so wide her eyes nearly closed from the effort.
"Eh, it was easy enough. Plus, there were no property damages this time, so it was wrapped up pretty quickly."
Mira tilts her head to the side and regards the mage in front of her steadily. "What will you have today, Gray?" she asks, smile unmoving, as if she's daring him to do something.
Gray pulls at the collar of his shirt while he moves to take a seat. His lips tighten in thought, fingers laced beneath his chin. "Just some coffee, Mira."
"Mm, one cup of coffee on the way!"
While Mira makes his coffee, she keeps Gray in her peripheral vision. It doesn't escape her eyes when he inclines his head – ever so slightly – in such a way that he can scan the people present in the guild. It also doesn't escape her watchful gaze the tiny sigh of disappointment that escapes his mouth when he doesn't seem to find what he's looking for.
Mira's smile widens. It's always a lovely day when one of her ships becomes canon.
"Looking for someone, Gray?" she slides him his coffee, her tone innocent enough that the ice mage doesn't seem to notice anything amiss.
But she observes that he still has his guard up. "Ah, it's nothing," he quickly replies. "Thank you."
She hums back in response, waiting.
He brings the cup to his lips and pauses. Mira can see an internal struggle occur inside of him, like a storm brewing within those dark eyes. He glances up at her from his drink and quirks a sheepish smile. "Actually… have you seen Lucy?"
She fights the urge to squeal in happiness. "Oh! I'm afraid you just missed her," she says, cupping her cheek as she tilts her head in feigned confusion. "Why do you ask?"
Gray looks back at his coffee in contemplation. "Just haven't seen her around lately."
Mira nods in agreement, since it is, in fact, true. "This is the first time in a while that she's visited the guild, and she didn't stay long, either. She mentioned something about working on her novel though, which must be why she's disappeared," she muses. "Maybe she doesn't want the motivation to leave her."
"…Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
Glee coats Mira's voice when she suggests, "Perhaps you'll catch her in the guild if you hang around for the next few days!" She had told Lucy that Team Natsu wouldn't be back for another day, after all.
His cheeks turn pink at the realization that she's teasing him. "Nah," he tells her, chuckling, "She's probably going to be too caught up in her writing to leave her place."
"Oh, that's true." Mira tries – and fails – to hide her disappointment.
Their conversation ends at that, and no matter how badly she wants to keep pushing him, she must not do anything to give Lucy's feelings away. With a dejected sigh, Mira returns to cleaning glasses and people-watching.
Later that night, Lucy makes the brave decision to have dinner at the guild. As much as she dreads Mira's sly laughter and teasing remarks, she'd been so busy with her writing that she forgot to buy any groceries for a homecooked meal. Besides, Mira's cooking was heavenly. Her mouth waters just thinking about what she'll order.
She pushes the heavy double doors a little, just enough for her to peek through the crack, and sees that although it's livelier than earlier this morning, there are no signs of her teammates, Levy, or Juvia.
Declaring the location safe, she finally slips through the doors and makes a beeline toward the bar where Mira is wiping the counter. She visibly perks up when she notices Lucy's presence and waves her over.
"Lucy! You're here again!" she shouts excitedly, dropping her cloth in the process.
Said blonde glances around nervously, waving back, and signaling her to lower her voice. "Hi, Mira," she laughs awkwardly.
Lucy takes her usual seat and grabs a menu from the pile, skimming over the choices. She blatantly ignores the way the barmaid is practically vibrating from Kami knows what. Excitement? Glee? Anxiety? She can't really tell, but one thing she knows for sure is that it won't bode well for her to ask.
"I'll have a roast chicken with mashed potatoes please."
She hums as an afterthought.
"And a small salad. You can decide on which!"
"It's rare for you to have dinner at the guild," Mira comments as she moves around behind the counter, preparing the ingredients and pouring her friend a glass of water. "I hope you're eating well at home! Don't overwork yourself."
Lucy smiles at the concern. "Thanks, Mira. I do eat at home; I just forgot to buy some groceries for dinner tonight."
"Oh my. You can always ask me to deliver some for you if you're too busy!" Mira offers, reaching over to hold Lucy's hands with her own.
Her heart feels full at the attention. So much so that she can't help but giggle. "It's fine! But if you insist, then when you're free."
