16
Pretending to be Rung
Dear you... who is loved
You're not on Twitter much lately? I don't see any tweets from you. I can only see you from your news broadcasts and review clips. It's a bit lonely.
Apple
Aontakarn is unusually quiet. I can sense that something is wrong. I, who used to talk to her via LINE every day, only got short responses back. And when I ask what's wrong, I get the same "nothing" answer. It's so frustrating.
This started on that day... the day we went out to drink with everyone and lash out at all the team members until everyone went quiet. But what did I do wrong? I wanted to protect Aontakarn from those jokes. Yet it turns out that the sweet-faced one becomes so quiet.
All the team members also notice that Aontakarn has been quieter than usual. Puth, who's closest to me, mentioned this when we got home one day.
"Are you and Kam fighting again?"
"No." I reply without confidence. I remember that we didn't fight, but I can't really say that we're not fighting. "Why?"
"Tho and Jeth asked me to ask you. We're worried about you."
"Maybe something is wrong. I'm not sure. But if there is... ifs probably about you guys teasing that Aontakarn and I are dating."
"I already apologized." My handsome brother stomps his feet like a whiny kid. He's like this only when he's with me. "What's the big deal? Why won't you stop talking about it?"
"I'm making the point to hammer on it so that you don't forget that your careless words make others fight. Aontakarn must be really uncomfortable to be misunderstood that she's dating me." I sigh wearily. "I made the effort to get close to her, and it's all ruined because of you guys."
"Do you think she will leave the company?"
When asked, I look up and stare at my brother. I've never thought of this before. My heart drops to my feet, and I'm becoming anxious. That's possible... The sweet-faced woman may feel so uncomfortable that she leaves the team.
And she will be out of my life... Damned.
"Shit. If Kam leaves the team, we're doomed. What should we do?" Puth creates a scenario and sits down next to me. He picks his dry lips with his fingers out of stress. "If Kam leaves, we won't have a website anymore. Most people who are following us do so because they want to support Karns Should we send her flowers?"
"What if she says nothing is wrong? What will you do after that?"
"It means we're okay."
"If Karn says nothing is wrong, it means something is." I get up and pace the room. "I will talk to Karn. I have to explain to her that everyone was just kidding and that she shouldn't feel uncomfortable."
"But everyone made it clear that we were just kidding. You also protected her with all your might. Why is she still like this?"
I don't understand this either. It seems like I have to talk this out with her, but what approach should I use...
"Drink first. It's easier to talk when you're a bit drunk."
Ern recommends this, like the simple-minded person she is. I'm consulting my friends about my problem, but no one seems that stressed about it. It's as if it's not a big deal to them.
"If I'm drunk, I won't be able to deal with the problem. I wouldn't be able to remember anything. And what if Rung comes out again?"
"Maybe Rung, your subconscious mind, will make things easier. You're very annoying when you're yourself." Nat adds on. What she just said makes everyone nod.
"But I haven't been that annoying lately. I got closer to Kam too. The problem just arose recently... I still don't know why Karn is angry with me when I was protecting her from all those big mouths."
"Maybe she's angry because you keep saying that you don't think of her more than just a friend." Meen says this with a smile on her face. It makes me shrink my neck.
"Are you going mad like my team members?"
"What else could it be? Normally, friends just say sorry, and that's that. And you were protecting her. I would have patted you on the shoulder and thanked you for protecting me, not sulked at you like this."
Everyone in the room nodded in agreement. When I hear that, I go quiet and follow that train of thought. Yes... Aontakarn's reaction is off. There are many conflicting points.
"Have you gone to see her since you fought?"
"No."
"How many days have it been?"
"Three."
"You're such an idiot. It's only been three days, and you're this concerned? I thought it'd been three weeks. I think the one who's got it bad is you, not Aontakarn." Ern laughs merrily as she eats more Lay's (potato chips), as if she's really hungry. I don't argue. I just sit with a hunched back.
"What should I do? I don't like this strange vibe between us."
"Drink, like Ern suggested. You've been drinking with Puth every day, so you can control yourself more now, right?"
