Cat reported a strange 'wibbly' thing on the radar, and they all came running. Kryten deduced from the scant readouts that it might be a tear in the fabric of spacetime. With no time to turn around, they had no choice but to charge straight through it like the eye of a hurricane.

They piloted Starbug through the rapidly expanding rift, getting quickly caught up in rippling eddies that shook the craft around and spun it on its axis. Some of the smaller, more delicate components in the cockpit went 'kablooey' in small showers of sparks, but the ship in general seemed to survive.

"We seem to be through the worst of it!" yelled Kryten as he tried to keep his head on. "But I'm picking up some kind of subspace energy disturbance down on the engineering deck!"

They did their best to stabilize before following him down into the lower decks. To their surprise, they found a swirling blue tunnel had appeared in the wall.

"What the hell is a great big slinky doing down here?" asked Kochanski.

Kryten checked the readings on the psi-scan. "The membrane between two realities has temporarily collapsed. This is some kind of 'hyperway', through non-space to a parallel dimension."

"So what do we do about it?" asked Cat. "It's not gonna let in a draft, is it?"

Suddenly, the psi-scan let out a soft 'beep-beep', and Kryten saw some text appear on the small screen. "Curious! A transmission from the other side of the hyperway!"

"What does it say?" asked Rimmer.

"Seems to be some sort of distress call! The other end must've linked with another ship!"

Rimmer walked closer to it, peering inside. The tunnel before him swayed slightly as if in a light breeze, making him uncertain of its stability. Still, he figured he should at least try. "Come on," he told the others. "Let's reconnoiter."

"Wreck a what?" asked Cat.

"He means, 'follow him into the unstable blue tunnel'," said Kochanski.

Rimmer gave her a sneer before stepping gingerly into the hyperway, followed by Kochanski, then Kryten, and then Cat. The tunnel swayed almost imperceptibly, with little zaps of white light streaking across occasionally, giving them the feeling of walking on water. They took very careful footsteps, feeling the 'ground' beneath them sag with each movement.

At one point, Cat's shoe punctured a hole in the hyperway, causing him to nearly fall through. Kryten managed to grab his arm in time. They peered through the hole and saw an inky blackness beneath filled with fast-flowing ribbons of mist.

"Careful, sir. The linkway is about as stable as a taxi driver who's got stuck behind two old priests in a Skoda."

"What is that stuff?" Cat asked, pointing into the void beneath them.

"'Non-space', sir. An abyss of infinite nothingness, where Time doesn't seem to exist."

Rimmer nodded thoughtfully. "Not unlike playing 'The Opera Game' with Kris."

She scrunched up her nose in response before they resumed their journey. For another five minutes, nothing happened, but then, off in the distance, they could make out another four figures coming from the opposite end of the tunnel. Encouraged, they continued the journey until they could make it who had sent the distress call.

From the other end, they saw a Kryten not unlike their own, save for a few cosmetic differences - how could that head be any uglier? - and a Cat who looked just as stylish as theirs. However, the Kochanski bore no 'H' on her forehead, indicating her to be a living human, and instead of another Rimmer, they found…

"Lister?!" exclaimed Rimmer.

"Rimmer?!" Lister replied. Then, he noticed… "Kris?!"

"Dave?!" she cried. "And… me! I mean, us!"

The Kochanski on the other end just grumbled. "Oh, this isn't right!" she complained. "Can't believe we came all this way for the wrong dimension!"

Cat frowned. "You calling us a 'wrong dimension'?"

The other Cat shook his head. "Take it easy, buddy. Officer Bud Babe here is still trying to find the universe she came from." Then, he saw Rimmer. "Hey, it's Goalpost Head!"

Rimmer looked confused, but Kryten lit up. "Ah! So it was your distress call!"

"Yes," said the other Kochanski bitterly. "I've been trying to find my way to my universe for god knows how long now."

"One month, two weeks, four days, seven hours and forty-two minutes, ma'am," the other Kryten grumbled bitterly.