"Of course!"
"Oh, Mira, I'd also like to order a—" Lucy chokes on her words as a slam is heard throughout the guild. It's the sound of the doors being kicked open with a force that can only belong to one person.
She stiffens in her seat and her face pales, turning to Mira with wide eyes. "M-Mira… is that…"
Mira cups her cheek in worry, though Lucy has a sinking suspicion that she isn't worried at all. "Oh dear."
"Natsu!"
Lucy opens and closes her mouth in panic, pleading with Mira through her eyes. She can feel her heart pounding as footsteps begin to approach from behind, and she almost wants to cry when Mira simply smiles before leaving her to make her meal in the kitchen.
Fuck. Lucy rarely swears, but this calls for an emergency.
"Oi, Lucy, you're here!" she hears Natsu yell in shock. Within seconds, he is running toward her with a blabbering Happy not far behind.
She cringes inwardly when a hand lands on her shoulder, and she is forced to finally face them. Any trace of her previous emotions has vanished. She wears a big smile for them, grinning so wide her cheeks ache, and waves at them.
"Hi guys!" she chirps happily, eyeing them one by one. When her eyes land on Gray, she finds that he is smirking softly down at her, and she tries to hide how flustered she feels by waving at him again.
"Hey," he tells her, occupying the seat directly to her right.
Lucy feels as though she is a trapped deer when it is Erza who sits to her left and Natsu to Gray's right. If she leaves, Erza will think it's her fault. If she decides to sit beside Natsu, everyone will think she has a crush on him. She unleashes an internal scream at the dilemma that she's in. If only she hadn't been so forgetful and bought groceries, then maybe she would have been able to avoid them!
And why were they back so early, anyway? This had to happen after she'd decided to completely cut Gray out of her system. The heavens seem to love teasing her, too.
"So, how have you been, Lucy?" Erza decides to ask, already eating her signature strawberry cake.
The spirit mage shrugs. "Just been writing here and there… and sleeping, I guess," she replies in earnest.
"Wendy misses you," Erza informs her, to which Natsu vehemently nods his head in agreement. "Oh, she said she was too tired to hang out at the guild today, which is why she didn't come with us."
Lucy feels guilty leaving the young dragon slayer in the care of her destructive teammates. Someday, she'll tell Wendy why she had to stay away for a while. Until then, she'll have to deal with Natsu and the others.
"You better not be cheating on us with another team!" Natsu growls jokingly, but she has a feeling he isn't really kidding. "We want to go on another mission soon! Come with us."
"Aye sir! It isn't the same without Lucy," Happy sulks, floating shakily around Natsu's head.
Lucy dreads leaning over the counter to bypass Gray so she can look at Natsu, but she does it anyway. "Sorry, I think I'll pass again this time. Next time, I'll join you!" she declines apologetically.
"How come?" it is Gray who asks, chin in his palm, glancing down at her.
Lucy's heart is running a painful marathon when she makes eye contact with him. Only for today, she will entertain a day of talking to him. Cheat day, she repeats like a mantra.
"I'm in a writing groove right now!" she declares triumphantly, making a punching motion in the air with a fist. "I don't really want to waste it… but I'll make it up to you guys!"
Erza nods in understanding while Natsu whines about how he is sick of seeing Gray's face and dealing with the redhead's wrath, to which he earns a punch to the head. Lucy laughs at their antics, thinking that despite everything, she missed being around them.
If only she wasn't so stupid enough to fall for a friend.
She hears someone clear their throat, catching her attention. She turns back to Gray to find him staring intently at her. He looks pensive like he wants to ask her something, but then he grins slyly at her.
"Let me read that next installation, hm?"
She can feel her face warm from the way he is looking at her, and his voice. Damn, his voice.
She swallows thickly, eyes darting to the counter where her fingers are laced together. "Just read them when I'm done," she says and pretends to be annoyed, attempting to cover up her nervousness.
"Ha?" he scoffs, dragging her to him by wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She notices that his shirt has somehow vanished in the middle of their conversation, and she feels the chill seep through her clothes from how cold his skin is to the touch.
"Unless you want me to sneak in through the window again," Gray teases, grinning when she freezes in his grip. "…you might as well just hand them over to me while I'm being nice."
