Chapter Two: Solace
Four Days Ago
When Lilia rushed down the stairs, she'd been overjoyed to see Zenith slumped on Talhand's back. She greeted them with a rare, vibrant enthusiasm. But when she scanned the party for the presence of her Lord -assuming he'd be just as jubilant- she did not find him in the crowd. Rudeus stood at the back behind the older, more seasoned adventurers, and would not meet her eye.
Geese spoke first, bluntly telling her what happened. Elinalise clarified, softening his words as best she could, but she suffered from being very direct herself. She did little more than reiterate the same terrible point.
Lilia stared blankly at Zenith and Rudeus as the words washed over her. Vierra and Shierra broke down on either side of her, the latter falling to her knees and bawling on the floor. For so long, her Lord had protected all of them; restored some safety and stability in their lives they might've thought they'd lost forever. Lilia's gaze drifted to Roxy, but the mage hid under her hat, unable to meet her eye. The others were stone-faced, betraying their pain but still hiding it beneath grim resolve.
Lilia returned her attention to Rudeus, setting aside the same pain starting to well within her, if only for a moment. Zenith was still unconscious on Talhand's back, so the only attention she could offer was for the one left standing and likely doing far worse than herself -at least at that moment. Lilia reached to either side of him, wrapping one arm around his neck and placing the other behind his head to pull him closer to her. He was immobile, simply moved along by her when she embraced the young master.
"You must be tired," Lilia told him. "Please take your rest and let me see to things."
She faintly felt his head sink towards the crook of her shoulder for a moment. A small affection, but just enough to renew in her some small hope. Rudeus complied with her instruction, once she managed to relax her grip and let him go to their shared quarters… which she suspected they wouldn't be sharing that night, given all that had happened and all that he still had to process.
As though he alone would have to suffer it…
When he walked towards the stairs, Lilia glanced back and saw bloody red on the left side of his robes, and no fingers poking out from his sleeve… a terrible wound to be dressed and attended to, and one that only made the cold slings of despair already creeping up in her move that much faster.
But he did as she bid. For the moment, it fell to her to be the strong, load-bearing support, just as she had been for his father. Lilia turned her attention to Zenith -unmoving and naked but for a thin cloak- and helped her be moved from Talhand's back.
There were tasks she had to see to. Grief would wait until her lady and her young master were seen to. What she could do would always take precedence over what she couldn't.
Roxy looked down at her coin purse, her grimace increasing with each missing coin. "The repair bill for the inn cost more than I'd like." She sighed before pouting and turning her attention to the companion at her left. "We didn't gather much intelligence either… Elinalise, this is all your fault."
"I couldn't help it," Elinalise whimsically replied. "I was gathering intelligence in an alley when I received a passionate invitation."
Roxy already knew she was shameless and there was little reason to scold her, but couldn't help herself. "You still didn't have to… I mean, there were five of them!"
Elinalise smiled. "You'll understand one day, Roxy. I -a strong, beautiful adventurer- helpless in those hoodlum's hands… I feel as though I could conceive a child just thinking about it!"
"I didn't need to hear that…" Roxy lamented.
"Well, I suppose you need to start by finding your first," Elinalise mused. "Why not join me next-"
"Out of the question," Roxy haughtily interjected, pointing her head up and avoiding Elinalise's gaze. After a brief interruption from Talhand at the front of their mount, Roxy took a moment to think on how she'd counter the elf's offer.
She did have an idea for how her first might be… one she'd given plenty of thought to. Roxy still wouldn't meet Elinalise's gaze, but gained some confidence as she played out a familiar story. "One day, a tall, slim man who's manly -but still makes childish expressions- will save me by chance in the depths of a labyrinth. Then we'll team up, and as we work together, love will bloom between us. By the time we escape the labyrinth…"
Elinalise chuckled. "You're such a child."
Roxy's face was already flushed from recounting her fantasy, but now she was turning far redder. Evidently Elinalise wasn't the one to confide her romantic thoughts in…
Roxy cleared her throat and composed herself. "Anyway… let's hurry up and get to the next town."
