Hello, it is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter! I am officially back from my hiatus. I hope you're doing well! Like how it usually goes, while I did spend some good time writing during my break from uploading, I wrote a lot of things that I technically wasn't supposed to - or rather, I got loads of new ideas rather than tackling the list that I had planned :D This, however, is a chapter that I wrote back in the summer. Once again, we revisit Justin and Eli and it's set in the timeframe of when Justin has split up with Sammy and they are a proper couple. In this chapter, however, a pretty big moment for them happens which really solidifies their future! I hope you enjoy. It starts off a little sad with all the goodbyes (like the title suggests :P) but I think it picks up :)
Justin handed over his luggage and filed away the receipts that he received in turn, thanking the airport assistant for their help ahead of turning away. Before he could fully raise his wrist closer to his face and turn to the gaggle of people accompanying him, and before he could even think of mustering up the courage to say that he probably should be saying goodbye soon, he felt a stable shoulder pressing against his narrow one.
Justin felt the same presence of his father that had been there for all his days on earth and absorbed the smile that he was giving him, as well as the ring clad hand that he felt on his shoulder.
"You definitely packed everything that you needed, didn't you?" James asked his son with his head tilting to the side in a motion that was unlike a teacher drumming into a weary student. Justin's youngest daughter, Layla, hiccupped from her grandfather's hip.
Justin's arm forgot any instinct to double check the time and his right arm hung limply by his thigh while his other hand bent backwards. He was securing the backpack that was close to slipping off his left shoulder.
He, however, smiled in a way at his father that was not falsified, and he nodded his head, only literally looking down at his father.
"Yes, definitely packed everything, Dad." Justin confirmed, briefly catching the eyes of the other people that had tagged along for his departure, before feeling James' hand leaving his shoulder and that sensation of his shoulder bedding into his narrow one a second time.
Justin may not have been a rookie at going away on tour, but his dad was always going to be his dad.
"You got your snacks for the hotel?" he inquired.
"Yes, Dad."
"The right phone charger?"
"Yes, Dad." Justin repeated, his eyes on him as much as he wanted to dart them to where he could feel fond smiles omitting.
"Your water bottle in your backpack?"
"Yes." James was aware to the fact that the word dad had been dropped. His eyes, however, did not lose their diamond.
"Do you have the guitar strap that doesn't dig too much into your shoulder?"
"Yes, Dad."
Ah. So, the "dad" was back.
But not for long!
"Your hat?"
Justin needed to put an end to all of this. Promptly!
"Dad! Yes! I'm good to go!" Justin tried to allow only exasperation along with his words to tumble out of his lips, but he couldn't stop his mouth from stretching wide, his dimple appearing like a ripe segment of fruit for the first time since they arrived at the airport.
James' hand was back on his son's shoulder, Katie noticed this. And she also wondered whether he was waiting to hear the words that Justin really wanted to go, even if the upcoming goodbye was going to be as difficult as ever.
Of course he did. Touring was his passion. His livelihood. His lifeline. But so were his family.
James smiled across from his son, adjusted Layla who was hugging onto him while lulling on his hip but not needing to be entertained, before deciding that he needed to make sure Justin had one more thing.
For a rare occasion, not even Katie knew what his next question was going to be, despite his arm that was not clutching Layla opening an inch or two prematurely.
"Hug from your dad to keep you going for the next two weeks?" A smile graced James' lips that spoke more of the emotions he felt inside rather than just the determination to keep things as normal as possible for Justin. For everyone, really.
You might have thought that following their previous banter, Justin would be quick to go back to old ways and bellow at his dad, reminding him that he had everything that he needed. But Justin had taken a minute to stop. To listen. To think.
This wasn't exactly something he had forgotten. But it was something that every part of him would never turn away from for a single second.
Justin exhaled slowly out of his nostrils before moving in for the embrace that James was offering him. He had never felt gladder that someone else had set the goodbyes into motion. To tell you the truth, if somebody else hadn't, then he was doubtful he would ever board the plane.
"I would never forget that." Justin mumbled into his father's shoulder once he had settled into the embrace, feeling the comforting way that James was squeezing him as well as Layla's small hand reaching to play with a badge on the strap of his backpack now. They were all close to being intwined.
He also heard the way that his daughter chattered away to herself, giggling. But he didn't think that she was laughing at the lingering hug between father and son.
Neither James nor Justin really wanted to let go, although it was the older of the two to set a goodbye in motion. James certainly did not want to feel his son leaving his arm after he felt his vocal cords rumbling against his shoulder.
But James knew that those vocal cords needed to be put to their use. Thousands of fans had bought tickets and were desperate to hear how he sung night after night, and certainly wanted to hear what he had to say in between songs, holding onto every little word of every little anecdote as if they were around a campfire, enlightened by folklore.
James would be the first to admit that he related to every one of them. He was in awe of all his children. But Justin spoke a language that cut right to his very core. He was certainly going to miss hearing it right in front of him and would have to get used to it crackling down the phone.
