No Love Without Trust

Sebastian noticed the upward curve of his mother's mouth as she talked about the "good old days" between her and Jesse. Apparently, Robin had to one-up his bird house with a pair of intricately carved lacquered wood engagement rings as her senior woodshop project.

The hoodie-clad man realized that the picture Darla, the old woman Sebastian met when he went searching for Jesse at his old address, had hanging up on her wall must have been from this period of happy memories his mother was now sharing with him. In hindsight, he should have taken a picture of it. If Sebastian had the photo to reference, or at least studied the image longer until it was burned into his memory, he might have known that the young man standing next to his mother and Jay were the same man.

Sebastian knew his next question would turn the conversation toward less pleasant memories for Robin, but she promised to answer any question her son posed.

"If you two were so happy, why did you divorce?" he asked, almost apologetically. His guilt weighed on him as he witnessed Robin's face fall.

His mother twirled the rabbit's foot in her hands slowly, deliberately prodding the lucky item between her fingers as she contemplated her response. "It was my fault, really," Robin confessed, her voice cracking as she held back a wave of strong emotion. Sebastian had never seen his mom look so small and defeated. It made him uncomfortable.

"I knew your father had a rough life before I came into the picture, but I never really understood how deeply his past affected his trust in others until it was tested." Robin frowned deeply and her expression was shadowed with guilt and heartbreak. "If I had not been so secretive, my explanation wouldn't have seemed so flimsy."

Dark brows furrowed; the man regarded his mother with interest. "What do you mean, Mom?"

Robin hesitated for a moment. "We were engaged once I graduated high school," she informed her son. "Jesse landed a job with a local mechanic after his graduation, but I went into trade school for carpentry the following Fall," she explained. The red head sniffed in amusement. "As you can imagine, I was the only woman for a while and so it made me 'popular' with my classmates."

"And Jesse got jealous?" It was the first place his mind went.

"Yes, but that wasn't a problem at first," Robin clarified. The corners of her mouth stretched toward the side of her face. "I made sure I was very clear to my fiancé that he was the only one for me and I always invited him out with my new friends to prove I had nothing to hide."

"Once I finished trade school, your father and I got married. We had a small wedding, despite my parents' initial objections, and we moved into the city together where we lived in marital bliss for several years." Robin reclined in her seat. "It took a year or so for Jesse to finally calm down enough to go off and do other things when I hung out with my friends if he wasn't interested in what we were doing." She shook her head. "But that led to his imagination running wild later on."

"He thought I was someone else's kid?" Sebastian remembered that Darla mentioned a rumor of infidelity on his mother's part. At least now he had reason to ask Robin directly without sounding accusatory. "What a scumbag not to believe his own wife? You even offered paternity tests!"

It was difficult for Sebastian to reconcile Jay - the friendly, if not dorky professor he had befriended - with the image of the deadbeat father he had always envisioned. Jay never seemed the type of guy who would heartlessly abandon his pregnant wife.

Robin reached over and took Sebastian's hand in hers. "Sweetie, I understand how you feel, but please hold your judgements until I'm finished, okay?" Her dark eyes stared up at him pleadingly. He exhaled heavily, allowing some of the pent-up anger inside him to release into the air.

"Fine."

His mother nodded appreciatively and lowered her head. "We had been trying for a baby since our wedding night and it was not for lack of trying, so we went to see a doctor to seek some advice."

Robin chuckled to herself. "It seems obvious to kids your age that you should quit smoking when trying to conceive, but that was news to us." His mother continued. "So, we took the advice. We both stopped smoking and cut back on the drinking. We tried a few diets that relatives of mine suggested would help, too."

"But after a year of 'clean living' and no results, we went to see a specialist," Robin stated, wringing the rabbit's foot between her fingers. "And it was not the kind of news we hoped for…"

Sebastian tilted his head curiously. "What happened?"

