Author's note: CW emetophobia, reference to drowning, accidental self-harm and panic attack, thinking something feels like a knife
X
The rest of the holidays went agonizingly slow. Remus felt lonely and miserable; except when he ate meals with the trio, whom he was slowly starting to feel relaxed around. But not enough to properly spend time with them; not yet. Though O'Kelley taught him a heating spell to make popcorn kernels pop. Sometimes the popcorn was burnt, but Remus slowly got better at judging it until he decided to up the challenge by flicking the kernels in the air and trying to make them pop before they landed. He got at least one out of every five by the time Thursday came around, and he proudly showed Miss Fawley the trick during their lesson.
"I'm glad you're making new friends," she said with a hesitant smile. "Just…"
"Be careful, I know," he said, fidgeting a bit because he wanted to both spend time with Fawley and also try to perfect the popcorn flip before the Marauders returned. "I'm not spending much time with them. They're definitely not like the others. Even if they act like James and Sirius sometimes."
He showed her the New Years Eve party, expecting her to bemoan the stupidity. When she didn't and he mentioned it, Fawley shrugged.
"When I was fifteen, my friends and I loved putting brooms high up in the air and trying to jump from broom to broom. We softened the floor as much as we could, but we usually ended up with a broken bone or two. When I was sixteen, my friend transfigured my arms into wings. I tried to fly. And failed." Fawley laughed. "I had to drink so much Skele-Gro I ended up throwing it up, and spent several days in the hospital wing."
Remus stared at her. "What d-did you jump off of?"
Fawley's smile faded into a stern look. "Never you mind."
"Oh, please!"
She ran her tongue over her teeth before sighing. "A third floor window."
"Did you really think you could fly?"
"I was sixteen, Remus. Yes. I did. Or at least soar a bit." She shook her head. "My point is, those New Years party games they were playing aren't surprising in the least."
"Did you ever eat raw potion ingredients?"
She shrugged. "Yes. On dares."
Remus raised his eyebrows, and Fawley changed the subject. He wondered what other stupid things she had done, and then wondered about the other adults. Did Professor McGonagall ever do anything like that?! He couldn't even imagine the stern, brilliant witch doing something ridiculously stupid, even as a teenager… but he couldn't imagine Fawley doing it either.
"You knew Professor McGonagall in school, didn't you?" She had talked about it before, he was pretty sure.
Fawley coughed politely. "If you're trying to find out anything like that about her… well, here is a piece of advice for you: I would rather try to swim with a gravity spell on me than get on Minerva's bad side by spilling secrets, if I knew any."
"You could use gillyweed," Remus pointed out. "Then swimming with a gravity spell wouldn't be too bad."
"Don't be cheeky." She smiled, though, and put her fingers against his temple. "Let's work on your Occlumency."
Remus wanted to try to extend the lesson as long as possible, but after about an hour his head was hurting too much. He got sick in a bin, and Fawley wouldn't keep going after that.
X
The Charlemagnes had been gone for most of the holiday, though they came back a couple of days early. Remus had seen Jean-Marie during meals, but didn't get a chance to say hello until Friday. Remus was in the library and Jean-Marie showed up with an armful of books, looking rather happy to greet him. He sat down and they chatted about his trip back to France. When Remus asked if he had visited family, Jean-Marie shook his head, telling Remus that 'truly' the only member of his family he cared about was his uncle.
"He is the only one who matters," Jean-Marie said. "The good one."
That made Remus wonder about Jean-Marie's parents but he didn't say anything, realizing he was, as always, poking his nose in business that wasn't his. Instead, they switched back to what Jean-Marie had done and the other boy excitedly told Remus about visiting Où L'obscurité Pleure. While the direct translation was Where The Darkness Cries, it was more commonly called the Weeping Well in English. It belonged to a French legend about a child who had been drowned by his stepmother so her children could inherit instead, and the boy still cried out from the depths to this day. Nobody had ever seen the ghost, but Jean-Marie confirmed the 'darkness' had indeed cried.
