Second Year, Part 2

A little over two months later, a real conversation between Severus and Skyrah had yet to take place. It wasn't for lack of trying on his part.

He had soon learned he could count on finding her submerged in a lake made of historical fiction and nonfiction books as well as anthologies of myths and legends. If he settled close to her in the library, she exited the place. It didn't matter that his book was about Roman deities or early wizarding civilizations, carefully selected to start a friendly conversation with her. She always made as if she had other stuff to occupy herself with even when no exams or important assignments were nigh.

During meal times, Skyrah made sure to take a seat only after Severus did, far away, and looked at nothing but her plate through it all. In class, she'd sit as far as possible from him as well, even if it meant picking rows too far from the blackboard. It led him to the conclusion she'd given him an excuse not to sit next to him in their first History class. It pained him and, at the same time, it intrigued him. Why would she do that after having a pleasant conversation with him and admitting she was lonely? Was she afraid of being targeted by the marauders? That didn't explain why she wouldn't talk to him when the marauders weren't nearby, anyway. She made as if Severus wasn't there when they stumbled upon each other in their Common Room, the corridors, the school grounds, and the owlery, another place she frequented. No wonder, considering she spent a lot of time writing letters. To whom, he didn't know. He had managed to ask her once.

"That's a private matter. I do not wish to discuss it with you or anybody else," had been her response.

Bitter. Contemptuous. Dry. Firm. Occasionally sarcastic. Her peers were used to her adopting such tones. The most sensitive students ended up getting profoundly upset after one of her remarks. That one time she'd answered Severus, her voice had come across as tired instead. Sorrowful, even. He'd been tempted to ask her why she behaved the way she did. Lily, however, always found a way to drive him away from Skyrah before that happened, persuaded that Skyrah was untrustworthy, someone who'd only drag him into problems.

Perhaps Lily was onto something. Skyrah could act sourly. Not to mention, her sneer and glower had been perfected.

Severus couldn't bring himself to dislike Skyrah nonetheless. Her keen mind gained Slytherin points. Sluggy was pleased with her academic performance. All their teachers were. Besides, Severus had witnessed something neither Lily nor anyone at school had: Skyrah's smile. Not the mocking kind nor the mirthless, but the charming, genuine kind. If only he were as gifted in the visual arts as he was in potion-making, he'd paint that smile and show it to Skyrah herself. Maybe then she'd remember that kindness did live in her.

"Is anything the matter, Sev?" asked Lily in a low voice. They were sitting at a desk in the library.

"No." But instead of looking at Lily, he was staring at Skyrah, who was sitting at the end of the same table. Engrossed as Skyrah appeared to be in the book on Mayan legends she was reading, experience had taught Severus that, if he sat any closer to her, she'd flee faster than an inferi in front of a wizard who'd just cast a fire-summoning spell.

"C'mon, Sev. You can trust me. You seem... distracted."

He finally turned his head to Lily. Her concerned eyes encouraged him to speak.

"I don't know why Skyrah doesn't talk to me…"

"She doesn't talk much to anyone, and when she does, she's very unfriendly."

"We talked after the Sorting Ceremony. I wasn't friendly to her, not at the beginning, but she was kind to me. I thought we could be friends. The three of us."

"It won't happen. Haven't you noticed? She doesn't like wizards and witches like me: muggle-borns."

He looked down at the Astronomy book he had borrowed and muttered under his breath, "I don't think she's bad. She's never insulted me or made fun of me. Very few people haven't."

"I still think it's a good thing we aren't friends with her. I'm not sure if she uses the m-word, but she doesn't even flinch when Mulciber and his friends do. I sometimes think she hasn't got any feelings. You can never tell what she's thinking. She reminds me of Narcissa Black in that sense."

"I like Narcissa."

Playfully bumping shoulders with him, she asked, "Have you still got a crush on her?"

"Lily!" he spluttered.

His red cheeks got Lily chuckling. Much as she covered her mouth, the noise wasn't completely muffled. A seventh-year who was trying to focus on his tome to prepare his NEWTs shushed them. A whispered apology later, Lily continued her conversation with Severus, minding her volume.

"It'll pass, Sev. You'll realize there are better people for you."

"I haven't got a crush on Narcissa anymore. But I still like talking to her. She smiles at me. So does Lucius."

