Author's note: CW reference to Professor Young's death, emetophobia, eating disgusting things

X

Dear Remus 25/12/73

Happy Christmas!

Hope yours is happier than mine.

If I could Apparate I'd be there yesterday. Already sick of this. Sick of them. I'd rather be with you. I hope you're doing okay but knowing you you're probably just spending all your time in the library. Probably hiding somewhere so Farrow won't kick you out. James probably should have left his cloak for you. Buuuuut you probably wouldn't use it anyway. I hope you're at least getting some sleep.

If I can convince my parents I will try to come back before the holiday is over. Mother has a lot of parties planned so I don't know if I can. There is a big one on new years and the Black Heir needs to make an appearance. Thinking about that appearance including a shirt that says wanker and bollocks all over it.

Eleven more days.

I know we agreed to exchange prezzies when we get back but ive got a little something extra for you. Don't tell the others, ok?

Sirius

PS im becoming a poet. Ready?

Gryffindor gold and Gryffindor red

How I wish my family was dead

do you like it?

Included was a very good drawing of Sirius locked in a tower, arms folded across the windowsill as he looked up at the sky. Below was Remus on a horse carrying a sword. Remus snorted, rolling his eyes but secretly really loving the drawing. He pasted it up on the wall, planning on taking it down whenever the holidays were over. Then he remembered Longbottom coming in the night before, so he took it down and put it in his desk drawer instead.

He did spend the rest of the morning in the library. He was done with all his homework, so instead he began researching various things that caught his interest. It wasn't until he picked up a book about runes that he remembered something.

The dagger. The dagger that killed Professor Young, and the runes engraved on the handle. He blinked down at the book in front of him then got up, returning to the runes section to find more books. He had no idea what would help, or even how to find these runes. The easiest way would be to draw them and ask Professor Quirk or Codde, but if they were involved with dark magic, he didn't want to explain to them why he wanted to know.

He dumped the pile of books on the table and got out some parchment to draw the runes as best he could. His memory of them wasn't exactly the best, and he wondered if he could get Fawley to help—though that would probably be awful of him, forcing her to see Professor Young's skeleton; especially when they had known each other.

No, he needed to do this completely on his own, but when he finished drawing them he wasn't sure if he got them right or not. He tried desperately to remember, but all that came back was her spirit and then Peter screaming.

It'll have to do.

He spent the next two hours pouring through books until his stomach grumbled, reminding him he hadn't had any breakfast. Or supper the night before. Sighing, he tucked the parchment deep in his satchel and then chose four books to check out.

Remus went to the Great Hall, on the lookout for Snape but not seeing him. He wondered if anyone had told any of the teachers. Curiosity drove him over to the three fourth years who all smiled as he approached.

"Hey, little buddy!" Weasley said happily, patting the bench next to him. "Set your arse down and get a plate."

Remus sat down, feeling guilty as he hadn't planned on eating with them. "I w-was just wondering if—if you—erm—about last night…"

"Frank said it was you," O'Kelley said as he stirred his soup, his eyes focused on Remus. "The blood."

Remus ducked his head, getting his own bowl of soup and a thick slice of bread.

"Want me to rough someone up?" Weasley offered. "Don't even need to use magic. Grew up with four brothers, I can throw a punch. And an elbow."

"No—no thank you. I w-was only wondering if you—if—if you told… anyone?" Remus glanced around at all three of them.

"You mean a teacher?" Longbottom asked bluntly, and Remus nodded. "No, but I'm sure they know by now, or know something if none of the paintings said anything."

Usually, paintings kept to themselves and didn't bother with the real world. Some would help out and give directions, but generally they weren't snitches. Some were, though. It was just always a gamble.

"Why're you protecting the pillock that did it?" Weasley asked.

"I…" Remus wished he had curbed his curiosity better. "I don't like to cause trouble."

That caused all three of them to burst into loud laughter, gaining the attention of a lot of other students. Longbottom pounded the table, tears practically streaming down his face as he said, "Mate, you chose the wrong friends in that case!"