Robin let out a heavy sigh and her mouth twitched as she decided how to go about saying what she wanted to communicate. "They told us your father's reproductive chances were severely harmed by his past drug use and that it would take a miracle for us to conceive naturally." The ginger smiled sadly, "I walked away from that conversation more determined than ever, but Jesse…" Robin's head swayed slowly to and fro, "He took it to mean that he was punished for existing. Jesse's parents had never wanted him and once he discovered all the coping methods he used to survive his miserable existence came back to bite him, it stung."

"I tried to convince him that I was not bothered," Robin shared with her son. "But Jesse knew from our conversation about raising a family together that I wanted children. The idea that he 'failed' as a man and had 'trapped' me in a childless marriage really ate away at him, I think."

Sebastian interrupted. "That still doesn't -"

Robin squeezed her son's hand. "Let me finish," she reminded Sebastian calmly. Her gaze fell back to her feet, as if she were afraid of facing her son. "I… asked my parents for some money to see a fertility specialist and since I knew Jesse was not open to the idea, I brought a friend who looked enough like Jesse to pretend to be my husband."

Sebastian felt uneasy but remained silent. "My plan," Robin continued, "was to ease your father into the idea of accepting financial help so we could get the fertility treatments we needed and that he would eventually come with me. Paul - the friend who went with me - didn't really approve, but he was too good of a friend to refuse me when I requested his help." Sebastian observed his mother's eyes glaze over, like the frost gathering on the windows outside. His heart sank with the words that followed.

"I should have been patient and listened to Paul's advice," Robin acknowledged, her voice tainted with a regretful tone. "I found out I was pregnant with you just a few weeks later. I was so happy, and I was thrilled to tell Jesse about our miracle - about you, Sebastian."

Tears streamed down her face, though Sebastian would have never known if he had not been looking at her. She was so quiet, as if soundless sobs were so well-practiced that they were second-nature to his mother. "If I had just been honest with my husband from the start, none of this would have happened." She leaned against the plush back of the couch and pulled her body inward protectively.

The sinking feeling in the pit of Sebastian's stomach plunged to immeasurable depth. It was like a black hole was sucking him into a surreal alternative universe against his will. His world was collapsing in on itself.

"I wasn't at all prepared for the way Jesse reacted when he found the forms from the fertility clinic…" Robin whispered. The tears fell from her eyes freely as she began to weep bitterly. "I robbed you of the childhood you deserved, Sebby. It's all my fault…"

Even the air was foul as Jesse sat in the darkened apartment, burning a hole into the letter with his steely eyes. It was a bright Summer afternoon, but the young man had drawn back the curtains to shield him from most of the natural light. He wanted nothing to do with anything happy right now. His dreams were evaporating like morning dew.

Dear Mrs. Oakes,

It was a joy to meet you and your husband at our last screening. Based on your interviews with our clinicians, you are qualified for IVF treatment with our center. Please call us at your earliest convenience to schedule an appointment.

We look forward to seeing you both again and are honored you have chosen us to assist you on your journey toward parenthood.

Jesse could not bear to look at the page any longer. He crushed it in his hands and let the ball fall to the floor with a soft thud. Thrush never invited him to an appointment at a fertility clinic. Who the hell was the bastard they referred to as her husband? The date on the letter was weeks old. Jesse lowered his face into his hands. "She could already be pregnant with some other guy's kid by now…"

Jesse already accepted that he was never going to be a father the "natural way" and Thrush had always breathed sweet words into his ear, assuring him that it did not bother her in the slightest. If anything, Jesse assumed that he and his wife would adopt if they wanted a child of their own. That way some kid would be spared the kind of life he had prior to aging out of the system.

Had she ever intended to include him in this process? Did his wife honestly think that not having sex with this guy was going to make the situation more palatable? What the hell was Robin thinking? Unless…

Unless she was going to trick him into raising her love child with another man all while playing it off like it was a miracle. Yeah, that was it. It had to be. Why else would she go sneaking around like that? Where the fuck did she get the money for the procedure? They sure as hell did not have the cash for that.