Rimmer glanced at Kochanski, but she continued to stare at Lister in stunned silence. Realizing she wouldn't be helping much, he took charge. "Right!" he said. "Since we came all this way, maybe we can help each other out? Do you need anything? Supplies? Fuel?"

"Cyanide, if you have any," grumbled the other Kochanski.

Lister seemed a bit bewildered, but he glanced at his crew before putting his best foot forward. "Yeah, we could use some help with fuel if you've got any."

"Nothing simpler, sir," smiled Kryten. "I'm sure we can arrange a transfer. Just follow us."

They led the alternate crew back up the hyperway to their ship. It took a while, what with them all having to tread carefully. Kochanski kept stealing glances at Lister, trying to see if he might be looking at her, but she also noticed the other Kochanski looking very sullen, looking at the floor like a moody teenager. She looked for any differences - other than being alive. Her other self had darker hair cut off shoulder length, wore a red latex catsuit with matching red heels. Looked nice and everything, but it must be hell to wash.

Once they arrived back in the cargo bay, they led the other crew up to the mid-section. The two Cats were already nattering away, chatting about fish and hair products and Cuban heels. Kryten seemed to be trying to get on with the other Kryten, but the other Kryten kept glaring at the other Kochanski, who alternated between glaring at him and glaring at Lister, who alternated between not looking at her and not looking at the other Kryten, plus not looking at Rimmer for some reason. Seemed downright exhausting. Clearly, some tension.

"So!" said Kochanski, speaking for the first time in minutes. "Make yourselves at home! Mi Starbug, su Starbug!"

Lister smiled gratefully as he took a seat at the scanner table, clearly glad of a rest. She'd really missed that smile, even if it looked more weary than she remembered. "So, you lot are on Starbug, too, eh?" he asked amiably.

"Was yours stolen as well, sir?" asked Kryten.

"Yeah, and we've completely lost track of it."

"Dear god," muttered Rimmer, leaning back against the far wall. "Must be some multiversal conspiracy. Who'd want one Red Dwarf, let alone two?"

"My crew didn't lose Red Dwarf," said the other Kochanski, just a tad snottily.

Kochanski cleared her throat. "Yeah, what's the story here?" she asked, trying to be polite. "You're not with them?"

"No, I'm not," her other self replied hotly. "I'm from another dimension, with my own Lister, Cat and Kryten, but because of these guys, I'm stuck in their world now."

Lister rolled his eyes. "Worth pointing out, we did save you from dying in non-space."

"By shooting a harpoon through my thigh!"

"And you're alive. All I'm saying."

Kochanski squirmed uncomfortably. Clearly, a great load of bitterness in her other self. She felt bad for Lister, who looked downright exhausted just talking to her. Hoping to cheer him up a little, she had an idea. "Well, if you need supplies, we can provide them for you."

"But don't you have supply problems of your own?" Lister asked.

"Nah, we've got the triplicator all set," said Rimmer. "We can hook you up with some odds and sods if need be."

Lister let out a brief snort of amusement. "What? 'Odds and sods'? That almost sounded middle class, Rimmer," he laughed.

Rimmer smirked in return. "Yes, well, we can't all live up to the hoity-toity sophistication of the gent who can belch 'Yankee-Doodle-Dandy', can we?"

Kochanski bit back a smile. Strangely, it felt good to hear these two teasing each other again. "Okay, boys. Behave. Krytens - let's get to work on that fuel. Rimmer - give us a hand with supplies. Maybe we can bring some of their stuff on board and hit it with the triplicator."

"Yes'm," Rimmer replied, already heading for the supply cupboard to pull out the triplicator.

"Where did you get a triplicator?" the other Kochanski asked.

"Kryten built it from the old matter paddle," Kochanski replied. "Splits the receiving signal three ways so we get the original, plus two copies. Took a lot of trial and error to get it right."

"By which, she means, we blew up Red Dwarf," Rimmer deadpanned, fiddling with it.

"Quiet, you. We got it back."

"Yes, after dealing with the high and low versions of ourselves."