Lucy groans – out of exhilarating embarrassment and dread – and relents, "Ugh, fine!"
"Atta girl," he hums, his voice so deliriously deep that it makes Lucy weak in the knees.
Great. She's feeling things from being praised. Should she be concerned?
She's never crushed on anybody this hard before, not even when she went on dates with handsome men that she really liked. She hates that her resolve to avoid him had completely crumbled from just a smile, and she swears to herself that it's only because she'd been cornered. She really needs to go on that vacation so she can finally forget about these feelings.
Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Mira emerges from the kitchen with her dinner. She gives her a discreet wink when she sees Gray sitting beside her, and Lucy prays to the gods that Mira keeps her mouth shut.
The food is fresh and steaming hot, a stark contrast to the icy exterior of the man seated next to her. It reminds her of the situation that she is in, that Gray still has his arm around her, further brought to her attention by the pointed look that Mira is giving them. The realization makes her feel faint; it is almost enough to shatter her resolve. Yet the loud banter between Natsu and Erza is like a large warning sign blinking red in front of her—reminding her of the dynamic of their team. That they are friends. She cannot ruin their relationship just because of her petty feelings.
She is about to shake his arm off when she feels a menacing aura emanate from behind her.
No other person could ever radiate the same terrifying gloom as the one that is directed at her at this very moment. She doesn't need to look to know that it is the same woman that's been plaguing her thoughts at night—the object of her guilt and self-sought fury. Frozen stiff, she carefully, but quickly, extracts herself from Gray's hold, overlooking the confusion that settles on his face and Erza's surprised protest.
"Oi."
She ignores him as she swipes her plate off the counter and slaps down her payment.
He frowns, visibly distraught at the lack of response. "Going already?"
Again, she says nothing. Lucy doesn't trust herself to speak when she is this afraid. Of what, she isn't entirely certain. She knows the rain woman isn't violent enough to cause a scene, but she is afraid, nonetheless. Perhaps of being confronted with a truth she is trying to conceal.
The table she chooses is far from the bar where their voices blend into the rest of the hubbub in the guild. It's far enough that she cannot see them, blocked by the bodies of Fairy Tail members mingling amongst each other. Far enough to hide from herself, but not enough to stop her ears from listening.
"Gray-sama! W-What was that?" Juvia's tearful shriek comes, followed by a long wail. "Juvia is heartbroken!"
Lucy attempts to drone out the conversation, looking down at her plate of unfinished roast chicken. The back of her mouth tastes bitter, and she wonders if it's because of the food or something else. She tries and tries not to listen to the way Juvia is pleading for Gray—to not hear him groan as he reluctantly lets her sit right next to him. She hears Natsu laugh and tease the two, about two birds kissing in trees and—
Her heart feels as though it is being cleaved into two. It is reminiscent of an axe hacking away at an aged tree, the bark splintering underneath that sharpness. It is heavy and unbearable. She can only breathe in and out to calm herself, praying that her face betrays nothing of the war occurring within her.
She wishes they weren't at the counter so she could ask Mira to put her remaining food in take-out containers, but the world isn't on her side today. She quickly empties her plate, nearly choking, hoping that every swallow she makes will wash away the lump in her throat.
Her eyes are stinging when she finally finishes. She slips out of the busy guild, careful not to gather attention onto herself, and walks into the night with a broken heart.
It took her days to get over it.
After that night, she'd spent a few minutes in the spirit world in the comfort of Aries and Virgo. She didn't think she could cry that much, especially when it was kind of over nothing. Aquarius had gotten angry at her for doing such a useless thing over men, but even Lucy could tell that the mermaid was concerned with how tightly she hugged her back.
If her spirits hadn't stopped her, she would've willingly spent an entire day in their realm. It was a stupid idea because she knew that if she vanished for too long, her friends would turn the world upside down to look for her, and she didn't want them to make a big deal out of it when it was her problem in the first place. She was reluctant to part from the soft wool of bed that Aries had made for her, and even more unwilling to leave Virgo's calming hand that rubbed gentle motions on her back.
It was the first time Virgo had acted so motherly. The spirit was always asking to be punished and proclaiming her masochistic tendencies that Lucy never expected to feel so comforted when she needed it the most. With the combined efforts of her spirits (and Loki's angry muttering about ice mages he would pummel to the ground), she returned home to Magnolia, where days had already passed.
