Winter's Refuge
Chapter Thirty-Six
LOM
Heyes was right. I hoped having Chrissy with him would help the Kid heal faster. Colin and the governor would be leaving any day now. He needed someone there. But he didn't like anyone to see him hurt, weak.
Once decided, Juan and Chrissy left within the hour. They should get to Bridgeport in time for the evening train to Cheyenne. Heyes went to the drawer in the living room, pulling Juan after him.
"Mr. Heyes, I have to go get my things ready to go…and the horses." I could tell Juan was nervous about what he was about to undertake.
Heyes waved him to follow him; I think Juan felt it was easier to follow him than argue. Curious, I tagged along. From a drawer in the living room, Heyes pulled out Chrissy's wanted poster. Juan had seen it before. He'd saved Chrissy from Dr. Lewis. He was well aware of the threat. But seeing the poster with her name in dark letters still made Juan take a deep breath and think.
"Thank you, Heyes, for reminding him to be careful," I said. "Juan, what if I telegram your pa to meet you in Cheyenne? I'll see that Winter's Refuge will pay him extra for his time."
Heyes didn't acknowledge me, just returned the poster carefully to the drawer and disappeared. I got the horses ready for them to ride into Bridgeport, questioning my decision to let them go. But I doubted I could keep Chrissy here; she was going to get to the Kid. She was strong willed and courageous. She survived five years in prison.
As they were leaving, Heyes came onto the porch carrying Chrissy's traveling bag for her. Under his other arm he had his chalkboard and an envelope. Juan led the horses over to us, but Heyes waved him up the stairs.
"We don't have time, Mr. Heyes. We got a train to catch." Juan was impatient, but Chrissy put her hand on Heyes arm and pointed to his board.
Juan's brisk reply made Heyes step back, but he recovered at her touch. He handed Juan the chalkboard and pointed for Chrissy to read it too as he handed them each an envelope with their name on it.
"Money for trip. Pay Kid med bill. Need more telegram Lom."
I had forgotten Juan probably didn't have much money. He gave everything he saved to Rudy for his college fund. Heyes touched Juan on the chest and quickly withdrew his finger and looked down. But he found some courage and looked at him, tapping his chalk over and over on 'med bill'.
Heyes erased his words quickly and struggled to write, "C buy Kid peppermints."
"Good." She mounted without saying goodbye to either of us. "Go now."
JED 'KID' CURRY
When I open my eyes, I'm confused. Why am I still in this dark cell? I thought I was released, rode a horse away from the prison. Was that a dream and this the reality? Pain runs through my shoulder and my back. There's no way to escape it and too late to control it. "OWWW!" I move to try and ease the pain on my back and the back of my legs refuse to let me use them to change position. "Heyes!" I thought he was here but maybe that was a dream, too. Blackness explodes on my temple and behind my eyes and, again, I fight the nightmares.
LOM
I watched Chrissy and Juan ride away. They both were excellent riders. I hoped Juan was strong enough to watch over her. Still, I remembered Heyes and the Kid were members of an outlaw gang at his age. Heyes was gone when I went into the house for a cup of coffee. At first, I didn't think anything about it, then I panicked. I'm Heyes' parole officer. I'm here to help him. I need to know where he is, what he's doing. And I'm his friend.
He's not in his room, his chalkboard with the broken frame looks like it was thrown quickly on his unmade bed. Although I doubt he's in there, I look in Chrissy's room, then the Kid's room I am using. He's here somewhere. I know he's here. I found him in the stable sitting outside the stalls of the visiting mares studying papers.
"Heyes, you okay?"
Instead of answering me, he stuffed the papers in my hand without meeting my eyes. He stood in the far corner of the stables, looking down, wringing his hands in front of himself. He'd given me the breeding calendar. The two visiting mares were Speed of Flight from the Crooked E Ranch here in Nebraska and Stone Music from the Rocky River farm in New Mexico. Both were beautiful ladies, one gray, one the lightest of blacks. Each was to be bred to a different stud. And now I saw what had upset Heyes.