At that Remus's lips twitched and then he began giggling a bit too. "I didn't mean like that," he rectified when they managed to calm down, feeling strange for laughing with three strangers. "I mean—"

"You don't want to make the bullying worse," O'Kelley suggested, still snickering a bit.

"I'm telling you, punch'em in the nose—wham!" Weasley punched a fist into his other hand, making a loud smacking sound. "Most Purebloods don't know what to do with that, they rely on their magic too much."

"Snape wouldn't ca—" Remus stopped, clapping his hand over his mouth.

Weasley's eyes narrowed. "Snape, eh?"

"Please don't do anything!" he whispered, mortified he had accidentally given it away.

"We won't," Longbottom promised before Weasley could say anything. "Right?" O'Kelley flipped his ponytail back over his shoulder and shrugged, muttering an agreement. Weasley was scowling. "Right?" Longbottom demanded.

"Fine," Weasley grumbled. "I won't punch the little git. But you know, you helped with my homework, I owe you something." He smacked his hand again. "What if my foot accidentally sticks out while he's walking by? I got big feet, it could happen." Longbottom coughed and Weasley's hand dropped.

"You—it—you don't owe me anything," Remus said. "It isn't a big deal."

"It is for someone who barely scrapes a passing grade," Longbottom teased and Weasley flipped him off.

After the meal, Remus went to his dorm to continue researching the runes. Something kept tickling the back of his head and he knew he was overlooking something, he just didn't know what.

The rest of the weekend was spent like that: nose buried in runes and a miserable sensation that he was forgetting something. Letters from James and Peter arrived on Saturday, along with a letter from his mother. He was surprised one hadn't come sooner and when he opened the very thick envelope he found out why. Apparently they were on holiday in France, and they couldn't afford to send too many owls. Hope lamented not spending Christmas with him, and talked for several pages about how much she missed him and that seeing him would have been better… though she did finally admit she was enjoying the holiday. Then on Sunday, another letter from Sirius inquiring if Remus knew how many years he'd spend in Azkaban if he murdered his cousin.

Please don't murder anyone, Remus wrote back. I wouldn't be able to visit you in Azkaban and I'd miss you.

Also on Sunday the Gossiping Ghoul managed to break onto the radio again. Remus didn't find out until supper when Longbottom, Weasley, and O'Kelley were complaining about it. Longbottom was rather red in the face as he wished whoever it was would be arrested.

"Some of it I don't care about," Longbottom said, teeth clenched. "But a lot of it is made up."

"What did you think about it?" Weasley asked Remus.

Remus hesitated, glancing around at their faces. "I, erm, didn't—I didn't hear any of it." The others exchanged glances. "Why? Wh-what was…? Is something going on?"

"No," Longbottom and O'Kelley chorused.

"Yeah," Weasley said, making a face when the others glared. "What? Why pretend?"

Remus's heart began racing as he tried to figure out what the Ghoul could have said that would involve him. The only thing that came to mind was werewolf at Hogwarts. But the trio wouldn't know it had anything to do with him. So that wasn't it.

"The Blacks," O'Kelley finally said. "The Ghoul talked a lot about the Blacks and… well, made a few remarks about how it was possible one of them became a Gryffindor. Said some things about it."

Sirius. "Is that—how—but Sirius is a kid," Remus stammered out. "That sh-should be illegal to be saying things about him on—on—"

"It isn't exactly a Ministry-sanctioned program," Longbottom pointed out. "The Ghoul's doing whatever the hell it wants. And yes, it should be illegal, and as I said the Ghoul should be arrested."

O'Kelley patted Longbottom's arm and Remus recalled the first time the Ghoul broke onto the air, about to say something about the Longbottom family and all the trouble it caused him. For a second Remus wondered if that's why Longbottom was at Hogwarts for Christmas, because something was going on with his family; the thing the Ghoul never got a chance to say. He knew O'Kelley was staying because he didn't want to be around his parents and only cared about his sister, who wouldn't be home, and Weasley said he was tired of 'overcrowded Christmases', though Longbottom told Remus it was really because Weasley was afraid of his sister-in-law. Apparently, Weasley taught his nephews some swear words and their mother was none too happy.