He downed the last of his beer before tossing the empty aluminum aside. Jesse had hoped that the cool liquid would douse the rage building inside him, but he should have known better. Now he was wallowing miserably in his drunken state, drowning in questions that ate at him like a school of tiny piranhas.

Jesse muttered to himself in the darkness. "I just wanted to live a normal life with the woman I love. Was that too much to ask?"

The man tensed when he heard a key in the lock of the front door, like a coiled snake ready to strike at a rodent. But Jesse did not feel ready for a confrontation just yet. The mechanic wanted to see how his wife would react. He stumbled to snatch up the clinic's letter and held it in his hand, then pretended to be asleep on the couch.

The light flickered on only a moment after, and Jesse did what he could to keep up the charade of his unconsciousness. Thrush dropped her bag by the door and called for him. "Jesse?" Normally, her voice sounded so sweet to him, like a songbird. But now her tone had an ugly edge to it, as if a murder of crows now cawed in his ears. "Jesse, I've got something to tell you!"

His wife sounded so excited, but Jesse was not going to give her the satisfaction. He waited until she found him on the couch and her delicate lips touched his cheek. Jesse fought the urge to recoil immediately but chose to open his eyes and "wake up."

Thrush beamed at him with dazzling deception. "Jesse…" she cooed gently, squeezing his arm. "I have good news. We're going to have a baby!"

Jesse's heart sank. His wife. His beautiful, vivacious wife had betrayed him. Part of him dared to hope for a moment that she had not yet gone through with it. Maybe then they could have reconciled. But no, Robin was already carrying another man's child. Has she ever really loved me?

Jesse shoved her away and sat up on the couch as the ginger blinked in confusion.

"What's wrong, love?" she asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. His stomach turned.

He tossed the crumpled paper at her and it bounced off her head as he rose to his feet. "Do you think I'm stupid?!" Jesse roared as all his rage and hurt came pouring out in a powerful wave of emotions. "You were there when the doctor said it was impossible for me to give you a baby! Who is the father?!" he demanded.

Robin shook her head in vigorous denial. "Jesse, they only said it would take a miracle, and we did it!"

"How the hell do you expect me to believe such bullshit when you brought a different 'husband' to your appointments?!" Jesse saw the color fade from his lover's face and her dark eyes slowly fell toward the wad of paper on the floor. She picked it up and gingerly began to unwrap it, her fingers shaking.

Jesse scrutinized every twitch in his wife's face as her obsidian eyes scanned the letter. Her hand reached toward her mouth to stifle a sob. He saw the tears welling up in her eyes as she glanced up toward him, but the man had no sympathy for his cheating wife. She had been caught. I knew it!

"It's… it's not what you think, Jesse," Robin defended herself, her voice cracking with every word. But Jesse knew he could not yield even an inch, or his unfaithful wife would run a mile with it.

"So, you didn't go to a fertility clinic with another man behind my back?" Jesse challenged his wife.

She wilted. "I did, but -!"

"You lied to me!" Jesse spat. He did not care anymore. Everything he ever loved was an illusion. A pleasant dream with a cruel, abrupt ending. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?!"

Robin hobbled toward him on her knees, pleading for his forgiveness. "Jesse, I never went in for the treatment, I swear." She gazed up at him with her large, black eyes as she gripped the hem of his shirt. "I only went to the consultations with Paul to get pre-approved for IVF, so I could show you this was a real possibility for us. I even got the money from my parents - they want us to have a child as much as -"

With every word came another knife to stab at his heart. Jesse snapped. "Your parents never liked me!" Robin had been such a rebellious teenager and did things just because she knew the adults in their lives would disapprove. Was I just a prop to piss off her parents until she got bored with me? "I'll bet they were more than happy to fund a baby that wasn't mine. At least then their grandkid wouldn't be tainted like me!"