Lister groaned. "Oh, god, we had to do that, too. Your low self got me across the nose with a holo-whip."

Rimmer looked up. "My low self? You mean, I was with you? I mean… a version of me?"

"Yeah, in my world, I survived the accident, and Holly brought you back as a hologram to keep me sane. Then again, Holly wasn't all that sane himself, so maybe he wasn't the best judge of sane-keeping."

Rimmer crinkled his nose. "God, to listen to you snoring again…"

They soon got to work, taking supplies to and from the two Starbugs.

Rimmer set down a crate of poppadoms under the triplicator's main pad. He flipped a few switches and set to work. "All right, here we go," he said. "Time to work the magic. Bippity… boppity… boo!" He pressed the button, and on either side of the crate, two more identical copies blossomed into being.

"Yes!" Lister exulted, pulling the extra crates away. "Can't believe you guys actually got this thing working! After we blew up the ship, we didn't think to try it again."

"Yeah, well, after that, Kris said we needed to be ready in case we lost Red Dwarf again. So we loaded up Starbug with a bunch of supplies and fixed up the triplicator. Got the missing components from Legion and bingo-jingo, here we are." He pressed the button again, and two more crates appeared.

Lister shifted them while also marvelling. "That's where we went wrong, then," he said. "We didn't have anyone good at planning onboard."

"Oh, she's a godsend," Rimmer muttered as he got some more supplies situated. "An annoying godsend with crap taste in music, but a godsend nonetheless."

Lister shook his head. "This from the man who once called her a 'snooty little cow'."

Rimmer looked up. "I what?"

"Well, I mean, okay, it was the other you who said it, but still. You thought it at one point."

Rimmer regarded him for a moment. "Yeah…," he said slowly. "What precisely became of this other me?"

Lister's expression twisted briefly as he seemed to wonder whether or not he should tell him. He checked around to see if anyone else might be listening before taking a deep breath and stealing his resolve.

"Okay, I haven't told the others what really happened. They think a knight from the AR Unit got loose and killed him."

Rimmer stared blankly. "Wait… what?"

"I know, but they seemed to buy it. Anyway, Rimmer had this alter ego from a parallel dimension…"

"Ace," Rimmer said. "Yeah, we've run into him a couple times."

"Well, it turns out there's this whole legend behind him. When one Ace dies, he recruits a replacement from another dimension. Each Ace goes on to save people in the multiverse, passing the baton to each other. Guess it was just a matter of time before they found our Rimmer."

Rimmer's jaw had gone slack during this story as the pieces began to click together. "How long ago was this?" he asked eventually.

Lister shrugged. "Two or three months ago. I told myself it was for the best, that Ace knew what he was doing, and maybe it'd be good for him, but… it's starting to dawn on me I don't know what could happen to him."

Rimmer swallowed. "He's fine."

Lister looked up. "What?"

"He was here a few weeks ago. Told me everything about caterpillars and butterflies and passing on the flame." He paused, studying Lister's expression. "Seemed to be having some teething troubles, but I'm sure he'll settle in."

Lister began to smile a little. "Yeah, I hope so. It's just… we never got on or anything, but I just hate to think of him as a broken light bee in orbit around a planet and never knowing how it happened."

Rimmer nodded thoughtfully. "Well, whatever happens, he seemed happy when I saw him. Frankly, I don't see myself as the swashbuckling hero type, but maybe that's what makes him and me different." He loaded another crate - this time holding lager - and set to work triplicating.

"I don't think that's the only difference," remarked Lister. "My Rimmer never really let go of being an officer, being in charge, bossing us about, being a pain in the arse. I mean, he had his moments, but he never really loosened up. At least, not the way you have."

"The way I have?"

"Well, for starters, you're not wearing a uniform. You're wearing actual normal clothes. Still dorky as hell, but at least one could be seen in public with you."

Rimmer chuckled as they moved the crates around. "Yeah, well, that's down to Kris, really."

"Kris?"

"Kept badgering me until I couldn't take it anymore. Should've seen the green uniform. Looked like Captain Emerald."

