The Medi-scanner hummed with activity while the others stood over her. She tried to get comfortable on the bed, but she couldn't get used to it. The actual sensations, the touching of solid surfaces, the being solid part… It was all so amazing. How had she gone for so long without being able to touch? Smelling the musty odor of the ship? Feeling the coldness from the A/C?

Okay, so it wasn't the most wonderful thing in the world, but still, she was excited.

Kryten checked the readouts. "All seems to be in order, ma'am. All tests confirm you are a completely healthy twenty-four-year-old human woman."

Cat poked her arm, as if confirming she was real. He'd done this several times now.

"But how?" Rimmer asked. "How can she be alive? What caused it?"

Cat poked her arm again.

"I'm not sure, sir. Miss Kochanski, ma'am – do you remember what happened in this new timeline?"

Poke.

"Not a thing," Kochanski replied. "All I remember is being a hologram, and then a moment later, I wasn't. I don't know why."

Poke.

"Well, it must've been something," said Rimmer. "You wouldn't just randomly become human again for no reason."

Poke.

"I'm trying to search the black box recordings, but it's all a bit of a mess," said Holly. "Seems there are multiple timelines running simultaneously. I'm not sure which ones are real."

Poke.

"Cat, why the hell do you keep poking me?"

"I'm just enjoying actually touching a real woman!"

Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "Are you implying that you've never actually touched a woman before?"

Cat straightened, looking very affronted. "Of course not, grease stain! I'll have you know I've had full blown love affairs! Hell, I got a couple of lady cats of my own on Z-Deck!"

Kryten looked perplexed. "Sir, we haven't detected any female cats onboard this ship in years."

"Yeah? Well… they like to hide! It's one of our sexy games we like to play! Without you losers getting in the way!"

Rimmer raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Okay… see, I tend not to believe this because – "

"All right, all right," Kochanski interrupted. "Never mind this now. Holly – why am I human?"

"There's a few timelines right now where you went into stasis before the accident using a spare stasis booth. When we found the stasis leak, you must've warned your past self."

"So why don't I remember that?"

"Well, that's another thing I'm having trouble with. The timelines seem to be constantly shifting."

"Shifting?"

Holly bit her lip before continuing. "It seems time is in a state of flux right now. Meddling with it so much has put your timeline out of sorts. I can see it trying to sort itself out to deal with the changes, but it's going to take a while."

"How long?"

"At the rate everything's shifting, maybe… a month? But I'll know more the closer to the present the time shifts get."

Kochanski swallowed. "And then… I go back to being a hologram?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Kris. The good news is, since we're at the heart of the storm, our memories will be unaffected, so you'll at least remember what happened."

"Whoopee." She sat up on the medi-bed and ran her hands along the smooth metal surface. She stared straight ahead, wondering what she should do now. A month or less of being human again, and then back to being a digital ghost.

Rimmer cleared his throat. "So… now what?"

Kochanski stood, still running her fingers along the walls. Enjoying the smoothness, the coolness, the feeling. She leaned against the doorframe for a long time, her mind almost totally empty.

Then, she felt a tightness in her midsection, and she realized something important. She turned around and immediately addressed Kryten.

"What's for lunch?"

She was in the bath for maybe two hours. Possibly more. Even the Cat didn't take this long on one bath. She lounged in the warm water, surrounded by bubbles, sipping wine and eating from a small bowl of cottage cheese and pineapple chunks. No music, no talking, no nothing – just the warm water relaxing her skin.

The others were given strict instructions to not bother her, and if they tried, Holly could do whatever she liked to them. They all avoided her door like the plague.

At last, when the cramps of staying still for so long set in, she forced herself to get out, letting the water drip everywhere, enjoying walking around naked and soaking wet for a while. Of course, almost slipping on the smooth floor was a sensation she hadn't missed, so after a few mishaps, she settled for wearing some slippers. She turned on some ballet music and proceeded a very awkward undignified dance around her quarters.

Of course, she'd gotten rid of her actual bedding in favor of hologrammtic bedding, so at the moment, there was nothing for her to sleep on. She found this out when she went to flop on the bed and promptly fell through it, hitting in the plastic mold underneath it. Her bed flickered from the interference as she popped her head out and peered around in embarrassment. She didn't feel like pulling the bed here, so she knew she'd have to sleep in the neighboring quarters instead.

Damn. That meant getting dressed.

"Holly? Are Rimmer or the Cat anywhere near here?"

"Nope. They're in the cinema."

Sighing with relief – and also wondering what Rimmer and the Cat could possibly be watching together – she opened the door and padded softly down the corridor to the nearest door. She was just about to press the button when she heard footsteps coming around the corner, causing her to yelp and cover herself as much as she could.

