Fifth year, Part 3

After the OWLs were over, rumors about Severus begging Lily to forgive him and threatening to spend the night by Gryffindor's Tower spread faster than fire. Skyrah hadn't believed them at first. Why would Severus draw attention to himself when he'd made Skyrah promise not to tell anyone what had happened? It wasn't until she sat down on the benches to watch the final Hufflepuff versus Slytherin Quidditch Cup that Skyrah considered the rumor could be true, for he wasn't there. He must have been so ashamed he didn't even feel like cheering his team on their last day of school.

Skyrah went back inside to check out the Room of Requirement, Great Hall, library, and Slytherin Common Room. No sign of Severus. The castle was empty. Even the ghosts were part of the Quidditch match spectators. The only place unchecked was the dormitories. In theory, she had no permission to go to the boys'. Yet, for a reason Skyrah couldn't fathom, only the girls' were protected with spells to avoid male intrusions. It was the perfect moment to show the certain disregard for the rules she had inherited from Salazar Slytherin himself.

By the time she opened Severus's dorm door, she was panting. Severus brought his hand to his chest. He was seated on his bed in what looked like pajama bottoms so old the fabric was too thin and the color too dull. None of his scars were visible. Skyrah's gaze lingered on his skin for too long, roaming from his chest to the line of hair that went down towards his crotch.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, looking at his face at last. His eyes were puffy and reddish. "I've been looking for you. I didn't mean to startle you. I shouldn't be here, I know, but it wouldn't be the first time, and nobody needs to know." It occurred to her she should be asking him to cover himself up, but she figured he'd have already done so if he'd wanted to.

"Why were you looking for me?"

She sat by him. "Are the rumors true?"

"Most likely."

"Evans hasn't forgiven you yet?"

"No. Not even after the last OWL, when the stress was over. She tore the note I wrote to her and she won't talk to me."

"I'm sorry you're going through this." By how she said it, he could tell she had once lost a friend too and had deep regret. What he couldn't tell was whether he or someone else was the lost friend. She never really talked about her first year in the American School after all.

"Sorry won't make it better. This–" He gestured at them. "–won't make it better. You aren't helping me."

"I thought I was making you feel a bit better just by being here."

"You are, and you aren't. You always do the same. You smile at me and make me feel good and seen, and then you act as if I'm nothing to you. You help me when I need it, but when I want to sit by your side and have a conversation while having dinner, or during breaks between or after exams, you barely look at me."

"We still have a deal—"

"You didn't care about it after our Defense OWL."

"I did. As your prefect, I'd have helped any other student in your situation."

"Was your waiting for me by the Room of Requirement part of your prefect's duty too? Holding me while I sobbed? Singing me a lullaby?" he mocked.

Emotions moved over her face, one after the other: hurt, shock, insecurity, fear and, lastly, resignation. No occlumency covered them.

"You're right. They weren't. It won't happen again."

"For the love of… How can you be so observant and fail to see that what you did outside your duty didn't bother me? I'd give anything for you to pull out of the bloody deal! I'd give anything to sit next to you in class, have lunch and hang out with you, and do our homework together. You show me glimpses of the life I so desperately long to have. Then you disappear, and it hurts."

"What am I supposed to do? Being seen with me won't help you get Evans back."

"Is that the only reason?"

Her silence was loud and clear.

"Get out." It was supposed to be an order, to be said coldly and firmly. Instead, he was begging, so wounded he could only whisper.

"This is why we can't be friends," she said in a soft voice, aware that it did little to improve the situation. What she had to say was unpleasant for them both. "I hurt you even when I don't mean to. If we became friends, the pain would be unimaginable."

"I disagree."

"Severus–"

"Has it ever crossed your brilliant mind that I wasn't living before you either? Lily made my existence bearable. With you, I feel alive. I've just lost Lily, but you're the one I miss the most. For Merlin's sake, I enjoyed studying History after one of the hardest moments of my life because you were with me! I've been thinking about you even before I asked you to be my date for the–"

"Don't bring that up. Just don't," she muttered in a warning tone.

"So you can break the deal but I can't?"

"The deal was to act as if the Ball had never happened, to never bring it up. I've done my best for it not to fall through. I expect you to do the same. Do you think it's been easy for me? At least, you had Evans. I've had no one all this time."

"Because you push everyone away. You push me away."

"I've got no choice! There's too much suffering in your life already! I'd only add to your pain!" He let out a small gasp at her unexpected, uncontrolled outburst. She was breathing hard, her heart over her aching chest. "I can only exist. Not live! Never live! I'm not free to do that! I shouldn't even be talking to you!"

"If so, why are you still here?"

He only realized she'd pecked his lips when she went in for a second, longer kiss. He shouldn't give in. He'd hurt even more when she deserted him, but her lips were so smooth, and her hands on his nape and bare chest so insecure yet tender. Nobody had ever touched him with such adoration. How could he do anything but surrender to her with a sigh? He didn't want the pleasant feeling inside his ribs to ever end. He settled his hands settled on her waist and kissed her back, still confused about the mechanics of kissing and whether she liked the way he molded his lips against hers as much as he did. It was so pleasant, so perfect…

So short.