"Look after yourself out there. Look after each other." James swallowed and managed to form words of his own. Words that, in his mind, were bland in comparison to what Justin could conjure up day to day. "I love you with all my heart."
His head moved once or twice from side to side as he said these words as if they were nothing even though they were everything, adjusting his glasses and blinking rapidly to the lenses didn't appear like a car windscreen in a rainstorm.
Justin and James could feel Eli and Katie wrap an arm around each other from behind upon hearing this, and Eli's spare hand also dropped to cup Darcy around the shoulder blade, Katie doing the same to Zack. He was, for once, perfectly still instead of aching to run all around and in every direction.
James chose to say these words instead of telling his son that he would miss him. But the ones that he had chosen still echoed with this sentiment. And Justin's did too when he responded, shutting his eyes, and moving back in for one more hug.
A briefer one this time.
"You too, Papa." Justin spoke through his heart setting up a home in his throat for the time being, hoping that the way that he patted in between his father's shoulder blades said more than the clumsy words that he felt he was stringing together. "Look after each other, please."
Justin squeezed his father for one more second before pulling away, mirroring his father's clapping together eyelashes but he also was not the slightest bit embarrassed by the small droplets of wetness that could not be blinked away.
James nodded without a moment of hesitation. He held a hand over his chest, saluting to his son's words, before stepping back after handing Layla to her father. He knew it was time for an incredibly challenging goodbye. But in the same breath, the words that Justin had conjured up had made him feel brave enough to witness it without crumbling.
He thought of all the people with an invisible thread entwining them together, everybody holding hands in different ways like dolls made from paper, remaining sturdy and loyal to Justin no matter where he roamed.
God, they would all miss him so much. But it was a privilege to live your dream. Like breathing air, it was something that he just had to do.
"Ahhh, I'm going to have such stories to tell you all, you know that?" Justin began, pressing a kiss to the cheek of Layla who was under two years old so hardly knew what was going on. But he crouched down on the ground with her, breaking the distance with Darcy and Zack who darted forward despite knowing what was coming. "But I'm going to enjoy hearing about all of your adventures equally as much."
It took quite a lot for Justin to crouch on the floor in his black lace up canvas shoes while having a backpack clinging loosely to his shoulder and a toddler clinging closely albeit happily to his right side and this was even before he threw off his balance by opening his spare arm to his eldest children with Sammy.
Although Zack was unusually quiet and Darcy's big brown eyes seemed to be thinking bigger thoughts even more than normal, it was all fun and games to Layla who giggled to herself, speaking a clear word while her siblings were nodding slowly at what Justin had said.
"Dada!" she exclaimed, making a sudden lunge for a tighter hug from him that very nearly sent him off balance! Thankfully, James was moving around to offer Katie a hand to hold so he was able to touch the top of his boot next to Justin's thigh, steadying him.
Justin knew what his strengths were and though he felt that he needed to be eye level with his children, he could see that it wasn't possible with Layla around. So, he stood back up to his full height instead, giving Layla another kiss on the cheek and a squeeze as well before his right hand that was decorated with a single ring took a turn stroking the tops of his children's heads all while speaking to them.
His hand didn't give up their gesture for a very long time. It was as if he was savoring what it was like to be present with them.
"I know you're going to have so much fun at Pápa's house and seeing Eli at the weekends." Justin continued, surprising himself by saying his boyfriend's name even though that of course put it into his mind that eventually he would have to say goodbye to him too. "And you have your calendars in your rooms, don't you? You know that I will see you again in exactly two weeks? You can watch the gap get smaller."
It made Eli's naturally discoid eyes grow even wider to suppress emotions when he heard Justin saying his name, let alone the way that his boyfriend reassuringly and pragmatically reminded his children that they would see them again, and they were in safe hands until he returned.
Of course he would. And of course they were. They had always been so resilient in going back and forth between Justin and Sammy when they had parted ways. It would be fun for them to see more of their Pápa at a time than they usually did.
Eli didn't want to ponder too much on how he too had been blessed with an amount of custody for children who were not blood but were certainly in his heart. He would start sobbing right in the middle of the airport.
Katie knew. Her other hand slid into his while James was protecting her left one.
"We'll watch the gap get smaller." Darcy was the one to find it in her to confirm, her eyes as grown-up and soulful as ever and her little voice sensible as always. "And we'll phone you every single day." She was the one to suggest this, but Justin had reminded her that this would happen in the car ride to the airport. She turned to Zack who was a head shorter than her. "Won't we, Zacky?"
Eli, James, and Katie's eyes dropped down to where Zack had been being unusually silent. Justin's eyes followed too half a second later, privately predicting that since he had been given the floor to speak, he might use the opportunity to kick and thrash.
He might have been the one to start sobbing in the airport, screaming, and punching. He didn't want to see more of Sammy, and he certainly did not want to spend the weekends with boring Eli!
The truth was the opposite. Zack did not have any ounce of this emotion kept inside his temperamental heart, ready to explode. Instead, he seemed bored of the whole thing!
