I hope you all had a lovely weekend! Mine was spent in the TX heat at a softball tourney for my 6-year-old niece instead of at TS N3 in Wembley as I had initially planned, but life throws you curveballs (pun intended). Thank you all for the reviews; I truly do appreciate you taking the time to write something as a bit of motivation as the story progresses, even if only to let me know you're still there, still reading. Anyway, on to chapter five, I've found that this one keeps coming to me and if I get enough ahead, I will begin to post more frequently through the week. Meanwhile, have a great week!

Chapter 5 - After

And maybe it was egos swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur

All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

The Great War

Bella can hear Edward cleaning up the kitchen. Dinner had been frustrating for her, only wanting to know the thoughts that she was sure were plaguing her husband's mind. He had been unwilling to say anything, opting instead to turn on music to fill the void. Every now and then she would look up to catch his eyes on her though she couldn't quite tell if it was out of concern or grief.

But now, as she sits on their sofa, curled up under a blanket, she commits to giving him this time to process, knowing she still has one more thing to do so she won't spend the night tossing and turning.

Her phone is heavy in her hands as she unlocks it and navigates to her email. With a deep breath she opens it up for the first time since her mother's call, prepared for the onslaught of emails. But, to her surprise, there are only three. One from her mother that was timestamped before they connected, a discount code for a baby shop she had been browsing through last week, and an email titled, A Question.

Her heart is already pounding. She knows exactly what is in the body of that email because it's always the same. In the first few months and years after Jessica's death Bella received daily, or rather more than daily messages from a greedy public. Her inbox became a flood of constant messaging beseeching her, badgering her for comments that left her further traumatised by the national obsession that Jessica's death had triggered.

Things had calmed down after the court case concluded and Jason had been found guilty. Fewer requests for comments or inquiries as to if she could be a guest on a documentary or podcast because at that point, she didn't have anything else to offer, everything she knew she had laid bare in the courtroom. When Jason's first appeal was granted, Bella remembered that there had been an uptick in outreaches, but it hadn't felt as overwhelming as it had before. The emails had never fully stopped though.

She releases her breath before opening the email.

Dear Isabella, I hope you can forgive the sudden intrusion but please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jasper Whitlock and I'm a reporter with The New York Journal–

It was enough to have her suspicions confirmed. She didn't need to read anymore. Her finger quickly taps the appropriate icons and moves it to her Jessica file, out of sight, out of mind.

For a while she just sits there in their quiet living room, her phone face down on her belly and her head tipped back as she tries to take steadying breaths. Her fingers are ice-cold, so she pulls the sleeves of Edwards sweatshirt over her hands to try and warm them. She knows she is in some kind of shock, her therapist once said it was akin to PTSD, and she can feel it as her pulse runs fast and she can't manage to force her lungs to slow down, to take in full, deep breaths. Stress like this hasn't been so prevalent since she took the stand… however, things are different now, it's not just her, she has a baby she's growing inside of her. Their baby. What must the stress be doing to their child? A child they love so deeply already. She knows the answer to that, afterall, women give birth to healthy babies in the middle of war.

"Are you okay?"

His voice, the timber softened as it always does when he gazes at her, startles her and she can't help the little jump she gives as a reaction. She hadn't heard him leave the kitchen. But, if he notices her temporary fear, he doesn't say anything. Instead he squeezes himself between her and the armrest, putting his arms around her and shifting her to sit on his lap so he can hold her close. He eases her head down to his chest, and lays his chin on top of her hair.

"I'm sorry," Edward says quietly after a moment, "I didn't mean to shut off like that on you. I just… I needed a moment to process everything."

Bella lets herself relax against him, feeling his muscles flex as he wraps himself around her. There is something she finds so reassuring about his strength. His height shouldn't matter, nor the fact that he's stronger than he had been twelve years ago and she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt he would use all of that strength to protect her. Jason Jenks isn't a physical threat though, at least, he isn't anymore, and yet, his strength, his height, the way he cradles her into him, it does matter to her.

This is the first time all day she has felt any sense of calm, of comfort so she curls into him like a cat. His warm breath sends pleasant chills down her back, and she reaches up to lay her hand against his neck, wanting nothing more than to let his warm skin soothe her icy fingers.

"God Bella, your hands are ice. Come here."

He shifts her against his left shoulder and wraps his right hand around her wrists before pulling them under his shirt. He shudders for a moment, the ice of her hands to the heat of his chest. He splays her fingers out wide just above his abs and under his heart and then lays his large palm over both of her hands to press them closer to him. She can feel the steady beat of his heart.

"How are you always so hot?" Bella questions, nuzzling her nose against him as he softly strokes her hair with his free hand.

"No idea, years of shit central heat in Cambridge maybe?" he mumbles. "Baby, I'm so sorry this had to come now. I know how hard this is for you and it kills me so much that you have to go through this when we have so many other things happening in our lives, good things, things we've dreamed about."

She nods, pressing her head deeper into his chest wishing she could burrow into him.

Of course he knows. He's the only person in her life who really, truly does understand the complicated storm of emotions that Jenks' death has stirred up.