He didn't dare move, much as he wished for their lips to meet again. Her warm hands stayed on his bare skin; their foreheads, pressed together. With her index finger, she traced a pattern on his shoulders and chest. He tensed, and she stopped. He withdrew one hand from her waist and brought it on top of hers so that she'd continue. She was caressing his invisible scars. Oh, Merlin. She remembered the exact shape and location despite having seen them just once. He felt as if she were trying to tell him that she saw all of him, even the parts hidden by magic, and that not an ounce of him revolted her.

"I'm still here because no matter what I do to push you away, you're the first person I think about when I wake up, and the last when I go to sleep. Despite having kept secrets from you, you're the only one who knows me for who I am, and not for the role I play. I long to spend time with you because, when I'm with you, I forget about everything bad in my life and feel good about myself. I have a big desire to see you and make you smile. You look so handsome when you smile."

Hearing Lily say she cared for him years ago had touched him. Skyrah's confession didn't compare. Just when he thought he couldn't be more in love with her, she proved him wrong. He had no control over his mouth muscles. He was grinning so broadly he must have looked silly, and yet, he couldn't stop. Nor did he want to. She was fond of his smile. It was the first time he felt this joyful, and he'd relish every moment. Had Skyrah felt like this when he'd confessed there was nobody else he'd slow dance with, right before their first kiss?

"I feel all that." She drew back so that they weren't touching anymore. "But I shouldn't."

Just as quickly as she'd filled him with joy, she'd stolen it from him. He'd lost Lily, and he was losing Skyrah even before he'd had the chance to have her, to be friends with her, and, dare he dream of it, something more than friends.

"I asked you to forget about me and the Lunar Ball because I can't forget you, and I'm terrified I'll do something I'll regret. I don't mean to confuse you. I can't get close to anyone. But I can't not do anything when you're in pain. That's why I always find my way back to you, why I'm still here. I'm not strong enough to fight this need to take away your pain. I need you to be okay. I'm not here to replace Evans, or to become your friend. I'm here because I need to comfort you. Let me comfort you, please."

He curled his body, hugging his flexed knees. "You can't, not after everything you're telling me."

"Try me. What do you need to feel better?" she asked bashfully.

"A real friend."

He hoped the vulnerability he wasn't concealing would be enough for her to realize he just needed her company and support. Honeyed words when he was feeling down. A smile. More sweet kisses and caresses, if it wasn't being too greedy.

She left.

It hurt just as much as losing Lily, the only difference being nobody would comfort him with hugs and lullabies for this loss.

Replaying the scene in his mind while lying in bed, he realized Skyrah's skin was as impeccable as it had been on the Lunar Ball day. She hadn't stopped using his potion. She'd kept his present and learned to use it without succumbing to her anxiety. He felt oddly proud of her. She may not be ready to be his friend, but she was overcoming her fears little by little. It gave him hope someday her speech would change, and she wouldn't be afraid of being his friend. That alone inspired him to overcome his fears, too. He'd go to the Quidditch pitch and face his peers. To hell with rumors.

"Evans, may I talk to you? Alone." Skyrah ignored the wary look Lupin sent her from his seat beside Lily, who pretended to be focused on the match. Skyrah cleared her throat and insisted it wouldn't take long.

Lily turned her head towards Skyrah at last. She had bags under her eyes. The end of her friendship with Severus was being hard on her. Skyrah viewed that as a glimmer of hope.

"Wouldn't that be a waste of your breath?"

"Not today."

"You refused to talk to me when I wanted to start anew and become your friend," Lily reminded her. Lupin raised his eyebrows.

"That's true, but this is more important than any resentment you may feel towards me."

"I don't trust you."

"I'm not against having this conversation here, with your prefect next to you. I didn't come here to harm you."

With a look, Lily asked Lupin to succor her.

"From the Prefects' meetings, I've learned that Riddle's stubborn," he said. "She won't leave until you talk to her. I won't participate in the conversation, but I'll be with you."

Lily nodded reluctantly and waited for Skyrah to speak. She didn't make space for Skyrah to sit even if, technically, another person could sit by her if she got close enough to Lupin.

"It's about Severus." Lily craned her neck to see if she spotted him eavesdropping nearby. "You won't find him here. He doesn't know I'm talking to you. You should give him a second chance. He's got a good heart."

"I used to believe so."

"You can't imagine how much he regrets what happened that day. You're his only friend."

"Were. Not are."

"You had a huge misunderstanding, but he needs a friend."

"He already has Mulciber, Rosier, Avery, and the Malfoys. Plenty of friends."

"He needs you."

"Stop. Just stop. I'm not interested in anything you have to say about him."

"You're hurt. I understand–"

"No. You don't understand. You can't. You aren't a muggle-born."

Skyrah pursed her lips. "I can't understand how it feels to be called that word because my parents aren't muggles, but I understand pain. You're in pain, and Severus is in pain. What for? Wouldn't it be better to have what you used to have? Weren't you happier back then?"

Lily croaked, "We can't go back to that."

