Except for the nearly silent whine of well-oiled and balanced hinges, the doors opened without resistance. Tapestries hung on the walls, darkened by decades of smoke filling the room. Most of the torches in the circular-shaped throne room had gone out except the ones on the far side surrounding the dais and the throne itself.
The throne was not the gaudiest Zuko had seen—that was in the Palace—but it was clearly made with the intent to draw attention. Gold covered the characters for fire, power, and life, and they were scattered and repeated over the arms and back of the throne.
The Fire Lord in all his terrible glory, was on the seat, back straight and hands resting on his thighs like he was a doll that had been dressed and sat there. His voice, cold and cruel, rang out: "I thought you were dead."
All Zuko's thoughts were replaced by nothing or, rather, fear and anger, the most thoughtless kinds of emotion. Memories, feelings, and the knowledge of the man before him overwhelmed Zuko and his sense of being. The pain of his Scar, the years of rejection, the knowledge of what this man was capable of, and what made him laugh took hold of his mind.
The Fire Lord smiled. "Leave us," he ordered, and it was then that Zuko realized there had been guards lining the walls and lurking in the shadows. They left, silent in their obedience. "Why are you here?" the Fire Lord said, directing his question at Zuko. "And without your friends?" He sneered at the last word. "Are they? Your friends?"
"They are." His voice felt hollow and small. He gripped his sword with both hands, but it offered little comfort.
"And yet you came without them. Wanted to kill me by yourself, I suppose. Or maybe beg for forgiveness? Your sister told me you turned your back on the Fire Nation. Called me a traitor."
"It's—" No single thought stayed put long enough for him to cling to it. A whirlwind of confusion and foreboding left him momentarily speechless. "I—" he started, but faltered again. He was distantly aware he was frozen on the spot, not unlike when Hama took over his body.
One thought, some amalgamation of several partials or perhaps simply the strongest one that stood out from the rest, stayed with Zuko: "You aren't supposed to be here."
The Fire Lord pursed his lips, the only clue as to his current attitude. "No, I don't suppose I am, not if you meant for the Avatar to find and kill me. Why have you come here, then, if not to try to take my place?"
Zuko took a step to the side, moving towards the servants' hall while trying to keep his distance. "I…" he said, not quite sure what he was about to say, but needed to distract the Fire Lord, "I want to tell you the truth."
The Fire Lord stood, causing Zuko to take a half step back. "During an eclipse? This should be interesting. Go on."
"I've had enough of you telling me what to do!" Zuko snapped, regaining the ground he had lost.
"Fine, then. Don't speak and try to kill me."
Raising his dao, he shouted, "Just stop!"
Undisturbed, the Fire Lord continued, "What do you see in them? Do you think you're going to win? Tsk. You never did have a mind for strategy, did you?"
Zuko took a step forward. "I said stop!"
"Fine." He sat. "What were you going to tell me?"
"That you're wrong," he found himself replying.
An amused, condescending smile played across his father's face. "Wrong? Pray, tell me, about what?"
"E—Everything! You were—are—wrong about everything! You're going to lose and Aa—the Avatar will stop you and stop you from massacring everyone!" Even as the words passed his lips, they seemed childish, naïve. "You're going to pay for every life you took and for every burn you handed out."
Something in the Fire Lord's posture changed, and he closed his eyes and nodded. "I see. This isn't a noble deed. This is revenge."
Zuko stepped closer. "This is justice!"
His eyes flew open. "You think what I've done is unjust? Everything I've done—"
"Burning a thirteen-year-old boy because he spoke out of turn is justice?"
"It was to teach you respect—!"
"It was cruel! And it was wrong!"
Zuko was breathing hard, and he watched the anger coil in the Fire Lord's face until he struck: "Then you have learned nothing!"
