Fifth year, Part 2
"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"
The onlookers roared as Severus twisted in the air. The blood was rapidly rushing to his head, hindering his attempt at locating his wand and summoning it. Potter was about to go ahead when the chants from the audience abruptly came to an end.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" asked an icy voice Severus identified as Skyrah's. "With all of you. Get out of my sight before I memorize each and every one of your faces and names, and meet with your Head of Houses to explain that you were encouraging such a vile act."
Much as Potter and Black tried to stop the crowd from going away, the students didn't dare test the patience of a particularly clever Slytherin girl that sent shivers down their spines with a single look. Pettigrew wasn't as insistent as his friends. Meanwhile, Lupin stayed under the shadow of one of the trees nearby, reading unperturbed.
Skyrah ran towards Severus. He jerked away from her touch when she tried to put a hand on his cheek. His lips quivered as he fought back tears. A strong impulse to harm those who'd done this to him arose in her. She didn't yield to it, though. I'm not my father.
Squinting at his chin and the corners of his mouth, she asked, "Is that soap?"
He didn't answer. He needn't, anyway.
"Don't worry. I'll take care of this. Of everything." She started by vanishing the remains of soap.
"Leave."
As if.
"Do you know the counter-spell? I'll disarm Potter if not."
"Dammit, Skyrah! Get out of here!"
She took that as a (furious) no. At that moment, she cared little about whether Severus was angry with her or not. Her priority was his well-being. She'd cast a cushioning charm so that he didn't get hurt once released from the jinx, disarm Potter, make sure Severus was physically okay, summon his wand to give it back to him, and deal with the Gryffindor boys. A good plan, if she could've pressed ahead with it. Instead, she was tripping over something invisible, her wand slipping through her fingers.
Severus yelled her name, thrashing about in the air.
When she managed to stand up with scratches on her hands and knee and saw Black pointing his wand at her with a triumphant grin, she understood why she'd fallen over.
"This is what you get when you spoil our fun," he taunted.
"Skyrah, your wand!" cried Severus. "Don't let 'em take away your wand!"
Pettigrew was pointing at it. She got her wand before he got the chance, dodging a hex by an inch. No sooner was she on her feet than a blast of gale-force wind propelled her body against a thick tree trunk. Skyrah didn't hear herself squalling. Severus's yells were louder. Somehow, she'd managed not to lose her wand and to protect herself against a slug-vomiting charm that was directed to her immediately after. Wincing, she stood up.
Potter was still busy keeping Severus in the air. He cheered as Skyrah imagined the Romans did in the amphitheaters while witnessing the slaying of a chimera, only this time she and Severus were the beasts, and, except killing, she expected the worst from the attackers. Amid protegos to defend herself against Black and Pettigrew, she disarmed Potter. The thud from behind her she had expected never came, though. Severus hadn't fallen. A jinx she'd never heard before had gone past Black's lips instead: levicorpus. Now it was Black, the one keeping Severus upside down.
"Expelliarmus!" she shouted again.
It mattered not that Black lost his wand when Potter had recovered his. Severus remained trapped. An unbreakable pattern began: if she disarmed the one in charge of Severus, another one substituted him while the third one attempted to jinx, hex, and curse her non-stop. It turned out they did find a girl to be a worthy rival, that is, as long as she was outnumbered.
"We can spend the whole afternoon like this. What's the matter, Riddle? Don't you know more spells than protego and expelliarmus? Oh, wait! You do, but you can't prove it to us, can you? Afraid we'll tell Professor Dumbledore?"
Skyrah swallowed a 'Fuck you, Black' and resisted the urge to curse them just as she'd like. She'd be in trouble if she gave in. Unlike her opponents, she had to be extremely careful with her choice of spells. Prefect or not, she was still a Slytherin, and Slytherins weren't treated fairly, especially when they fought Gryffindors. Granted, Professor Dumbledore had always supported her, but she'd never messed with his dear Gryffindors. She wouldn't run the risk. A change of strategy was in order. If dueling wouldn't do it, she'd talk the boys into releasing Severus.
"I don't want to fight. Liberate him."
It was the high temperatures (they all were beginning to sweat and pant) that convinced them to stop the attack. Not Skyrah.
"Do it yourself," challenged Potter.