Elinalise shrugged. "You're the boss."
Well, that was an indulgence from Elinalise Roxy could put up with. Despite being every bit as powerful and even more experienced, Elinalise deferred to her. Perhaps because she had seen Paul's family more recently, or maybe because Elinalise was simply fond of Roxy and willing to let her have her way.
Or maybe she just enjoyed having the opportunity to tease someone so easily flustered, unlike the stoic and unfettered Talhand. That might've been reason enough for Elinalise to enjoy her company.
And Roxy had hoped they might be able to discuss romance together without some of the more… unsavory aspects, but Elinalise couldn't seem to help herself. Still, there were worse people she could be traveling with.
When he emerged from his room -cleaner and with less of an aimless stagger- Lilia knew he'd join her in the women's quarters. She had returned again to Zenith's side, playing to her role as her lady's keeper. Though still trying to process her own unfamiliar, uncomfortable feelings she knew some relief in the young master coming once again to check on his mother.
"She's spent four days sleeping," Lilia explained. Unnecessary for someone as smart as Rudeus, but her hope was that it might soften the blow when she gently pointed out: "Perhaps she'll never wake."
It was a harsh fact, but a necessary one. She needed him to measure his expectations. For as harsh as the world had been to him and his family, tragedies could always compound further.
But mere moments after she said it -with both Rudeus and herself still seated at her bedside- Zenith began to stir. Lilia heard a faint, torporous grumble in the woman's throat before she found her breath and her eyes drifted open.
Lilia's own eyes widened and her mouth briefly hung agape. "My Lady!" she proclaimed, reaching down to her bedside. She couldn't contain her elation in greeting her. "Good morning, my Lady!"
Lilia reached behind Zenith's back to support her, moving her to a seated position. Rudeus leaned forward in his chair, his previously neutral expression softening as he focused his attention on her. "Mom…"
Zenith, however, quizzically inclined her head at her son, making a sort of confused whine in response. Lilia hoped it was merely some side effect of her long sleep or her imprisonment, quickly clarifying: "My Lady, it's Master Rudeus." She again tried to clarify, speaking slowly for the impact of what followed. "Nearly ten years have passed since you last saw him."
Zenith blinked at Lilia, still confused, before turning her gaze back to her son. It seemed as though she tried to speak to him, but only confused wheezes left her lips.
Lilia was aghast as she tried to process what she saw. "Could it be… my Lady?!"
She heard the young Master behind her utter a long gasp of his own. Realization had hit him too.
A curse, or a condition… something that left Zenith unable to recognize her son… or her friend. Lilia did her utmost to regain herself, to keep it together in front of the young Master…
To no avail. She tried to stifle the sound but had no doubt Rudeus heard her when she began to sob; when her breathing kicked up and that familiar cold struck at her chest.
All that they had done, all that they had sacrificed -and lost. For this…?
Rudeus stood up from his chair. He leaned closer to his mother and Zenith slunk back ever so slightly; confused, possibly even frightened. Lilia tried to greet her, but the clumsy surging forward of an unfamiliar, one-handed man set off all sorts of primal triggers.
Seeing his mother recoil struck him only further. Rudeus drew back, and out of the corner of her eye Lilia saw him lower his head, returning to the same familiar pit he'd just managed to dredge himself from…
Lilia didn't want to remove her eyes from Zenith. Whatever comfort and familiarity Zenith found in the room would be lost if she moved to help or comfort Rudeus now.
She heard him push the chair back beside the bed and step around it. When Lilia finally turned her head from Zenith she only caught Rudeus' back as he stepped out from the room.
I don't want to die.
Roxy frantically closed her eyes, as though being unable to see the oncoming attack would somehow prevent the damage from hitting her. She tried desperately to convince herself she would escape, despite being unarmed and too exhausted -and too frightened- to move.
Someone, save me!
Her eyes remained tightly clenched shut. She tried to hear something other than her thundering heart.
She drew a breath of… cold air?