"I've learned enough! And I learned it despite you. You once told me I was lucky to be born, and I believed you because I loved you and thought you loved me. But you lied. You lied to me just so you could use me. You—I don't know how you did it but you twisted my love for you, for Mom, and—"
"I didn't—"
"You destroyed me!" Zuko roared. "Who I was. You crush what you think is weak, and so I tried to make myself strong for you, but it just made me angry—at everything." Tears began to cloud his vision, but he blinked them away. Softer, he added, "And you didn't care until I said something you disagreed with.
"You're treating the world in the same way, and the people fear us; they hate us!—and why shouldn't they? But the Avatar, he—" he stopped himself, trying to slow down his thoughts, "—he doesn't hate. I don't think he hates you, the one most worthy of it. I hope to be like him someday, though I don't know that I ever will be."
"He's gotten to you. Your uncle."
"Not nearly enough."
The Fire Lord looked Zuko over, assessing him. "So?" he said finally. "You're not going to kill me?" He sounded confused, amused, annoyed—and relieved?
Zuko lowered his dao the slightest amount. "No."
"You've," he said in a dubious and mocking tone, "forgiven me now?"
"No," he answered decisively, "I don't think I ever will, but I won't play your games anymore. I won't kill you. I won't because I know you would if you were me, and I'm done being anything like you. It's the Avatar's destiny to end you, not mine."
"Ha! Destiny. More like making a boy do a man's job—and a princess to do a prince's!"
Zuko paused. "What?"
Father sneered now that his attack found purchase. "I gave you one way to regain your honor, one way to prove yourself to me that you could be Fire Lord someday: capture the Avatar. If you can't do that…"
Zuko's heart lurched. "Azula."
"Yes, you understand now. Your sister wanted to greet you herself, but she understands the meaning of putting more important things before what she wants." Something must have crossed Zuko's face because Father smiled. "She's going to do her duty. She will be Fire Lord. And you…you'll be nothing."
If he's not where he's supposed to be… "Where is she? Tell me," he commanded.
But Father paid him no mind. "You care about them, don't you?"
Stepping closer, Zuko raised his dao again. "Tell me!"
"Is that why you're helping them? Or did those savages promise you something? Did they tell you they'd let you live? They're liars, you know. They'll say anything to get what they want—they'll do anything too."
"You're the liar. I'm teaching the Avatar to stop you, and he will stop you."
"Really? You, my failure of a son?" He laughed, quick and loud, making Zuko flinch. "With you at the helm, I shouldn't have to worry."
"I'm not the one facing the end of my sword," he replied coldly.
"Boy, you and your 'abilities' have always been nothing but a shadow of a shadow compared to your ancestors, compared to your sister. I suppose I should thank you for your incompetence along with your insolence. Imagine a Fire Lord outdone by the most basic firebender. And you're the one teaching the Avatar."
"Shut up!"
"Is that all you have to say, traitor? Is your resolve so weak that you can only stand there? That's what making friends with that kind of filth does to you." He hurled the words at Zuko: "She will kill them, and I'll make sure the rest of their kind is erased forever."
Once again, words disappeared from Zuko's mind, they were burned from it. The blade in front of him was raised again and shaking. His hands hurt from the tightness of his grip.
"And yet you still…can't…kill me." Father let each word rise and fall as he let them roll off his tongue—except the last one: "Coward."
Then Zuko was moving forward, rushing toward the man who had destroyed everything he had once loved and who was trying to destroy all he had come to love since. The destroyer needed to be destroyed and if that meant Zuko lost himself in the process, so be it; there were things too good to leave alone and in danger.
He leapt up the steps to the throne, sword back, and ready to swing.
-o-0-
Hakoda threw himself behind the remains of an earthen wall. Bato joined him a second later with a heavy grunt. A river of tumbling rocks swept by them and continued down the narrow, steep path into the valley.
Except for the occasional nonbending soldier who chose to stand his ground, they had run into little resistance once the eclipse began; in fact, the climb up the lava rock provided more of a challenge than the soldiers. That wasn't to say it was easy. It was decidedly not when the mud from the recent rain clung to their legs, and the land on the trail to the top of the volcano was as physically demanding as it was. No trees or vegetation that would stop fallen pebble from a retreating soldier from turning into a snowballing wave of rocks covered the slope, but the men were relentless in their climb, being driven by something greater than themselves.