"Yeah." Zack agreed like he was begrudgingly agreeing to try a new food for dinner instead of a more enticing pizza and chips. But then his eyes caught sight of a gift shop in the distance and it sparked interest in him. He was only five, so he did not mask the diamonds in his own muddy gaze. "Are you going to bring us home presents?"
Justin had reminded the children of all the people who would be there for them in his absence but in the next moment he was shown that he had forgotten someone from the way that she nudged Zack disapprovingly after he blurted out these words.
It was Darcy.
She shook her head at her little brother, breathing out his name, appalled that he was turning a sad goodbye into something for his own gain. But he was only five. And he hadn't had to grow up as quickly as she had.
Fortunately, Justin saw the funny side and then the other grown-ups did too following Justin not being offended that his son cared more about presents than his absence. After handing Layla over to James again since he had learned from his mistakes the last time around, he crouched down in front of Zack and held both hands out to him.
His pale hands were a stark comparison to his son's skin before they dropped to hold onto his little hands, happily playing along because there was no way that he could lie to his children.
Of course he would be bringing back presents!
"Mmm, I'll probably be able to find something very special over in Galar." Justin jiggled Zack's hands in his own pair so that the child's arms did a little dance, his eyes lighting up the airport upon hearing this, let alone the confirmation that he was going to be treated. "Is there anything particular that will make you really happy?"
Justin had encouraged his son's upper body to come alive with the little jiggle they were doing and then it was as if Zack had been given full permission to let loose. It started with his toes twiddling in his trainers. But then his legs fully became alive. It was as though he was filled with the electricity that sizzled in my cheeks. He jolted up and down!
Despite his earlier quietness, his mind lurched into action as promptly as his body. He knew exactly what he wanted. He was sure that if anyone could sort it out for him then it was his dad.
"A rocket ship!" Zack exclaimed, his eyes lighting up with the fuel of the vessel that he wanted his father to return with. "A big, huge, giant rocket ship so we can both go to space instead of boring Galar!"
Justin, again, couldn't help but see the funny side and the other grown-ups this time were quicker to join in with the laughter. Darcy still felt bad about the whole fiasco. But she had to take a step back and remind herself that she wasn't the parent - Justin was, and Sammy was, even though he wasn't there, and it was up to him to voice his opinion.
It was unusual for her to welcome herself into a conversation, but Katie, with a hand tucked inside one each of Eli and James', spoke to Justin properly for the first time since he had handed his luggage over.
Perhaps she wanted to see if she could even speak ahead of saying that looming goodbye.
"I think that that would be quite tough for him to fit inside his suitcase!" Katie told Zack, making more than just Justin smile before moving closer to the little boy, breaking her hand away from James because she figured that he needed the comfort less.
Katie's hand touched the top of Zack's energetic hair before his face could fully fall, devastated by the bite of reality.
Zack's eyebrows did plait together. But Justin was still in front of him. And his hands had moved to his shoulders to soothe him, before they cupped his face once again, lingering there.
"I'll see what I can do." Justin encouraged his grin to soften to a smile, squeezing his son's cheeks and touching him on the nose before standing back up to his full height. He shared a look with James that spoke that his grandson was a chip off the old block, before sharing his gaze with the whole group. "I guess a rocket ship could be a worthwhile investment. It would certainly make the school run a lot faster!"
Again, the airport filled with laughter. It was amazing that a place filled with such heartbreaking goodbyes could also sing the tunes of merriment too. It was one of those paradoxical places like hospitals. The walls echoed with every kind of emotion that you could think of.
And although I wasn't there, I knew that I was glad that there was a place for the joy.
Justin stopped devoting his attention towards Zack for the time being and moved to break the distance with his father and Layla, asking her what she wanted him to bring back for her even though she was sure to say an answer as farfetched as her older brother!
True to everyone's speculations, Layla didn't have much to say at all and merely giggled to herself as usual, her earrings hanging in her ears glittering as much as her eyes as she copied their father's previous gesture towards Zack.
Layla cupped Justin's face in her small hands, feeling his dimples appearing underneath! Justin did the same back to her and poked her on the end of the nose two before dropping down into a crouch in front of Darcy, not leaving any of his children left behind.
He could see that it was her turn to be quiet like Zack had once been. She knew that the start of this question was the beginning of the inevitable goodbye. But she could not will her legs into being energetic like her brothers and run for the hills.
She had to fight complicated emotions like both her dads had taught her. She had to stand up to fear and look at it in the eye.
Darcy managed to lift her chin and look up at Justin in the eye. The smile in which he gave her made her feel like the pieces of her heart were coming together and falling away within the same breath.
"Is there anything I can get for you, Darcy?" Justin asked, not wanting to overwhelm her by reaching for her as he figured that she was going to be the one who had the hardest time of all the children, despite wondering if Zack could have a tantrum.
