Chapter Twenty-Eight: 1.4.3
The next couple of days, Olivia took off from work to stay home with the kids. Noah's rashes were mostly gone, and he was doing fine. But Olivia wasn't, nor was she ready to leave them just yet. Fitz had come by the day after Noah was discharged, but after that he got slammed with work, pulling double shifts back-to-back. He barely had a minute to sit and breathe.
So while everyone else was okay, Fitz was not. He was stressed, tired, and annoyed. His stress and tiredness came from work and his annoyance came only from his girlfriend. Ever since the incident, Claudia had been clingier than ever. She felt bad about what happened and she knew Fitz was upset with her as well, no matter how many times he's told her that he forgave her. She was constantly calling him, texting him, showing up at the hospital looking for him.
Fitz had no idea why Claudia was suddenly so desperate to see him every second, considering that lately every time they got together all they did was bicker. Fitz didn't even know how half the arguments started and he wasn't sure she knew either.
Fitz knew his time with Claudia was coming to an end. He'd felt it coming for a while now. But recently it just seemed that he couldn't even remember why he liked Claudia in the first place. He wasn't sure who had made a change, him or her. And it didn't help their relationship that all he could think about was Olivia.
Ever since they kissed that night at Erika's party, Fitz felt a spark in himself. A jolt of energy. And he knew she felt it too, every time they were in the same room. Although she was better at hiding her desire, Fitz wasn't blind. And this time, he was going to do something about it. Months ago, Fitz had given up hope of Olivia coming back to him. She seemed happy with her knew millionaire boyfriend. And they were in a good space, co-parenting their kids. He was never happy, but he was content. But content wasn't enough for Fitz anymore, he wanted happiness. And he wanted happiness with Olivia. She may have been parading around like she was happy, but Fitz knew the truth. He felt the truth in the kiss they shared. In the looks they give one another when no one is looking. He knew Olivia's true feelings, he just had to get her to admit them to him so they could both stop settling for what they have and go for what they wanted.
Fitz wasn't sure what gave him the balls and determination to confront Olivia, but he was determined to do it now. He finally had a break from work, he had taken time off for Erika's wedding. And after the hellish few days of work he just had, he opted to start his vacation a few days earlier. He slept almost until one o'clock today after his third double shift at the hospital.
He made himself some lunch and then got ready to head out for the day. He was going to Olivia's to see the kids and also take the opportunity to talk to her. When he woke up this morning, he noticed that he had over a dozen missed calls from Claudia and just as many text messages. He hadn't returned any of her calls or responded to any of her text messages. She was the second woman he needed to have a talk with. But that conversation was not going to be an easy one.
Just as he was thinking about her, his phone lit up and her name popped up on the screen. She was calling him yet again, and yet again Fitz let it go to voicemail. He didn't have the time or energy to deal with Claudia. He knew he would have to face her sooner or later, and Fitz was choosing later. But Claudia chose sooner. Fitz went to open his front door and was met with Claudia standing their phone in had and a scowl on her face.
"Claudia."
"So you're not dead and your phone does work." Claudia said. She been calling him for days without answer. She knew he was upset about what happened and upset with her. But she didn't appreciate that he dealt with it by simply ignoring her. She wasn't going to take that anymore. Besides Noah was fine and back home and Claudia felt like she'd already been punished enough. I mean Olivia broke her nose, that was punishment enough. Right?
"Why haven't you answered any of my calls? Returned any of my texts? It's been days and I haven't heard from you." Fitz didn't answer. "Hello? Can you no longer hear me in person either?"
"I hear you Claudia, the whole floor can hear you." Fitz responded. Claudia was certainly loud enough to hear.
"Then answer me! Why have you been ignoring me?"
"Claud-"
"Look Fitz I said I was sorry okay. It was an accident, but it wasn't my fault."
Fitz looked at her wild. "Then who's fault was it?"
"You should have reminded me before you left. It's not my fault I forgot."
"Excuse me?"
Claudia could tell she'd said the wrong thing and that Fitz was about to get angry, if he wasn't already there. "Look Fitz, I don't want to argue okay." She rubbed on his forearms, trying to calm him but it wasn't working. "I just came by because I miss you and I want us to get back to normal, you know the way we use to be and get past this."
Fitz shook his head. "Claudia I don't think that's possible."
"What?"