Her apartment felt empty when she stood in the silence. It was then that she decided to go on that well-deserved vacation. She envisioned a beach and sunbathing, of bikinis and martinis while reading that novel she'd been reserving for special occasions. The waves would carry her, and the sea would wash away whatever remnants of feelings she had.
Mind made, she'd been working on a few more chapters of her book to keep up to schedule and have enough time for a longer break. She'd already been set back by her brief trip to the spirit world, and with Team Natsu away on another mission, she was determined to be productive until then.
However, Lucy's plans of lounging at a beach far from Magnolia go up in flames when her friends come barging through her windows a few days later.
She was by no means surprised, they'd done this so many times that she'd already given up on kicking them out, but she still couldn't help the irritated tone in her voice when she asked, "Why are you guys here?"
Erza is the one who answers. "I will come clean and tell you right now that I clearly told Natsu not to disturb an author at work."
"Hey! I thought we all agreed that we needed to go on a mission as a complete team this time!" Natsu exclaims, folding his arms across his chest. "And you left last time without a word, Luce! We visited you after but couldn't find you for days! We thought something happened to you."
"Aye sir!" Happy shouts in agreement.
Lucy grimaces and sighs, "Sorry guys, but I don't think I'm in the mood to go this time. Maybe the next one?"
"But you said that last time!" Natsu whines, hugging Happy to his chest while the cat makes similar noises of sorrow.
"Sorry..." she replies quietly, giving them a smile of apology. She is careful not to let her eyes land on a certain someone, the palms of her hand beginning to feel clammy from how heavy she feels a particular gaze is upon her. "I'll make it up to you next time!"
Wendy glances at her other teammates and giggles. "It's okay, Lucy-san. We'll still bring you your share though!"
"O-Oh, you don't have to," Lucy protests, waving her hands. "I need to earn my keep."
"Isn't your rent due soon?"
The temperature in the room drops when he finally speaks up. It was so sudden that it made Lucy sharply suck in through her teeth, which then resulted in a hiccup that she inwardly cried at herself out of embarrassment. She finds that she can't avoid this confrontation, even if she wants nothing more in the world than to crawl into a ditch and vanish.
She smiles and rubs the back of her head, laughing awkwardly. She does not look at him when she responds, "Ah, I still have some savings leftover from our last mission. A-And I paid in advance last month anyway..."
"Ohhh," everyone but Gray chorus in understanding.
She can still feel that heavy stare of his on her skin. It makes the hair on her arms stand, and makes her thighs clench together in desperation. She belatedly realizes that for an ice mage, his stare alone could set her on fire.
Lucy is quick to kick them out, ignoring their shouts of protest, and keeps her gaze straight at the floor when she closes the door in their faces.
.
They try again the next day, bearing gifts and other forms of bribery to gain her favor, but she gives them the same answer as yesterday.
This time, Lucy attempts to look at him when she declines their invitation to hang out at the guild instead, only to quickly look away when she discovers him already staring at her.
The door is once again slammed in their faces.
.
On the second day, Mira visits her, fulfilling her promise of delivering groceries.
Lucy beams at the basket full of fresh produce. "Thank you so much, Mira-chan!" she squeals, jumping onto the older woman to give her a bear hug.
Mira giggles as she catches the spirit mage in her arms. "I also got some chicken and pork here," she says, proud of herself, gesturing to the cooler that sits at her feet. "There are some soup bases there, too, so you get a wide range of meals that are healthy!"
Lucy can cry from how much she loves this woman. "You're the best!"
The barmaid's answering grin keeps her lively for the rest of the day.
.
Natsu comes yelling at her to come out on the third day, slamming his fists on her door.
Irritation drags her mouth into an ugly frown. She'd been in the middle of a good scene in her book, and she'd like it if he left her alone.
Sighing, she opened the door, prepared to argue with the dragon slayer—and kick him out, of course—when she is met with Natsu and his rival.
His shirtless rival. Who is watching her with those unreadable eyes, and suddenly she is flustered instead of angry.
"Lucy! Come fight with us—"
She unleashes a deep groan, glaring at him. "No."