Severus wasn't looking at him – he was still trying to locate his wand. Regardless, he could imagine Potter's arrogant pose and insolent smirk. It made Severus's blood boil. Skyrah's, too.
"I can't, and you know it. You should be ashamed of what you're doing to everyone you hex and bully just for fun. And you, Lupin, will you stay quiet and watch your friends assault a student? What sort of prefect are you?"
Lupin had heard her. Skyrah was sure of it even if he pretended to keep reading. Lupin wouldn't confront his friends for fear of losing his protectors. Therefore, she focused on the rest: Pettigrew (who kept Severus hoisted by his ankle), and Black and Potter (who were pointing their wands at her even though she'd lowered hers).
"I got the message. You won't release him, and you don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. Tell me the counter-spell, and I'll release him myself without disarming you. Maybe then your Head of House will find a reason to lessen the punishment."
"What if we refuse?" Potter said in a mocking tone. "We aren't in our third year anymore, Riddle. We know you better. You won't fight us nor resort to using the Dark Arts we all know you practice. Not in front of us. You wouldn't confirm our suspicions that out of all the Slytherins, you're the most dangerous of all. You don't want to lose your Prefect's badge or be expelled. Assuming that Professor McGonagall will be on your side when Snivelly insulted Evans shows you aren't as smart as they say."
"A verbal offense does not justify your actions. I trust Professor McGonagall will see that."
"Did you hear that, Snivellus? First, Evans. Now, Riddle. Can't you defend yourself?"
"Shut up, Black!" cried Severus, kicking his free leg. "I don't need them! I don't need anyone!"
Potter grinned the only way Voldemort knew. It was the kind of grin that made Skyrah shiver. A dark presentiment grew in her stomach. She didn't think. She trusted her gut and acted, disregarding her guilt about using Legilimency as Voldemort would do with her. There was no barrier to break, no resistance. Potter's thoughts were loud. He'd feel no remorse after ripping Severus's underwear apart and letting him hang upside down. If anything, he was convinced he'd be praised if he 'taught that greasy git a lesson'. And maybe, if others praised him, Evans would see he was a nice guy and give him a chance. Had there been time, Skyrah'd have tried to find the counter-jinx somewhere hidden in his mind. But Potter was too quick for his own good, impulsive, and he was already pointing his wand at Severus.
"It doesn't look like it, Sni—"
Skyrah petrified Potter and his two friends before he could go ahead with the nasty plan. She wanted to believe their teachers would find her actions justifiable, seeing she'd tried reasoning with the boys first. If not, she was ready to face the consequences for cursing students, something prefects weren't allowed to do.
"Don't move a muscle, Lupin. Don't think for a second that you aren't to blame for this. A prefect, one who surely knows the counter-spell, considering with whom he's friends, but who turned a blind eye. What will the headmaster say?" threatened Skyrah, seeing Lupin was retrieving his wand. He held it but used it not. "Severus, it's been a while since I cast the cushioning charm. The effects might have worn off. Did you get hurt when you fell to the ground? I'd turn around and check it myself, but I don't trust Lupin. He might try something while I'm not looking at him." She'd petrify him, too, but he hadn't openly participated, and she could get in trouble for using magic inappropriately. It was then she realized she hadn't heard Severus dropping. Shit. "Are you still trapped?"
"Snape liberated himself as you cast the full body-bind curse," explained Lupin. "It's his own jinx they used against him."
And, she guessed with horror, it had to be the jinx only two days ago Mulciber had meant to show her. She'd dismissed him with the excuse it wasn't the time to get distracted with such things when they had to study for their OWLs. He'd asked her out twice that year. Twice she'd rejected him and reminded him that their chess meetings weren't the moment to flirt. She'd assumed he'd wanted to impress her and ask her out yet again, a scenario she'd dreaded. If only she'd obliged him and learned the jinx and its counter-jinx… Things would have turned out different for Severus.
She saw the tip of Severus's wand from the corner of her eye. It was slightly shaking yet clearly pointing to the petrified boys. Severus took a step forward, positioning himself next to Skyrah. The pain and fury were so all-consuming his whole body shook. His eyes had never been so dark nor held so much loathing.
"Severus…"
He didn't make any sign he'd heard her.
"Severus," she tried again. "Look at me. That's it. Don't look at them. Listen to me. We'll solve this, all right? But you can't hurt them."
"On whose side are you?" he snapped.
