Chapter 24 - Maybe 'cause I'm a dreamer and sleep is the cousin of death (Really stuck in the schema of wonderin' when I'ma rest)

Beautiful flowers stained red.

Corpses littering the ground.

Children's toys lying abandoned.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Vertigo was all he felt when he opened his eyes. The canopy of the tree above him was a single blob of different colors. Focus slowly came back, and there was a girl above him.

"It's time to go home."

Nathan did not wake up to his usual screaming, but the pain was still there, nestled deep in his chest. It felt like being tired and completely empty of hope.

A child stared back at him through the mirror of the bathroom, eyes apathetic and tired. He looked more like an old man that should have already found peace in death.

Nathan wondered if that was how he looked as a child.

King's cross station was stifling with the amount of people and ghosts going about, and deafening with their sounds and the train's combined. The tight formation of the order around the teenagers only added to Nathan's feeling of slowly choking on the grain that buzzed around his eyes and ears.

Nathan jumped in fright as something brushed by his legs. His trembling eyes jumped to the black dog that trotted forwards, ignorant or ignoring Moody's grumbling about safety risks.

The dog entered a small closed area, its shape growing taller through the frosted glasses. As a unit, the group stopped besides the shut door, the adults turning about to scan the surroundings.

"Go inside Harry." Came Moody's gruff voice, his eyes never landing on the bespectacled boy that went inside.

With his back to the glass, Nathan copied the actions of the order members, his gaze fleeting about in every direction, never stopping to rest, never falling on the specters facing him. There was no caution, no protocol, behind the action; only anxiety.

He was anxious about the return to school, and about what would happen this year. He was nervous about being in a crowded space, where an attack could happen at any point, either from outside or from within himself. He was afraid that if an attack did happen, the order wouldn't be completely prepared, like the last two times.

He didn't know how to feel about being in a place he had no recollection about, in spite of the fact that he knew he should have come here at least once!

A creaking sound came, Nathan's head turning to it fast enough to hurt. The door opened slightly, Harry's head peeking out, and looking about, before landing on him.

"Padfoot wants to talk to you."

Confusion stopped him from moving for a moment. Slowly Nathan pushed off the wall and entered the room.

The door closed behind him, and instantly the sounds from outside got muffled. He walked towards Sirius, feeling how much less rigid his body felt.

"Hey mate, just wanted to say goodbye!" Sirius said with cheer, big smile on his face and one hand outstretched.

Nathan gripped the offered hand, opening his mouth to speak, before being pulled into a hug by the man.

"Thank you for doing what I couldn't for Harry," The emotion on the man's voice was clear, even through the soft tone. "And for making that dreary house more lively."

Once again, before Nathan could answer, Sirius pulled away, hands holding Nathan's shoulders. "If you need anything, just send me a letter okay?"

Still somewhat reeling, all Nathan could do was nod, making Sirius' smile grow somehow. "And keep Harry out of trouble for me!"

That was enough to break Nathan's reverie as a laugh bubbled out of his throat. "That I can't promise."

"Hah, good enough!"

Sirius transformed back into the grimm and all three stepped outside. Moody took one look at them with one eye before marching forwards while ordering them to 'move it'.

They entered one platform before collectively stopping before a small wall between numbers nine and ten. One by one the group ran at the wall, vanishing behind it. All the while Nathan waited for the white noise to flare around him.

His turn came and he ran into the bricks, instinct making his body seize before the contact. He stumbled and fell over in the darkness, rolling about before stopping, the color red and moving feet being the only thing he could see.

Hands touched him and he panicked, his anxious eyes turning to Harry and Hermione as they helped him up. He forced himself to relax, a lopsided grin fighting to stay on his face. "I tripped!"

Something in his face must have given him away, because their amused and exasperated expressions slowly turned to concern. Some of the order members crossing the barrier took the attention away from him, as they ushered them to the train.

The group separated, Ron's brothers and sister going to find their classmates, Nathan and the rest to find a booth for themselves. They found one just as the train started taking off, the trio going to the window to wave goodbye to the order while Nathan took a seat, his bag still with him.

All the turmoil of the morning caught up to him at the moment, as his eyes slowly closed without his consent.

"What am I doing here?" His eyes roamed around, no recognition coming as he saw the meadow.

"Were you sleeping that soundly?" The girl asked as she moved about collecting things.

