I got a review on hold my hand saying that it was on Wattpad and the publisher credited me as an original author. I spend two whole days looking for the story and by hook or by crook found it. The publisher did take it down and god that relieved me so much. The stories I write are my hardwork, I put my thoughts, emotions and sweat in these. I do not write for earning any profit but that doesn't mean any one can use my stories for any other purpose than reading. That's straight plagiarism and utter disrespect for me and my works. Both of them are unacceptable.

If anyone comes across my stories on any other platform, I would really appreciate it if you tell me the author's name or attach a link to that person's account. I worked for years to weave the snippets in my mind into stories, I have worked so hard to improve my writing, I stayed up nights researching stuff which I can use and I love using this platform because it introduced me to so many wonderful people. I love writing. I love sharing my ideas. For us authors, our works are our babies we nurture with all our abilities and hopefully this won't be repeated again. I know that the person who did that had no ill intention and if anyone wants to write anything inspired by my stories, go ahead, I would be honoured if I can inspire anyone to start writing. Just don't end up copy pasting from anyone, that way you won't grow.

Woof that was a long author's note but it had been bugging me for a while and had to say it. Hopefully you guys understand what made me vent like that. Thank you for supporting me all these years and I hope I can keep writing as long as I can.

.

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So much for summer love and saying "us"

'Cause you weren't mine to lose

You weren't mine to lose

No..

~ August, TS

Dawn pulled the spare pillow over her head, covering her ears as the phone rang for the third time in the morning. The headache was killing her and she didn't want to deal with any thoughts of what she did last night. People keep forgetting what they do after being shit drunk but unfortunately, Dawn wasn't one of them. She remembered what she did, clearly and fully, and she wanted to dig a hole and hide there.

Once the phone went silent, she turned the screen on and saw two missed calls from her Mom and another from Lyra. Great. Just fuckinh great. If Lyra was calling her at this ungodly hour, it surely meant something drastic had happened. Wait.. did she hear about the mess Dawn caused? Dawn shook her head, no, Ash wasn't someone who would gossip like that. Hopefully.

Well, she wouldn't know what was going on if she kept thinking about it. So she slowly breathed out and was about to call her Mom back when her screen flashed again, showing she received a text from Lyra.

"Girlie! What did you do?! All the headlines are about how you left a hotel with Ray and someone saw you entering Viridian apartments at night. If you haven't checked the news, go! Do it!"

She blinked, unable to process the information. So someone saw her with Ray. And it wouldn't have been a big deal if they hadn't come out of a hotel. But, she breathed in, it wasn't something she couldn't handle. She quickly sent a text to Lyra, informing her that she would do it as soon as she could and put her phone down. A part of her was glad that Lyra was straight to the point.

Then it came flashing and flooding back to her. Ash. Someone saw her with Ash. And if that's the case, then his privacy was at stake too. She couldn't do that to him.

Ray and she were habituated with being scrutinized by the media and public. Ash was not. And she definitely didn't want him to be dragged into the mess, not when she didn't even know where they stood after the fiasco she caused last night. She hastily stood up, dialling her mom's number. She brushed away the hair which was sticking to her forehead and felt beads of sweat. Wiping those off, she quickly walked to the window, her heart pulsating so much that she couldn't focus on the call.

"Dawn!"

"Mom-" The voice of her mom was an instant relief. She could feel her nerves unwinding-

"I left you on your own for just a few weeks Dawn!"

Goddamn. Her mom had been calling her for this… There's fucking something up and then there's fucking something up to this extent. She felt a dreadful feeling creeping up her spine again and she instinctively braced herself for the lecture her mom was going to put her through. She was 23, almost 24! And there she was, getting lectured by her mother. Again.

"Mom, I-"

"If you have gotten together with Ray, good. Your life, your choice but visiting Ash? Again? After being seen with Ray? Why do you keep forgetting your every move will always be under scrutiny?" Dawn didn't know what to say so she just sat down on her bed, taking in all the blame. And it wasn't like she had anything to say in her defence. What would she say? 'Mom, I was drunk, totally intoxicated. Ehe?' Johanna would just rip her head off.

"Come on Dawn! We keep talking about doing nothing to trigger the media and then you go ahead and get into a mess. You're not a teen anymore and I can't bail you out everytime. When will you realise actions have consequences?"

She closed her eyes and sat down on her bed, feeling nauseous. "I think-"

"What?" Dawn heard Johanna take in a breath after all the rambling. She must have caused so many issues and problems if her mother was reacting that way. Well obviously she did. Dawn knew exactly what she did.