Lister paused. "You call her 'Kris'?"

"Well, 'Kochanski' is a tad unwieldy in everyday conversation. Anyway, she helped me update my wardrobe a bit. I still maintained power of veto. Just because she's my superior officer doesn't mean I let her tell me how to dress."

Lister paused again. "Guess I didn't realize just how different things are here."

Rimmer shrugged, not noticing how depressed Lister suddenly sounded. "Well, I can't speak for your reality, but I suppose so." He finished with the latest round of supplies. "Okay, that's all your crap. I'll go see about getting some actual supplies."

Lister nodded distantly and started getting together the crates for transport. "Yeah, cheers, man."

The despondent tone finally registered with Rimmer. "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…" He trailed off before looking at him. "Be good to her, all right?" He turned and started shifting crates down the corridor.

Rimmer stared after him, bemused.

Kochanski had finished overseeing the fuel transfer with the two Krytens and went back to the mid-section to check the readouts. A long hose stretched down to the cargo bay and continued into the linkway to the other ship, so the process might take a while. Content that the fuel flowed at a half-decent speed, she glanced across at her other self at the scanner table as she worked at a laptop computer, clearly trying to ignore the world.

"What are you working on?" she asked, hoping to establish some kind of contact.

The other Kochanski spared her a glance before resuming. "Just trying to get all the data I can get from the linkway so we can try again later."

"Still going on searching, eh?"

"I have to. I refuse to accept that I'm trapped here for the rest of eternity with those three morons."

Kochanski sat down on the opposite side of the table, leaning back just enough. "What's your dimension like?"

The other Kochanski looked up again, and after a moment, she began to smile. "It's great. I mean, last human alive and all that, but it's still lovely. Dave was resurrected as a hologram to keep me sane. Initially a soft-light hologram, we couldn't physically interact, so whatever relationship we took became verbal only. We did our best to make it work, but… well, I imagine you'd know how frustrating that intangibility can be."

Kochanski nodded in agreement but said nothing, allowing her other self to continue.

"Over time, I started showing him opera and theatre, all my favorite things. Being intangible made him sensitive and caring in a way most men aren't." She smiled soppily. "He even enjoys shopping for shoes."

Kochanski snickered. "Good grief, I can't even begin to picture that. Does he make you listen to Rasta Billy Skank?"

The other Kochanski scowled. "My Dave wouldn't touch that music with a twelve-foot pole," she sniffed. "That's the sort of thing this Dave would be into. Dreadful rock music, spicy food, clothes that could double as a sewage plant…"

Kochanski shrugged. "I mean, he's not perfect, but then, who is?"

"My Dave. He's sweet, attentive, romantic, mature, clean - all the things this Dave just isn't."

Kochanski felt a small stab of indignation flare up in her chest. "So he isn't Dave."

"What?"

"If you've changed every single thing about him, is he even really the same person anymore? Plus, how have you changed? It's not fair on Dave if he's doing all the changing. You must've met him halfway on some things."

The other Kochanski looked flummoxed for a moment, opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish before she found the words. "I… I watched an episode of Zero-G Football once. That was something."

"Did you have your phone out at any point?"

The resulting silence said it all.

Kochanski shook her head. "Look, I understand you don't want to be trapped in a world that isn't yours, with versions of your boyfriend and friends so different from the ones you know and love. But it really does seem as though you just took everything that made him Dave and made him into your ideal man."

The other Kochanski looked like she wanted to argue but didn't know where to begin making her case. "I… I didn't force him to do anything," she said at last. "I made suggestions. The odd opera here and there, an occasional musical, a few shopping trips… He resisted a bit at first, but over time, he became more willing to try it."

"Maybe it's because he loved you enough to try," Kochanski said. "I'd like to think maybe I'd be willing to do some of his things, too."

"Even if it involves eating curries in bed and watching sports all night?"

Kochanski smiled. "It's all about compromise. Ask him to use rubber sheets."

At that moment, Rimmer entered the room. "Ladies," he said pleasantly. "Fuel transfer is running successfully, although the linkway may only last a few more hours at best."