Justin's hands lingered listlessly on his own thighs as he waited to hear what his eldest daughter had to say. In the end, she gazed deeply at his face and pressed her lips together in a brave line, revealing dimples that they shared, and for a rare occasion, spoke the first thing that came to mind.
Darcy did not know how to say anything else other than that.
"You'll know when you see it." Darcy whispered before a jolt of energy took hold of her, surging her body forward. She collapsed into Justin's arms. His hands may have been purposeless before, but now he knew exactly what they were for.
They were for holding. They were for holding his daughter. He did not hesitate to embrace her back, shutting his own eyes because, God, if he kept them open then all his emotions would trickle down his cheeks in the form of tears.
Katie wanted more than ever to clutch onto the hands of James and Eli and not just to comfort them, but Zack had grown restless again, so she needed to supervise his running around in circles while his sister and their father had their moment.
James and Eli did not hold hands, but they instinctively moved closer together with Katie no longer between them, their shoulders speaking words even if their mouths did not, gazing at the scene in front of them.
Justin didn't say any words either. Couldn't say them. Everything that he longed to say was swirling around in his mind so relentlessly that it would take a song in the next couple of years to piece together what he truly wished to say.
Regardless, Justin held his daughter, and he held her with all his might. He held her with all the love in the world.
Like how his own father was in awe of all his children, Justin was going to miss all his own offspring equally as much. But Darcy was a girl after his own heart. She always had a lot of questions and Justin prided himself in usually knowing the answer to them.
Oh, how he was going to miss her ever-expanding mind. How he was going to miss their father-daughter chats. How he was going to miss every part of her. But he did not say this with words. Did not think she could handle it. Didn't think he could handle it.
So, instead, when he finally pulled away from her, he planted a kiss to her forehead and allowed the love that he had for her to melt into her skin, right there. She was a different girl following their embrace. Darcy still did not have a lot to say. But she held her head higher. She moved more surer in her skin when she took over minding Zack.
It was as if Justin's affection and his own vulnerability had shown her who she needed to be while he was away. Exactly herself. There was no way that she was going to be anything else but that. She was certainly going to live up to that expectation.
Katie watched Darcy take over responsibility of Zack and could see that Layla was still happily with James and Eli was lingering close by his side, hands in his pockets for something to focus on, and when Justin made his way over to her and her only, she knew it was time for their inevitable goodbye.
She could feel tears welling in her eyes from the second that Justin looked at her, let alone smiled at her in that wan way that he often did to her – the smile that she teased made him look very polite – his full lips disappearing together and a lonesome dimple taking center stage on his face.
Despite the nauseous feeling taking over her head and her heart let alone her stomach, like a moth to a flame, Katie approached him as well and knew that she had to be as brave as his children were being.
"Sooo, I guess you're wanting something from Galar as well, aren't you?" Justin broke the silence that had been hanging between them in this way first, reaching for her hands before he held her in any other way. "Place your orders, lovely. I'm all ears."
Katie's head had already been swinging from side to side in wordless communication that she did not know how she was going to say goodbye to him, and this motion picked up the pace even more when she heard his words, feeling his hands clutching hers as tight as they always did when it was time for a farewell.
He had been going on tour and bidding her farewell since he was nineteen years old, younger than she was at that point in her life. But she still could not get used to it. She still could not get used to the way that he gripped onto her hands.
She wanted to shove those pale, cold things away. And in the same breath, she wanted to never let them go, joining them to her cheek so he could feel her own forlorn dimple forming there.
Katie wanted to tell Justin so many things. But in the end, she only said certain words, and let her gestures do most of the talking.
"I just want you to bring yourself back. Safe and sound." She told Justin, welcoming herself into his arms just like Darcy had done, her arms wrapping fiercely around his neck as they embraced to make up for the distance that needed to be created between their torsos.
No doubt would her bump get its own goodbye at the proper time.
Justin had a feeling that Katie would say something along those lines. For all their friendship and their inside jokes and ability to wind each other up, he knew that she would just want him to return to her one day so they could get cozy on the sofa and read a book or watch a film.
Justin knew Katie was likely to speak these words. But that did not make it any easier to hear.
He had always felt able to be vulnerable around her. To be his true self. Perhaps this is why it was her goodbye that knocked the wind out of him the most. He needed to squeeze his eyes as tightly together as they were embracing each other, or he would suddenly realize that he did not want to go away at all.
Home life was his new dream. He did not need any fans. Not if he had his family.
"Two weeks." Justin whispered to her, feeling a tear kissing at the bottom of his eyelid and needing to breath steadily to absorb it back into his eyes. "I'll see you again in two weeks." He reassured her as much as he reassured himself. And then he wished to tearfully pull away so he could look at her face rather than the darkness inside his head. "Unless you want to take The Valentine out across the way?"
It was only a joke. Katie had a life of her own and he never expected her to drop everything to tag along for a dream that was his and his alone. But as much as his eyes glinted with emotion, there was a quality of hope lingering behind his irises.