He was shaking now as he realized I knew the problem. Probably afraid I would yell at him. Juan had told him the horses names, but he hadn't been listening. He didn't know which mare was which. He was waiting for me to get angry and that's just what I felt like doing. But it's not what the Kid would have done. One step at a time, patience. "Heyes, do you know which mare is which?"
He shook his head and tried to say something. He had been doing so well when we met in Cheyenne yesterday, but all his words escape him now. He started to turn and leave when I had an idea.
"Heyes, do you know where the correspondence is for the breeding operation?"
Seeming to relax a little, he left the stable by the front door at a normal pace. I felt good that he was not running away. I made sure each of the mares had their special oats and went to the house.
Heyes was standing in the hall outside of Chrissy's room, head down, not moving, just waiting. Submissive again. The curtains were pulled and the room was dark. When I came close, he pointed toward the dresser.
"Show me."
He shook his head and pointed again. Where did the Kid find his patience dealing with him?
I went in, lit the lamp, and opened the top drawer. A stream of gibberish flowed from Heyes accompanied by anxious pointing at the bottom drawer.
"Okay, I got it." The drawer was filled with letters. Each group was tied together with string. Of course, Heyes had seen them when he helped her pack earlier.
I took the top bundle. I knew I had the right ones when I read the return address The Crooked E Ranch. Now to hope the letter had a description of the horse.
"Heyes, you going to help me?"
He backed away, then stepped forward again, and pointed to the kitchen. I brought the stack of letters and picked up two more groups and followed.
I poured us each a coffee and a bowl of stew that Juan had started for dinner. Heyes watched as I sat it in front of him. He didn't touch it, just kept pointing to the flowered design on the bowl.
Heyes had set the letters from and to the Crooked E in a pile and was looking through the others.
I started with the letter with the earliest postmark. And one of our problems was solved. Speed of Flight was the black mare. It didn't say which stud she was scheduled to be with. Picking up the next one, I was intrigued. It wasn't Jed's writing. Maybe it was Juan's? No, it's Chrissy's. The penmanship is beautiful. I reread it twice. It was professional yet personal. I was impressed. She was afraid of people in person, but I realized she communicated well in these letters. Of course, she had written letters just like this since she was sixteen years old. It was the signature that surprised me - Mrs. Jedediah Curry (Christina). I wondered if the Kid had seen them.
The third letter from the Crooked E, signed by Ralston Q. York, told me that he wanted Speed of Flight mated with Summer's Song, the black beauty of the ranch. One problem solved.
Heyes had left the table and wandered away while I was reading. Keeping track of him was going to be difficult.
"Heyes, can you come here?"
"Heyes?" I yelled louder. Just when I thought I was going to have to go find him, he came in the back kitchen door. He handed me a paper with hay on the back and shrugged his shoulders, I think in apology.
Juan had written out instructions for our care of the mares and our own horses. As I read through, I noticed it didn't say which mare was which nor their partner. This is what had started Heyes on his quest. He must have laid it on the hay when he got the breeding calendar and forgotten it.
"Thank you, Heyes." The Kid had said he responded to true praise. "When you read this, you realized Juan hadn't told us which mare was which? And you were trying to figure it out?"
He looked up at me. I was smiling, not mad, so he gave me a slight grin and nodded.
"Good job. Now all we have to do is figure out who Stone Music is breeding with, and we've got it solved." I showed him my notes on Speed of Flight and he seemed to relax.
I had written:
Speed of Flight - color black to be bred with Summer's Song.
He handed me the correspondence from the Rocky River Farm. I couldn't read the signature. It was not the same writing as the letter. But the letter stated clearly that she was to breed with Fall's Legend who they had heard produced the best colts in the west. As I had done with the letters from the Crooked E, I read every one to make sure there were no changes. Finally, I added to my list:
Stone Music Color- gray to be bred with Fall's Legend.
"We did it!" I told Heyes. "Together."
He just stared and I didn't know what was going on in his head.
"Heyes, can you say any of your words? We can work on them tonight, if you want."
With great effort, he said sadly, "K…K…Kid."
I found him in his room an hour later, standing looking at the blank wall. Confused, I was about to leave until I remembered that was the first punishment the Kid had given him when he had touched the gun.
"Heyes, there's no need to punish yourself. You did good. I heard the Kid say he was proud of you."