"Not with your attitude."

"He isn't the boy I thought he was. I've given him too many chances. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of him flirting with Dark Magic and hanging out with those who openly say my kind is filthy. I'm tired of flinching every time he rolls his sleeves up to brew a potion, afraid of seeing a skull and a snake there. I'm tired of tricking myself into believing he didn't mean it when he calls everyone of my birth mudblood. I can't live like that. It hurts too much, and I deserve better."

"Why don't you have faith in him?"

Lily shifted a tad closer to Lupin. "A proficient manipulator has his heart. If he had to choose between that person and me, he'd choose her."

I've already lost you. I can't lose Lily. Though I sometimes wish it was the other way around. I sometimes wish I had lost Lily and kept you.

I've just lost Lily, but you're the one I miss the most.

Severus had told Skyrah that. Lily was correct. The confirmation brought some color to Skyrah's naturally pale face. If Lily noticed, she kept it to herself, just like she'd done by not revealing Skyrah's name as Severus's manipulator and crush. She must have aimed to protect her former friend. Lupin was listening, after all. It was a detail Skyrah didn't miss. Lily still cared.

"You don't have to let that person come between you and him."

It looked like Lily was about to say something but thought twice about it, biting her lower lip as if physically keeping the thought inside. "Even if she weren't in the picture, he'd have said that word. He'd choose the Slytherins because they've got the influence he needs. I'm nothing to him."

"You matter to—"

"I'll have to kindly ask you to stop, Riddle," interrupted Lupin. "This is a delicate matter. She isn't comfortable discussing this. You should go."

"If only you gave me more time…"

"She told you she isn't interested in what you have to say about Snape, who, in case you forgot, is a future Death Eater."

"Sure. That's why he was friends with Evans for so many years," said Skyrah sardonically.

"People change," claimed Lily, her green eyes shining with unshed tears. "Severus changed, and Remus is right. I don't want to discuss this with someone who was waiting for him to call me that."

"I wasn't waiting for this to happen. I'm worried about him."

"As if you had feelings."

WHACK!

Lily put her hand on her stinging cheek.

There were gasps from the students nearby, and whispers about Riddle having never crossed that line, never resorted to physical violence with anyone, muggle-born or not, and never shown so much emotion except for those times she'd been seen with the Snape boy in the Lunar Ball and Lawless's class. Lupin's wand was immediately on Skyrah's neck. Its presence didn't perturb Skyrah.

"I think I've shown more feelings than you," Skyrah said, gritting her teeth. "If I were you, I'd listen to what Severus has to say and find out why he acted the way he did. But you don't care about him, do you? Your Gryffindor friends kept telling you he's wicked just because his uniform's got a green crest. His mistake gave you the excuse you'd been waiting for to get away from him without looking like a bad friend."

"You're wrong. I've always cared about him, and it breaks my heart that he'd side with blood supremacists. He doesn't care about me anymore."

Skyrah shook her head sadly. "All these years and you still don't know him. What's more, you also befriend those who hurt him the most." She gave Lupin a pointed look before continuing, "You didn't even liberate him when you could and almost laughed at him when he was having a bad time. Tell me, were you a good friend that day, Evans?"

"Is the friendless one going to lecture me about friendship?" asked Lily in disbelief. Lupin was unsuccessfully yanking her hand, silently begging her to either leave at once or put an end to the conversation. "I was talking to Potter so that he'd leave Severus alone."

"The most effective way to stop Potter was to disarm him or liberate Severus yourself. You still chose to talk."

"Because I—" Lily cut herself off. The pause was long. Skyrah took the chance to glare at Lupin, but he didn't lower his wand. Everything in Lily's posture expressed vulnerability when she finally confessed, "It hurts me that Potter's the way he is. I'd like him to be kinder. He's got the potential to be a good boy. I was trying to make him see that he was doing the wrong thing. I wanted him to stop not because I forced him to, but because he shouldn't have bothered a classmate in the first place. Severus hurt me in the worst way, and I saw that I was trying to help him for nothing."

Remus was beginning to console Lily, putting a hand on her back, when a deep voice cut in.

"Is it true? Have you slapped Lily?"

"Severus," mumbled Skyrah, eyes round. He was standing so close to her that their arms brushed. "I-I… I'm sorry. I wasn't…"

Occluding. She wasn't occluding. Severus knew because she still wasn't.

"Lily," he started, getting closer to his ex-friend. "Skyrah didn't mean it."

"Oh, no, Severus! She did. She's no better than your Slytherin friends… than you."

"Lily! Lily, please!" Severus shouted for nothing. Lupin had dragged her to another seat, far from the Slytherins.

In an apologetic tone, Skyrah whispered, "I think she won't listen to me even if I chase her."

"She won't listen to us," he confirmed. "I came to watch the match despite the rumors. I needed to prove to myself that I don't care what they say about me."

"That's a good attitude to have."

"I'm not staying. I came to watch the match, but we need to talk."

"Not here. Too many people. I don't want them all to see us together. It wouldn't be appropriate or safe enough. Talking to Evans was a risk already."