"One day, you shall visit France and I will show you the sites," Jean-Marie promised, and Remus felt a flush of warmth through him as he thought about his own parents on a romantic trip to France. That absolutely wasn't what Jean-Marie had meant but…
That night Remus had yet another nightmare. He had had one almost every night of the holiday, so it didn't surprise him. This one involved the Marauders coming back and realizing they hated Remus, so they threw him down a well and bricked him in. The inside of the well was coated with silver so he couldn't break through.
Remus woke up with a scream, banging his head on the underside of his bed. He briefly saw stars then began panicking that he was down in the well. Normally, being squeezed under the bed helped him feel better but after that nightmare he just felt trapped.
Clutching Gwyllgi, he rolled out from under the bed, taking in deep gulps of air. He stumbled to his feet and threw the window open to breathe in fresh air. As his breath rose up in front of him, he glanced up at the sky. It was mostly cloudy, but the moon was trying to peek through some of them. In three more nights it'd be the full moon again and Remus folded his arms on the windowsill, cursing the fact he'd be gone for a couple of days when school started again. Part of him was tempted to pretend to be sick when everyone came back, to help the deception… but he had been apart from the Marauders for two weeks. He wanted to claw his chest open at the thought of spending two more nights away from them just for that.
When morning came, he hadn't gotten much more sleep, however the thought of his friends returning that evening gave him too much energy to try to sleep anymore. He spent some time working on the popcorn trick for a bit, paced around a lot, chewed his nails so far down they started bleeding, and finally went down to the entrance hall with a book. He read for a while then felt awkward for being right there, so he moved to the Great Hall even though the train wasn't due for a little while longer.
During breakfast and lunch there still had been only one table, however now there were four again and the handful of students that trickled in sat at their own tables. He spotted Snape skulking over to the Slytherin table, the first time spotting him since the incident in the hallway. Either Remus had been lucky in avoiding him or else Snape had more or less locked himself up in the Slytherin dorms; probably the latter.
As the hands on the clock ticked on, Remus grew more and more nervous. He wasn't even sure why. But his stomach suddenly felt acidic and nausea crept up into his throat. He began sweating and his hands felt a little numb. A bunch of what-ifs started pouring through his head; what-ifs that didn't make any sense whatsoever.
What if they suddenly decide to hate me, or stop liking me, or don't want anything to do with me? They had been apart for longer, but it felt different this time since he had stayed behind at Hogwarts instead of going home. He knew these fears were absolutely ridiculous but they grabbed hold of him nonetheless until his entire body was itchy and tight. Finally, he stood up and left the Great Hall even though he knew the train had already come and everyone was on their way.
He went to the nearest loo and locked himself in a stall, trying to take in deep breaths. Each gulp felt like he was swallowing broken glass. Broken glass that filled his stomach and chest, piercing his organs, digging into his heart. He began scratching at his exposed wrists even though he couldn't really feel his fingers, and didn't even know there was blood until later.
They hate me, they hate me they hate metheyhatemetheyHATEME!
He slid to the ground, curling up in a ball and pressing his bloodied hands to his temples. No, stop, they don't, they don't, that makes no sense! he tried to reason.
THEY LEFT YOU BEHIND LIKE YOU'RE NOTHING!
They had holiday plans they couldn't change, that's stupid, it makes no sense!
They don't want you, nobody wants you, not even your own father wants you.
He moaned, trying to tuck chin and mouth into the neck hole of his jumper. The evil thoughts kept attacking him. Like dozens of bludgers, slamming into his brain and battering down his resolve until he began crying. He dug his nails into his cheeks and clawed, breaking open the skin and drawing out more blood. The pain felt dull and distant to him. Everything but the voices in his head felt dull and distant. There was a thudding sound coming from somewhere and he realized it was his heart, pounding hard in tune to the voices. He tried to focus on the heartbeat instead, that steady thump-thump-thump but it was hard.