"Well, we'll soon have enough across," said Kochanski, glad for the change of subject. "How's the supply situation?"

"Nearly finished. Just need to let the triplicator recharge." He gestured to a readout on a wall monitor. "Here, come look at this."

Kochanski smiled politely at her other self before heading over. She tried to see what Rimmer had pointed at. "Why do you want me to look at the waste disposal screen?"

"I don't," whispered Rimmer. "I just think you should take over manning the triplicator for a while."

"What for?" she whispered back.

"Because Lister seems a bit down in the dumps about something. I think he could do with a spot of cheering up."

"And you're not doing that because…?"

Rimmer looked at her as if it were obvious. "Because I'm me?"

"Fair point." She turned and smiled brightly as she walked past her other self. "Well, I'll just go and check on things on the other ship!" She hurried out the door.

Kochanski wandered through the maze of crates, finally finding Lister by himself behind some boxes, going over the supplies. "Hey," she said quietly.

He whirled around apprehensively, but he seemed to relax when he saw her. "Oh, hey," he said politely. "Sorry, I thought you were…"

"Her?" She smiled sympathetically. "She does seem rather cross with you."

"Yeah, well… She blames me for being stuck here."

Kochanski leaned against a stack of crates. "Sounds like you saved her life. Twice."

"Yeah, but now she's stuck here with us, as she keeps reminding us."

"Is it bad?"

"Only when she starts bleating on about 'her Dave'," he grumbled. "She's always going, 'My Dave wouldn't have done that'. 'My Dave would've known what to do'. 'My Dave wouldn't have picked at that with the good cheese grater'."

Kochanski grimaced, but she couldn't help smiling as well.

"She just makes me feel like I'm not good enough," he finished, looking down at his hands.

"Well… maybe you're not." She almost laughed at his bemused expression. "Maybe you're not good enough for her," she clarified. "She's told me all about her Dave, and frankly, it's weird. I mean, in order to be happy with him, she had him change himself into a completely different person. It's just… weird. I mean, I get that we all change over time, but… I dunno. I just have a hard time picturing you sipping wine and listening to opera."

Lister chuckled. "Yeah, it's flying in the face of nature."

She sat down next to him. "Dave, I think the thing you have to face is… she's not your Kochanski. I know it's hard. To spend all that time wanting her, yearning for her, fantasizing about her, but she's not yours. She belongs with that 'perfect' Dave in that 'perfect' universe, and keeping her with you is wrong." She swallowed before continuing. "No matter how hard it is to let someone go, you have to, for their own good."

Lister looked at her for a long moment. "I know," he said at last. "I guess I was just fooling myself."

"Damn right, you were," she said sadly. "Maybe your Kris is still out there somewhere, but you'll never find her while you've got this one. Being trapped somewhere against your will isn't very romantic."

Lister nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're right. Just lost my head for a while there." He smiled at her. "Y'know, Kris, I see you sitting here, and I just can't help but think to myself…"

"Yeah?" she asked, leaning in a bit closer.

"Rimmer's a lucky guy."

She froze. "What?"

"Look, I won't deny - seeing you two together kind of wigged me out at first, but after spending the whole day with the two of you… Well, I'm still wigged out, but if you two are making it work, then hey, I'm not here to judge."

The cogs turned in Kochanski's brain as she tried to get to the bottom of what Lister was saying. Then, it all became clear, and she felt nausea, followed by amusement. The absurdity of the idea began to overpower her mind as a small smile morphed into a flash of pearly whites as she slowly gave into the laughter. She howled and rocked back and forth, clutching her middle as the absolute silliness of it sent her crashing to the floor.

Lister, to his credit, sat there through it all, looking at her as though she'd blown a gasket.

She took in a few unnecessary lungfuls of air. "You think Rimmer and I are…?" She trailed off, both from giggles and lack of desire to even finish that sentence.

"Aren't you?"

"No!" she guffawed. "No, we are not! Dave, I was brought back as a hologram so Rimmer would have someone of authority to answer to. Not to make snugglebunnies with him."