"No, it just feels like I was having a really long dream." But he could not remember a single thing.

He raised his head when the girl called him, the worry present in her eyes confusing him more.

"Why are you crying?"

Nathan at the feeling of pressure on his chest, slowly choking him. The invisible hands slowly let go as his surroundings became recognizable. Through the blur in his eyes he saw Harry across from him, worried expression clear to see as Nathan wiped his tears away.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, stare not wavering, and Nathan knew there would be no deflecting this time.

"Um, just…" Nathan stopped himself at how weird his voice sounded in his ears through the static.

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah." Nathan looked at the racing scenery outside, too ashamed to look at Harry. Was he ashamed of having a nightmare in front of him, or ashamed because he was lying? He didn't know.

"Where's Hermione and Ron?" Nathan asked, attempting to change the subject.

"Doing their prefect duties." Harry answered, and Nathan glanced at him, finally noticing the pained expression on his face. He had his own nightmare. The thought only brought his mood down further.

Awkward silence stretched around them. Nathan pulled out his sketchbook, but he had no focus for drawing, and the movement of the train made him progressively more annoyed.

"I'ma take a walk." He said to the room more than to Harry as he put the sketchbook away on the bag still around his shoulders, and stepped out of the booth.

The corridor was cramped by the spirits milling about, and uncomfortable with rows upon rows of booths with glass doors, allowing everyone to look as you walked by.

Nathan immediately regretted his decision of stepping outside. But he also couldn't stay in that room for another moment. He walked as fast as he could, hurrying even more as he felt the wraiths touch him, knowing their eyes wore on him. He searched for the bathroom, desperate for privacy. He found one unoccupied by the end of the car, and ducked inside.

It was much bigger than was physically possible, but Nathan ignored it, immediately turning the sink on and splashing the water on his face. The peace of mind it brought was a drop in an ocean storm, and did nothing to mute the white noise assaulting his hearing.

He went back to the booth after a while, ignoring the faces in the windows. Nathan was surprised to see Neville, with a moving plant on his lap, sitting beside Harry in their booth. He stepped inside with a smile on his face.

"Nate!" Neville cheerily greeted as he noticed him."How have you been, mate?"

"I'm good." Nathan said while trying not to choke at how happy his friend was to see him. "How are our plants?"

"Oh, they've been growing really well!" His friend's face lit up even more as he presented the pot in his hands. "The yarrows and the asphodels are…"

They kept talking until Hermione and Ron came back, and then kept talking until the train stopped. They stepped out to the deserted platform, trudging along in the dark to the carriages.

That was the moment Malfoy decided to make his appearance, flanked by his cronies.

"I'm surprised the ministry is still letting you walk around free, Potter!"

The boy strutted past them, one hand in his pocket and the other waving a newspaper. Harry started turning to face the blonde, but Nathan stopped him, dragging him close enough that their feet hit each other's as they walked.

"Ignore him." Nathan ordered with a tired voice, neither looking at Harry or at the blonde. He could feel his friend's glare through his thick spectacles, but Nathan was too tired to care or glare back.

Malfoy walked away, annoyance clear in his face at his taunts having no effect. Nathan let go of Harry as the group kept walking in silence.

"Thanks…" Harry whispered begrudgingly. Nathan halfheartedly waved the gratitude away.

They arrived at the carriages, one of them just pulling off with a girl locked in a heated stare with Harry. Nathan had no time to make a comment as another carriage appeared, his full attention immediately going to the familiar beings pulling it.

He could feel the static flaring around him. It didn't stop Nathan from approaching the creature with a melancholic smile on his face. The thestrals neigh happily, nuzzling their faces on his hands.

"What are these?" He hears from beside him, and he is so lost in the moment that it took a moment before he turned to see Harry with a confused face.

"They are thestrals." A voice answered before Nathan could. His smile grew as he turned to face the girl that couldn't hide from him even with an upside down magazine in front of her face. "I can see them too."

With one last pat to their heads, Nathan walked to the back of the carriage, jumping in and sitting beside the girl, who finally lowered her magazine. Her eyes wide and dreamy as always, and they shined with happiness as they fell to his own. Nathan forced himself to breathe through the tightness that appeared in his chest again.

"Hey Luna…" Nathan forced himself to breathe through the tightness that appeared in his chest again.

