CHAPTER EIGHT
SINKING BOATS

Come on, come on
Put your hands into the fire
Explain, explain
As I turn, I meet the power
- Into the Fire, by Erin McCarley

The night escapes me in a miserable slush of silent walks through dark forests that I used to know, and Scorpius's sad, sad eyes. Before I know it, I'm lying in my bed, with smudged mascara haunting around my eyes and a pair of feet that are way too cold for comfort.

Morning comes quickly, the light arriving mercilessly as rays of sunshine peek through the blinds I drew so carelessly upon my return.

And Scorpius.

"Wake up ho, we're going swimming."

I sit up in my bed, looking around groggily. He's standing by the door, gazing at me with a somewhat impatient look.

"Sweet mercy, you look horrible," Scorpius notes in a cheery voice.

"Gee, thanks. Remind me to ask you to wake me up this way every morning, yeah?"

He ignores me, walking over to my closet and sifting through clothes. "It's a new day, a new start, Sugar."

He throws a pair of jeans and a pink t-shirt I've never worn on the bed. I eye the garment sourly.

"Oh, stop pouting." Scorpius snaps, sitting down on the bed.

He looks around slowly, seemingly noticing that something is amiss in the room.

"Something's different. What happened here?"

I pick at the linen. "I may or may not have thrown my paintings of Ted out the window last night."

There is a silence in the room for a moment as we both stare out the window, then Scorpius sighs, "I must say, you have one fine throw, pumpkin."

"Thanks," I shrug, mulling. Scorpius eyes me sideways, before nudging me.

"Something up?"

"No." I grumble.

"Well, clearly everything's peachy. Or should I say Pippa?"

That sets off the waterworks.

Scorpius seems a bit taken a back. I try smiling, but it ends up in a grimace anyways. And I suppose the whole bawling ruins it, too.

"Whoa, hon. No need to flood the house!" Scorpius laughs nervously, patting me on my back with a hesitant hand. He sits down on the edge of the bed, looking mildly uncomfortable.

"I knooow," I wail through tears.

"What's wrong?"

"E-e-everything-g-g! Nobody loo-oves me. T-T-Ted-d-d d-d-doesn't l-love me!"

"Now, clearly that's not true!"

I side-eye him. "H-h-how did you figure that out?"

"Well, Clem still loves you!"

I send him a death-glare through my tears.

"Oh. Well. Cookies?" He shoves a blue tinned box in my direction.

I stop him with another glare.

"Oh-kay… Honestly, woman, I don't get you. Cookies solve everything. All the world's problems can be answered by cookies."

"T-they can't, really." I sniffle, drying my nose on my sleeve.

Scorpius wrinkles his nose at me. "No, I suppose diets can't really be solved by cookies… But they do have these lightweight ones!"

"Scorpius!"

"Oh, well." He pats me gently on the back. "We'll fix this right up, love. No worries. Uncle Scorpius will get that boy hot and bothered so that he'll hop right into the… "

"Scorp, he's not gay."

"No, silly, we'll just have to do a bit tit for tat… well. Perhaps a bit more tit than tat," he adds, peeking down my blouse.

"SCORPIUS!"

Scorpius shrugs, "Don't act like it's something I haven't seen before. You're not that innocent."

I right myself, drying my eyes with my sleeves. "I'm not saying that! I'm just saying that Ted isn't like that, he values what's inside – "

"Oh purhlease, sugarbits, that Ted is a guy and any guy, and I mean any guy, is visual. Have you seen Pippa's boobs?"

I pause. "Well –"

Scorpius rolls his eyes. "It's not about the size, but the presentation. Even your b-cups –"

"C-cup –" I interrupt quickly.

Scorpius raises an eyebrow at me, "You keep telling yourself that…"

"They are!"

"Okay. Anyways, all I'm saying is that we need to make a neat little presentation of these babies here… To remind him what he's been missing." he murmurs grabbing at my boobies.

I look down, half at mind at reprimanding him, other half, up giving.