Roxy opened her eyes, perplexed. The labyrinth had been oppressively muggy with all the monsters being repeatedly summoned in, and only exacerbated by her use of a fire spell. Why was it so cold she could see her own breath?
Why was the centipede in front of her encased in ice?
Roxy glanced around the chaotic remnants of the battlefield. Dozens of monsters were trapped within some powerful ice spell, something to ensnare them all in such a large space. Emperor-level magic, possibly…
One of the beast's skulls broke off from its body, and lay where it fell. The sound drew Roxy's attention, as a young man stepped past it, carrying a tall magic staff in his right hand.
"Thank goodness," he breathed with a fond smile.
Blonde hair, green eyes… confident and mature, but still quite young with a very charming, boyish manner. Roxy couldn't help the blush that reached her cheeks. The magical power he'd been able to wield only made him more appealing.
Roxy wasn't sure what she could say to her savior. She could thank him, of course, but-
She didn't get the chance to dwell on it. He grasped her in a tight hug; hitting with such enthusiasm he knocked her hat right off her head. Roxy's eyes widened and her mouth hung open as she tried to process it all. …huh, what?
She could hear him breathing over her left shoulder. Roxy worried he'd take in all manner of unpleasant scents after her long stay in this labyrinth and the many battles that only further exacerbated things…
Roxy reluctantly pushed him away, freeing herself from his grip. The blonde-haired man seemed stunned; perplexed why she'd been so suddenly forceful. "Huh?"
"I'm sorry," Roxy immediately acknowledged, before murmuring: "Because of the smell."
The blonde man lifted his left arm, checking underneath. "D-do I smell bad…?"
"No!" Roxy immediately replied. "I do. I've been down here for a whole whole month."
The young man smiled, gently closing his eyes once again. "I don't mind."
"Well, I do," Roxy immediately protested, before realizing she may have overstepped, or worse, appeared ungrateful for his help. "No, I mean… thank you so much for rescuing me."
"I just did what anyone would do," the young man assured her.
Roxy lowered his gaze away from his for a scant few moments. She couldn't help but smile at his humble reply; it was exactly what she'd hoped to hear. Cool and confident as he'd been, he was still generous and kind. When she again met his gaze, Roxy cleared her throat and tried to properly renew the conversation. "It's nice to meet you; my name is Roxy Migurdia. Would you mind telling me yours'?"
The young man's eyes widened. "Nice to meet you…?"
Roxy blinked. He seemed so bothered; had she somehow managed to forget someone so kind and charming? "Huh? Oh, have we met somewhere before? I, um, can't recall…"
The young man dropped his staff to the ground. "You don't… remember me…?" He clenched both hands over his face, looking very ill. "You don't re-" He couldn't finish his thought, turning his face away from her and … started upchucking onto the frozen ground.
Roxy clasped a hand over her mouth in shock. Not only had she been unable to remember meeting this young man -wherever or whenever that was- but the terrible stink had finally overwhelmed him and made him sick. "I'm sorry!" Roxy immediately called, trying to be heard over the horrible noises he made as he worked something out from his system.
After many long and awkward seconds, the young man wiped his mouth with his sleeve, before reaching up to cover his eyes. Roxy heard a faint sniffling and saw him tremble ever so slightly. "Master… you forgot about me?"
'Master?'
Roxy looked at his blonde hair, and how a single lock pointed up in a prominent ahoge. His eyes were obscured by the sleeve of his robe, but she recalled the green of his eyes, albeit a different shade than she'd seen before. His blonde hair was in a ponytail, which had thrown her off from the last time she saw him. Now, it seemed, he had taken much more after his father.
"Rudy…?" Roxy finally realized.
The instant she spoke the two syllables, she thought of replacing them with his full name; in case she was being overly familiar. She wasn't sure how to refer to him now, after more than ten years apart. They'd corresponded and kept in touch, but she hadn't thought about just how much he'd grow up. She hadn't quite realized that in that stretch of time the boy would become the man.
He lowered his sleeve and she saw his eyes again. Roxy focused on the mole below his left and took in the features of his face again.