But Longbottom, Remus wasn't entirely sure why he wasn't home. However it was none of his business.

"What did the—the Ghoul say about Sirius?"

"Not much," Weasley promised. "As Cath said, only a few bleedin' things like how it was weird one of them was a Gryffindor, and…" He rubbed the side of his nose. "The Ghoul did try to make it seem like it was planned."

"Planned?"

"Like the Blacks put him in Gryffindor on purpose."

Remus frowned. "The Sorting Hat—that—that's ridiculous. What else?"

"There was a lot about how the patriarch of the family was looking gravely ill," O'Kelley told him. "And also a bit about how the Blacks are throwing a lavish party tomorrow night and one can only get in if their blood has been in the books for multiple generations. A lot of complaints about the treatment of anyone with the slightest bit of 'mixed blood', and that the Blacks are one of the many families perpetuating that."

The others began discussing who the Ghoul might be, and what their goal was. Remus ate his food in silence, thinking the same thing. He could understand going after families like the Blacks—they were awful—but innocent kids like Sirius, even if he was a Black? Families like the Longbottoms? It seemed a bit much.

The next day there was a scathing letter in the Daily Prophet from Sirius's father about how the Ghoul needed to be found and taken into custody.

It is apparent this is some half-blood or Muggleborn intent only in stirring up trouble, he wrote. People such as this… 'Ghoul' are precisely why there is so much division in the wizarding world.

Remus snorted, putting the paper down. People like you are why there's so much division, he thought, wondering what Sirius had to say about the matter. He hoped it hadn't caused him any problems with his family. He knew they hated he was a Gryffindor, and the fact being brought up so publicly was sure to make his parents mad. Unless they were too busy with the party, which Remus hoped.

It was, after all, New Year's Eve. Not that Remus had anything planned. The previous year the holidays had been over by now and the Gryffindors celebrated in their tower. Sirius had kissed Cassie for the first time that night.

Remus figured he'd spend the time doing what he had been doing: rune researching. After supper he sat at his desk and went over the newest batch of books he had checked out of the library, taking notes and frowning, knowing he was missing something. Maybe the rune was drawn wrong?

At about nine pm there was a knock at his door. "Erm, yes?" Remus asked, turning off the Elton John record that had been playing on repeat for hours.

Longbottom again. "Hey," he said cheerfully. "Want to celebrate?"

"Celebrate?" Remus blinked a few times then remembered, again, what day it was. "Erm—"

Longbottom laughed and came in. "Come on, we've got butterbeer and lots of snacks. And games!" Remus paused, not really wanting to go. Despite sitting with the trio so often during the holidays, he still didn't feel like he knew them well enough to do something like that. "Come for a little bit, and if you're not having fun you can just leave. None of us will take offense. Plus I really did go a bit overboard with the butterbeer, and if Quin drinks it all he'll end up drunk. Nobody wants that."

Remus shut the book, figuring it'd be polite to at least go for a few minutes. Longbottom was being nice, and he shouldn't be rude in return. "I p-probably won't stay—"

"That's fine," Longbottom promised, and took Remus to their dorm. He could hear the music before the door was opened, one of Kaiso's albums. Hopefully it didn't have Full Moon Howl on it.

It was a five bed dorm, like Remus's, only all the beds had been shoved as close together as possible to make more room for… well, he wasn't sure what Weasley and O'Kelley were doing. Weasley was blindfolded and O'Kelley was spinning him around. Then O'Kelley stopped him, pointing him towards—

"What?" Remus asked, taken completely aback at what he saw.

"Incendio!" Weasley said, shooting off a small spurt of fire. There was a scorched target on the wall… but this fire went way off the mark and began burning an already-rather-burnt curtain which O'Kelley quickly put out. Weasley lifted his blindfold. "Bugger all. All right, again."

"You're—the—that—that's—th-that's d-dangerous—" Remus sputtered out as O'Kelley began spinning the blindfolded Weasley once more.

