"Show me your thorns and I will show you my arms ready to bleed."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:- It's been a while since I wrote anything in 1st person POV so bear with the mistakes that escaped while I was proofreading. Writing has always been a form of arranging my thoughts and getting a hold of my emotions and I really should come up with proper coping mechanisms then I realize I could be using worse coping mechanisms and then pouring my heart and soul into a chapter doesn't sound so bad.

I've also been itching to write angst for some reason. If I take up another project, it is most probably going to be angst. We'll see about that.

Dawn's POV

Ash once told me that I can't be free of what I kept inside. But isn't what I'm keeping inside a part of me? Aren't my thoughts, my wishes, my regrets make up who I am?

I don't know and 3 fucking am is not the time to be pondering about my life. Pulling the blanket over my head, I closed my eyes for the n-th time, trying to swatter all the thoughts away and fall asleep. Nothing good happens after midnight and I don't want to overthink anymore.

But brain is a bitch when it decides to mess with us.

There are so many things I could have done. So many choices I could have made. And maybe, just maybe, my life wouldn't have been such a mess.

I almost feel guilty for feeling like this. Most people would die to be in my position. And those who won't, would kill to get what I have. Maybe the words which I heard when I was little was right. I do sound like an entitled bitch.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and undo my actions. Or hold my younger self and shake some sense into her. Even if my Mom never says it, I am sure I'm the reason her marriage fell apart. And I must have held her back from going into dating life again. No matter how much she says that it wasn't my fault, I know deep in my heart that I cost her something irreplaceable. Even if she forgives me for the nights she cried endlessly for my father, I can never forgive myself for being the bearer of bad news. Everything was perfect. He was a loving father, a perfect husband and I just had to run my mouth and destroy everything. My grandpa always told me family is everything and I was the one who robbed Mom from having a normal family.

But... if that had not happened, would I have met Ash and Lyra? Would I have been more approachable? What about Hannah? Me having a normal childhood would rob her of everything, wouldn't it? If Dad didn't leave, then she would have grown without him and would have despised me, wouldn't she? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to shrivel up in a hole and fade away. Thinking about what ifs hurt and I don't want to feel anything now.

I reached for the bottle of water on my bedside table, my throat suddenly thirsty. I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to face myself. I just don't know what I'm doing with myself. Was I just born to carry out my mother's business? What am I even supposed to do?

There was a loud, splattering noise and I scrambled up, switching the light on. The sudden influx blinded me and I squeezed my eyes shut, slowly opening them up to allow myself to adjust to the sudden bright room. The water bottle beside my bed was almost empty. Great. Fucking great. The door was slightly ajar too and I guess Oli must have sneaker out sometime after I put her to bed.

I really should hire security to make sure no one can enter this place while I'm out working or, I shuddered at the thought, when I was sleeping. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I scaring myself to death over just a noise which was probably caused by Olivia breaking one of the vases.

I slowly opened the door to my room and the lights in the hall automatically lit up. I found Olivia sleeping on the couch and slowly walked towards her, my heart wild in my chest. If it wasn't this troublemaker, who the fuck caused the ruckus?

Holy shit. I left my phone in my room. And if there is someone in here, I must have given myself away by turning the light on.

Maybe I can grab Olivia and run towards my bedroom and call the police. Yes. That sounds perfectly reasonable.

Oli squirmed in her seat and blinked her eyes open, yawning in the process. She got up and did a big stretch and I had to shake those cute images out of my mind because I needed to find the source of the sound. There was something protruding from under the couch Oli was resting at and I bend over, pulling out the magazine from under the rag.

Along with the magazine was the box containing her toys, with the toys dumped on the floor.

If someone was in the house, I'm pretty sure my cat would not be sleeping without a care. The toy box must have fallen down when she moved to make herself comfortable.

I knelt down beside the sleepy kitty and picked her up in my arms. She stretched a little and fell back asleep. Now, all I need is water so I walked to kitchen to get some water. Grabbing a bottle from the fridge, I slowly walked back to my bed and locked the door behind me. Keeping the ball of fur on the bed, I crept back inside my covers and reached for my phone.