"Don't let them fool you. I know you say Malfoy helps you, but it's his responsibility as your prefect. His fiancé is kind to you because he treats you decently, but I'm not sure if they care for you. They don't care for you like I do. You deserve to be with people who appreciate you."

Something stirred inside his chest. It was the first time someone said something so nice to him, but he wouldn't cry in front of Lily, or anyone, for the matter (Tobias said crying was for stupid chicks, and he wouldn't like to be viewed as one). Instead, he asked, in a voice much more insecure than he'd have liked, "You truly care for me?"

"Of course, silly! You're my best friend!"

"You're my best friend too."

Lily rewarded him with the kind of smile that made his heart skip a beat. He thought she'd continue with her lunar chart for her Astronomy class when she cleared her throat to ask, "Sev, if you don't fancy Narcissa Black, who's your crush?"

Thankfully, his hair was long enough to cover his burning ears.

"Nobody," he said, hoping she'd leave it there. Although he didn't like lying to Lily, confessing would be even worse. She had just said they were best friends. Whatever he felt was unrequited. He could live with that so long as she was in his life somehow. Besides, if he used to fancy Narcissa and now he fancied Lily, Lily could also grow to fancy him in the future, right?

"I don't believe you. If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

"I'm not playing this ridiculous game."

"It isn't ridiculous. Best friends tell each other secrets like that. I won't tell a soul! I wouldn't betray you." She was met with an awkward silence. "All right. To show you that I've got good intentions, I'll start. It's a third-year student. His name's Frank."

"Longbottom?" Severus grimaced. "He's clumsy and forgetful and…"

"Loyal, brave, and handsome." His shoulders sagged. Severus couldn't deny that, nor compete against good-looking boys, not when he was called ugly day after day. "Your turn, Sev."

"You assumed I had a name to tell," he said, voice rough.

"There's no need to be so shy. I told you I'd keep the secret. Nobody else knows about Frank either."

"I haven't got a crush on anyone," he insisted, looking down at his half-made Astronomy chart.

"Not even on Riddle?"

Severus raised his head to look at her, brow furrowed. "Is that why you asked? You wanted to know if I liked her like that?"

"You stare at her a lot in class. You were staring at her here as well."

"She's clever. I like listening to her answers and questions in class. Is there something wrong with that?"

"We aren't in class now. What's your excuse?"

"I was thinking. I've already told you. I thought the three of us could befriends. Nothing else. Don't you believe me?"

Perhaps because he sounded so offended, she did. "I didn't like your crush on Narcissa Black, but I knew I wouldn't lose you. Riddle's different. I'm worried about you. You might not be crushing on her now, but what if you fall for her and begin to hate me like she hates me? You already like it that she's intelligent, and she's very pretty, even if she doesn't use Tolipan Blemish Blitzer."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'd never want our friendship to wreck, Lily. Ever."

Severus marveled at how much brighter her green eyes became when she smiled.

"You're sweet, Sev."

He was glad she resumed her homework immediately after, for he could feel the blush on his ears extending down his neck, something he'd rather Lily didn't notice. He tried to follow her suit and get his blush under control. Eventually, he succeeded. The problem was that Skyrah came back to occupy his thoughts, hindering his focus on homework. By the time he raised his head, Skyrah was no longer in the library.

Severus and Skyrah didn't cross paths again until he entered their Common Room after dinner. She must have been waiting for him, for she took him by the wrist and dragged him towards a corner far from the entrance. Because of his shock, no sound of protest came out of his mouth. She trapped him between the wall and her body, shooting him the sort of menacing glare Lily often described having seen from Skyrah, one that had never been directed to him until that moment. They were so close he had to look up to meet her eyes.

"I don't like it when they gossip about me, and that's precisely what you and your friend were doing," she hissed.

"You heard us?"

"No, but I know you were talking shit about me by how you kept looking at me. It's fine if you don't like me, but I suggest doing something more productive when you're in the library."

"We didn't say bad things." At her cocked eyebrow, he clarified, "I didn't."

Her expression softened. She took a step back, giving him the chance to escape. There was nothing else she wished to tell him. She'd merely meant to warn him. Still, he stayed. He had longed to talk to her, after all, even if he hadn't imagined these would be the circumstances.