"It's more than what happened to Noah. You and I haven't been on the same page for a while now."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is." Fitz knew he had to just say what he needed to and get this over with so he could end this chapter. "I can't remember the last time we went a day without arguing about something. You're constantly checking up on me. Wanting to know where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing."
"I do not keep tabs on you."
"Claudia you called me ten times that night I went out with the guys. And when I got home, you interrogated me at the door. You literally sniffed me to see if I smelled like another woman."
Claudia sighed frustratedly. "I've been cheated on before Fitz and I won't let that happen again."
"That has nothing to do with me Claudia."
"Oh please. Let's not forget your precious Olivia."
"Again with Olivia." Fitz ran his hand down his face. He was agitated. "Look I'm not arguing with you about her for the hundredth time."
"You're the one picking a fight with me. This is not why I came over here."
"Then why are you here?"
"I told you to make up with you."
"Well Claudia I don't think that's possible. Honestly, I've been thinking about you and me for a while and I think that we need to take a break from one another."
"A break?" Claudia repeated.
"Yes, Claudia this isn't working for me anymore."
"Fine. You want a break I'll give you a break." Claudia smoothed her hair back and held her head high as she strutted away. She wasn't going to let Fitz see her fall apart, she was going to walk out of that building with her dignity. When she was out of view, Fitz finally relaxed. That didn't go as planned, but it went better than he thought it would. Fitz hated breaking up with women. It was just too unpredictable. The yelling, crying, begging and sometimes it got physical. Fitz has been slapped quite a few times from women he'd broken up with. At least Olivia didn't hit him, but she did throw several objects at him.
But that was the end. That chapter was over and now he was ready to begin the next.
X
Olivia was enjoying her moments of silence sitting alone in her living room. The kids were upstairs sleeping. She'd just put them all down for a nap not too long ago, so she was trying to be as quiet as possible as she moved through the house. She'd made her a quick roasted tomato pasta for lunch and a glass of wine. She made sure to just pour one glass and leave the bottle in the kitchen. She wasn't going to have a repeat of what happened the last time she was sitting in her living room drinking. Especially not with her kids there.
Olivia was having a good day. She'd spent most of the day just playing with the kids and cleaning up after them. She'd taken them on a walk and when they got back she let them play in the sandbox in the backyard for a while. And after lunch and a quick bath, they were all ready for a nap. Then it was Olivia's turn to eat something and wash off the stench of the day.
After she finished eating, she decided to organize the kids baby books and pictures. She had been meaning to do it for a while now, but never had the time. She had boxes of old photos and keepsakes in her hall closet. It had been some time before she'd been through them, and she had the energy today. She spent a few hours going through the pictures, organizing them and placing what she wanted in the kid's baby books. Then she got to a box that wasn't dedicated to the kids. She read what she'd written on the top. This box was all the keepsakes from her and Fitz's relationship. She hasn't gone through this box since Verna died.
Olitz.
Olivia rolled her eyes, chuckling at the cheesy nickname Fitz had given them. This wasn't the box she'd planned on going through, but curiosity got the best of her. She pulled the top off and immediately smiled. The first thing she saw was a bunch of small items that she wanted to keep, that Fitz thought was absolutely ridiculous. She found the menu to the restaurant she and Fitz had their first date. She saved the movie ticket they saw when they shared their first kiss. In a smaller box she had her garter belt and the handkerchief she and Fitz wore on their wedding day.
Then she found her ring. The beautiful crisscross gold band ring Fitz had given her. Olivia had given the ring back to Verna after her divorce, she never thought she'd see it again. And then after Verna died, Carol gave it back to her. Verna wanted her to have it. Olivia took the ring back, but she still didn't feel right wearing it. So she put it in this box with the rest of her memories of Fitz. This was the first time she'd seen it since she put it away.
Olivia loved this ring and she was so proud to wear it every day. And she saw just how much joy it brought Fitz to see that ring on her forefinger. Even more so than her wedding ring it felt. Olivia slid the ring on her left forefinger and smiled. She remembered the first time Fitz put the ring on her finger and she vowed she would never take it off. And she kept that promise up until the day they separated.
Olivia continued looking through the box until she got to the pictures at the bottom. The first picture made her laugh out loud. It was from a Halloween party she and Fitz went to. They had dressed up as Fred and Wilma from the Flintstones. Fitz had complained about wearing a dress, but after a few hours at the party and more than enough drinks, he didn't care anymore.