"I didn't even pack a bathing suit, Scorp."

"Oh, no worries, I've got it covered."

It appears that Scorpius's terms of 'having it covered' meant having absolutely nothing covered.

"Scorpius, I'm practically naked," I hiss through the bathroom door. "I want my old bikini back".

"Honey, that's what normal people call a bikini. That thing you called a bikini was ancient." Scorpius's eyes blink slowly at me through the gap. "Besides, you can't get it back. I threw it out."

"You what?"

"Threw it out," the idiot repeats as if nothing's wrong. "It was a raggy old thing and frankly this is much better."

I sigh, slightly panicky. "I'm not sure about this."

"Sure you are, it'll be amazing."

"Scorpius –" I begin, but stop, my throat tight. "I'm not like you, Scorpius, I feel – I feel like some sort of promiscuous, scarlet woman – "

"Promiscuous? Scarlet woman?" Scorpius laughs loudly, "Man, honey, you need to get a new vocabulary."

There's a long moment in which I stare at the mirror, listening to Scorpius's breathing outside the door. I hear the sound of his forehead hitting the door. We exhale together. I close my eyes.

"On the other hand, enjoy this feeling of… I dunno, freedom? I doubt being Miranda's darling is going to allow you to wander off to Grimsby and strut your stuff. You'll do just fine without me – all you have to wear is pencilskirts and dress-shirts. Not like you're going to have any fashion crisis."

I am silent for a while. I had completely forgotten about the promotion. It means leaving Scorpius who's been in the cubicle next to mine for the past four and a half years. He's been my family. It means leaving Teddy again. My stomach drops.

Scorpius taps against the door, "Darling, I'm kidding. Of course I'll come and visit you on the top floor. And I'll bring clothes too! I don't care what the cat-lady thinks – I'll glam you right up."

I open the door smiling. Scorpius is leaning against the doorway, wearing dark swimming trunks. He grins at me, his face splitting right open.

I side-eye him.

"What? No speedos?" I ask, pretending to be shocked.

Scorpius rolls his eyes, "I need to leave something up to the imagination."

I pout, "What about me? Don't I get to leave anything up for the imagination."

"You, honey, are desperate. Desperate times call for whorish measures."

"Gosh, you make me feel so special."

Scorpius smacks my bottom, laughing devilishly. "Let's get going, Miss scarlet woman."

It's just where the sky meets the ocean and I think it may be the best place in the world. It's where we always used to row out into the bay, on that quiet corner where stray leaves and abandoned pieces of humanity come to find their resting place. We used to sit and stare at each other from across each our end of the boat. There had always been a mist surrounding us, guarding us from the world. Guarding my blue-eyed younger self.

The current had been strong, pulling us further into the bay. It had always been a game of dare, to see how long we'd be able to sit there, doing nothing, allowing the current to take us onwards. It had always been a game, and it still is.

"I swear, this monster is going to choke me before I get to the due date." Lily moans from underneath a black sunhat. "Sweet Merlin, put me out of my misery soon."

I smile gently, playing absently with a blade of grass at my feet. "When's the due date?"

"Two more weeks of wobbling and then I'm spewing this one out," she puffs. "Thank Merlin."

"Should be well out of the wedding, then? That's good, I suppose?"

Lily grimaces and glances upward towards the sun. "Meh. That doesn't stop me from looking like a whale on all the photos."

"You're glowing," I smile. "You're absolutely gorgeous."

I try to keep the reverence out of my voice, but fail. Lily smiles, but doesn't say anything else, her sarcasm drying up. Dom squeezes my hand silently.

I don't like the seriousness that settles between us; thick, uneasy and foreign.

I turn to face Dom. She's reading Sense and Sensibility on a sunbed with her angel-hair fanned out, framing her face. I smile at her heart-shaped sunglasses.

"I'm so glad you came."

"Me too." Dom's smile spreads slowly. She puts down the book slowly. "Hey, did you get my message? I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, sorry about not haven't had time to answer. There's… there's been a lot."