On the surface they should be celebrating. Jason Jenks is gone, forever. She knows, and she suspects Edward knows, that his death is truly for the best in the long term: no more appeals, no more possibilities of court appearances, they can fully move on and continue to build upon the life that they have created together. But short term, short term is going to be hell. There will be an onslaught of interest, a shattering of their illusion of normalcy. Bella will have to be extra careful at The Ink & Quill, concerned that any customer or caller could be a reporter. She has had run ins in the past but the last thing she wants to do is explain the situation to Sophie and her other coworkers. For Edward, she knows his boss' will need to know. They will alert the receptionist to be more thorough in screening calls and visitors.

But what upsets her is that the timing is the absolute worst. They should be concerned with the baby growing inside her, with nurseries, and baby names. They should be looking forward to the promotion that Edward is just weeks away from securing. If anyone was looking in from the outside, their life would look nearly picture perfect. But no, now these weeks will be filled with the thoughts of the life they saw snuffed out before Jessica could ever make it into adulthood. The thought is sobering.

All Bella has ever wanted since Jessica's death was normalcy, to hide in the shadows and let life march forward while she could find the time to come to terms with the nightmares of that night, but no matter what she did, no matter how much time had passed, that spotlight always found her, mocking her, keeping her from processing her grief fully.

For eleven years, ever since the trial, she's been hiding from that spotlight. For eleven years Jessica is the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up and the last thing that crosses her mind at night and she is sure, no, she knows, it's the same for Edward. They have spent their whole relationship with the shadow of Jessica looming over them. And for the first time, these last few months, with the baby, she's allowed herself to feel as though Jessica's death wasn't the defining moment of her life. And maybe that's why this is all happening now. She's been too happy.

"Are you okay?" she asks now, ignoring his question earlier.

"I'm fine," he says reflexively, and then, "I mean, not fine exactly."

He's struggling, she can hear it in his voice, in the tightness of his muscles. His tendency to shut himself off when things get tough had been a bone of contention in their relationship. She had always noticed that the worse things were, the more stressed he was, the more he would shut himself off from her. It permeated into every facet of their lives: stress from work, stress from family… any time those stressors reared their head, he would get quiet.

"Talk to me… please?" Bella whispered. It's been her cry for almost seven years now, once telling him that it's okay to need her as much as she needs him, reminding him that opening up to her would never be a weakness.

"I'm okay, really." He says after a few minutes pass. "Or at least, I will be. It's always been different for me than it has been for you." Under his shirt he plays with one of her hands before linking their fingers together. "When I know more of what is going to come at us, when I see more about it in the news, it will settle things a bit. Baby, I never had to deal with it the way you did. I didn't see… I didn't have to go through it like you."

It's true. Edward wasn't there, didn't see what she saw that night, but Jessica meant as much to him as she did to her, well, maybe even more. But because he didn't see it, didn't have to spend the next few days, weeks, months, year going over and over the details of what happened. First with the police. Then with lawyers. And finally, in court, in the witness box during a televised trial. And for her, it didn't stop after the trial, after Jason was convicted, because the fact was, the case against Jason Jenks rested solely on her evidence and no one allowed her to ever forget it.

"Even so, Jessica did mean something to you," Bella presses.

"I don't think you comprehend just how much you mean to me baby," he says softly, grasping her hand tighter as though he worries she might disappear. "I might have known her nearly my whole life and we dated for a bit, sure, but Bella, I've never loved anyone, least of all Jessica, the way that I love you."

His words melt her. The tears she hadn't even realised she was crying have soaked his shirt and she can feel the warm wetness on her cheek.

"God it guts me when you cry sweetheart… Maybe… maybe this happening is for the best?" He finally says before pressing his lips to her forehead trying everything to soothe her frazzled nerves.

"How could that be?"

"Maybe we can finally move on from all this. He's gone. No threat of ever getting out of prison and coming to find you. And yes, it might be stressful right now, but as long as you get through this, our baby gets through this, so will we and on the other end. Baby, we'll have everything and nothing holding us back. It's like the future is finally ours."

She thinks about it then. About the years that lay in front of them, so endless compared to the years behind them now. Seven years ago he came to her, just after getting his MBA, travelled all the way to Seattle, leaving behind New England, his family, and friends. They moved in together after three months and were married less than two years later. And now, they had just settled into a house that they had been able to purchase, Edward was about to be promoted to Vice President at the marketing firm he worked for, and of course their baby, due in five months. There was so much to look forward to, and the looming possibility of Jason filing another appeal was now impossible. Edward is right, the future is finally theirs. But even so, she can't help but wonder why it doesn't feel right.

"The Times said he was preparing an appeal. I don't think I could have taken that. I'm so worried about all the renewed interest," she sighs. "If that appeal had come in a few months, I've been thinking all night how I would have handled it if I was six, seven, eight months pregnant…" She stops, thinking about what she is going to say next, how she is going to say it. "But you're right… when this is over…"

His arm tightens around her back and she looks up to him again.

"When this is over in a few weeks, once the frenzy dies down, Bell, it will finally, really, be over." His voice is firm and, for the first time, Bella allows herself to believe that it might be true.