Mr. and Mrs. Williams
"So let me get this straight. You want to go to Sihnon."
"That's right," Harry said.
"Fanty and Mingo will be supplying you with the necessary documents."
"Uh-huh."
"But they feel that if you pretend to go there as a newlywed then the Alliance wouldn't bother you as much as if you went alone."
"Yup."
"You also want one of my crew, who belongs to the female category of our species, to be your spouse?"
"Precisely."
"And since you want to go to the core, Fanty and Mingo want to give us a job that involves smuggling goods out of a core planet which is known for its strict laws."
"Spot on."
"And since Inara is a companion, smuggling the goods on her shuttle is an option?"
"Exactly."
Mal turned to the rest of the crew who were observing the conversation with varying degrees of amusement.
"And you all think this is a good idea?"
"How much is the payoff?" Zoe asked.
Harry shrugged. "They didn't say but I'm sure it will be a substantial amount."
"This is a terrible plan and a job that we shouldn't even be considering!" Mal burst out. "Inara, would you want to be part of this?"
Inara shook her head, "I'm not comfortable traveling with illegal goods," she said apologetically. "But the plan does have merit. The Alliance would never search the vessel of a companion."
"Maybe that's true, but we're talking about smuggling goods from a core planet and we have three fugitives on our ship. We shouldn't be thinking about taking this job," he repeated resolutely.
"No one's saying you got to take the job captain," Harry said patiently. "All I asked was would you want to take the job."
"But you do want to go to Sihnon don't you?"
"Yes," Harry admitted. "And if Fanty and Mingo say going as a married couple is the safest way to go then I think that would be the way to go for me."
"So you're asking permission to take one of my crew along for a suicide mission?" he asked scathingly.
"I'm asking for your help," Harry snapped. "If you got a better idea then please, share."
"This is the first job we've got in a while Cap'n," Jayne said. "Do you really think we should let it go without at least discussing it?"
"We are discussing it," Mal bit back. "And I am of the opinion it's a bad idea."
"Neither Kaylee nor River are going to parade around as your wife," Simon added, shuddering at the thought of his sister or girlfriend being called Mrs. Potter; even if it were not real.
"Well who else can I ask!" Harry said, getting agitated. "Inara is out of the question because she's a companion; Zoe is out too because of her history as a Browncoat and more importantly she's way older than me. Kaylee and River are the only options I have!"
"I'm sorry Harry," Kaylee said regretfully, "But the idea of going to a planet like Sihnon just scares the crap out of me. I don't think I'd be able to hold my nerves."
Harry turned towards River feeling a little disappointed. He didn't blame Kaylee for being afraid.
"She's not going so don't even think about it," Simon said sharply.
"I wouldn't mind," River said, stunning her brother.
"River!" cried Simon aghast.
"You both have bounties on your head if you remember," Inara reminded. "The two of you traveling together will definitely alert the Alliance."
"We're not going to travel as Harry and River obviously," Harry said, looking at River gratefully. "We'll be disguised."
"Disguised how?" Simon spat.
Harry removed his wallet and pulled out his alliance Id and handed it to Mal.
He looked different in the picture. His hair wasn't the nest it usually was but was absolutely flat and hung loosely just above his eyes while a bit spilled over his ears. It was of a light brownish color and his eyes were brown too. Just these differences made him look like a completely different person.
"You look like an idiot," Jayne commented, guffawing.
"Gregory Williams?" Mal said, reading his fake name out loud.
There was more giggling at that.
"It's my alias," Harry said embarrassed. "It's supposed to indicate that this person is definitely not Harry Potter."
"What sort of disguise will I get?" River asked interestedly.
"What color would you like your hair to be?"
"Purple," she said immediately. "I've always imagined my hair purple or even lavender or bleach blonde." River was getting excited as she imagined different hair colors that she would like to have.
"You can stop imagining," Simon scoffed. "You're not going, it's too dangerous."
"Oh?" River said testily. "And you're just going to control the rest of my life are you?"
There was a sharp intake of breath in the room. This was the first time River had defied Simon's instructions this curtly and even Simon was a little surprised.
