Chapter 70

Ten seconds of eternity

Ten seconds. Sanji remained frozen for ten seconds, his breathing getting heavier with each disordered beat of his heart. He didn't want to believe it. He simply couldn't accept what he saw as if in slow motion before him. And yet, as he finally came to his senses and turned around abruptly to avoid the clumsy stab of an enemy in his direction, he was forced to admit it: the one who was repelling these pirates with great blows of swords a few steps away from him was not the swordsman he had always known. He was barely his shadow.

Flashback

About thirty minutes earlier, while checking reservations for dinner with Amy, Zeff had come out of the kitchen to tell Sanji that he had just received a call from Liam from Basterl University. His alarms had gone off six times in a short time at Vorgo's door and he was pretty sure it was multi-ship intrusion.

Neither Zeff nor Sanji had assumed that these ships belonged to some of their customers showing up early or some tourists wanting to enjoy the late season. The scientist's alarms were set to go off based on the black flag, so it was much more likely pirates who would show up within the next half hour.

Without missing a beat, the cooks had followed their protocol: Amy wouldn't leave the All Blue to remain under Zeff's protection and Elio and Sam would continue their preparations as long as the blond wouldn't say otherwise. For his part, Sanji was responsible for warning Lily's team offshore and Tori's team in the orchards so that they could sound the alarm among the villagers and then stay at home during the attack. Malek immediately offered to inform the rest of the Straw Hat crew to help repel the enemies and the two cooks arranged to meet on the Sunny.

By the time Sanji had actually tumbled on the beach, the sails of the intruders were beginning to appear on the horizon and all of his friends stood side by side on the sand, their gazes turned towards the ocean and their weapons in hand. This image had made the blond's heart beat a little harder and a surge of gratitude had gripped him when he had observed the serious and ready to fight faces of his companions. Just like him, he had known that each of them would defend All Blue with all their strength and the cook had felt more alive and cared for than ever. He had lit a cigarette and slipped alongside Malek who had nodded as he had approached, his bow in hand. His eyes fixed on the six approaching ships, the imminence of the attack had rendered the crew silent amid the noise of the increasingly stormy waves. The sky was slowly covered with gray clouds and Sanji had enjoyed his cigarette in silence.

When the first cannonball had been fired towards the island a few moments later, Luffy had thrown it back with his huge belly at unimaginable speed. Sanji had gotten rid of his cigarette and cocked his right foot, perfectly calm. Not far from him, Nami had twirled her Clima-Tact while Usopp had adjusted his kabuto. Malek had drawn his bow and Zoro had slipped his swords out of their sheaths. Robin had positioned her hands on her chest and Chopper had transformed into his Heavy Point form. Brook had drawn his own sword and Franky had adjusted the sights on his right arm.

The first ship had sunk before it even reached the shore.

At first, Sanji had been completely wrapped up in the bliss that had gripped him as he had thrown himself into battle alongside his crewmates. A good hundred pirates had sprung from everywhere but the crew had never seemed to be in trouble despite their numbers. The speed and precision of his friends had dazzled the blond. Their attacks were formidable and their accuracy remarkable. Each blow had hit its target and the exact point that decimated the opponent in a fraction of a second. Here, it wasn't about having fun or testing anything.

The gestures were simple but effective, without embellishment, aiming purely and simply to annihilate the enemy without qualms. Sanji had recognized in their willingness the echo of Chopper's speech about the New World. Back there, his companions had not only gained experience but also some seriousness and even if they were no longer there today, the magnitude of what they had experienced could be felt on this beach.

The cook had been particularly proud to see that he still moved so smoothly among them. His kicks had pushed back and knocked out everyone within his reach and he had whirled among his opponents while ensuring the safety of his friends like the old days.

It was at that moment that he had noticed it and his surprise had been such that he had suddenly stopped, almost getting caught by this big pirate with a sharp knife.