Focus on something.
He opened his eyes and stared ahead. There was a stain on the bottom of the toilet basin that was shaped almost like a flower. He stared at it while listening to his heart, trying to keep his breathing even.
The flower.
Stain.
Heart.
Thump-thump-thu—
The door to the bathroom opened and Remus curled away from the stall door, holding his breath. Except he knew those shoes. Those dirty strainers with the broken shoelace he had fixed a month ago.
Peter's eyes appeared under the door. "Remus!" He straightened up and ran to the main door, opening it. "HE'S IN HERE!"
Nonononoo!
He tried to convince himself to sit up and clean the blood off so they wouldn't see him like this but his body refused to obey. His skin was tight, pressing in against him, making it too hard to move his joints.
James and Sirius's shoes appeared and Peter told them that Remus was on the floor, not using the bathroom.
"Remus?" Sirius pounded at the door. "What's wrong?"
"Alohomora," James said and Remus winced as the stall unlocked.
"Remus!" Sirius was on him in an instant, pulling him into a sitting position and Oh Merlin his touch felt like the coldest of ice and the sharpest of knives. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? You've blood everywhere!"
He wanted to make up some excuse, tell them that he had been beat up or something… but he couldn't talk. He just felt stupid and embarrassed. Pathetic. They found him curled up on the floor of a bathroom stall, crying.
"Here." James handed Sirius a damp paper towel and Sirius gently began cleaning off Remus's face.
"What happened?" Pete asked, wringing his hands.
"When you weren't in the Great Hall we asked and one of the other students said you had been in there not long ago but then left," James said, peering worryingly over Sirius's shoulder.
"Fine," he managed to wheeze out, the damp coolness from the towel helping. "I'm fine."
"You're bloody well not fine!" Sirius snapped, holding up the towel to show Remus all the blood soaked in it. "Does this look fine to you? Who did this?"
"I fell." He struggled to get up. "It's fine. Let's get to the Great Hall—"
"You did not fall," Sirius said flatly and Remus finally looked up at him.
"Didn't Snivellus stay for the holidays too?" James asked. "Did he do this?"
"Did he?" Sirius demanded.
Remus shook his head. "No. It was an accident." His skin still felt tight and parts of his body were tingling uncomfortably, like little electrical currents were running through. "I swear it." All three were staring at him and he felt so miserable for ruining their first minutes back at school. "Supper—"
"How about we have supper in our dorm?" James interrupted. "Be more fun. Sirius, you can take Remus up while Pete and I get some food."
Remus wanted to argue but the next thing he knew, Sirius was slinging his arm over his shoulder. "You're too short for this," Sirius said.
"I could take him," Peter suggested.
Sirius wrinkled his nose. "I'd rather not deal with house-elves, to be honest. I know. Here, get on my back."
"N-no, it's—I can walk—" Sirius crouched down in front of him and Peter was trying to help him get on Sirius's back. "I—I'm covered in blood!"
"Oh no," Sirius said dryly, "however will I get that out of my clothes."
Remus put his arms around Sirius's neck, and Sirius grabbed his ankles as he stood up. His entire front felt like it was on fire but not in the uncomfortable-like-that sort of way his body got whenever he and Sirius made physical contact, but instead in a please-let-me-die sort of way because his body was in agony.
They left the bathroom and James and Peter went one way to go to the kitchens while Sirius carried Remus the other direction.
"You can't carry me the whole way," Remus said as they approached a flight of stairs.
"I'm getting sick of people telling me what I can or can't do," Sirius replied. "I dealt with it all holiday. Don't start too."
"I'm sorry."
"For what you said or me having a shite holiday?"
Remus closed his eyes. "For being like this."
Sirius sighed. "Don't make me chuck you over a banister."
"I panicked."
"Eh?"
He pressed his lips thin, shivering a bit. "I began to panic. That's why I was in there. I… I scratched myself. That's why there was blood."