"Yeah, but..."
"That's it. You've been practicing, so put it to use. Pretend to be drunk and pretend to be Rung."
"Huh/Huh/Huh."
Everyone turns to look at Nat, who was babbling. The cheerful friend shrugs a bit and continues on nonchalantly.
"If it's hard to apologize in your normal state, pretend to be drunk... but make sure you're conscious and not go blank this time. Pretend to be Rung, apologize, and cry if you must. Once you're sober, you can go back to being your cool self and pretend... that nothing happened. Pretend you don't remember a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g."
Eventually, the hobby of reading novels and the tendency to imagine things make my friend shine today. Everyone, including myself, applauds for that brilliant idea. I think I will use that approach.
"Good idea. I won't be embarrassed if I do that. I'll pretend to be drunk, and in the morning, I'll pretend that I don't remember anything. MY Aontakarn will forget why she's mad at me by then." I say this excitedly. Meen laughs in her throat and pretends she has goosebumps.
"When I hear MY Aontakarn, I feel like you're a husband who's talking about his beloved wife. Who's the husband in this relationship? You?"
"What husband? What are you talking about?"
"The one who has to use her fingers."
"Idiot!"
I do as my friends suggested by gathering my courage to buy beers from a convenient store and head over to Aontakarn's house at around 8 p.m. The lights are still on, so someone is surely in there. Though I still have the spare key the sweet-faced woman gave me, because we're not in a good spot, it's not a good idea to just enter the house. I should at least let her know that I'm here to visit her.
Ding...
At the sound of the doorbell, the petite woman pokes her head out the window. When she sees that it's me, the door opens, and the petite woman appears.
She's still wearing her work clothes. We look at each other a bit. Aontakarn initiates the conversation.
"You suddenly show up? You didn't LINE to tell me that you'd be here."
"I wanted to surprise you." I show her a bag full of beer cans. "Let's have a drink."
"You didn't need to buy them. You know that I stock them up in my refrigerator."
"Coming with bare hands is inappropriate..." It's just an excuse to be here. I don't know how to initiate a conversation, so I bought them. "Is this a good time for you?"
"You're already here. If I turned you down, it would be rude. Come in."
Something is really wrong. I can sense the distance between us. She does not show any emotion. She's not happy to see me like she usually is. I feel discouraged. But since I'm already here, I must take this to the end. I'm here to find out what's wrong with Aontakarn. If I get discouraged and go back, it would all be a waste.
I followed the sweet-faced person into the house and put the beer cans on the coffee table. I then sit down on the sofa. Aontakarn pulls her shirt out of her skirt, so she feels more comfortable. She sits on the other side of the sofa and talks to me.
"Are you stressed about something? Is that why you're inviting me to drink beers?"
"No. We normally do this, no?"
"Normally, I'm the one who invites you. You never invited me before. You said that you were afraid that you wouldn't be able to control yourself when you're drunk. So, I'm a bit surprised."
We both go quiet. I pick up the beer can and open it. 'Psh.' I take a sip, so I have the courage to say what I'm here for.
"To tell you the truth, I'm uneasy. Karn has been so quiet lately."
"…"
Everything goes quiet after I say that. Did I get to the point too soon? I should have waited until she was more comfortable first. I should have let her sip some beer and waited until she was a bit drunk before I talked about this. Damned...
Yet...
Psh.
The sweet-faced woman grabs a can of beer, opens it, and takes a big gulp. She then shakes her head.
"It's nothing."
Meaning, it's something...
"Kam can talk to Chris about anything."
"Really..." The sweet-faced woman says this and takes another sip. Something must be bothering her. I want to know what it is. We're good friends. She should be able to talk to me about anything. "I don't think I can talk about this to anyone."
"…"
"Even Chris."
"Everyone is worried about Karn."
"Everyone?"
"Yes. Jeth, Tho, and everyone at AppTalk noticed that you've been quiet lately. You're not your lively self. Puth is afraid that you're stressed about them teasing us that you don't want to work with us anymore. He sent Chris to..."