Jesse felt as if a fire were consuming him. "You parents always wanted you to marry Paul. How better to convince their precious, wayward daughter that he was the right choice all along?" He heard the conversations that his in-laws discussed not-so-quietly at the family dinners when he left the table. "At least the boy next door could give you the life you wanted!"

"Jesse, I know how this looks, but I swear to you, our baby is yours…" Robin wept, her hot tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "He's due mid-Winter. You're going to be an incredible father, Jesse. We'll have the loving family life you always wanted."

The man clenched his fists, and despite himself, he imagined his wife holding a child in her arms and smiling at him. Thrush looked so damn happy, looking at him. But the picture in his mind's eye fell away to show his wife and the baby walking away from him, with Paul and Robin's family smiling back at him so damn smug that they won. Jesse could not take it. He had to cut ties now, he could not let himself be abandoned again.

"No, Robin," Jesse asserted himself, shrugging out of her grasp. "We're done. You'll hear from my lawyer soon." His eyes fell on the woman who shattered his heart for the last time. The man strode into the bedroom to pack his things. I should have known that things were too good to be true…

Jesse held out his hand, the wooden ring carved with tiny oak leaves weighed him down. Slipping it off his finger, he smashed it under the heels of his boot. He could not cry as he threw his possessions into his bag. There were no more tears left in him.

Jay sat on the beach, watching the waves roll into shore in the moonlight. The moon looked upside-down compared to back home, but he was literally as far away from home as he could possibly travel. The beauty of this place was both breath-taking and alien. Jay never felt so small than when he did while gazing out over the vastness of the ocean and open sky in front of him.

It was lonelier than he expected, even in a paradise like this one. The man exhaled audibly and lay himself down in the sand. Jay grasped his mistake too late as his lungs struggled for air in the reclined position. He rolled over, seized in a coughing fit that made his entire body rattle with effort to expel the attack on his body. When Jay pulled his hand away, he saw the splatter of blood on his palms.

"You know it's bad when you feel anything while you're on all the good shit the doctor gave you, Jay," he mumbled to himself, gritting his teeth to bear the sharp pain. The oncologist gave him an assortment of pills that they only gave to the dying to make their last days more comfortable. They were otherwise avoided because of the high risk of addiction. You'll leave this world the same way you came in, Jay reflected as he considered his wretched existence. Strung out and alone.

He slipped out of consciousness as footsteps in the sand approached him. The man could hear a voice, but his brain could not process the words or the direction from which it came. The dying man clutched at the wooden ring, attached to his neck with a leather cord. His weathered fingertips ran over the delicately carved leaves that he had glued back together years ago.

"Thrush?" Jay whispered as his vision went out of focus. There was no possible way his ex-wife would be there, but his mind did not register that now. "I'm so sorry, I was wrong…"

Violet curled up on the floor of the bedroom with her back against the door, holding a pillow to her chest so her cries would not interrupt Robin's story. The pastel-haired woman could hear the heartbreak in her voice, a kind of physical pain that can only be experienced from a great, emotional loss.

She had not meant to eavesdrop at first, but when she awoke to find Sebastian gone, she got up to go find him. And then the farmer heard Robin's voice and the conversation sounded so solemn that Violet could tell instinctually that this was a moment she could not interrupt under any circumstances.

It was not her place to hear such a personal story and yet Violet now knew the truth. It crushed her to know that not even the truth prevailed in the end and instead Robin and Jesse parted ways. Even Sebastian's mother admitted fault in the situation, though it was not entirely on her. In the end, Jesse did not trust his wife and Robin did not trust her husband. Their love alone was not enough to keep them together.

Violet wondered how her boyfriend felt now that he knew the unfortunate end to his parents' love story. She ached to fling the door open and run to Sebastian for a hug, but it felt wrong to intrude and the farmer felt selfish for seeking comfort from her significant other when he was the one who likely needed it most.