Sirius didn't say anything for what felt like an eternity. Then, "Damn. That means there isn't someone I can hex over this." He shifted Remus's weight a little as they went up the first flight of stairs. Remus tried not to clutch too hard, feeling dizzy from being on Sirius's back while they went up. "You, uh… I mean… what did… did…?"
"Nothing happened, if that's what you're trying to ask. And I think I can walk." It didn't feel like he had feet yet but he'd try. Unfortunately Sirius didn't put him down and just kept going.
"You panicked over nothing?"
"I don't know. I—I suppose." He did not want to admit he panicked over the idea that his friends hated him out of nowhere. "Stupid."
"Not stupid." Sirius paused and then set Remus down so he could open up a secret passage. "Let's take these steps, they aren't as steep."
"I can walk," Remus argued, stumbling forward. Sirius slipped an arm around him and this time it wasn't as awkward. "And it is stupid."
"You can't help the way you feel sometimes," Sirius said rather distantly as they made their way up the shallow staircase. It might have been longer but it was much easier to walk up. "Do you still feel panicked?"
The jumbled knot in his chest was still squirmy and awful, but Remus just shrugged. "Not as…"
"Do you need to see Pomfrey?"
"No, I'd rather—rather spend time with you guys. I've missed you."
Sirius smiled. "Missed you too, idiot." He reached out to ruffle Remus's hair and then they continued. When they reached the seventh floor, Sirius gave him another piggyback ride to the portrait and helped him through. In the dorm, Sirius paused to look at all the Christmas decorations still up. Remus felt bad for not taking them down. He hadn't even thought of it. However Sirius just grinned and asked, "You liked them?"
"Very much, thank you. I s-suppose I should take them down before Spinnet gets here."
Sirius shrugged, sitting on Remus's bed. "Nah. We're going to have our Marauder Christmas celebration anyway, right? Might as well leave them up for that."
Because they had taken a long, slow, roundabout way to get to the dorms, it didn't take much longer for James and Peter to show up with a basket of food and puddings. Remus drew his feet up onto his bed, feeling unbearable as they all crowded around him. Hugs were given after Remus said he felt better, and he tried not to stiffen with each touch. He promised them multiple times he was already feeling better, and ignored the dirty looks when he tried apologizing again. After a moment, thankfully, James had an announcement which shifted the attention from him.
"Okay before we start anything, Sirius needs to open a present." James beamed as he dove for his bag, rummaging around until he pulled an album-shaped gift out. "Here you go!" He shoved it into Sirius's hands, practically bouncing. "It's Muggle."
"Just jumping right in, eh?" Sirius asked as he tugged at a corner, looking a little embarrassed.
"Open it!"
Sirius ripped it open revealing an album called Merry Xmas Everybody/Don't Blame Me; it was by Slade, the same artist who did Cum On Feel The Noize which was one of Sirius's favorite Muggle songs.
"Ooh, I heard that song on the radio!" Peter exclaimed. "It's really good."
Sirius scrambled over to James's record player and put it on.
Are you hanging up your stockings on your wall? It's the time when every Santa has a ball. Does he ride a red nosed reindeer? Does a ton-up on his sleigh? Do the faeries keep him sober for a day? So here it is, Merry Christmas everybody's having fun! Look to the future now, it's only just begun!
It was quite a rock'n'roll Christmas song that had the other Marauders dancing while Remus watched in amusement, too tired and too miserable to get up to join them. He wished he felt better, felt more spirited… was a better friend… He shook his head as the panic began bubbling up again, doing his best to push it back down. He didn't want to start again; didn't want to ruin the moment for the others. He had to keep his senses, even though it felt nearly impossible to do so. He clenched his teeth so hard they began to ache. He was going to be merry and bright even if it hurt him.