Olivia kept going through the box, looking at all the pictures, smiling and laughing at all the good times she and Fitz had. She didn't even realize how much time has past, she was so engrossed in the memories. She thought if she ever opened this box, she would be an emotional mess. But now, in the moment, all she felt was joy. In the past few hours looking through these photos, all she's felt is happiness and laughter. It made sense since for the majority of their marriage, Olivia felt nothing but happiness.
She came across a picture of her and Fitz on their honeymoon. She smooth her finger over his face, then flipped the picture over. She smirked at his crooked left-handed writing. 'We're in this together' he would say that to her often. And she would always respond 'Over a cliff'.
She heard her front door open. She didn't get up though, only a handful of people had a key to her home and she was expecting Erika to come by today. But Erika was not the Grant that had just walked in her home.
"Hi."
"Hi." Fitz flashed his pearly white smile. Normally Fitz would ring the doorbell instead of using his key. But he knew it was around the kid's nap time and he didn't want to wake them by ringing the bell. He found Olivia where she was most of the time, in the living room. She was on the floor surrounded by a bunch of boxes. "What're you doing?"
"I was organizing the kids baby books. Adding some things."
"That's a lot of pictures for some baby books. They haven't even been alive long enough to have taken this many pictures."
Olivia laughed. "I got a little distracted."
"I see." Fitz took off his shoes and sat down on the floor beside Olivia. "What's all this?"
Olivia still had the 'Olitz' box out, and she didn't try to hide any of it. She watched Fitz pick up the lid to the box and read the writing. When he read the name, he looked back at the keepsakes and pictures scattered in front of them. He picked up the picture closet to him.
"Do you remember when we took that?" Olivia asked once she saw what picture he was holding.
"Of course." Fitz remembered this memory fondly. "Aspen. I planned a ski trip for us, took me a month to plan. And when we got there, you wouldn't even ski."
Olivia smiled. "You were so annoyed with me."
"I was. And then at dinner, you told me why you wouldn't ski. You were pregnant." You couldn't tell by the picture, but Olivia was pregnant. Fitz thumbed her belly in the picture. It was a bittersweet memory, knowing now what happened to their first pregnancy and how many more would come.
"I remember being so excited that I started shouting in the restaurant."
Olivia rolled her eyes playfully. "You embarrassed me. Everyone was looking at us."
"Yeah, but it got us a free dessert." Their waiter had come by after with a chocolate lave cake that had 'congratulations' written on the plate in chocolate.
"That cake was good."
"Yeah."
Olivia could feel Fitz looking at her, she could feel his eyes following her every move. She looked up and locked eyes with him.
"What?"
"You're still just as beautiful as the day I met you."
Olivia smiled shyly. "Well the years have been good to you too."
"You know I think about that night, the night we met. I think about us and you a lot." Fitz admitted. "I think about our first date, when I asked you to be my girlfriend. I think about the day I proposed to you. I'd never seen you look happier, that is until our wedding day." Fitz remembered the day vividly, it was a day he would never forget.
"I remember the guys teasing me that I would cry at the alter, and I bet them them I wouldn't. I lost twenty bucks that day. Because as soon as I saw you walking down that aisle my eyes watered." Fitz did cry at their wedding. When Olivia reached him at the alter, she wiped his tears away, as her own fell on her cheeks. Thank God for waterproof makeup. "I married my best friend that day."
Olivia closed her eyes, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Fitz why are you doing this?"
"You know why."
She did know. "You have a girlfriend." She didn't mention Adam.
"I broke up with her."
Olivia looked up at him with wild eyes. He broke up with her? "So I'm supposed to do what? Just fall back into your arms because you want me now?"
"Livvie."
"You can't keep doing this. This back and forth thing we've been doing, it has to stop."
"Olivia."
"No. You left me years ago… And that broke me Fitz, you have no idea how much that hurt me." She couldn't stop her tears now. "I loved you so much. You were my everything, I would have done anything for you. And I tried to be a good wife to you, but I guess I wasn't good enough."
"No, that's not true."
"You left me. You left me all alone."
"I'm sorry Olivia." Fitz scooted closer to her. "I was wrong, I was so wrong. I was confused and pissed. Pissed at the world, pissed at God that we couldn't…it wasn't your fault, but I took it out on you."