End of flashback

Barely out of his stupor, the cook removed the obstacle with a solid kick to the stomach. Reality finally caught up with him again and the fight resumed. The blond jumped into the air and repelled three pirates without taking his eyes off the swordsman, hypnotized in spite of himself. At first glance, Zoro was getting rid of his enemies just as well as the others, but to anyone who knew him and had already witnessed his battles, he might as well no longer know how to use his swords.

Sanji was absolutely stunned. Zoro's grip on his blades was far too tight and he was putting too much force to attack the intruders whose power did not exceed a quarter of his own. His legendary agility and skill faded behind his awkward postures and his eyes no longer shone with that demonic glare that made his adversaries retreat before he even approached them.

The blond went on high alert in front of this incomprehensible image but he forced himself to keep his attention on the pirates who continued to arrive. The situation was more than abnormal, it was downright absurd and illogical. How could his companions around him remain so calm? he asked himself, kicking a big dumb pirate into the hull of his boat. Did they not see that the swordsman was no longer himself? Of course, Zoro didn't seem to be in real difficulty since his enemies were dropping like flies under the excessive force that was washing over them, but they were pirates with limited capacities. Faced with a more experienced enemy, the cook had serious doubts as to whether the fencer could last more than five minutes using this method. Yet Zoro had fought a Vice-Admiral a few weeks earlier. It was beyond comprehension.

An arrow suddenly grazed his shoulder to embed itself in the hand of a pirate who threatened to hit him from behind and the blond leaned back to kick another one while thanking Malek with a look, forgetting for a moment his questions. He then rushed towards Chopper to help him get rid of a huge man covered in electrical wires making him unreachable and with the help of Nami and her lightning attack, he soon managed to rip the man's jaw in half with a monstrous kick.

Gradually, their opponents collapsed and there was no doubt that the Straw Hat Pirates would win the battle any minute. Sanji had lost all joy and good mood though and as he buried the head of yet another pirate in the sand, his environment almost disappeared around him. What had happened? Had Zoro suffered more than a physical injury that day? Was Chopper's mental shock hypothesis possible? Sanji couldn't believe that Zoro was experiencing low spirits. The swordsman had encountered many obstacles in his life that had not affected him in this way. His goal was too important for the loss of an eye to destabilize him to this extent. It made no sense.

Anxiety suddenly gripped his chest and the cook took a deep breath to stay focused on his fight. What had he done?

Sanji walked slowly along the dirt path leading to the Sunny. Around him, the gray clouds had turned into a threatening sky and the wind was beginning to pick up. He straightened the collar of his jacket but did not hurry.

The intruders had been quick to abandon their invasion and the dozen pirates still able to stand on their feet had returned to their ships, taking their fainted companions with them. The crew had immediately congratulated themselves on their victory and Luffy had asked to celebrate their first success since their return to the island. The two cooks had then suggested a hearty aperitif to the All Blue which the captain had been quick to accept.

Everyone had headed towards the restaurant except for the swordsman who had claimed that he needed to return to the Sunny to clean his blades. No one had seemed to pay attention but for his part, while he had started walking on the small path, the blond's brain had been working at full speed. He wanted to believe that his companions hadn't noticed any difference regarding Zoro's fight but it was impossible that Luffy hadn't. The captain hadn't made any mention of it though and Sanji had felt the noose tighten a little more around him. Luffy never intervened in what he considered to be personal battles and it was quite likely that the straw hat boy had understood that his cook had sensed the swordsman's trouble. After all, the Sunny's three best fighters knew each other perfectly.

Besides, when dinner time had come after the aperitif, Luffy had been the one who had pointed out the absence of the swordsman and maybe Sanji had imagined it, but he had had the impression to feel the captain's gaze on him when Nami had asked that one of them go get him since Zoro didn't pick up the Den-Den Mushi. The blond had stood up and gave some recommendations to his team. The service had already started in the dining room and their early preparations made it possible to keep the rhythm without a hitch, especially since Malek was giving the two kitchen boys a hand whenever he could.