The sharp tone of her mother wasn't calming her down. Where do you go when the one means the most to you isn't willing to lend you an ear? She knew what she did was wrong. But now, she didn't want to hear a lecture. All she wanted was someone who would sit down with her while she goes through the issues.

"I think I am in love with him." Pause. Dawn could imagine how her mother must look like at the moment. Her eyes would be wide and then she will roll them, judging Dawn and her antics.

"Dawn, if you're in love with him, tell him. I'm sure he loves you back. No one writes songs about a person they don't care about."

"No," Dawn cut her mother off before she understood something which wasn't implied at all,"Not Ray. I meant Ash." Wait. How did she know about Ray writing songs about her? Unless- no. She was discussing something else. Something more important.

"Why would you-" Johanna let out a deep breath. "That chapter is over. Why would you want to go back?"

Dawn wished she knew. She seriously wished she knew the answer to that question. Ash had always been a positive influence in her life, or that's what she believed. Maybe it was in the way he kept barging into her life without any consideration. Or maybe it was because he saw the worst in her yet stayed.

Almost stayed.

"I will call you back."

"Dawn, no, don't-"

"Just give me a moment, okay."

Dawn disconnected the call and lied down on her bed, facing the ceiling. He did leave her too. He did drift apart from her even after making promises of never letting her go. Why would she fall for him again? Why would she want to chase after him again?

She seriously had no idea.

A sharp pang shot through her heart and Dawn realised that she had no idea what to do anymore. What would be the best course of action now? How would she get over him again? The first time was hard enough, but doing that all over again? She just didn't know why her heart would walk that path again.

Maybe that is the thing with him. In his presence, all her walls come crashing down. All the facade she puts on for the world never works on him. He sees right through her and that scares her so much. She becomes her true self whenever she is with him. The part of her which she hates so much, the obnoxious, irritating, overthinker, prideful one, just comes out infront of him and she can never control it. She lays down her heart and fears infront of him without the feeling of being judged.

And he makes her feel so happy. It is almost as if her heart is on the clouds but he keeps her anchored to her roots. He lets her fly but reminds her how to get down too.

She felt like someone had caught her heart and squeezed it. The heavy sinking feeling in her stomach was getting too much to bear and she closed her eyes, the urge to cry overwhelming her. She could feel tears forming at the corner of her eyes and she wiped that off, letting out a shaky breath. There was nothing to even cry about. Why would she cry? She knew how they had crashed before and there was a high chance that even if they got together, they'll crash and burn like before.

Maybe him not accepting the idea of getting back together was for the best. That way she would be spared from another screaming match and heartbreak. She hated fighting with him and it took her so much time to get over him for the first time. She didn't know if she was strong enough to do it again.

If she knew that it would come to this, she would have walked out of that restaurant. She would have not bought the red dress he recommended. Or she would have just let him keep both the cats. Or just ignored the bedsheet-less bed. Or… she could have done so many things to just cut him off yet she didn't. She kept going to his apartment complex to drop Olivia off just so she could see him for a while. Funny how her pride and ego just goes on a vacation when it comes to him.

But the fact that she wants him and he doesn't, would not change. You can't force anyone to choose you.

And the thoughtt that he would probably never fall for her again made her heart squeeze too tightly. He loved her before but that changed now, didn't it? He promised to stay but he did move on, didn't he?

She hated the uncertainty of human nature and the fear of getting left out or being not appealing to the one person you want the most. According to him, she was the love of his life. And now, she is just an exgirlfriend. What can you even do except watch and suffer when the other person falls out of love with you? You can't accept that and neither can you let go. Staying and holding on would just make the heart bleed and she had already bled so much while holding on to false hope. She doesn't have any more life or fight left in her which would allow her to hold on.

What hope would she even hold on to? What was the guarantee that she would become desirable to him again? After the drunk show she put on for him last night, she is pretty sure he would not desire her the way she wants him to want her.

"What do you mean Olivia is already here?" Ash asked Debbie, handing her Loki who looked way too enthusiastic to go play with the other cats.

"A young woman dropped her off a while ago," Debbie came out and closed the door behind her,"I asked her about Dawn, because you know, she is always the one who drops her off but the lady said she was just doing her job. She couldn't tell me anything."

"Oh." Ash could feel a deep sinking feeling settling him. So this was the path Dawn was taking. Ignoring him.