"It's fun," O'Kelley giggled, pointing Weasley towards the target; this time the flames hit the stone wall doing nothing. "Missed again."

"Bugger all!" Weasley ripped the blindfold off and held it out towards Remus. "Wanna have a go?"

Remus backed up, knocking into Longbottom. "Th—that's—it's—fire isn't a-a-a-a game!" He felt warm, knowing how hypocritical he was being, considering how many times he had set someone else on fire. But there was a difference between using fire to defend oneself and—and—and this! It looked like something James and Sirius would come up with when Remus wasn't around to tell them how unbelievably stupid it was.

"It can be," Weasley said, reminding him too much of James and Sirius. If they ever decided to hang out together, Hogwarts would probably burn to the ground. Stone walls and all.

"We make sure to point in the right direction," Longbottom promised, shutting the door behind them. "Nothing to burn, unless you are complete bollocks like Quin and hit the curtains."

"Fuck off." Weasley turned and put the blindfold around O'Kelley, spinning him.

Remus thought he might just leave, feeling completely out of his element. What was he even doing? He wasn't a people person. He was a Marauder person, and a book person, and—

"Come on," Longbottom said, taking him by the arm and pulling him over to one of the beds. There was a large assortment of snacks piled on a towel, and another towel keeping nearly two dozen bottles of butterbeer icy cold. Longbottom really had gone overboard.

"Why fire?" Remus asked as O'Kelley hit the edge of the target. "Why nnn-not something safer?"

"Because this is fun," said Weasley as he spun O'Kelley again. Remus bit his tongue, not wanting to lecture fourth years about how it was unbelievably stupid and dangerous and—

Longbottom pointed at a large jar of burn cream. "We're fine, we put out the fires right away and we have that for emergencies."

And people say James and Sirius are the crazy ones, Remus thought as he sat down in a chair, feeling like he was intruding even though he had been invited. Longbottom offered him a bottle of butterbeer and he took it, not wanting to be rude and also really wanting one. He had been thinking of fourth years as older and more responsible but that was silly; they weren't much older than the Marauders. Sirius was already fourteen. And Jean-Marie, while looking older, definitely acted like the Marauders sometimes. He really needed to shake off the idea that older meant more mature. Because this was far from mature.

"Incendio!" O'Kelley exclaimed and hit the middle of the target. Weasley clapped his back and O'Kelley lifted the blindfold. "Yes! I win! I winn!" He jumped up and down, pumping his arm victoriously.

Longbottom cleared his throat. "Final score: Cath: seven points. Frank: three points. Quin: minus two."

"Minus?" Remus asked.

Longbottom gestured towards the curtains. "Each time he got those it's minus a point."

"And—he d-did it twice?" Remus wondered how the room hadn't been turned to ash yet.

"Four times, actually," Weasley said, sounding far too proud for burning curtains. "I did hit the target once and got two points."

Longbottom stuck what looked like a piece of gold foil to O'Kelley's shirt, a silver one to his own, and a bronze one on Weasley. They all had bits of foil stuck on them, all three with all three colors. Obviously, they had been playing games for a while. That was also when Remus realized Weasley was wearing one of the strangest things he had ever seen. A bright orange shirt, a blue waistcoat, and green trousers. It all clashed horribly and made Remus's eyes hurt a little. Maybe he had lost a bet?

The games continued and Remus turned down multiple offers to join them. He was content to watch, and anyways he still felt uncomfortable being around them. He felt like a first year again, on the fringe of everything; outside looking in.

Suddenly, a jar was being pushed into his hands.

"Here," O'Kelley said, "you can pull them."

"Pull—pull what?" There were little bits of paper in the jar and when Remus looked up he saw that there were jars, bags, containers, and all sorts of things holding what looked to be potion ingredients. "What?"

"Whoever eats the most scores the most," Weasley said, rubbing his hands eagerly. "I've never lost."

"I told you we should have done something else," grumbled Longbottom though he didn't look too mad.