He turned around and looked at me lost in his sadness. "K…Kid," he said, shaking his head.
JED 'KID' CURRY
I wake to the darkness, again, and pain, so much pain. This is not the dark cell though. There is a window with a curtain but some light, maybe moonlight, shines in the bottom. The pain in my back is intense but familiar. I have defeated this kind of pain before. I tell myself from pain comes strength. I am not strong now, but I will be stronger than ever to take care of my family. Nobody is gonna hurt my family. "Heyes!" I think I yelled, but I'm not sure the word wasn't just a whisper. I know he was here. I try to use my legs to move in the bed and they burst into pain. My head hurts. "Heyes! I need help." I feel the despair of no one to help me start to return. I won't let it. I like to see the tiny bit of light, but I close my eyes to think. Heyes had to go back to Cheyenne County. That's why he's not here. "OWWWW!" I rolled onto my back. My legs aren't able to get my back onto my side. The back of my head hits the pillow and I try to hide a sob.
"Jed! Jed!"
A lamp is lit in the back of me, and I hear Dr. Arden.
"Oh, let's get you back on your side. I'm sorry, I have to touch your back some to do this."
I feel some relief from the pain on my back. He reaches down and straightens my legs. It's my thighs that are burning, cramping. I remember now, the billy club whacks over the barn raising injury. A loud groan escapes me. I realize I don't have a shirt or pants on. I'm naked except for my underwear. But I don't object; clothes would be painful.
"I didn't think you'd be awake yet. I'll get you some more laudanum."
The door must be behind me. He moves out of my sight.
"Where?' I get out in the next moan.
I can hear him pourin' water into a glass and stirrin' something in it. Puttin' my hand to my head, I feel the bandage.
"Leave the bandage alone. It's been a job getting that to stop bleeding. You're in Cheyenne at the medical center where I work. Do you remember how you got here?"
I remember the pain of the billy clubs across my thighs in the shower. The razor shavin' the scabs off my temple and the back of my head. I remember ignorin' the beatin's throbbin' pain. I remember the whippin', the searin' pain openin' up my back, walkin' to the dark cell refusin' to let the pain break me. I remember thirst and pain stealin' all my thoughts. Finally, I answered the doctor, "Prison," as I arch my back in pain and groan.
Then, I remember Heyes standin' there, lookin' little but overcomin' his fear and bein' there outside the dark cell with the board that said he was proud of me and thank you. I remember Heyes is free to continue to earn his amnesty. "Worth it," I told the doctor.
He gently lifted my head and gave me the water. It smelled of medicine and tasted bitter, but I knew it would hide the pain for now.
"Nurse, please come in here." I hear Dr. Arden callin' but it was getting' harder to stay alert. "Jed, I need to clean your back again. And I'm going to redo some of the stitches in the lacerations on your shoulder."
I felt a moan escape me as he started to cleanse my back and realize the nurse will see me without my pants. And then I felt the laudanum workin' and the torment ease. For that I was grateful, but I gathered my strength to battle the nightmares that I knew were returnin'.
HEYES
Lom said I did good. I'm trying my hardest. I hear the worker's talking to each other, finishing up. I need to go out there and check the one called Jeremy is not with them.
"Heyes, I need you out here." I hear Lom call me. He doesn't really need me, I don't think. But I want to help. I want to be good. I want to stay here with the Kid and be part of his family. But I sent him to prison. He won't want me here. I saw how much pain he was in at the hospital. He hid it at the prison, but I saw it later. I saw his back and his head in the wagon. I did that to him.
"Heyes, are you coming?" Oh, no I got lost thinking again. I used to just know things but now I have to work to figure them out and get absorbed doing that. Lom said he'd help me with my words tonight. I want to do that.
Lom and the construction supervisor are waiting for me at the foot of the new stairway. I look around at the construction workers.
"Jeremy ain't here, Mr. Heyes. Your partner fired him and we ain't seen him since."
LOM
"Jeremy? Who's Jeremy?" I remembered the name Heyes had written on his board on the train. I'd ignored it as more of his confusion. "Heyes, you told me Jeremy was a threat to Chrissy."