"I don't think Lily's intention was to criticize you," he said, recalling Lily's concern for him.

"Evans hates me."

"Don't you hate her? She's convinced that you hate muggle-borns."

Skyrah opened and shut her mouth repeatedly, scanned the room quickly, and lowered her voice to a whisper, having decided there were too many people who could overhear the conversation.

"I never like it when they whisper behind my back, regardless of the blood status."

"Lily doesn't hate you. I think she's just disappointed with the way you treat some classmates and confused about…"

He touched his chin. She mirrored him and got a bit flustered as soon as she caught what he meant. Her acne was rather mild (yet visible when standing near) and tended to appear a few days before her period. It happened to be one of those days. Despite the fact that she was the tall one, he couldn't help but think she looked small. Severus had observed her. This level of vulnerability, this honesty, was something she had shown only in front of him. To the rest, she was always poised.

"Are you allergic to dragon claws? It's fairly common. I can't think of another reason why you wouldn't use the potion. All our dorms have got jars for us to take."

She bit her bottom lip. For the longest time, she didn't reply, as if she were debating with herself, or measuring the next words to utter. He waited patiently.

"Does everyone talk about this, too?" she asked at last.

"I'm not sure. I don't really talk to many people."

"Evans can't have been the only one who's noticed," she concluded anyway.

"Why does whether they talk about you or not matter to you? You didn't strike me as the kind of person who'd care about anyone's opinions, but the teachers', perhaps. Otherwise, you would be a bit friendlier with our classmates to create a good impression."

"I'm not good at being kind, remember?"

"That isn't—"

"It's the way that I am. I can't help it if our classmates talk about that. But I have the power to change my looks. Do you think I should use some potion even if it makes me feel bad? They'd have one less reason to talk about me. I don't enjoy being the center of attention."

"You are anyway. It's hard to miss you in class when you're so smart. We're surrounded by dunderheads."

"Dunder…" She cut herself off and kept a small laugh at bay. "Again, I can't help it if they talk about my behavior in class. I was a Horned Serpent in my former school, the House of scholars. Pursuing academic excellence is in my nature."

Curious as Severus was about her former school and its Houses, he knew it was not the time to discuss them. He had yet to answer her question. Should she use the potion or not?

"I think everyone will talk about you no matter what you do. It's okay if you don't use Tolipan Blemish Blitzer, especially if you're allergic to one of its ingredients. You of all people don't need a potion to look beautiful. You already are."

His confession baffled him as much as Skyrah, whose mouth had parted. It was no use taking his words back. He didn't want to, either. With her suddenly crimson cheeks and fleshy lips, a bit rosier than usual as well, she looked even prettier.

"Only my mother and my grandmother have ever called me beautiful," she breathed. "I don't really like my looks."

"Why not?"

She averted his gaze before plucking up the courage to admit she wished she looked like her mother.

He didn't dare ask what that meant exactly. Instead, he tried to reassure her to the best of his ability by telling her that Lily had called her pretty too. It wasn't something only her family or himself opined. Given the way Skyrah was twisting a lock of hair, as if trying to perm it and recreate her mother's curls, his words hadn't convinced her. They had, however, brought a smile to her face. It wasn't the kind Severus had seen on their first day at Hogwarts, one that crinkled her eyes and showed her teeth. No. This one was of the unhappy kind.

"Thank you, Severus. Evans is terribly lucky to be your friend."

"You could have been our friend. Mine. You still can."

"No, I can't."

Her smile grew sadder. Severus wondered if she'd start crying like she had on her first day. Thanks to their proximity, he could see her eyes well: they looked like wet earth. Lily doubted whether or not Skyrah had feelings. Severus saw them crystal clear.

"I could change Lily's mind. If she knew you're a kind witch–"

"I told you that you were mistaken about that," she interrupted bitterly, her eyes suddenly dry.

He didn't know what to reply. He only knew that it felt like the end of the conversation. After over two months of seeking one with her, that was not how he wished to end it. So he said the first thing that came to mind for her to stay.

"I won't gossip with Lily anymore. I hate it when they talk about me behind my back too. Sometimes, it isn't behind my back. They don't even hide."

"Do you mean Potter and his lackeys? Always calling you an ugly git. They're a bunch of… What word did you use? Dunderheads."