Dom nods slowly, but her mouth puckers delicately into her usual disapproving smile. "I really need to talk with you. There's so much that's happened in five years. Gosh, Lucy. Five years is a long time."

We're broken off by Pippa's squeal as Ted and her splash in the water. Pippa is in the tiniest bathing suit I have ever seen. My number has nothing on hers. And yes, Scorpius is right about those boobs. I eye them jealously as she bounces, grabbing Ted's arms. Ted is laughing loudly, holding onto Pippa's waist as he tugs her into the water. Behind them, the ferry is making its way across the bay.

"Luce?"

Distracted, I hear myself say, "Yeah. Sure, okay."

Ted's swimming trunks are blue. The ripples of his muscles in his back send a shiver of a memory down my spine with a hollow familiarity.

I get up, determined. "I'll set the fire."

Ted 22, Lucy 19

His breathing is hard against my neck. I blink slowly, feeling his bare chest expand against mine. His skin is soft and cool against mine. We sink closer, inches or miles, tugging into each other. His fingers splay across the expand of my back. We can't get close enough.

I shift and pull his face up to meet mine. He exhales deeply into my mouth, pulling me closer. I push him back, hovering over his face. He blinks slowly up at me, his deep, never-ending gentle eyes. I'll drown in them.

"It's too strong. It'll never last." My breathing's low, my eyes shut closed. "It's too strong. I love you too much."

I write love-notes on his skin, bathing it in kisses. I trace his jaw, the small spatter of freckles along the curve of his cheek. I stare into his deep brown eyes. He only has one face when he's here with me. The brown eyed boy. The one I'll spend the rest of my life with. We don't need the money, or the people. We've got it all here. Right in this room, right in the space between us.

I spend an extra long time just below his navel; rubbing kisses everywhere, listening to his sighs and shivers, to his deep hushed words of honesty. Inside these four walls, we'll have eternity. He'll take everything. I give it all.

I listen to his love, his merciful love, with his hands gripping the small of my back. His lips parted for the sound of my name.

He gives it all. I take everything.

I start setting up the fire at the outskirts of our camp, as far removed from everyone. Once it gets going, I slowly make my way back to the others. They've all gone into the lake now.

"Come join us, Luce!" Dom yells from the water, standing next to Scorpius's tall frame.

"Coming," I smile and turn around. No getting out of it now. I slowly shimmer out of my clothes, my stomach tight with nerves.

The wind is icy against my skin and goosebumps prickle up as I remove my clothes.

I hear catchcall from the water and Lily's amused voice, "Damn girl!"

I slowly turn around, beet red in the face. The first thing I see is Ted's fierce stare at me. At me. I gape at him, unable to look away. Pippa is talking animatedly to him, but he's ignoring her. I feel his eyes everywhere again. And it feels good and wrong, all at the same time.

I feel the heat climbing my cheeks. I feel the lower part of my stomach tightening in response. And it feels way too real, way too close. I close my eyes. I can still see the shadow of his silhouette in a dark room at dawn. It still haunts me. Even now.

"Up we go!" Suddenly I'm upside-down as Scorpius picks me up, carrying me towards the lake.

"Scorpius!" I flail my arms uselessly against his back as he trots down to the water.

"Scorpius!" I yell again to no use. I bat my arms against his brick-back. I hear his laugh.

"Scorpius I'm pretty sure I'm flashing something," I hiss.

"Oh, trust me sugarbits, you're showing him just what he needs to see," Scorpius says calmly, before dumping me in the ice-cold water.

Watching Scorpius cook is almost worth having to endure Pippa's giggles. He's all cheffy, attitude and biting commands. Dom joins in on his banter, yelling commands right along with him from her sunbed. She shines in a way she hasn't since I got here. It kind of makes me sad, to see that. Somehow I hadn't noticed it has been missing.

When Lily asks who wants to catch the fish, I immediately volunteer to go fishing. I need the space, the silence and the calm. I need time away from Pippa and her noisy love.