Although Severus didn't see why being seen talking would be so dangerous, he didn't question her motives. Instead, he suggested that she waited for him behind the stand, outside the pitch, unless she'd rather go to the Room of Requirement or back to his dorm. With everyone focused on the match, there was no need.

Skyrah went first. Severus waited for five minutes so that they wouldn't be seen sneaking out together. She had her back against the Hufflepuff fabric that decorated the stand. He stood before her, wishing she'd raise her head.

"You didn't mean to slap Lily, did you?"

"No, yes… A bit."

"A bit?"

"I shouldn't have done it, but she implied that I can't worry about you because, according to her, I haven't got feelings. Everyone thinks so, but they don't know me. They don't know–"

A surprised gasp tore out her throat when he put a hand on her chest, over her heart. She could feel the shape of his slender fingers and his palm perfectly through her thin shirt. His eyes focused on her chest for a second before traveling up to her mouth. It let out small breaths, following the up-and-down rhythm of her chest. She'd raised her head at last.

"They're fools to believe you haven't got a heart."

She swallowed hard. "Aren't you angry with me for talking to Evans behind your back and slapping her?"

"No, yes… A bit." Her lips twitched. His friendly teasing tone had not gone unnoticed. "When I said I needed a real friend, I wasn't referring to Lily. I meant you."

"But we can't be friends. I thought Evans would be the best alternative. I intended for you two to make up." One of the teams scored, causing one-third of the audience to cheer, and the remaining quarter to groan. Distressed, she added, "Slapping her wasn't part of my plan. Only my father's ever hit me, and on seldom occasions. He prefers other methods to enforce discipline."

The sight inspired in Severus the urge to hug her. He didn't. In fact, he removed his hand from her chest. "He's the one who makes you feel small, the one you don't want to become."

"I'm doing a magnificent job so far," Skyrah said in a self-deprecating tone. She couldn't tell Severus that she'd slapped Evans not because she'd been angry with the girl but with Voldemort. It was because of him that Skyrah behaved the way she did and that people thought her callous and unfeeling. "Why can't she see you weren't okay? Why can't she see what Potter, Black, and Pettigrew were doing to you?"

"She doesn't allow herself to see how bad they are because they are the kind of people that defend muggle-borns."

"You wouldn't have been her friend for years if you'd believed she's filthy. Mulciber, Avery, and Rosier have called every muggle-born in our year that word, everyone but her. Doesn't she see the reason? You're protecting her, too."

"She thinks getting close to them is the opposite of protecting her."

"But you aren't like them."

"I called her the worst insult that exists. She won't ever change her mind."

She shook her head stubbornly. "We don't know that yet. Maybe the conversation makes her think, and next year you're back to being best friends."

"I appreciate your optimism but I don't share it. That word was the last straw. I've used it to refer to others before her, I don't mind the so-called Dark Magic, and I hang out with the likes of Mulciber. She reckons I'll become Death Eater."

"You're the only 'future Death Eater' that gets upset over losing a muggle-born friend," remarked Skyrah with all the sarcasm she could muster. It was kind of adorable, and Severus found himself stifling a small smile. "The question here is why the Slytherins don't see there's something off about you. Avery and Rosier are morons and will believe anything his leader, Mulciber, tells them. But here's the catch: Mulciber's smart."

Severus hesitated for a moment and looked away to confess, "You'd look at me differently if you knew the truth."

"You think you did something wrong?"

"It ensured Lily's protection, so it isn't wrong. It's far from nice, though."

According to Mulciber, a respectable Slytherin couldn't care about, much less have affection for, anything related to the muggle world, including muggle-borns. A muggle-born Gryffindor and a Slytherin (half-blood or not) couldn't be friends. When Severus had asked him and his gang not to bother Lily, Mulciber had assumed what Severus felt for her was lust. Severus had played along. It paid off, for none of his dorm mates had insulted or harmed Lily. They simply ignored her and hoped Severus would see reason soon enough.

"You don't have to tell me," said Skyrah. "Merlin knows I keep secrets from you. Whatever you're hiding can't be worse than what I'm hiding."

He doubted that. He did confess, though, that he referred to other muggle-borns as mudbloods now and then. "This way, I don't look suspicious."

"It's what you must do. You're a devoted friend, willing to do unpleasant things to make sure she's okay. Why haven't you told Evans?"

"Apart from the obvious? I haven't even told you the whole truth, and you're the one I trust the most."

There was a moment of silence, interrupted by another score.

"If what you did to ensure her protection isn't nice, you don't have to be explicit. But don't you think she should know what being in Slytherin is like so that she can understand and forgive and offer an apology of her own?"

He shook his head. "She views the world through Gryffindor eyes. I've tried to explain that dark magic isn't good or bad, that the intention of the caster is what counts. I've tried to tell her that grades and skills aren't enough to land a job. Connections are what matter the most. Being a low-class half-blood Slytherin, my prospects aren't good. I've tried to explain that Slytherins are treated like outcasts, and that's why Slytherins stick together, to be stronger. If Slytherins don't give me a chance, who will? I've tried to tell her that I care deeply about her and I wouldn't let harm come to her, but I harmed her anyway. Why should she believe the rest? She won't ever forgive me."