"Until we get the Alliance off our backs, yes!"
River narrowed her eyes and turned to Harry with a determined look in her eyes. "I'm coming with you," she said firmly. "I can be Mrs. Williams."
Inara whispered something to Kaylee and Zoe and all three started giggling.
"River NO!" Simon shouted. "The Alliance wants you dead and you want to go to Sihnon? Are you insane?!"
"They're not going to expect me to be there now are they?" River retorted. "Plus I'm going to be disguised with lavender hair and turquoise eyes and if Harry finds what he's looking for he can teach me to control my reading!"
"River," Simon warned.
"Simon," she mocked.
"This is stupid River. Don't be so reckless! You're acting like that time mother didn't allow you to go to Denise's birthday party!"
"So you want me to suffer forever, is that it?" River said, her voice rising. You want me to remain helpless little River forever?!"
"No," Simon protested. "But I do want you to be safe forever! If Harry finds whatever Fei Hua he's looking for, he can get it back and then teach you."
"It's dangerous for him to go alone, don't you get that!" she yelled. "And he's helping me so I want to help him."
"He's helping you, how? Have you forgotten that big fight that you just had with him earlier today?!"
"Focusing on his mind makes me think clearer," she snapped. "He told me to try it out and it helps a little but it HELPS! That's more than anything you've been able to do since I escaped!" She felt bad as soon as she said that.
"It does?" Harry asked, surprised.
He quickly sealed his lips when the siblings directed their ire towards him.
"This is all your fault," Simon accused, glaring at Harry.
"My…!" Harry began hotly but he was cut off by River.
"Don't blame him dear brother, this is between you and me," she snarled. "Does any one of you have a problem with me going?"
Everyone looked a bit startled at their sudden involvement for they were simply watching the two argue with fascination. This was a new River they were seeing and they liked it.
"Err, it is risky, River," Mal said carefully. "The Alliance is still after you."
"If they wanted us dead they would have done it already. They wanted to shut me up because of what I knew about Miranda but now the entire verse knows so there's no point in actively hunting me anymore. If they were sore about it they would have sent a whole fleet after all of us and not just me," she said.
"But there is still a bounty on your head, River," Kaylee said worriedly, "And now there's one on Harry too."
"It's a bounty, which means the Alliance does not want to be directly involved," she said. "I want to go!"
"Stop being such a brat River," Simon scolded. "You're still a minor and I make your decisions until you're of age," he said, bringing out his trump card. He sounded and felt like he just won the argument.
"Simon, River is eighteen now," Zoe said sympathetically. "She's no longer a minor."
River's face lit up triumphantly and Simon looked crushed.
"Mal, you're the captain of this boat and we're part of your crew," Simon said desperately, "You get to make the final call."
"River's free to make her choices doc," he said. "But if you want my opinion I'll say it again, it's a bad idea."
"River, please don't do this," Simon begged.
Harry felt guilty for making the siblings fight and he knew what Simon had to sacrifice to help River escape from the Alliance. "Listen," he said, "I'll go alone. You don't need to put yourself at risk because of me."
"Why don't you understand! Being in Harry's presence lessens the voices in my head," she said, her eyes tearing up. "He told me to focus on his mind and concentrate on reading his mind and his mind alone. It's not much but it helps!"
River, don't cry," Simon said, feeling terrible. "We'll change your meds, try even more treatments!"
"They don't help Simon," she cried. "But he does!"
"What about the job," Jayne asked irritably, having had enough of this emotional tzao gao."Let's focus on that instead of this fei hua."
"Jayne!" Inara gasped, appalled. "Don't you have any sense of empathy?"
"All I know is we're in this boat to make a living. And that works best when we have a job," he said uncaringly. "Now if little Miss Crazy wants to go with wizardo to Sihnon, I could care less. But what I do care about is money which we seem to be having a severe shortage of."
Simon was looking at Jayne with undisguised hatred but Kaylee and Zoe did feel that Jayne had a point, albeit a small one.
"This is the first job that has been offered to us in a while, captain," Zoe said reasonably. "Now I know it involves smuggling goods of Sihnon but we have done jobs similar to this in the past."
