Her head tossed from side to side, the blurriness of the previous day still plaguing her in her sleep as she dreamt of holding her newborn son. His perfect face, his tiny little hands, he was so clear and she was transported. Then, suddenly he was gone, her arms empty and the laugh, the familiar voice, You and your Mr. Ashton, make beautiful children, Natasha. She sat upright, "No!" She yelled and Ned woke up with a start, jumping up out of the chair he had fallen asleep in the night before. She looked at him, "Helena," she said panic stricken as she took his hand.
"Lex, what about her?" He asked, concerned, as he pushed the hair away from her face.
"Helena has our son. She has him, Ned. We have to find her." She said insistent, grabbing the sides of his arms and looking him dead in the eye.
"It was a dream, honey, it was just a dream." He tried to reassure her, hoping to get her to remember. "Last night–"
She searched his eyes, the worry for her, the sorrow, the night's events at the hospital came back to her. "It was so real," she whispered. "It felt so real."
He kissed her forehead. "I wish–"
"I know." She replied simply and brought her hand to his cheek as he climbed into the bed next to her. She remembered last night, but she was also still certain her son was alive. She didn't want to worry him even more, especially when she had no proof. He'd only insist that she wasn't thinking clearly. She needed proof for anyone to believe her and help her find their son.
It took convincing, but he finally went home briefly to shower and was heading straight back to the hospital. He didn't want to leave her alone, but she was insistent and he was thankful Jax and Chloe had been there. He paused as he approached the door to the nursery and he reached out to touch the door handle, taking a breath to steady himself before deciding to walk in. It hit him all over again. Finding them in the cabin, holding his son, lifeless.
He took in the sight before him, not sure what to do. The crib ready, the changing table, some packages still left unopened. Should he pack everything up? Leave it, so that they can do it together? He just wasn't sure. How were they supposed to do this? He walked over to the crib and picked up the stuffed elephant that would never be used. A stuffed toy his daughters had picked out when they went to the zoo on their trip to New York together. Then it hit him, how were they going to tell Kristen, and then Brooklynn. It was hard enough to process himself, Alexis was barely facing reality, how could they expect their children to understand this? He sighed, heavily as he placed the elephant back in the crib and quietly left the room, closing the door behind him.
He called Monica and asked if Kristen could stay there a bit longer. He wasn't sure they were ready to tell their little girl what happened, especially if Alexis couldn't quite face it herself and he wanted to give them both the space they needed to process and talk about what to tell their daughter before she came home.
He showered, changed and then he packed a small black bag for Alexis, the doctors had mentioned she would likely be discharged, he wasn't sure she was ready, but knew his wife would want to come home the minute they let her, and so he pulled out a pair of jeans and his navy sweatshirt, knowing it brought her comfort.
He arrived back at the hospital and saw Jax and Chloe walking down the corridor, holding coffee, quietly talking as they were about to go back into Alexis' room. "How is she?" he asked, concerned as Chloe gave him a hug.
"You know Alexis. She's putting up a good front, but I'm not sure she's really facing what just happened to you both." Jax said honestly. He had talked with her earlier, and she insisted he try and help her find some proof that the baby was alive. He tried to rationalize with her, but she shut down and said she wanted to be left alone, so he and Chloe reluctantly went for a walk to give her the space she asked for.
He sighed. "She's in denial. I thought last night that maybe she had come to terms with it, but then this morning she woke up disoriented and convinced that the baby wasn't ours. I don't know what to do."
"You will be there for each other, and when she's ready she will come to you. And in the meantime you lean on us. We're here for both of you." Chloe said, as she touched her friend's arm.
"Thanks," he said as Chloe pulled him into another hug. "Why don't you two go home? I'll call you if there's an update. I appreciate you being here and I know Alexis does as well."
"You sure?" They asked and he nodded before turning to head into her room, but he found it empty and turned to stop them.
"Jax, Chloe, wait– she's not here." He said, trying not to panic as he turned to face them.
She was relieved to see Jax, earlier that afternoon. She had told Ned she wanted some time alone and she did, but she also hoped that someone might believe what she felt, what she couldn't deny. Her son was alive. She was frustrated when her good friend gave her the same sympathetic look as her husband. That he didn't believe her, and so she shut down, tried to protect her sanity. She let Jax and Chloe sit with her, but when the nurse came to check on her it gave her the perfect excuse to say she needed time alone. Her conversation with Jax and then Chloe only reaffirming what she thought that morning, that with her memory failing her, she needed to get proof.
She stood at the door to Alan's office and knocked lightly, hoping that he could help. He was chief of staff and he was family. She didn't know who else to turn to, to make this happen.