I looked at Russell. "He just walked in and joined the crew. The missy was afraid of him from the start. Mr. Heyes found him in the kitchen looking for food. "
"IN the kitchen?"
Heyes nodded.
"I'm sorry I didn't understand what you were telling me." I looked at the workers there. "Anyone seen him since?"
Everyone shook their heads no.
"Okay, Mr. Russell, let's see what this construction is all about."
I was impressed with the workmanship Russell showed me. The upstairs were all framed out and the windows inserted. The idea of an indoor privy is unique but I can see its practical benefits.
"Still ain't used to him trailing behind like that," Russell whispered to me, turning around looking at Heyes.
I know I gave him a dirty look. He looked uncomfortable.
Russell tried to change the topic. "'Course he and Mr. Curry talk about it each night and come up with some good suggestions."
"Mr. Russell, when you're in town, would you ask Sheriff Birde to come out here when he can?"
He seemed relieved that the walkthrough was over for the day. "Yes, sir, Mr. Trevors."
Heyes was not there when we finished. The paper from the table was gone. I found him in the stable taking care of our horses. As he completed each task, he went over and checked it off the list. I watched him and thought how he had progressed farther than I had given him credit for. He was still submissive around authority and his communication skills were poor. And his thoughts and emotions were visible for all to see. But he was thinking. He had actually walked into the prison, scared and shaking. He had done it for the Kid. And he thought to send money with Juan and Chrissy. Maybe this was not going to be as hard as I thought.
I walked over and looked at the list. "Heyes, I'll handle the next thing on the list."
JED 'KID' CURRY
The laudanum is wearing off and I open my eyes. The lamps are very low. I need to stand up.
"Jed, you're awake already? You got to stop fighting the pain medicine. I don't want to give you any more yet."
"Doctor, gotta stand."
"Are your thighs cramping? I thought they might from your injuries."
"Yeah but no, gotta pee." I struggled and started to sit on the side of the bed. The pain seemed distant, but it was there. I felt the doctor rollin' me back down on my side.
"I can get you a bedpan or you can sit or stand."
"Sit."
" Wait for me because either way will be painful, and you'll need help. I'll get you a chamber pot."
I rested where I was. I am so tired. But I need that chamber pot.
I must have fallen asleep. Dr. Arden's entrance woke me. "Do you want to do this sitting or standing? Either way's going to hurt."
"Sittin'." With the doctor's help, I maneuver my legs over the side of the bed and immediately stand up, grabbin' the doctor for support. My head spun.
"I thought that sitting on those bruises would be uncomfortable." He supported me while I relieved myself. My balance was shaky, but I steadied myself and he let go.
"Just uncomfortable?" I tried to tease him as I looked at the bed trying to figure how to get back in it without touching the back of my thighs to the bed. It had been a flash of agony that forced me to stand up. The doctor knew what I was fearing.
"No getting around some pain, but I'll help you sit on the edge with just your bottom on the bed. Don't use that shoulder to balance; you'll rip open those new stitches. I didn't stitch them all up. Use the other arm to lean back. I'll help roll you into your bed onto your side."
As he talked, I did as he instructed. As I started to roll with his help, the back of my leg touched the edge, and I arched my back. To keep me from fallin', he had to touch my back hard to catch and balance me. I felt the pain risin' under his hand and then the blackness claimed me.
HEYES
I woke up early. I have things to do to help. I want to make myself useful so the Kid will let me stay. I made a list last night. Lists help keep me focused. First, I have to milk Chrissy's cow. I pat her between the eyes and her brown eyes seem to be asking me where Chrissy is. I wish I could talk to her. I tried, but only sounds come out. But I found I can hum softly. So, I hum to her and she is calm with it.
Then, I went to collect the eggs. People keep paying the Kid in chickens and goats. He told me he had to make the coop bigger twice. We can't live off of chickens. He gives the goats away in trade for our bread. The Kid does good work; he deserves to be paid with money. But he says they're our neighbors. He wants to help our neighbors. He wants our neighbors to accept him. He said that's hard because he's an ex-outlaw and an ex-con. He works hard to help them. I see that they depend on him now. They call him a hero. I don't know if they accept him yet, though. Our parents helped all of our neighbors. I can remember feeling good when my parents helped others.