"On yours."
"Could've fooled me."
"If you hurt them, you'll be punished."
"Is it my fault that I exist, that they decided to treat me like that?"
"No! Of course not! But–"
"Shouldn't I hurt them as they've hurt me? Are they the only ones allowed to harm someone just because they're Gryffindors?"
The hand that was holding the wand was shaking so much she feared the wand would either slip from his fingers or cast a spell sometime soon. With his unstable emotions, there was no telling how bad the spell could go.
"They shouldn't have done that to you, but hurting them won't play in your favor. You'll be giving them a reason to blame you. You know how it works. They'll distort reality until it seems like their actions were justified. Please don't do that to yourself. You deserve better."
"I want to hurt them. I want to hurt them like I've never hurt them."
Standing so close to him, she easily spotted his glassy eyes. He was fighting back tears. The sight alone made her wish she could tell him to exact his revenge, and that she'd happily join him. Her rational brain stopped her. That plus her boggart. Seeking vengeance was something Voldemort would approve of, something that would turn her into him.
"I understand, but you can't let that feeling guide you. You can do better than that, Severus. You're better than them."
You're better than those dunderheads, she had told Severus in their third year after helping him get Narcissa's book back. She still believes so, he realized in awe. Even when Lily stopped believing in him, Skyrah still did. Before that moment, he couldn't have known that feeling simultaneously betrayed and comforted by the same person was possible.
"You must think of the consequences. Lower your wand, please. We'll tell a teacher, okay? Whomever you feel most comfortable with. Sexual assault is too grave for a single prefect to handle." He flinched despite her soft voice.
"It wasn't that."
"No? What would you call it if they'd been doing this to a girl? To me?" He blanched. "What's going to stop them from doing this to you again, or to someone else, if there are no consequences whatsoever? We shouldn't kid ourselves. They will most certainly punish you for insulting Evans, but it will be nothing compared to what they'll do to Potter, Black, and Pettigrew. They deserve to be expelled."
His wand hadn't lowered, not even an inch. "You can't tell any teacher."
"What they did to you, however you want to label it, was depraved. It can't go unpunished."
"Don't humiliate me further."
"Telling isn't humiliating. Lupin didn't actively participate. Professor Dumbledore will spare him and deal with the rest. I'll defend you. I'll let the headmaster legilimens me if I must."
"I don't want anybody else to know about this. Promise me. Promise you won't tell."
Seeing him so vulnerable, voice wobbly, was the reason she didn't press him anymore and made her promise. She also promised herself to ask Mulciber to stay close to Severus, hoping that would be enough for the marauders not to assault Severus again.
In the end, not only did Severus lower his wand at last but also give it to her, not trusting himself with it.
"I don't want you to deduct points or give them detention. They don't care about such things. I just want them out of my sight before I do something I'll regret."
Skyrah respected his wishes and addressed Lupin coldly. "I'm going to release them. After that, you'll forget this ever happened. You won't brag about this. You won't talk about this amongst yourselves or with others."
"You'll let us all leave?" asked Lupin, wide-eyed. He was too far to have heard the hushed conversation that had just taken place between the Slytherins. "Why? You could've given us some sort of punishment. Apart from, ugh, the incident with Snape, they disobeyed a prefect, and they attacked you as well."
"I'm perfectly aware," she said, snorting at the word 'incident' as a way to describe the facts. "They have been in detention a thousand times and lost even more points throughout the years. Why should I think doing that will solve anything? Now, if you don't want to lose your prefect badge, something I know matters to you, I suggest having a serious talk with your friends to make sure something similar doesn't happen again."
She waited until after Lupin nodded to utter the counter-spell. Pettigrew was too scared to speak. Black cursed under his breath, probably insulting Skyrah.
"Do you think you've done the right thing, Riddle? Snivelly will become a Death Eater! By helping him, you've proved to us that you'll also become one," Potter told her.
"What happened today proves nothing of the sort," she replied matter-of-factly.
"Doesn't it? I'm not the one saving the arse of the bastard who called Evans that foul name."
"I didn't mean it," said Severus, his voice suddenly weak. "I didn't mean to call Lily that."
"I don't believe you. Evans won't believe you. She'll never forgive you. You showed your true colors at last."
Severus clenched his fists.