It was really him…
Roxy was already exhausted and struggling to stand. But it was only after that realization hit her that she felt weak at the knees.
Rudy was back in his room. Roxy had felt encouraged when she learned Lilia had convinced him to eat and bathe, but he'd returned to his painful isolation so quickly, Roxy wasn't sure that had changed anything at all.
To be fair, he wasn't the only one demoralized after Zenith woke. Lilia's seemingly eternal calm had fractured, and she would constantly excuse herself from the women's quarters to compose herself out of sight of her Lady. The Fangs of the Black Wolf had been hardened by loss many times already, but the realization their efforts had only saved some fragmentary shell of Zenith had left them in a similar state.
Roxy found herself unsure on what she should do. She had no spells or knowledge that would help Zenith recover from whatever her ailment was. She had no reassurance to offer Rudy or the others: Paul would still be dead and Zenith would still be in her state. She'd honored her promise to find the missing family, but the victory rang rather hollow.
She wanted to do something for them but struggled with what she could hope to offer. Not for the first time, Roxy turned her attention to Lilia, whose maturity and professionalism had frequently anchored Paul when his despair manifested in the same long, brooding sessions Rudy found himself in now.
Out in the hall, Lilia was allowing herself a rare moment of emotion. Out of sight of Rudy or Zenith… Roxy imagined it was the only place Lilia would ever let herself cry; however discreetly, however silently.
"She's still the same?" Roxy inquired, before cursing herself for being unable to do anything more than state the obvious.
Lilia didn't take long to compose herself, adjusting her uniform and her spectacles before addressing Roxy, looking stoic and disaffected once again. "My Lady is still afflicted, yes. She does not recognize us and cannot communicate in our tongue. She seems… she is still intelligent, and still tries to form statements, but she is confused and frightened."
Roxy nodded along, but once again found herself unable to comment. What was there to say, really?
I don't want to die.
Roxy reached over to embrace Lilia, trying -as best she could when embracing a taller woman- to match the same joy Lilia had shown upon Roxy's rescue. She had something to offer, platitude though it may have been.
"It's a miracle Zenith was even alive after all that time trapped in the labyrinth," Roxy assured Lilia. Surely, if anyone would know, it'd be Roxy.
Lilia returned the hug, but with a stiff formality to it: a single arm, then a detachment and a draw away. "Of course. We should be grateful."
Roxy tried not to begrudge Lilia's aloof reply; she quickly changed the subject to dwell on the positive. "Is Rudy doing any better since you saw him last?"
Again, Lilia seemed cold: not uncharacteristic from her, but not the response Roxy had hoped for. Roxy had hoped to credit Lilia with taking care of Rudy when he was vulnerable, but she'd abruptly brushed it off. "Yes. Master Rudeus is still healthy… just understandably upset."
Understandably…
"You've done a lot for him, Lilia," Roxy again attempted to reassure. "I'm sure he's very grateful you're here."
None of her compliments had yet to penetrate Lilia's cold focus, and this one was no different. "That is kind of you to say; thank you."
It was almost unnerving… how Lilia had gone from such painful tears for her friend to putting up an unshakeable front. Roxy had seen her emotions when Lilia was happy to be reunited, but apparently no longer privy when Lilia was dealing with her own distress.
Roxy and Lilia had lived together for two years, and traveled together in Paul's band for another on top of that. She supposed they were close - to the extent Lilia was close with anyone. Maybe she shouldn't try to dig any deeper if there was nothing more to find.
Though she did have one more selfish motivation to consider…
"Do you think Rudy will come out today?" Roxy wondered.
Lilia was quiet for a long time before asking: "Would you like to speak to him? I can ask him to make time for you, if he is able."
"No, no, that's alright," Roxy replied, just a little too fast. "I… I do want to talk to him, but I can wait until he's ready."
They both knew it was a half-truth. Neither called her out on it. "I will tell Master Rudeus that you asked for him. I'll leave it to his judgment."