"That was before we went and pissed off the Alliance Zoe," Mal said tiredly.
"Let's have a chat with Fanty and Mingo and if things turn out to be too dangerous we'll turn it down," Zoe said calmly, "What do you say Jayne."
"Fine by me," he grunted. "All I wanted to say was we shouldn't shoot down job opportunities, especially ones that involve a huge pay off."
"But that means Harry and River will be our contacts on the ground," Mal said. "Are we okay with that? And can you handle that?" Mal asked Harry.
"I don't have a problem captain," Harry said. "But," he hesitated, "Do you consider me part of your crew?"
"Of course!" Kaylee said immediately. "Don't we?"
"Haven't we gone through this already?" Zoe asked bemused.
"Mal?" Inara prompted with a slight edge to her voice.
"We've been through quite a lot together, Harry," Mal said. "Not to consider you as part of my crew would be quite absurd at this point to be honest."
A smile grew on Harry's face.
"So yes, you are part of Serenity and if you need help you got it, but the problem we face is standing right beside you."
"Do you want to take River with you?" he asked curiously. "I mean you two haven't exactly been best of pals since your time on my boat."
Harry shrugged. "If she can stop being bitchy towards me then I got no problem."
Harry dodged the boot that almost crushed his toes.
"River?" Mal asked amused.
"I just wanted him to help me and he is," she said. "So I'm going."
"River," Simon protested again.
"Simon, I think you have to let go at some point of time," Inara said compassionately. "You can't keep sheltering her for the rest of your and her life."
"But…"
"Inara's right," Mal interrupted. "And I'm pretty sure Harry can take care of her if push comes to shove."
"He did take out an entire squad of soldiers on both Haven and Mr Universe's moon," Zoe added.
"And River took out more than a dozen Reavers with a sword," Kaylee said, putting in her two cents.
"So they're not exactly helpless doc," Mal said.
"But she's my sister," Simon said in a small voice.
"I'll be fine Simon," River said, gently wrapping her arms around him. "You don't have to take care of me all the time. I'll be fine."
Simon's eyes were glistening.
"I promise to keep her safe doc," Harry said quietly.
Simon was quiet for a while and then he looked up with a dangerous look in his eye. "If a single hair on her head is damaged I swear I will hunt you down and kill you myself," Simon growled. "You got that?"
"Crystal."
"Now can we go and meet up with those moronic twins?" Jayne asked, standing up and stretching his arms. "I've had enough of these sappy moments."
"It's going to be me, Zoe, Harry and River," Mal said. "The rest of you stay on the ship and make sure she's ready to fly when we get back."
"Does this mean we're taking the job!" Jayne asked excitedly.
"No, but it does mean we're going to get Harry to Sihnon," he replied.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Why can't it be lavender?" River asked, annoyed. All her color choices were being shot down.
"Because it stands out," George explained patiently. George was the forger for Fanty and Mingo's illegal businesses. He was the one who created Harry's Alliance Id. Right now they were in one of twin's warehouses where the exchange of cargo usually took place. One corner of the warehouse had been turned into a studio of sorts with a large mirror, a number of bright studio lights and a large table which had over a dozen cameras, forging equipment, computers, and loads of blank Id's on it. The rest of the warehouse was filled to the top with hundreds of crates which contained all sorts of contrabands and illegal goods.
"Williams, can you get the message through her thick skull?"
"Don't call me that," Harry groaned.
George looked confused. "But that's what it says on your Id," he said. "Do you mean to tell me that is not your name!"
"You're a funny guy George," Harry deadpanned. "Hysterical."
"You better get used to it Potter," he said, shaking his head ruefully. "It will help you stay in character."
"This is my character," Harry said. "All that's changed is my identity."
George just clucked his tongue and turned back to River. "How about dirty blonde and we'll highlight the tips?" he told her. "It's not what I'd call going incognito but it's not uncommon for women from the core to have some funky hair colors."
"If it's not uncommon then what's wrong with lavender?" River pointed out.
"Because you're attempting to go incognito kao! Do you even know how bright lavender will look?"