"Mister Wanderer!" The girl mocked a curtsy in her seat, her head cocking to the side in confusion when she straightened up. "You've changed…"

"It's puberty." Nathan joked with a light chest, reveling in the feeling he could feel slowly fading with her cryptic words, wondering what exactly she meant.

"Everyone, this is Loony-"

Hermione cut herself off even before Nathan turned to glare at her. She winced before continuing her introduction of the girl. "Luna Lovegood." She turned her head to the side, not meeting his gaze.

Nathan huffed, looking at the rest of the group. Harry was looking at him with contemplative eyes, gaze serious and wondering. Nathan turned away from him.

The ride was filled with awkward silence, no one trying to make conversation. Nathan tilted his head back, slouching as much as he could on the seat and trying to rest. Luna leaned her head on his shoulder, back to reading her upside down magazine. He could feel someone looking at him, so he discreetly opened his eyes, seeing Harry still looking weirdly at him, with Hermione now joining in. It was impossible to relax.

After what seemed like an eternity they arrived at the castle, everyone in a rush to escape the uncomfortable atmosphere. Nathan leisurely strolled through the front doors with Luna by his side, already feeling a headache coming just by hearing the amount of noise coming front the great hall.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump, frantic eyes turning to Harry standing beside him with a startled expression. "What?" Nathan asked more gruffly than he intended, but he was caught off guard by how wound up he already was.

"Can-" Harry hesitated, and Nathan traded his irritation for worry. "Since when could you see the thestrals?"

All emotion fled Nathan as he was left completely numb. How could he answer such a question? With a truth that sounded like a lie? Or a lie that sounded like the truth?

"I don't know. Since always, I guess."

Nathan turned to his friend, entering the great hall alone and going to his usual seat by the end of the table.

The feast passed by in a slow blur, with the hat singing, the kids being sorted, and food being eaten. All the while his headache grew and grew.

Dumbledore started his usual speech, being interrupted by a woman in pink at one point. The woman gave off the same vibes as 'Moody' had given him in the previous year. Nathan tried to pay attention to what she was saying, but couldnt force himself to focus through the pain in his head

He followed the mass of students as they left the room, going to the bathroom before going up to the common room. The cold water didn't diminish the headache in the slightest, and he ascended the stairs while rubbing his head trying to rub his migraine away.

Nathan found Ron outside the portrait and entered with him, seeing as he didn't know the password. The atmosphere inside was tense with Harry and one of their roommates—Seamus, if he remembered right—shouting at each other.

All Nathan could do was sigh and massage his head harder, his feet taking him to his fuming friend so he could push him towards the stairs.

"Ignore him." He repeated his words from earlier in the day in a whisper, more so he did not aggravate his headache instead of making sure Seamus didn't hear him.

"But-"

"Ignore! Him!" Nathan whisper-yelled through grit teeth, finally managing to reach the stone steps.

They entered the empty dorm room, and Harry promptly shoved Nathan's hands from his shoulders to start pacing the room. Nathan's hands came back to his aching head.

"Dude, you really gotta calm-"

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!"

Nathan cringed in pain from the shout, hands uncovering his eyes so he could see his fuming friend. He watched as Harry's face slowly fell, shoulders hunching down with an invisible weight.

"I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have-I'm just so-" Harry's words came out haltingly, his gaze refusing to meet Nathan's. He stomped to his bed and dropped down to it, head falling to his hands.

Ron—Who Nathan only now noticed was in the room with them—approached the bespectacled boy, laying a supportive hand on his shoulder.

Nathan was too tired to be that nice, so he approached his friend to gently flick his forehead. His annoyed expression as he looked at Nathan was better than the previous look of anger.

"S'not your fault, I'd be angry too." Nathan slurred his words as he turned to his bed, dropping his bag by the bedside table and toeing off his boots. "Y'just can't keep trying to fight everyone that calls you a liar, 'cause tha's just gonna make it worse."

He spared Harry a smile and an affectionate knock to his head as he passed on his way to the bathroom with his pajamas on his arm.

In spite of how much it pained him, Nathan could never stop himself from looking at his reflection. As he looked at his pale complexion and dark bags under his eyes, Nathan marveled at the fact that despite everything that had happened, it was still him staring back from the mirror. Let's see how long it will stay like this.

With the depressing thought as the last thing in his mind, Nathan dropped to his bed, falling asleep as soon as he closed the blinds.