Lister stared at her, his jaw slack as his brain processed this, and then, after a few moments, he began to smile, and then he laughed. Within seconds, he joined her on the floor, and they both laughed merrily at the insane thought.

"I just…! I just thought that…!"

"I know! I know! Just - eurgh!"

After a few minutes of this, he finally got up and helped her to her feet, both of them still giggling. She looked at him, at those cheeky chipmunk cheeks of his, that twinkle in his eye, the growth and vague maturity he'd acquired, and she pulled him into a kiss. The silence engulfed him as she gave in and did what she probably shouldn't be doing and kissed the bejeezus out of him.

He flailed momentarily before pulling away, looking at her with startled eyes. She stared back, briefly wondering if she'd just crossed a line and done something incredibly wrong. But then, he grinned and pulled her back in for another. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close as they kissed on and on.

Two hours later, Rimmer came with the other Kochanski, the two Cats and the two Krytens to the entrance of the linkway.

"Right, sirs, ma'am," said Kryten, going over a clipboard. "We should be able to leave you with plenty of time to make it across to your Starbug. Just transmit when you're all safely across, and we'll proceed to disengage from the cosmic tear."

"Excellent, Kryten, thank you," said the other Kryten. "We thank you once again for all your help in this venture."

"Yeah, thanks, dudes," said the other Cat. "Thanks to you, I'm all set for threads and sequins and tuna for the next few months!"

"Anything for your fine self!" the Cat replied brightly. "Stay sexy!" They high-fived and howled.

Footsteps echoed from up the linkway, causing them all to turn and look up just as a rather dishevelled-looking Lister came through with an equally-dishevelled-looking Kochanski, toting the triplicator. Clothes rumpled, hair tousled, and even Kochanski's 'H' looked slightly crooked.

The other Kochanski stared in shock. "Oh my god…," she groaned.

The other Kryten did a double take. "Sir! Tell me you didn't!"

Both Cats grinned. "Way to go, buddy!" they both said, giving simultaneous thumbs up.

Lister cleared his throat sheepishly. "Well, shall we get started on heading back?"

"Sir, you promised you would never leave me for her!" the other Kryten wailed.

"Yeah, for that one!" Lister said defensively. "We never agreed about this one!"

The other Kochanski continued to glare at her other self. "Seriously? You're serious?! You seriously did this?! Seriously?!"

Kochanski managed a silly grin. "It wasn't 'perfect', but it was still him."

"Ugh, I just can't - I mean - ooooh, you… ugh!"

The other Kochanski stormed off down the linkway. The other Cat shrugged and followed her.

Lister looked at Kochanski and smiled as he straightened a lock of her hair. "Thanks for being there for me."

Kochanski smiled back and put a hand to his face. "Thanks for being you."

The other Kryten, with all the manner of a jealous wife, hooked Lister by the arm and dragged him back down the linkway. "Sir, we are going to have a long talk when we get back!"

Lister just grinned cheekily and waved as he faded into the blue tunnel.

Kochanski stood there, smiling sadly as he disappeared. Even if it had just been for a few hours, it had been nice to have him with her again. To know that she hadn't just imagined what a good guy he was - even if she had romanticized his curry breath.

Rimmer walked up alongside. "I didn't necessarily mean for you to cheer him up that much."

Kochanski continued to smile. "I'm gonna find him again one day. If not that one, then mine, at least."

"I should hope not that one. I don't know about you guys, but I detected a hint of tension between that lot."

"Understatement of the year," agreed the Cat.

"Most curious behavior," added Kryten. "I wonder what made my other self so tetchy."

Kochanski finally straightened some of her clothing and turned for the hatch, followed by the others. "Come on, then. Let's get started separating the ships."

"Yes, let's put some distance between ourselves and that reality pronto," agreed Rimmer.

"Oh, they're not bad really. Just different. Oh, did Dave tell you the 'Ouroboros' story?"

Author's Note: No idea when the next chapter will be, seeing as I've only written half a page of it so far. But it'll come one day!