Maybe Ash is awake. He has night shift today so most probably he is up.

But what if he isn't? He might be attending an emergency patient or resting? Calling him up at 4 am doesn't sound like a good idea. If he isn't available now, seeing the missed call later would make him worry.

'Sending a message might be better.' So she quickly opened their chat and left a 'You up?' and waited. It took him just few moments to come online and reply.

''Yes, you wanna talk?''

"That would be great."

My phone lit up with his caller ID and wasted no moments in picking it up, pressing the phone to my ear to hear his voice. Its been so long since I heard his voice through the phone and even longer when I hugged him in person. Sometimes I just wish I could take vacation without worrying about the estate Mom build for me to nurture.

"Hey there, Dawnie."

"Hey," I mumbled back,"I didn't disturb you, did I?" His voice always calmed me down and he knew exactly what his late night voice does to me.

"It is a great night. No new admissions. I am glad I have someone to talk to now."

"I see," I breathed out,"I heard a noise outside and-"

"Oh god," His voice rose up, and I could feel the panic which must have been rising in him. "Everything alright? Should I-"

"Geez babe, wait," I couldn't help but let out a small giggle, which promptly calmed him down,"I am alright, yes. It was just Oli who was responsible for it."

"I can come over if you want," He spoke up,"My shift ends in 3 hrs but I can get someone to cover for me."

"Ash, I am alright. Just was caught up in thoughts so I wanted to calm down and talk to you."

There was a shuffling noise from his end and I guess he was lying down on the couch in his chamber. "Get a security. Or better, move back with Johanna."

What? My breath suddenly hitched in my throat. It was almost as if I could not breathe. "No... she can finally get some peace now that I am finally out of the house."

"Maybe," He put his head on the armrest and closed his eyes,"But I am pretty sure Johanna misses staying with you too. The decision is totally yours, of course."

"I know," I could feel Olivia snuggle up beside her stomach,"Don't you miss Loki when you are out working?"

"I do, but its only for few hours and the automatic feeder is loved more than me so I am good," He laughed,"But yeah, snuggling with him at night is the best. But you know, if you move back with Johanna, back to Pallet Town, our time would be cut short again."

"And what if I ask her to move in here, with me?"

"Johanna doesn't seem like the person to leave her family home behind." Ash was right about that and Dawn just nodded.

"Yeah, that's true. But you know Ash, its kind of hard to imagine we have been dating for few months now. The kitties are all grown up and it was just yesterday when we had to feed them by hand. I hated the prospect of leaving her with your cat. Just sucked it up and did it because Oli is cute even when she is a demanding piece of floof."

"Yeah," Ash was smiling, I can feel it. "Look at us, co-parenting together."

"I have a day off tomorrow," I stretched my back, a yawn forming on my lips. Now, of all times, sleep decides to invade my time with him? "You will be busy sleeping but I want to see you soon. I just-"

"Say Dawnie," Ash spoke up and the tone of his voice stopped me mid-sentence. How could I be mad at his rude interruption when he sounded so genuine?

"Yea?''

"How do you feel about us moving in together?"

"Moving in with you would be nice, we can enjoy each other's company a lot more."

Dawn looked up from her book to catch him staring at her intently with an expression she couldn't make out. His hair looked ruffled since he had just woken up from a nap and she blinked twice, wondering if she heard him right.

"What do you mean move in with you? Ash, if you've forgotten, we are going to college in few weeks," She rubbed her temple as she put down her book on the table. He was being incredulous. How the hell did he even get that idea? But she couldn't deny the warm feelings bubbling in her stomach at the possibility.

He had the audacity to laugh at her expression and tucked her hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her earring which sent last night flashbacks in her brain and her face flushed red.

"Not now, obviously, but in near future. After we are done with college."

A part of her wanted to ask him how he was so sure things between them wouldn't change once they were in college. But his playful eyes and bashful smile made her lower her guard and she kind of knew what he would say if she asked that question.

-that he would always be hers to keep, forever. And if he asked her the same question, she knew she would say the same thing.

The sudden memory made her shiver. She wasn't really expecting old memories to resurface like that and took in a deep breath. Living together? With him? That sounded terrifying and great at the same time but-

"Ash, we should talk about this when its not 4 am and we are not sleep deprived."