"Let me ask you something," said Skyrah, regarding the marauders. "Did you enjoy what you did to Severus? You must have if you reckoned I'd spoiled the fun."
"It was fun," Black confirmed.
"If you think so, the only obvious difference between all of you and Death Eaters is that you won't have a mark on your arm, because both you and Death Eaters take pleasure in the sufferings of others."
"Have you heard her?" asked Potter, uttering a laugh. "She dares compare us with that scum! She's delusional!"
"Will you give me a solid counter-argument or will you only insult me?"
"We don't believe in that blood nonsense and we don't use Dark Magic," said Black, rolling his eyes as if he were dealing with an ignorant child.
"You don't need Dark Magic to bring pain to others, which is, perhaps, worse. You bully those who have your beliefs about blood and those who don't. Do you honestly reckon Severus would think muggles and muggle-borns are inferior to him if he's been friends with Evans for years?" She turned her attention to Potter before anyone could contradict her. "Speaking of Evans, if you want her to like you enough to date you (and we all know you'd like that), start by growing up, accepting your mistakes, and being more humble. You don't meet any girl's standards, not even hers."
Offended, Potter raised his wand at her, his teeth bared.
"Prongs, don't," recommended Lupin. "I don't like Riddle, but she's letting us go without any punishment. We should leave before she changes her mind, and do exactly as she says. I didn't do anything after Snape called Evans that, or when you tried to hex Riddle, another prefect. Riddle's the kind of person who'd use that against me."
As Potter lowered his wand, he made sure to look at Skyrah with pure aversion.
"This isn't over," he warned.
"I swear," hissed Severus. All save for his voice was still trembling. A picture of Skyrah being led through a tunnel and ending up face to face with a werewolf was making him feel even worse. "If you target Skyrah as you target me, you'll regret it. Mulciber, Avery, Rosier, and I will make your life a living hell. Leave."
Pettigrew and Lupin (the former out of fear, the latter out of common sense) dragged Potter and Black away, despite their obvious inclination to keep the conversation going and maybe throw around more hexes.
Skyrah let out a big breath and returned Severus's wand. A moment of awkward silence followed. What was one supposed to say after something like that anyway?
"I don't know if Mulciber, Avery, and Rosier care enough about me to do as you said, but thank you nonetheless. It says a lot about your persona that, even after going through something like that, you still think of others, of me. You're very noble," she started, choosing to go for something positive. It worked, for he relaxed enough to establish eye contact. "Does anything hurt? I could get you a balm or–"
"I'm fine."
No, he wasn't.
"Do you need me to get you a calming draught? I won't tell Madam Pomfrey anything. I'll say it's for me, that I'm feeling anxious about tomorrow's OWLs."
"No."
"Severus, don't take this the wrong way, but you look agitated. I don't blame you, not at all, but I'm afraid this could affect your OWL results, your future. You should take a break, relax for an hour or two, review for tomorrow's exams, and get a good night's sleep. Drink some sleeping draught if you must."
"I can't do that. Lily. I need to find her. I need to talk to her and apologize."
"Is it the right timing? She'll want to focus on her OWLs."
"I didn't mean it. She needs to know. She won't understand it if I don't try to explain."
"As you wish… Before you go, did you choose not to wear trousers today?"
He blushed, and his voice came out as a shy whisper, but he stood his ground. "I had no choice. I couldn't find them this morning. I only own one pair. The house-elves wash them at night and have them ready for me in the morning. I figured they'd suffered a mishap. It's hot today, so I thought it wouldn't matter. Potter must have planned this all along. I'm fairly certain they vanished my trousers."
She suspected as much as well, given the turn of events. She didn't insist on it, though, choosing to focus on a potential solution instead. "Hogwarts has got extra uniforms for families that can't afford them. With a few transfiguration spells, they should fit. The house-elf Flossy's in charge of that. You'll find her in the Kitchens. She'll lend you a pair of trousers so long as you have permission from the headmaster, a teacher, the Head Boy or Girl, or a prefect." He looked away. "Severus, asking for help isn't shameful, okay? Your situation's far more common than you believe."
He snorted. "So common I'm the only low-class half-blood in my dorm. None of my dorm mates have ever been hungry, or cold, not like I have. All of them are filthy rich pure-bloods."
"A coincidence. It isn't the first time I've offered to write a note for Flossy."
"It must have been for a non-Slytherin student."