The immediate danger was over as the last crash sounded further down the trail, and he and Bato stood aside and let the other men pass. Hakoda looked up the trail to the top of the ridge. The tribesmen were coming upon it quickly, but the eclipse would be over soon enough. It wouldn't be a complete failure if they didn't reach the Palace before then, not if the Fire Lord was subdued, but it would be easier.
Please let them be safe. Let the Avatar do what needs to be done, and, if not him, let Sokka do the right thing, he prayed to La, Tui, and whatever spirits were willing to listen to him.
"Chief."
Hakoda turned to Bato who pointed out a young tribesman hurrying up the slope, unarmored and quickly moving toward the two men. Hopefully with good news.
Then, as quick as a thought, Hakoda sensed a change in the air. He watched the men file by and saw them feel it too, glancing around for an ambush or other hidden threat. Then he noticed a sound, a soft whooshing, like when you blow into your hands when it's cold out.
They looked up. No. There hadn't been any intelligence, not a whisper of something like what he was seeing. Balloons—no, airships—sailed above the Caldera, their red exteriors broken only by black ropes supporting it and an even blacker Fire Nation insignia. The wind rippled the canvas so that the symbol fluttered like an actual flame.
Deep within him, Hakoda felt the weight of defeat grow heavier as his hopes fell. Victory felt like a lie he had been telling and retelling to fool everyone. Or maybe he was the fool. "We need to fall back," he said. The words reached his ears like the fulfillment of a fortuneteller's cryptic prophecy that he had tried hard to avoid but his efforts had nonetheless brought himself to the place he was meant to be.
Footsteps came up next to him along with the heaving breath of a tired boy. "Chief, the Fire Nation—"
He whirled around. "What?"
"The Navy, sir… I don't know where they came from… They must have been waiting for us."
Hakoda looked up from the boy to the ocean behind and below him. Sure enough, dark shapes dotted the waters, far outnumbering their mere three ships. All the Fire Nation needed to do was punch a hole in them—If they haven't already—and they would be dead in the water.
Turning to Bato, he said, "Where are my children?"
-o-0-
The sound of Azula's quiet footsteps bounced off the walls as she strode down the hallway. Their floors worn smooth by countless feet, the maze-like passages were meant for servants to travel through the Caldera and its various room quickly and efficiently. Azula had discovered them her first time in the Capital, and they had served her well ever since.
Passing one doorway that was covered by a curtain, she heard a voice discussing the ongoing fight: "…flying beast! I had heard the stories…" and another: "There is no way they made those machines on their own. Water Nations sympathizers maybe, but I don't…"
Fear was in their voices. She frowned. Why?
The answer provided itself: They must not know Father's plan, and they have no faith. They're small men with weak minds, scared out of their skin. And they aren't doing a good job hiding it.
She came upon another doorway and paused in front of it. Quieter voices came from the other side of the curtain: the Dai Li. "…Kingdom at risk."
She pressed closer.
"…like nor…her. She…"
They were smarter men, men experienced in hiding their motives, but their thoughts, even before now, were known by her. Their allegiances had not changed as quickly as they made it seem, but as long as they did what they were told and weren't a direct threat to her, Azula would let them play their little games.
She brushed aside the curtain to find six Dai Li standing together. They voices fell silent. "We're going to meet the Avatar," she informed them. They dipped their heads silently and followed her out of the room.
Together, they swiftly backtracked down the path Azula had just taken, but at a fork hidden in shadow, they turned and descended deeper into the Caldera.
Being lighter than they, Azula almost flew down the steps and into a hall, one that was cooler and smaller than the one before. I'm going to kill the Avatar. Me. Not…him. Zuko was dead, wasn't he? Had to be. Had to. But those reports…
No matter how much she tried to convince herself, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was wrong. Even worse, she did not feel a sense of victory over him. He was her rival, now gone, and she would receive all the glory but…all she felt was anger at him. Why was he so stupid? He didn't even fight me. Not an Agni Kai or any other kind of real fight. It's like he let me win. I'm stronger than him; why did he think he needed to do that?