I dropped an egg. My thoughts were wandering again. I look down and I have dropped more than one egg. I have to concentrate on what I'm doing. Chrissy always milked the cow and gathered the eggs. The Kid or Juan cooked breakfast. I can do all that.
Lom smelled the bacon and came out in his long johns. I had the eggs cooked. I concentrated very hard on making them. I did not burn them. I scrambled them and moved the pan off the heat. Lom used Chrissy's bowl last night to serve me stew. I didn't eat it. That's Chrissy's bowl with the flowers. Only Chrissy eats out of it. I washed it and put it in the back of the cupboard so Lom can't find it again.
When I'm finished, I wash my dish and the pan. We always wash our own dishes, or they sit on the table and wait until we wash them ourselves.
JED 'KID' CURRY
They are takin' Heyes away. I tried to stop them. I told the truth I did it, not him. But they didn't believe me. I kick Mr. Coby in the leg so he won't take him. He shook me off and said they know Han did it. Since I kicked a teacher, they took me to the office, too. We had to pull our pants down and we got three whacks with the paddle with holes. Mine must have hit my thighs...they hurt and ache. I am free to go, but they take Heyes to the dark cupboard. He drags his feet, but they throw him in there…again. "HEYES! NO!"
"Jed." I feel a soft touch on my arm. "JED! Can you open your eyes?" Dr. Arden is at the Home with us? He does not belong here. "Jed?"
I opened my eyes, slowly. I am not at Valparaiso, I am in the hospital in Cheyenne. "Heyes?"
"Lom took Heyes back to the ranch. Rest easy; he didn't violate his parole." Dr. Arden lifted the bandage from my temple. It did not come off easy. "Keep your eyes closed. Let me get something to remove this."
"Hurts."
"I know it hurts, but I need to make sure it's healing." He rubbed an oil or something to loosen the bandage from the dried blood. He worked quickly and I tried to ignore the pain in my temple and behind my eyes. "Done!"
He held my face firmly in his hands and a nurse I had not seen before held a candle close to me as he probed my wound ever so gently. "We need to watch this, but I'm not going to add any more stitches. It's more swollen than it should be and too red, my friend. Now, lean forward. I want to see that old wound on the back of your head."
His touch hurt but I refused to flinch. The salve he applied was cool and numbed the pain.
"Nurse, did you prepare that pain medicine for Mr. Curry?"
"Yes, Doctor."
"Jed, I'm going to help you to stand up. Your thigh muscles are going to object, but we need to get them moving. Drink the medicine as soon as you stand up. This is going to be painful, but it needs to be done. If it hurts too much, let me know and you can take some steps tomorrow. Only for a few minutes, then you can go back to sleep."
I didn't care how much it hurt. If it would help me get out of here, I could handle the pain. Standin' up was more painful than I thought. My thighs cramped. It felt like every muscle I had worked to develop in my legs to get strong, was tightenin' and pullin' at the same time. I was embarrassed how much I was leanin' on the doctor. The nurse blushed as she handed me the pain medicine and I remembered I was only wearin' underwear. Dr. Arden suppressed a laugh.
"Nurse, that will be all. Please close the door in back of you."
"Sorry about that, Jed. Until the swelling in your legs goes down significantly, pants will be intolerable. A hospital gown will hurt your shoulder."
I nodded and handed him my empty glass. When he freed one hand and twisted to put the glass down, he wasn't supportin' me as much. I lost my balance. Takin' three quick steps forward, I avoided fallin'. The pain was intense, but I fought it and managed to stand up tall. I was aware of Dr. Arden's hands hoverin' near me in case I started to fall again. He let me stand on my own.
"Jed, I think that's enough for today." The doctor's voice was shaky. "You're a strong man. Not sure how you managed not to fall. I'm sorry I wasn't holding you better. He firmly took my arm and when I didn't lean on him, he told me to use his support. It was easier to walk that way, but I've always had trouble takin' help from anyone but Heyes. I turned around to face the bed too quickly, my world spun around and around and then I could feel the laudanum comin' for my pain and bringin' dark thoughts.