Kryten rounded the corner, carrying some folded towels. "Ah, good evening, ma'am!" he said cheerfully. "Just thought I'd bring some laundry for you."

Kochanski slumped against the door. "Er, thank you, Kryten. Just put them in here. I've decided to sleep in here tonight."

"Very good, ma'am." Kryten waddled his way over and pressed the door button, and in he went.

Kochanski continued to stand at the doorway, feeling very silly right about now. She wanted to go in, and she knew it was okay to do so, but she still felt self-conscious just being naked in front of someone.

Kryten set the towels down in the bathroom and turned to walk past. "Will that be all, ma'am?"

"Yes! Thank you! You can go now!"

"Are you quite all right, ma'am?"

"I'm fine! Totally fine! Bye!"

"It's just you appear to be trying to hold your body together. Is it going to fall apart?"

Kochanski closed her eyes disparagingly. "I just don't want you to see me naked."

Kryten blinked in surprise. He looked her up and down. "Oh! You're naked! I hadn't noticed!"

"Yes, I'm naked! And it's embarrassing!"

"Is it? I'm afraid I have difficulty telling, ma'am. If that's all you'll be needing, I'll retire for the evening. Good night!" He marched merrily out of the sleeping quarters as if nothing odd had taken place.

Kochanski was left standing in the doorway, feeling like a complete idiot. She slapped the button to shut the door, and once it was closed, she slumped down into the actual bed and enjoyed the comfort.

Until she smelled how musty these old sheets were. Clearly, Kryten didn't launder the beds that no one was using quite as frequently. She gagged quietly and started fanning them.

A few days later, and Kochanski was dressed again. She wandered up and down the ship, dressed in casual clothes that weren't her uniform, and she walked cheerfully up to a nearby foods dispenser. She tapped a button on the control panel, and a moment later, out came a cheeseburger with all the trimmings – save onions, because onions are gross – and she bit into it eagerly. So juicy and greasy. It was amazing what not eating for three million years had made her appreciate. She walked up the corridor, enjoying eating it until it was all gone. She walked a little further, at last finding another dispenser. She got herself a large chocolate quintuple-thick milkshake.

She was still sipping it seven minutes later when she was found by Rimmer coming from the opposite direction. "Ah, there you are!" he said. "Haven't seen you in a while."

Kochanski smiled broadly. "Just living it up while I can still live."

"Yes, but it's been three days. No calls, no mail… Not to sound like a grandmother, but would it kill you to visit? Only Cat and Kryten for company has nearly driven me bonkers."

"Now, now. You boys need some quality time. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying some me-time."

"And what, pray tell, does that include?"

"Well, eating proper food, having nice hot baths, and… other things…"

Rimmer's eyebrows collided over his nose. "What 'other things'?"

"You know… 'other things'…"

"No, I don't know."

Kochanski's smile somehow became even broader. "Oh, come on. You know."

Rimmer folded his arms. "Miss Kochanski, kindly make your point, or I'll take what's left of that milkshake and pour it over your solid head."

Kochanski chuckled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Well… I had Kryten get out a certain box from the vacuum storage unit for me."

"Yes…?"

"And this box contains certain… things… that I have missed dearly since I died."

"Such as?"

God, he was thick sometimes. "Well, there's one in particular that I'm very fond of… Long… Large… Cylindrical in shape with a slight curve to it… Purple color…"

Rimmer looked really lost now. "An eggplant? Why did you have an eggplant in vacuum storage?"

"… You don't know much about women, do you?"

She grabbed Rimmer by the back of the neck and whispered something into his ear. He looked confused for a moment before his eyes widened, and he backed away in shock, bumping into the wall in the process.

"Oh! Ohhhhhh, I see…!" he squeaked, trying to sound casual, but his damn vocal chords rose a few pesky octaves first. "Well, forgive me if that's not the first place my mind goes. Some of us have better things to do!"

Kochanski patted his shoulder playfully. "Of course you do, dearie," she said. A wicked glint sparkled in her eye. "Well, if you ever want a break from 'better things' and wish to engage in 'other things', give us a shout, won't you?" She winked saucily.

To her amusement, he visibly blanched. "Oh… er… no, I don't think so… I mean, not that you aren't… it's just… you know… you're you… and I'm me… and… No. Just… no." He turned and hurriedly walked up the corridor.

Kochanski laughed as she went to the foods dispenser again and ordered a hotdog. She really was enjoying herself.

A week had gone by, and Kochanski was hardly seen.