The song ended and Sirius played it again, setting the player up so it would keep repeating the song. James spread the basket of food out across Remus's bed and everyone began eating while they talked about their holidays. Well, mostly James talked about his time in New York. Sirius complained about his family while Peter was happy his grandfather hadn't made him do anything too crazy. Then they all looked at Remus, wondering how his holiday went. He shrugged, saying he spent most of it reading or studying, though Miss Fawley had come for Christmas to visit.
"I'm glad you weren't alone on Christmas," James said, munching on a pudding, the proper food forgotten on his plate. "Was a bit worried."
"No, it was fine," Remus promised, poking a bit of meat with his fork. "I was lonely, though some of the older students sat with me during meals." Suddenly he felt awkward, like he didn't want to talk about the fourth years. It almost felt like a betrayal, which was stupid. As stupid as all the other feelings going on inside of him.
After the food came the presents and, as always, James had far too many to dump on his friends. Remus took his, trying not to feel weird about it. He knew James loved giving gifts and it made him happy.
This time around they all began ripping into their gifts at the same time. Paper went flying and there were lots of exclamations and hugs. For Sirius, Remus gave him a set of little figurines that you painted and then when they were done the figurines would 'come to life'. There was a griffin, a dragon, a unicorn, and a hippogriff in that set. For Peter there was a photo frame that you could put up to four different photos in and it would switch them out every twenty-four hours.
But for James was the worst present, which Remus regretted immediately. He had read about it in a magazine and thought it sounded perfect for James, and Miss Fawley had found it: it was a set of 'stickers' with his name printed on them. You could stick it to almost anything and it would form into whatever it was stuck to. So if he stuck it to his cauldron his cauldron would almost look engraved. To his satchel, it would look embroidered. You removed it with the counter spell and could reuse them a couple of times.
James stuck one on his shirt immediately and then stuck one on Remus's forehead. Remus dashed to the mirror to see JAMES POTTER tattooed on his forehead.
"Take it off!" Remus poked at it. "What is the counter-spell?"
"Dunno." James stuck one on Peter's chin and then another on Sirius's cheek.
"Aw, come on," Peter whined.
"Hey, I look good with a tattoo," Sirius said, preening in the mirror behind Remus.
James tucked the little book that had the counter-spell in it in his pocket. "I'll take them off tonight, I promise. For now you all belong to me."
Remus grouchily rubbed more at the JAMES POTTER, wishing he had gotten his idiotic friend something else instead.
Sirius suddenly seized him around the waist and picked him up, spinning him around. The touch was agony and Remus resisted the urge to scream. "Come on then, you haven't opened my present yet!"
Remus had already opened some of the gifts. Mostly sweets so far, but from James and Peter both there were books: from Peter one on runes that Remus had been eyeing in the shop, and from James a really thick tome on the history of magic in New York City.
As it turned out, the present Sirius was excited for Remus to open was another book: this one was about spell comparisons across the world. For instance, the first chapter talked about the various spells to make fire and the etymology of the spells in all the different languages, and comparing them, and it was just so interesting! Remus beamed, thanking Sirius who told him he figured Remus would like it because of some of the stuff he talked about in Magical Theory.
There were, of course, more gifts and the next one he opened was another book. A fictional story James got about a sibling duo who were orphaned as young teens and needed to try to survive while living in the Muggle part of New York.
"The bookshop I got that from was really weird," James had explained when Remus opened it. "The witch running the shop seemed really amused that I was there and kept saying she was glad to see people like me at 'such a young age'. Dunno what she meant, probably not many kids reading so much maybe? I dunno. But there was this really neat magazine I wanted to get. It showed two witches kissing each other."
Remus jerked at that while Sirius and Peter both looked interested.
"I tried to get it but she said I was too young for that," James complained. "Wouldn't let me buy it."
Two girls… kissing? On a magazine? Remus wondered if America was more open about that sort of thing than England was. He couldn't ask, of course. He also wanted to ask about why it was neat to see two witches kissing. Was James okay with that sort of thing? Sirius and Peter didn't seem disgusted either, they had looked at James with excited expressions.