"One Ravenclaw. Five Slytherins. You'd never say they are in need, they mask it well, but you aren't alone in this. It makes sense. Who else would have more ambition than those who've suffered the most and want to change their lives? I have nothing but deep respect for you." His face contorted as if he meant not to cry in front of her. After the humiliation he'd suffered, being told he was respected was unexpected and overwhelming. "Flossy knows how to keep secrets, and so do I. Shall we go to the Kitchens together?"
"I don't want to go with you," he snarled, making her cringe.
"That's okay. Have you got a quill, some ink, and parchment?"
Without looking at her, he summoned a bag she hadn't noticed was on the ground and retrieved what she'd asked of him. She used the trunk of a tree as a support to write the note. Later, she returned his possessions and handed him the piece of parchment.
"Do you need anything else? If I can give it to you, I will. I'll help you."
"Will you?" he asked, his tone mocking. "The last time I asked something out of you, you did exactly the opposite. You weren't supposed to intervene. You promised me you wouldn't. I hope this time you keep your promise not to tell anyone what happened today."
"Seve–"
"I don't want to see you! You're nothing but a two-faced liar!"
He set off towards the castle. The more desperately she called his name, the more his pace quickened. She took the hint and let him go as a feeling of helplessness came over her.
The first thing Skyrah heard was the sound of swift footfalls.
The second thing: a sniffle.
The third: his voice, sharp and cutting, asking why she was there.
"I figured you'd come here," explained Skyrah, standing by the entrance of the Room of Requirement. "How did it go?"
Severus looked away, which was another way of saying dismally. Lily hadn't forgiven him. The only good news was that his legs weren't bare anymore.
"Look, I don't know what exactly you need right now, so if you need space, I'll leave you alone. But if you need someone, I can be that someone. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I can just be there for you. Whatever you decide, do what you think you need to do to feel better."
"I made it clear I didn't want to see you again," he said, not with the snark she'd expected but bewildered.
"You also said I'm a two-faced liar. I haven't forgotten it. I need to have a good memory to remember all those 'boring' History facts," she said in a light-hearted tone, almost joking. He didn't laugh. Not that she expected him to. She had only meant to show him that she wasn't angry with him.
"We aren't friends. Why are you here?"
"You don't need to be friends with someone to help them out. Evans may not have given you another chance after you lashed out at her, but I'm not her. I understand why you took that tone with me, and I'd like to explain why I acted the way I did and to apologize if I've brought you pain and shame. I also suspect you aren't as angry with me as you want me to believe, or you wouldn't have told them all that they'd regret it if they target me. You're just worried about those jerks bullying me. It's the reason you didn't want me to tell them off during the year, and the reason you feel betrayed I intervened today. You weren't okay and blew up. You didn't mean to hurt me. If you don't wish to be alone now, let me be with you."
His lips quivered as he stared at her, not unlike the way they had when he'd been upside down.
What about the deal? he almost asked. If he'd done it, Skyrah would have most likely changed her mind and left. He still craved to spend time with her. He still thought about her when he woke up and when he went to sleep. He even fantasized about holding her hand, dancing with her again, and laughing alongside her. He'd think about their first kiss and wonder if she also cherished the memory. He wouldn't say no to being with her now that she was offering. He paced in front of the entrance, and the door opened for him.
By the sound of his footsteps, she knew even without peeking inside that the Room had transformed itself into the place where she learned to dance. As the door hadn't closed after him, Skyrah took it as an invitation to enter. She waited for instructions in silence, watching him. Another sniffle. His shoulders shook. One second he was standing, showing his back to her, and a second later, he was falling to his knees. Skyrah was kneeling in front of him immediately after, enfolding him in her arms. At first, Severus felt the urge to push her away.
"Riddle despises muggle-borns, just like you. Go with her, as you've always wanted, and forget me. Just stop hurting me."
Lily's voice was clear in his mind. She wouldn't like to see him with Skyrah, but how was he supposed to get away from the girl when her hug was so supporting, comforting, and, oh, so warm? Support. Comfort. Warmth. That was what he'd lacked in his life and longed for, what he needed now more than ever.
"Let it all out," he heard Skyrah whisper as she caressed the hair the marauders jeered at. Greasy. Unwanted. Pathetic. "That's it. Don't repress your feelings. It's okay to cry. It's okay, Severus."