A few minutes later, Sanji was at the foot of the Sunny, his heart beating. Since that fateful moment, he had been unable to really concentrate on anything else, helplessly replaying the thread of events. He had too many hypotheses, and at the same time, he had none. He didn't know what to think anymore.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, the cook finally jumped onto the deck and spotted the figure of the swordsman sitting against the exterior wall of the aquarium, a little sheltered from the wind. If he had really intended to clean his blades, they were now carefully placed at his side. Zoro had closed his eyes but the blond had no doubt that he was fully awake and he walked towards him with what he hoped was a peaceful step.

"Do you ever pick up when someone calls you?"

Zoro didn't answer or open his eyes and Sanji bit his lip. He felt terribly uncomfortable and if his first instinct was to bombard the swordsman with questions, he also knew that this was the worst method. Not only had the cook promised himself not to harass him again a few days before but above all, he was all too aware of the fencer's vulnerability at that moment and he could not imagine Zoro's pride other than in pieces.

"Nami-san sent me to tell you that dinner will be served at the All Blue. We're waiting for you," he continued in a more neutral voice.

"I'll come by later. I'm not hungry right now."

A gust of wind a little stronger than the others suddenly swept across the deck and the blond let his gaze wander over the ship, totally lost. The situation was so unreal that it made him lose all his means.

Probably finding his silence strange, the swordsman finally opened his eyes and Sanji felt his breath catch when their eyes met. Zoro knew that the blond had seen through him and the emptiness in his single eye petrified his crewmate.

"Listen…"

"There's nothing to say, cook," the fencer cut him off gently, letting his own gaze wander across the deck.

Sanji stared at him. "What the hell? There are lots of things to say, stupid! Lots of… things I'd like to know, to understand! But I…" The blond shook his head, visibly searching for words. Finally, he sighed.

"Actually, what I want isn't important. I know you don't owe me anything and I was wrong to try to find out what you didn't want to tell me."

Zoro observed him in silence and Sanji felt his uneasiness increase in front of his dull look. The vision of the weakened swordsman that he had had a little earlier was unbearable but the one he was seeing now was like agony. Zoro had never seemed so exhausted, so… devastated. Sanji's guilt then returned to fiercely wrap around his thoughts and his heart, gripping him until he suffocated.

The cook choked.

"Shit…" He wiped his eyes roughly and took a short breath to regain control of himself. "It's your right if you don't wanna tell me and I'll respect it but on one condition," he then continued through gritted teeth.

Zoro raised an eyebrow and a new gust of wind rose, this time bringing a few drops of rain to the two men.

"Tell me what I can do to help you. As a crewmate," he added quickly. The swordsman shook his head gently and his gaze got lost on the horizon. "You can't."

Sanji glared at him. "You better find something, mosshead, because I won't stop asking. I told you; it'll be on one condition."

Zoro sighed and closed his eyes. A minute passed slowly as the sound of wind and rain grew louder around them.

"If you really wanna do something for me, just cook."

Sanji felt his eyes widen and he stared at the swordsman who was looking at him again. "What?"

"Cook. On the Sunny."

"Why?"

Zoro shrugged, his gaze drifting toward the deck brutally illuminated by lightning. "Because this is where you belong."

Thunder cracked above them and the blond scrutinized his companion more closely. A gust of wind blew the rain in their direction but the cook simply looked up upstairs, determined. If he had to, he would. He didn't understand the reason or the meaning, but it didn't matter.

"Deal. I'll cook on the Sunny if that makes you happy and in exchange, I won't say another word on the subject."

The two former lovers shared a look and Sanji shoved his hands in his pockets before turning away towards the stairs. Zoro followed his figure with his eyes, surprised. The blond began to climb the steps, the pouring rain now crashing down on him and soaking his clothes in seconds.

"If I cook, you gotta eat, mosshead. You know I hate waste."