"If you're right, she's missing out on having a dear friend."

"So are you, because you choose to, but it doesn't have to be like this. I meant it when I said it's you I can't stop thinking about. It's you I want by my side." He caught her change of expression. "You're occluding. Do you think I'd use legilimency on you?"

"No."

He used occlumency at home, sometimes. It helped him control his emotions, become detached, and generally, suffer less. "You're occluding because you're suffering. Have I caused this?"

"No."

It was hard to keep her Occlumency walls strong when his voice was so smooth. She turned around and wrapped her arms around herself. Unsure of what to do, he put one hand on her shoulder. She stiffened, but the fact that she didn't jerk away encouraged him to turn her around and hug her, moving his hands up and down her back first, then in slow circles. He'd learned from her when she'd hugged him as he broke down. It was pleasant. It was terribly pleasant to feel needed, to feel her body pressed against his.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"No. Answer me," she demanded, and Severus held her a bit tighter. Only she'd care more about him than about herself, even when she was in pain.

"I'm better than expected, but I wish you wouldn't suffer."

"Everybody suffers from time to time."

"You suffer every day." To that, she couldn't retort. "You're resolute to help me get Lily back when you should do something about your own suffering."

"There's nothing I can do about that."

Severus mulled over it. There had to be something that, if not kill her pain, could dull it a bit. Whenever Lily was down, they'd eat some Honeydukes sweets together, and she'd instantly feel better. Skyrah had a sweet tooth too. He'd learned that last year. At present, he had no sweets with him, but he could solve that easily, and he let her know.

She extracted herself from his embrace, eyeing him in a mix of wonder and bewilderment. "I make mistake after mistake. Even if I only mean to protect you, you always end up hurt. You should be fed up with me and tell me to bugger off. I'm bad for you. Why are you talking to me about sweets?"

He arched an eyebrow. "Are you the only one who's allowed to provide comfort? You're always there for me when I need you the most. Even today, when I thought you'd left me, you only meant to give me a friend. You aren't bad for me. You're the only good thing in my life, and I'd hate it if I couldn't bring you a bit of comfort when I know you're suffering. You've always been sad and lonely. It's the reason your grandmother gave you that book, but even you admitted that wasn't enough, and were the happiest when we spent time together. So let's spend time together. Let me comfort you. Though sweets won't solve the problem, they may help you cope."

Let me comfort you.

Exactly what she'd begged him.

Wouldn't it be hypocritical of her to deny him that? He was offering her his hugs and sweets. She was starved for both.

"I'm not scared of you, Skyrah. You won't hurt me. I trust you. I need you to trust me."

Shit. He wanted to help her. He really did, even if he didn't know the dangerous situation he was diving into. And he trusted her. She'd just slapped his ex-best friend, and he still trusted her. It was so tempting to say yes. Yes to eluding loneliness. Yes to him holding her. Yes to getting to see his charming mannerisms. Yes to not taking away from him the only thing in his life he saw as good. Yes to trusting him as much as he trusted her.

Yes.

Just one night. It doesn't have to be a mistake. Nobody knows. Father won't know. Severus is trying so hard to comfort me, just like I comforted him that horrible day. He's returning the favor. She plucked up courage from places within her she didn't know existed.

"I wouldn't say no to something with chocolate…"

His whole face lit up. Skyrah wished she could photograph it so that she could watch that expression when she felt down, as she did with the photograph of the Ball.

"Will you, Miss Prefect, deduct points if we sneak out past curfew?"

"Where to?"

"The Kitchens. The House-Elves won't be there by then."

"I'll overlook this one."

"AND HUFFLEPUFF CATCHES THE SNITCH! HUFFLEPUFF'S WON THE QUIDDITCH CUP OF HOUSES!" the commentator shouted. The cheers came from Hufflpuffs, as well as Gryffindors and Ravenclaws.

The conversation had to end or else they'd get caught chatting. The last thing they needed was more rumors. Skyrah would've fled if it hadn't been for Severus.

"Thank you for defending me and talking to Lily, for worrying about me, and comforting me, for not judging me. It means a lot to me."

She had no time to reply. He walked so fast he was practically jogging. She allowed herself to smile at how he respected her desire to be unseen by their peers, even if he didn't know the reason why that was so important. She closed her eyes and hugged herself. As she inhaled, she recalled his scent and the feeling of his arms around her. As she exhaled, her face hardened. Once again, she was the Skyrah Hogwarts's students had got used to.

Later, a second-year Gryffindor student stopped Skyrah in the corridor and passed on the message that she was expected at the headmaster's office. They were already there, of course, Lupin and Lily, both with serious expressions, standing in front of Professor Dumbledore. No lemon drops were offered this time. Funny. Lupin only took his duty seriously when he deemed it necessary. He hadn't supported Severus as he now seemed to be doing with Lily. Skyrah compelled herself not to give it more thought, or her resentment for Lupin would show.

"Miss Evans and Mister Lupin explained the recent altercation."