She kept hugging him even after he had cried all his tears and his eyes had completely dried. While crooning to him, she rubbed his back the way he thought a mother would with her distressed child. Eileen had never held him like that. If she'd sung to him, it had been while still in her womb, or shortly after coming out of it, for he had no idea what her singing voice was like. At any rate, it couldn't be as soothing as Skyrah's. He understood why Skyrah sang the Irish lullaby to feel safe. Despite its simplicity, its effects were balsamic, no different to the ointments she had applied on his bruises in September, only now it was his soul she was mending with her voice. If any of his dorm mates had been there, Severus would've felt embarrassed to show this side of him. But this was Skyrah. The one who saw him for whom he truly was. She knew more about him than Lily or the Malfoys did, and she still wasn't afraid of him, nor did she feel repulsed by his poverty and ugliness and weaknesses. She accepted him. Being so vulnerable didn't come easy, but in Skyrah's arms, he felt safe to do so.
"Do you need to talk about it?" she asked softly, long after having hit the last note of the melody.
"I fucked up and she doesn't accept my apologies. What is there to discuss?"
"I think Evans is too hurt to see things with perspective. Why don't you give her a few days?"
"She doesn't want to see me or listen to me. Not now. Not ever again."
"You didn't want to see me either, and now I'm hugging you." Severus blushed. Skyrah could tell because his cheek was warm against hers. "You could write to her as you did with me. I admit you'll probably need to write her something more elaborate than 'I am very sorry', but it's worth a try."
"It won't work."
"You can't know that. You haven't written an apology note yet. I know your friendship with her hasn't been perfect, but you care deeply about her. She cares about you, too, and if she cares, she'll forgive you."
"She doesn't care about me anymore."
"How can she not? You've been friends for… How long?"
"Since before starting Hogwarts, but that doesn't matter. When Potter was…" He gulped. "Lily didn't show concern for me or assure me that she'd help me. She was talking to him all the time."
"She might have thought that, by talking to Potter, she'd convince him to leave you alone. I also talked to him."
"You tried to disarm them all. Lily didn't. She didn't even have to disarm them. I taught her the jinx and counter-jinx. It'd have been so easy to release me. They wouldn't have attacked her. When Potter used my spell on me, I saw her face twitch. She was going to smile, to laugh at me, like everybody else was doing. Why would she do that if she cared? I hadn't called her that name yet. She could've stopped it all. Was that her way of flirting with Potter?"
Skyrah was at a loss of what to say for a moment. "I don't know why she found the situation funny. It wasn't. You aren't the only one who should apologize. It was wrong of her." She waited for Severus to defend Lily, but he didn't. By the time Skyrah had broken her promise, Severus had already felt betrayed by Lily. He was still hurt. "Evans might have wanted Potter to release you himself to teach him some manners and humility. It sounds to me like something a Gryffindor would do."
Severus snorted. "When everyone was laughing at me?"
"They laughed at you because they're cruel."
"And because of my pants."
Old.
Graying.
Revolting.
"They weren't laughing at your pants but your social class. If somebody uses such underwear, it's because they can't afford something better. You can't choose the family you are born into: rich, poor, or somewhere in between. Everything they did and said was immoral. The only reason I haven't told any professor is that I promised you I wouldn't. I'm not planning on disappointing you again."
He let out a sob and hugged her a bit tighter as if he meant to thank her for that but couldn't find the words to do so, as if she'd slip through his fingers as quickly as Lily had.
"I didn't mean to call her a mud... that. I didn't mean it. I felt so humiliated that I wasn't thinking. I didn't want her to see me like that. I didn't want you to see me like that. You're here. Only Merlin knows why you're here. But Lily isn't. I've lost her for good."
"You don't know that yet. Let her mull over everything and take her OWLs. When everyone's calmed down, you'll be able to talk to her and prove that you didn't mean it with words and actions."
"Actions? She doesn't like my dorm mates, but I can't avoid them all the time, and I don't want to anyway. When I'm not with them, these things happen. I wasn't even looking at Potter or Black. I was minding my own business. They picked on me because they were bored and I exist."
"So help her understand that. Once, you told me Evans is the kindest person you know. She'll come around once she learns the whole truth. Don't give up on her yet, please."
"Why do you care so much whether I'm friends with her or not?"
Her rubbing motion stopped short.