And so, she waited. The farmer was not sure how long she sat at the door, but eventually her backside began to ache, so she crawled back into bed to wait for Sebastian to seek her out. Violet's head hit a lump as she flopped onto the bed, and she found the little plush version of herself among the blankets. She smiled and pulled out her cuddly version of Sebastian, taking their little arms and making them hug. It felt childish, but maybe this way, Violet could send comforting vibes his way.

Violet must have dozed off because the next thing she knew, Sebastian crawled back into bed with her and immediately buried his face into her chest. She could tell he had been crying from how damp his face felt against her clothing. She stroked the top of his head tenderly. "Do you want me to go handle your mom or stay here with you?" Violet questioned Sebastian.

"Mom went for a walk to clear her head." His dark eyes, rimmed red from his emotional turmoil, glanced up at her. "You knew she was here?"

The wavy-haired woman nodded. "I didn't want to interrupt, so I camped out in here."

Sebastian lowered his head again. "... Thanks," he replied meekly. "It wasn't a fun conversation, but I finally have the answers I always wanted." His voice was dripping with dramatic irony. She figured he must not be happy with the truth.

Violet rested her chin on the top of her boyfriend's head. "Do you wish you could go back to being the dark of how it all went to shit?"

"Yeah…" was his first reaction, but Sebastian took it back. "No, I just… I don't know what I'm feeling right now." The hoodie-clad man pulled away to see her face. "I'm so confused. I can't tell if I'm relieved or pissed off or madder than ever! I don't know who to blame now that I know that mom was sneaking around, even if it didn't matter in the end!"

Violet did not know what to say, but she held Sebastian's hands tightly. "It just makes me sad," she confessed, "knowing that they couldn't get past it and give you the happy life you deserved."

Sebastian frowned. "Who knows if my father would have run off later, though?" he countered. "The guy clearly had trust issues that weren't resolved."

"I'd like to think that they could have worked it out, but maybe you're right…" It saddened Violet to think that way. Her parents did not stick together either.

Still, she wanted to provide some consolation. "I promise I would never keep something like that from you." Violet stared unwaveringly into Sebastian's deep black eyes. "I trust you, and I trust in the strength of our relationship."

Sebastian let out an amused sniff from his nostrils. "You still want to be with me after hearing all that family drama?" He sounded grateful and Violet could not decide if that reassured her or only made her more depressed on her boyfriend's behalf. Sebastian was exhausted from the heavily emotional weight of his mother's story and its implications on his life.

And yet, the burden of mystery had been lifted. Sebastian was freed, in a sense. In knowing the truth, he did not have to wonder whether it was he who was rejected. In the end, it was not that his father did not want a child - he simply did not believe it possible. Eventually Robin gave up on her son's father being a part of their lives and decided to allow herself to move on.

Violet, too, did not know what to think. Both of Sebastian's parents were at fault and yet, they believed what they were doing was justified. Every heart involved had been needlessly broken.

Then, of course, if Robin and Jesse had worked things out, Violet realized that she may never have met Sebastian when she moved to Pelican Town. Demetrius would be off doing something else, and Maru would have never existed. It was strange to think about, but now the idea seemed so bizarre that Violet no longer pursued the trail of thought down the rabbit hole.

"I know things haven't been easy for you," the farmer articulated softly. "But I'm glad that all the events in our lives eventually brought us together." Violet tapped her boyfriend's forehead with her own.

Sebastian smiled weakly. "Yeah," he murmured, leaning in closer to brush his lips against her cheek. "Me, too."

Emily's annual physical began like any other medical exam. Maru retrieved her patient from the waiting room and went through the usual motions of small talk. The villagers had a habit lately of giving Maru relationship advice during their appointments and the nurse hoped to nip that in the bud. The auburn-haired woman did not, however, expect what Emily would say next.