Dr. Arden was speakin' at me more than to me it seemed. "Same as last time, Jed. Sit with only your bottom on the bed and let me bring your legs up while you move towards the pillow." I heard him and moved myself to the pillow. I felt him move my legs to the bed and cover me with the light blanket. And then they were takin' Heyes away into the darkness and I couldn't stop them.
HEYES
I think it makes Lom nervous that I can't talk. When he was with the gang, the three of us, me, the Kid and Lom, would play cards and talk all night about the next job or the one we just finished. Now, it's like he's talking to himself because I can't answer, even if I want to. I'm tired. I've concentrated hard on taking care of the horses and breeding the two mares. I know what to do, but I forget some things. I'm glad Lom knew just what to do.
Just after breakfast the construction workers came. I looked them each over to make sure they were the right ones. It never bothered me before, but the consistent banging makes my heart beat faster. I don't know why, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of a lot of things, but I don't tell the Kid and I'm not going to tell Lom. I think Chrissy knows when I'm afraid.
But now I need to find the catalog the Kid uses to order things. I heard Lom ask to have the sheriff come out to the ranch, so I need to find it by then. I hope it's not in Chrissy's room. I'm not allowed in Chrissy's room. Nobody is unless she invites them in. The Kid told me that first thing about living here. I went in there once when I wasn't invited. Bad things happened. I found my gun and the Kid went to jail. I know not to go in there again without her permission.
I found the catalog in the kitchen drawer.
"What are you looking for, Heyes?" Lom got himself a glass of water and put one in front of me.
He watches quietly while I turn the pages until I find what I want. I point to a white shirt like the one the Kid had worn to my parole meeting. Dr. Arden had ended up cutting it away from his back in the wagon.
"Good thinking, Heyes. What size do you think the Kid takes now?"
I shrugged my shoulders. The Kid's shoulders are broader now, his back stronger.
"Let's go look." Lom led me to the Kid's room. Lom was sleeping in there. I'm allowed to go in here without asking. I would never hurt the Kid. But I did hurt him. He went to prison because of me. He's hurt in the hospital because of me. Maybe he wouldn't want me in his room after all. I stay in the hallway and look in as Lom finds a shirt in the Kid's top dresser drawer. He reaches in and looks at something else too, but I can't see what it is. It looks like a picture frame. I can tell he buried it under the shirt again. I won't go into the Kid's room any more unless he gives me permission. I am trying to be good. I want this to be my home if he lets me.
"Got the size. What you say we order him two new shirts. The ones I saw in his drawer are looking old."
I nod and Lom makes out the order for two white shirts. I put it in an envelope with the money to give to Jeff Birde to place the order.
Lom had a good idea. "Going to ask him to send one to the hospital so he can wear it home."
Lom puts the envelope by the front door, so he'll remember to give it to Sheriff Birde to take to town.
I'm curious what Lom was looking at in the Kid's drawer, but I can't ask him. I have trouble even writing. It takes me a long time to pull each letter of each word from my brain. And I won't go into the Kid's room to look. I don't want him to be disappointed with me. I want to stay here with him.
JED 'KID' CURRY
With the laudanum, I can't fight the nightmares. They come in waves and break over me. The day our parents were killed happens again. I'm grown up now, but I still can't help them. The quiet nights at Valparaiso, laying in my bed, alone in the dark, my parents gone, my sisters gone and Han sleepin' in a room with the bigger boys.
I don't wake up, but my nightmares change to dreams. They become quieter, brighter, not threatenin'. In these dreams, someone…Chrissy?...is gently rubbin' my hair. No, my bald head. I have no hair, only cuts from the razor. I had no hair for years in prison. I was glad when it grew out. It hid the scar on the back of my head. And I felt more like a person, not a prisoner, not a slave. I dream Chrissy is lightly touchin' my head like she used to when she'd run her fingers through my hair.
"Chrissy darlin', here for her Jed. Shhh. Shhh. Chrissy Darlin' take care of her Jed." Even if it was just a dream, her voice settled me into a restful sleep, chasin' away the nightmares. The dream of her voice stayed with me as she started readin' Black Beauty.