19

Possessive

Aontakarn and I have sulked and reconciled many times. But this is the first time I've been able to withstand it for this long. Even Apple hasn't sent her any messages for over a week.

Here we go again with the gloomy vibes between us. When we are in a meeting or shooting, we don't look at each other. We acted as if the other person didn't exist. Though it's very uncomfortable, I chose to let it

All this is because of what Toy said.

Since Toy said what he did that night at my birthday party, I have been pondering it and imagining what they have been doing. My wild imagination made me go as far as searching stupid questions on the internee, like 'what do you do with your lovers'. Guess how far people have come in this day and age.

And what do people do when they are lovers?

I was so stressed that I called to consult my friend, Nat. Which... I have to admit that I called the right person because not only did she not console me, but she also stressed...

'If you don't do it with your lover, who will you do it with? We're adults. If you don't want to do it, you at least have to use your mouth.'

The more I listened, the more angry 1 became. And when my friend asked me back...

'If you and Aontakarn were lovers, wouldn't you hug, kiss, and caress her?'

It annoyed me until now because I knew that I would do it too... Why else would I pretend to be drunk when I drink beer with her? My inner desire is that strong.

These past few days, I've been thinking and imagining how far Toy and Aontakam went. And when I see her in person, those imaginations fill my head when I look at her. That is why I become angry and avoid looking at her altogether. The tension is spreading throughout the entire office, and everyone can sense it...

"We all have agreed that we will have Karn and Chris go to the ATX meeting."

ATX is a Japanese company that develops game applications. They have plans to enter the Thai market, and, of course, all the websites related to technology are invited. We are one of them.

Aontakarn and I go quiet. We give each other side glances, but we don't say anything. We let the team finish what they had to say.

"When you get there, you can also shoot the JBL headphone clip. It's a good change of setting. Karn is the announcer, so you should go..." I am about to interrupt, but Tho waves his hand to stop me. "We want Chris to go because your English skills are good. All the content will be in English this time. You will be of great help to Kam."

"Puth can do that too. I don't know the technical terms. If I take a poor note, it can be a problem. A thrilling mobile application game may turn into Mario."

"Hey. I'm a man. How can I go with Karn, just the two of us?"

"You two are not sleeping in the same bed."

"Yes, but still. It's better if you go." I feel like Puth's back is against the wall, but he keeps fighting. "ATX gave us two plane tickets and two hotel rooms. Consider this a vacation combined with a business trip."

The sweet-faced woman just listens quietly. She doesn't ask any questions. And, since I couldn't think of a good reason not to go, the team meeting's final decision was made. Actually, my reasons were good, but no one takes them into account.

So, Aontakarn and I are going to Japan together...

After the meeting, Puth runs to me and drags me to talk privately, as if he's afraid that someone will hear us.

"Ouch. What's this?"

"Let's set things straight, idiot." When my handsome brother is sure that no one is around, he talks to me openly, like siblings do. "What's your problem with going to Japan?"

"What problem? I already agreed to go."

"Why did you have to argue that I can speak English as well?"

"You can."

"You saying that could make Aontakarn feel bad. It's like you don't want to go with her."

"I don't... I don't like Japanese food." I'm making lame excuses. My brother doesn't at all believe me. "What's with you? Why are you staring at me?"

"Aontakarn and you are fighting too often. Husband and wife who have been together until they are in their ninties don't fight as much. When you two were in a good place, even her poo smelled nice."

"Ew. What are you saying?"

"Why are you fighting?"

"Nothing."

"We are not stupid. This has been going on since your birthday party, and Aontakarn's ex showed up—that guy named Toad..."

"It's Toy."

"Whatever... When he showed up, you two fought. You were all lovey-dovey before he did. What happened? Tell me."

"Nothing."

"If nothing happened, why did you fight?"

"Aontakarn is the one who's mad at me. I just forgot to tell her that I had had corneal transplantation. She sulked just because of that."

"Why didn't you try to make up with her?"

"Why do I have to be the one who always tries to reconcile with her?" I cross my arms across my chest and scrunch my face. "Also, I don't want to talk to her right now."

"That jerk said something about Kam, didn't he?"

"Ah..."

"You can tell me anything."

I hesitate. I don't know if it's something I should say. But because my brother urges me and probably won't let me get away from him easily, I tell him in the end.

"Toy said that Kam and he were intimate."

"And?"

"And what?" I look at my brother, shocked. "Why aren't you shocked?"

"Why should I be? They were lovers. Of course, they were intimate. If you don't do it with your lover, who would you do it with?"

"What's with people these days? How can you see this as something normal and not be shocked... Women have to be reserved."

"Don't be so narrow-minded. Women and men are equal these days. Moreover, lovers being intimate is very normal. Most importantly, it was in the past."

"But..."

"And why are you so involved? It's not something for you to butt into. Be a friend, not a mother."

"Get ready to go to Japan. Clear things up with Karn. You're an adult. Stop fighting like children."

I can only sigh as I look at my brother's back as he walks away. Maybe I'm being too narrow-minded. It's normal. Everyone does it.

I have to be... more open-minded.

"Good for you." Natty says this and looks at me with cute aggression. "On my birthday, everyone went to my house and announced to my family that I spent the night with my boyfriend. But on your birthday, you wanted to celebrate with just Aontakarn. This is karma. Backstabbing your friends is a great sin."

As I've mentioned before, on everyone's birthday, we have to get together and celebrate until morning. But on my birthday this year, I claimed that I was busy with work, which was true. I didn't lie. My brother forced me to go celebrate with the AppTalk team.

Ah... but when I told my friends, I intended to celebrate only with Aontakarn. I'll admit to that.