An elegant solution that put no pressure on him, nor made Roxy's intentions clear. Roxy smiled. "Thank you, Lilia."
"We could have Geese drag him to a brothel if he decides to stay cooped up in there," Elinalise suggested.
Roxy wasn't anywhere near inebriated enough to entertain Elinalise's suggestions. She requested something stronger from the barkeep. "Not sure about that…" Geese wryly replied. "You think Boss will cheer up because of some girl he doesn't know?"
Elinalise read Roxy's displeasure right away, giving the idea at least a little more thought and coming up with an alternative. "Alright. What he needs is to lean on someone he trusts…"
"So… Lilia?" Geese posited. Elinalise glared at him.
Roxy was only half-listening to their debate. They'd both talked her out of going by his room, so maybe they'd both figured she wouldn't be willing to… lean on him.
It was a difficult thing to imagine. She'd hoped that after they'd escaped the labyrinth, she and Rudy might spent some time catching up, getting to know each other better… not jump right into bed a few nights after his father passed.
"I'd have done it myself," Elinalise admitted, "If it weren't for Sylphie. If he hadn't married my granddaughter…"
If he hadn't…
Married?
Roxy turned away from the tankard of strong stuff and focused her attention on Elinalise. The elf realized what she'd just said… and what she hadn't said to Roxy before.
"Elinalise…" Roxy fumed.
"Right," Elinalise acknowledged. "Geese, give us a moment?"
Geese was already out of his chair and heading for the door. "As long as you need-!"
Elinalise moved to sit beside Roxy, preparing herself for a long talk.
Rudeus looked over the laundry Lilia had left neatly piled on an unoccupied bed. It took him a moment to rummage through his options; he stumbled trying to open his shirt when he pressed a bloody bandage against the fabric.
He had to overcome his own muscle memory there… he had to get used to his handicap, at least until he could return to the academy and consult with his friends. He was entirely confident there was a magical solution, but for the moment-
For the moment, Paul was still dead and Zenith was still…
Rudeus set his shirt back down, strewn over the otherwise neatly folded pile. He returned to his bed and reached up with his knees, pressing both to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. For that, at least, he only needed one hand to lock in place.
For a brief moment, he'd come out of this state. Then he'd seen his mother, then he'd tried to find some semblance of normalcy, and he was right back where he started.
Few appreciated how hard it was to leave a room like himself.
Roxy didn't know Geese well, but he had the trust of Talhand and Elinalise, so that made him at least slightly more approachable. With Lilia's attention on taking care of Zenith, Geese had taken up residence in the kitchen and managed their remaining supplies. He was -by all accounts- a great cook and the others seemed happy to have him there.
Still, it was a touch of unfamiliarity Roxy didn't care for. She understood why Lilia was looking after Zenith -save the occasional break to Rudy's quarters- but she missed the familiar face over the hearth or at the countertop. Maybe she missed the things that reminded her of Buena…
But the food was good. She wondered if Rudy knew; he'd missed so many meals. When she went to prepare a bowl for him, Geese raised an eyebrow. "I've never seen you go for seconds, Roxy."
"It's for Rudy," Roxy explained. "This was really good and I think he'd like it."
Geese blinked at her. "You know, Roxy, he'll come out when he's ready."
The words sounded almost… practiced. Roxy sighed. "Did Elinalise talk to you?"
"She didn't have to," Geese assured her. "Though she does talk about you all the time, you know."
It was a nice sentiment, but Roxy would not allow herself to be distracted by flattery. She tried matching it with some of her own. "Don't you think he'd like your wonderful food?"
Geese was unmoved. "Oh, he does. I fed him and the other members of Dead End back in the day."
Back in the day… the adventures he had with Rudy in the intervening years when he was still a child; but not quite so young as Roxy remembered…
"Still," Roxy protested with a pout, hoping to wear down Geese's practiced defense. Geese gently placed a hand on the bowl and extracted it from her hand.
"Boss will be fine," Geese assured her. "We'd all feel better if he just came out and said a few words, but what do you expect him to say? You think he'll feel any better trying to talk about his parents because other people are waiting on him to do it? He's got to sort through all the things he's feeling himself."