"Come in," he said from his desk. "Alexis?" He was surprised to see her standing there.
"Is this a bad time?" She didn't want to interrupt, but she was desperate.
"No, come in, it's good to see you up and about." He said gently as she nodded and closed the door behind her.
"Thanks, Alan." She said as she took a seat in a chair opposite his desk.
"I'm sorry about–"
She cut him off. "Please don't." She snapped and then paused before asking "I need your help Alan."
He looked at her confused and sympathetic. "What can I do?"
"I need you to run a DNA test. I need you to help me prove that it isn't my son. My baby is alive, Alan. I'm sure of it."
"Alexis, from what I understand, Ned.." His heart broke for her and his nephew. Losing a child was the most difficult thing a parent could face.
She interrupted him, "I know what Ned and everyone believes, but he's wrong. You're wrong. It doesn't feel right. I know he's alive, Alan."
"Have you talked to Ned about this?" He worried for them both.
"No. I don't want him to worry about me more than he already is. I know what I must sound like."
"You've both been through a huge loss…"
"Alan, please.." She didn't want to beg, but she was desperate. They were interrupted by the phone ringing in his office and he excused himself and answered.
"No, there's no need. She's not missing. She's right here in my office." He said making eye contact with Alexis. "Yes, I'll make sure she makes it back to her room when we're done. Tell Ned, she's fine." He said as he hung up.
"They thought I left the hospital?" She asked as he stood up and walked to the other side of his desk and leaned against it to face her.
"He's worried about you."
"Because he thinks I'm losing my mind. Alan, this DNA test will prove that the baby he found isn't ours. I'm certain of that, please help me."
He looked at her desperate, certain that what everyone around her was saying was false and he reluctantly agreed. "Ok, because your family, but Alexis, you have to tell Ned. I don't want to keep this from him. He's the baby's father and should know what is happening."
"And I'm his mother." She reminded him.
"And as both of his parents you need to be making these decisions together." He replied gently, placing a hand on her arm as she stood up.
She knew Alan was right, she needed to tell Ned, she just worried what he would think about her sanity. And so she reluctantly agreed and Alan walked her back to her room. As they walked, she asked about her daughter, if she was ok, how she was and he assured her that Kristen was fine and in good hands. "Thanks, Alan." She said as they reached her door.
"You're welcome," he said as he touched her shoulder and Ned stood from the chair in her room and walked towards them. "Just be there for each other." He reminded Alexis and she nodded as he walked away and closed the door to her room behind him.
"Honey, where'd you go? Ned asked, taking her hands in his, concern evident in his eyes.
"I just needed to get out of this room." She said honestly as he wrapped her in his arms.
She stepped back out of his embrace and grabbed his hands again, gathering the strength she knew she would need to tell him what was going on. What she knew would continue to cause him to doubt her. "I need to tell you something."
He squeezed her hands. "You can tell me anything. You know that."
"Do you trust me? Because I need you to trust me right now."
"Of course I trust you." He said, searching her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on.
"I went looking for Alan because I needed a favor." She stepped back, let go of his hands and walked towards the window.
"Ok…" He replied cautiously and watched her pace.
"I asked him to run a DNA test…" She turned to face him.
"Honey…" He interrupted, but she cut him off.
"I know you think I'm in denial. That I'm losing my grip on reality." She walked towards him and he met her in the middle of the room.
"I don't think–" He started to say gently, as he tucked her hair behind her ear, but she interrupted him.
"Ned– I know what this sounds like. I know what you saw,.." she tried to walk away from him again, but he took her hand, causing her to face him again, "just trust me on this. I know our son is alive. I can feel him. He's out there and he needs us." She said as she brought her hand to his cheek.
"Do you remember more about that night?" He coaxed, wanting to know if there was something she wasn't telling him.
Her eyes locked on the black overnight bag, something inside her trying to get her to remember something, anything, but she pushed the thought out of her mind as she continued. "Well, no, not really. I just feel it and what I do remember I am certain of. I know I heard him cry. I know I held him and he was alive, he was healthy. You've got to believe me."
He wasn't sure what to do, he didn't want to continue to let her live this fantasy, but he was also afraid that he'd push her away and she'd put up walls he'd never be able to get down. "I'm trying, I am, but can you do something for me?"
"What?"
"Talk to Kevin Collins." She tried to interrupt him, but he stopped her. "I'm not saying I don't believe you, but I do think talking to Kevin might at least help you remember what happened."
She hesitated, letting it sink in. Talking to Kevin, getting her memory back. "Ok." She said quietly.