"They speak the truth, though. I'm disgusting. My greasy hair, my large nose, my…"

He became speechless when her fingertips nearly brushed his cheekbone and tried to step back, only to remember his back was already pressed against the wall.

"What are you doing?" he managed to ask.

"Proving a point. May I?"

He sucked in a breath and felt her palm and each of her fingers settling one by one on his cheek. At first, she stayed still, waiting for him to tell her to stop. He didn't. For being described as someone made of ice, her touch was very warm. She moved her thumb, stroking the skin gently, eyes roaming through his features. He shivered. It wasn't due to the cold in the dungeons. By Merlin. He was so very tempted to shut his eyes. That would help him memorize the pleasantness of the caresses. Nobody had ever touched him like that, so delicately. Not Lily. Not his mother. Much less his father. Only the Slytherin student with a reputation for having a mind as sharp as her tongue, the same one who had avoided him for over two months.

"I d-don't get the p-point."

He gulped, waiting for her to tell him stammering was for the fools. To his surprise, the caresses ceased not.

"Would I be doing this if you were disgusting?"

"I know I'm not good-looking. Y-you don't have to pretend."

She furrowed her brow. "Why would I pretend? What would I gain with that?"

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Unless…

"If this is a prank…"

"Rumors about me circulate. Are any of them about my playing pranks?"

No. Lily would have told him if that were the case. So he exhaled, closed his eyes, and allowed himself to enjoy her warmth despite being aware a few Slytherins had most likely spotted them by then, although they couldn't see what was going on. Only that they were chatting.

"Riddle looked furious when she came into the Common Room. I wouldn't like to be in the boy's shoes."

Severus imagined the Slytherins would say something along those lines. He couldn't bring himself to care. What Skyrah was giving him (a simple caress) was entirely new to him. Only Merlin knew when he'd experience something remotely similar again. Then it was over. Would it be pathetic if he begged her to continue?

"Don't you ever believe what those imbeciles say about you," she said in a tone so soft his classmates, including Lily, assumed she was incapable of using. "Potter's jealous of you, and the rest follow him without questioning his motives."

"It can't be jealousy. I've got nothing. No money, no popularity, no…"

"You've got Evans, and Potter wants her, so he calls you nasty names in hopes she'll believe those things about you and start hanging out with him."

"If so, his strategy keeps failing."

"Not completely. Evans doesn't look as angry as anyone would be if someone insulted their friend."

"Are you implying…"

"She likes Potter. Maybe she doesn't know it yet, or she doesn't admit it to herself, but she does. Why else would she tolerate his attitude?"

He shook his head. "She fancies someone else. She told me."

"Once you lie to yourself, lying to others is fairly easy."

"Lily doesn't like Potter. She hates his guts."

Her eyes studied him. If she were somebody else, he'd have felt uncomfortable. He liked having her attention, though, those eyes on him, the same that dated paintings or parchments within seconds of analyzing them, while he struggled endlessly. All the statues and writings looked the same to him. He wondered what it was that she was seeing in him.

"I hope you're right," Skyrah whispered eventually. "It must be hard to see your crush crushing on your bully."

"Who said anything about Lily being my crush?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"You don't have to say it. You talk a lot about her, remember? You only seem happy when you're with her, and you stare at her a lot in class as well."

She didn't mention how deep the blush on his cheeks was. Yet more evidence. Ironically, he recalled Lily telling him that he stared too much at Skyrah. He didn't mention that either, or else it'd look like he was crushing on Skyrah instead. Or on her and Lily at the same time. That, apart from untrue, would be awkward.

"I'm not going to make fun of you nor tease you about your crush. She's your best friend. It makes sense."

"Wait!" he yelped before she turned to go away. "Don't tell anybody about this. If Potter knew..."

"Contrary to rumors, I'm not that mean. If you don't want others to find out, control your body language." She hesitated before adding, "I hope she learns to cherish you the way you cherish her someday. You deserve to feel cherished for once."

"What makes you say 'for once'?"

"You acted as if nobody had ever touched your cheek before me, touch-starved."

He let out a shaky breath and saw as her face became devoid of any emotion. Uneasy, he watched as she avoided a small bunch of students and headed towards the girls' dorms. Severus leaned against the wall and touched his cheek, reliving the conversation he'd just had with Skyrah.