Roxy sighed. Once again, the experienced adventurers had seen right through her and politely knocked her down. "Fine."
"Hey, don't worry so much about him, alright?" Geese requested. "Lilia made sure he ate something; she'll take care of him. It's what she's good at."
Of course, Lilia had seen to him. Elinalise made the same point.
"I get it," Roxy admitted defeat. "Just make sure you save some of that for him, okay? It was really good."
"Of course," Geese assured her. "If it's still good and he's hungry I'll make sure he gets it."
Roxy took some solace in hearing it, even if she was still pouting over yet another lost battle. It was just… so frustrating wanting to help him and finding herself getting nowhere. In the glimpses she saw of him -passing his room in the hall- he had seemed increasingly gaunt, with the life drained from his eyes. She didn't pretend to understand his grief, but she still felt she could do more for him that pine away from the other side of a cracked door.
Elinalise had at one time -in her crude, whimsical manner- noted a surefire cure for a man's depression. Roxy had scolded her at the time, but she had to admit there was some logic to the elf's theory.
After all, Roxy saw it firsthand.
Roxy knew it was unseemly, but she couldn't help but listen in. Even a full decade later, she still indulged in this habit.
Paul sent his two daughters to go stay with Rudy, who'd taken up a special student post at Ranoa Academy. The very night they were away and his quarters -which had four full beds- were occupied by only himself and Lilia…
Roxy did not pry to the details. She only knew that some set of circumstances had led to Paul marrying Lilia after she left them in Buena Village. It wasn't too unusual on the Demon Continent for multiple spouses of either gender to live in the same household, but Roxy did admit seeing Paul and Zenith as a monogamous couple -according to Zenith's faith- had a reassuring familiarity to it, similar to her own parents.
And well, Roxy knew they'd been… very happily married; she heard them almost every night. More than once she'd been… inspired.
Lilia had occupied much the same space, but she seemed much more subdued than Zenith. At least, she started that way and only after some formalities she'd suddenly get much louder; much more passionate. Roxy had some inkling what both of them looked like without their usual dress and could easily put some images to the sounds on the other side of the wall.
Once Norn and Aisha were away, Paul indulged himself. Lilia -whatever her reasons- certainly seemed willing to indulge him. Roxy heard it all pretty clearly, and more than once found inspiration yet again.
She understood he was hurting. She knew the mornings after he would be focused and -barring his very worst days- driven to try and rescue Zenith and dive deeper into the depths of the labyrinth.
Roxy did wonder what would happen if he ever found Zenith; if he and Lilia would continue to carry on. But in those moments, at least, Lilia could numb his pain and keep him on task. And maybe that was enough for the both of them: to savor what they had, even if they knew it'd be temporary.
Roxy had known all along that one day they'd succeed, and the sweet days with the Greyrat family would end. It hadn't made the time spent with them any less precious.
Another meal, another day of waiting come to naught. Rudy remained in his room, and Lilia had apparently not bothered to go see him. Roxy wondered if Lilia delivered her message at some point and she'd simply missed it -Lilia was spending almost all her time with Zenith and was rarely away from her bedside more than a few minutes- and it simply hadn't gotten through to Rudy.
Both Elinalise and Geese had told her to beg off. But not knowing was driving Roxy mad, and she had waited long enough.
Words hadn't done it, food hadn't done it… she had another means that might've. And that thought alone paralyzed her for some time as she weighed her options.
She could've listened to her friends and comrades and just left him alone a while longer… let him process his emotions and come out the other side.
In the process of changing into her nightwear, Roxy made her choice. She just had to be brave and not be as shy as she'd been around him the past few weeks.
Staring at him, but unable to meet his eye. Blushing every time he looked her way. Exploiting every chance to get close to him and feel the changes in his matured body. It was so… childish, but now she had to do something very unchildlike.
Roxy told herself she would do it for him. She would help him find solace and peace.