Fitz was speaking of their miscarriages. For a long time, Fitz's faith in God was tested. He couldn't understand why he and Olivia were having so much trouble having a child. When every day he saw kids come into the hospital with abusive parents or kids being given up by their teenage parents. And here they were a loving and dedicated couple more than capable of caring for a child, and they were being denied.
"You don't get to just change your mind Fitz."
"And why not? Olivia, I still love you. I never stopped loving you."
Olivia looked up at him with big, wide eyes. "You say that like it means something." It did mean something. It meant everything to Olivia, but her stubbornness wouldn't let her admit that.
"It means everything Olivia. I'm here because I love you."
"And how does that change anything that's happened Fitz? What's the point?"
"Do you still love me?" Olivia didn't answer, she was caught off guard. "Do you? Still love me?"
Olivia may have been caught off guard with the question, but she knew her answer. Yes. Yes, she still loved him, she never stopped loving him no matter how hard she tried. But was she going to tell him that now? Could she just forget about everything that happened between them in the past few years. Could she just forget about all the heartache and pain that he caused her. Could she trust him with her heart again?
"Does it matter?"
This time Fitz looked at Olivia with wide eyes. "It matters Livvie." Fitz reached out and stroked her cheek, slightly pulling her towards him and spoke softly. "Do you still love me Livvie, it's a yes or no question."
"I'm scared." Olivia whispered back.
"What are you so afraid of?"
"I'm scared you'll break my heart again Fitz."
"Olivia I can't erase or change what happened in the past. All I can do now is promise you that it will never happen again." He held her hand in his. As he rubbed his thumb across her hand, he noticed the ring on her finger. Olivia had forgotten she'd put it on. Fitz hasn't seen this ring in years, and certainly not on Olivia's finger. She use to wear this ring every day, never took it off. It always use to make Fitz so proud every time he saw this ring on her finger, and it still had the same effect now.
"You're wearing the ring." Olivia didn't respond. "I never thought I'd see you wearing this again. I didn't even know you still had it." Fitz never asked for the ring back after they divorced. It didn't feel right asking for it back, he gave it to her for a reason. "I remember when I gave you this ring."
"So do I."
Fitz smiled. "Do you remember what it means?"
"Doux Bebe." They spoke together.
"Sweet baby. Nana gave me this ring to give to the woman I loved. I held onto it, until the day I met you." Fitz was still rubbing circles on the ring on her finger. "She told me she wore this ring for my grandad. So that even if they were apart, he would know that she was wearing this ring. He would know that their love was still strong, she said it connected them. Made her feel closer to him when he was in the army and she didn't see him for months at a time."
"Fitz-"
"Wait. Just wait. Just listen for a minute." Olivia didn't interrupt him again, and let him speak. "These past years, I have learned only one thing. That I cannot exist without you. That I cannot breathe without you. That the man I am without you is… I'm nothing. And you are everything, you're my everything. And I need you to give me another chance. I demand another chance, we're worth a second chance." Fitz had pulled her closer again, their lips brushed against each other slightly when they spoke.
Olivia was breathing hard, intoxicated by Fitz's presence. His voice, his scent. She was close to giving in. he was saying all the right things, why couldn't she just give in and give him a second chance, give them a second chance. Olivia copied Fitz's actions and placed her hand on the side of his face. She was about to pull him into a kiss, when once again her door opened.
"Fucking hell." Fitz cursed as Olivia pulled away from him. Every time, every fucking time.
"Olivia." Erika's voice rang out through the home.
Fitz wanted to strangle his sister, when she came into view. Some fucking timing she has. Fitz thought. First she interrupts their moment at the hospital and now she ruins Fitz's chance now. Olivia was ready, she was about to give in. And now she was so far from him it felt like a mile distance.
"Oh hey Fitz." Erika noticed the scowl on her brother's face.
"Hey." Fitz grumbled. "I'm going to check on the kids." Fitz stomped up the stairs, without another word.
Erika and Olivia watched him until he disappeared.
"What's his problem?"
Olivia shrugged. "No idea."
Olivia was conflicted. On one hand, she was just as pissed as Fitz was that Erika had interrupted them. And on the other hand she was glad Erika had shown up when she did. Olivia knew just how close she was to giving in. In the moment she wanted nothing more than to just throw herself at Fitz and beg him not to let go. But she was constantly questioning herself. Would it be a mistake? But although she was conflicted, when she thought about her options, she was finding less and less reasons why she shouldn't give Fitz a second chance.
X