I'm not going to make fun of you nor tease you about your crush.

Lily had teased him about his first crush. He hadn't liked that. It had made him feel embarrassed. If anything, Skyrah had been comforting, telling him she hoped Lily would cherish him as he cherished his friend simply because he deserved it. Why did Skyrah insist she wasn't good at being kind, again? She could be kind. She just chose not to, most of the time.

Her guesses about having a crush on Lily and being touch-starved were spot on. Skyrah had reached that conclusion after a brief conversation. After years of friendship with Lily, she had never noticed. He couldn't decide if he liked it that Skyrah was so observant she knew him better than Lily herself did, or if he should be afraid of the very same thing. After all, if Skyrah had guessed right about him, she might very well be right about Lily and Potter, and that was not something he was minded to accept.

"You and Miss Riddle make an interesting pair." Severus startled at Lucius's voice. "Are you planning on courting her someday?"

Severus frowned. "No! We aren't even friends! We were only talking."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps you should be friends with her rather than with that Gryffindor girl. Riddle is remarkably intelligent, cunning, perceptive… I suspect she will grow up to be a striking young woman." Severus averted his gaze, ears blazing. "You needn't decide now, Severus. You're young. I'm only telling you that she is far better company than your ginger friend, better suited. Riddle is a Slytherin. She will understand you better than a Gryffindor ever will."

"I don't understand her. She's hiding something from me."

"What, pray tell, do you think she is hiding?"

Her emotions. Her heart. Her kindness.

"I don't know," he lied. He wouldn't tell Lucius when he'd just promised Skyrah he wouldn't gossip about her. "I'll figure it out, sooner or later."

"Of that, I have no doubt. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

Severus watched as Lucius approached Narcissa, who was chatting with her friends near one of the Medieval paintings. It was she who brought his face down towards hers so that she could get a heated kiss. Severus wondered what that felt like. For all he knew, snogging was an exchange of saliva – rather unappealing at first glance. Yet it had to feel wonderful, or Lucius and Narcissa wouldn't be kissing. Nobody would kiss. He'd like to find out just how wonderful it was. It made him feel inadequate when the one he pictured kissing had hair as dark as his own rather than auburn. He blamed it on Lucius and their uncomfortable conversation. He fancied Lily. Skyrah had guessed so, but then again, why did he wish Skyrah had kept touching his cheek and talking to him? Why was the phantom of her warm caresses still haunting him, making the skin she had touched tingle pleasantly?

Skyrah went back to shunning him and acting as if their last conversation had never occurred. In the case that he caught her alone and confronted her about her attitude, she'd remind him that she wasn't at Hogwarts to make friends and that she wished to be left alone. It was the same excuse he'd heard her use whenever Mulciber invited her to play chess with him and his mates, or whenever someone started an innocent conversation in an attempt to get on her good side. The difference was that, with Severus, she didn't snarl. From observing her, he'd learned that the only conversations she tolerated were strictly academic, when a professor asked students to pair up. If the professor allowed them to choose a partner themselves, she always picked a Slytherin. A pure-blood, if possible. Otherwise, solitude was her companion of choice.

Severus himself enjoyed solitude from time to time. It was quiet and peaceful, and it allowed him to think. Still, too much solitude made him feel lonely. Neither he nor anyone liked loneliness. So why? Why did Skyrah choose to be so curt with absolutely everyone? Why did she choose to keep her distance and not make friends? She was an unsolvable puzzle so far. But if there was something Slytherins did, that was attaining their goals. Severus's goal was to figure Skyrah out. Her attempts to avoid him wouldn't stop him. The more she avoided him, the more determined he became.

Lily remained oblivious to his plans. Severus made sure of it. Otherwise, Lily would convince him to stop thinking about Skyrah, something he wasn't sure he could do, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't forget the girl who hadn't been repulsed by him and went as far as caressing his cheek and smiling just for him; the same girl who understood what it was like when someone made you feel small, and who hadn't made fun of him.

He didn't want to.

...

A/N: In case you're confused, I just wanted to say that this isn't a Snily fic. Snape's relationship with Lily will always be platonic. His innocent crush won't last long.

Anyway, hope you liked this installment :)