Because I care about you. These words were on the tip of her tongue. She didn't say them, though. Wouldn't they imply she was friends with him? Friends were a luxury she couldn't afford.
"Did she tell you she tried talking to me at the beginning of the year?" Skyrah asked instead. "She wanted us three to be friends. She was willing to give me a chance despite our past. She did it for you. She was being a good friend then. A brave one. I'd hate it if you lost someone like that."
"She told me you made her feel..." Like shit.
"I was obnoxious. I meant to keep her away from me, not from you. Never from you, Severus."
"Are you blaming yourself?"
"You fight because of me. She said so in the Infirmary."
"We constantly fight over Mulciber, Rosier, Avery, and the Malfoys, too."
"She's afraid of them, but she hates me. I made sure of it. She caught us holding hands. I shouldn't have—"
"Shouldn't have what? Treated me like a human being?"
Skyrah broke eye contact with him, uneasy. Of course she didn't regret treating him well. She regretted the consequences.
"Our friendship began deteriorating before she saw us holding hands, before the Lunar Ball. It wasn't your fault, Skyrah. You didn't call her a—" A sob tore from his throat.
He clung to her as if she were the only thing keeping him sane in this world. Skyrah went back to rubbing his back in soothing circles, waiting for him to keep talking and get everything off his chest. He cried until he had no more tears to shed and freed himself from her embrace. Oh, her arms around him were the safest, warmest place, but there was something they had to discuss, and he needed to look her in the eye for that.
"I trusted you. I trusted you more than anyone else in this damn school. And then you went and broke the promise. I told you to get away. You ignored me, and those scumbags attacked you. You got hurt, dammit! Why didn't you just do as I said?"
"Get angry. Insult me. Curse me. Kick me out of here. I won't stop you. Even if you do all that, I'll be glad I was there to help you," she said, resolute. "I knew I'd hurt you by breaking the promise. It was a risk I was willing to run. I'd rather break a promise than allow something so sick to happen before my very eyes. They were hurting you more than I could ever do by betraying your trust. Do you think I wouldn't have liked it if Evans had truly helped you? Or if Rosier had passed by and confronted them all? I wouldn't have had to get involved. But they weren't there for you. I was. I had to do something. I only meant for them to stop. I wasn't counting on them defying a prefect and everything escalating the way it did."
"I warned you. I told you they wouldn't always be afraid of you."
"I remember, but I didn't care about that. I wasn't thinking about myself. I was thinking about keeping you safe. Nothing else mattered. Not your trust in me. Not my own safety, but yours."
His gaze took her breath away for a moment. He was looking at her in grateful adoration and a touch of disbelief that someone would put him first.
"I'm deeply sorry my decision hurt you. I just tried to do the best for you. I'll understand it if you think I did wrong and you mistrust me from now on."
With every passing second in silence, she got more and more anxious. Albeit she hadn't cared about his approval when she'd decided to step in and aid him, now she hoped to get it if only not to add her betrayal to his list of pain.
"I'm glad you took the risk. I needed the help. I'm thankful you saw it before I did. You see me."
A sound that resembled a sob escaped her as she pounced on him. To hug him again, he'd expected. It caught him off guard when he felt her warm breath against his cheek and the subtle caress of her lips against it, followed by an unmistakable smacking sound. It occurred to Severus that she hadn't realized she'd kissed his cheek until after she drew back, when she spotted his fingers brushing the place her lips had been.
Before he could inquire about the kiss, she continued, "I do, despite not being friends. Don't forget that I see you." Severus was tempted to thank her with a cheek kiss just as she'd done with him. It was the only way he could think of that could make her feel as valued as she was making him feel. A part of him hoped she'd turn her head just enough for their lips to meet. He had no time for that, though, for she kept talking. "I wish I could've done more for you."
"You did more than enough. Merlin knows what would have happened if you hadn't been there."
The emotion that had been visible on her face all this time disappeared. Before Severus was the Skyrah their classmates knew, not the Skyrah he'd got to know and fall for.
"Why are you occluding? What is it you're hiding?"
She could've played dumb. She was a good actress. Yet she had no desire of lying to him, and so he got the truth: whatever it was she was keeping from him, it was for his sake. Her impeccable skills prevented him from discovering the concealed piece of information. Still, the more he mulled over it, the clearer his thoughts became.