"How about we eat out?" It is Gray who suggests it, his voice alerting the warning bells in her mind.
She decides not to respond, slamming the door in their faces instead.
She pretends not to see the frown on his face when she does and tries to forget about it for the rest of the day.
.
The day after that, it is Levy who comes knocking.
Lucy is apologetic as they stand face to face, the blue-haired girl annoyed with her fists on her hips. "Hi, Levy-chan," she greets weakly.
The other harrumphs. "You owe me one for this," she says out loud.
Lucy is confused, brows furrowing as she looks at her friend. "What are you—"
"Thanks, Levy."
Her eyes widen, realizing what just happened. She immediately tries to close the door, but a foot wedges itself just in time. The sudden intervention has her stepping backward, her hands lifting to clutch at her chest as she hears Levy's footsteps grow quieter and quieter until there is nothing.
Until she is left alone with Gray Fullbuster.
He remains planted in front of her doorway, lidded dark eyes regarding her with a stare she cannot decipher. There is a creeping sensation down her spine at the way he is looking at her like she is prey trapped in front of a hunter. She cannot deny the tingle in her belly despite the fear that is overcoming her.
Nevertheless, this is a confrontation that she is unprepared for—a confrontation brought to her by her best friend.
She feels betrayed.
"G-Gray," she starts, licking her lips nervously. "What's up?"
"That's what I'd like to know," he answers quietly, the door slowly swinging close behind him. He sounds defeated, and a newfound guilt blossoms within her chest at the fact.
"Are you mad at me, Lucy?" He asks, his voice nothing more than a whisper.
The question hangs in the air. She is briefly stunned by it, simply because she had expected something else. She'd run this conversation in her mind many times, but none ever started like this. It always circulated her feelings; about how obvious she was being. How little she cared for their friendship. It makes sense, though, that he thinks she's upset.
She is, but it was never directed at him. Maybe that had been her mistake all along.
"I'm not," she says at last, fingers twitching at the urge to reach out and hug her friend. She curls them into fists instead, arms planted firmly at her sides.
She hesitates. "I… I was—"
"Did Juvia say something?" he interjects, almost desperately, as if he's been holding back for so long that he cannot help but plead for her attention. For clarity. "Is that why you've been avoiding me?"
"I'm not—"
"Don't." The word is strained. "I know you are, Lucy. And I've been going mad, wondering if I did something wrong to set you off."
She sucks in sharply through her teeth. Her heart is beating so fast she can hear the blood pumping in her ears. Her throat is thick with emotions that she cannot help but swallow, seeing the man in front of her look so miserable that she is spinning out of axis.
His deep indigo eyes are piercing, pinning her to existence, as if she were a painting beheld in a gallery. A painting that he cannot understand. Yet he tries to comprehend as though his life depends on it, and Lucy feels naked underneath that gaze. Her soul is bare and picked apart, her lower belly set alight with fire from it.
She looks away, terrified of what she is forcing herself not to do. Afraid of crossing that distance between them and committing something she will regret.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
She truly is.
"It's my problem though, so just let me handle it and everything will be back to—"
He is suddenly in front of her, stalking toward her as she takes a surprised step back, and they continue moving until the wall is cold against her back and his arms are propped against it, caging her within them.
"Tell me," Gray begs, his voice hoarse. "You're my friend, Lucy. I don't like this awkwardness between us when I don't even know what's causing it."
"I-I can't."
"Please."
She does not have the courage to look at him, fearful of what her eyes will convey if she tries. The position they are in is confusing her mind, her resolve crumbling the longer they stay this way, and yet she finds that she has no strength in her to act her usual self and push him away. She has been pretending for so long that she's reached the point of exhaustion. Perhaps she should just end it all here. Finish their friendship so she may have the closure she has been denying herself.
She keeps her eyes on his chest, mildly surprised that he is still clothed, and it brings a small smile to her face. He has always taken her seriously. The fact that he is managing his stripping habit at this moment is proof of the respect he has for her in this situation.
It is only right that she returns the honor he is giving her.
"Alright," she concedes softly, pausing to swallow the urge to flee. "I… I've been avoiding you not because of anyone telling me to, but because of an issue I was trying to resolve."