"Their version of events, Sir. I doubt they've taken everything into consideration."

"Did you or did you not use physical violence towards Miss Evans?" insisted Professor Dumbledore, looking at Skyrah through his half-moon glasses.

"I did."

"I will listen to your version of events, as you put it. Nevertheless, you must accept the consequences of your behavior."

"I understand, Sir. I meant to have a civil conversation with Miss Evans."

"By slapping her?" asked Lupin, barely suppressing a snort.

"By helping her see she should give someone she used to hold dear a chance. Instead of listening to what I had to say, she insulted me."

"I did no such thing, Sir."

Lupin confirmed Lily's words with a nod.

Lily wasn't the only one who was tired.

Skyrah was, too. Of the show she had to put on every single moment at Hogwarts. Of having loneliness and misery for her companions. Of teachers never questioning Gryffindors and always suspecting the Slytherins. And most of all, of living in fear. She hated it that Lily wasn't giving Severus a chance when Skyrah'd give anything to be his friend. The school year had been awfully long. Even though tomorrow she'd go home, tomorrow seemed too far away. She didn't have the strength to occlude. Not that day of all days. For the first time, her face transformed in front of Lupin and Lily.

No feelings, Lily had said.

Ha! Skyrah was trembling all over.

"Sir, Evans offended me. I wouldn't have reacted the way I did if she hadn't. "

"How did I offend you?" asked a confused Lily.

Professor Dumbledore, too, was looking at Skyrah expectantly and with a hint of trepidation. The next thing he knew, Skyrah was blowing up, screaming that Lily had said she had no feelings. That alone proved how wrong Lily was. Although she and Lupin had been afraid of the icy Skyrah through the years, never had they been as afraid as at that moment, when Skyrah had no filter and looked like she'd cry.

"You talk about me as if I were heartless! As if I were like my…" Skyrah let out a half-gasp half-sob. Her vision began to blur.

Thankfully, Lily and Lupin didn't take notice, for Professor Dumbledore was now standing between her and the other students, shielding Skyrah with his body.

"Mister Lupin, Miss Evans, I must talk to Miss Riddle in private. I would appreciate it if you waited by the corridor."

The door closed, and Skyrah felt a hand on her shoulder. It was the kind of touch she wished Tom would give her someday. It broke her even more. Professor Dumbledore didn't speak for minutes, waiting for Skyrah to stop shaking.

"Miss Riddle, there are similarities between you and Tom Riddle. Being heartless isn't one of them. You make the students fear you to protect them whereas he made them fear him to gain power. The fact that Miss Evans holds that opinion of you is a testament to the good job you are doing."

"My good job makes me feel awful. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm afraid I'll become him, or go crazy. Living in constant fear is one of the worst forms of torture! I just want to be a normal girl. I envy my classmates, even muggle-borns. I envy Evans the most. I'd be terrified if I were her. The war is frightening for people like her. But she doesn't have to go through what I do. She's free to be friends with whom she chooses. She doesn't have to be alone."

"Your feelings are understandable. However, you cannot allow yourself to be a normal girl. You need to measure every word and action at all times. You have done an excellent job so far. Your animosity with a muggle-born student is most convenient for you. Tom would approve of that, and you need to please him or pretend to please him so as to ensure your well-being. I will ask you to apologize for the violence – that was uncalled for no matter what – and to keep acting as you have done all those years. Cautiously. Cunningly. As the true Slytherin you are."

She snorted. "Right. Yet another similarity with my father. That stupid Sorting Hat couldn't sort me into Ravenclaw like my mother and grandmother, could it? Not even when I begged him that I needed to prove to myself I'm not my father. I've never suffered such mockery."

"The Sorting Hat did not mock you. There is not a better way to prove you are not like him than by being surrounded by similar circumstances and making different choices. The Sorting Hat is never wrong. You are a brilliant student."

"Not so brilliant." Skyrah removed the badge from her robes and placed it on the headmaster's desk. "I hit a student. A prefect isn't supposed to do that. You gave me the position only because my mother implored you even when I told her not to do such a thing. If I were to be a prefect, I wanted it to be based on my merits. I accepted it so as not to disappoint her, but I've shown I'm not suited for this."

"If you go ahead with this, Tom will punish you severely."

"It wouldn't be the first time. If my father had been anybody else, you'd have already removed me from the prefects' body. An apology isn't good enough of a consequence. I can't be a prefect anymore."

They stared at each other for a while.

"Humility is a good trait for prefects to display, Miss Riddle. If you wish to resign, I will not stop you. I must say, though, that no Slytherin is better qualified than you. Even if your mother had not met with me, you would have been the obvious choice. You continue to be." Her mouth parted in shock. "Perhaps you would like to consider your decision before making it official. It would be a pity if the school lost you as one of its prefects. That is the reason I have not removed you from the body. Not your father."

She stared at the green and silver metallic piece on the desk. "It was physical assault. It was wrong. Disgusting."

"Prefects have the responsibility of being a paragon. We do not expect students to never make mistakes. We expect them to accept the consequences when the mistakes occur, as should prefects. Not only did you do that, but you also offered to quit your position because you viewed that as the ethical path to take. Who else should I want as a Slytherin Prefect?"