He waved goodbye and took his leave from the older woman, lost in thought. He made sure to leave early, so he could talk to Dawn when she left Oli at Debbie's place. But Dawn was one step ahead of him. And she also sent some other girl in her place so that she could avoid him at all costs.

He unlocked his phone and checked the text he sent her on whatsapp, biting his lips as he saw she hadn't replied to him yet.

She didn't have to get that embarrassed now, did she? He had known her for years and she knew he would never judge her. If anything, he was a little glad that she wanted to take this, whatever they had, a little further.

But he also knew why she was trying not to come across him. Afterall, he didn't give her an answer. What was he supposed to say anyway? 'Dawn, I'm not sure if I am craving a relationship with you at the moment but if you want we can try for a while?' She would be pissed if he said that.

So he did what he had to do.

Called Leaf.

And explained everything to her.

He could hear Leaf talking a deep breath and he braced himself for whatever she was going to say.

'So, she almost confessed.'

Ash mumbled a small yeah and began walking down the streets to the hospital, trying to sort out his feelings. What did he want? What would be the best course of action now?

Was he ready to live a life without Dawn and Olivia being a part of it again?

'And you don't feel any anything towards her?'

"See Leaf," He took in a breath,"You were the one who told me I had past issues holding me back from relationships and that I needed to talk to her and sort out things. But instead of things getting sorted out, it just turned messier."

'Don't turn this around on me dude. I wasn't the one who got confessed to and left the girl hanging.'

"What would have you done if you were in my position?"

"It would depend on how I feel. Like, you know, for example if I'm still a little attracted to her and have no partner at the moment, I would try to see if we are compatible or not but since both of you already dated, you already know if you're compatible or not. And if I don't feel anything, then I would straight up say no. Which brings me back to the previous question, what do you actually feel about the whole situation and her?"

"I just don't know okay," Ash could see the hospital in the distance,"That is precisely why I called you for advice."

"I am not going to make your decisions for you, Ashyboy."

"Fine."

"Just think like this. If you say no, like tell her clearly that nothing can ever happen between you guys, she would stop pursuing you. She would know that what you want is different from what she wants. And knowing her she would never ever bring this up again. She might even stop meeting up with you and cut all contacts."

Ash nodded, it sounded like something Dawn would do, no doubt.

"On the other hand, if you say yes, or not yes exactly but tell her that you are still unsure and would like to try again, she would do her best to make you comfortable. And there's no inbetween the two choices. You can't say no and expect her to act the same around you. It all comes down to what you feel and what you want."

"I don't want her to cut off all contacts with me," Ash spoke up, standing on the pavement, staring at the entrance with tired eyes,"But saying yes when I'm not exactly in love with her feels so wrong. I don't even know if that is going to be the right thing to do."

Leaf felt as if she had this conversation before. Oh yeahhhhh. Dawn said the exact same thing about Ash when they were in highschool. The urge to hit her head against the wall was strong but she stopped herself. What was up with the two idiotic grown up adults causing her migraine?

"You know what people do in these cases?"

"What?"

"Go on dates. Hang out. See if the old flame ignites. Do you actually think all people who start dating are in love with the other person?"

Hearing no response, Leaf continued,"Sometimes they are. Sometimes they're not. They fall in love along the way or realise that they are just not meant to be. You both are grown ups. You both know how stuff works. If you just want to be friends, tell her. If you want to be more, tell her. But for god's sake take a decision."

Ash felt as if he was back on square one. He didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to be friends with her but… oh god it was hurting his head way too much to just think about this."And that's what I'm telling you, I don't know what I want."

"You know what? You're just taking the short route out, hoping that things would resolve itself. That's what you did when Dawn broke up with you for the first time. You thought she would come back and so you didn't do shit. You thought Rosa would make the first move, so you did nothing. You thought Athy would come back to you, she didn't. For god's sake Ash! When will you realise that they're doing that share of the relationship but you're not?"

Ouch. "I am doing my share-"

"In the beginning you do. And then, you just start taking stuff for granted. Why? What you had with Dawn was so good, I had never seen you more motivated before but then you just stop putting effort because you thought she would never leave. You're 24 now Ash. I shouldn't have to explain this stuff to you. Dawn didn't leave because she fell out of love, she left because you made her insecure. And even now, you're going to do the same. Your indecisiveness is going to cost you the friendship which you two share."

Ash wanted to hit his head against something. Possibly hard enough to forget about everything. "I don't want to lose her as a friend."