She wouldn't betray her own excitement. She wouldn't admit her own feelings. Not tonight. In case… in case this was for nothing and she could not move him from his seat. In case Elinalise and Geese were right and he just needed a little more time.
When Roxy stepped out into the hall, she ran through all the ways things could go badly. He might not have been attracted to her any longer -a decade and more had passed since a cute little boy told her he liked her- or he might've been simply too depressed to express his feelings right then, and Roxy might ruin an otherwise close and healthy friendship for nothing.
Still, she knocked on his door. She had to. For him.
Roxy stepped up to his door, planting her feet. She knocked, and after not hearing from him, drew a long breath before opening it.
She saw him at once, seated upright on his bed. His face looked so much thinner, with his cheeks and eyes both sunken and hollow. His father's sword leaned against the bed frame. His clothes were recently cleaned and he'd bathed, but that didn't seem to have fixed much.
"Rudy, do you mind?" Roxy tentatively wondered.
Rudy's gaze shifted towards her, though the rest of him was unmoving. Roxy did her level best to make eye contact when he looked her way. "Master…"
Roxy might've preferred he call her by her name, but she knew he meant it affectionately. She pressed ahead. "Would you step out with me, just for a change of mood? I mean, the city's got plenty more I'd like to see. Why don't we take a look around, like we did the other day?"
She knew he'd refuse it. She wasn't dressed for an outing and she knew every step outside his quarters made every request harder on him. Still she'd allowed herself to go through the motions: formally asking for his time and his company before she… well…
Rudy was slow to respond, eventually turning his gaze away from her. He remained polite, but firmly declined: "No, thank you. I'm not in the mood."
Roxy lowered her head, ever so slightly crestfallen. She expected him to refuse, but her first volley hadn't even scratched his defense. "Oh, okay…"
Rudy hung his head, and -a little more informally- mumbled: "I'm sorry."
Roxy could feel his sorrow emanating. Not only from his own pain, but now that he had disappointed her as well. Roxy had to enact her next steps, or her visit would only exacerbate things for him.
Roxy turned around and closed the door, resolved to stay with him. She latched it shut, and firmly strode over, sitting beside him on his bed with little more than a quiet: "Excuse me."
"It's a shame what happened to Paul and Zenith," Roxy acknowledged, getting the obvious out of the way… and quickly cursing herself the awkward air she further added to the room. She quickly pressed on, however. "I have fond memories of our life together in Buena, too… it might've been the happiest time of my life."
She knew dredging up the past would be painful. She reached over to find his hand, trying to be compassionate… while her mouth kept trying to communicate with logic. "When you go adventuring, people close to you will sometimes die; I know how hard it is. I've gone through it too."
Though Rudy didn't reject her hand resting atop his, he did narrow his eyes, dismissively muttering: "I wish you wouldn't lie. Your parents are both fine."
Roxy -for the third time in a day- had to concede the point. "You're right. It's been a few years since I last saw them, but they both seemed-"
Rudy stood up, sliding his hand out from under hers' and swiftly breaking their connection. "Then you don't understand! Don't just pretend you do!" After taking a moment to compose himself, Rudy continued, albeit without as much strangled emotion. "I've realized something: I thought I was starting over, that I was getting things right. But I was ignoring part of what really mattered."
Rudy's eyes welled up with tears and his lip trembled. "I turned a blind eye to my clashes with my family and made more of the same mistakes I can't take back!" He slumped back into his bed, raising his hand and planting it over his face. "I thought I'd changed, but in the end, I'm still the same as ever…"
That was the part he didn't understand: no one had wanted him to change.
Roxy wouldn't wait any longer. She climbed up, placing her knees on the bedspread, and -finally taller than Rudy- wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him up against her chest.
"My life in Buena really was bliss," Roxy continued, recalling the many instances when she held a much younger boy -in his room, on horseback, after dinner- and how she spoke so softly. "You were bursting with talent, and Paul and Zenith were nothing but kind to me. You all taught me how warm family could be."
Roxy relaxed her grip on his head and -summoning her courage once again- held eye contact when he looked upon her. "Paul and Zenith are a second family to me."