"That sounds good, but yeah, I think that would be nice. Just saying. We can discuss this later." Ash laughed,"Because with our schedules, we don't get to spend that much time together. And I want to spend some time with you, without the urgency of rushing back home for resting."

"If we move in together," Dawn couldn't believe her heart was fluttering so wildly at the thought,"Where should we? You are always welcome to come live with me, I have a lot of space and you can use any room you want."

"Aww," He sounded a little disappointed but Dawn knew better and was sure he was coming up with a way to tease her. Ash sounded so innocent when he said,"I thought we would be sleeping in one bed, you wearing my t-shirt while we cuddle and talk about our day with kisses thrown here and there and-"

"I don't think this would just stop at kissing."

"I like women who can kick my ass at anything," He chuckled, "And I am sure you know you can easily kick my ass if I try anything against your wish."

She laughed and closed her eyes, "I was just caught up in some thoughts, and you know Ash, sometimes I wish you could turn off your thoughts."

"What were you thinking about?''

"A lot of things," She paused, "I really do love you, you know. "

"I know. "

A part of her was wishing that he would say it back but she didn't push it. Because someone who wasn't in love wouldn't suggest moving in together.

Ash cleared his throat and said, "Tell me about the stuff you were thinking about."

"Just stuff from my past," Dawn began, "Stuff which stressed me out when I was a child."

"Dawnie... " Ash whispered, "Your Dad left because he was a scum and also because he found peace with someone else. You didn't ruin your Mom's life, if anything, you were the best thing that happened to her. "

"But-" She knew he could read her well but she hadn't expected it to be so spot on. A soft, bubbly feeling wrapped around her heart and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't help but fall even more for him.

"See," Ash sounded serious,"I don't blame us for drifting apart, well I do blame myself a little bit for being so stubborn that I couldn't understand your feelings but now that we are together again, I am beginning to learn about you again. You have changed a lot but you are still you. I am falling for the present you all over again. Your Da- father, after falling out of love, didn't reignite the flame and instead, looked out for a distraction. Your Mom couldn't have done anything to salvage that relationship because your father didn't want it to be saved. And I am sure your Mom was way happier out of that relationship than she would have been if she were locked in an unloving marriage."

"But I did stop her from looking for potential suitors, didn't I?"

Ash couldn't help but laugh,"Maybe. After all you were a feisty young lady. Your Mom must have thought that if someone can't handle you then they weren't worth it."

"Hey!"

"Come on now," Ash tried to calm her down,"If your Mom would have wanted, she would have settled down again. Why she didn't, is totally on her and not on you."

"You can't just say that, you know," Dawn closed her eyes,"I don't know, everything just feels so overwhelming now."

"Give me 20 minutes, I am coming over."

Startled, she sat up, her eyes wide open,"Ash! Its alright, I might just be tired, please, you don't have to rush home."

"I want to," There was a shuffling noise at his end. "Moreover, I want to spend time with my favourite woman."

"Sure." She didn't fight it, she wanted him here and no matter how much time she spent with him, she craved his presence. His hands on her own, them just basking in each others presence.

''You sure don't sound okay,'' Lyra commented, brushing Dawn's hair out of her face. The blunette had tear strains on her cheeks, her eyes puffed and hair swaying wildly in the breeze.

"I am trying to be but the tears won't fucking stop."

Lyra wrapped her arms around the shaking girl who immediately enveloped herself in the hug, resting her head on her shoulder as she wept, her tears soaking up Lyra's dress but the girl payed no mind.

Lyra was rubbing circles on the poor girls back, and with every sob, she felt a part of herself breaking too. It had been two days since Ash and Dawn broke up after the incident with Miette and with every passing day, Dawn felt the hope she was clinging to fading away. He knew where she was yet didn't come to talk. He didn't even leave any text behind either. She was sure this breakup would help them sort their priorities but when he didn't even try to establish a contact, she knew it was over.

And there was nothing she could do to change it. Because how do you go back to a person who doesn't want you back?

That thought made her heart twist even more and she shook even more, her tears refusing to stop.