It would be wonderful to see her, and her beloved vessel pull up on the shore of a particular water dominated city and to know that they could find a sofa backstage at a venue to sit on together and chat like they were back in her family's wooden cabin.
Justin had always been able to be vulnerable with Katie. And in turn, she knew how to bring him down to reality in the kindest way. She did there and then. Not that it was a particularly tough blow anyway.
She chuckled tearfully to herself, unhooking her hands from Justin though she had been sure that she would never have the strength to do this, moving her touch down to her bump that was stretching so far forward that it was nearly bashing into Justin's concave stomach.
"I don't see that happening any time soon." Katie told Justin as much as she told her unborn little one, wondering if she was going to wake up from her peaceful slumber inside of there and kick in protest.
No doubt would a child of hers wish to visit Justin on tour as much as her mother did!
Justin laughed quietly in understanding, nodding his head to accompany the gesture, his hands sliding into the pockets of his skinny jeans now that he did not have Katie's digits to hold. And now that he could also feel his tears pouring through his palms.
He moved them against the lining to dry them.
"Right." Justin said, this small word hinting that his ask hadn't been a joke after all. But then his expression brightened as much as it could, naturally softening when he looked down at Katie and her bump, his pupils memorizing every detail. "You'll tell me the second you think you are having her, won't you?" Justin asked, turning serious. "Even if I'm on stage?"
Katie watched Justin's hands reveal themselves back out of his pockets once again, one hand reaching to clasp her hand in hers and the other cupping her bump, knowing a beautiful little baby was inside of her and itching to reveal itself to the world very soon.
She had to resist the urge not to rest her hand on top of Justin's while it was on top of her belly, thinking that he would stay if her and Jayden's baby had been early.
But she didn't want that. Not really. He had his dreams. And she had hers. Even if they often appeared to intertwine.
"Of course, I will." Katie told Justin, searching for his eyes though for the next couple of seconds they were occupied with looking down at her bump, rhythmically patting some potential new song idea against her concealed skin. "You'll be one of the first to know."
Justin had figured this. But it was still nice to be reassured. He stopped using Katie's belly as a gentle drum and stopped fixing his gaze on the curve and looked at her face instead, his eyebrows moving closer to his neat hairline as he knew which words he wished to go on to say.
His long locks were never going to be as neat with her fixing them as soon as she greeted him for the day!
"Great." Justin exhaled, revealing his teeth to Katie and anybody else who was watching before taking a step closer to her without her stomach growing into him, seizing both her hands all over again. "And you'll update me on Daisy's little one too, yeah?"
Justin watched every movement of Katie's expression and was in tune with it. He guessed what was coming right from the second that she mirrored his own countenance, her eyebrows moving to her hairline and grinning, although it was out of affection rather than anything else.
Katie spoke in between chuckles.
"Little one?" she repeated. Justin might have known that she was going to come out with a joke, but he did not know which one, so was perturbed by her repetition. "It's not due until July but it's definitely not going to be a little one if it takes after Jorginho" Katie could feel James snickering behind while resting a loose hand on Eli's drooping shoulder. "The bump will be nearer to you in Galar than Daisy is!"
When Justin began to snicker, it was not because he heard his father letting his own free behind him. After being momentarily confused by Katie's need of repetition, he felt the desire to feel his own chuckles twitching the insides of his abdomen – effortlessly so.
Oh, how Justin was going to miss her sense of humor. And their shared times of humor together. He decided to say words – one word – before his mind could entice him too near to thinking of the loss rather than the gain.
"True." Justin said with his mouth stopping from stretching so wide but his expression still not falling flat. His lips pressed into a smile together, a brave dimple appearing.
He may have done his level best to keep his chin up, but it was Katie that he was standing in front of. She did not hesitate for a single second to stop cupping her own bump in her hands and take hold of Justin's own in her clasp, reassuring him about what she was sure was on his mind.
She knew that she was mistaken surrounding the way that his eyes had continually darted to where Eli was with his children after he had quietened down.
She felt that she knew why.
"I'll look after him. You know that, right?" Katie's voice was naturally as soft as a feathery pillow but this quality prevailed even further than usual out of consideration and tact. She knew that James was the one with impeccable hearing. But she did not wish for Eli to feel red faced. "He'll be okay."
Justin longed to bask in the feeling of how cradled he felt by Katie – and not just because of the way that she was entwining his pale fingers with hers, squeezing them. She always knew exactly what to say. She always knew exactly what he wasn't saying.
Nevertheless, he almost acted as if this hadn't been on his mind with the sentences that tumbled out soon after.
"I know." Justin squeezed her fingers back, before his throat lurched and words ran away from him. "You'll keep an eye on Sammy too, won't you?" he couldn't help but chuckle. Nervously. Guiltily. Katie couldn't make up her mind which it was. "I mean, we'll probably chat at least daily. But it'll be about the children so…"
Justin did not need to finish this sentence.