She paused, her next step falling out of rhythm. Someone who is stronger doesn't have to say it.
Sometimes it has to be said, she thought, her regular rhythm resuming.
She turned a corner, then another, her thoughts refocusing on the task at hand. The Avatar thinks he's going to win; how wrong he is. She smiled as she made one final turn into a curtained doorway and entered through it.
The circular room was relatively small compared to the throne room. Its walls and ceiling were like a ball had been cut in half. It was more modestly decorated than the throne room, though there still was a dais to her left along the wall that mirrored the one in the throne room above her. But the point of the room was not to intimidate anyone who entered, but to protect in an attack—or a war, as the name implied.
They can attack all they want.
"It's nearly time," said one of the Dai Li, and Azula couldn't help but feel for the dagger under her clothes. Soon enough, she wouldn't be protected by anything more than that.
As if on cue, an explosion, then another and another quickly following it, sounded. The earth rumbled, the Caldera growling out a warning to its intruders. All fell silent in light of this; even Azula felt herself holding her breath, listening.
Then a sound, a voice high but faint, made her ears perk. She paused, straining to hear. A fraction of a second later, the Dai Li froze too, listening. The sound didn't return. Was the Avatar heading in her direction? Was Zuko truly dead? Did he betray her?
Azula signaled the others to spread out, to move to the dark shadows that lined the small room.
Taking slow, small steps back, she retreated to the doorway she had entered. An idea struck her, and she went to the dais and sat on the seat meant for the Fire Lord. Any other day she would have been killed for such disrespect. She smiled again. Once I kill the Avatar, they won't dare go against me.
The door on the far end swung open with a bang. Four of them; the Avatar, the little earthbender, and the Water Tribe boy and girl—the one she took hostage before—rushed in, then stopped after seeing her lounging in the Fire Lord's seat. She had one leg draped over the arm as if it were a lazy summer day and they were friends stopping by. They whispered back and forth, and she cut them off: "Surprised?" she said.
"Where is he? Where's the Fire Lord?" asked the Avatar as he cautiously approached.
She discretely tried to bend. Nothing. Swinging her leg around, she stood up. It was imperative she kept the attention on herself. She pouted, "You mean I'm not good enough for you? You're hurting my feelings." She stepped forward, and they drew closer, no doubt thinking they had the upper hand. "Maybe Zuzu gave you the wrong location. Maybe he betrayed you."
The tribesman stepped forward recklessly and pointed his sword at her chest. "Stop wasting our time and give us the information. You're powerless right now; you're in no position to refuse."
Azula dropped the act. It wasn't any fun when not everyone was playing their parts. And why is he dodging the question? Where was Zuko, if not with them? Maybe he gave them this location, knowing it was wrong.
The earthbender followed her friend and said in an annoyingly high voice, "And stick to the truth. I'll be able to tell if you're lying."
Ignoring the sword pointed at her chest, Azula bent down and looked into the cloudy eyes of the little girl in front of her. "I don't know; I'm a pretty good liar."
Refusing to look for the Dai Li and give away their positions, Azula instead glanced at the Avatar slowly walking up to her. For this one moment, she had to trust her temporary allies would do their jobs; if they didn't, well, she'd just have to improvise. That said…What are the Dai Li doing, waiting for a signal? They could—and should—attack at any moment.
Her attention was brought back to the earthbender who looked dubious at Azula's previous statement. Azula straightened up and provided some evidence, happy to waste more of their time: "I'm Azula, a four-hundred-foot-tall purple platypus bear with pink horns and silver wings."
The earthbender raised her eyebrows. "Okay, you're good. I admit it."