Harry grinned and River just rolled her eyes. He remembered how he had behaved with George but fortunately for him Harry wasn't as stubborn as River.
"Short hair would suit her too, no?" Antonio said. He was the hair stylist and the one who was going to work on River's hair. Fanty and Mingo liked to pretend they were classy by hiring all sorts of fashion experts. They even had a private tailor and designer. Harry felt it was ridiculous but he never said that to the twins. Their vanity was legendary.
River looked thoughtful. "Hmm… That is a good idea," she said intrigued. "Short blonde hair, maybe not bleach blonde but a little dirty, with lavender highlights. What do you think, hubby?"
"Don't call me that," Harry said, annoyed.
"Why not?" River asked, confused. "It will help us stay in character."
George burst out laughing. "Oh I like this one already."
"This is ridiculous," Harry said, scowling. "I'm going to see what Mal and your bosses are up to while you decide on how you want to disfigure her hair."
"I'll be waiting for hubby!" River shouted and Harry hurried towards the closed room at the other end of the warehouse ignoring the raucous laughter behind him.
"Wasn't she supposed to be the sullen sulky psycho one?" Harry grumbled grouchily.
Inside the makeshift office in the warehouse the twins and Mal were concluding business.
"So we have a deal?"
Mal stuck his hand out and shook both their hands. "I hope you understand how dangerous this job could get," he said warily.
"You accepted the job Mal," Fanty said indifferently. "Now we've done our bit and given you all the help we could. It's just up to you to do your part and not make a mess of things."
"And we're paying you more than we usually would and that's only because Harry's involved in this too and we trust him," Mingo added.
"I've never seen or heard about you two being this friendly with anyone," Zoe commented.
"Harry saved us from a particularly dangerous situation one time so we owe him for that. And he's been a good business partner in a few of our dealings."
Mal raised his eyebrows, "Seriously?"
"With him on your side I doubt even you could screw this up," Mingo said snidely.
"I'm touched by the amount of faith you have in us," Mal said derisively. "Let's get going Zoe, staying in the presence of these two is making me queasy."
"Oh the feeling is mutual Malcolm," Fanty retorted.
"Would it kill you guys to get along?" Harry said, hearing the end bit of the conversation as he walked in. "You're worse than a couple of five year olds."
"Not as bad as you and River though," Zoe said smiling.
Harry rolled his eyes. "So did you make a decision?" he asked Mal.
"We're doing it," said the captain.
"Really?!" Harry exclaimed. "How come?"
"They're paying us five thousand credits for this job," Mal said, his eyes gleaming. "And after a good long discussion we have a way of getting the goods off the planet."
Harry looked impressed.
"And you're an integral part of it," Zoe added.
"How about that," Harry said humorously.
"We'll fill you in when we're back on the ship," Mal said, responding to Harry's inquiring look.
"How's it coming with the devil's child?" Fanty asked.
"She's busy deciding what kind of hairdo she wants," Harry said grimacing. "If I'd known there was actually something girly about her under all that armor I could have disregarded this plan immediately!"
"Women," Mal scoffed.
"I bet Inara and Kaylee would love to hear you right now," Zoe said glowering at the two.
"What are they going to do, yell at us?" Harry taunted but then gulped and quickly hid behind Mal after seeing Zoe place her hands on her shotgun.
"Zoe," Mal said warily. "We need him in one piece."
"Oh don't worry sir," Zoe replied smartly. "I'm just going to let the girls deal with him and you."
"What did I do?!" Mal objected.
"I hate to break up this little feminine dispute, but we have work to do," Mingo said dryly.
When the party of four reached the makeover section of the warehouse all of them gaped at the new River. Her hair was shorter than before. It now fell a few inches below her shoulders and all the curls she had, had been ironed out. It was no longer brown but blonde with the tips highlighted with a smatter of lavender and hot pink. Instead of having a partition in the center she now had a fringe which was swept to one side. Her eyes, which were previously brown, were now light blue.
"Meet Mrs. Williams," Antonio said, taking a bow.
River looked thrilled with her new look and she twirled and curtsied. She had even changed out of her usual style of dressing and now wore a dark blue jean with a purple tee shirt. Her boots were the only thing that remained from her old outfit and all in all she looked amazingly different.