Holly was still monitoring the timelines. So far, it seemed her month-long prediction was spot on accurate, something she was immensely proud of and always boasting of to the others.

Kochanski still had at least three more weeks of being human. The others seldom saw her. Cat's main interactions were trying to convince her to sleep with him, but she repeatedly turned him down. Even though it was clear it would be no strings attached, she knew all about the tiny pointy barbs that decorated a feline's penis, and quite frankly, she didn't want to find out if that had survived three million years of evolution.

Rimmer only saw her when there were things to do onboard ship. Their interactions were pretty much the same as they always were – bickering, mainly. They'd already moved past the existential implications of her temporary resurrection and were settling back into the usual routine, something they both found comforting.

Kryten saw her the most. Mainly because, he was constantly bringing her food. It seemed that her appetite had increased immensely. Every time he brought her the latest cartload of food, she would say she was just "getting it out of my system" and that she'd probably get bored with it before long. Except, that wasn't happening. Each meal seemed to be bigger than the last. It was as though she couldn't stop. Not that the mechanoid minded. He enjoyed cooking and caring for humans. It was in his programming.

As a direct result of overeating, Kochanski gained weight quickly. Her slender figure soon gave way to a pudgy young lady. She didn't really notice until she tried putting on a skirt one day and found it wouldn't zip up.

"Oh, smeg," she cursed, struggling to get it on. "Come on! I'm not asking for a lot! Just zip the hell up!"

But it was no good. If she wanted this outfit to fit, she was going to have to start exercising again.

She went to the recreation deck and tried running on a treadmill. She was so tired after seven minutes she had to stop and catch her breath.

"God, this is pathetic," she complained to Holly. "I can't even run for seven minutes without getting more winded than a chain-smoker at an annual breathing contest."

Holly tilted her head in a shrug. "I'm not sure why you're going mad over this. I mean, if you're going to stop existing in three weeks, what are you worried about? Once you're a hologram again, we can just alter your image and make you skinny again."

Kochanski's head jerked up. "Skinny?!"

"I didn't mean it in a bad way!"

The woman slumped down from the treadmill and sat down on the edge of the hot tub. Kicking off her shoes and slipping out of her clothes, she slid down into the bubbles, enjoying the sensation of the jet on her rear end. She looked down at her pudgy body, distorted by the churning water, and she felt a little… freer.

Before she knew what she was doing, she asked Holly to contact Kryten and bring her a carton of ice cream. This was going to be a three weeks to remember.

"You can't be serious! She's still at it?" Rimmer squawked.

Kryten shrugged helplessly. "I can't stop obeying her, sir! It's in my programming!"

"But she's just on a path to self-destruction! She's porked her way through the food supplies, she's smoking cigarettes, she's drinking… And all the time, she's doing… 'other things' while doing them!"

Kryten blinked. "Other things, sir? What other things?"

"Now don't you start!"

Cat rolled his eyes from the sleeping quarter's sofa. "I just think it's sick what she's doing to herself. Makes me glad I didn't have sex with her, if she's gonna inflate herself like that."

Rimmer rolled his eyes. "Oh please, you'd be doing the pelvic thrust on her if she was missing both legs, had an enormous lopsided head and was covered in warts."

"Would not!"

"All right, you lot! Settle down!" Holly admonished. "It's not for much longer now. It's been almost a whole month. It's nearly time at any rate."

Rimmer's face sagged as comprehension dawned on him. "Oh god, it is. How is she?"

"Still in her quarters. Not sure what she's up to. But I think she could use some… company, you know?"

Realizing what the computer was getting at, Rimmer nodded quietly and made the walk down the corridors for Kochanski's quarters. He could only imagine the state she was going to be in when he arrived. He was discouraged to find the door half open, which meant she didn't care that much about privacy. He cautiously hovered just around the edge, wondering if he wanted to peer inside.

"Hello…? Kochanski…? Mind if I come in?"

There was a thick belch by way of response.

"… Gonna take that as a yes."

Rimmer pushed the door the rest of the way open, finding several empty food containers littering the floor. There were a few cigarette butts as well, several days old. Empty beer bottles and wine bottles all over the place.

To his immense relief, she was mostly clothed. Sports bra and black spandex leggings that probably fit her three weeks ago. Her bed was a crumpled mess, also covered in food and drink containers, not to mention a few 'other things' that Rimmer determinedly ignored.

"So…," he said awkwardly, "…how do you feel?"

"… Ill."

"Ill as in 'about to fade into non-existence'?"

"No, ill as in 'just ate a gallon of cottage cheese with pineapple chunks and chased it with lager'."