The fact was the words had little thought behind them, but they were as true as any other word she spoke. Every word that came from a Fire Lord was truth, but, more than that, every word anyone spoke was true by its mere existence. Even lies were truths of a kind; not many seemed to understand that, which made it hilariously easy to both spot and tell when she was being lied to.
Then the earthbender surprised Azula and grinned, wide and knowing. Lowering her voice, she said, "But I can see your friends."
Azula stiffened, an action which gave the other three of the earthbender's companions the opportunity to rush toward her, trying to catch her arms. Recovering from her surprise, she quickly kicked off the chest of the tribesman and escaped their grasp.
Yells rang out and bounced around the room. Azula looked back to see the Dai Li agents had come out from hiding and were fighting the earthbender, and the earthbender was holding her own. One agent had already suffered a broken leg, and another had been put into an earthen cocoon above the doorway entrance. Three remained, likely due to being the least dangerous of the beginning five. They all let you down in the end.
Also behind her was the Avatar. He swung his wooden staff and something slammed into Azula's back, shoving her forward, and she stumbled to keep balance. Something else whistled past her ear, and she saw a metal arch, sharp enough to split a hair in two, flash in the air.
"Sokka!" the Avatar yelled, almost as if he were reprimanding him.
Sokka. The name sounded familiar. She had met him weeks before, but that's not where she remembered hearing the name. It was more recent than that…
Ducking as she ran, Azula retreated to the Fire Lord's seat only to have it blasted away like the tops of trees during a storm. Another attack, a spike of ice—and then another and another—shattered behind her, each one landing not more than the smallest fraction of a second after she had been there.
Off to the side of the room were two Dai Li agents propelling themselves along the curved walls toward her or, rather, toward escape. Azula led the way, running into the servants' hall and down the passage away from the throne room.
Slowing enough to sneak a glance back, she waited to see that the Avatar followed but was foiled when one of the two remaining agents earthbended the doorway shut. That wasn't the plan! But her worry was unfounded when the rock cracked and burst, revealing the Avatar in a cloud of dust.
Azula sped up. Follow me.
The tunnel curved around, and she mentally recalled where they were in the circle she was taking them in. One Dai Li agent was left, doggedly following her. Is that all?
The ground shifted underfoot, and, ahead, a craggy outcropping jutted out in an attempt to seal off the main tunnel. She could turn down a side passage, but Azula instead leapt up, pushed off the side wall as leverage, and slipped between the ceiling and the outcropping. Landing gracefully, she proceeded onward.
The Dai Li agent behind her, foregoing grace, crashed through the rock barrier; however, a panicked yell followed, and she looked back to see him pinned against the tunnel wall by a boulder.
A voice behind her from the Water Tribe boy, Sokka, yelled, "Wait! Aang! Toph! Stop attacking!" Azula slowed and stopped as they did. He continued, "Don't you see what she's doing? She's just playing with us. She's not even trying to win this fight!"
Smart boy. "Not true. I'm giving it my all," she called back through the dust that was settling.
"Okay," said the Avatar, "so what do we do, just ignore her?"
"I wouldn't try that," she warned, stepping closer to the Avatar and the others.
Disregarding her, Sokka answered, "We don't have a choice. We just have to get out of here and find the Fire Lord on our own somehow."
"I hope Zuko is okay," the Avatar's girlfriend said.
So Zuko was alive. Where was he, then? With Father? If so, and if he's their ally, why do they not seem to know where he is? "And you think I'll just let you walk away?" Azula said to Sokka. As much as she wanted to track down Zuko, the Avatar was still the priority.
"You can't do anything to us."
"Really? 'Sokka.' Oh, yeah, I remember that name." She stepped forward, then paused, giving herself time to remember when it was that she had heard it. It was that girl Ty Lee mentioned. Back near Ba Sing Se. What was her name? But she knew she wouldn't have remembered it even if it had been said. The only reason Azula remembered Sokka's name at all was because it sounded stupid the first time she heard the girl say it: "Sock-uh," was what she initially heard, like a stupid child yelling out a word and not knowing how to follow it.