I walk through the shrubs, away from the camp. Soon, the woods embrace me in its soft greenery as I am isolated from the world. The only sound is my breathing and the soft crunches as I step over tree-trunks and shrubbery.

After a while I hear a familiar humming. I stop up, grinning largely despite myself.

"You always do that."

"Huh?" Ted appears through the wilderness, holding an old battered fishing rod.

"You always hum. I always know it's you when I hear your humming."

Ted smiles, "I didn't know that."

The silence is much too large between us, his eyes way too soft. I look away and march to the water.

"I bet I can catch a bigger fish than yours," I yell over my shoulder, half-panicked, half in love. Desperately in love.

Ted laughs loudly, following swiftly behind me. "Oh, you're on, Weasley, you're on."

"Mine is definitely bigger than yours!"

"I can't believe you even have to measure, Luce. Mine's hugely bigger than yours."

"Oh, sod it. You're so wrong, Lupin. You're so, so wrong," I say gleefully, as I pull the fish towards shore. The line is heavy, as it slowly makes its way towards us.

"Come on, fishy. Come ooooon, fishy."

Ted side-eyes me, "Seriously? Luce, it's a fish."

I ignore him. "Come on, big boy. Come to Momma."

It comes to land, splash down in the mud between us. We're silent for a while, staring. The fish stops flapping its tail, finally coming to lie lifeless on land.

Ted finally breaks the silence. "Yup. Mine's definitely bigger."

"Of course it isn't," I bite, irritated. Angry even. I feel it stir in my gut, scorching to my insides. The anger surfaces quickly, as if it's been stirring underneath the surface for some time. Irrationally mad, I glare up at him through my stringy hair.

And he's just staring at me kindly. It sets me off, and the anger disappears like the morning dew.

There's a rustle from the bushes behind us, and Lily suddenly appears through the scrubs and thicket of threes. She eyes the pair of us with the lifeless fish lying on the ground, raising an eyebrow, "Did I just interrupt a game of who's biggest?"

We both shrug sheepishly.

Lily laughs, "Honestly, you guys never grow up. Can I take them now? You know, so that we can eat?"

We nod mutely, watching as she snatches the two fairly large fish (with mine being the biggest, of course). She leaves with a knowing smirk thrown over her shoulder at us.

Ted turns to me. "You owe me 50, Luce. Mine was the biggest. Admit it."

"I will not," I smile evilly. "You still owe me from last time."

Ted looks outraged. "The last time? That was six years ago!"

"So?" I shrug, "I should put interests on that shit."

Ted quirks an eyebrow, "I don't think you can put interests on sexual favours…"

"Oh," I turn red. "I was thinking about the bet about who'd get children first of the Weasley/Potters."

"Oh. Oh." Ted turns beetred. It makes me giggle.

"What?" He asks annoyed, looking away.

"You're still the worst blusher in the world."

"Harh, harh, harh," he laughs irritated, fanning his face. "Ted Lupin can't blush without looking like a tomato."

"It's more like a radishy colour, me thinks."

"Put a sock in it, will ya," Ted hits my head.

I laugh even harder, gripping his hand instinctively. He squeezes back, holding on to it. Our eyes meet, my insides blooming at the ease between us. He smiles.

The sun has fled the skies quite suddenly. My mood soon follows suit as Ted and I near the campsite. I find the path with no trouble. I think I could have found it in my sleep. We move through the greenery in silence. I think I catch him glancing over at me, opening his mouth, but he never stops to say anything.

He probably doesn't know what to say either. How he should make up for the many years between us. I had always imagined, that I would feel the moment that we passed each other by in the crowd. Now, we're just two strangers standing miles apart, suddenly realizing that we lost it all.

When we return to the camp, chaos has broken out. Someone, it appears, has put honey in Pippa's sun cream. The result being that Pippa now has been attacked by mosquitos and a harsh sunburn.

"Teddy, look at my skin!" She wails to him the moment we step into the camp.