"Wow, you look great, River!" Zoe complimented.
"Yea, exactly," Mal said dumbfounded.
Harry on the other hand was looking terribly confused. He glanced at his watch and then back at River and Antonio.
"How long was I gone?" he asked uncertainly.
"I work fast boy," Antonio said proudly.
"But you even changed her hair color and she changed her clothes too!" Harry said incredulously and looked around for what she usually wore. "I was gone, what twenty minutes?"
"Five minutes of cutting hair, a few minutes for coloring and as for clothes, we're in a warehouse filled with all sorts of items boy."
"Aren't you going to comment on her new look, Harry?" Zoe said with steel lacing her voice.
"Oh yeah, you look amazing River," he said sincerely. Words simply failed him every time he looked at this new River. He wanted to say she looked smoking hot but he knew that would result in an endless torrent of jokes directed at him.
"Men," Zoe swore under her breath but River just beamed at the compliment.
"Thanks hubby," she said cheekily.
Mal and Zoe snorted at that.
"I said don't call me that!"
"Oh shut up you spoilsport and get up here," Antonio chided. "You've got to change too."
Still smiling, River was guided to one of the stools where George took a number of photographs of her and began his work on her new Id. On the other side of the table, Antonio was busy making Harry match his photo on his Id and once he was done he handed Harry the specialized contacts.
"Press your thumb on it," Fanty said. The twins were just watching the proceedings with their hands folded and their expressions blank. This was business.
Harry did so and was surprised to feel a little shock run through him.
"These contacts cannot be removed by anyone except you and nobody will even know they're there," Mingo explained. "They are absorbed into your eye changing its color and if you want to remove it just press your thumb to your eye for about three seconds and they'll pop right out."
"Wow. That's some technology," he said, thoroughly impressed.
"We got a shipment of these from a research facility on Bellerophon," Fanty said with a sigh. "Gotta love those scientists," Mingo added.
"That is cool," Mal agreed.
"Why would they be inventing such pointless items?" Zoe asked bewildered.
"It is useful," Fanty countered, pointing at Harry who had put the lenses in place and was now blinking rapidly as the lenses were absorbed into his eyes changing them from green to brown.
"How do you do Mr. Williams?" Mingo said, smirking.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Stop calling me that," he grumbled.
"Better get used to it," Fanty said. "It's going to be your name for a while now."
"All done," George announced, heaving a sigh. "Now comes the hardest part."
"This was the easy part?" Mal asked in disbelief.
"Now the Id has to be uploaded into the Alliance mainframe," River explained. "A history of check in's at various places has to be created to give the Id the authenticity it requires. Also a detailed medical background of the person will have to be uploaded to the Hospital where I was allegedly born and I also need to have a current residence and the place where I got the Id from and the officer who approved of it needs to be..."
"I get it!" Mal said loudly, stopping River's very educational lecture.
"She's a smart one when she's not violent," Fanty remarked.
"I'm not violent," River said innocently. "I'm very docile."
"Tell that to the guy whose ribs you broke," said Mingo. He was still very wary of this girl who could do so much damage with a single kick.
River smiled nastily. "He deserved it."
"So, are we done here?" Mal asked. He was tired of being in the same room as the twins.
"George?"
"We're done," he said. "The hair color will last you for a good three weeks and the compound we used will cover any root growth too. Make sure you keep your contacts on all at times and more importantly," he handed both the teens a bunch of papers.
"Your cover story," he said solemnly. "Read it, memorize it and never forget it."
"Thanks George," Harry said appreciatively.
"Good luck," Antonio said, handing River her Id and the pair departed, presumably to finish the other part of the work on River's Id. River examined her picture on it and saw that her hair was shorter in the image and there were no highlights or anything. Her hair was simply blonde.
"How long will it take to upload the data and bury it in the system?" Harry asked.
"A couple of days," Mingo said. "Your transport leaves from Ariel in five days at five in the evening, Ariel time."
"Anything else?"
"Payment," Fanty said impassively.
"Right," Harry muttered. "Same rates as before?"