"Yeah? She left with Ray last day and even after all that, came back to you. I think she has made her choice. And she isn't going to wait around Ash. She made her move and if you don't make a move, that would be an answer in itself. I am not saying that you should make a move if you don't want to. I just want you to think this clearly, without outside influence and make your decision so that down the line you don't regret anything."

"That's easy for you to say," Ash groaned,"Miss Bride to be."

There was some groaning heard from Leaf's end,"Gary and I had our share of troubles, okay. Don't assume it just magically worked out. And it worked out because both of us let go of our pride and compromised. Ask yourself Ash. What were you trying to do when you fought with your exes, were you trying to win or save the relationship? You would have your answer."

"Damn woman, you have a lot of hostility saved up towards me," Ash feigned hurt,"I am hurt."

"I can help you with anything but that doesn't mean I won't call you out on your shortcomings. I kept telling you about what you were doing wrong when you guys were on the verge of ending things. But you were too full of yourself to think about it. And for fucks sake Ash, make a decision. "

"Yeah."

"You will know what to do. Just follow your instincts. "

"Here's your coffee, young Miss," Maya kept the coffee mug on the table, watching how Dawn was going through something on her laptop attentively. Her eyebrows were knitted together and Maya slowly backed away to her seat, wondering what got her in such a fowl mood so early in the day.

"Why aren't the cases from yesterday filed up properly?"

Maya blinked,"I will go ask the person in charge of it."

"And if he has no valid reason, ask him to come see me."

"Yes, Mam."

"And also, if my mother calls asking for me, say that I'm very busy and unable to take calls. I would call her back as early as possible."

Maya nodded and slowly walked out of the room, having a little idea about what might had happened. The headlines were probably true. That would also explain why her Employer wanted a helper to drop and pick up Olivia from the cat day care.

No matter how busy her schedule got, she would always be the one to drop Oli to Debbie's house. A part of Maya didn't want to acknowledge the lingering feelings which were plastered over Dawn's face about a certain black haired doctor but now, it was getting too apparant to shrug off.

And that's why she couldn't understand why Dawn would fall in love with him again. She was repulsed by his name when they first met after years and now, there the lady was, heads over heels for him.

And by the looks of it, her Miss wasn't doing so well.

Back in the office, Dawn watched as her phone went off again, another call from Mom. Dammnit. She hated to worry her like this but at the same time, she really wasn't in a mood to get an earful again. She quickly typed 'Busy, meeting' and send it, hoping that she would get some peace till she reached home.

"I have to buy cat food too," She quitely mumbled to herself, her mind wandering. "I have to get her neutered too. Oh god, the list keeps piling up."

The phone rang again and she groaned. She was about to pick it up but halted when the caller ID showed ASH in big, bold letters.

"What?" Her fingers lingered on the green button while she kept going back and forth in her seat, trying to make up her mind. Should she let it ring or pick it up?

What if he was calling to tell her to stay away because he didn't want anything to do with her anymore? Why would he want to deal with paparazzi when he could just lead his simple, mundane and quiet life? No one would willingly choose a life of constant scrutiny. Her heart was beating like crazy and she bit her lips, almost picking up the call.

The call disconnected on its own and she sighed in relief. Atleast she would have some peace now- the phone rang again.

'I can't run forever from him, can I?' She slowly picked up the phone and placed it near her ears. Her heart was thumping like crazy and she slowly breathed in, her heart almost stopping when she heard him mutter a small hello.

"Hey."

"We need to talk."

"We are talking."

"No, I mean face to face, and this time, without the influence of alcohol."

Dawn breathed in. "Okay. Sure. But my schedule is kind of packed up and-"

"I'll drop Oli to your house tonight. We can talk then."

Dawn bit her lip, not able to think of any excuse. Oh. She could always use this technique,"But the media is kind of on our trails now. It might be better if we lay low for a bit."

"I am just visiting you, geez. There's nothing scandalous in that. I'll be there around 7?"

"Okay."

" Okay then. And sorry for hurting you last night. I was- We will discuss everything tonight?"

The possibility of this being their last meeting was weighing too much on her heart. Is this how their bittersweet relationship would end? Would he come and talk to her about how things wouldn't work out and they would be better off as friends? Maybe..maybe if she gets a proper closer this time, she can finally start to let go. Maybe he would stop haunting her dreams.

And then, maybe one day, she would be able to speak out his name without any pang in her heart.

"Yeah," Dawn could feel her throat getting heavier,"I will see you tonight then."

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This month had been so stressful. I am so glad that this hell of a month is finally over.

~ Darkestlightofhope