"I don't know what to do Lyra," Dawn cried, her head a mess,"I should have held on tighter, fought harder for us but -"

"Fought harder for what Dawn? For a guy who kept hanging out with a girl at the expense of his girlfriend?'' Lyra winced at how hard her words sounded but she couldn't help it. "You tried establishing boundaries and she kept breaking them. Why the fuck do you have to be the bigger person all the time? Please don't surround yourself with small people."

"But Ash," Dawn looked up, her lips quivering. Lyra would have strangled the man if he were to come closer to her best friend again. "Ash was hurt too, wasn't he? This separation must hurt him too, right? Then why isn't he here? Why isn't he here when I need him? Why did he leave Lyra?"

Lyra just hugged the girl back, she didn't have any answers. What reason would you give a heartbroken girl that the person she loved the most turned his back on her?

Dawn woke up to the sound of her bedroom door opening and she squinted her eyes. Her eyes were burning and she could feel her head starting to hurt. Ash closed the door behind him and discarded his coat on the chair and walked over to her and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"Didn't mean to wake you up sorry," He sounded apologetic and wrapped his fingers around hers. He ran a finger over her cheeks and she felt her face warming up. "Dawnie, did you see a bad dream? You are crying."

Blinking, she nodded and moved slightly, whispering,"Don't go."

He got into the blanket beside her and she immediately wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his chest. The remains of her hellish dream was still looming over her mind and she closed her eyes. "I had the dream about us going separate ways when we were in college."

She could feel his grip tightening on her as he pressed a kiss on her hair. "Sorry."

"Its alright," Dawn lied. She was far from being alright. If he could walk away from her once, wouldn't he be able to do the same thing again?

"No," Ash rubbed his hand over her arms and wrapped his fingers around hers, and brought it to his lips to press a kiss on the fingertips. "I was stubborn and stupid then. I allowed the love of my life to walk away from me because I was angry and no amount of apologizing would make it alright. I had everything I needed and I chose to toss it away."

"But you are here now, aren't you?" Dawn asked, reassuring herself more than she was reassuring him.

"I am here," He kissed her hand again,"I am here."

"For how long?'' She whispered and by their close proximity, she was sure he heard her. She didn't want to vocalize her fears like this but the words escaped her before she even registered it.

He pressed his lips against her in a slow, lazy kiss and then kissed her forehead. "I would not walk away this time Love. I don't want to lose you. Losing you the first time was hard enough and-" He smiled at her, cupping her cheeks. "I have never loved someone as much as I have loved you. I can't love anyone else but you."

She could feel her heart pounding against her chest. "Aww, you love me?''

He couldn't help but laugh,"Isn't that obvious? Wait, this might be the first time I am saying I love you after we got together."

"Yes," She pinched the brink of his nose. "Who is covering your shift?"

"Dr Moss," Ash said, his eyes lazing appreciating her face. "Apparently I owe him homemade tea the next time I see him."

"So your tea is famous at your workplace too?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Huh?"

Dawn noticed how his eyes shone in the crack of light. Damn, it was almost morning. "You make excellent tea. I like it quite a lot. Tried brewing it the same way but it doesn't quite taste the same like when you make it."

"I didn't know."

"You also humm the pokemon theme when you are cleaning dishes," Dawn giggled,"How you wanna be the very best-"

Ash felt the tip of his ears getting warm,"I do that?"

"Why are you embarrassed? Its endearing."

He raised an eyebrow,"Oh like when you sing at the top of the voice while you shower?"

She closed her eyes, snorting,"You can't rile me up. We should sleep a little, don't you think?"

He shook his head, laughing at her feeble attempt to change the topic. "I will continue this tomorrow because yeah, we need sleep."

"Loki?"

Ash laughed again,"Took me a while to come here because I was fetching him from my apartment. He is sleeping outside with Olivia."

"Yeah. Just move in. That would be nice."

.

I started this as Dawn's POV, forgot midway because I didn't complete it in one sitting and then I was too tired to change it. ;-;

How are you guys? I am so sorry for such a late update! Planning to wrap this up soon, so hopefully this installment will get its closure soon!

~ darkestlightofhope