* Running *
Before I know It, I'm already running.
He hears my footsteps crunch on the icy grass behind him, turning quickly to face me. Startled and slightly crouched as if ready to attack whatever is behind him. The games don't leave any of us, not really. He straightens up but doesn't look any more relaxed. I don't speak. Neither of us do. We stand in silence, face to face for the first time in a while.
We stand in a standstill- neither of us making a move just cold tension that passes two feet between his body and mine. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Not even a squeak. He stares at me but his gaze feels like ice striking through my heart. It's not the soft loving gaze I've seen from him in the past. It's stiff and cold. But not hateful. He has an expression I find hard to make out. This is unusual, in the past I've always been able to read him, manipulation wasn't his strong suit but charming was. And charming he was indeed. Without a word, I take a few steps backwards before breaking into a full sprint back to my house, slamming the door behind me and resting against It. I slide down to the floor feeling defeated. I peak out my window to find Peeta still standing where I left him probably equally confused as I am. He looks like a marble statue, so still and sculpted. His face snaps over to my window and we lock eyes again for a moment before he turns around and goes into his house.
That night I go to bed more confused than I've ever been in my life. What was that?
The next morning I wake to the smell of food and when I go downstairs I find Greasy Sae making breakfast. She turns and smiles saying, "good morning girly. I'm surprised to see you up!"
"Yeah, me too,"I say as I sit at the table. She sets a plate down in front of me which I actually eat for once. I was getting really thin and weak, I need to start eating again. When she sits down across from me, she strikes up a conversation. "You know, I take care of the boy now too. He doesn't have anyone besides Haymitch and...You. He asks about you every morning now. I really believe he's getting better."
What she says catches me completely off guard. "He does?"I ask bewildered. Given our encounter last night, I would've doubted if he thought of me at all.
"He does," she confirms, "I'm going to go take care of him after, I'll keep you updated on his progress."
"Thanks Sae,"I say gratefully. What would I do without her? She's been a better mother to me than my own. She's watched over me since I was a child. I wish I was better with words because she deserves to know how much her efforts have been appreciated.
"No problem girly," she says. Soon she leaves and I walk her out the door. I watch from the porch as she makes her way over to his house. He opens up the door and hands her a loaf of bread served with a big smile. She smiles, they share conversation which ends with her hugging him and leaving. I thought she took care of him?
He must not want her to take care of him anymore. He really is getting better.
A week later I get a call from Greasy Sae's granddaughter saying that she's sick. I thank her for informing me and decide to go hunting so that I can bring her a few squirrels.
Going out into the forest reminds me of Gale. I miss having a best friend. But he decided to go to district two, so I haven't seen him since...since..No katniss, he didn't kill her, it was an accident. I've been trying to convince myself that he didn't kill Prim, but it's still hard not to blame him. Deep down I know he had no control over the situation but it's so easy to hate him for creating such a monstrous weapon.
Though I haven't been hunting in forever, I still have a great shot and hit 5 squirrels, 6 birds, and a turkey. When I get to Sae's house, her granddaughter greats me at the door. She's a sweet thing, reminds me of Madge. "Hi Sae. I brought you a few squirrels and some birds. I hope you get better."
"Why, thank you girly. But you didn't have to do that," she says with a soft smile.
"And you don't have to take care of me, Sae! You don't know how much I appreciate you. Please, it was no trouble. My pleasure in fact," I say and she smiles.
Then there's another knock on the door. Her granddaughter gets it as I put the meat away. Right as I close the refrigerator, someone walks in. I turn to see Peeta with bread in his hands. We both freeze, just like last night.
When I look into his eyes, they are the beautiful oceans of blue, unlike the last few times I've seen him with dark black holes. He doesn't smile, but he doesn't look angry. It's almost as if he barely sees me.
But then he snaps out of whatever he was thinking and says,"Hello, Katniss."
I stand there for a moment, shocked at the feeling the sound of his voice gives me. How can something be so threatening and comforting at the same time?
"Hello, Peeta."
For a split second, I see what looks like a smile. But it disappears all too fast.
He says the words I dread to hear anytime I speak to someone. "How've you been?"
"Okay,"I lie.
"Oh come on Katniss, after everything nobody is ever okay,"he almost spits. I tense up. It's like being in a room with a snake, you never know when it's going to strike. I stare him down for a moment before finally speaking back.
"Fine, I haven't been okay. P-prim is gone, my mom is gone, Gale is gone,...and...You were gone." I feel the held in tears and heat in my face, so I walk out and say a quick goodbye to Sae before taking off running. I don't even realize where I'm running, until I find myself at the lake. The summer sun shines off of the clear water.
I sit looking at my reflection, thinking yet again how Prim should be alive and not me. But I also can't deny the fact that Peeta was there, and actually wanted to know how I feel. I will never be able to ignore the fact that nobody can understand what I went through. Except Peeta, who not only went through it with me but five times worse.
There is still a tiny spark of hope that things can be good again for once. It was always there, just covered by dictatorship and eventually oblivion, but it's there. And things can be normal, I hope.