"Why are you bringing up the past?"

"So that you know shame. If you had met up with your friends, things wouldn't have turned out this way. So, good for you."

My friends continue to step on me. I can only sigh wearily. I've been very weary this past week. Maybe I have bad luck this year. It's so dreary.

"Aontakarn is sulking because you didn't tell her about your blindness; I can understand. But you're sulking because she "may have" had sex with Toy? This is so unreasonable, whichever way you look at it."

Ern, who is still curious about my behavior, mentions this. I put my head on the table because I don't want to answer any questions.

Yes... I also don't understand why I'm so frustrated.

"Look. I have a lover. I have sex with him regularly. Why would you have a lover for two years without doing anything?" Natty adds on, and that makes me sit up straight and stare at her frustratingly.

"That's you. This is MY Aontakarn!"

"You've got it bad." Meen shakes her head and munches on some peanuts. "If you like her that much, ask her to be your girlfriend."

"I don't like her; I just..."

All eyes are on me, waiting for my answer. I can only stutter because I don't know which word to fill in the blank.

"I'm just worried."

"What are you worried about? They've already had sex."

"I'm possessive!"

My answer makes everyone smile merrily. I place my chin on my hand and do not dare look anyone in the eye. Meen throws peanuts at me in adoration.

"You're more direct, my friend."

So, this trip happens as a result of AppTalk team members' collaboration because they can't stand the tension Aontakarn and I created at the office. We sulk over nonsensical stuff like I didn't tell her about my blindness and overthink about her past, though it's none of my business.

The travel day has arrived. Puth drops me off at the airport. He stresses that I must reconcile with the sweet-faced woman, even if I must crawl to her and do a Thai traditional dance. Is he mad? Thai traditional dance?

"Update me on the situation." He stresses.

Yet it's not easy to lighten the mood between us. To suddenly make up is too fictional. We haven't talked for a week. She will surely ask why I was sulking or angry with her. What am I supposed to tell her?

Because she had sex with Toy...

Argh... that's horrendous.

And it's really uncomfortable between us. It starts since we're at the gate waiting to board the plane. We sit next to each other on the plane but say nothing to each other.

Fine... there's no need for us to talk.

As the plane is taking off, there's an announcement to ask for everyone's collaboration in turning off all communication devices. As I pick up my phone and am about to shut it down, I see a DM on my Twitter. My heart skips a beat when I see that it's from Aontakarn.

Dear you... who is loved

You disappeared. What happened? You're my only encouragement, but suddenly you disappeared. I'm so lost

Aontakarn

This is the first time that the sweet-faced woman has communicated with Apple. These past few months, I have been the only one who has tried to keep in contact. But I was fine with not getting any feedback. I glance over at Aontakarn, who's sitting next to me, and I see that she's already fallen asleep.

All of my ego vanished. I press my lips together tightly, not knowing what to do. I look out the window of the plane.

Thud...

Aontakarn's petite head leans on my shoulder. It's as if she has no bones in her neck. I startle a bit and look at her pitifully. It's probably not a comfortable position to be sleeping in.

"Karn."

"…"

When I'm certain that Aontakarn is deep asleep, I pull her in to lean filly on me so she's more comfortable. We haven't touched for a while... As a result, touching her like this makes me really miss her.

"I'm sorry."

"…"

"I acted foolishly."

"Sob..."

I can hear sobbing. It tells me that the petite woman isn't really asleep. My heart races. I feel guilty, and I pity her. I don't know what to do next.

"If you're no longer angry with me, can you please hold Chris's hand?"

Initially, everything is still. But it didn't take long for the person next to me to reach out her hand to hold mine. She clasped her fingers into mine. She squeezes my hand and holds it tightly. I look at her reaction, relieved. It's as if I have been forgiven.

"Kam thought that Chris would never speak to Karn ever again."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Normally, Chris would try to make up with me. But this time, you just disappeared. It was like when my mother was angry because I got home late without telling her. She ignored me for weeks... same as Chris."

"Chris is acting like your mother again."

"Sob."

"Please don't cry, good girl." I use my other hand to wipe the petite one's tears. Her head is still on my shoulder. She's crying nonstop, like a little child. "I was wrong for never telling you about my transplantation. Ah... I didn't know when to bring that up because when I'm with Karn, I forget all the drama in my life."

"…"

"I'll tell you everything. You can ask anything you want."

"Why did you disappear..." Aontakarn opens her eyes. She tries to pick her words carefully as she asks. "Are you annoyed with me?"

"No."

"Then, why did you disappear?"

"I was narrow-minded." I tighten my lips, feeling awkward. I don't know if the sweet-faced lady would get mad again if I told her. Maybe she will never forgive me again if she knows.

"Narrow-minded? About what?"

"Toy was saying weird stuff about Kam. And I didn't like it..." I glance at the sweet-faced woman and avoid eye contact. "Toy said that you two were intimate."

"…"

Everything falls silent. I can guess that Aontakarn is angry. It's very intimate and personal. And so what if they were? It's none of my business.

"Karn must be angry... I know that."

"This is why you didn't look at me or talk to me?"

"Ah-huh."

"You believed Toy without thinking of asking me first?"

Aontakarn is about to pull her hand away. Because I'm afraid that the situation between us will go

downhill, I say what's on my mind more honestly than I've ever done. I almost hit myself after I did.

"Chris didn't believe Toy, but Chris..."

The sweet-faced woman pauses and looks at me silently. She's waiting to hear what I have to say. To be honest, it's something very hard for me to say... But if there's a subject, it must be followed by a verb. And so I have to finish the sentence to make it make

sense.

"Chris is possessive."