"So, you're not here because you wanted to come?"
The coldness of her voice makes me sit up straight and wave my hands.
"That's not what I mean."
"Nothing is wrong. You can tell everyone that. I'm really tired today." Aontakarn stands up and puts the beer down. "Can Chris go home first?"
"Karn." I grab the petite one's wrist, still sitting down. I don't know what to do in this situation. The owner of the wrist in my hand just stands still without saying a word. It's as if she's waiting to see what I will say after I call her name.
Yeah... what should I say? What must I say?
"If it's hard to apologize in your normal state, pretend to be drunk."
Drunk... Yes!
When I think of that, I immediately grab my beer and take a few gulps. Aontakarn looks at me, stunned.
"Why are you drinking so much?"
"I want to get drunk. If I'm drunk... it would be better."
But because I've been practicing with Puth, I can handle alcohol a lot better. My consciousness used to slip away after a few sips, but now I'm still my full self. I didn't go blank. I have to fake it...
I have to pretend to not be my normal self.
Okay!
"Chris... why have you gone quiet?" Aontakarn, who was standing, sits by my side and shakes my body. I have to be as smooth as I can. So I have to be the total opposite of myself.
Thud...
I lean my head on the shoulder of the person next to me. I pretend to not be able to sit up straight. I also use words that I don't normally use.
"Stop playing hard to get, Kam. Chris is here to talk to you. So, please talk to me."
"Chris..." The petite woman tries to push me off, but I cling on to her. I put all of my weight on her and remained in the same position. "Aren't you drunk too quickly? Normally, you can maintain your consciousness longer than this."
"What's it with you? You see that I care for you a lot, so you're playing hard to get? You're not being cute at all."
"The one who's not cute is Chris. Let me go!" Aontakarn seems really mad that she can't get me off her this time. She pushes me, but I lock her down. It's as if we're hugging. Our faces are only a palm-length apart. I have to take this to the end.
I'm very nervous about getting caught.
If Rung is a part of me, I need to use her traits to my maximum benefit now.
"Why are you mad at me?"
"I'm not
"This is annoying. Why are you dodging? If something is wrong, we need to clear the air now... I'm having a heart-to-heart conversation with you."
"Geez. I said it's nothing... Ah... what's this?" I grab a can of beer on the table and pour it down Aontakam's throat. It spills, and it's messy. The sweet-faced woman looks at me, stunned. She's both angry and amused. I almost laughed out loud, but I was able to keep up my act.
"If you're not drunk yet, you wouldn't talk. Drink until you feel more relaxed."
"No."
"Yes."
I stare down at the sweet-faced woman. It makes Aontakarn shrink her neck and look the other way.
"What's with you today?" She sounds timid. I look at her adoringly. Aontakarn sighs and drinks her beer. "I'll drink it. I told you it's nothing, so it's nothing."
"If it's nothing, just keep drinking. Think of it as you're drinking with Chris."
The sweet-faced woman can handle alcohol well, so to expect her to get drunk is quite difficult. But getting her to not be her full self is possible.
What can the benefit of alcohol be, since its origin, if not to make people relax and enjoy themselves? I'm using that benefit to my benefit.
After three cans of beer are gone, the sweet-faced woman's skin starts to turn red, like the healthy person she is. I can tell that the petite one is more relaxed from her clear sulking. She doesn't deny it, like she did when she was fully conscious.
"We don't get to talk much, yeah?" Aontakarn says this: It makes me smile.
"Yes. Two days, I think."
"Three days and four hours."
Wow... she's more detailed than I am. I just gave her the wrong answer intentionally, and she corrected me perfectly.
"Are you sulking at Chris?"
"What makes you think that? What did you do?" The sweet-faced woman glances at me and gulps her beer as if it were plain water. I frown a bit and shake my head because I really don't know.
"I have no clue."
"If you didn't do anything, then why are you so stressed out about it?"
"Because Karn has changed. You are unusually quiet. It worries Chris."
"I thought you just paid attention to the intern."
"You're sulking because I'm training Tern?"
The sweet-faced one gives me a cunning smile and shrugs.