An idea formed and a plan was quickly hatched. She took another step forward and spoke, pushing to widen the smallest gap of opportunity: "A prisoner of mine used to mention you all the time." It was once, in fact; Azula hadn't stuck around for long after the white-faced warriors were captured, but the look on the girl's face when she said his name and how he would come for her….
Sokka froze, watching her, waiting for more. I can't do anything to you, huh? Fingering her dagger under her shirt, she continued, pressing her advantage, "She was convinced you were going to come rescue her. Of course you never came, and she gave up on you."
The dagger slid out noiselessly as Sokka came closer, hate oh-so-quickly taking him over. One more step, and she could gut him easily. Come and get it.
"Sokka!" The Avatar grabbed his forearm.
A rock struck Azula's hand, and her knife flew away from her. She looked to the earthbender; she had stopped grinning.
Only hesitating when he saw the knife, Sokka then shoved her against the wall. The rocks dug into her back, but she didn't squirm. The eclipse would be ending soon.
His arm pressed against her neck. "Where…is…Suki?!" A deep, terrible change overtook his features as he spoke her name. He looked like he was capable of doing anything to get the information out of her.
Azula blinked. For once, she didn't have a cutting reply. When does the eclipse end? was the only thought that came to her.
"Sokka, she won't talk," said the Avatar.
He pressed harder, ignoring him. "Where are you keeping her?"
The hairs on her arm stood on end. She swallowed with some effort as she was forced to fight against the weight pressing against her throat, only managing a tight smile in response.
But as she did so, the attentions of the Avatar and the earthbender were drawn to something else above them. She flicked her eyes up, but the low ceiling revealed none of its secrets.
The hair on the back of her neck tingled. She sniffed. No scent of lightning, but they were some distance from the throne room and separated by layers of rock. Looking for clues, she directed her attention to the Avatar again.
That was all she needed to make a determination.
Finally returning the earthbender's grin, she said, "Seems like firebending's back on." She put her hands on Sokka and focused as much heat as she could, and he jumped back. As if the fire itself was eager to resume, it flared easily when she kicked her leg out in a wide arc. The entire team backed up. Four against one firebender; it's almost a fair fight.
A part of her wanted to see how a fight would end, but there were more important things. Where is Zuko? She needed to get away first. Anticipating a chase that, this time, she did not want to participate in, she shot off a fire blast at the Avatar. "Father is all the way at the end of the hall then up a stairway on the right. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to see you now."
Flashing them one more smile, she descended through another doorway. The descent would only last another few paces before it spiraled steeply up to the ground level outside the Palace. There, she could decide to surprise them or, exiting early, return to Father. Or find Zuko.
As she ran down the steps, she heard Sokka cry out, "I fell for it! I used up all our time."
-o-0-
The door shut behind Zuko with a certain sense of finality. A drop of blood traveled down the edge of his dao. Not only did he have no honor to restore, but he could never return to the Fire Nation and leave alive. He belonged to no nation, no people. There was Uncle, but he had been silent for so long. And there was—well, he hoped there still was—Katara.
Katara. Zuko fell against the wall beside him and slid down halfway. No, there's no time. Zuko pushed off from the wall, his legs seemingly moving of their own accord as he maneuvered the empty halls. His breath was loud and ragged to his ears. All the hope he had—and didn't know he had—had sunk like a stone in the pit of his stomach, weighing him down. They can't be dead. Aang, Toph, Sokka, Katara. Azula couldn't have…
He slowed, putting one hand against a wall for support and clutching the pendant around his neck with the other. Please, he cried.
There's no time, he thought again and moved on, forcing himself to walk, then run deeper into the dead core of the Caldera. He passed locked doors, halls that stretched out of sight, and vast spaces of things that didn't matter anymore.
He turned down another hall. Blue and green and red clothes and their owners wheeled around the corner opposite from him. As recognition hit Zuko, he stumbled and nearly fell.
"Zuko!" they yelled.