"I am with child!" Emily announced proudly as she perched on the exam table for her annual physical. The woman practically radiated with joy; her face stuck in a smiling expression that Maru would expect to hurt in a few minutes.

Maru coughed in surprise and pushed the ruby frames of her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "Did you receive a positive result when you tested?" It had only been a few days since the wedding, but any respectable medical professional could acknowledge that couples had sexual relations outside of wedlock all the time.

The blue-haired woman shook her head. "No, but I was congratulated by an entourage of fairies last night in my dreams," Emily explained with a wistful expression. "They told me that since Shane and I made our intentions known by performing the fertility ritual to invite their aid, we would be blessed with a child next harvest season."

It was not the weirdest dream Maru had ever heard - especially not from Emily, who had quite the psychedelic psyche from what the researcher could gather. But it was a bold claim to make when the woman had not yet confirmed it as fact with any sort of test. Harvey would always have higher blood pressure and mutter under his breath for the days on either side of Emily's appointments. He was agitated by her insistence on alternative medicines.

Maru checked her vitals and found no signs of pregnancy from Emily's vitals. "I can give you a small box of pregnancy tests to take home so you can confirm later, if you want."

Emily declined. "No, it's too early for those things to detect it." Suddenly, Maru better understood Doctor Harvey's stress regarding the eccentric woman's appointments.

Still, as a medical professional, Maru had to find a compromise that made Emily feel heard in this situation. It would have to be handled delicately. "How about we schedule a special appointment once enough time has passed for a medical test?" she offered in her most diplomatic fashion. "That way, I can give you something official to show Shane when you tell him!" Maru flipped through her schedule. "I normally do annual physicals on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Would the last Monday or Wednesday of the season work for you?"

"Let's do Monday!" Emily agreed with a grin. "That way Shane will be busy at his appointment in ZuZu City, and I can surprise him with the good news when he comes home."

The brunette let out a sigh of relief as her effort to make the newlywed woman feel supported was rewarded. At least this way Emily would not go telling the whole town until after their next appointment and they could confirm with some tangible evidence that the woman's prophetic dream held any real weight. "Great, I'll schedule you for the 22nd!"

There were a few more minor details to address before Maru sent Emily home. She provided the blue-haired woman with a small bottle of prenatal vitamins. Even if the mayor's wife was not actually pregnant, if they two were actively trying to conceive it would not hurt anything. Maru could only cross her fingers and hope that Emily would not experiment with methods that would endanger her health.

Emily donned her matching Winter wear, then bid Maru farewell. "Well, I'm off to welcome the local snow sprites back to the Valley!" the woman declared in a dream-like tone. "I'll see you around, Maru!"

Waving the eccentric woman good-bye, Maru stood in the doorway of the clinic as she watched Emily skip off toward the Cindersap Forest. Her boss only scheduled her to run the clinic in his absence while he was away from the Fall and Winter seasons, so he should return by the end of the year. Maru felt the need to write thorough notes for this appointment, should Doctor Harvey have any questions. "Thank goodness he'll be back soon," the nurse laughed as she shut the door behind her.

Author Notes:

This chapter breaks my heart, but it's one I've been working toward since basically the beginning of this fic and I'm glad it's finally all come together. Something I told my spouse that I really want to bring to life with this series is nuance and I think we get that with how things fell apart for Robin and Jesse especially.

Those damn onion ninjas are really sneaky. T.T

For those of you who have not seen the art I've commissioned for this fic since you're reading here versus AO3 (which lets me post things like links and visual media along with the text), I highly suggest you check it out on my Ko-fi page. Just search the username I use here on that sight and you'll find them.

The artist is "Hagiym_" on Twitter if you want to know more about his commissions. I've hired him for one more (a teenage Robin/Jesse piece because I want that sweet, ridiculous 1980s fashion and a tender moment of theirs brought to life after this depressing chapter), but I'll have to stop for a while. My budget can't handle it, even if I want ALL THE COMMISSIONS for this series.