With the door just closed, Zoro placed his dripping swords against the galley table. Outside, the storm was raging and despite the short distance he had just covered, his kimono was already creating a puddle under his feet. He grimaced and glanced at the blond frozen beside him. He was dripping silently. The swordsman then noticed his tense face and his breathing a little too fast. He hadn't expected that the cook would want to fulfill his end of the bargain so quickly and yet, he should have. Unlike him, Sanji wasn't a coward.

Nevertheless, the fencer saw how much what he had asked cost the blond and he looked down, ashamed. He knew that this room made the chef uncomfortable and he knew why because Sanji had told him on the day of their reunion. But Zoro had had no choice. The cook had demanded to help him in exchange for his silence and, taken aback, it was the only thing he had thought of. Indeed, this galley belonged as much to Malek as to him and seeing him in his environment among the crew would take away some of the guilt Zoro felt towards the blond because he had deprived him of this place that he hadn't wanted to give up. So yes, Sanji cooking on the Sunny would really help him even if it was only taking away a small part of his burden.

"What do you wanna eat?"

Zoro gently shook his kimono and the drops collected at his feet. "Whatever you want; I told you I wasn't hungry."

Sanji put his sodden jacket on the back of a chair before taking a step towards the cupboards. He hesitated for a moment, letting his hand approach one drawer before finally moving to another.

"Rice balls?"

Zoro nodded as he slowly sat down in a chair. "With-

"With a bottle of sake, I know."

The blond half turned towards him and his suddenly sparkling smile pierced right through the swordsman.

"There are things you don't forget."

Zoro listened to the steady sound of the knife on the cutting board. Sanji had fumbled for several minutes to gather all his ingredients and his first movements had been somewhat uncertain. Now, however, the rice had finished cooking and was resting in a large dish while sheets of nori were neatly spread out on the worktop. The cook had even been emboldened to serve thin slices of salmon to accompany the rice balls.

The swordsman felt his hands grip the wood of the table until his fingers turned white. How did he come to this? How could he have failed so badly? To the point that his own weakness was perceptible to the one to whom he had promised to do everything to succeed. The one who had agreed to strip himself of their relationship to offer him what Zoro wanted, a further step towards his dream. The one who had erased himself without a word in front of his pride and who hadn't imagined for a second that Zoro could have failed. Until that moment when he had seen him on the beach. How did the blond still find the strength to want to help him? Why didn't he blame him for sacrificing his own life for a dream that the swordsman had ruined?

Zoro had had no illusions. The second those pirates had turned up, he had known his secret would be discovered. He had tried to put on a good show lately but he knew he had always been a poor actor and in battle, it was impossible to hide. The last scraps of his pride had ended up shattered a few hours earlier, leaving him with a taste of filth in his head and in his heart. He had had confirmation that he was no longer worth anything, or very little. Although he had prepared for it, his ego was no less broken. And even if he had the feeling that Luffy had figured out his true state since that day when he had found him in the crow's nest, concerning his former lover, the shame was even more acute. Dishonor devoured him whole.

Zoro emerged from his thoughts to find that the steady sound of the blade had disappeared. The almost peaceful atmosphere had suddenly given way to an oppressive silence and he turned his attention back to the cook. He was still bent over his task and had his back turned. The swordsman frowned. The blond seemed to have shrunk into himself. His head was low and his shoulders hollow. Zoro even thought he saw his right hand trembling on the handle of his knife.

"Zoro…"

The fencer flinched. This low voice didn't sound good and unconsciously, he stiffened in his chair, ready to absorb the shock. He had been naive to believe he could escape a confrontation. After all, he would have to answer for his actions sooner or later. And who other than the cook to occupy the place of judge and executioner? Somehow, he wouldn't have wanted anyone else. Sanji had the right to demand answers, Zoro was simply too much of a coward to provide them on his own. Was the blond finally going to reproach him for having broken their promise? Was Zoro going to see the disappointment that he feared so much in his eyes? The rejection? Did Sanji regret what they had shared? Did he regret ever meeting him?