Reluctantly, she took the badge back. "I don't feel worthy of the title and responsibility, but if you believe I shouldn't resign, I won't. I'll work hard to be a better prefect next year instead. I won't lose my temper like that again."

"I did not expect anything less from you."

Skyrah took another moment to compose herself before exiting the office. Lupin and Lily were waiting in front of the gargoyle.

"Leave, Lupin."

"I don't trust you."

"The feeling's mutual."

"It's okay," Lily assured Lupin, her Gryffindor courage emerging.

Only because Lily insisted and they were in front of the headmaster's office, Lupin left the girls alone.

"Evans, I owe you an apology. My reaction was unjustified."

"That's it?"

"Were you expecting a letter? I've heard you tear those." Skyrah could've cursed herself out loud for her snarky remark. Maybe she should've stayed in the office for a few more minutes to calm down completely.

Lily, rather than taking offense, narrowed her eyes. "I haven't told anyone that. There were no witnesses other than Severus himself. He must've told you, which means you two have been talking…" She shook her head sadly. "There really is no turning back. He must've egearly fallen into your arms."

Nothing that could come out of Skyrah's mouth would improve the situation. She'd screwed up enough for one day, thank you very much.

"I meant my apology," Skyrah whispered, as if afraid the paintings would hear and more rumors would spread, and left.

When the time came, Skyrah left the dormitory and Common Room, as silently as the snake she was, and came into the Kitchens. She found him preparing ingredients, though not of the potion kind. He greeted her with the sort of grin she adored. It showed all his uneven teeth.

"I was measuring up the ingredients for a chocolate cake. Would you like to help me?"

"You can bake?"

"Not everyone's got house-elves at home. My father doesn't like it when I cook (says it's too feminine), so I do it when he's out, to help my mother. Since I haven't got any sweets, I thought I, we, could bake something."

She hadn't been prepared for the sight of him willing to cook for her to cheer her up, or for her heart to become so weak. Why was he so thoughtful? How was she supposed not to fall for him?

"I've never cooked," she confessed. "I can't promise I won't blow up the kitchen."

He restrained a smile at her exaggerated worry. "I'll guide you as I'd guide you when we danced."

He found cooking was, perhaps, something she was even worse at than dancing after all. It was okay, though, for she kept laughing at herself and joking with him. Severus forgot about the deals they had made and the danger Skyrah continuously warned him about. Skyrah didn't but told herself this was a unique experience, one she'd regret wasting. She'd missed him. She'd missed being herself. It felt so good to be seen by eyes that didn't fear her. Not even when she looked herself in the mirror did she get that.

"If you move your wrist like this, you'll mix the ingredients faster." He didn't realize he'd got hold of her wrist to indicate the correct movement until he felt her gaze there. Though she wasn't pushing him away, he let go.

"Like this?" she asked, demonstrating. However, he wasn't looking at her hands and the mix but at her face. Some flour had reached it (due to her clumsy skills, definitively).

"You've got..." Severus gestured towards his chin and corner of his mouth.

Her attempt at removing it resulted in spreading it. Instinctively, he removed the flour himself and kept his hand on her face. His knuckles brushed her cheek, a caress so delicate Skyrah found herself falling more in love with him. She stared at his lips, spellbound. He appeared just as lost in her, getting lost in her eyes, as brown, sweet, and comforting as the chocolate they'd meant to bake together.

He found his nerve to say, "I really want to kiss you right now. May I?"

Something flared inside her at his asking for her consent. It was the same feeling she'd felt after her first conscious kiss with him: sheer, unbounded delight. She leaned into him.

No.

An excuse. She needed an excuse not to kiss him.

She couldn't find it.

She had to.

He was now reaching her nape, coaxing her into getting the kiss he so desired.

"No," she gasped in panic before their lips met.

It hit him like a bucket of cold water. Still, he removed his hands from her at once. She sat at the nearest table. One, two, three, four… Counting the piled pots kept her mind occupied. While she did that, she wasn't thinking about the consequences of what she had almost done. An apology uttered in a silky voice caused her to lose count.

"I wouldn't have done that if I'd known you truly didn't want it. I thought you were staring at my mouth earlier. I misinterpreted you. I'm a dunderhead to have thought you wanted me. This morning, you said the things you said and kissed me out of pity." His voice had cracked in the last sentence. He turned his head to the pots as well, unable to keep eye contact, humiliated.

She couldn't let him believe lies. It wouldn't do.

"I want you, Severus." The vulnerability in her voice compelled him to look at her, hopeful that she was being truthful. Some things she wouldn't say to him, but she wouldn't lie. Not about something like that. Not when she looked so broken. Severus heard Lily's voice in his mind. Riddle and manipulation went hand in hand according to Lily, and yet, he'd never thought Skyrah would manipulate him. "This morning, I kissed you because I felt like kissing you. I meant everything I told you. You haven't misinterpreted me. Another kiss is exactly what I wanted a moment ago, but what I want and what I can have don't agree. We aren't doing each other any good. This morning I was overwhelmed. I couldn't think logically. I only wanted to please you because it kills me to see you in pain. I forgot I can't give you what you want of me." Bitterly, she concluded, "Our lives would be easier if I'd never come to Hogwarts."