"You're… ingesting… raw potion ingredients?" Remus asked faintly, shrinking back on the chair as he clutched the jar. What was wrong with these boys?

"Nothing poisonous," O'Kelley promised. "Not since Quin tried to get me to eat some belladonna."

"And I still think you should have lost a damn point for not eating it," Weasley said stubbornly.

O'Kelley narrowed his eyes. "It was poisonous, it would have killed me!"

Weasley waved his hand dismissively. "You could have gone to Slughorn, you'd have been fine."

"And said what?! That I ate belladonna?!"

"I'm sure he's heard worse."

"Yeah like the time I forced ten gallons of flobberworm mucus down your throat," O'Kelley growled.

Weasley frowned. "When did that happen?"

"In ten seconds if you don't shut up about the fact I wouldn't eat poison."

Remus drew his feet up on the chair, feeling like he was listening to his friends. It made him more relaxed, but that made him less relaxed; he couldn't be relaxed. He shouldn't be. Longbottom mistook the look on his face and promised that Weasley and O'Kelley argued the time, that it was nothing new. Then he suggested Remus take out a piece of paper, saying he'd go first. That shut the other two up, and all three were looking at Remus now.

"Erm. A-all right, if—if you're… sure…" He reached in and pulled a strip of paper out, hoping he wasn't trembling too much. If they ate something that hurt them, it wouldn't really be his fault. He was only reading off the paper. They'd have done it anyway. "Um. Lavender."

"Fuck!" Weasley yelled.

"All right!" laughed Longbottom as he picked up a jar and pulled a small sprig of lavender out. He took a bite, making a slight face as he chewed and swallowed. "Frankie's on the board!"

Most of the ingredients turned out to be completely harmless. Herbs and other plants that didn't cause any issue. But O'Kelley did force down a piece of dried liver (and promptly vomited it up in the toilet) while Longbottom refused to drink any flobberworm mucus (which had Weasley laughing). By the end, Weasley won and he danced around in victory; Remus, however, had a few dare ideas the next time he was forced to play truth or dare. Someone was going to have to swig a vial of flobberworm mucus. Hopefully James or Sirius. He wouldn't do that to Peter, unless Peter did something awful to him first.

Or maybe Cassie.

Stop, he commanded himself, putting the jar on the desk. As he did he noticed a book sitting out. "Oh, th-that's a good book," he said.

Weasley gave him a strange look. "Goosander's Guide To Fifteenth Century Protection And Defense?" he asked rather incredulously. "You read that?"

"Erm, y-yes?" Remus felt awkward again, regretting saying anything. "It was… v-very interesting."

"You—did you read it for fun?" Weasley pressed and, blushing, Remus nodded.

"Charlemagne assigned Quin a long essay about the resilio spell as punishment for using bad language in the classroom," Longbottom explained with a snicker. "So he's been trying to get through that. How long have you been reading the first chapter?"

Weasley's ears went red. "It's boring and weird and makes no sense!"

"Not for a…" O'Kelley trailed off, looking at Remus with amusement in his eyes. "How old were you when you read it, Lupin?"

He felt panicked now. "Erm, well, it—it's not—it's just—I mean, once you g-get hang of the—the style of wr-writing it isn't that… that… difficult…"

Weasley narrowed his eyes and Remus was worried he seemed too weird. Instead, Weasley asked, "Could you help me?"

"What?"

He grabbed the book, flipping it open to somewhere in the first chapter. "I've no idea what this means here. I've read and reread the passage but it's just all bollocks to me!"

"Oh don't bother him," Longbottom said sternly. "He's already helped you with one essay, he's not doing this too."

"I d-don't mind."

Remus began explaining the passage and showed him other important sections. Weasley took loads of notes and finally brought out the essay which Remus helped him with. The other two teased him mercilessly at how much he was getting done with Remus's help since apparently it had taken him two weeks to write one sentence and read three pages. Weasley called them a rude name which Remus filed away to call Sirius at the right moment, then perked up when Weasley offered him some sweets as payment. He took some gummies and retreated back to his chair, nibbling on the sweets and feeling a little more relaxed.

