Several weeks had gone by since the drama that went down in the infirmary after Harry ended up poisoned in Horace Slughorn's office. That night started because Ginny Weasley sent love potion infused chocolates to Harry, but Draco ate some and became in love with her. Harry figured it out and took him to Horace to fix things.
When Horace offered the kids a small drink from his bottle of alcohol, Harry drank first and nearly died in seconds if it hadn't been for Draco's quick thinking to locate a bezoar in Slughorn's things, then get it down Harry's throat in the nick of time. Things went south in the hospital wing, Poppy calling on Albus, Minerva, and Sirius, who brought Remus along for Harry's sake to inform them of what occurred.
Draco called Severus away from a death eater meeting for Harry and then all hell broke loose between Sirius arguing with Severus, so it came out that Harry and Severus were actually married. Bonded. That wasn't the hard part, it was Harry losing his temper with Sirius for always seeing him as James Potter and Harry letting his godfather have it by telling him just how much he'd suffered.
Harry never meant for it to all come out, but he was upset and hurt by how Sirius behaved. The night ended with Severus basically kicking everyone who had been there out of the infirmary, and letting Harry breakdown until he fell asleep. Severus never left his side that night, the man slept in his clothes in a transfigured chair, holding Harry's hand until the next morning.
Harry got a clean bill of health from Poppy, and Severus, then hid out the rest of the weekend with his husband. Harry didn't want to see anyone, and just took the two weekend days to calm down and prepare to get back to his normal for the week.
Such had happened. Harry returned to his dorm that Sunday night, ensured his assignments were ready for Monday, then on that day; he went to all his classes. None of his friends brought up what was said in the hospital, and thankfully, none of them told anyone else.
It was private information and they knew Harry probably hadn't wanted it coming out, so they wouldn't push him to talk about things. Harry was pretty quiet all month, but he got his work done as expected and went to meals. It was easy to see that there was concern in his demeanor.
Minerva already brought it up to Severus once, and it was just agreed they'd keep an eye on him. If Harry showed signs of shutting down, they'd act. It was currently, Thursday, the 20th of March. Severus was in his office of the dungeons, correcting work when he heard knocking on his door and looked up.
"Come in." Severus said. The door opened to reveal Draco, the teenager came in and closed the door behind him. "What a pleasant surprise to see you, godson. What brings you by on this early Sunday morning?" He inquired, motioning for the boy to come closer and have a seat in one of the available chairs in front of the desk.
"I think you need to talk to Harry, Uncle Severus." Draco informed.
"Has something happened to make you think I have to speak with him?" Severus asked.
"This is more precautionary that something doesn't happen." Draco sighed. "Look, he's just…I don't know. He's suffering, Uncle Severus. He barely eats during meals, he's always distancing himself from my friends and I, even his Gryffindor ones. Merlin, he's not sleeping either. He's been using silencing charms at night, but we broke through two nights ago…"
"Sev, he was screaming so hard it gave him a sore throat the next morning. We've tried to ask if he's alright, but he just tells us he's great and only focused on his work. We're worried. He hasn't been right since what happened that night in the infirmary." He stated. "Please, just talk to him. Try?"
Severus sighed. "I've noticed, Draco. Harry hasn't been coming by here either, skipping out on training, telling me he's tired or swamped with assignments." He said.
"Is it true?" Draco questioned, glancing at the floor. "Was…He really raped by his aunt's husband at eleven? Molested years prior to?"
"I'm afraid it is, Draco." Severus nodded. "Harry confided this to me long before the rest of you knew. The night we stayed at your house after the New Year's party…Harry and I spoke, he told me what Sirius did and things led into the molestation and rape from there. Harry had told me he was twelve, the first time it happened."
"Why did he tell you twelve if he told everyone eleven?" Draco wondered.
"I do not know, godson. I would assume it's because he didn't want to incur my anger with the truth of how young he actually was." Severus remarked. "I understand you're worried for Harry, but I think he just needs some time. Trudging up his past, Sirius's betrayal; he needs time to cope."
"Uncle Sev…I think the time is making it worse." Draco informed. "This is…It's worse than before the night I found him hanging off the Astronomy tower. It's not just worry, we're scared that he's falling too far and that he'll try to do something that isn't jumping to his death because he knows we're watching him." The teenager admitted.
"He's become…Very conservative, Uncle Severus. Always long sleeves, refuses to dress in front of us and before, you know how it is in the dorms. Shirts off when changing, or even pants. Never full nudity, but Harry is always fully dressed." He continued.
"Do you feel he's harming himself, Draco? Finding a way to do it while he's always alone, keeping it hidden?" Severus asked.