While trying to get sentences out after them breaking away from him, Justin's dimple had gone into hiding, like a crescent moon refusing to reveal itself from behind a cloud. To retrieve it back to them both – as well as to offer comfort – Katie broke a hand away from Justin's to tap that empty space.
She nodded her head at her best friend, her eyes meeting his.
"Of course, I will." Her voice was as level and as flat as the concrete in the path that they both used to ride bicycles along as children. Katie's eyes didn't depart from his once, not even as she continually bobbed her head. "I'll look after them both."
She stopped herself from saying the words both your boys. She could have said all your boys to include James too. But she knew that Justin read between the lines as much as she did. And she did not exactly wish for him to realize that he would be away from more than just the one person that he loved.
Before Katie could consider saying anything else or even revel in the private delight that his dimple had appeared again, kissing against the pad of her finger, Justin exhaled a breath that he had been holding onto for a while and drew her into his arms.
She hoped that it would not be the last time. But she felt that it was. There was still one more person to bid farewell to.
"Look after yourself though, most importantly." Justin mumbled against her shoulder as she squeezed the air out of him, just like she had been previously doing to his hands. This felt even better. "And… And message me anything at all. Any time at all."
As if she needed encouraging!
But it was times such as these that she did. Justin was going away and having adventures. Part of her would always fret that her dull messages from back home would get on her nerves, that he didn't want to know that she had started re-reading an old book or she had found a DVD with an alternate sleeve from a secondhand shop that she just had to bring home.
Justin didn't think she would ever believe that he needed her to send these messages as much as she needed to type them. Messages from back home. She was very much part of his home. It was always difficult to say goodbye to Katie. That was evident from the droplet stain he left on her shoulder long after they pulled away from each other.
His eyes were, however, dry when they smiled at each other once more, and Katie headed back over to James to take over the watch of the children. He had been doing such a good, quiet job at watching over Eli too. But there and then was the time that they had all been waiting for really.
It certainly was the thing that Justin and Eli were dreading the most.
Justin did not need to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand just in case and he did not need to summon Eli directly, with a mere yearning look of the eyes or a movement of the hand or otherwise.
They had once known when it was time to part. And these days, they both were in tune for when it was time for anything.
With a swallow and bringing his lower lip into his mouth before letting it go and doing the same to his top lip, sucking on it, Eli stuffed his hands further into his pockets and allowed those discoid eyes of his to travel upwards to meet Justin's.
He did not know what to say. He did not want to be the one to put forth the goodbye. Because, needless to say, he didn't wish to say it at all.
"Are you doing okay, Lij?" Justin decided to be the one to speak and that surprised them both equally as much. Because he knew the score without even needing to be told, his own hands mirrored Eli's, making a home inside of his pockets instead of reaching out to him.
Yikes.
Why did Justin have to say that? Why did Justin have to make a big deal?
Eli's eyes faltered, looking down to both their shoes which connected them both on the ground, even though Justin towered above him at the best of times. He certainly felt like a twiggy statue in front of a colossal tower when he heard those words.
When he felt his care breaking his heart because he knew that the closest thing that he would get to it for the time being was over a video call.
Despite the desire to look away – even to run away – Eli could not do his boyfriend the disservice of lying to him.
One hand escaped from the dungeon of his pocket and pushed his locks further back even though his curls had already been tamed to perfection.
"I mean… No. I'm not going to see you for two weeks." Eli answered, his hand falling back away from his hair and towards his thigh with a silent motion. But then he conjured up a smile. He had always known how to falsify one like a well-behaved little painted doll. "But it's not about me."
Justin vehemently disagreed. He showed that with more than just private thoughts.
"It's always about you." Justin blurted out and then following this confession, he took a minute to decide whether it was too much – whether he was being too much – while Eli's eyes fixated back on his once more. They so desperately wanted to remember. "I want you to feel as settled as the children." The top of one of Justin's fingers itched towards Eli's. "I'll be back in two weeks. Before you know it."
After being so entranced by Justin's eyes while he spoke to him, Eli's eyes then dropped down all over again where he could feel his fingers breaking the distance with his. And then to where he could feel his knuckles brushing against his.
Eli looked at Justin once again.
Before Justin could swallow and his chest could heave, convinced that he really had gone too far, Eli's hand that was remaining outside of his pocket stopped merely swinging there.
He hooked his pointer finger around Justin's, the two of them entwining together with silent crackles of electricity.
It was, however, Eli's words that took all the air out of Justin's lungs.
"And then you'll be gone again." Eli pointed out, more than just the electricity cracking between them as his voice did the same thing, adding more words as if this would stop Justin from hearing his sadness. "And I'll be saying goodbye to you all over again."
Eli knew what he had done the second after he had said all these words and Justin's alluring dual toned eyes growing milky as he reacted to them. He, however, did not snatch his touch away from his boyfriend.
He merely spoke aloud the only words that he could muster.
"Elijah…" Justin mumbled, although he did not need to keep it down. Katie and James and the children had already given them enough space. Enough privacy. They were in their own little bubble.