The three of them returned to their games which they did explain were party games, making Remus feel slightly better; he had been wondering how they survived till their fourth year if these were things they did all the time. However they didn't just focus on the games: they also talked to Remus, asking him questions and answering any ones he had. He told them that Transfiguration was his favorite class and McGonagall his favorite teacher, and when he mentioned that he thought Professor Prewett had been neat, Weasley said they were related. Weasley's brother and Prewett's sister were married, so they were in-laws (and she was indeed the sister-in-law that Weasley had angered). Weasley had a total of four brothers, which seemed a lot to Remus. O'Kelley had an older sister, while Longbottom was an only child, his father having passed away shortly after he was born.

Remus didn't really want to talk about families, so he fell silent until school was brought up again. Longbottom's favorite class was Charms, O'Kelley loved Transfiguration too, and Weasley said his favorite time of the day was meal time. Remus then got into a discussion with O'Kelley about Transfiguration, which Weasley complained about being too boring. O'Kelley flipped him off and told Remus to ignore him.

After that Remus chatted with Longbottom about the bouncing bulb plant he had. Longbottom was rather forlorn about having to give it up soon since it was getting so big ("It attacked me the other day," Weasley growled. "Smashed my fucking nose in!"). Remus pointed out there were ways to keep the bulb small, and Longbottom shrugged, saying he didn't want to do anything to change the plant's natural growth. Remus decided then that Longbottom wasn't too bad. He was still on the fence about the other two, especially Weasley.

Weasley was loud. His clothes were loud, his attitude was loud, and his voice was loud. More than once Remus flinched in pain from Weasley's shrieks and he decided if he ever spent time around them again like this he'd have to bring his earplugs. He really wished he had brought them this time, especially as midnight grew close and Weasley cranked the music up louder. They got fireworks ready to shoot out the window, and Longbottom did a big toast about old friendships and new ones, clinking his bottle of butterbeer against Remus's.

Midnight hit, and the room sounded like it exploded. Remus put his hands over his ears as the three boys screamed happily and sent firecrackers whizzing out the window. Weasley chased O'Kelley around demanding a midnight kiss, which made Remus feel extremely dizzy and strange, even if it was clearly a joke. O'Kelley finally punched Weasley right in the nose and then flung himself at Longbottom, kissing his cheek and giving Weasley a smirk. Weasley glanced at Remus and for a heart stopping, terrifying second, he was worried Weasley might try to kiss him! But instead Weasley launched himself at Longbottom and licked his other cheek. Longbottom moaned in disgust, trying to wipe his cheek off.

"You let Cath kiss you!' Weasley complained.

"If you can't tell the difference between a kiss and a lick then you're gonna have some big problems when you get a girlfriend, mate," Longbottom said, and the two began rolling around on the floor, fighting. O'Kelley told Remus that that was normal, and Remus nodded, saying that James and Sirius fought like that often.

Ten minutes later Remus was headed back to his dorm, snacks in his pockets and a bottle of butterbeer in each hand since the fourth years still had over a dozen left. Remus thanked them all profusely and they all promised it wasn't anything and they enjoyed his company.

He put the snacks and butterbeer up, wishing he had a way to keep the drinks cold since he preferred them that way, and then he put on the song Rocket Man before climbing up into a windowsill to look at the night sky.

I can't believe it's 1974, he thought as Elton sang about it being a long, long time. I'll be fourteen soon. Only two and a half months, more or less. I wonder if the others are looking at the sky. He stared up at the quarter moon and wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest. He pictured James in New York City looking at the moon, Peter in Wakefield, and Sirius in London at his parents' dinner party. Maybe he snuck off to look at the sky, which was silly to think but it comforted him to think his three best friends were doing the same thing he was doing.

He missed them terribly. It was a deep ache in his chest and being around the trio made it hurt even more, because they reminded him so much of the Marauders. It felt like part of him was missing. Even more so than when his leg had actually been missing.

He rested his chin on his arms, glad there were only a couple more days left of the holidays and soon they'd be back together.