His move into the new single bunk had been a great success. Rimmer marveled at the single bed carved into the wall. The whole place was a soothing white, looking mostly made of plastic, with a great big monitor in the wall, a much bigger table, a shower, a Frigidaire built into the wall next to a microwave and sink. The whole place had a much more uplifting vibe than the old military gray quarters.

Or was it ocean gray? He couldn't really remember anymore.

Pleased with himself, he put his books away on the shelves the lined his bunk and climbed into it, pleased to finally get a chance to read a bit.

Imagine his disappointment when he heard someone clearing their throat.

"Oh, what now?!" he groaned, slamming the book down and looking up at the intruder.

It was Tim, who was looking more than a little perturbed the outburst.

"Oh…," Rimmer said, surprised. "It's you."

"Rimmer," Tim replied shortly.

"… Well, what do you want?" Rimmer just couldn't bring himself to be respectful of a chef, even if he technically did outrank him.

Tim fidgeted with his uniform. "Er… I… need your help with something."

"Get the skutters to do it for you. I'm not turning pages for you, nor am I holding doors or changing channels for you."

"Rimmer…"

"And you can doodle your own pornographic doodles, for all I care…"

"Rimmer, I need you to switch me off."

Rimmer sat up in his bunk, uncertain he'd heard correctly. "What?! Switch you off?" he asked, trying not to look too thrilled.

"Yes, please."

"Oh, I don't know… Okay! Hologram simulation suite – here we come!"

Rimmer eagerly headed for the hatchway, not even finding it odd that Tim was behaving in such a strange manner. He led the way down the corridor, smiling cheerfully.

Kryten was mopping a floor along the way. He looked up and saw the two of them walking along.

"Morning, Krytie!" Rimmer said, waving merrily.

"Oh! Good morning, Mr. Rimmer, sir! Good morning, Mr. Duncan, sir! Where are you two off to?"

"To turn him off! See you at lunch!"

Kryten double-took. "Turn him off? But why, sir?"

Tim looked awkward. "Er… It's a long story…"

Rimmer tried to keep the hologram from stopping. "No need to bore us with details. Come on. Time's a-wasting!"

"I just can't do it anymore," Tim found himself saying. "I can't keep pretending I want this – that I want her! This whole wretched existence is driving me crazy!"

Rimmer sighed as the other man stopped, meaning this much-needed deletion would be delayed slightly.

"Whatever do you mean, sir?" Kryten asked.

Tim sighed. "… You don't know what it's like being dead… To have no options… To only be with one woman forever… We might as well be married!"

Rimmer and Kryten exchanged glances. They were beginning to get where this was going.

"I can't stand it anymore," Tim continued mournfully. "She's a nice girl, but she's got me cornered. The first week was great! Just the sensations we shared… But during this second week, I've started to think ahead…"

Rimmer remembered something the Cat had told him yesterday. "You're starting to feel trapped."

"Exactly! And now… I can't do it another day, let alone a third week! I need to be switched off! I actually find nonexistence preferable to staying here any longer!"

Kryten fretted. "B-b-but sir, what about Miss Kochanski? How does she feel about this?"

Tim blinked, and then he had the good grace to look sheepish.

Rimmer realized. "You didn't tell her. You're trying to escape without having to tell her you don't love her and breaking her heart."

An affirmative nod caused Rimmer's expression to darken.

"I knew I didn't like you," he said. "I knew there was a credible reason not to like you. And now I know what it is – you're a spineless, gutless, gormless, cowardly pile of smeg." He paused for a moment. "You're just like me," he finished quietly.

There was a long moment as the two men stared at each other, with Kryten looking awkwardly between them.

"What are you going to do?" Tim asked.

Rimmer thought about it. He knew this was how he would handle the situation – running away when no one was looking so he wouldn't have to face it. That was okay for him, but he knew it wasn't how this situation could be resolved.

"I'm not going to do anything," he replied evenly. "You, however, are going to march back to your quarters, and you're going to tell Kochanski you're going to shut yourself off."

Tim visibly blanched. "No. You can't make me! I outrank you!"

Rimmer raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, really?" And with a guess, he reached inside of Tim's hologrammatic torso and wrapped his fingers around his light bee, causing his image to momentarily flare up and crackle with interference. "Come on, you," he growled, and he effortlessly dragged his 'superior' down the corridor.

"Hey! Stop that! Let go of me!" Tim shouted.

But Rimmer wordlessly hauled him to the lift, slapping the call button and stepping inside, activating the control to take them to the floor with Kochanski's quarters. Tim attempted to voice command the lift to stop, but Rimmer put in an override to prevent him from doing this. "The privileges of being a technician," he explained smugly. "Got all the codes to every lift onboard."

Tim could only hang his head, thoroughly humiliated.

They finally arrived, and this time, Rimmer didn't need to drag Tim anywhere. He simply led the way to Kochanski's quarters down the corridor. When they got there, Rimmer didn't even touch the door control. He simply stood aside and let Tim walk up to it.

"Open," Tim ordered.

The doors slid apart, and Tim walked inside, finding Kochanski already there, smiling at him cheerfully. He then ordered the doors to close behind him, and Rimmer walked away, completely uninterested in hearing any of the conversation to follow. He could already guess most of it.

He made the long walk back to the lift and rode it down to the Drive Room, wherein he sat in one of the swivel chairs and watched an old film. He normally didn't like films, but he decided he needed something to distract him. He took in a war documentary, but he wasn't really into it. He kept wondering why he had done such a thing to what was technically a superior officer.

Part of his mind told him it was just wonderful to get some revenge on someone who looked down on him. It told him that the guy was a jerk anyway, and it served him right. Another part of his brain asked him why he hadn't just helped him do the cowardly thing. After all, it was something Rimmer himself would probably do in such a situation – run away.

But then, Rimmer had never been in love, or a relationship for that matter, so he really didn't know just what he would do. If he ever met the girl of his dreams, how would he end up treating her? Would he chicken out if the relationship ever got serious? How would he handle a breakup?

It was just another thing he would never find out. He was alone in deep space, and he had no say in the matter.

Eventually, he sensed someone was in the room with him, and he turned around in his seat to find Kochanski walking through the southern hatchway. He ordered the video to pause as he stood to attention.

"Ah, Miss Kochanski, ma'am!" he said, quickly throwing her a salute. "How… er… how has your day been?"

Kochanski just glared at him. "As if you didn't know," she replied icily.

Rimmer swallowed. "Well… how did it go, if I may ask?"

"I switched him off."

"… Ah… Are you… okay?"

Her expression assured him that she was not.