A bubble burst. But not their one. The earlier attitude and emotions that Eli previously had been unable to keep under control suddenly snapped. He knew that he needed to be brave. Not just for himself and for the children but for Justin.
He did not want him to think that he was fine without him. But he needed him to know that he could trust him enough to leave him with his children. The little pieces of his heart. Eli would always keep them safe.
He suddenly swung his head from side to side, and not only to check if too many people were watching, before holding Justin's whole hand instead of just his finger.
"I would say goodbye over and over again if it means I can say hello to you again and again." Eli took his own turn to mumble. And when he could see Justin's gaze glossing over and not because his jaw had tightened too much and his words were said too secretively, he realized that all their heartfelt words had been said while entwining in bed that morning. Now was time for simplicity. "Shall we just shut up and hug?"
All the wind was then knocked out of Justin. He had done a decent job at steadying his heartrate when Eli actually wanted to hold his hand in front of more than just their loved ones but hearing all of this stole all breath away from him and sent his pulse into an undecided frenzy.
It did not know whether it wanted to speed up or slow down!
In the end, all Justin knew was that he wanted to hold his Elijah. He was doubtful that he could cradle him in a way that made it seem like they were just friends. But he just had to try.
He dropped his backpack down onto the floor behind him and embraced Eli into his arms, them both sticking their eyes shut and breathing against each other's shoulders as best as they could. They were sure that if they breathed too hard that everything would spill out for good, and it wouldn't be any good for anybody.
James and Katie were occupied with telling the children that they could go get a snack soon enough – because Justin and Eli wouldn't be saying goodbye forever and that he needed to head through security in a short while. But when they glanced over at the two of them, while simultaneously trying not to look too much, they doubted whether they would part at all.
Justin and Eli continued to press themselves up against each other, at that point uncertain who was who and who was going on tour, and which one was going home to an empty house. They both knew that they had agreed to keep it simple, to keep it to actions and not get too weepy.
But again, it was Justin who thought of words. And he couldn't help but say them. He made the most of the continual closeness and whispered.
"I love you, my darling." He told Eli, longing to press his lips against his earlobes but he instead controlled himself and buried his chin back down into his shoulder, arms tightening across his broad back.
Unlike when he was in his early twenties, Justin didn't care whether he heard it back or not. He did not care one bit. He just needed to say it. He just needed to Eli to know it was true. He must have because he had been hearing it for over a year straight at that point.
But Eli was funny with goodbyes. He could convince himself that all love was lost because of a plane ride.
"I love you dearly, Justin." Eli's words barely made a sound as his heartrate started to thump in his own chest before making its way to his ears. But he said them. And Justin heard them. And he knew that he had to use them to fuel him with bravery rather than break down in devastation.
The two of them had one last sniff against each other's shoulders. The two of them had one last squeeze. They did not really want to let go at all. But they had to. Justin looking at his watch and James and Katie approaching the two of them all over again with the children said everything.
Justin was running out of time. He needed to hurry through security and get settled at the other side of the airport with his touring crew before boarding the plane with them all.
He lowered his wrist back towards his side and picked up his backpack but did not say anymore words, not indicating that he was late or otherwise. Eli had sucked all the words out of him. He knew that if he mustered up anymore then not only would it be a miracle, but he would stay with them all.
And he couldn't do that.
He needed to go on his way. He needed to tour. He needed to sing. He needed to show to his loved ones that he was living his dreams, and they could as well. He needed to be him.
But the truth is, that unlike when he was younger and leapt onto a plane to be himself, to find himself, he found that that person had been inside of him all along. And it took every one of those people to help him realize that this was indeed the case.
Justin embraced them all one last time, not wanting to bid anymore teary goodbyes. He gave Layla a kiss on the cheek, another squeeze, and this time, as he let her go and bent down to do the same to Darcy and Zack, she giggled out of habit. Her eyes dulled down a fraction.
Layla too knew her dad had a job to do. But oh, how she wished that he was continuing her favorite job of his which was being a wonderful father.
Darcy and Zack received their kisses and hugs. Justin flopped into his father's arms one last time, shutting his eyes and absorbing the affection when James gave him a kiss on each cheek, one from each of his parents, and a pat on the back too.
Justin embraced Katie, not wanting to squeeze her as hard as she had squeezed him because he had a little one to think about. But he held her with all the adoration in the world and kissed her own dimple when it sadly winked at him before crouching down for a second to kiss her bump.
He wondered if she would be on the outside of Katie the next time, he saw them both.
Justin tried to steady the wobbling of his legs as he moved over to Eli. It was time for their final goodbye. It wasn't a big one.
They did not meet each other's gaze one and patted each other on the backs before Justin sniffed for another occasion, wiping underneath his nostrils with his finger before intending to head off for good.
So, James and Katie observed, they were really determined to act as if they were no more than just friends in front of the strangers at the airport. They tried not to look at one and other, and they had the excuse of not wishing to well up in front of each other.