I must admit that it looks kind of nasty. Her skin is all red and blotchy with huge bumps from mosquitos. Even Ted looks slightly revolted.

"No worries, Pippa! I know the perfect spell for this," Lily waddles up to a distraught Pippa.

Pippa looks at her with manic eyes, "Really? Oh, please, please, please, I'll love you forever…"

"I'll just… yeah…" I mutter and step away, as the two girls begin on the spells.

As we move away from the girls, Ted mutters, "Honey in the sun cream! I wonder who did it…"

"Yeah," I murmur, but say nothing more. Scorpius looking way too innocent for my liking, cleaning an frying pan with much too much attention.

Darkness quietly envelops the small clearing in the woods with its people. I watch a rabbit scramble away in the wet green foliage, chased away by Scorpius's loud laughter. Everyone's seated around the fire, the skinny carcases of fish shivering in the air behind them. I stand, watching them for some time, before Scorpius waves me over.

I see Pippa curled up against Ted, his arms around her. I can feel his gaze like a pair of razor beams, blinding me. Scorpius and James are sitting with their heads tugged together, laughing loudly. I sit down on a log and I do the exact opposite of what I had envisioned myself doing. I sit and stare silently at everyone.

Dom sits down beside me, her footsteps squelching heavily in the wet turf.

"I need to talk to you," she says, glancing over at Ted who's staring at us from across the fire.

"Alright. Talk," I shrug.

"No, not here," Dom looks uneasy, "But I need to talk to you, like soon. Not here, but soon."

I stare at her, confused. "Um, okay."

She looks like she wants to say more, her lips parted with no sound. She looks tormented. I wonder, if she's about to lecture me on all my wrongdoings. She would know. I block the last memory of her like this expertly, of the cabin, the sea and France. Expertly, I look away from her.

"Luce!" Scorpius calls, and I turn, desperately looking for saviour. He waves me over. I look at Dom again. Her eyes are wide, her expression solemn. I halt,

"I need to dash, but how about tomorrow?"

"It's pretty urgent, Lucy."

"Yeah, yeah. Everything alright, Dom?" I touch her hand gently without thinking. My touch seems to snap her out of it. She nods, twice.

"Yeah," she sinks, "Yeah. But I really need to tell you… It's been nagging me for so long, and I – "

"Everything alright?" Ted is standing just behind me, smiling down with sweet marshmallow-puff around his mouth. Even so, I find him bewilderingly beautiful.

"Yeah," I smile. "Dom was just about to tell me –"

"Nothing," Dom smiles brightly and very unnaturally. Her teeth blind me for a moment. Wow.

"Talk to you tomorrow, Luce," she says, her fingers squeeze my shoulder for a moment too long, before she sits back down beside Lily.

"Lucy! Come on. You'd think you'd know your own name by now, eh?" Scorpius yells from his spot. He's sitting together with Pippa, his arm around her.

"I'm telling ya, all this northern wind and fresh air is bad for my sugar muffin," he says to Pippa in a carrying whisper. Pippa giggles loudly.

"Sugar muffin? Since when was I a –" I begin, but stop.

Oh.

Oh.

Scorpius is sitting together with Pippa, who's smiling widely, showing all her sharp, pointy teeth.

"Me and Pippa were just talking about how the two of us met, do you remember that, honey munchkin?" Scorpius gives me a pointed look.

"Uh, yeah?"

"How I saved you from that awful bunch of self-cleaning utilities."

I blink at Scorpius for a few moments, only Scorpius would think of something like that.

"Uhu, That's right, darling."

"That's so romantic –" gushes Pippa.

"Yep, that's my man." I cough, amazed at how normal my voice sounds. I sit down at the tip of the bench, before slowly inching closer to Scorpius. It feels awkward and forced. And Scorpius's cologne is making me sneeze.

I try toying with his hair, but I felt ridiculous, so I soon stop. Seemingly sensing my complete incompetence at being coy, Scorpius grabs my hand and kisses it.