He scrambled up just as they ran to meet him. "You're…" he said, his eyes passing between all of them, taking in all their scrapes and scratches but seeing none of it. "You're alive." He laughed, giddy with the relief that was coursing through his body. "You're alive!" He took a shaky breath and felt his body grow heavy. Suddenly, he was very tired, and he grabbed hold of Sokka's shoulder for stability.
"Whoa! Are you okay?" asked Aang.
He nodded and breathed, "Yeah—"
"No, you aren't," interjected Katara. There was a blur of blue as she moved behind him and, nearly instantly, he began to feel better, more alive.
Sokka asked, "Did you see Ozai?"
He wiped his eyes and nodded. "We ran out of time. The eclipse…"
"You didn't kill him?" asked Aang.
The weight of their gazes rested on Zuko, but only for a moment before he answered, still a little out of breath. "No."
Silence replied. None of them seemed particularly relieved or happy by what he said, but at least they were alive, at least he had that.
Breaking the silence, Aang said, "Thank you."
"You—"
"We need to go," Sokka said and left before Zuko could finish.
A second later, Katara finished healing what she could, and they reversed Zuko's path and jogged back toward the surface.
"I'm sorry, Sokka, I didn't—"
"It's not that," he snapped.
Turning to Katara, Zuko asked, "What happened?"
"We didn't find out where Suki was taken!" Sokka called back. "We need to find her!"
"We can't think of that now," Katara replied. "We need to find Dad and tell him to retreat so we can…try again."
Zuko felt her words fall flat. There was no trying again, not with remotely the same chances as they had minutes prior. There was only Sozin's Comet and trying to limit Father's destruction if they could.
"When else should I think of her? When we win?" Sokka retorted, bitterness enveloping his tone.
Katara didn't reply. There would be no time. Zuko had tried telling her that, and now there was very little time left for anything or anyone.
There was little hope to be had for the world, too, nor much comfort in the foreseeable future for any of them, least of all Zuko. The truth had been unmasked: he was—and had been for a while—a man without a home. He had made his decision, chosen his fate. But if he were going to throw his lot in with anyone, it would be those that surrounded him now. That eased his burden more than anything he could try to accomplish on his own.
The memory of Katara staying by his bedside when they were still enemies came to mind, and his heart jumped at the thought. Why does that happen? Why do I bother caring about her still? She doesn't care… He couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't make himself believe something so untrue. She does care. That's why I—Why she's—I mean, it's why…
He exhaled through his nose as they continued to ascend. It didn't make sense. He shouldn't care about her in that way. He shouldn't care that she was beautiful or kind or courageous. He should have been mad when she went against everyone to help strangers—and enemies. He should have been mad when she ignored his orders to leave him behind when she faced Hama. He should, but somehow… Somehow it makes me love her more.
Love.
It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did when she told him no, but Zuko comforted himself with the thought that he had endured pain before—maybe not exactly like this, no, but pain was pain, wasn't it? Regardless, in the end, he needed to be okay with it.
She's kind and fierce and good, so much more than me. He jogged on, wondering what was next for their small group. Help find Suki, maybe. Sokka deserves happiness for as long as he can. Maybe one of us can get a happy ending.
-o-0-
"When else should I think of her? When we win?"
Has he given up? Katara thought, looking at her brother's back as they ran.
There were things they could do. We'll retreat and regroup. Sokka will come up with a plan to give us another chance before Sozin's Comet. And Aang will continue training to face Ozai.
But, as before, the words felt like a lie in the face of their failure.
She didn't blame Sokka for wanting to be with Suki; she was a good influence on him, and she would cheer him up, maybe even help come up with a plan. And if there is no plan…at least they'll have each other for as long as they are able.
Who would she want to spend more time with if she could?
Her words from the night before with Zuko mocked her. She'd had time, plenty of it, and she had chosen to waste it avoiding him and staying quiet. She tried to remember why she thought it was a good idea at the time, but couldn't think of any good reasons.