"… Interesting culinary decisions you've been making lately."

Kochanski groaned and attempted to sit up. "I just… I dunno… I was stuck as an electronic ghost for so long… and to have this opportunity, no matter how short-lived… I just wanted to feel again. Didn't matter what. Just wanted to feel all the things I took for granted when I was alive. Every meal I never had. Every risk I didn't take. Every mistake I didn't make. Every bad habit I didn't start. I wanted it all. And the truth is, it's not enough. It's never going to be enough."

"Why not?"

"Because… I'm still stuck in the same mess. Still lost in deep space. Still living with everyone I ever cared about being dead. God, there were so many things I could've done – should've done – but didn't because I always thought there'd be more time… And now it's too late."

Rimmer cleared some debris from the bed and sat awkwardly next to her. "Well… as someone stuck in a similar situation – save for the whole 'dead' thing – I know what you mean. I think back on all the mistakes I made. Wasting all that time trying to be what my parents wanted instead of what I really wanted, and now it's so ingrained in my psyche, I have no idea what that would've been anyway. It's just a part of human nature. We regret the things we didn't do. The relationships we could've had, the discoveries we could've made, the events we could've lived through…"

Kochanski looked at him with tears in her eyes. "You do understand, don't you?"

Rimmer gave a sad smile. "I think I do."

There was a long moment as they looked into each other's eyes. They weren't sure where this came from, but something about the situation made them think that maybe it was time to try something. Something they otherwise would've regretted if they hadn't done it. It wasn't half difficult, with Kochanski so stuffed and bloated she could barely move, and Rimmer being the insecure self-doubting coward that he was, but they still did it.

They leaned toward each other, and they kissed. Their lips pressed together, and they smegging kissed.

It lasted for about seven seconds before they pulled away. They looked deep into each other's eyes again, and they both realized something.

"… You didn't feel anything either, did you?" Kochanski asked, although it was more of a statement than a question.

"Not a thing," Rimmer said with a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank god… I mean, no offense or anything, but holy hell…"

"I know! I was so scared for a moment there!"

"And it wasn't just the fact that I haven't brushed my teeth in two days? Like, you think maybe you would've felt this way anyway?"

"Oh, definitely. One hundred percent."

"Good, good… Okay… I feel better now."

"Me, too."

There was a long companionable silence between them as they both sat on the bed, unable to help descending into giggles as they thought about what had just happened. It was an amazing thing, to think that they could sit there and laugh together about an unsexy kiss, considering who they were and what they were to each other.

But, of course, you only regret the things you didn't do.

Rimmer stayed with her through the night, and at some point, while she slept, there seemed to be a sort of ripple in the air, and Kochanski was a hologram once more. No taste, no smell, no feeling whatsoever. No evidence of what she'd done in those three weeks.

Except for all the trash lying around when she woke up.

And the fact that she was still wearing the sports bra and leggings.

And also…

"Oh, come on!" she wailed, looking in the mirror the next morning. "All that changed was that I became a hologram! And now, I'm a hologram who's somehow two stone heavier!"

Rimmer shifted awkwardly. "Well… it's… not a bad look?"

Kochanski massaged her temples. "Ugh… you've got to be kidding me… Tell me I don't have lung cancer, too, from all those cigarettes!"

Holly blinked from her monitor. "Well, no. I mean, you had five cigarettes altogether. Not exactly the caliber of Lucille Ball."

Kochanski shook her head disparagingly.

After a moment of awkward silence, Rimmer cleared his throat. "Well… I'm sure Holly could alter your image so you look liked you did before."

Holly nodded. "Yeah, sure. Just say the word, Kris, and you're back to your skinny self."

Kochanski scowled. "Again with the 'skinny'."

"Again – your body, your business!"

Kochanski looked at herself in the mirror for a long moment. Then, she shook her head firmly. "Holly – simulate me a black tank top and those dark green trousers I showed you in the catalogue. And… go up a size, will you?"

Holly tilted her head in a shrug. "Okay, Kris."

Kochanski flickered briefly, and she was soon in the requested clothing.

Rimmer looked at her curiously. "So… you're keeping the weight?"

"Weight is weight, Rimmer," she replied. "A hologram can still burn calories given the right amount of physical activity. I just… want some proof that the last month happened. That it wasn't all for nothing."

She turned and looked him in the eye again.

"No regrets."

Rimmer nodded in acceptance. "No regrets."

With a nod in return, Kochanski turned and walked silently out of the sleeping quarters. She knew Kryten would just jump at the chance to clear away the mess she'd made. In the meantime, she had a death to get back to.