Ted is staring at me from across the fire. I thought it would feel good, like some sort of self-righteous justice. I thought evening the playing field would make all the difference, that watching him in pain, would make my own pain seem less immense. I thought sinking his boat, would make my own float. But as it turns out, now we're both sinking, losing in this game.

I spend the next hour nodding or leaning my head against Scorpius's shoulder. I don't really hear what he entertains Pippa with, I only manage to smile and laugh at moments when Scorpius tugs at my elbow. I watch detachedly as his deft fingers find my little finger, merging fingers. His fingers are too smooth, to slender to my own and my own hand feels giant in his.

And somehow, I am standing again, heading towards the lake where everything begins and ends. With the distance between them and me, the trees hiding me from view, I feel like I can breathe again.

And then Ted is there, emerging from the woods.

Ted 22, Lucy 19

I press indigo into the curve of our smile. Blossom gold inches across miles of our love. I stroke sweet cotton love into our heartstrings. Somehow our house comes to stand quite easily between it all on canvas. On a blank opus life is mine to create. I draw easily with a light hand.

Hands inch around me, caressing my stomach. His lips flutter at the nape of my neck. I laugh involuntarily as he presses his back against me.

"You're chipper," I laugh in between strokes of happiness.

"Can't a guy be a bit proud that he convinced his girlfriend to move in with him?"

I turn to face him, kissing him deeply. "I can't believe I fell for such a smug and haughty Gryffindor."

He wraps an arm around my waist, dragging me across his body. "Damn right, I'm smug," he smiles. "And insanely happy."

He kisses the side of my neck as I return to painting. "Darren and some friends are coming over. Are you okay here painting?"

"Of course."

Ted laughs at the tone in my voice. "I love you. Seriously, this stuff is good. You should do it as a profession."

I look up at him. "Someone called about the paintings actually. They want to have a meeting."

"Really?" Ted kisses me again, "That's amazing, Luce!"

He pulls me closer, inside the space of happiness that always remains ours. "My girlfriend, the famous painter," he says, testing it. "I like it!"

"He's a nice bloke, your guy," Ted says slowly.

I stare at him. It's different than it was before. He's still friendly, amicable. I still feel the world stir when our eyes meet and I still feel like he's the beginning to my end.

Yet he's closed off. Something has been shut down.

"Bullshit." The words are out of my mouth before I have a chance to catch them.

Ted stares at me, the façade cracking. "Sorry?"

I lean back to see his face. I detect no trace of surprise, and yes, at least he must have expected this much.

"We all fucked up tonight," I say instead. "You were looking out for the wrong girl. And I was staring at the wrong guy."

Ted doesn't answer, his face unreadable. The words seem to hang there for some time, so I continue on, in an effort at killing the silence.

"Oh, come on, Ted. Stop being so quiet and dark."

He raises his eyebrows, the calmness evaporating. "I'm quiet and dark? Luce, you have been walking around like a big black cloud ever since you got here. So tell me, please, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I bite, the words echoing in my ears and making fresh tears prickle in the backs of my eyes.

The silence is just as glaring as the space between us. Ted steps closer, hesitantly at first before gaining momentum, certain as he steps in front of me.

"Stop thinking you're so alienated from everyone. You're so loved here."

His voice is softer than soft, luring me into forgetting that I'm the wrong woman. He steps close, his arms finally wrapping around me. And it's like a switch has been switched off and I melt against him.

"I want to meet the wolves you've been running around with." I swallow, asking for more than I could possibly hope for.

Ted's voice sounds happy. "Sure. I'll invite you over some time. They're great all of them."

I nod silently against his stomach. I don't know what to say anymore. I just want to stay here witt him.

"I… I've been trying to make amends, I think," Ted says then.

"Not necessary," I manage to murmur against his chest, his belt buckle pressing into my stomach. Ted's fingers tighten against my own in return, but he remains quite silent. We stand there for an eternity in the dusk of night by the bay of Grimsby, wrapped together tightly like a present so that we can't tell each other apart.

In front of us, the light from the slowly departing ferry keeps us company.