"Yes…But I don't want to confront him and drive him away more. I-I felt the only thing I could do to help him was to get you." Draco confessed. "You told me…Two years ago after I told you about the tower thing, if I saw any signs of Harry wanting to kill himself, to report it to you. I don't see signs, but it's just…A feeling that he's not in a good place. It's not just me, all his friends think so. Please, talk to him…?" Draco begged.
Severus couldn't ignore that. Not as a teacher. Not as Harry's husband. "I will talk to him over the holiday, keep an eye on him throughout the day. If anything happens, you bring him right to me."
"Yes, Uncle Severus." Draco nodded. The teenager stood up and exited the room.
Severus sat back. Yeah. This was really bad. Why hadn't he felt it? Shouldn't the bond be alerting him if anything distressing with his husband? Severus needed to get through to Harry over the Easter holiday. Severus didn't want to lose him; he couldn't. Severus realized it. Narcissa and Lucius were right, Severus was in love with Harry. He wasn't falling anymore; he was in love with him.
. . .
A little before dinner time, Severus got a summons from Albus about a staff meeting. The man made quick work getting to the meeting room and entered as the last one to arrive.
"Ah, Severus…You're here." Albus stated.
"How very observant you are, Headmaster." Severus drawled, folding his arms over one another.
"Have a seat?" Albus offered.
"No, thank you." Severus replied. "Get on with your meeting, Albus. I have packing to do for the holiday and a husband to check on." There was no reason to hide it anymore. Everyone in the school, both staff and students, knew Severus and Harry were married and bonded.
"Well, this is about young Harry." Minerva claimed. "I'm sure if you have to check on him, Severus, you're aware that it's clear he is not alright."
"And he hasn't been since the night in the infirmary." Poppy added.
"We can all see it, and so can his friends." Albus informed.
"I am most aware of my husband's behavior but it will do no good to jump on his case." Severus revealed. "Just this morning my godson visited me and asked me to speak to Harry about whatever is bothering him."
"Then why haven't you!?" Minerva gasped.
"Minerva, settle yourself." Severus told her. "I don't need to ask him what's wrong because I know." He added. "Harry's been suffering needlessly for years, and he's always put on a very brave, happy front…But eventually, everything comes to the surface and Black clearly pressed the wrong buttons to activate Harry snapping at him." The potions master said.
"I think he was a bit too hard on his godfather." Albus said calmly.
Oh, Severus was not doing this with the old man. "I think it was called for and if anything, too light. Black had it coming for a long time, some light shed to Harry's dark life that he missed out on."
"Come now, Severus…" Albus sighed.
"Severus, we're worried about Harry. We feel he's slipping into the darkness. Not joining the dark side, but venturing to a bad place mentally." Minerva stated.
"How do you expect him to heal from the past when he continues to be hurt in the present?" Severus remarked. "Sirius was supposed to be the one person Harry could count on and the fool screwed up."
"Sirius just misses James, surely you remember how close those boys all were?" Albus reminded.
"You do not get to go there, Albus," Severus commented. "You don't even know what Black did for Harry to want to get away so badly that he asked me to marry him at the end of fifth year and you're no saint in this either. You had just as much a part to play in Harry's suffering."
"What did Sirius do, Severus?" Filius inquired.
"Black hit him, across the face and pinned him down, which triggered Harry remembering when he was raped by his uncle and Sirius is an uncle figure to Harry, so he panicked and got scared. His magic threw Sirius off and Harry escaped to the Weasley's, asking if he could tag along with them to catch the train."
"It happened about a year ago, during the Easter hols. By the end of fifth year, Harry had come to me to ask I marry him to get him out of needing a guardian by having a spouse." Severus explained.
"But how did this hitting thing happen?" Poppy questioned.
"According to Harry, Sirius had always made little slip-ups of calling Harry as James, making the comparisons through fourth year, and it got worse in fifth. Sirius was only ever calling Harry as James, and when Harry finally got fed up; Sirius hit him, told him to stop being a twat and have some fun like the old days. Wrestled him like he was with James, that's how Harry ended up pinned down." Severus told them.
"I only just learned of what Sirius did to Harry over Christmas holiday, Harry hadn't told me before when I asked after he requested I marry him. All he told me was that Sirius wasn't alright, and couldn't see Harry anymore. So Harry came to live with me at the end of fifth year, and we married after his sixteenth birthday while Remus helped get Sirius checked into St. Mungo's for treatment."
"You told me Harry was with them over the holidays, and only saw them at the celebration." Albus said. "Was Harry actually at your house when I came there to ask you to help search for him."
"Yes, right upstairs in my room." Severus confessed. "I won't apologize, Headmaster. You told me it was my duty to protect Harry, and that's all I've been doing."
"I told you to keep him safe, Severus…Not marry him. You understand that this can reach Voldemort, that you married Harry, or he'll kill you?" Albus remarked.