"Plus an additional three hundred for the fancy hairdo and the clothes."
"We're going to need more of those," Harry said. "Mind if she picks out a few from here?" he asked.
"Go right ahead," Fanty said, gesturing towards a few crates behind him and Zoe and River hurried towards them. "But that will make it four hundred credits."
"So that's a total of nineteen hundred credits," mumbled Harry. He opened his bag and began to count.
Beside him Mal looked shocked. "Nineteen hundred credits for this!"
"That's our friend rates, Mal," Fanty sneered. "So keep your mouth shut or else a bug named intelligence might fly in."
"Honestly Harry, I have no idea what you see in these characters?" Mingo commented.
"Watch it," Harry barked. "You can insult them when I'm not around but please don't do that in front of me. They're my friends regardless of how you feel about them," he said and handed over the nineteen hundred.
"We took two suitcases too," Zoe said. "One for each of you," she told Harry.
"Consider them complimentary," Fanty said courteously.
"Pleasure doing business with you Harry," Mingo said smiling.
"And you," Fanty said, looking at Mal coldly. "Don't complicate things unnecessarily."
"I love you too," Mal mocked.
"Good luck," they said and quietly slunk out of sight.
"Let's get going hubby," River said cheerfully.
"For the love of god!" Harry snapped turning red as Zoe and Mal burst out laughing.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"God I love these," Kaylee moaned as she suckled on a strawberry. "The taste is so exquisite."
"Where did you get them?" Inara asked.
Kaylee grinned, "Snagged them from Harry's house," she said with guilty pleasure.
"Now if we ever find ourselves short of money all we have to do is rob Harry's house," Inara said chuckling. "Or send him to a gambling den and tell him to work his magic."
"It's quite shocking though. We left him for a few months and now he's so gorram rich!"
"And he seems to think it's not much," Inara snorted.
"How loaded is he?" Jayne asked, coming into the galley and joining the two ladies on the couch.
"He had a vault which was overflowing with credits," Kaylee said, sighing. "Man, I wish I were a witch. The possibilities would be endless!"
"You want to be a freak?" Jayne scoffed, popping a strawberry in his mouth.
"Don't call him that," Inara reprimanded. "He's just as normal as you or I but with a few special skills."
"He calls himself a wizard," Jayne said, rolling his eyes. "Have you ever heard of that before?"
"Well according to him there are many more like him," Kaylee said. "I do hope he finds his friends though. Must be such a terrible feeling; waking up and realizing the world you knew is gone," she said sadly.
"RIVER!"
All three jumped when Simon's shriek resonated through the ship.
"Looks like they're back," Kaylee giggled and they quickly hurried to the cargo bay to see what made her boyfriend shriek like a little girl.
"Oh my," Inara whispered, stunned.
"Who's that hottie?" Jayne asked, checking out the woman beside Zoe. "Wait, is that River?!"
"Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn! River!" Kaylee gasped.
"What have you done to her?" Simon gasped, aghast.
"Who's River?" River asked, looking at Simon strangely. "My name is Emily, Emily Williams."
Simon was close to having a nervous breakdown.
"Meet Mrs. Williams," Mal said, chuckling and patting Simon on the back comfortingly. "Now you can rant and rave all you want or compliment River on her stunning new looks but first let's get off this rock."
"Harry, shut the cargo bay. Zoe, fire this baby up and take us back into the air," Mal said cheerily. Simon on the other hand just stared at River for a few seconds before storming back to his infirmary. A glimmer of annoyance passed through River's eyes but it passed before anyone could notice.
"Kaylee, are we shiny?" Mal asked his mechanic.
"We're good to go cap'n," Kaylee said, still reeling from the shock of seeing the new River.
"Did we take the job?" Jayne asked.
Mal smiled. "Go polish your weapons and count the grenades," he said. "Hopefully we won't need them but it's better to be on the safe side."
"You got it," Jayne growled happily. He took another glance at River and said, "I'll be in my bunk."
"River, you look so different!" Kaylee squealed.
"You look beautiful River," said Inara warmly.
"Thanks," giggled River, completely out of character. She was taking her new role very seriously.