"Did you want it be-because of that?" Remus stammered out, far too curious and taking too much of a risk. He just had to know what James meant by neat!
James frowned. "Oh, no, there was apparently a big article about Emmaline Crowley in it and I wanted to read it."
"Who…?"
"Emmaline Crowley," James repeated as if that would help. "She used to be on the English national Quidditch team but she got kicked out a few years ago and is banned from playing. Nobody's ever said what she did, so I was hoping that one might say. The clerk wouldn't even let me open it to peek. She was really good, too. Really talented. She must've done something really bad to get banned when she could guard the hoops like she did!"
Remus nodded, not caring about that part of it. James had thought it was neat for the article. Still, there was something nagging the back of his head and he couldn't figure it out. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
Most of the rest of his presents were simple things: sweets, a new quill, stationary, a bottle of ink that if you knocked it over the ink didn't spill out; the only way to get ink out was to dip your quill in. James decided to prove this by opening the bottle and tipping it all the way upside down. Ink poured out, splashing across the floor and his slippers. James darkened a bit, looking chagrined, apologizing to Remus for ruining the present and promising to buy him another one in Hogsmeade.
The last present he opened turned out to be a stuffed dragon from Sirius.
"Ooh, right," Sirius said cheerfully, taking the dragon and holding it up. "I don't know if this will help, but it's for when you're in Hogsmeade. For the full moon? This is actually a toy used by dragon-handlers, for baby dragons. It's supposed to be rip proof, tested on a Hungarian Horntail baby! Fireproof too, but that's not as important for you. I thought maybe…" He trailed off, rubbing the back of his head. "I dunno, maybe if you had something else to… to mess around with you might not… you know… as much… with yourself… I don't know."
"No, it's great," Remus said, taking the dragon back and clutching it. It was soft and squishy, and he wondered if it would hold up to his claws and teeth. If a baby dragon couldn't rip it apart, maybe it would stay stitched together for him. "Thank you. I love it." He dug his own stubby nails into it, wondering if it was embarrassing to be so happy about a stuffed animal at his age. He wanted to show more gratitude but also felt kinda weird; not in a bad way. It was just one of those things he didn't really know how to deal with and was worried his reaction had let Sirius down, even though he seemed fine.
Remus was saved from figuring out whether to say anything more by James grabbing the edge of Sirius's trousers and yanking it down so he could smack a JAMES POTTER onto Sirius's bum. Sirius shrieked out a few cuss words that could have rivaled Weasley, and the two began rolling back and forth, Sirius furious, James laughing.
Finally, they were down to the very last present which was from James to Sirius. James looked very eager as he handed Sirius the small box. Sirius ripped it open and pulled out a little hand mirror. He lifted it up, peering at his reflection.
"Thanks!" he said, managing to mask the confusion in his voice fairly well.
"Hold on," James said. "I forgot the rest of it. I put it in the loo. Hold on. Just keep looking at yourself." He ran out of the room.
Sirius looked at Peter and Remus, shrugged, and then back at the mirror. "What in Merlin's name is he up to?" he asked and the others shrugged as well. "Nice mirror, tho—yaAAACK!" Sirius jumped, almost dropping the mirror.
"Hey!" James's voice floated out of the mirror. Peter and Remus scrambled over, looking over Sirius's shoulder to see James's face in the mirror. "Surprise! It's a two-way mirror! I found it in New York! Isn't it brilliant?! Now we can talk to each other when one of us has detention or something, or during the holidays. The wizard who made these said they could reach each other from nearly one side of the USA to the other, so I know it'll work fine in England!"
"Whoaaaa," Pete breathed out. "That is amazing! Holy hippogriffs!"
"Who made them? How does it work?" Remus asked, itching to take the mirror and try to figure it out. He had never heard of a spell like this before. Surely it was a difficult thing to do, otherwise they would be all over the place. Contacting someone else this easily? It was like a Muggle telephone. Did it really work over such great distances? What went into the spell?