They did not judge, not really – they did not have it in their hearts to do so. It just felt a little bit flat. For someone who was going on to soar high in more than just the plane, it seemed a little flat. A little anticlimactic.
But Eli had his reasons why. Justin had his reasons to respect his wishes. They both really wanted to get things right this time.
I think Eli was thinking of this when Justin turned his back to them all for the final time and intended to head off. He was thinking of all that had been. He was thinking of all that could be. There was still a disconnect in his heart between the past and the future.
While he had opened himself to Justin so much, there was still something attaching himself to the past. There was still something enticing about what was behind. But was it serving him? Was it serving who he now was? Was it serving who he truly wished to be? Was it serving Justin? The three little ones? The family they hoped to build?
The word no crept into Eli's heart like a frosty wind.
And before he could allow it to engulf him, before anything other than adrenaline and pure want could engulf him, Eli was shouting for Justin. And he was running after him and grabbing his arm, spinning him around.
James and Katie looked at each other then! But then they couldn't tear their eyes away from the couple, wondering what was going to take place next.
Justin certainly felt the same way. His eyes were wet from the goodbye and his face laced with concern as he feared that Eli was changing his mind in some way. In which way he did not know.
He still did not know as Eli continually held his thin arm in both of his hands.
Soon all would be revealed. To everybody.
Eli's head swung from side to side, knowing that his words would come out breathless like he had just been spinning round and around in a ballroom but for once, not caring for a single second.
Justin was about to prompt him, ask what the matter was, when he blurted words out.
"Remember that my heart is yours, my darling." Eli spoke to Justin, saying the name to him that he could not muster before and could instead only say his name. "And it's not going anywhere even if you are."
Justin did not need the reassurance. Justin did not need these words. He knew that this was the case because Eli had already promised to wait for him a hundred times over and he was partially looking after his children for him.
Justin did not need the reassurance. But it was still welcomed. His eyes glossed over all over again, tilting on the one side and longing to take a step back so he could fit more of his beloved's face inside of his pupils.
In the end, however, Justin was filled with gratitude that he did not do this. Not that it would have mattered. Eli would have seized him anyway. And seized him he did.
You see, words were not the only thing that Eli wanted to bestow upon his boyfriend.
Under the gaze of James, Katie, Darcy, Zack, Layla – and a whole airport – he took hold of Justin's face in his hands and pressed his lips to his and kissed him for everybody to see.
The air was certainly knocked out of Justin once and for all! But he did not let the opportunity slip by through emotion, shock, bewilderment, or anything other than love. Eli's hands moved from his face and trailed up his back to hold his shoulders from behind and Justin's hands roamed to the shaved back of his head to kiss him back as neither of them let go of each other.
Without saying anything, they said everything there was to say. Without doing anything other than kissing, they told each other the deepest secrets of their hearts. And most importantly, Eli told Justin that there was a new future waiting from them as soon as he stepped off that plane.
It did not matter where he went, Eli's heart went with Justin. And oh, how it danced when he returned to him again.
To tell you the truth, James and Katie were just as gob smacked as Justin. The three children weren't all that surprised as they twirled around on the airport floor together, understanding the happiness of the occasion even if they did not understand the gravity of it.
Jokingly, James pretended to cover Katie's eyes with his hand as the two of them continued kissing for all to see! But as Katie laughed tearfully and lowered it away, before looking at her uncle instead of at the two men, they both knew that it was no laughing matter.
Eli had overcome his own personal mountain. And they both could not have been happier that he chose to do it in front of them.
Justin and Eli kissed in front of them all a little while longer but then they broke away, embracing instead, before pecking on the lips one last time. And Justin did head off for good. Justin did head towards his adventure.
But everybody knew that the biggest adventure would begin when he touched down back in Kanto.
A goodbye had encouraged a new beginning. A goodbye promised the sweetest of hellos.
Justin giggled red cheeked and tearfully to himself as he balanced his backpack on his shoulder and headed towards security.
He had not been expecting that!
Now he just knew that he would sing every night on tour for Eli. And then when they were back in each other's arms again, his heart would sing for him even louder.
Eli was his biggest adventure of all. His greatest pride. The swelling in his heart.
And God, how he could not wait to get back to him to tell him that!
The End.
There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :) I got this idea back when I was heavily writing/creating Justin and Eli's initial romance - so probably in the 2020/2021 sort of era. It's no secret that the musician James Bay heavily influences my character of Justin and he put out a song in August 2023 called Goodbye Never Felt So Bad. It's my favourite that he's done for a long time! And the idea of the song made me remember this idea - and I was so tickled to be able to connect the two. And revisit Justin and Eli, of course :3 It was a fun chapter to write between Justin's dynamics with everyone but especially his future husband, Eli. They had a pretty rough time when Eli was massively in the closet and they were younger and had their summer fling. I'm so glad they were able to work things out in time. Honestly, I think it touches me as much as it would Justin and Eli to know they get to have a wonderful life together :) Thanks again for reading and I will be back next Wednesday with some more content so see you then!
Amy signing out :3