He doesn't say anything, and she is grateful. She understands that this is his way of waiting for her because she knows that if he interrupts at any moment, the nerves will eat her up and she will back out.
"I think I… no, I have been feeling different around you lately." Her voice is descending into a tiny squeak, as she nears the climax of her confession. "So, I'll just say it now while I still have the courage."
He is breathing steadily next to her ear, the sound both soothing and exhilarating at the same time.
"I like you, Gray."
Time slows into a painful crawl, as her next words bring her to mercy's doorstep.
"I have for quite some time now."
There is nothing but silence.
Lucy is irked by it. She'd always complained about the noise her friends made. Yet now that she is without it, she finds that she cannot stand this stillness. This awkwardness. Had she committed a mistake?
Should she have lived in torture forever, hiding her feelings from this man?
Her brooding is interrupted by a curled forefinger lifting her chin, forcing her to look into Gray's eyes. They are darkened underneath long lashes, and she thinks she might get lost in them if she is not too careful.
"Why avoid me?" he mumbles, the middle of his brows creasing in confusion.
She glances off to the side, unable to handle the intensity of his stare, or else she might combust into little Lucys.
"We're friends. I… I didn't want to ruin that, and I wanted to respect Juvia's feelings for you," she explains. "A-And Levy told me that to get rid of—" perhaps she shouldn't admit she was addicted to him, "—habits, they should be cut off."
"Is that why you've been holed up here?" he asks in disbelief, tilting his head so he enters her field of view, once again making eye contact with her. "And not eating healthy meals?"
"Hey! I can cook proper meals," she retorts, glaring at him. "And yes, I thought I only needed a few days or weeks to handle this, but you guys wouldn't stop bothering me!"
The desperation is gone from his face now, she realizes, replaced with a calmness that is bringing a different kind of tension within her.
"So?" he hums, his thumb making idle circles on her chin, distracting her from the fact that she is in dangerous territory. "Did it work?"
"What?"
"Do you not like me anymore?"
Lucy unconsciously licks her lips, a habit she does when nervous. "W-Well, you haven't been leaving me alone, after all! So, give me some time and—"
"God, you're so stupid," he half-mutters, half-laughs, and she's annoyed that he isn't taking her confession seriously, when she is thrown off loop as he slams his lips to hers.
He's—
Oh god.
He's kissing her.
She does not think.
She cannot think.
She doesn't know if it's because her brain is so fried or if it's because she is turned to mush at his mercy. He isn't gentle at all, and she can only hang onto his arms as he brings his hands to cradle her face. Her mind is so empty she simply acts on instinct, kissing him back to the best of her abilities, fireworks flashing behind her eyelids.
A brief reprieve is given to her when he pulls away to catch his breath.
"Gray," she pants, glancing up at him, "Don't make this harder for me—"
"Shut up," he mutters against her mouth, silencing her with a flurry of kisses. He holds her face like he is afraid that she will slip away if he doesn't, and he kisses her with a depth that can only be defined by years of denial.
She feels feverish like her entire body is on fire, and it shouldn't work like that because Gray's skin is cold to the touch. So cold that it makes her shudder when he suddenly presses his body against hers.
His kiss quickly swallows the gasp that escapes her. She is overwhelmed by the feeling, drunk on the haze that enters her mind when he nibbles her lower lip and battles her tongue with his. It brings forth a heat unlike any other in her lower region, and all she can do is squirm as he continues his relentless attack on her lips. She wasn't even aware that he knew how to kiss, yet here he was, making her weak in the knees.
He pulls away to lean his forehead against hers. Meek and unsure, Lucy stares into his eyes, seeking answers, only to find his pupils blown wide, his eyelids lowering as he once again stares at her mouth.
"I've never not liked you, Lucy," he smirks, leaning down to swipe his tongue across her lower lip. "Dunno how you never noticed."
She is breathless and speechless, completely at his mercy. She can only look up at him as he beholds her, giving her an agonizingly slow and deep kiss, before placing a peck on the high points of her cheeks. It makes her heart flutter at the softness he's displaying in front of her. Makes her wonder why she ever thought of breaking his heart by ignoring him.
His kisses descend until he is at her neck, lips fluttering over tender spots that make her breath hitch and her back arch.
He hums at her response, pleased.