Who had wanted to spend more time with her? Who had told her she was good? Who had experienced actual evil and reassured her she wasn't?—and why had she not listened harder?
Again, her memories rose up, reminding her of what she had turned away. If I'm willing to ask him to stop me if I get out of control, why did I say no to him? Spirts, why did I say that? The fact was Zuko always tried to do the right thing, even if it went against everything he thought he knew. He didn't deal with half-measures either. Time and time again he was willing to sacrifice himself to protect his friends and stop Ozai.
Spirits, why did I say no?
Yet imagining saying "yes" was like staring into dark water, unable to see what lay beneath the surface: monstrous squidsharks or friendly dol-whales.
If I had more time… Katara reached out and pulled on Zuko's torn sleeve, and he stopped short, his head whipping around to her. Her resolve wilted under his gaze, and she let go.
Up ahead, Toph turned around and called the others to stop as well. "What're you doing?"
Her eyes darted from Toph to Zuko, who was looking around, ready for any danger.
"What is it?" he asked.
Next to Sokka and Toph, Aang asked, "What's going on?"
There was no time, no place, nothing that Katara could do that could ensure a happy ending—if there was one in her future. "Zuko," she said, aware of the preciously little time they had.
He turned to her. Intense were his eyes and expression, so much so that Katara quickly lowered her gaze. He knows what I'm going to say. He must know.
The hardness of his initial question had softened into concern. "We don't have time."
Katara met his eyes again. He looked back at her, and, for once, his thoughts were unreadable. Taking one steadying breath, she began: "I know, but there's never going to be a good time to say it, and I don't want us to waste however much time we have. Sokka's right. You're right. I should have said something better when we talked that time." Zuko frowned, as if he were studying her. "The thing is I…I got scared. I thought if I said 'no' it would be easier just in case one of us…" She let the statement fall for a moment as she shuddered at what could have been, but she picked it back up. "But it's not; it's harder. I'm sorry. I'm…I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "It's okay. We really—" Zuko's eyes widened. " 'Us.' You mean…?" He looked at her, cautious and hopeful.
She nodded, her own feelings matching his expression.
A humble smile formed, slow and small, yet it changed the landscape of Zuko's face into something beautiful and whole. Then Katara felt her own smile begin and swell, and her burning blush radiated out to what felt like her fingertips. Her awareness shrank into a single point of mattering, yet it was as if she understood the world in a new way.
Then, in a flash, his smile disappeared. "We can talk later; we don't have time."
It was her turn to say, "What?"
He turned away from her. "We need to go. Sokka, are we still clear?"
"I don't know," he replied, frustration putting an edge to his words. "We could wait around a while longer and find out. Toph?"
"Despite their little break back there, yeah, we're still good."
Sokka said to Aang, "Get your whistle—Aang!" Katara didn't need to look to know what Aang was doing, but she did. He had been staring at the pair of them, at her, in confusion.
At his friend's call, Aang roused himself. "Yeah, I have it."
"When we get outside, blow it. We need to get to Dad as soon as we can."
They began jogging up the last set of stairs they had descended minutes before: Sokka and Toph in front, followed by Aang, brought up by Katara and Zuko. As they ran, Katara glanced next to her and noticed Zuko keeping one step behind, his eyes going to hers.
When they reached the top, it opened to the small garden as before and the gate leading back to the valley where they had come. A wind greeted them, a welcome cool rush along Katara's warm skin. She had hoped that fresh air would follow—and it was fresher than underground—but there was also ash, dust, and the faintest scent of blood that was more of a feeling than anything else.
Aang blew on his whistle, and they all looked up, awaiting Appa's landing.
A shadow fell over them, large and slow. "No…" Katara heard herself whisper.
A/N: I'm not usually one to draw inspiration from a song when writing, but I will say that I listened to "Eight" by Sleeping At Last on repeat while I was writing the confrontation between Zuko and Ozai. That song so encapsulates Zuko's journey and especially near the end ("I'll show up to the front lines with a purpose...") it's just *chef's kiss*.