Sirius just gaped at the mirror as James's face disappeared and his own framed by Peter and Remus's reappeared. Then James came back into the room, a matching mirror in his hand. Sirius lowered it, staring up at James.
"I thought it'd be great," James said, pleased with himself. "Especially during the holidays for you, when you're trying not to go as absolutely insane as the rest of your family."
"Wh—no, yes, of—of course," Sirius stammered out, standing up and pulling James in for a tight hug. "It is brilliant, it's bloody brilliant!"
"You sound a little upset," James noted.
Sirius shook his head and turned away from them. "Of course I'm upset, I'll have to see your ugly face when I thought I'd be away from it!" he laughed but there was something wrong with the laugh. That's when Remus realized Sirius was trying not to cry. He lifted his hand to, Remus assumed, wipe the tears away then he spun around, turning the movement into him raking his hair from his face. No sign of tears, except a very slight glistening in the corner of his left eye. He was grinning again. "Are you mental, though? Why would I be upset? This is more than incredible! We can chat whenever we want. I wonder if we could use to to cheat on an exam—"
"No," Remus snapped.
"Only joking," Sirius promised even though he clearly wasn't. "Tomorrow we should see how far across Hogwarts it reaches."
"Oooh, you should see if it reaches into Hogsmeade!" Peter said.
"Pete, if it reaches across America it probably reaches Hogsmeade," James said, and Peter made a face. "But we should still sneak in."
That's when Sirius suddenly whirled on Remus. "Maybe you could take it with you to—"
"No," Remus said again, holding up his hands. "No. I'd only be able to use it right before everything happens, and most likely I'd break it. It wouldn't do anything to help."
James was already nodding. "I did ask about that. Not, you know anything about your furry little problem. About how breakable it is. The wizard said he can't really put spells on them to make them hard to break because of the communication spells already on them. Says it disrupts them or something. Sorry."
"No, it's fine, even if I did take it as I said… I don't think it would help at all," Remus promised. "Not like I can talk much with a snout anyway."
"I wonder what it's like to have a snout," Peter said.
"Don't look at me," Remus replied since all of them were, in fact, looking at him. "I have no memory of it."
"I could try giving you a snout," James offered, pulling out his wand.
Peter rapidly backed away, hands flailing in front of him. "Oh no! I'm fine not having one, actually. It was only a… a… umm… not real question anyway."
"Rhetorical," Remus supplied.
Pete nodded. "Yeah, that."
"We'll probably find out eventually anyway," James said with a sagely nod.
"What do you mean?" Remus asked.
James began twirling his wand between his fingers. "Won't we? In Transfiguration? Do we learn human transfiguration in that class eventually? I hope so, I want to give Evans a cow's snout, to match—"
"James," Remus sighed.
He smiled. "What? Anyway, Happy Christmas, lads! Thank you again for all the gifts, I've loved everything."
That got Sirius and Peter to start thanking everyone again, and more hugs were given. Remus forced himself to give hugs before he began carefully putting all his new things away while James chased Peter around, begging him to have JAMES POTTER stuck on his bum. Shortly after, David and Spinnet came in and of course Spinnet put up a fuss about all the decorations. Sirius called him a stick-in-the-mud, Spinnet called Sirius something worse, and they probably would have started fighting if Remus didn't start taking them down himself.
"We were going to anyway," Peter pointed out.
"Shaddup, Pete," Sirius growled.
The Marauders took all the lovely Christmas decorations down and Remus cleaned up all the torn paper, since he knew none of the others would. After, he did want to go to bed a bit early however the others wanted to stay up and play games. Remus made himself stay up till midnight to play cards with them before dragging himself into bed, too exhausted to stay awake any longer. His strange sleeping patterns over the holiday was definitely getting to him.
He curled up behind his curtains and drifted to sleep listening to James, Sirius, and Peter whispering happily behind James's bed curtains; he was happy, too, even with all the panic earlier. They were back together. All was right in the world.