"You know what would have happened," he concluded. "How? What would have happened to me?"
"You're better off not knowing."
"I'm better off knowing the truth and hearing it from the person I trust the most."
In spite of her Occlumency, she still felt a tinge of warmth in her chest when he said he trusted her again. He must have truly forgiven her.
"It'll hurt you."
"I'm still entitled to the truth. Please don't occlude. I could've occluded, too, instead of crying. I didn't want to hide from you, and the thought that you would… I know you believe you're protecting me, but I'm asking you for the truth. Don't keep it away from me, please."
So her mask fell, and the worry on her face was so palpable he began to worry himself.
"I legilimenced Potter and saw what he intended to do to you, so I petrified him and his friends."
He paled. "They were going to do it, weren't they? They were going to vanish my underwear or rip it. They'd have seen… You'd have… Merlin, if you hadn't broken the promise, it'd have happened in front of–"
"But it didn't," Skyrah cut in, taking his hand. His face was contorted in pain. "I didn't let him do that to you. I just wish I'd been there to stop it all from the beginning. I should've cursed them earlier and accepted the consequences, to hell with my father."
"What does he have to do with this?"
"He wants me to be powerful, a leader. In a school setting, that translates into becoming a Prefect and Head Girl. If I'd known the marauders would go so far, I'd have cursed them from the very beginning and told Professor Dumbledore to make someone else a Slytherin prefect if the protocol required it."
"What would your father do to you if you lost your badge, if you weren't the leader he wants?"
Skyrah shrugged. Her reluctance to say more told Severus everything.
The cruciatus curse is more his style.
He let go of her hand. "Why the bloody hell would you even consider crossing that monster for me?"
For the same reason she helped him in their third year, and agreed to be his Ball date, and visited him in the Infirmary this year. Not that she'd tell him that.
She shrugged. "I can take it."
"Do you think I enjoy the idea of you being in pain? I don't want you to take it." He sighed. She wouldn't give him an answer. That much was clear. "Does your back hurt? They were brutes."
"I already applied some balm. Worry not about me, okay? I'm fine."
He gave a slow nod. After all, he'd hugged her tightly and not once had she flinched in pain. "It was clever of you to threaten the werewolf. I think he'll do as you asked, and convince them all not to talk about this and not to test your patience, but Merlin, if it doesn't happen... I don't want you to go through what I do."
"If it doesn't work and I become their newest prey, I still won't regret having helped you out."
"I would. What if they do to you what they did to me? What if I'm not there to stop them before it's too late?"
"Lupin won't let this get out of hand. Being a prefect looks good in your CV. It shows leadership skills. He'll talk to his friends and convince them not to mess with me anymore because, if not, I'll make sure he loses his badge. He needs it to have better job opportunities. The unemployment rate is high amongst his kind. He can't keep his condition a secret forever."
"I don't pity him at all."
"After what I've seen today, me neither."
Severus took her hand again, craving for more of her touch, and caressed the back of it. At last, someone who wasn't repulsed by the idea of his touch. She seemed to welcome it, even.
"I'm sorry if I came across as ungrateful when I called you a two-faced liar."
"You were agitated and nervous and embarrassed, and there was some truth in your words. There's nothing to forgive."
Timidly, he squeezed her hand. He was so captivated by her smooth skin and the sight of their hands together he nearly missed her question of whether they'd learned the jinx from him or not.
"I used it on them once, non-verbally."
"How come they knew the incantation?"
"I taught the spell to Lily, Mulciber, Avery, and Rosier."
None of whom would have taught Potter and his gang, at least, consciously. An exchanged look and Severus and Skyrah reached the same conclusion: one of them had used the verbal incantation on someone, and it had somehow reached the marauders. It was a lesson learnt. He wouldn't share more of his spells like that.
"They used my own spell to humiliate me further," he muttered with a grimace.
"Look at it from a different perspective: as they are incapable of inventing their spells; they need to use yours. You're a highly intelligent boy. No matter how much they try to humiliate you, they'll never take that away from you." Skyrah stared at his sparkling, grateful eyes and cleared her throat before getting lost in that dark color that had always captivated her. "Shall we review for tomorrow's exams?"
"Together?"
"If you want to."
"I want to. History and Potions, precisely. We'll ace them if we collaborate today."
Skyrah smiled. For the first time that day, so did Severus.