"He's not going to find out. We've been married for months and he hasn't asked once. His only link to the ministry is Lucius, and he won't betray me." Severus argued. "Where do you get off worrying about Voldemort? Harry knows the prophecy and he'll defeat the bastard eventually. Why do you get to sit there and worry about such a small thing instead of the big problem that Harry's suffering and you're the one at fault?"
"Severus!" Minerva scolded.
"All I did was protect Harry," Albus informed.
"That's what you said you were going to do, but it's not what you did, Albus and we both know it. You said you would keep him safe, and he suffered more than anyone ever should. Don't make me have to repeat it, Headmaster…You left him with those awful people for some stupid blood protection."
"Sure, it kept him safe from the dark lord, what about the people inside? Who were beating and starving him. Left him to be molested and raped. He wasn't safe, and if it had been me; I'd have broken a long time ago." Severus narrowed his eyes. "How the hell that boy does it is beyond me, but more power to him."
"Severus…If Harry is this bad off, then I think he's already broken," Poppy commented.
"Rest assured, Poppy, I won't let anything happen to him. Yes, he's very upset and hurt, but he'll recover with time. I'll personally see to it." Severus said. "What happened to Harry is your fault, Albus. Until I take my last breath, I won't let you forget it. I am eternally grateful for the sanctuary you've provided me when I came to you years ago…"
"But I did not risk my life to betray the dark lord just to see Harry fall because of you too. You swore to me Lily would be safe if I gave you anything. I gave you my full allegiance, and became your spy. You roped me into keeping Harry safe and I agreed. Why have I been doing all this if you're the one who has ended up hurting him."
"You caused this depression and you have never fought to protect him, not like I have. I kept him safe during his first quidditch match and then all the others he played in beyond that. I put myself between Remus's claws and Harry when he had forgotten his potion." Severus continued.
"I risk my neck every day as your spy so you have information on Voldemort's plans, while also doubling to protect Harry. Don't get me started on you letting that pink nightmare in here, and she was using a blood quill on Harry. I've seen the scars. Why have I been doing it all if you're the one putting him in danger?" Severus asked.
"Harry would have been perfectly safe with Sirius if you hadn't interfered fifteen years ago and just let his godfather take him like he was legally allowed to. Black might have been hurt that James and Lily were killed, but he hadn't yet been affected by dementors; he was okay mentally. But no, you just had to step in, didn't you?" Severus scoffed.
"You sent Black after Pettigrew, and you promised Harry would be safe. He was not for ten long, painful years; he was not safe. And Harry asked you, end of first and second year…To remove him, you refused thinking the blood wards were more important than the fact that boy was being molested and raped. Abused and starved. You and Black did this, and Harry's the one suffering because of it." Severus glared.
"You might be my employer, Albus, but make no mistake that Harry is my husband and I won't let you hurt him anymore. I won't let Black hurt him anymore. I won't let anyone hurt him, even if that means I face Voldemort myself to protect him. I'd give up being a spy if it meant I never had to risk being ordered to bring Harry to the dark lord himself." The potions master declared.
A pause. "I will take care of Harry. He needs time, and support…But not suffocation. I told you, he's upset and hurt. Everything is piling up and he's never had proper coping mechanisms before. I will handle it. Now, are we quite finished with this meeting? I have things to do…Like make sure my husband recovers because in all your planning, Albus, I'm sure it's escaped your notice that if Harry doesn't cope properly or recover from what he's been through; he'll be in no shape to actually defeat Voldemort."
"As it stands, Harry's leaning very close to the edge and it was Draco who pulled him back the first time two years ago. According to my godson this morning, where Harry is now, is worse than that. So I hope all your planning was worth it because right now, I don't think Harry gives any care in the world if Voldemort showed up tomorrow and tried to kill him. I don't even think he would fight it. That is where Harry is at right now. So back off and let me fix what you broke." Severus remarked.
The potions master turned on his heel, cape billowing at the movement, then he left the office to get back to his room. Once upon a time, Severus had nothing but respect for Albus. The man didn't immediately kill him when Severus betrayed Voldemort and he came looking for sanctuary.
The man kept him out of Azkaban for being a Death Eater. Severus joined the Order of the Phoenix, and has been working as a spy for them in the meetings Voldemort called. But none of that was ever worth it for a prophecy. None of what has happened was worth it for Harry's life or the suffering he'd endured throughout it.
Severus calmed himself and went on returning to his room to pack for the two week holiday, where he planned to do nothing more than spend time with Harry and try to get the young man to snap out of things. Harry was stubborn, though, it would be hard. The last thing Severus wanted to do was make Harry worse. Maybe they could go on some dates, Harry seemed to really like that when Remus upset him? Severus had to think of things they could do. It would be a good holiday.