Rudy kept her gaze for a moment before turning his head away. She'd had him for a moment, but now Roxy was losing him to despair again…
Roxy knew it was time to take that incredibly drastic step… she embraced him again, this time from behind, her fingers reaching under his chin to feel the warmth of his face. "So… I want to share that sadness with you."
He didn't reply. He just sat, motionless in her arms. Roxy pressed on. "Rudy, I may be an undersized failure of a master, but I've lived longer than you and that's toughened me up. I know it hurts, but it will hurt less if we share the burden."
Another pause. Rudy gently extracted himself from her arms and stood up.
Rejecting her…?
Roxy was terrified. She reached frantically after him. "Rudy…!"
When she took hold of his wrist, she pulled him back with such force he landed on his back on the bedspread. Roxy -again standing taller than him- looked down at his surprise and confusion as she moved across the bedspread, lifting one knee over his abdomen and beginning her climb.
There was no turning back now. Either she could help him or she couldn't.
Still, she had one last moment of trepidation. When she looked down at him beneath her, she felt the warmth flush in her cheeks. She knew what would happen next, and what steps to take, but…
Everything would change between them.
Someone, save me.
Roxy breathed. Everything had changed between them, from the moment he found her in the labyrinth.
"Don't worry," Roxy reassured him, climbing up onto his lap and reaching up to undo his collar. "For now, just leave everything to me."
Rudy was blushing too. He clearly hadn't expected her to take this step, and he could see where it was going.
Roxy didn't give him time to think. She leaned down, and after a final moment taking in the handsome face of the young man who'd rescued her, she kissed him.
Roxy reached over to find his hand. After a moment's hesitation, Rudeus interlocked his fingers with hers'... and kissed her back. True to her word, Roxy took over from there, keeping him pressed to the mattress as she set to disrobe him.
She didn't want to stop kissing him. She started with his lower half. Rudeus was slow to respond -perhaps shy, perhaps simply willing to let her take charge of things- but he did move his body to accommodate her.
Roxy needed to continue changing, but she didn't want to break their kiss. Not yet. She reached down behind his head, feeling his blonde hair. She breathed in through her nose, familiarizing herself totally and completely with his scent. She wanted not only for him to be happy, but to burn every last little detail into her memory. Just in case… in case this would be all that there ever was.
When she finally broke their kiss, Roxy again held his gaze a long time. She was still flushed, but no longer embarrassed or uncertain. It wasn't exactly what she'd hoped for, but in that moment, his thinner cheeks and his haggard expression only made him more real. It all reminded her that she was still alive, and he was the reason.
Roxy finally reached to her own garbs -helping what she was sure would be difficult for Rudy- and slowly relieving herself of her nightdress. Rudeus' hand still remained in her own, and Roxy wouldn't let go of it unless she absolutely needed to. She had given him an anchor to the present, and the past could only pull him so far away.
And the night wore on.
Lilia had cursed herself for leaving him alone for so long. She had meant to return to him at some point -to try and feed him again, perhaps only to deliver Roxy's message- but she had spent the whole day at Zenith's side and allowed herself every excuse to stay there.
No one questioned it. No one would think to.
She knocked on his door before the morning light. Some part of her hoped to find him asleep and to turn right back around.
But when she peered into his quarters and saw his clothes -and Roxy's night dress- haphazardly scattered on the floor, she could not look away. She stared, unflinching, at Master Rudeus lying in bed atop the blanket, and Roxy lying beside him wrapped in the sheets.
Lilia could guess how it went. She could picture it all so clearly.
She should've been happy. With a single action, Roxy had unburdened her of two of her duties.
But when she finally stepped back and closed the door, she found no new happiness. She found no relief in knowing Rudeus and Roxy had finally acted on mutual feeling. It was another complication so soon after the first.
Master Rudeus had always been enamored with her. Roxy had clearly become attracted to him upon seeing how handsome he'd become as an adult. This may well have been inevitable.
So why?
Why did it hurt to know that?