"Well looks like I've been forgotten," Harry grumbled, bringing their attention to him.
"You look nice too Harry," Kaylee said, rolling her eyes.
"What Kaylee was trying to say is you pale in comparison to this stunner over here," Inara said.
"Oh stop," River said blushing, "You're just exaggerating now."
"Emily huh, interesting choice for your name," Kaylee said, wiggling her eyebrows. "Any interesting story behind it?"
"My hubby chose it for me," River explained.
"Hubby!" Inara choked and Kaylee burst out laughing.
Harry just mumbled incoherently under his breath and quickly went up the stairs to the galley. He had things to discuss with Mal and he couldn't take any more of this hubby nonsense.
"He secretly loves me calling him that," River said conspiratorially.
"I can't believe this," Kaylee exclaimed. "You change your hairstyle and it's like a whole new person has been injected into you!"
But then her smile changed to a frown.
"You didn't take any drugs did you?"
River rolled her eyes. "Of course not. I'm just happy that's all," she said.
"That's wonderful River," said a broadly smiling Inara, "Now come along. Let's get you out of these simple clothes and get you something more befitting of a lady."
Kaylee nodded solemnly, "Your husband is rich and you're going to have to act like it."
"I wish I were his wife now," she added wistfully.
"Shush!" River whispered, "Don't let Simon hear you say that and he's my hubby so claws off!"
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"Are you certain this will work?" Harry asked doubtfully as Mal explained the plan to him and Jayne.
"I don't trust Fanty and Mingo regardless of their relationship with you. They might be serious businessmen but the soldier in me is just waiting for them to throw me to the dogs," Mal said.
"And this job involves hoodwinking the Alliance and if they sold us out to the feds then they stand to gain more than they could lose," Zoe said.
"I don't doubt your instincts, just the plan," Harry said wryly.
"This plan rests wholly on your shoulder," Mal said seriously. "But if you feel you're not up to it then we won't go through with it. But it's the only alternative we got."
Harry sighed and went over the details again and again.
"I'm going to need River's help if I have to pull this off," he muttered.
"She seems to be looking a lot better now," Zoe said. "You think she's still volatile?"
"She's very volatile. I can feel her in my mind constantly and it's amazing that she can focus this well. I honestly didn't expect that just having her focus on my mind would have such an effect on her but if something was to go wrong and she becomes psycho River…." Harry trailed off uncomfortably.
"Well then you have to make sure she doesn't," Mal said forcefully.
Harry nodded hesitantly and glanced into the infirmary where Simon was sulking. "Don't tell her brother about this," he warned. "Otherwise you're going to be dealing with psycho Simon too."
"I can deal with psycho Simon, you just worry about River, or should I say Mrs. Williams," said Mal slyly.
Harry scowled.
"Relax Harry," Zoe said, smirking. "Think of this as your honeymoon."
Harry growled.
"And don't forget to consummate your marriage," Jayne added. His mind thinking lecherous thoughts.
"That is disgusting," Harry spat his temper rising. "And this is not a real marriage so I need to do no such thing!"
"You think getting into the pants of hot River is disgusting? What are you, gay?" Jayne scoffed. He turned to Zoe and Mal for support but they were just shaking their heads at his crudeness.
"We talked about this Jayne," Mal said, "Do you remember? Something about limits? Lines that we don't cross?"
"This ain't one of those times!" Jayne protested, "I'll bet you a hundred credits right now that that's what the girls are talking about with River."
Zoe's eyes widened briefly realizing what she was missing out on. "I gotta go," she mumbled and hurried towards Inara's shuttle.
Mal and Harry stared at Zoe's sudden retreat with wide eyes but Jayne just laughed.
"So consummating?"
"I'm surprised you even know what that word means," Harry said, rubbing his aching forehead irritably. "This bloody marriage thing is becoming more trouble than it is worth."
"Well maybe if you stopped being so anal about it, you'd actually have some fun being fake married," Mal said grinning.
"O shut up Mal," Harry retorted. "The day I enjoy the thought of marriage is the day you profess your undying love for Inara."
That shut the captain up good.
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