"Chris doesn't mean that much to Kant."
I straightened up to sit stiffly because I'm becoming angry. That makes Aontakarn laugh because she was successful in frustrating me. She's very hard to handle when she's drunk. She's good at making my emotions run wild.
"Then I have no idea what's wrong with Karn. It all started at the welcome party for Tem. I tried to protect Kam from everyone's misunderstanding. Honestly, I have no idea what I did to make you this angry with me."
"Chris didn't do anything wrong..."
"So what's the matter with Kam?"
"Karn just thinks that Karn was bothering Chris too much. You went so far as to tell everyone that you like men... You were very afraid that people misunderstood us."
"Everyone did. Chris doesn't want Karn to feel uncomfortable..."
Aontakarn looked like she was about to cry, so I shut my mouth. I don't get it. What's all this? She wouldn't talk to me. She disappeared from my life. And she said all that was because she didn't want to bother me?
Why is it so complicated?
"What is it..." I reach my hand out to lift the sweet-faced woman's chin. Her eyes are teary. The petite one turns her face away, as if she doesn't want me to see her crying. I can't resist forcing her to look me in the eye by cradling her face. "Please tell Chris what's the matter with Karn."
"Does it make Chris feel really bad that people think we are dating?"
"What... no. I don't feel bad at all. Chris is afraid that it will look bad on you. What if all that teasing makes Kam feel uncomfortable?"
"But you told everyone that you like men..."
"I do."
Aontakarn immediately backs away from me. She's about to get up and walk away. But I'm quicker than her, so I grab her collar and hurriedly add on to that.
"But I like Karn more."
"…"
Oh... what did I just say!
Suddenly, everything goes quiet. I can even hear the crickets from outside. It's so loud that it's frustrating me. It would be nice if they sang in chorus, like Ota cheering on BNK members, because the silence makes me feel at a loss for what to do.
"Ah..."
"Really?"
"W... what?"
"Did you mean it?"
What should I say? I don't like any man at the moment, so, of course, it's true.
"Yes."
Aontakarn dashes in to hug me tightly, like a little girl hugging her mother. I'm a bit stunned. I respond by hugging her back and rubbing her back to console her. The appealing scent of her clothes mixed with the scent of beer put me in a dreamy state. It makes me think of the time we hugged each other to sleep, and I kept sniffing her hair and the nape of the neck. I didn't even know what made me do that.
"Chris..."
The sweet-faced woman calls me softly and looks up at me. Her beautiful brown eyes freeze me. I just respond softly.
"Huh." My hand shifts from stroking her back to cradling her small-framed face. I wipe away her tears adoringly. "Tears don't suit you."
"Someone made me sulk."
"Who dares do that?"
"The one wiping away my tears."
"That person is bad..." I lean down to blow on her eyelids to console her, as if I'm a mother consoling a little kid that just fell down and hurt herself by blowing on her wound. "Does this make you sulk less?"
"Well... it depends on how hard you try to console me."
"What would make you feel like I tried hard enough?"
"This."
Aontakarn leans in to kiss my cheek. I, who was in a dreamy state, regained my consciousness. I look at the person in front of me, stunned.
"…"
Seeing that I'm shocked, Aontakarn is also shocked. So she tries to get away. However, I do not want the petite one to lose any more confidence, so I pull her in and kiss her.
Yet... the petite one wouldn't let me do that. She turns away.
"No."
"I... I'm sorry."
"Don't kiss me... on the mouth."
Aontakarn says this with determination. Yet she pushes me down on the sofa and lightly kisses my jawline, as if she's a cat licking its fur. It's tickling and gives me a strange sensation in my tummy. I unconsciously let out a moan.
"Karn..."
"You can do anything, but no kissing."
When I hear that, I flip myself and push the sweet-faced woman on the sofa instead. I then take the initiative by slipping my hand into her shirt. All the while, I use my nose to snuggle her neck, ear, collar bone, and more...
"Please give Chris an opportunity to console Kam for making you sulk for three days."
"You would have to console Karn a lot, then."