"Don't. You make my life better."

"Severus—"

"You do. If you hadn't come to Hogwarts, nobody would've noticed how touch-starved I am and done something to change that. Nobody would see me… and nobody would see you. Do you know why I touched your face?"

She shook her head.

"When you did that to me years ago… I'd never felt anything like that. It was very special."

He wants me to feel special, too. Skyrah thought with a fluttering heart.

"Comforting each other isn't a mistake," he claimed. "I don't want to think about what would have been of me if you hadn't been there that day. I don't want to think about a future without you in my life. It'd be even worse if we didn't even have these moments."

Skyrah let go of his hand. "They're an illusion."

Our time together is but an illusion, he'd told her after their ruined Lunar Ball. Yet, that illusion had kept him going, especially this year when the bullying had been relentless and he and Lily had slowly drifted apart.

"They feel real enough to me. You're the real friend I need. Foolish me, I even think you and I could be... more."

Her cheeks turned slightly pink. "You know we can't get close. I'm not willing to put you in danger."

Severus moved away from her, to think, she thought at first, or to avoid being so close to the person who was hurting him. But he merely preheated the oven and continued with the mix of the dough. Skyrah helped him to the best of her ability. The air was tense. Neither talked other than to complete the task at hand: preparing the cake.

"What are you willing to do?" he asked, putting the mold in the oven. The answer he expected (a resounding nothing) got him so nervous he nearly burned himself.

"The only thing I can do to stay safe is what I've been doing this year: be there for you when you need me the most, and, if necessary, allow you to do the same for me as you're doing tonight. Always in secret."

"I can count the number of times you talked to me this year with the fingers of my hand and have some to spare."

"Meeting frequently would lead to dire consequences. We mustn't get attached. It's that or nothing."

Severus was already attached to her. He'd been for a long time. Not talking to Skyrah practically throughout the entire year hadn't prevented him from craving her company. Nevertheless, if he had to pretend he wasn't attached to her in order to make her smile when she needed it or to be in her arms when he felt as lost as when he lost Lily, he'd do it. All these thoughts occurred to him as he watched the cake inflate in the oven, the sweet smell filling the kitchen. Finally, he nodded at her. They'd be there for each other when someone got injured, or emotionally hurt, or if they ran into any serious problem, but nothing else.

They'd sealed another deal.

Knowing Tobias Snape, their first meeting could very well be on the first of September. Being a prefect with responsibilities meant Skyrah couldn't be waiting for Severus in his dorm while everybody feasted. They agreed to meet in the Room of Requirement if Severus happened to have been beaten shortly before getting to Hogwarts.

"I still hope you don't need to go there and wait for me to heal your wounds in September," said Skyrah, concerned. "We aren't of age yet. You can't use magic to defend yourself and your mother. I saw the extent of your injuries. I'm afraid he won't stop at a broken rib next. Please be careful."

"I'm not the one being crucioed."

Skyrah hung her head, embarrassed. "It doesn't often happen."

"It should never happen."

"I do my best not to cross him. What else can I do?"

He had no answer for that.

The cake was ready. Severus served her a slice, eager for the mood to lighten, and in particular, to lighten hers.

"Careful. It's too hot to eat."

"I'd figured as much."

"Just in case." A playful smile flickered across his face. "Your culinary knowledge leaves much be desired."

Skyrah, taking it as the banter that it was, replied, "Indeed. Thank Merlin cooking isn't a school subject, or I'd lose all the House points I earn in History."

It wasn't a very good joke. That, she'd admit. Severus didn't seem to share her opinion, though, for he was laughing like she hadn't heard him laugh in a long time. It was infectious, liberating. It was a good thing they'd cast silencing charms, or they'd have woken up someone with their mirth. Now that they'd agreed to meet next year, even if not regularly, the tension had gone away. It showed.

A few minutes later, when Skyrah finally tasted the cake, she closed her eyes and nearly let out a moan of pleasure.

"You're devouring it," he mentioned. She'd nearly finished her piece while he still had half left.

"It's too good. You're an excellent baker."

"We baked it together."

"That's a lie and you know it. I distracted you and nearly messed up... twice."

He smiled softly. "I'm glad the cake's given you comfort. That was my goal."

"You have given me comfort."

His smile was wide now. Skyrah found him so attractive she could have kissed him. It was yet another reminder that she was treading a mine land.

Once the cake was finished, he retrieved a pot from his pocket. It was more anti-acne potion made just for her: his recipe, even if she wasn't allergic to the original ingredients. Hers had to be nearly empty by then, and so she confirmed as she took the new pot from his hands, their skin brushing. It sent shivers down their spines. If she'd stayed there any longer, she wouldn't have been able to restrain her urge to kiss him for the third time that day. In the end, she thanked him for the potion and wished him a good night without any cheek kisses, unnatural as it felt to her, and disappointing as it felt to him.