"G-Gray," she whispers, her voice nearly cracking. "Is that true?"
"Mm," he sounds distracted.
Happiness erupts in her chest like no other. It had never occurred to her to ever imagine a scenario where Gray would return her feelings. She'd always seen him looking at Juvia, always wondering why he tolerated her advances otherwise. She'd intended to be satisfied by remaining as friends—to never be parted from him, even if he would never like her back.
Yet here he is, leaving marks across her neck, her fingers tangled in his hair and her lips swollen from his kisses. The contrast to her imagination is making her mind lost in the euphoria. She thinks she doesn't deserve him, with how much he is making her feel, but she finds that she cannot bring herself to stop him. If he is true to his actions, then she desires him as much as he wants her.
He is back to devouring her mouth, hands latching onto her back and face, bringing her even closer to him.
"Sorry," he says, suddenly pulling away. "I shouldn't be like this when I just confessed."
She slowly opens her eyes. His cheeks are flushed from their actions, but she can feel his sincerity. Clarity returns to his eyes as he – ever so slightly – steps away from her, putting distance between their bodies.
The warmth returns to her skin, and she misses the cold immediately.
"Fuck," he swears, dragging his fingers through his hair. He glares at the floor before looking at her with an embarrassed face. He smiles apologetically. "I need to do this right."
Lucy can only blink in confusion. Words have escaped her at this point, and she cannot muster anything to say. For an author of her caliber, she inwardly berates herself at the lack of response, surrendering to the reality that all she can manage now is a blink. Yet it comes to her attention that she isn't meant to say anything when Gray gently takes both of her hands in his.
His eyes have always been a deeper blue. Juvia constantly tells her they are of the darkest black, but Lucy has stared into them too many times to know that they have always resembled the bottom of the ocean. It is the only right way to describe them, as she feels like drowning whenever she meets his gaze. She's used his eyes many times in her book to portray how romantic it was to maintain eye contact, that emotions swirl within them, and that they cannot be deciphered if people aren't courageous enough to look.
She gives him an encouraging smile when she realizes that he is nervous. She can tell from the way his right brow is twitching, like he is restless.
"What is it, Gray?" she urges, squeezing his hands once.
He releases a breathy laugh and squeezes her hands back in response. "I'm—I've never done this before," he confesses, glancing sideways for a brief second before looking back into her eyes. He seems much more confident now. "But Lucy, you deserve this—and so much more."
She blushes at the admiration but says nothing, respecting his time to speak.
"Lucy Heartfilia," he begins, a lopsided smile gracing his face. "Will you allow me the honor of dating you?"
Pure, unfiltered, beautiful laughter erupts from her throat. Of course, only Gray would make it feel as if she were a princess of the highest honor. He'd always looked out for her, and she couldn't expect anything less from the man she'd fallen in love with.
She brings his hands to her hips, linking them at the base of her spine, before wrapping her arms around his neck. "Very well," she teases against his mouth, "I will grant you the honor of being mine."
His pupils dilate at her words. "Yes," he murmurs, their lips only a few breaths apart. "I am yours."
She shudders, coming undone, and finally closes that gap between them.
a/n: GUYS, I'M (KIND OF) BACK! I know, I disappeared for so long. I'll be honest that this is such a typical one-shot plot but I've been rediscovering (and rekindling) my passion for writing, so this is kind of practice for me, but I'm quite proud of this one! I hope you'll accept this as my apology to all of you.
By the way, I am aware there's so much potential to this, which is why there is an explicit part 2 to this, but I'm unsure whether or not I should post it so do inform me if you'd like to read it! If I ever do post it, however, it will be over on AO3 instead as I'm aware that FFN can be quite strict regarding mature content. I missed writing so much! I hope you enjoyed it even if I know the flow might be awkward. I have a discord server still so if you want to join (though it's quite dead..) please do so! DM me if you'd like to join or try this link :)
UPDATE: The second chapter is officially up on my AO3 account! Sadly, I cannot post any author's note chapters as placeholders as it apparently goes against FFN guidelines, so I apologize for the trouble of having to switch websites. It's really just explicit content. If you're not up to that, no need to read it!
discord . gg / cFuMRhbe7a (just remove the spaces)
Byee! -Anne :D