"I know I said I wouldn't ask anything again but there's one thing I need to know. I have to know or I'll go insane."

Zoro didn't move and the blond probably interpreted his silence as an admission of his weakness because a strangled laugh escaped him. He ran a hand over his face but the swordsman didn't see what he was trying to contain. His rage or his resentment maybe.

"Do you…"

Do you realize what you took from me? Do you have any idea of the trust I placed in you? Do you really believe that you still have your place alongside Luffy?

The possibilities were endless and Zoro continued to complete his question at leisure, his jaw clenched until it hurt. He deserved them all.

Do you know how much you disappoint me? Do you plan to pretend for much longer? Do you think you'll ever have the courage to tell the crew?

"Do you think… this is because of me? Is… Is it my fault, Zoro?"

Ten seconds. The vicious circle of the swordsman's thoughts froze for ten seconds. In a few words, Sanji's trembling voice had rocked his world, turning everything upside down.

"Your fault?"

Ten seconds had passed and the cogs in Zoro's brain gradually began working again. The cook didn't turn around and just nodded slowly, probably too absorbed in his emotions to notice the swordsman's stupor.

"Because if it is, I'll do everything to correct my mistake," he continued in the same broken voice, "I'll no longer impose my presence on you, I'll be more careful. I'm ready to…"

His voice escaped him and Zoro felt his insides twist in front of the surge of dismay and despair crushing his companion at that moment. Yet he was unable to move.

"I'm ready to do whatever it takes, no matter the consequences," the blond finally whispered. "Just tell me what I can do to make amends. I can't just cook, I… I can stay at the All Blue and Malek can take care of your meals. I can tell Nami-san I'm too busy with the wedding to stay with the crew. And… And maybe Luffy will ask some questions but I-

"Sanji."

Zoro surprised even himself when his calm voice suddenly interrupted his crewmate's nonsensical monologue. He saw the blond's whole body tense up and his hand closed tighter on the handle of his knife as if to better defend himself from the sentence he would have to endure.

"This isn't your fault."

For almost a minute, the galley of the Thousand Sunny was completely silent and only the roar of the wind and the pouring rain outside was heard. In the end, Sanji loosened his fingers from the knife to slowly turn towards the swordsman, his face pale.

"Y-You sure? You're not saying that to… to spare me or something?"

Zoro felt the multitude of wild contradictory feelings that had been inside him for weeks suddenly come together to form a gigantic wave of emotions that overwhelmed him. He pushed his chair back to stand up and Sanji watched him approach, his eyes wide with hope as well as fear.

Arriving in front of him, the fencer stared into his eyes.

"Have I ever done that about anything?" The blond shook his head and Zoro nodded. "You have your answer then."

At these words, the cook's eyes glazed over with relief and Zoro felt the wave growing within him. Without thinking, he wiped the tear that rolled down the blond's cheek with his thumb and Sanji squeezed his hand with his own, as if the touch of their two skins finally in contact overwhelmed him. He closed his eyes and more tears escaped him. Zoro continued to slowly caress his cheek, his heart sinking.

Had Sanji ever felt anything other than guilt in two years? he asked himself as the blond's fingers clung to his own to better hold him back. Guilt towards himself when thinking he was responsible for his companion's state today. Towards their crew for abandoning them to the clutches of the New World. Towards All Blue for remaining desperately focused on his crew. And finally, towards the swordsman, thinking he had stolen his dream.

This idiot had always been more interested in others than in himself, even if it meant becoming the architect of his own misery, and Zoro sighed as he placed his lips against the blond's forehead, still damp from the rain.

"I missed you, cook…"

Sanji's arms immediately closed around him and Zoro took the time to close his eyes to enjoy the sensation.

Ten seconds of calm in the midst of the perpetual chaos that reigned within him. That's all he asked.